Category Pirates

Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️

The authority on category design, category creation & creator capitalism. Sharing how legendary entrepreneurs, executives, marketers, and creators design business breakthroughs. By Christopher Lochhead, Eddie Yoon, & Bri Clark www.categorypirates.news

  1. 2 days ago

    WSJ celebrated Burger King’s 8.5% growth, but doesn’t get BK’s Category Design is still broken.

    The Wall Street Journal covers companies. Pirate Street Journal cover categories. Each week, we pick three headlines worth paying attention to and break down the category underneath. Live every Tuesday at 7 am PST / 10 am EST. See the news through a different lens. Keep reading in the Deep Dive Reports. Dear Friend, Subscriber, and Category Pirate, Here’s what we covered in this episode: 1. Burger King fixed the product and the company. It never touched the category. 8.5% Burger King’s US restaurants sold 8.5% more than they did a year earlier, its best quarter in two years. Wendy’s sold 7% less. Burger King earned that. Look at the work: * It bought back its biggest franchisee, a company operating about a thousand of its restaurants, to get control of its own operations again. That is a company move. * It rebuilt the Whopper. New bun, new mayo, a box that keeps it hot, and the chef who developed the Popeyes chicken sandwich. That is a product move. * It retired the King mascot, cut the menu down, and launched “You Rule.” Company again. The Magic Triangle says a legendary business designs three things at the same time: the product, the company, and the category the product lives in. Burger King nailed two and left the third blank. It is still selling burgers, in the burger category, against everyone else selling burgers. The only available win is being slightly better at the identical thing, forever. Then there is In-N-Out. Family-owned since 1948, never franchised, never public, one of the shortest menus in fast food. Its secret menu (Animal Style, 4x4, protein style) is a fixed set of options, which lets super consumers, the small group of customers who buy the most and care the most, feel like insiders without slowing the line down by a second. Ask a group if they want to go get a burger and you get a shrug. Ask if they want In-N-Out and you get an answer. So what does this mean for you? If your competitor is beating you, the instinct is to out-execute them. Better product, tighter operations, sharper ads. Burger King did all three and won a fight that does not change its life. Fighting for number two in a weak category is not a strategy. 2. Reddit is the last unpaid room on the internet, and brands are showing up with a wallet. Reddit is now the most cited website in AI answers. When ChatGPT tells you which running shoe to buy, it is largely reading Reddit. Advertising revenue on Reddit hit $762 million last quarter, up 64%. So a category appeared. Agencies now sell brands 35 to 100 Reddit comments a month for $2,500. For $4,500 they will get negative posts removed or replaced. Which means brands have decided complaints are a mess to clean up. An angry customer is an engaged customer. Hate is love in motion. Make one furious Superconsumer whole, meaning the small group of customers who buy the most and care the most, and you get your loudest evangelist for the price of a refund. And when people complain about your brand, they are usually complaining about your whole category. Netflix exists because everyone hated Blockbuster’s late fees. Keurig exists because office coffee sat on a burner going bitter all morning. A thread full of complaints is a category design brief written for free by the exact people who would pay you to fix it. So what does this mean for you? You do not need $4,500 a month to plant comments about your business. You need an afternoon reading what people already say about your category and the nerve not to argue with them. 3. Mascots that celebrate brands will fizzle, but can work if they focus on customer outcomes. Crocs just introduced Niles, a six-foot crocodile that hatched from an egg on social. Liberty Mutual ran six characters and 160 ad concepts through Jim Henson’s Creature Shop to land on Liberty Biberty, a yellow ball of fuzz. System1, a firm that measures how ads actually perform, says brands quit on a new character after twelve to eighteen months, right before the compounding starts. A mascot gets more valuable the longer you run it, which makes the asset the calendar, not the character. Which is why the two smartest moves here are not new characters at all. Crocs has had a grinning crocodile in its logo since 2002, so Niles arrives with 24 years of recognition already banked. Liberty Biberty is named after a line an actor flubbed in an older Liberty Mutual ad. Both companies skipped the wait by animating something people already knew. The mascot ladder. A mascot can point at four things, and the higher it points, the longer it pays. * Brand. The Aflac duck yells the company name at you. That is all it does. * Product. Snap, Crackle and Pop are the sound of the cereal in the bowl. * Category. Mr. Clean is what the entire cleaning category promises: strong, and it works. * Outcome. The Energizer Bunny is the result you actually want, a battery that does not quit. The Doughboy did the same job and then spent a decade as a rubbery toy on your grandmother’s fridge. So what does this mean for you? Before you commission a character, ask whether you will still be running it in three years when nobody has noticed, and whether you already own something recognizable you could animate instead of starting at zero. 3 conversations to have about the news with The Pirate Eddie Bot and The Pirate Christopher Bot The bots run this week’s moves against your category. They come with the founding tier and they jam at 3am when you are the only one still thinking about this. * Audit your triangle before you audit your marketing. Give the bots your last four quarters of wins and ask which corner each one lands in. If the category column comes back empty, you are Burger King with a better bun. * Mine your complaints for the category, not the apology. Paste in your worst reviews and ask what category problem sits underneath them. Blockbuster’s late fees built Netflix. * Ladder your mascot, logo, or tagline. Ask the bots to place it on brand, product, category, or outcome, then ask what moves it up a rung. Aflac’s duck has been on the bottom for 25 years. Not a founding member yet? You can join here. New episodes drop every Tuesday: three topics, thirty minutes, a couple of bongos. Our Deep Dive Reports go deep on one company or one shift, with the category read and the call attached. Founding Members get each one start to finish the day it drops, and everyone else gets the preview. Read the Deep Dive Reports here. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead P.S. - Every story this week came down to the same move: find the problem before you go shopping for a solution. The Category Design Academy is where you do that at the category level. You name the problem only you can name, then design the category around it, so you stop competing on terms somebody else set. The next cohort starts in October. Apply now to save your seat before it sells out. 👉 Learn more about the Category Design Academy here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe

  2. 6 days ago

    Customer Diagnostic Design Audiobook

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe Your prospects aren’t stalling because your pitch is weak. They’re stalling because nobody has handed them a number. There are about 3.6 million births a year in the United States. Americans buy well over 100 million pregnancy tests. That’s 25 times more tests than babies, a $500 million category built entirely out of the gap between not knowing and knowing. Nobody buys a pregnancy test for the plastic. They buy the two minutes. Every category has a fence, and most of your best prospects are sitting on it. Do I need this? Is now the time? Will I look smart or stupid in six months? A legendary diagnostic answers all three in under ten minutes and makes the answer feel personal. It’s like trying on a jacket in a store. Once you see yourself in it, you might really want it. This mini-book gives you 12 steps. Six to create your diagnostic, six to commercialize it. Plus 30 diagnostics from everyday life, scored against the six criteria, so you can steal the shape without stealing the idea. Pirates Clint and Eddie built one of these for an aesthetics company. An eight-minute Google survey that spat out a personalized pricing report in seconds. It generated hundreds of leads at zero cost against a Google CAC of nearly $100, and it gave them the cover to raise the device price 60% while the business went from $7.5 million to over $35 million in 15 months. Your Intellectual Capital is worth very little trapped in your head. It’s worth millions as a score. Here’s what you’ll get inside: [00:04:01] – Diagnostics Are Quietly Running Trillions Of Dollars Of Commerce: $18.8 trillion of household debt moves on a three-digit FICO score. A $101.9 billion diamond category moves on four letters from the GIA. [00:07:24] – Indecision Is A Category Problem, Not A Sales Problem: Pirate Eddie walked into the biggest aesthetics conference in Paris and called it word salad. Then one vial of gunk outsold every booth in the building. [00:09:39] – The Six Criteria That Separate A Legendary Diagnostic From A Quiz: One number. Fast to take. Wide enough to sting. Hard to game. Predictive. It’s also why the IQ test fails and Rotten Tomatoes doesn’t. [00:17:08] – Price Your Diagnostic In Three Currencies, Not One: Money, time, and information. Theirs was free in dollars, cheap in minutes, and wildly expensive in data. [00:22:38] – The Correlation That Built A Category: Law firms with years of SEO authority had a median AI visibility score of zero. Pirates Nick and Lydia turned that into an index, a diagnostic, and millions in revenue. If your best prospects keep telling you they love it and then never sign, this mini-book is the two-minute test you’ve been missing. That’s how you turn what you know into a number people act on. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead PS: Help like-minded pirates “think different.” If reading this opened your mind to new and different thinking, share it with a friend or click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can learn about Category Pirates.

  3. 18 Aug

    Zuckerberg is spending $600 billion to buy the one thing that was never for sale

    The Wall Street Journal covers companies. Pirate Street Journal cover categories. Each week, we pick three headlines worth paying attention to and break down the category underneath. Live every Tuesday at 7 am PST / 10 am EST. See the news through a different lens. Dear Friend, Subscriber, and Category Pirate, Here’s what we covered in this episode: 1. Zuck published 6,500 words on free AI. Meta is spending $600 billion by 2028 to deliver it. Monday morning, Mark Zuckerberg published 6,500 words called “The Future is for Everyone”. Open weights are back. A new model called Muse Glimmer Now. A billion dollar fund for the towns around Meta’s data centers. Model safety criteria handed to the board, because in his words he shouldn’t be the sole decision maker on how superintelligence gets deployed. And a fully private mode for personal agents that even Meta cannot see into. Sitting underneath all of it: $145 billion of capital spending this year. $600 billion by 2028. A stock investors dumped in July when he couldn’t explain how any of it makes money. As a category manifesto, it’s a good one. He frames the problem, then paints a new and different future. He did this exact thing once before. He renamed the company Meta and category designed a market called the metaverse. It cost well over a billion dollars, and it never arrived, because he could never articulate what the customer got out of it. The vision isn’t the problem. The author is. The seminal question in AI is not how powerful your model is. It’s whether we trust you. 2. LinkedIn says 41% of its long posts are written by AI. Its detectors flag humans at 60%. LinkedIn now has a button that says “seems like AI slop.” Pangram Labs looked at nearly 57,000 items from April to June. 41% of long-form posts and 30% of all public comments were entirely AI-generated. On X, it was 29%. On Reddit, 13%. A second firm, originality.ai, looked at 5,000 public LinkedIn posts in July and found that 81% used AI more than a moderate amount. LinkedIn disputes the numbers and won’t give its own. It says it removes more than 200,000 AI spam comments a day and catches 94% of generic posts before they spread. The detectors disagree with each other, and writers who used zero AI have come back scored at 60%. The future of creating everything is vibe creating. Everybody knows vibe coding. This is the same thing for decks, books, maths, and work generally. And LinkedIn is busy scarlet lettering it. AI is a tool, yet nobody demanded a warning label for any of the last four tools: * The spreadsheet. Nobody called it synthetic math. * PowerPoint. Nobody sat down and said, today we’re watching Jimmy’s synthetic presentation. * Spell check. Nobody voided your document over it. * The calculator and the slide rule. Still legal. There is a real problem in here, and it isn’t the writing. Deepfakes are real. A fake video of a world leader or a CEO is the front end of a fraud. Guardrails there, absolutely. Scarlet letters on a person who used AI to fix their commas, no. LinkedIn already shipped the button that solves this. It says unfollow. If it’s slop, we don’t care whether it came from a machine or from a sloppy brain. 3. Wine shipments fell 11% on the ground. United is pouring 9.5 million glasses in the air. On the ground, people are drinking less, eating less, and losing their attention span. At altitude, every number runs the other way. Wine. California wineries shipped 203 million cases last year, down 11%, with growers ripping out prized vines they can’t sell. In the air, United is on track to pour 9.5 million glasses in Polaris this year and has put $35 million into its wine program in two years. American went through 3.5 million bottles of Italian sparkling in twelve months. One airline placement moves 4,000 to 6,000 cases a quarter. Getting on a restaurant list moves 1,000. Weight. Jefferies says if average passenger weight drops 10% on GLP-1s, planes get 2% lighter, fuel burn falls 1.5%, and EPS rises 2.8% at Delta, 3.5% at United, 4.2% at Southwest, and 11.7% at American. Fuel is 19% of operating expense, $39 billion a year. Wi-Fi. More than 1,100 aircraft have Starlink installed, 7,500 equipped or under contract across 46 airlines, at $200,000 a plane. SpaceX says at least one airline is watching passengers book a connection over a nonstop on purpose, just to be on a Starlink aircraft. Drones. DoorDash just cleared FAA certification and is building American-made delivery drones, into a sky that already has small planes in it. The press filed four unrelated oddities. When we look at it through the category lens, they’re all related and showcase where consumer spending is headed. 3 conversations to have about the news with the Pirate Eddie Bot and Pirate Christopher Bot Every move above works on your business too. The Pirate Eddie Bot and the Pirate Christopher Bot help you run these plays on YOUR category, they come with the founding tier, and they jam 24/7. Take this to them this week: * Audit your give to get. Tell the bots exactly what you take from a customer and exactly what they get back, then ask which side of that ledger a stranger would trust. Zuck’s ledger is 6,500 words on one side and an ad model on the other. * Separate your problem and POV from your plan and polish. Hand the bots your last three pieces of work and have them mark which layer AI actually touched. Polish is fine. Outsourcing the POV is how you become the 41%. * Find the superconsumer you’re pricing as a seat class. Ask the bots who inside your best segment would gladly pay for one specific thing you currently give away, and what you should ask for in return. The through-line: every company in this episode already has something worth trading for. The ones that won this week asked for it out loud instead of taking it quietly. Not a founding member yet? You can join here. New episodes drop every Tuesday: three topics, thirty minutes, a couple of bongos. Our Deep Dive Reports go deep on one company or one shift, with the category read and the call attached. Founding Members get each one start to finish the day it drops, and everyone else gets the preview. Read the Deep Dive Reports here. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead P.S. - Every story this week came down to the same move: find the problem before you go shopping for a solution. The Category Design Academy is where you do that at the category level. You name the problem only you can name, then design the category around it, so you stop competing on terms somebody else set. The next cohort starts in October and will sell out. Apply now to save your seat. 👉 Learn more about the Category Design Academy here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe

  4. 12 Aug

    The B2B2C CEO Audiobook

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe Most boards hire the wrong category of CEO and don’t know it. Dr. Dre is a billionaire. Most people have never seen him live. Snoop Dogg tried to be Dre. Launched a label, signed artists, built a machine. None of his signings became stars. Not one. Snoop’s gift is being Snoop. That’s a spectacular gift. It’s just not the gift that builds systems. The B2C created Snoop. The B2B2C created the B2C. Dre could be Snoop. Snoop could not be Dre. This is the part most boards miss. They hire a famous B2C operator to run a B2B2C platform and watch margin evaporate. It happened to Hydrafacial. It happens every week somewhere on the Russell 3000. The category of CEO matters. The category of business model matters. The combination matters most of all. This audiobook tells the story of the most valuable category of CEO almost nobody is selecting for, and the seven-step playbook that turns one into a Category King. Here’s what you’ll get inside: [00:08:13] – Why 90% of the top 10 global brands are B2B2C, and almost no one is naming it: We re-swizzled the Interbrand list and found something that should make every board chair uncomfortable. B2B2C brands in the top 25 are worth $1.3 trillion. B2C is worth $0.6 trillion. B2B is worth $0.3 trillion. The most valuable business model in the world is the one with the fewest qualified operators. [00:17:39] – The Hydrafacial rise and fall, in cold public numbers: Pirate Clint Carnell took Edge Systems from $48 million to $260 million by making the esthetician the center of the strategy. Then the board hired a B2C CEO. Then another. Then a B2B CEO. Combined S&M and G&A went from 53% of revenue to 73%, and never came back. 97% of market cap evaporated. This is what a category mismatch costs. [00:29:32] – The 7-step playbook to become a legendary B2B2C CEO: From “admit you have a knowledge gap” to “launch a B2B2C Lightning Strike that unlocks abundance for all.” This is the operating system Pirate Clint used to run the play. Most CEOs skip steps 1 through 4 and wonder why step 7 doesn’t work. [00:39:14] – A 52x efficiency advantage that should make every CFO sit down: When Category Pirates ran the Founding 50 Lightning Strike for Creator Capitalist, paid clicks came in at 10 cents versus the LinkedIn B2B benchmark of $5.26. Not 52% cheaper. 52 times cheaper. Supers don’t market like ads. They market like proof. The P&L knows the difference. [00:44:15] – The questions every board should ask before hiring the next CEO: Pedigree is a parabola. Charisma is compelling and often wrong. The right way to figure out the category of CEO is to ask them about marketing, show them the Hydrafacial G&A line, and see what they do with it. Let the numbers make the argument. You don’t have to. If your board is about to vote on a CEO who’s never heard of Pirate Clint, this audiobook is the briefing memo they should read first. That’s how you stop burning $1.3 trillion of value to bad pattern matching. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead PS: Help like-minded pirates “think different.” If reading this opened your mind to new and different thinking, share it with a friend or click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can learn about Category Pirates.

  5. 12 Aug

    Charitable Investing Audiobook

    This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe This mini-book is read to you by AI Pirate Christopher. (If reading is more your style—or you want to see all sources and GIFs—you can read the written version here.) Charitable Investing: How To Compound Your Generosity Without The Grief And Grift Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ · Aug 7 Read full story Americans gave a record $617 billion last year to a charity system almost nobody believes in. In 2025, Americans gave roughly $617 billion to charity. That is more than the GDP of most countries on earth. Here is the number that should stop you cold. Only 18.3% of Americans say they trust the charitable sector. We wrote the largest check in history to a system we openly do not believe in. The easy explanation is that people got greedy or jaded. It’s the wrong one. The donors were fine. The category was broken. Donor-advised funds sit on hundreds of billions and pay out almost nothing, while the worst charities in America hand 90 cents of every dollar to the folks who dialed your phone. Charitable Investing is the fix. It’s a genuinely new category of generosity that came to life on July 4th, 2026, when a law almost nobody read quietly made it possible. You already know the old choice. Give someone a fish, or teach them to fish. There is a third move nobody talks about. Give them a share of the fishing company and let it compound for 18 years while everyone sleeps. Same generosity, radically different return. Here’s what you’ll get inside: [00:02:32] – Your Brain Treats Giving Like Winning: Put someone in an FMRI scanner, move their money to a food bank, and the reward circuitry lights up like they just got paid. [00:05:43] – If You Can’t See Where Your Money Landed, Your Brain Won’t Pay You For It: Three conditions decide whether giving actually rewards you, and all three are in your control. Miss them and you get the tax receipt but none of the return. This is the section that explains why writing a check to a giant faceless fund feels like nothing. [00:06:56] – Every Bad Charity Story Is Bad Category Design, Not a Bad Donor: Donor-advised funds are hoarding hundreds of billions. The worst charities route 90 cents of every dollar to professional fundraisers. Kids Wish Network raised $128 million and roughly 2.5% of it reached a child. None of these were bad people. The category itself is built to leak. [00:14:51] – The Third Way to Give That Compounds While You Sleep: Give a fish, teach to fish, or hand someone a share of the fishing company. A new law made the third option available to anyone with a phone, starting July 4th, 2026. A $1,000 seed left alone for 18 years becomes $5,600. Add $100 a month and it becomes roughly $65,600. [00:34:22] – Meet the First Generation That Owns Before It Earns: A child born in 2026 turns 18 in 2044 having watched an asset compound her entire conscious life. She learns the one lesson that makes a Category Queen without ever sitting through a class: the thing that wins is the thing that keeps working while you sleep. This is how you mint the largest cohort of Category Pirates in history. If your giving is a line item you write off once a year instead of an asset you compound, this mini-book will change how you give for good. That’s how generosity stops leaking and starts compounding. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead PS: Help like-minded pirates “think different.” If reading this opened your mind to new and different thinking, share it with a friend or click the ❤️ button on this post so more people can learn about Category Pirates.

  6. 11 Aug

    Chili's is up 500% since 2022 betting on basic tech

    The Wall Street Journal covers companies. Pirate Street Journal cover categories. Each week, we pick three headlines worth paying attention to and break down the category underneath. Live every Tuesday at 7 am PST / 10 am EST. See the news through a different lens. Dear Friend, Subscriber, and Category Pirate, Here’s what we covered in this episode: 1. Why did the best turnaround in casual dining come from betting on basic tech? Chili’s parent company is up more than 500% since June of 2022. Twenty quarters in a row of sales growth. Last quarter sales rose another 4%, on top of a 31% jump the year before. Almost none of it came from AI. Here is what their tech boss, Chris Caldwell, bought instead: * Wi-Fi. Two years of work to fix it in 1,200 restaurants. * 23,000 iPads. The old tablets couldn’t hold a charge through one shift. * 9,000 kitchen touch screens and 1,200 laptops for managers. * Six AI projects. His team pitched him a few dozen. He kept six, and says he expects to cut more than he approves. The robot waiters went back. Chili’s did the thing almost nobody does. They started with the problem, not the tech. A restaurant has two problems. * The small one: the staff can’t hear each other. Anyone who has watched The Bear knows how fast that goes wrong. * The big one is turns and tickets. How many times a day does that table get used, and how much does each guest spend. A robot waiter doesn’t move either number. A button on the table that calls your server does. Paying up front, like at a ramen shop in Tokyo, does. Plastic food in the window so people know what to order does. So what does this mean for you? The Census Bureau says only 17 to 20% of American businesses used AI between December and May. At companies with 250+ people, it’s 37%. At companies under 20 people, it’s under 20%. That number didn’t move for five months. If you own a small business, you’ve been told that gap means you’re behind. It means the opposite. Big companies have the money. You have the thing they lost: you still know what problem your business exists to solve. The S&P 500 minus the seven giant tech companies spends about twice as much buying back its own stock as it does on new ideas. A buyback is a company saying, out loud, that it ran out of things to try. Use AI as your co-founder. Point it at your real problem in the next 12 to 18 months and you can pass companies a thousand times your size. 2. What happens when the customer becomes the power company? Base Power is three years old and just raised $1 billion. Investors say it’s worth $13 billion. It has put more than 23,000 batteries in people’s yards across Texas and Chicago. About 100 more every day. That adds up to 550 megawatt hours, as much storage as a big power plant project. It’s just spread across thousands of backyards instead of sitting in one place. Your power company has always been a monopoly. One choice, take it or leave it, run by the government or by a company the government controls. Base flips it. They own the battery in your yard. They sell you electricity. Then, when everyone’s air conditioning kicks on, and power gets expensive, they sell the power in all those batteries back to the grid. Here’s why that matters to you. You stop being the person who gets a bill. You become the person with something to sell. In West Texas, El Paso Electric is now paying homeowners $250 a battery, testing whether it can stop building expensive new plants entirely. People are already moving. Home electricity costs are up 42% across the country in five years. Up 94% in Washington DC. Up 74% in Maryland. Americans put in a record 1.3 gigawatt hours of home batteries in the first three months of this year alone. Two things follow, and they annoy opposite ends of the political spectrum. This is the greenest thing a homeowner can do, because the hours when everyone needs power are exactly the hours utilities burn their dirtiest fuel. It’s also the Jevons paradox: when something gets cheaper, people use much more of it. Go ahead and run the hot tub. Underneath all of it is one question. Is power scarce, or is it abundant? Believe it’s scarce and you ration it, fight your neighbors, and protest data centers. Believe it’s abundant and you notice there’s a giant nuclear reactor in the sky that has never once sent anybody a bill. 3. How did college kids gets get big career outcomes before graduating? Twenty college students at Indiana University run a real investment fund called Sample Gates Management. Not a class project. This was real money from real strangers. * $12 million raised from outside investors. None of it from the school. * $7.8 million from 74 investors last year. One person wrote a check for $700,000. * 400 deals looked at a year, 12 bought. Ten experienced executives sit on their committee and turn down about a third of what the students bring. * 65% profit in about 16 months on the first one they sold, a warehouse outside Indianapolis. Not one of them gets paid. Now the other number. The New York Fed says 41.5% of recent college graduates are working jobs that never required a degree. There are two kinds of education, and only one of them is the real one. The first is class. Read it, memorize it, hand it back on a test. The second is apprenticeship. I do it while you watch, and we talk about it. Then you do it while I watch, and we talk about it. Then you can do it alone. * For a surgeon, that’s residency. * For a trader, that’s the desk. * For these students, it’s a real deal with real money that can really lose. So here’s the question to ask, whether it’s for you or for a kid whose tuition you’re paying: how fast do you get to actually do the work? A future surgeon can wait ten years, because there’s a big paycheck at the end. If you can’t see when you’d ever get to do the real thing, that’s your problem right there. But the real winner of this WSJ article is the author. Look at who wrote the article. Lily Bell Polling is a senior at Yale and a reporting intern. A young person learning to report, writing about young people learning to invest. 3 conversations to have about the news with the Pirate Eddie Bot and Pirate Christopher Bot Every move above works on your business too. The Pirate Eddie Bot and the Pirate Christopher Bot help you run these plays on YOUR category, they come with the founding tier, and they jam 24/7. Take this to them this week: * Find your small problem and your big problem. Give the bots your five biggest headaches and have them sort out which ones are plumbing and which one is the real problem underneath. Chili’s plumbing was Wi-Fi. Its real problem was turns and tickets. What are yours? * Find where your customer has no choice. Ask the bots which part of your industry works like a monopoly, then design the version where your customer gets to sell something back. That’s what Base Power did to the grid. * Time your apprenticeship. Have the bots map how long it takes a new person at your company to actually do the work. If the answer is years, you have a design problem. The through-line: everybody reported the technology, and the problem was sitting underneath it the whole time. The robot, the utility, the diploma. Each one was a solution looking for a problem, and the winners this week went the other way. Not a founding member yet? You can join here. What’s coming up on Pirate Street Journal Next Tuesday, three topics we are already arguing about: * Zuck’s accidental AI manifesto. He wrote a long post about privacy and open source. The behavior he’s describing is what Apple and Google already do, which makes it an argument for owning those two and not Meta. * LinkedIn wants you to use less AI. 41% of long posts and 30% of comments there get flagged as fully AI-written. Pirate Eddie got flagged at 40% on something he wrote himself, about renting fins in Hawaii. This is the rare one where the three of us don’t agree. * Three weird facts about the future of flying. Wine is losing drinkers on the ground and winning at 35,000 feet. Consultants are booking layovers on purpose to get planes with Starlink. And DoorDash is putting delivery drones into a sky that already has small planes in it. New episodes drop every Tuesday: three topics, thirty minutes, a couple of bongos. Our Deep Dive Reports go deep on one company or one shift, with the category read and the call attached. Founding Members get each one start to finish the day it drops, and everyone else gets the preview. Read the Deep Dive Reports here. Most of what we make never shows up in a post like this one. $20 a month gets you the Tuesday episodes, every mini-book, every DDR preview, and every Breaking News report in full. $375 a year, about a dollar a day, gets you all of that plus the vault. Every Deep Dive Report start to finish the day it drops. The Pirate Eddie Bot and the Pirate Christopher Bot, which will jam with you at 3am about your category. All 300+ mini-books we have ever written, 30+ audiobooks, and all seven big books. Come aboard here. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead P.S. - Every story this week came down to the same move: find the problem before you go shopping for a solution. The Category Design Academy is where you do that at the category level. You name the problem only you can name, then design the category around it, so you stop competing on terms somebody else set. The next cohort starts in October and will sell out. Apply now to save your seat. 👉 Learn more about the Category Design Academy here. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe

  7. 4 Aug

    Google's free cash flow went negative for the first time. Does it matter with $242 billion in cash?

    The Wall Street Journal covers companies. Pirate Street Journal cover categories. Each week, we pick three headlines worth paying attention to and break down the category underneath. Live every Tuesday at 7 am PST / 10 am EST. See the news through a different lens. Dear Friend, Subscriber, and Category Pirate, Here’s what we covered in this episode: 1. Is Google’s negative $6 billion free cash flow is good news? Revenue of $119.8 billion, up 24%. Cloud up 82% with a $514 billion backlog, up from $460 billion in a single quarter. Free cash flow of negative $6 billion, the first negative quarter in company history. The Journal ran one great chart of the cliff and called it worrying. Same filing shows $242 billion in cash and marketable securities. Trailing twelve month revenue of $446 billion. Trailing operating cash flow of $186 billion. One chart cannot explain a company mid-transformation, and a quarter is the wrong unit of measurement when the thing you are measuring is a category migration. Milking versus prosecuting. Two kinds of companies exist. The ones milking a category king position they already own, and the ones prosecuting a future opportunity while the window is open. Buybacks are the tell for the first group. A buyback is a company admitting it has run out of ideas and would rather grow the stock than the business. Cloud added $11 billion of incremental revenue. Search added $8.3 billion. The most perfect business ever built on the internet is now the slower half of its own company, in dollars, and that is the achievement. * Amazon. Incorporated 1994, no full year of profit until 2003, stock up roughly 300,000% since IPO. * NVIDIA. Still founder led, still prosecuting. * Microsoft. A CEO who acts like a founder, and the innovator’s dilemma refuted. * IBM. Read its most recent quarter for the alternative. The Mag Seven are guiding to somewhere between $700 and $750 billion of CapEx this year because AI shows the greatest category potential ever exhibited. The press covered the cliff and missed the migration. 2. Does the man who built a $10 billion law firm need 5,000 people, or just 20? Kirkland & Ellis became the first law firm in history to cross $10 billion in annual revenue. David Fox, 68, wrote that playbook. He just co-founded Irving, an AI-native firm running in stealth with fewer than 10 lawyers and engineers, already advising on real deals. Kirkland has set aside $500 million for its own AI platform. Reject the premise. Kirkland is going to light that money on fire, because the money is being spent to make thousands of people incrementally more productive inside a structure built for people. When the movie camera arrived, the first thing anyone did with it was point it at a stage play. Movies only happened when someone built entertainment purpose-made for the camera. Most law firms, and most of the S&P 500, are still videotaping the play. Fox is doing the other experiment. Firm with AI at the core, people bolted on. His own question: does he need 5,000 talented people, or 20. All the value sits with the senior partner who has the context and the battle scars, plus the AI-native 20-year-old. The middle layer of associates and managers of managers has value in the old system only, and the old system needs to feed the middle to keep the machine running. Knowledge worker to creator capitalist. Applying existing knowledge is the job AI takes. Creating net new things with AI is the job that survives. Make AI the co-founder of your career. And the billable hour is over. McKinsey is already 25% outcome-based. Nobody cares how long it took. 3. What if doing the right thing paid 12x? Optus Bank, founded 1921, and M&F Bank, founded 1907, just announced a merger creating the largest African American owned financial institution in the country. Ten locations, $1.27 billion in combined assets, a deal worth more than $105 million. Five years ago, right before we wrote about it in Harvard Business Review, M&F traded under $4 a share. It closed near $48. That is a 12x return in a bank most of Wall Street has never heard of, and the merger happened by choice rather than distress. Charitable investing over charitable giving. Giving is a transfer. Investing aligns the incentives, which means it compounds and it repeats. Justice deposits started as corporate treasury cash parked in minority depository institutions. The next level was buying the equity. * Netflix. 2% of global cash holdings, over $100 million. * PayPal. $500 million. * Block, JPMorgan, Bank of America, Wells Fargo, State Street, Moody’s. Deposits and stock. * Costco, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Aflac. In as well. None of them wired that money out of sympathy. They wired it because these are legendary banks run by great operators. CEO James Sills grew the balance sheet, cut non-interest expense, originated SBA loan revenue, and bought back shares. There is a category design question underneath. A Black-owned bank is a specialization built on a highly identifiable superconsumer, and niching down on your super works when you commit to it completely. The free market, not a mandate, is what fixed this one. We’re publishing a mini-book on Charitable Investing this Friday. 3 conversations to have about the news with the Pirate Eddie Bot and Pirate Christopher Bot The bots come with the founding tier and jam 24/7. Their job is to take this week’s moves and run them against your category, not ours. * Find out whether you are milking or prosecuting. Hand the bots your last three budget decisions and ask which future opportunity each one is prosecuting. If the honest answer is that you are defending a position you already hold, you are Alphabet’s critics, not Alphabet. * Ask what you are videotaping. Describe your core delivery model and ask the bots which parts exist only because humans used to do them. Fox found his answer and it was 5,000 people versus 20. * Convert one giving line into an investing line. Bring the bots a cause you already fund and ask them to design the version where the incentives align and the money comes back. M&F went from under $4 to $48 while doing exactly that. The through-line: in all three stories, the people who look reckless are the ones building for the category that is arriving, and the people who look prudent are optimizing a category that is leaving. Not a founding member yet? You can join here. Recorded Friday, July 31. Every number above is as of that morning. Piratey disclaimer: This is NOT financial advice. None of us have a Series 63, Series 7, Series 6, CPAs, CFAs, IUDs, IEDs, and hopefully not IBS (this makes DUDE Wipes sad). Stay tuned for next week’s episode. Arrrrrrr, Category Pirates 🏴‍☠️ Eddie Yoon Christopher Lochhead This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.categorypirates.news/subscribe

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The authority on category design, category creation & creator capitalism. Sharing how legendary entrepreneurs, executives, marketers, and creators design business breakthroughs. By Christopher Lochhead, Eddie Yoon, & Bri Clark www.categorypirates.news

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