Men & Mental Health Dear Men, you are loved, you are valued, you are perfect the way you are. You don’t need to conform to society’s expectations of you. You are allowed to cry, be vulnerable, express yourself, reinvent your identity, and do what feels right to you.❤️🩹 Social media, television, society, family and peer-structures are teaching men who they are supposed to be, how they are supposed to look, how they are supposed to act and treat others, how they are supposed to shame, berate and hate themselves to change... It’s no wonder we are living in a very tentative, abusive societal climate currently. Men are groomed to… * maintain a “nice guy appearance” * hurt others for access to control or power * be untrustworthy of safety or stability * feel unsafe feeling or expressing their emotions * feel unsafe trusting women or vulnerable experiences and emotions And many other conformities. If we don’t talk about and admit there’s something going on here, then it just continue to go on like it has been. And I really hope we do not want to keep living in a world where the individuals in power are abusing it and vulnerable individuals. Ignoring what we teach men or how we treat their emotions or respond to them only keeps these abuse rings going. ***I’m mostly discussing women’s relations affecting men since that’s what I am more aware of, but of course men and fathers effect men as well. Though, it’s a very different, important conversation that has it’s separate complexities with biology, hormones, family relatives, trauma, etc. An amazing podcast for men’s health is Huberman Lab podcast - here’s an interesting one about prenatal testosterone, birth order and biology of men. *** The Issues Underneath. If we keep expecting men to conform to certain identities, then they keep showing up inauthentically with their ego. If we want men to show up authentically, as their true, best self, we have to cultivate an environment where… * it’s safe for them to feel their emotions, * they can ask for their needs to be met and seen * they can ask and accept help * they are allowed to choose their own identity and values Well, how do we do show up for men in our lives? We ask them questions, and we let them talk about their problems without communicating a solution to them of what they’re “supposed to do” or “how to fix it”. Remember the scene from the movie Freaky Friday, where Coleman “Lohan” is pretending to be a therapist? She’s listening to the patient talk about feeling depressed and she responds and asks “and… how do you feel about that?” and the guy says,offendedly, “…depressed.” This scene is hilarious, and is one of my favorite because it’s ridiculous and so accurate. Here’s the link to the scene if you want a reminder (: This is exactly who should embody when you are listening to men- women do not need to fix men’s problems or try to fix or take care of them. When a man is coming to you for help… * listen to him presently * ask him questions on how he feels * ask what comes up in his body or in his mind or where he is feeling these emotions, * ask him if he feels like something is “going to happen” or the thoughts they’re having * ask if a memory is coming up from the past…. * suggest and support him making healthy connections, new hobbies, going to therapy… When in doubt, listen without giving judgement or advice, and let them know you’re here for them. Thank you for reading and listening, I appreciate you being here ❤️ Ashley Reilly Get full access to Ashley Reilly's: The Accountabilityy Hour at daydreamslowlyy.substack.com/subscribe
