The Attachment Confessions

Chelsea S.
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From FA to Secure AF: How Attachment Science Changed My Life...For Real. From the moment I discovered attachment science, everything – literally EV-ERY-THING – about every relationship I'd ever been in finally made sense. And now, I'm learning what it takes to earn my attachment security and have the best possible relationships from now on. Here on The Attachment Confessions, we'll dive deep into the mind-blowing and freakishly accurate world of attachment science, my childhood, my relationships, and my journey of going from FA to secure AF (if you know, you know – and if you don't know, don't worry! You will soon). We'll also highlight guests sharing their own attachment lived experiences, bring on a variety of attachment & relationship experts, and sprinkle in listener Q&A episodes.  Throughout The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. We'll get into some pretty heavy stuff but have ourselves a good time while doing so! And who knows, maybe you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least! So whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, a Fearful Avoidant, OR the holy grail of them all – Securely Attached – all are welcome. Let's freaking go, y'all! xo – Chelsea

  1. 6 days ago

    Dating Red Flags & Deception: How to Spot Them Early & Protect Your Heart (Feat. Cray App Founder Justin Smith)

    This episode is for every single person who has ever looked back on a relationship and thought – "The signs were there... why didn't I see them?"😩 Justin Smith spent years in a marriage with someone he thought he knew completely. When the truth finally surfaced, it wasn't just painful – it was the kind of disorienting, trust-shattering experience that makes you question your own judgment entirely. So instead of staying in that place, he built something — Cray — a dating safety app designed to help people spot red flags, detect deception, and verify who they're actually dealing with before they put their heart on the line. This episode is personal, practical and hits incredibly close to home for anyone healing from betrayal❤️‍🩹 What we cover in this episode: Justin's personal story: The relationship that changed everything and the deception that took years to surface Why he went looking for red flag detection tools, found almost nothing useful, and decided to build one himself What Cray's tagline "vibes lie, patterns don't" means — and why it's the most important dating mindset shift you can make A breakdown of Cray's five reports – CrayScore™, SchemerScore™, BaeScore™, CatfishCheck, and OffenderCheck – what each one does and when to use them The most common red flags people miss in early dating (and why we're so prone to explaining them away) How insecure attachment styles make us especially vulnerable to missing warning signs (this one hits, y'all) Why using a tool like Cray isn't paranoia — it's self-protection How to use Cray as part of re-entering the dating world after a toxic or deceptive relationship Justin built the tool he wishes he'd had. And honestly? So do I. "Informed trust is stronger trust. Knowing who someone really is before you give them your heart isn't paranoia — it's the smartest thing you can do for yourself." — Justin Smith 🚩 Try Cray free: Run your first report at cray.app — available on iOS, Android, and the web.    🦊WIN FREE CRAY SWAG! Here's how to get in the mix: 1. Go to Instagram 2. Follow @theattachmentconfessions and @cray.app 3. "Like" this episode's post 4. Tag 3 friends in the comments 5. 3 winners will be chosen at random and announced on the next Attachment Confessions episode! 💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email chelsea@theattachmentconfessions.com   ❤️ Ready to heal your insecure attachment? Listeners get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.   About Justin Smith: Justin Smith is the Founder & CEO of Cray — a dating safety app that helps people identify red flags, detect manipulation and deception, and verify who they're actually meeting before the first date. Cray has been featured in Yahoo Finance, Morningstar, Global Dating Insights, and The AI Journal. Related episodes: My Attachment Red Flags: The Fearful Avoidant Patterns I Ignored for Years (and finally owned up to) Love Bombing 101: How to Spot It, Why We Fall for It, and How to Get Out Attachment vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing

  2. 10 Jul

    Emotional Safety & Communication in Relationships: What Every Attachment Style Gets Wrong (and how to get it right) Feat. Certified Marriage Coach Kameran Al-Areqi

    Y'all – "communication issues" might be the most common complaint in relationships. But here's what most people don't realize: you can't fix your communication until you fix your emotional safety💜 This week I'm joined by Kameran Al-Areqi — Gottman Certified Marriage Coach, straight-shooter, and one of the most practically brilliant guests we've had on TAC. Kam is breaking down exactly why so many couples struggle to communicate, how attachment science sits at the root of all of it, and the concrete tools to finally create the emotional safety your relationship needs to thrive. What we cover in this episode: Why "communication issues" are almost never really about communication — and what's actually going on underneath What emotional safety is and why it's the foundation every relationship lives or dies on How emotional safety (or the lack of it) forms in childhood — and how it shows up in your adult relationships The A.R.E. acronym — a game-changing framework for understanding what your partner actually needs from you Why 90% of conversations end the way they start — and what that means for how you approach conflict How to de-escalate in the middle of conflict and stop the retaliation cycle Real examples of emotionally safe vs. emotionally unsafe communication What happens when one partner is doing the healing work and the other is resistant How to become a safe emotional landing place for your partner — and why it changes everything This one is practical, punchy, and packed with insights you can actually use – and Kameran doesn't hold back🙌 Also in this episode: I share exciting news about going back to school to obtain my Integrated Attachment Theory Certification through Thais Gibson's Personal Development School!! Stay tuned for more on that! 💜 Free resource: Grab the Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — your roadmap for talking through attachment, needs, and triggers with your partner. DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email chelsea@theattachmentconfessions.com   About Kameran Al-Areqi: Kameran is a Gottman Certified Marriage Coach with a straight-shooting, no-nonsense approach to helping couples build the relationships they actually want. Her practical insights on emotional safety and communication are grounded in Gottman Method research — one of the most evidence-based frameworks in relationship science. Check out Kameran here: Instagram: @married.and.connected YouTube: www.youtube.com/@marriedandconnected Join Kam's Skool Community: https://www.skool.com/married-connected-4920/about Buy Kam's book – Connected to Me: The Blueprint: https://a.co/d/0a3d2hPx Kam's podcast: Married and Connected (find it anywhere you get your favorite podcasts) Substack: https://substack.com/@marriedandconnected Related episodes: Conflict in Relationships: How Securely Attached Couples Fight Differently (and what we can steal from them) Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries – And How to Finally Make Them Stick FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most (and how to make it work)

  3. 24 Jun

    Call Her Insecure: How Hookup Culture is Wrecking Your Attachment (feat. Attachment Expert Bev Mitelman)

    Here's something nobody in the modern dating conversation wants to say out loud: Hookup culture isn't freedom. It's a trap. Especially for those of us with insecure attachments. This week I'm joined by Bev Mitelman – Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and founder of Securely Loved – for one of the most important conversations we've had on The Attachment Confessions. Bev brings 25+ years of clinical expertise AND her own lived experience with insecure attachment to unpack exactly why hookup culture and attachment healing are fundamentally at odds. Y'all — a lot of us have told ourselves that keeping things casual is the safe option. That it protects us from getting hurt. That it's empowering. This episode is going to challenge that in the best possible way🙌 What we cover in this episode: What hookup culture actually is Why hookup culture is especially damaging for Anxious Preoccupied and Fearful Avoidant attachment styles — and what's happening in the nervous system The science of oxytocin — why the bonding hormone makes "no strings attached" nearly impossible How casual hookups reinforce your old emotional blueprint instead of helping you rewrite it Why using hookup culture to feel "in control" is actually one of the most common attachment self-sabotage patterns This convo is going to hit close to home for a lot of us. And that's exactly why we needed to have it💜 💜 Ready to break your toxic relationship cycles for good? Check out Bev Mitelman's work at securelyloved.com 💜 Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout.   About Bev Mitelman, M.A.: Bev is a Certified Relationship & Attachment Trauma Practitioner and Certified Menopause Specialist with 25+ years in personal growth. She helps people break toxic relationship cycles, rebuild self-worth, and communicate with confidence in love, parenting, and family life. As someone who grew up in an unpredictable, chaotic environment and absorbed deeply unhealthy relationship patterns as a result, Bev knows firsthand that you're not broken — you're following an old emotional blueprint that can be healed. Related episodes: Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

  4. 11 Jun

    Boundaries & Anxious Attachment: The True Cost of Having Zero Boundaries — And How to Finally Make Them Stick

    Let me ask you something — how many times have you said yes when you meant no? Stayed silent when you should have spoken up? Set a boundary and caved on it within five minutes?🙋 Same, y'all. Same. And as a healing fearful avoidant, I am so done letting that be my story. This episode is a wake-up call — for my anxious preoccupieds, my fellow fearful avoidants, and honestly anyone who's ever abandoned themselves to keep the peace💜 What we cover in this episode: What boundaries actually are — and what they absolutely are not (including the crucial difference between a boundary and an ultimatum) Why Anxious Preoccupieds are wired to fawn, appease and people-please instead of protect themselves — and the science behind it Why Fearful Avoidants have the most contradictory relationship with boundaries of any attachment style — and why that push-pull shows up in every relationship My personal boundary story — including the relationship that slowly eroded my sense of self (and what finally changed) 6 practical, totally doable steps to start setting and keeping boundaries without blowing up your relationships or your nervous system Why follow-through is the most important — and hardest — piece of the whole thing The closing truth: boundaries aren't selfish. They're one of the most loving things you can do. For yourself AND the people you care about. As Dr. John Delony says — behavior is a language. When someone repeatedly disrespects your boundaries, they're telling you exactly how much they value you and the relationship. That's a lesson I wish I'd learned a whole lot sooner💜 "We do not set ourselves on fire in order to keep others warm." — Peaceful Barb 💜 Free resource: Grab my brand-new Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — your roadmap for having the attachment conversations you've been avoiding. DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions or email chelsea@theattachmentconfessions.com to get your free copy. 💜 Ready to heal your attachment? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Good for her self-paced courses, 1:1 coaching, online workshops, and hybrid group coaching program. People & resources mentioned: Dr. John Delony — "behavior is a language" Peaceful Barb — follow her on Instagram for boundary mantras that hit different Codie Sanchez — "You must learn to be disliked or you'll find yourself stuck in a prison of other people's beliefs." Coming up next: Attachment expert Bev Mitelman joins TAC to kick off our brand-new Summer Guest Series — and y'all, we're going there. We're talking about how hookup culture is absolutely wrecking our attachment healing. This one might ruffle some feathers, but it's a conversation that needs to happen. Don't miss it🙌 Related episodes: Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most Insecure Attachment Patterns: How to Stop Repeating Them & Actually Take Accountability

  5. 27 May

    Inside the Trenches: A Fearful Avoidant & Dismissive Avoidant Couple's Tell-All (feat. Tesha & Taylor)

    What happens when two avoidants fall in love? In this raw, eye-opening episode, we go inside the trenches of the most painful relationship dynamic — the Fearful Avoidant and the Dismissive Avoidant — with real-life couple Tesha & Taylor. This is not a highlight reel. This is the unfiltered truth about what it actually looks like to love someone when each of your biggest needs are your partner's ultimate triggers. Tesha and Taylor sit down to share their story — the blissful beginning, the conflict that changed everything, the breakthroughs, and the moments they almost didn't make it. Together, they unpack how they each discovered their attachment styles, what their dynamic looked like at its hardest, and how they've learned to communicate, reconnect, and choose each other — even when every instinct says run. In this episode, we cover: How Tesha & Taylor's attachment styles formed in childhood What it feels like to be a Fearful Avoidant in a relationship How the Dismissive Avoidant experiences love, distance and connection The triggers that sent them into their attachment patterns — and what pulled them back Real moments of conflict and how they worked through them The breakthroughs that changed everything for Tesha & Taylor Their advice for others finding themselves in the torturous FA/DA conflict cycle Whether you're a Fearful Avoidant, a Dismissive Avoidant, in a relationship with one, or just trying to understand your own patterns — this episode is for you. This conversation is honest, emotional, and deeply human. Grab your headphones and get ready to feel seen. Doing the work together just got a little easier. 🤍 I created a FREE Attachment Conversation Guide for Couples — packed with questions to help you and your partner go deeper, heal together, and finally feel understood. Grab yours now! DM me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions and I'll get it sent your way! 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed Tesha & Taylor's. xo - Chelsea

  6. 13 May

    FA & DA Relationship: Why the Fearful Avoidant / Dismissive Avoidant Dynamic Hurts the Most (and how to make it work)

    Y'all – this one is personal. The fearful avoidant / dismissive avoidant relationship dynamic is, without question, the most painful attachment combination out there. And as a healing FA who's been on both sides of it? I know this one all too well.  In this episode, we're getting into exactly why the FA/DA pairing starts off feeling like fate — and why it almost always ends in flames. What we cover in this episode: Why the FA and DA are magnetically attracted to each other at first (hint: it's the shadow self) The difference between vulnerability and transparency — and why DAs seem open but aren't How the honeymoon phase fades and the conflict cycle begins Why the DA shuts down and the FA spirals — and how each makes the other's wounds worse My own FA/DA story and what finally broke things for good What it actually takes for this relationship dynamic to survive — and when to walk away The FA needs to feel seen, heard and understood. The DA needs peace and harmony above all else. When those two core needs collide – especially in conflict – it creates a cycle that's genuinely brutal to break out of. But it's not impossible. As long as both partners are willing to do the work. 💜Looking to heal your own FA/DA relationship? Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Sarah Hensley's attachment healing programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. Listen to these episodes first: > Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant > Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant > Attachment vs. Narcissism: How to Tell the Difference — and Why It Matters for Your Healing Coming up next: Our first-ever couple joins the pod! Tesha & Taylor are an FA/DA couple who've lived this dynamic firsthand — and are now on the road to healing. You will NOT want to miss this one. 🙌 If this episode hit home, share it with someone who needs it. You never know what people are going through – and attachment science genuinely changes lives. It changed mine. xo - Chelsea

  7. 22 Apr

    Your Attachment Questions Answered: Listener Q&A

    Hello, Confessions Fam! Welcome back for episode 23! He’s baaack! Everyone’s favorite Dismissive Avoidant (actually, recently discovered Fearful Avoidant who leans avoidant) – Brent Stokes – is joining the pod again to help answer YOUR questions! You’ve inquired – and as your semi-fearless host, I’m here to give you my {not so} expert attachment advice, purely based on my past year of personal heartbreak, Phoenix-like rising, and next-level obsession of burrowing down the attachment science rabbit hole.  When the people have relationship questions, we’re here to give you the best possible answers to your attachment woes. Been there, done that – got 3+ decades worth of insecure attachment T-shirts! Today is going to hit hard, provide sound advice, and bring clarity on your most-asked attachment questions I’ve received over the past 7 months since TAC launched. As ALWAYS, please ask any attachment-related questions or just chit chat with me on Instagram @theattachmentconfessions To have your question answered on future Q&A episodes, send an audio message with your name, location, and question to the “TAC hotline” to be featured. Love you guys so much and thank you for your heartfelt questions! xo - Chelsea & Brent Links from today's episode: >>NEW OFFER FOR LISTENERS OF THE ATTACHMENT CONFESSIONS!!>Want 15% off awesome, faith-inspired clothing and accessories?  Check out Dwell.Apparel and use my referral link to get this discount! https://dwellapparel.com/?ref=chelsea15 OR use discount code CHELSEASCOTT at checkout

  8. 10 Apr

    Secure Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Born & Raised Secures

    Grab a hankie for your happy tears — because episode 22 is all about the holy grail of attachment styles: the Born & Raised Secures🙌 This is the final episode of TAC's 4-part attachment style deep-dive series, and we're going out with a bang. Because honestly? After three episodes unpacking insecure attachments, nothing feels better than getting an up-close look at what secure attachment actually looks like — and being reminded that it's achievable for every single one of us💜 Side note: listenership increased by 103% during this deep dive series. Y'all are incredible! Thank you. What we cover in this episode: How secure attachment forms in childhood — the two words that explain everything: consistent attunement What securely attached people carry into their relationships and why it's so different from insecure styles Interdependence — what it is, why it's the goal, and how it differs from codependence or avoidance How secure couples handle conflict differently — approaching it with curiosity instead of defensiveness Why securely attached people tend to attract other secures — and the 5 red flags that signal insecure attachment to a secure partner Why attachment quizzes are pretty much garbage (and what to do instead) The 2 things that actually earn your attachment security: self-awareness and daily practice What "catch and correct" behavior is — and why it's one of the most powerful tools in your healing toolkit Here's the truth: born secures don't make up the majority of attachment styles. But thanks to the miracle that is neuroplasticity, those of us who weren't blessed to start out secure can absolutely get there. It's not a quick fix — it's a daily practice. And it is so worth it🙌 "What matters is that the moments when your insecure attachment rears its unpretty head happen less and less frequently. And when they do, you're able to recognize it quickly and pivot." 💜 Ready to earn your attachment security? I personally recommend Dr. Sarah Hensley's programs. Listeners of The Attachment Confessions get 10% off Dr. Hensley's programs at thelovedoc.com — use code CHELSEA10 at checkout. 👗 Dwell Apparel: Faith-inspired clothing, drinkware & accessories — Get 15% off with code CHELSEASCOTT at dwellapparel.com Also mentioned: Thais Gibson — Learning Love (2023) and Personal Development School Adam Lane Smith — Attachment expert & relationship coach Catch up on the full series: Episode 19 — Anxious Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Anxious Preoccupied Episode 20 — Avoidant Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Dismissive Avoidant Episode 21 — Disorganized Attachment Explained: A Deep Dive into the Fearful Avoidant

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About

From FA to Secure AF: How Attachment Science Changed My Life...For Real. From the moment I discovered attachment science, everything – literally EV-ERY-THING – about every relationship I'd ever been in finally made sense. And now, I'm learning what it takes to earn my attachment security and have the best possible relationships from now on. Here on The Attachment Confessions, we'll dive deep into the mind-blowing and freakishly accurate world of attachment science, my childhood, my relationships, and my journey of going from FA to secure AF (if you know, you know – and if you don't know, don't worry! You will soon). We'll also highlight guests sharing their own attachment lived experiences, bring on a variety of attachment & relationship experts, and sprinkle in listener Q&A episodes.  Throughout The Attachment Confessions, you'll have a ring-side seat to my attachment healing adventure. We'll get into some pretty heavy stuff but have ourselves a good time while doing so! And who knows, maybe you'll also be inspired to embark on your own attachment healing journey. That's my hope, at least! So whether you're an Anxious Preoccupied, a Dismissive Avoidant, a Fearful Avoidant, OR the holy grail of them all – Securely Attached – all are welcome. Let's freaking go, y'all! xo – Chelsea

Information

  • Creator
    Chelsea S.
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    29
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2025 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    The Attachment Confessions

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