Unmasking Shame The Podcast

Hatch & Heide
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  • Mental Health

Unmasking Shame The  Podcast is about exposing the hidden dynamics that shape our lives, relationships, and sense of self. Hosted by Austin Hatch and Heather Heide, each episode explores the role shame plays, not as something to eliminate, but as an essential part of being human. Shame is our integrity alarm system, alerting us when something is out of alignment with who we are and what we value. Through honest conversations, practical examples, and real-world relational dynamics, we unpack the ways shame becomes hidden, weaponized, projected, or carried for others.

Episodes

  1. 4 Oct

    "What do you want from me" Isn't Curiosity

    What does it actually mean to be curious in a relationship, and why is it so hard for people stuck in shame-based patterns? In this unscripted episode of Unmasking Shame, hosts Heather Heide and Austin Hatch dig into curiosity as an embodied way of being rather than a technique to perform or a set of "right questions" to ask. Heather and Austin unpack how self-protection crowds out genuine interest in other people, and how complaining can function as a covert "weapon of shame" that trains partners to lower their expectations so change never has to happen. They discuss why venting only helps inside a contained, accountable space, where they see 12-step and support groups slip into coddling, and what changes when the person being complained about is in the room. The conversation also gets personal and practical: how gender shapes the way the same message lands with men in recovery, why tenderness isn't offered to harmful behavior, why "honesty is the greatest form of kindness," and what it means when someone is acting like they want to get divorced. Austin shares his plan to have a vulnerable conversation with his wife about an old "stain" before their move, and Heather reflects on the fear she felt early in their business partnership. In this episode, you'll learn: Why curiosity is a genuine movement toward someone, not a skill to masterHow complaining can covertly train others to stop expecting changeThe difference between contained, accountable venting and coddlingWhy asking "What do you want from me?" isn't real curiosityWhy treating your partner like the enemy guarantees your needs won't be metHow acknowledging past hurts ("stains") creates the deepest connectionAbout Unmasking ShameUnmasking Shame is a podcast hosted by therapists Heather Heidi and Austin Hatch about shame, weaponized shame, accountability, betrayal trauma, addiction recovery, and building honest, intimate relationships. New episodes every couple of weeks. Explicit language. Keywords / tags curiosity in relationships, weaponized shame, shame and accountability, betrayal trauma, betrayal recovery, sex addiction recovery, couples therapy podcast, intimacy and vulnerability, emotional safety, rebuilding trust, honesty in relationships, self-protection, complaining in therapy, 12-step accountability, men in recovery, relationship repair, mental health podcast Hashtags #UnmaskingShame #Curiosity #BetrayalTrauma #RelationshipRepair #Accountability #ShameRecovery #CouplesTherapy #Intimacy #RecoveryPodcast #MentalHealthPodcast

  2. 20 Sept

    Lily Allen's West End Girl: A Review

    Lily Allen's new album "West End Girl" isn't just a breakup record — it's a real-time map of what betrayal trauma actually feels like. In this episode of Unmasking Shame™, therapists Austin Hatch and Heather Heidi break down the album (after seeing it performed live, start to finish, at The Armory in Minneapolis) to explore infidelity, emotional abuse, covert manipulation, and the shame survivors are taught to carry. What you'll learn in this episode: - How Lily Allen's "West End Girl" narrates the emotional arc of betrayal — from excitement, to confusion, to apologizing for someone else's actions - Why betrayed partners often "participate" in their own betrayal — and why that's not their fault - The difference between negotiated non-monogamy and covert rule-changing (and how the album's "Nonmonogamammy" storyline captures it) - Why sexual betrayal without disclosure can function like sexual abuse - How victim-blaming and internalized misogyny show up when we talk about betrayal ("she should've just left") - What it means to weaponize shame — and why naming emotional abuse out loud creates relief, not shame - Why music and art can access pain that talk therapy alone sometimes can't This conversation blends pop culture analysis with real clinical insight from Austin and Heather's years of work with betrayed partners, offering language for an experience many people have lived but never had words for. Follow Unmasking Shame™ for more conversations that turn pop culture, real client stories, and clinical experience into language for the things survivors of betrayal often can't yet name. 🔔 Subscribe for new episodes on betrayal trauma, shame, and healing 💬 Drop a comment: did West End Girl hit differently for you too? #BetrayalTrauma #LilyAllen #WestEndGirl #EmotionalAbuse #UnmaskingShameTM #ShamePodcast #InfidelityRecovery #TherapyPodcast #HealingJourney #MentalHealthPodcast

  3. 6 Sept

    No One's Above the Work — Including Us

    In this episode of Unmasking Shame, Austin Hatch and Heather Heide debrief their most recent workshop — a therapist training that hit closer to home than either of them expected. They talk about the surprising overlap between training therapists and working with clients, why doing this work forces constant self-accountability, and how their own relationship has been a testing ground for the tools they teach. The conversation turns to a question they got a lot of pushback on: why does so much of their work frame shame as a male dynamic? Austin and Heather unpack that head-on — how shame shows up differently across genders, why they're comfortable naming what they see even when it's uncomfortable, and why being wrong today doesn't mean you were wrong to say it. They close out with stories about trust, betrayal, and rebuilding — and a reminder that even the people teaching this work are still doing it on themselves. 🎙️ New episodes every two weeks.

  4. 23 Aug

    Our "Why" Behind Unmasking Shame™

    Why do we talk about shame so much? Because it's more relevant right now than ever. In this episode of Unmasking Shame, Austin Hatch and Heather Heide dig into the real "why" behind their work — and specifically, why shame (not guilt) is the key to genuine accountability. We unpack the difference between honesty and weaponized "honesty," why the old guilt-based accountability model doesn't actually change behavior, what carried shame looks like, and how shame — done right — builds self-awareness, integrity, and healing community instead of harm. In this episode: Why accountability isn't about being harsh — it's about honesty as kindnessThe difference between being honest and using honesty as a weaponWhy the "guilt model" fails and how shame gets weaponized in relationshipsCarried shame: shame that was never yours to begin withShame vs. embarrassment — and why we confuse themWhy healing works better in community than in isolationHow discomfort is often a sign you're on the right pathChapters 00:00 – Intro & new setup 00:31 – Welcome to Unmasking Shame 01:02 – What we're really digging into today 02:24 – Redefining accountability 03:24 – Honesty is kindness (not weaponized "honesty") 04:10 – The self-awareness model behind this work 08:47 – Carried shame & why the guilt model never worked 09:39 – Where "weaponized" came from 11:08 – Shame vs. embarrassment 14:31 – Applying this work to your own life 31:23 – The deeper "why": people want to be seen 32:18 – Sitting in discomfort as a guidepost Unmasking Shame is a podcast about accountability, honesty, and healing — hosted by Austin Hatch and Heather Heide. New episodes every other week. #ShameVsGuilt #Accountability #MentalHealthPodcast #UnmaskingShame #HealingInCommunity

  5. 9 Aug

    "I'm Not That Guy Anymore"

    "I'm not that guy anymore." It sounds like growth. Often, it's actually a demand. In this episode of Unmasking Shame, hosts Heather Heidi and Austin Hatch unpack why this common phrase — used in recovery, therapy, and relationships — can quietly carry an entitled message: you should be over it because I'm different now. They dig into the lack of differentiation behind this defense, how it makes one partner responsible for managing two people's emotions, why it kills intuition, and how real change doesn't need to be announced — it's felt. Topics covered: Why "I'm not that guy anymore" can be a shame response, not accountabilityThe "performer weapon" — using change as leverage to control how you're seenWhy change that needs to be witnessed and validated isn't fully internalizedHow entitlement to being seen differently damages trust and intuition in relationshipsThe difference between healing for yourself vs. healing to be believedWhy you don't need anyone to tell you that you've changed — you just live itThis conversation is for anyone in recovery, in therapy, or navigating a relationship where "I've changed" has become a source of tension instead of connection. 🎧 Subscribe for more conversations on shame, addiction recovery, and relational healing. #UnmaskingShame #ShameRecovery #RelationshipPodcast #AddictionRecovery #TherapyTalk #Accountability #PersonalGrowth #MentalHealthPodcast #CouplesTherapy #HealingJourney

  6. 26 Jul

    The Problem With Wanting Answers Fast

    Why "Just Give Me the Solution" Is Keeping You Stuck | Unmasking Shame Podcast Why do so many people rush toward a quick fix the moment they spot a problem — and why does that instinct often block real healing? In this episode of Unmasking Shame the Podcast, therapists Austin Hatch and Heather Heidi break down one of the most common obstacles they see in therapy: the demand for a solution before the problem is ever fully understood. Austin and Heather explore why identifying a problem is not the same as understanding it, why insight actually happens after change (not before), and how "solution-oriented" thinking can be a way of bypassing the discomfort of the present moment. They also dig into how this shows up in relationships — including the tension that appears when one partner grows and differentiates while the other wants to return to old patterns — and why sitting in discomfort, rather than eliminating it, is often where real healing begins. In this episode, you'll learn: Why naming a problem once is never enough to create lasting changeThe difference between "insight" and simply saying the right thingsWhy solution-focused approaches can bypass the present momentHow differentiation in relationships creates friction — and why that's normalWhy discomfort is a guide, not a signal to fix things fasterHow therapists actually help clients change (hint: it's not a 7-step plan)If you've ever left a workshop, a therapy session, or a hard conversation asking "okay, but what's the solution?" — this episode is for you. 🎧 New episodes of Unmasking Shame the Podcast drop every other week— subscribe so you don't miss the next one. #UnmaskingShame #TherapyPodcast #MentalHealth #ShameResilience #Healing #Differentiation #Psychotherapy #SelfAwareness #EmotionalHealing #RelationshipAdvice

  7. 12 Jul

    The 5 Weapons of Shame

    What if shame isn't just something you feel—but something you use? In this episode of Unmasking Shame, therapists Heather Heide, LMFT and Austin Hatch, MA, LPCC introduce the Five Weapons of Shame—the subtle defensive patterns people use to avoid accountability, control relationships, and protect themselves from vulnerability. These aren't personality types. They're behaviors. And once you can recognize them, you can't unsee them. In this episode, we break down: The Sad PuppyThe PerformerThe RecruiterThe ExpertThe IsolatorYou'll learn how these patterns show up in marriages, parenting, recovery, friendships, and everyday conversations—and why understanding the function of these behaviors matters more than simply labeling them. Whether you're navigating betrayal trauma, compulsive behaviors, relationship conflict, or simply trying to become a more authentic person, this episode offers practical language for recognizing how shame operates beneath the surface. If you've ever found yourself saying: "Why do I always become defensive?""Why do conversations keep going sideways?""Why do I need other people to tell me I'm okay?""Why do I feel the need to prove myself?"...this episode is for you. Learn more about Unmasking Shame, workshops, and upcoming courses: 👉 https://www.unmaskingshame.com If this conversation challenged you, consider subscribing. Every episode is designed to help you recognize the hidden ways shame shapes relationships—and how authentic responsibility creates genuine connection.

  8. 28 Jun

    Centering the Actual Problem

    Why do so many couples spend years arguing about the wrong thing? In this episode of Unmasking Shame, Austin Hatch and Heather Heide unpack one of the most common dynamics they see in relationships: the tendency to focus on reactions instead of the actual problem. The conversation starts with a simple example—someone coming home late—and quickly reveals a deeper pattern. When the real issue gets avoided, attention shifts to tone, delivery, defensiveness, hurt feelings, or who communicated better. The result? The problem remains untouched while relationships slowly erode. In this episode, we explore: Why people avoid centering the real problem How shame redirects attention away from accountability The difference between explaining behavior and excusing it Why tone often becomes a distraction from what actually happened Emotional load, power, and entitlement in relationships How defensiveness protects behavior instead of connection Why accountability is one of the most healing experiences in a relationship The danger of using therapy language to avoid responsibility Why understanding your past matters—but cannot replace accountability in the present At its core, this conversation is about a simple but challenging question: What happens when we stop managing reactions and start telling the truth about the actual problem? If you've ever found yourself stuck in the same argument, feeling unheard, carrying the emotional burden in a relationship, or wondering why change never seems to happen, this episode is for you. Join an Upcoming Unmasking Shame Experience Want to explore these concepts in a live, interactive setting? Learn more about upcoming workshops and experiences here: 🌐 https://www.unmaskingshame.com/experiences About Unmasking Shame Unmasking Shame is a conversation about relationships, integrity, accountability, and the hidden dynamics that keep people stuck. Through workshops, experiences, and honest conversations, we help individuals and couples identify what is really happening beneath conflict so they can move toward deeper connection and meaningful change. #UnmaskingShame #Relationships #Accountability #Shame #EmotionalLoad #Entitlement #CouplesWork #Connection #PersonalGrowth #Communication #AustinHatch #HeatherHeide #TherapyPodcast #Integrity

  9. 28 Jun

    What If Shame Isn't the Enemy

    What if shame isn’t the enemy? In this episode of Unmasking Shame, Austin Hatch and Heather Heide explore a different way of understanding shame—not as something to eliminate, but as an essential part of being human. Too often, shame is treated as a toxic emotion that needs to be avoided, suppressed, or overcome. But what if shame is actually your body's integrity alarm system? What if it exists to let you know when you're operating outside of your values, out of alignment with who you want to be, and impacting the people you care? In this conversation, we unpack: Why shame is fundamentally relational The difference between healthy and unhealthy shame How shame can disconnect us from empathy, connection, and accountability What it means to carry shame that isn't yours The role values and integrity play in emotional health How shame shows up in everyday relationships, parenting, boundaries, and self-respect Why awareness—not perfection—is often the beginning of change Rather than asking, "How do I get rid of shame?" we explore a different question: What if shame is trying to tell us something important? If you've ever struggled with feeling stuck, disconnected, defensive, or unsure why certain interactions affect you so deeply, this conversation offers a framework for understanding what may be happening beneath the surface. Join Us Live Want to explore these ideas more deeply? Learn about upcoming Unmasking Shame workshops and experiences here: 🌐 https://www.unmaskingshame.com/experiences About Unmasking Shame Unmasking Shame helps individuals and couples better understand the hidden ways shame shapes relationships, identity, connection, and integrity. Through conversations, workshops, and experiential learning, we help people recognize shame, separate what belongs to them from what doesn't, and stay connected to themselves and others. #UnmaskingShame #Shame #Integrity #Relationships #EmotionalHealth #Accountability #PersonalGrowth #Boundaries #SelfAwareness #AustinHatch #HeatherHeide #CouplesWork #MentalHealth

  • 9 Episodes

About

Unmasking Shame The  Podcast is about exposing the hidden dynamics that shape our lives, relationships, and sense of self. Hosted by Austin Hatch and Heather Heide, each episode explores the role shame plays, not as something to eliminate, but as an essential part of being human. Shame is our integrity alarm system, alerting us when something is out of alignment with who we are and what we value. Through honest conversations, practical examples, and real-world relational dynamics, we unpack the ways shame becomes hidden, weaponized, projected, or carried for others.

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