Each week we'll be getting woke about the cold, hard truth of being a girl in 2020. Froth at the labia while we debunk your real-life issues with non-fluffy practical steps to move you out of your own way, because let's face it, no one's coming to save us. Everything you listen to is from our own perspective, in the hope it infectiously encourages you to rally around your tears and fears, then come out the other side… victorious.
A Morale-Booster (Hell, You Need It!)
This week we’re boosting your morale like a b*tch. Skip to 4:30 if you wanna get straight into it. We’re sharing our extremely wet ’n’ juicy tips on how to feel instantly better right about now, because we’re SICK of fluffy notions and want actual, real practical ones to inject into our lives. These are our feel-good tips to get you feeling WELL again. Tips include how to watch your mouth (with yourself), making big plans to get you excited for the rest of the year, and yeah… getting a hobby! Not a d*ck, a hobby!
Do Not Disturb A B*tch, I'm Busy.
We’re BACK! With new wet ’n’ juicy intel on how to be your most effective #workfromhome self, all considered. You’re doing a great job already babe, after all… you’re still alive & you haven’t died of boredom yet. But with things getting weirder by the sec, we wanted to give you the 411 on how you can work from home for the long-hall, without spending 6 out of 8 of those hours picking your face in the mirror, daydreaming, scrolling, and wandering off for wanks at lunch. Enough is enough. Our top tips on how to fix up your work (from home) ethic... include how to set up a routine that’s mostly play, with a little bit of work dashed in, you know, just for fun. Here’s how we’re doing it, but be warned, this minisode is packed with much, more more:
Be a savage, add your lunch break in your work diary as an out-of-office.
Leave your phone in the kitchen while you’re working. Do not disturb a b*tch, she's busy.
Just like how you put on primer before foundation, you need to prep & prime for your day in the same way, before it even begins. We'll show you how.
Take sh*t tons of breaks, and when it feels excessive, take more.
Realise that anyone who’s making out they have their productive sh*t together is lying and social media is fake news.
BONUS: Here’s the priming exercise that China does to get her more fired up for the day than a slap to the face from Cole Sprouse’s d*ck.
Irrational tired b*tches, this is for you.
Have you been an irrational tired b*tch lately? Us too! Turns out that because there’s no way to blow off steam right now, we all are. NGL, while our top priority is to come out the other side of this looking tanned and cute as part of our ‘back to school’ vibe, this week we’re talking about the side effects of being in isolation, and f*ck, the list isn’t short. As per usual, we’re not here to patronise you about how to cope, we’re here to agree with you about how it actually IS. We want to be busy, but we don’t want to be busy, which is it? Yes we’re getting used to this ’new normal’, but there’s still something about all this that feels soooo creepy & off. Amen, sister.
For some reason, working from home feels like wading through f*cking glass. But why?
F*ck that daily walk, f*ck FaceTime. F*ck my vagina, I've officially put it away in a mini hairy coffin and said ‘see you later.’
Procrastination is at new heights. In fact, if anyone thinks they have a productive team right now, they’re tripping.
Girl, it’s no wonder that you feel useless in your job right now. It’s hard to create value when your value is being limited?!
If you’re biting back at small comments, you’re not alone. The sweet personality fuse is short as f*ck.
In your normal life you have way more social interaction than you think… which is why now, you feel like your insides are inside out.
Usually? You’re surrounded by people doing the same thing as you at the same time. Now all of that’s been tanked. You don’t have those situational settings to hold onto your routine, so no wonder you feel like you have no control over anything.
Does anyone else feel cheated by time? Like you’re just existed and this time doesn’t count?
Is It Time To Smother My Boyfriend With A Pillow?
Is it likely you’ll eat your partner for lunch soon, you know, as part of a cute panini situation? Are you missing someone like crazy? Are you wanking 10x a day to compensate? Are you feeling alone because you can’t date right now? Are you with someone who you’re fast realising is a massive douchebag? Don’t sweat it babe, we’re BACK to give you the quarantine advice we wish we’d take ourselves. Except it’s not patronising or sh*t non-realistic advice, it’s just honest & comforting, like a hot cup of cocoa. Baby G hasn’t seen her boyfriend for nearly 6 weeks, so she spills the beans on how to be in a relationship when you’re apart in isolation. Meanwhile, China is currently single but the virtual prowl, so you’ll get all the goodies on how to deal with being alone during this 'stuck at home' hellfest too. We’ve got it all covered babe, so strap the f*ck in & let us be your best friend for an hour…
Also, you guys submitted a bunch of your love & relationship woes in quarantine on our Instagram, so we’re here to answer them. Here’s the lowdown:
From 6 mins - 36 mins we’ll discuss the GOOD and EVIL of being in a relationship during quarantine. Your confessions included:
Can’t even get a text back yet the boy is at home 24/7, what’s he doing?!
Long distance is hard when there’s nothing to update each other on.
Missing them like crazy but arguing everyday because neither of us have anything better to do.
Surprisingly really getting along considering we’ve never lived together before.
We are grating on each other and both becoming irritable but there’s nowhere to escape!
From 36 mins to 57 mins, we’re getting into being single and/or heartbroken during quarantine, and how the hell to handle that. Your confessions included:
Dating apps / DMs have fizzled out or died which makes me feel lonely and like no one wants me.
Missing d*ck like crazy, not getting it.
Wanking quite a bit to compensate and feeling lonely.
Realised I wasn’t as over the breakup as I thought, I was just distracted.
Feeling hopelessly alone. Recovering from a rejection takes sooo long.
During this week’s episode we also gave you a few key resources to get into after listening. The first one was the ‘We’re Not Really Strangers’ game. It’s a purpose driven card game and movement all about empowering meaningful connections. Three carefully crafted levels of questions and wildcards that allow you to deepen your existing relationships and create new ones: https://www.werenotreallystrangers.com/
The second resource was Amy Garner’s ‘how to heal a broken heart’ guide, including a relationship cord-cutting meditation that we swear by and have done after every single heartbreak to get over it more quickly. She’s the best there is, so follow the guide like it’s gospel: https://helloamygarner.com/heal-a-broken-heart-how-to/
Keeping Our Sh*t Together In Front Of Our Friends & Family
Why is it so hard to hold down regular FaceTime with your friends, and why does it feel like they’re drifting away from you? Are your friends going to learn to live without you? Will it EVER be the same again? Yet at the same time, how the f*ck do we not take it personally when people don’t leap at the chance to FT us? And why are you feeling anxious as hell about talking virtually? Ah girl, that’s because video calling is like a f*cking interrogation room where you can’t hide your face & the spotlight is on you. Don't worry... we’ve got a bunch of tips for you to get a hold of your friendships + your comms during quarantine. We'll talk breaking the seal & so much more (listen to the whole ep to find out).
Also, why is sh*t getting under our skin so much? We’ll get into how irritable we are with whoever we’re living with & exactly why that is. Emotions are high as f*ck right now, and you've got to stop laying on the self-blame thicker than a cheap moisturiser. The secret to all your problems right now is building a routine that matches the people you live with, so you stop fantasising about cutting them up into tiny little pieces. We'll tell you how to do this and so much more... listen in!
Wanting Less Is the New More, Babe
This week we’re back on form, chatting sh*t about sh*t about SH*T. We wanted to get to the nibbly root of what happiness ‘is’, and treading the fine line between wanting enough and wanting too much. Just like Jesus with the loaf, right? We’ll get to it (HAHAHA). Yes, let’s work out how we juggle immediate gratification, vs playing the long game with our goals (which let’s be honest, is hard as f*ck). We’ll talk about how we’re going for our biggest dreams & goals in this trying time, and how not to kill ourselves over the self-inflicted pressure of doing too much... vs just living in the now and finding our zen. We’re dropping so many goodies, get them in the girl-brain bank, asap!!!
Also, China would like to apologise for calling you ‘mother-f*ckers' at 41 mins. Totally uncalled for. You are beautiful, radiant darlings of the future. And don’t forget it!
My fave podcast
Feel like I’m trying to chip in on everything these lovely ladies discuss, like I’m sat there with them, love it! Highly amusing and laugh out loud funny much of the time. Five stars ***** :)
I hard relate to literally everything these girls say. They got me laughing out (way too) loud. Love ur energy girls xxx
Sooo funny! True and deep😂😂
Love listening to these for a pick me up when needed! Relate