Disappointment can be forged into power. Rejection can be the catalyst for profound confidence. Ghosting can be the chrysalis from which you emerge with magnificent wings. Number 1: Knock Them Off The Pedestal Imagine finding out something really unappealing about someone you like. Some habit or belief they hold that instantly turns you off. Some behaviour trait that gives you the ick so much so that you just can’t look at them the same way. A person who ghosts you did just that. They were rude. Disrespectful. And unkind. Gross! No one wants to say, “oh my new boyfriend is sooooo unkind! I’m so lucky to have met such an uncaring character who doesn’t even believe in human decency! Swoon swoon!” Knock this joker off the pedestal you put them on. They are not amazing and the best thing you’ve encountered. It was smoke and mirrors. Nothing real. Nothing sturdy. Nothing long-lasting. Just because they had some of the qualities you’re looking for, doesn’t mean they were right for you. Your time is so much better spent moving towards love and enjoying your life, than being messed around by someone who isn’t right for you and never will be. Your person won’t be on a pedestal because they’ll be walking beside you. Hand in hand. Equals. And it will be so nice because you won’t get neck strain and will be able to hear each other much more easily. So much less gets lost in translation when you are in step with someone. Number 2: Rejection Is Redirection This saying will make even more sense in the future. Because in the future you will not remember this nitwit’s name. This nicompoop who ghosted you will just be an uncomfortable bump in the road on the way to your favourite person. Your person will make this person seem embarrassingly unappealing. Your person will be polite and wonderfully enthusiastic about spending time with you. But this person is useful. This rejection is useful. It’s a signpost away from what will hurt you, so you can travel towards what will nourish and sustain you. Ghosting is awful, but it’s also a gift. It’s saving you the most precious commodity we have on this planet: time. So them removing themselves early is actually a boon. Thank you so much for clearing the way for what serves me! And not clogging up my life with fruitless distractions. Now you get to concentrate on what is guaranteed to serve you. You get to emerge from this uncomfortable portal and step into an exciting new chapter. Number 3: “Creative” Is An Anagram Of “Reactive” Dating is by its very nature disempowering. Because you can’t control the outcome. Even if you’re loving dating and are having a great time with interesting people, there is always an element of frustration because you still haven’t met the person worth having your last ever first date with. The cure for this is to invest a greater proportion of your time and energy into fulfilling things that you can control. This is done by setting achievable, rewarding goals that make you feel excited by life. While you’re waiting for someone to share your love, creativity and passion with, share it with the world. The world needs your love, creativity and passion. The world is eager for it. The world will embrace it. And that exchange will be deeply rewarding. When disappointment comes knocking on your door, invite it in. But instead of listening to its insidious lamenting, make it a nice cup of tea and talk to it. Ask it questions. Help it discover what it wants in addition to love. Grab some paper and some colourful markers and have fun making some SMART goals, baby! Plans that are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-Bound. Sexy stuff! Genuinely. Because what is sexier than being fulfilled? Dating is a big lucky dip. Fun at first, but quickly dispiriting when you continually pull out tat. So, while you keep dipping a hand in to see if there’s a lovely life partner with an outstretched palm, make sure you’re doing other things that make you feel excited to be alive. What creative endeavour calls to you right now? What can you do that is measurable when you achieve it? What will light you up when telling people about it? What slightly scares you and yet compels you to try? What would happen if each time you experienced disappointment, you became creative instead of reactive? You’d become unstoppable! I want this to be a rousing call to action to take stock of all the things you can control. An invitation to open your arms to welcome and discover all the things that will give your life even more purpose and meaning. Not instead of feeling your feelings. It’s important to feel them. It’s important to take gentle, loving care of ourselves. It’s important to be honest when things hurt. When things trigger old wounds and old patterns. The trick is not to get stuck there. Because you’re not just dating. You’re exploring. Discovering new people until you chance upon the one that feels like home. Where it feels safe to disembark and settle. There may be pretty islands along the way that seem enticing but don’t offer safe harbour. But we don’t stop sailing. The world is vast and there is far more to discover. And whilst you sail, there are sunsets, sweet warm breezes, cool refreshing water and fresh mango to feast upon. I conclude by sharing my favourite poem, Wild Geese by Mary Oliver. I’d be absolutely honoured to continue supporting you. Please like and subscribe. You can also join my Substack community where you’ll receive a weekly newsletter and follow me on Instagram, where I can respond to your dating questions. With love, Juliet This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit datingsolidarity.substack.com
