Let's Talk About........With Nicky Perfect

The Communication Coach
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For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

  1. 30 JAN

    Listening Saves Lives

    A quiet smile can hide a collapsing world. Michele D’Souza joins us to share the story of her brother Nick and the hard truth many of us avoid: suicidal distress often looks like recovery on the surface. We walk through the uncertainty that followed his death, the relentless guilt of being the last to see him alive, and how a decade of grief reshaped Michele’s life and work. From there, we shift into what actually helps. Michele breaks down trauma-informed leadership with practical clarity: recognize dysregulation, build psychological safety, and respond with empathy rather than pressure. We talk about the frontline—police, nurses, paramedics, social care—where exposure to trauma is routine and burnout is accelerating. You’ll hear why “call the helpline” isn’t enough when someone’s nervous system is overloaded, and how simple, human actions like debriefs, warm handoffs, and small one percent interventions can move a person from freeze to fight. We also tackle the silent crisis in construction, where macho norms and unforgiving timelines collide with grief, addiction, and isolation. Michele explains why mental health first aid should be as common as fire safety, how to spot meaningful shifts in behaviour, and why a bowl of fruit isn’t a wellness strategy. Her mission, through Puzzle Peace Coaching, is simple and profound: teach people to listen, to sit with discomfort, and to act in small, specific ways that create real safety. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, worry about a colleague, or lead a team under pressure, this conversation offers tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find these insights. Your one percent might save a life. Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    37 min

  2. 16 JAN

    Finding The Light After Suicidal Darkness

    A hard truth unlocked everything for us: the second time you ask “Are you really okay?” is when the real answer shows up. Susie shares how she moved from being sectioned as a teenager to building a life she once thought was out of reach—work promotion, supportive love, and plans for a youth‑focused suicide prevention project.  Together we break down practical tools for supporting someone in crisis: ask twice, speak plainly about suicide, and be ready for an honest “yes” without recoiling. You’ll hear why direct language does not plant the idea, how to respond in the moment, and what to avoid when your own fear tries to take the mic. We also draw a clear line between self‑harm and suicidal intent, cutting through common myths that can add panic and shame. Susie explains how readiness shapes recovery more than any single therapy, and why patience and presence matter more than pushing. Her strategy for resilience is deceptively simple: isolate bad moments so they don’t devour the day, notice small wins, and choose the next doable step. From the “ask twice” approach to reflective language that keeps the focus on the person in pain, the conversation turns evidence and lived experience into practical, compassionate action. Looking ahead, Susie sketches a stigma‑free space for young people that blends training, peer support, and open conversation about suicide. The aim isn’t to make impossible promises; it’s to make the hardest talk feel speakable. If you want concrete guidance on what to say, what not to say, and how to stand steady beside someone you love, this is for you. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help more people find the skills—and the hope—to get through their darkest moments. To get in touch with Susie , send her a message on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/suzie.simkins.3 Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    31 min

  3. 12/12/2025

    How To Talk About Suicide With Care And Courage

    🎥 Watch on YouTube A gentle hello can change the course of a life. That’s the heart of our conversation with therapist Rachel Young, who shares how simple, human connection can interrupt a suicidal spiral without perfect words or clinical expertise. We walk through what real pain often looks like from the inside, why people describe themselves as a burden, and how a sudden “lightness” can appear after someone decides to die. Understanding these signals helps us respond with clarity, compassion, and courage. We get practical fast. Rachel offers short, direct phrases that open doors: Are you thinking about suicide? What are your plans right now? Tell me about that. We talk about reflective listening, allowing silence, and mirroring someone’s words so they feel heard rather than fixed. You’ll learn why asking about suicide doesn’t plant ideas, how presence reduces isolation, and how everyday gestures—sitting beside someone, making tea, saying hello on the street—can create the small moments of light that keep a person here. Parents and carers of teens will find a focused section on adolescent risk. We cover how a developing brain affects impulse control and foresight, what behaviour changes to look for, and why early check-ins matter. We also outline a practical safety plan you can build together: triggers, coping steps, supportive contacts, and one reason to stay. Plus, Rachel shares how to reach her directly for therapy and guidance. If this topic touches your world, this conversation gives you words, posture, and a plan. Subscribe for more thoughtful guides to tough conversations, share this with someone who needs it, and leave a review to help others find these tools. Your presence can be the difference—start with hello. Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    24 min

  4. 21/11/2025

    A Candid Journey Through Addiction, Recovery, And Building The Modern Men Movement

    🎥 Watch on YouTube A football terrace nickname, TV attention, and nights out might look like belonging—but Lee’s story reveals what happens when external validation drowns out a silent, aching inside. From childhood loneliness to alcohol dependence, from extreme weight loss to a mental civil war, he takes us through the moments that pushed him to the edge—and the brutal aftermath that followed when he survived a suicide attempt. The turning point wasn’t a slogan; it was his mum’s face at the end of the ICU bed and the decision to build a life worth staying for. We walk through the hard parts with clarity: shame, self-pity, and the lies addiction tells. Then we get practical. Lee shares the communication tools that changed everything: mind your tone to lower defenses, use names to make care personal, and ask the deceptively simple question, “If you did know, what would it be?” We explore how Andy’s Man Club gave him safe space and why Monday-to-Monday support leaves dangerous gaps. That insight sparked the Modern Men Movement—peer-led support, quick resources, wellness assessments, and fast paths to counseling—to help men move from crisis to connection. You’ll hear how to spot warning signs without shaming, how to invite conversation without pressure, and how small, consistent check-ins beat grand gestures. We talk hope without pretending it’s easy: vigilance over complacency, listening over lecturing, and swapping external applause for internal care. If you or a loved one feels stuck, this conversation offers real tools, real stories, and a real way forward. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review telling us which tool you’ll try first. Your words might be the bridge someone else needs. Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    31 min

  5. 14/11/2025

    Listening That Saves Lives

    A quiet shift in someone’s routine can be the loudest alarm. We sit down with retired detective and crisis negotiator Nicky Hurdley to unpack how frontline negotiation skills translate into everyday conversations when a friend, teen, colleague, or partner might be suicidal. Instead of scripts or clichés, we focus on the human core: notice subtle changes, echo the exact words you hear, validate feelings without rushing to fix, and give time in low-pressure spaces like side-by-side walks. Nicky Hurdley shares practical ways to spot “throwaway” lines—those casual phrases that carry heavy meaning—and how to circle back without judgment. We explore why pep talks can backfire and how validation creates immediate relief. We dive into the Kubler Ross grief model as a living map for crisis: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. Emotions don’t follow a neat order, and they loop; understanding that helps you avoid solving the wrong problem. You’ll learn how to slow a heated moment, use silence as a tool, and ask calm, direct safety questions that don’t “put ideas” in anyone’s head. We also get tactical: how to create time when life is busy, why side-by-side conversations are less threatening than face-to-face, and how to co-create small next steps—from booking a GP to texting a trusted friend—without taking control away. Above all, we anchor on two principles that change outcomes: kindness and respect. They signal dignity, reduce loneliness, and make it easier for someone to tell the truth. If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with someone who needs practical language, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway. Your words might be the reason another listener finds the courage to start a lifesaving talk. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide  — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.  Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    38 min

  6. 31/10/2025

    From Hostage Negotiation To Lifesaving Conversations

    What would you say if someone you love hinted they might not want to stay? We sit down with Sue Williams—former head of the Hostage and Kidnap Units at Scotland Yard—who brings 35 years of crisis negotiation to a question many of us fear: how do you talk about suicide with care, courage, and clarity? Sue breaks down the essentials with a precision that feels human, not clinical. We explore how to prepare when time allows, from choosing a calm setting to mapping likely replies and gathering support contacts before you need them. You’ll learn the do’s—gentle I statements, open questions, reflective listening—and the vital don’ts that shatter trust, like minimising pain, rushing to fix, or saying I know how you feel. We unpack why meaning lives in how words are received, not what we intend, and how tone, pace, and authenticity can steady a conversation at the edge. The heart of the episode is a vivid rooftop story at dawn: a man ready to jump, a negotiator keeping distance and focus, and a sunrise over London’s rooftops that opens a quiet doorway back to safety. It’s a reminder that presence often matters more than perfect phrasing, and that empathy—used to build real emotional connection—can shift someone from despair toward the next small step. We talk about scanning for triggers, reinforcing positive anchors, validating their reality without judgment, and treating trust like glass: once cracked, never quite the same. If you’ve been looking for practical language, confidence to ask direct questions, and a way to be there without trying to fix everything, this conversation offers tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with someone who might need it, and leave a review telling us which insight you’ll keep at the ready for when it matters most. Resources & support (UK)Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7)Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7)PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide  — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.  Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    28 min

  7. 25/09/2025

    Breaking the Silence: Everyday Lessons from Crisis Negotiation with Danny Kett

    🎥 Watch on YouTube In this episode, Nicky speaks with Danny Kett, a former police negotiator with 30 years of experience, 18 of those in hostage and crisis negotiation. Danny shares what crisis work taught him about conversations that matter most — especially when suicide is a concern. They discuss myths that hold people back, including the fear that mentioning suicide puts the idea in someone’s head, and show how direct, honest language can actually open doors. Danny shares a powerful personal story of supporting a family member in crisis through text messages, explaining how matching pace and energy can keep connection alive. Together, they explore how to create safe spaces, adapt to different communication styles (including neurodiversity), and use everyday negotiation skills to have the hardest conversations. Danny also shares insights from his new venture, which applies behavioural science to organisational challenges. This conversation isn’t therapy or training — it’s practical lessons from experience. Honest, human tools you can use today to support the people you care about. If you have been affected by anything in this podcast here are the numbers for you to contact.  📞 Samaritans — Call 116 123 any time, day or night. 📱 Shout — Text 85258 for free, confidential support in the UK. 📞 PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK — Call 0800 068 4141 if you’re under 35 and struggling, or worried about someone who is.  💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide  — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.  Resources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    37 min

  8. 18/09/2025

    Courage Over Silence: Starting the Suicide Conversation

    🎥 Watch on YouTube When Help Feels Like Pressure: One Voice, Safe Space, and Conversations That Save Lives Host Nicky talks with former police officer and negotiator Damian about what really helps when someone is in crisis. They unpack the reality of suicide in the UK, why crowds and escalating responses can increase pressure, and how one trusted voice in a safe space can change a decision. This episode offers practical, compassionate steps for parents and carers—what to notice, how to open the conversation, and how to choose the right person to lead it. Clear, human guidance, not therapy or training—just experience you can use today. Key takeawaysSuicide is under-discussed and under-resourced. In 2023, 7,055 people died by suicide in the UK—far more than homicides or road deaths.Saying “suicide” does not plant the idea. Asking directly can bring relief and honesty.Crowds increase pressure. Emergency responses (and onlookers) can unintentionally push a person toward a harmful decision.De-pressurise the scene. Reduce noise, audience, and competing voices; create time and space.Use one trusted voice. Agree a single lead person to speak; a quiet second person can support the lead.Parents/carers: you may not be the right lead. Prioritise trust over role or ego; let the young person help choose who they talk to.Environment matters. Pick the person’s safest, calmest place (often their room, or a side-by-side setting like a walk/drive).Open gently, aim for clarity. Start with care (“We’re really worried about you”) and progress toward the heart of the matter.Listen with curiosity. Go slow, don’t rush answers; reflect and reassure.Leave your ego at the door. The conversation is about them, not our fear of “getting it wrong.”Episode highlights (timestamps approximate)00:00 — Introductions & purpose. Why talking about suicide matters.01:53 — UK context. 7,055 suicides in 2023; why we need more open dialogue.06:29 — Pivotal story. A high-rise incident shows how crowds and visible emergency response can increase a person’s felt pressure.12:09 — The lesson. Decompress the scene: fewer people, more time, less noise.15:14 — “One voice.” Choose a single trusted lead; a quiet second supports the lead.21:28 — Parents & carers. Opening lines, managing fear/ego, creating safe space at home.26:25 — Summary. Trust intuition, choose one voice, prioritise safety and connection.28:20 — Closing reflection. Speaking openly reduces shame; we need a culture of kindness and support.How to start the conversation “I’m really worried about you, and I want to understand.”“I’ve noticed [specific change]. How are you, really?”“Are you thinking about suicide?” (Direct, calm, non-judgemental.)“Thank you for telling me. I’m here. We can take this one step at a tiResources & support (UK) Samaritans: 116 123 (free, 24/7) Shout: Text 85258 (free, 24/7) PAPYRUS HOPELINEUK (under 35s): 0800 068 4141 Explore more tools & training: 🌐 www.nickyperfect.com 🌐 www.thecommunicationcoach.co.uk 💬 Join our community: Courageous Conversations About Suicide — a safe, supportive space to listen, share, and find connection.

    33 min
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4.8
out of 5
13 Ratings

About

For over a decade, Nicky Perfect BEM served as a Hostage and Crisis Negotiator, working with people and families in moments of extreme crisis. She went on to become Course Director for the UK’s National Negotiation Course and has trained negotiators and leaders across the world. Alongside her operational career, Nicky has studied psychology, relationships, human behaviour, personal development, and coaching. In this podcast, she brings those experiences together to show how the principles of hostage and crisis negotiation can transform everyday communication. Because communication is at the heart of everything we do — in families, at work, in leadership, and in the toughest conversations we face. When relationships break down, it’s usually because communication has broken down first. Each episode offers real stories, practical strategies, and powerful insights to help you: 🎧 Listen in a way that makes people feel heard💬 Navigate conflict with calm and confidence🌱 Build stronger, healthier relationships at home and at work Learn the skills that save lives — and discover how they can change yours.

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