Whore-oscopes

Nia Òla

The show where Nia Òla, sex worker, writer and proud buzzkill uses years of experience, education and shit talking to predict the future, sometimes with friends. Because sex is the canary in the coal mine, and she sings like an angel, baby. thatdeep.substack.com

Episodes

  1. Cozy Kush Talk: Vol II

    02/11/2025

    Cozy Kush Talk: Vol II

    When I use the word “cozy”, I’m not doing so lightly. I’ve achieved maximum coziness in the devils hours of the evening after catching a quick chill outside smoking on some sour diesel. It’s earthy skunk with no citrus notes and sticky as hell so it’s getting better as it ages (and dries out a bit). So as you listen to this episode where I make a rather impassioned argument about why monogamy is flubbing up the natural course of most of your relationships, know these are the vibes in the room where it happened. I don’t profess to be an expert in relationships, but I would consider myself an expert in desire (full credit to the job) which means I so often see a longing no one is allowed to name fester until it degrades all the relationships that ill fitted one impacts. Sometimes the best friend you’ll ever have needed to want you in a different way first for you to arrive at the place that made you the best of friends. Sometimes, we earn our enemies after hubris or distance or lack of character leads to a falling out that makes a continued relationship untenable. When we’re married to restraint first and foremost, we’re not capable of showing up fully in any of our relationships because we’re not really allowed to play with the confines of them to see what the best fit truly is. Monogamy as it stands currently, doesn’t reward your curiosity about all the ways intimacy, depth and consideration shows up in your life, it discourages this exploration. To commit to any public deviation from the belief that relationships are supposed to look a certain way forever is to admit to some deficit of character according to our current social contract. All of the tenderness and sincerity you ever expressed is called into question because real love, true love doesn’t question; it knows that this is your person and there are no doubts or questions when it’s real. This belief was the center of an essay I wrote in the spring. Not only do I find the way we partner currently wholly unnatural, it’s also just far less fun. Dating became this bigseriousthing™️ when it stopped being fun and I’d argue the contradictions and guardrails of monogamy have left us restless, yearning for real fun and that restlessness is spilling out in all sorts of problematic and just generally messy ways. Maybe if we allowed relationships to spool out over time like threading a sewing machine, we can construct something beautiful together. Let the tapestry of life be filled in by many people in a myriad of ways we couldn’t predict. Give the origin story we tell folks who marvel at it on the wall some heft, let it be unforgettable. If you enjoyed this episode be sure to leave a like, follow and comment. If you haven't tired of my musings and what to find more of them, consider subscribing to my substack, That Deep, tis my baby. https://thatdeep.substack.com/ For all my socials, merch links and other places you can check out, peruse my carrd. https://shakingsheets.carrd.co/ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatdeep.substack.com/subscribe

    30 min
  2. Heaux Lite

    05/10/2024

    Heaux Lite

    On this episode of Whore-oscopes, Nia Òla (she/they) discusses the history of dating, it’s roots in sex work and why we need to be interacting with it (and its past) honestly, in order to get out of this discontent expressed by the masses. Don’t forget to like, favorite and share this episode if you enjoyed it. As always That Deep is Nia’s Substack and one of the ways this work is supported so if you’re not already over there… spare them a subscription. You’ve spent $5 on worse, don’t act silly now. If you’d like to submit a question for me to offer you advice on, the link to do so is the first in the sources of my show notes. Your question will be aired on the 25th in the Crystal Ball Talk episode. *I don’t answer questions regarding legal or medical matters. Sources: https://form.jotform.com/242464812784059 https://thatdeep.substack.com/ https://www.grandviewresearch.com/industry-analysis/online-dating-market-report#:~:text=The global online dating market size was estimated at USD,USD 10.49 billion in 2023 Weigel, M. (2017). Labor of Love: The Invention of Dating. Farrar, Straus and Giroux. https://www.npr.org/2024/02/14/1231513991/tinder-hinge-match-group-lawsuit https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/24427323-match-group-complaint https://www.nytimes.com/2023/03/01/style/tiktok-dating-ghosting.html This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatdeep.substack.com/subscribe

    13 min
  3. 26/09/2024

    Crystal Ball Talk: One

    In this episode, Nia Òla has Crystal Ball Talk, where listener submitted questions are read and answered. For the premiere of this segment, topics discussed include: media literacy, what taking accountability looks like, how to date when afraid, polyamory and more. If you enjoyed yourself, don’t forget to like, favorite, share and comment. That Deep is Nia’s Substack and one of the ways this work is supported so if you’re not already over there… spare them a subscription. You’ve spent $5 on worse, don’t act silly now. Sources: https://form.jotform.com/242464812784059 https://leavingevidence.wordpress.com/2019/12/18/how-to-give-a-good-apology-part-1-the-four-parts-of-accountability/ https://thatdeep.substack.com/p/a-chainsaw-of-lace https://bookshop.org/p/books/more-than-two-cultivating-nonmonogamous-relationships-with-kindness-and-integrity-eve-rickert/20964103?ean=9781990869587 https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-ethical-slut-third-edition-a-practical-guide-to-polyamory-open-relationships-and-other-freedoms-in-sex-and-love-revised-janet-w-hardy/11368130?ean=9780399579660 https://bookshop.org/p/books/polysecure-and-the-polysecure-workbook-bundle-jessica-fern/18957281?ean=9781990869365 https://youtu.be/9IM1AEbnGX4?si=eHuLN1KFU-rbdd_l https://youtu.be/01ZXMrPGMyA?si=FrZ8l_6Belaf0XIZ This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thatdeep.substack.com/subscribe

    19 min

About

The show where Nia Òla, sex worker, writer and proud buzzkill uses years of experience, education and shit talking to predict the future, sometimes with friends. Because sex is the canary in the coal mine, and she sings like an angel, baby. thatdeep.substack.com