This is the second post for our July theme of alignment. If you missed the first, you can read or listen to it here: Week 1 - It Is Hard Being Someone You Are Not Is there someone you completely trust to make your decisions for you? A few years ago, I met Jay, a young woman in her 20s who was living with her partner. She was bright and outgoing, quite an extrovert, in fact. She had never felt comfortable making decisions without asking her father first. He was her go-to whenever she had a choice to make. Even moving in with Sam was discussed with her father first. Then, unexpectedly, Jay’s father passed away. Jay was heartbroken, of course. Two years later, Jay was struggling with procrastination and overthinking. No one felt as trustworthy as her father had been. Jay had no idea where to go for help now. So I asked a simple question: ‘What about asking yourself?’ I know how Jay felt. For many years, I trusted almost anyone’s opinion more than my own. Like Jay, I didn’t believe I already carried the wisdom I needed. When we stop listening When we are born, we are acutely aware of our own needs. We know when we are tired, hungry, curious, joyful and afraid. As children, we naturally express these feelings. Gradually, many of us learn not to. Instead, we learn to suppress ourselves. As we grow up, certain ways of behaving become familiar to us. My mother used to say, ‘Children should be seen and not heard’, whenever we made a noise. She also told us to be quiet when our father came home from work. In our house, good behaviour meant being quiet. The many ways of behaving we learn in childhood become imprinted on our minds. Then, often, as adults, we continue to live these patterns without realising it. We don’t speak up because we might upset someone. We ignore our own needs because we have learned to put others first. We tell ourselves we are overreacting when our boundaries are ignored. We feel we should be grateful for having a job, a home, a partner, even though we don’t feel happy with any of them. We believe it’s our role to be good and always keep the peace. None of these patterns means that anything is wrong with you. They simply show what your younger self learned to do to feel safe. Over the years, these patterns have become so familiar that they are now automatic. We no longer know what we actually think. My client, Jay, grew up in a household where her father ruled. He made every decision for the family. He probably never intended to continue making Jay’s decisions once she became an adult. But the pattern was imprinted in both of their minds. Only after her father was no longer there did Jay finally learn to listen to her own voice. Learning to listen When you are more aligned with your values and with the life you know, deep down, you are worthy of, you start to notice subtle signals, when: * Something leaves you feeling peaceful rather than drained. * You naturally keep returning to the same subjects, as if they are calling to you. * You find yourself having conversations without needing to prove anything. * You start noticing that feeling inside when something doesn’t feel right. * Time disappears when you are fully absorbed in an activity. * You start noticing a feeling of peace that says, ‘This feels like me.’ Slowing down Untying the knots that have held you back for years takes time. I have found that ‘slow’ and ‘simple’ work best. Alignment isn’t found by thinking harder; it’s found by creating space for it to return naturally. I love the word ‘natural’ because it makes me think of returning to nature. That’s what alignment is: a return to your natural self. It is found in the simple things, in the times when we slow down to notice who we are and where we are. * When we walk and take notice of the beauty around us. * When we slow our breathing during meditation. * When we visualise all the things that bring us joy and then start doing them. * When we journal our thoughts, hopes and dreams. * Simply sitting quietly and doing nothing at all. These are the moments when you notice your body feels at home. You feel at peace. At first, slowing down can feel uncomfortable. Your mind has become accustomed to old patterns of staying busy, pleasing others, or constantly striving. When you begin to choose something different, your nervous system may interpret that unfamiliarity as a threat. Be patient with yourself. The more often you return to these quieter moments, the more natural they feel. People often think alignment requires huge life changes. It doesn’t. You only need to ask yourself simple questions such as: “What do I need today?” “What feels true?” “What would I choose if I weren’t trying to impress anyone?” Making small choices that feel right for you helps build your self-trust and realigns you with your own needs. Coming home to yourself You don’t have to have all the answers today. You simply need to become a little more familiar with yourself. Every time you pause, notice and honour one quiet signal, you’re strengthening the relationship you’ll have with yourself for the rest of your life. Last week we explored what it feels like to live out of alignment. This week is about something gentler. It’s about listening. Not to that loud inner critic or the fear that keeps you stuck. It is listening to the quiet voice that has been patiently waiting beneath them all. That voice is your inner compass. It has been quietly guiding you all along. The more often you listen, the easier it becomes to find your way home. Living in alignment isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s about returning to who you’ve always been. The path was always there. Self-trust simply gives you the courage to walk it. Questions to reflect on this week * When do I feel most peaceful and most like myself? * What have I been ignoring because it feels inconvenient or uncomfortable? * Where in my life do I feel energised rather than drained? * If no one else’s opinion mattered, what would I choose? * What is one quiet signal I have noticed recently that deserves my attention? If you are feeling out of alignment and want to explore your true path, come and work with me. Over the years, I have mastered confidence and self-belief. Now I am here to help you to do the same.Much loveSue xx This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit suereid.substack.com/subscribe
