Erotic Reclamation

Kari Kinkead & Nicholette Routhier

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Sexuality
Updated weekly

Trauma-informed erotic education centering around: Your desires are not too much. Your body is not broken. Your sex life is not doomed. eroticreclamation.substack.com

4 days ago

Revelations from a Masculine Erotic Reclamation with Dennis Hull

What happens when a man who spent his whole life being the calm, steady, safe one discovers there's a part of himself he's been burying, the part that has desires, that wants to ravish, that doesn’t want to be so careful? In this episode, we sit down with Dennis Hull — former Fortune 50 corporate director, grounding and confidence coach, and tantra practitioner — to talk about the skills necessary for deep intimacy, especially from a masculine perspective: - Being able to take rejection as invitation to look in the mirror, rather than personal criticism - The important distinction between desire and expectation that holds space for possibility and mystery How some men's work teaches strategy and manipulation, rather than authenticity - What surrendering and receiving requires from someone who's wired to give and protect - The ways men judge themselves for having emotions, and how Stoicism has been misunderstood Finally, Dennis shares the moment his suppressed primal energy finally appeared after a lifetime of keeping it locked down, and the counterintuitive path he found to making his primal masculine energy more relational — through his feminine qualities. If you want to learn more about Dennis Hull and his work, you can do so here: Website: dennishull.com Instagram: @itsdennishull Email: dennis@dennishull.com *** The Temple of Yes ~ October, 2026 Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – Meet Dennis Hull: Grounding & confidence coach, voice actor, and tantra practitioner 7:51 – Dennis’s definition of tantra: weaving. It’s about coming back to a sense of wholeness, applying spiritual consciousness to “real life” 11:25 – Relationships are mirrors, and learning to tell the difference between what's yours to own and what isn't 14:04 – Speaking a desire is one thing, but being able to actually receive it when someone says yes is a completely different skill 18:45 – Many men learn to “play the game” of seduction or polarity, when what we need to learn is how to do the dance with authenticity 23:08 – The art of being rejected: understanding it’s an opportunity to reflect, but not a verdict on your worth 27:51 – Desire and expectation are not the same thing — and expectation actually limits what's possible between two people 34:28 – Dennis's erotic reclamation: realizing that the primal, ravenous, powerful part of him wasn’t gone, just buried 42:05 – The counterintuitive path to primal masculine energy: slow down, attune more, and invest in your feminine qualities 49:45 – Sometimes a man just wants to be nurtured, and accepting these different feelings and cravings is part of the process 54:00 – "I cannot help you deal with emotions you keep judging yourself for having" — on feelings, shame, and what stoicism actually means 56:17 – Dennis reads an original poem about desire, connection, and co-creation *** Podcasts to watch next: The Bedroom is the Dojo https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-bedroom-is-the-dojo What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sex The Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
4 Sept

I Was So Afraid of Being Abandoned in Love That I Abandoned Myself First

If you ever feel like you have to contort yourself, mold yourself, people-please or perform to be loved, this one is for you. When we believe love requires this of us, we get really good at compromising ourselves, our needs, our values, and our desires, while prioritizing those of others. But the more you do that, the less of you that you are revealing to your partner. So even when someone is in front of you, wanting to love you, fully choosing you, they can't actually meet you. They can't love you well, because they don’t really know you. They know some masked, performed, contorted version of you. In this solo episode, Nicholette gets honest about the pattern that shaped most of her relationships: self-abandonment disguised as love. She shares how she broke that cycle, what happened when she finally stopped filtering her desires through other people's eyes, and how meeting herself first is what made it possible to build a relationship where she's fully seen, fully known, and fully loved. *** LOVING WITHOUT LOSING YOURSELF https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself If you’re ready to gain the clarity and sovereignty that will help you build the relationship of your dreams, but could use some guidance, sign up for the Loving Without Losing Yourself workshop. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 13th at 11am PT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 2 hours, Nicholette will help you to turn your focus away from What are they going to do? and back toward What is true for me? Through solo journaling and embodiment practices, you’ll: - Identify what nourishes you and what drains you in relationship, sex and intimacy. - Explore what you’re consciously willing to give up, and what costs too much to compromise on.- Touch the fear, shame, anger, loneliness or hurt that can make it difficult to own what you want. - Practice claiming a desire, need or boundary for yourself without dimming it. It’s $49 per person, but you’ll find a 50% discount code at the end of the episode ;). Find all the deets here: https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – The pattern of minimizing your needs out of fear of abandonment. 1:49 – What self-abandonment looks like in relationships (because it can be subtle) 5:21 – Nicholette’s personal story: she had all the relational “skills”, but none of them were helpful because she wasn’t being honest about what she really wanted and needed. 7:14 – If you find it hard to ask for what you want, look at the feelings underneath. 11:03 – Before anyone can meet you, you have to know what "met" even means for you 12:28 – What two people can co-create when neither one is willing to disappear 14:21 – An invitation (and 50% discount!) for the Loving Without Losing Yourself virtual workshop, where you’ll be guided through the process of meeting yourself, so you can be met the way you desire. https://www.nicholetterouthier.com/loving-without-losing-yourself *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
29 Aug

How to Make Your Relationship Feel Fresh and Spontaneous (No Matter How Long You’ve Been Together)

Three problems that seem unrelated but are actually the same thing: your sex life is on repeat, someone's always complaining about what's missing, and when one of you asks for something different, the other spirals. Underneath all three is the same gap: you don't have a way to bring new desires into your relationship that feels safe, clear, and actually brings you closer. In this solo episode, Kari breaks down why these patterns develop, the subtle shifts that unlock stagnated relationship dynamics, and a framework that makes bringing new desires to your relationship feel fun and connective, rather than scary or like criticism. She also makes the case that this framework isn't just for sex: it works for any moment in a relationship where someone wants to bring something new or vulnerable to their partner. *** DATE NIGHT, REIMINAGINED https://www.karikinkead.com/date-night And if you’re intrigued by this framework but still nervous about trying it, sign up for Kari’s workshop: Date Night, Reimagined. (It’s a virtual workshop happening live on September 12th at 7pm CT, but the recording will also be available after.) In 90 minutes, Kari will not just teach you the framework, but guide you through the process of bringing a new desire to your partner and actually experimenting with it. (We’ll be starting with platonic desires, so you can get comfortable with the process before diving into spicier stuff.) It’s only $29 per couple, and $14 if you’re coming solo, because your partner being out of town (or a daydream), doesn’t mean you don’t want to learn the skills for epic intimacy! Find all the deets here: https://www.karikinkead.com/date-night *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 – Three problems in your relationship that are actually the same problem. 1:49 – Why your sex life went on repeat, and the first step to breaking out of the rut. 3:31 – How to turn a complaint into a desire your partner will actually enjoy hearing and can work with. 6:11 – When our partner asking for something different makes us worry we’re not “good enough”, and how to not take new desires personally. 8:02 – The recipe for changing things: new desires are an expectation, not a surprise; you have regularly scheduled convos about new desires; you have a framework for experimenting with new desires. 10:35 – The framework: North Star, shared reality, pre-care, desires, boundaries, aftercare. 17:29 – What the Date Night, Reimagined workshop will be like. 19:05 – This framework isn't just for new intimate desires, it's for anything vulnerable. *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
12 Aug

The Bedroom is the Dojo

Most people treat sex as something that happens in its own lane: a release, a recreation, separate from the rest of life. But actually, intentionally improving your sex life — learning to claim your desires, hear rejection without collapsing, negotiate disagreements, stay present during intensity, and repair after hurt — improves every other aspect of your life. …because working with erotic energy goes straight to the source. It’s the place where most of us carry the deepest wounds, the most baggage, and the least amount of honesty, and therefore have the most to gain: - When you learn to hold high sensation in your body without shutting down, you can show up when your parent is sick, your kid is melting down, the deal is falling apart. - When you learn to clearly name what you want in bed without apologizing for it, you can more directly go after what you want in life. - When you learn to sit with your partner’s “no” without making it mean something about you, rejection stops being sometimes you’re afraid of and controlled by. In this episode, we break down five specific ways that sex and erotic energy build the capacity for you to show up in the rest of your life with courage, sovereignty, integrity, self-worth, and open-heartedness. *** Temple of Yes: Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we're talking about today: five ways improving your sex life makes the rest of your life better 2:14 — Why sex is the perfect “backdoor” into self-development 5:01 — 1) Desire: how letting yourself want what you actually want (and getting specific about it) empowers you to build a more fulfilling life 10:52 — 2) Vulnerability: the delicious way intimacy trains you to hold high sensation in your body and stay heart-connected when things get intense, so you can show up for the moments and people that matter in your life 19:36 — You're already focused and composed at work, what if you could bring that same mastery into your intimate relationship? 21:04 — 3) Negotiation: navigating yes’s, no’s, and conflicting desires in intimacy, relationship, family dynamics, business, etc, while staying connected to your self-worth and your care for the person in front of you 28:46 — 4) Vitality: how sex helps you build a relationship with your own vitality, and clarifies where in the rest of your life giving and receiving aren’t in balance 38:11 — 5) Freedom: learning to find excitement and possibility within limitation, instead of needing to escape your life, your responsibilities, your loved ones to feel alive 43:27 — Sorting for danger vs sorting for possibility: how reps in the bedroom rewire your mental orientation towards life 49:38 — Join us at The Temple of Yes: an immersive weekend to practice all of this with support and direct feedback *** Podcasts to watch next: I Want Something My Partner Doesn’t… Now What? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/i-want-something-my-partner-doesnt When Intimacy Is Frictiony and You’re Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre The Art of Dominance https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/the-art-of-dominance *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
6 Aug

I Want Something My Partner Doesn’t… Now What?

You want something that your partner doesn't. Or maybe they do, but not like that or not right now. Or maybe you don't even know what they think, because you’re convinced they won't like it or won’t agree. And now you're stuck in a gridlock that feels like one or both of you will just have to go along with what the other wants. This episode is about what happens when you stop treating disagreements as a dead end and start treating them as creative potential. We walk through the full process: - how to set up the conversation so it doesn't blow up - how to stay curious about your partner's conflicting feelings - how to find the shared desires underneath the surface disagreements - and finally, how to co-create something neither of you would have imagined alone, which you’re both a “f*ck yes” too We also get into what it was like for the two of us to have a fundamental business conflict, and how with time and vulnerability and compassion, we now feel closer and more trusting than ever. Because the truth is, conflict is one of the deepest intimacy-building experiences a relationship can go through. *** TEMPLE OF YES: Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — You and your partner want different things and you’re feeling stuck. 4:16 — Why this comes up a lot in longterm relationships, and what it takes to show up to the conversation open instead of armed. 6:25 — Step 1: Setting up the conversation. Getting a “yes” to just talk, nervous system regulation for both parties, being unattached to the outcome 12:50 — Letting the conversation itself be a practice and tending of intimacy. 18:54 — Step 2: Opening the conversation. Using the North Star to stay on the same team when it gets hard. 25:36 — How things can go sideways, and ways to break the me vs you dynamic. 27:56 — Step 3: Bringing curiosity to everyone’s desires and boundaries, in order to understand the underlying nourishment each person craves. 31:35 — Why and how to keep the convo going, even if someone is a hard “no” (without trying to coerce them into being a “yes”). 36:17 — Step 4: The process of co-creating a new, shared experience that is service to both of your deeper “yes’s”, while honoring your “no’s”.. 41:27 — Where you can learn and practice this skill in real-time with your partner, or other singles: Temple of Yes (October 2026 in Austin, TX). 42:48 — Don’t skip Step 0: grieve your original fantasy, so you don’t end up accidentally trying to manipulate your partner into going along with what you want. 47:36 — When your partner wants to say “yes” but isn’t fully there, honoring the line between willingness and self-abandonment. 53:42 — How the practice of negotiating desires regularly can transform your relationship on so many levels. 55:54 — Using this process for business negotiations in Erotic Reclamation. 59:02 — Temple of Yes: a space to practice this with support, whether you’re coupled or solo *** Podcasts to listen to next: Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it I Don’t Want to Mess This Up… But I Want More https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/i-dont-want-to-mess-this-up-but-i When Intimacy is Frictiony But You’re Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre Aftercare 101 https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/aftercare-the-antidote-to-feeling *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
22 Jul

Over 60 and More Erotic Than Ever

It’s a big fat cultural lie that women hit a sexual peak in their 20s or 30s and then decline. The reality for many women post-menopause is the opposite: sovereignty, freedom from giving a f*ck, deeper self-knowledge, and a richer relationship with pleasure. In this episode, we sit down with Lisa LaCroix — ommunication and intimacy muse, and competitive ballroom dancer. She embodies “Erotic High Priestess” and makes the case that that is the missing archetype between Mother and Crone, challenging the idea that post-menopausal women are past their prime. Lisa shares freely about what it was like re-entering the dating scene in her 50s and how she reclaimed her eroticism after motherhood. Intriguingly, she also compares the cultural focus on the “orgasm gap” to the 1980s Power Suit. In her opinion, trying to give women more orgasms is just co-opting the male model of sexuality instead of expanding into what feminine pleasure actually is. Finally, we get into what younger women can learn from this conversation right now. So women of all ages are not going to want to miss this episode! Lisa LaCroix's links: - Coaching & workshops: https://www.lisalacroix.com/ - YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Lisa_LaCroix - TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lisa_lacroix - Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabl/ - Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SPUPodcast/ ♥️ Temple of Yes Where trusting yourself creates the intimacy and aliveness you desire. The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — Lisa LaCroix on aging, eroticism, and post-menopausal liberation 2:51 — Lisa’s arc: from homeschooling mother to ballroom dancer at 50 to divorce at 52 8:27 — What Lisa wants women in their late 30s and early 40s to know 10:34 — The four pillars of artful aging: optimization, reinvention, rebranding, and gracious acceptance 16:17 — The freedom of post-menopause: you finally aren’t performing 20:24 — The missing archetype: “Maiden, Mother, and Crone” needs an Erotic High Priestess between 50 and 70 25:58 — Nicholette’s journey of stepping into submission in her mid-40s 28:36 — Unveiling self vs. seeking self: discovering what was always there vs frantically looking for what’s missing 34:02 — What women have lost by only knowing male-bodied sexuality, and what becomes possible when feminine pleasure leads 39:03 — What men don’t know about feminine pleasure 44:06 — More orgasms isn’t the answer to women’s sexual liberation 46:03 — Lisa’s experience at the Temple of Yes, and why permission to want what you actually want is so needed and so rare ♥️ Podcasts to listen to next: What is Energetic Sex? https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-is-energetic-sex Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it What Romantasy Knows About Sex that Most People Don't https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/what-romantasy-knows-about-sex-that ♥️ Enjoying Erotic Reclamation? Leave a 5-star review to help our message spread! ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love ♥️ Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
17 Jul

I Don't Want to Mess This Up… But I Want More

You have a desire you haven’t said out loud. Maybe it’s kinky, maybe it’s opening the relationship, maybe it’s something you read in a book about fae or dragons. Whatever it is, you’re terrified your partner will react badly to hearing your desire, so you sit on it… and sit on it… and sit on it, until either you shrink or explode. In this episode, we are happy to give you a third way! A framework for walking the full path between having a desire and bringing it to your partner. First, we start with YOUR work, because there’s a lot you can do solo to clarify and even enjoy your desire. This includes: letting yourself fully feel it, understanding what’s underneath it, and working through any shame you have about wanting it. Then we get into having the conversation, and how to stay connected with your partner throughout so it doesn’t turn into your vs my desires. Finally, we explore the art of negotiation and co-creation, where you and your partner find a version of your fantasy that lights both of you up. We also get into: * Why the first steps of working with a big desire are solo — not with your partner * The difference between a desire, and the nourishment underneath it * How to claim a desire for yourself without needing to act on it * What to do when shame, fear, or past rejection shows up * How to be curious about your partner’s “no” without crossing into coercion * How to embrace the act of co-creating a new, mutual fantasy with your partner And a gentle reminder before you dive in: desiring more doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you’re human! And with the right safety and trust, we bet your partner wants you to be able to experience and enjoy everything your heart yearns for. *** Temple of Yes: Finally! An erotic retreat that's as safe and consensual as it is adventurous! The application process includes a 30 min call with Kari or Nicholette to make sure the retreat is the right fit for you, and you're the right fit for the retreat. Come ask all your questions and figure out if it's a Yes! https://www.eroticreclamation.com/temple-of-yes *** Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today: when you have a desire that feels too risky to bring to your partner. 5:05 — How desire shows up when you’re trying not to feel it: numbing, scrolling, dampening, “everything’s fine”. 8:45 — What happens when you give yourself permission to want something, even something you’d never actually do. 16:05 — Why your body needs to own the desire before you ever bring it your partner. 19:46 — How to work with desires that potentially feel destructive to your relationship: find the deeper nourishment you’re craving under the fantasy. 22:52 — Process your own shame around your desire first, so you can be with your partner’s honest reaction to your desire without collapsing. 25:00 — What claiming your desire for yourself (without your partner) can look like. 26:39 — Don’t skip the solo work! Urgency and repression are the things that makes desire dangerous, not desire itself. 29:07 — The power and manifesting magic of learning to “steep” in your desire. 33:23 — How to set up the conversation before jumping into “this is what I want right now!” 34:17 — The Weather Report: So you and your partner know where you’re actually at, instead of projecting onto each other! 37:10 — If/when you start to have big feelings, how to reveal what you’re feeling instead of lashing out. 41:07 — The North Star: The guiding light for the conversation so you and your partner remember you’re on the same team. 47:19 — Negotiating the desire: what to do when they say yes, how to stay curious when they say no, and and how to co-create something you’re both a f* yes too. (Check on this podcast for more on this topic.) 51:01 — Remember the “yes, and”! It’ll take you so many hot, unexpected places with your partner. 55:58 — Every year we gather to support people claiming their desires, negotiating their boundaries, and co-creating fantasies! Learn more about Temple of Yes here. *** Podcasts to listen to next: When Intimacy is Frictiony and You're Not Sure Why https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/when-intimacy-is-frictiony-and-youre Desire: Feel It, Name It, Claim It https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/desire-feel-it-name-it-claim-it Aftercare: The Antidote to Feeling Dropped After Sex https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/p/aftercare-the-antidote-to-feeling *** Give this podcast 5 stars to help our message spread! *** Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at sex-positive workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette *** P.S. This episode is also on YouTube! Find it here: https://www.youtube.com/@EroticReclamation This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com
24 Jun

What if There’s Nothing in You to Fix?

Personal improvement is a beautiful goal, but the impulse sometimes comes from a painful place within. It might feel like "I'm broken," or "everyone else has this figured out," or "if I just learn this one more thing, I'll finally feel okay." This becomes perfectionism, people-pleasing, hypervigilance, or the exhausting cycle of self-improvement that never quite makes you feel like you’ve graduated. In this episode, we explore how to recognize this pattern without turning it into another thing to “fix”, and what opens up next. Because once you can see the "I'm broken" story without believing it, it gets easier to share what you’re feeling with your partner. And that honesty — not performing having it all figured out, but admitting to them the real, messy weather of your inner world — is the fertile soil where real intimacy can grow. The brokenness isn't the obstacle to connection, it's the material for it. We also get into: - How "I'm broken" disguises itself as curiosity, growth, and generosity in bed - The difference between moving toward something with curiosity and trying to fix what you think is wrong - How to be aware of a painful story without believing it or fighting it - The weather report: a practical tool for showing up honestly before intimacy - What it looks like to truly accept what is - Why “shared reality”, being on the same page in intimacy, matters more than shared orgasm ♥️ You can also watch this episode as a video! Find it on YouTube at www.youtube.com/@EroticReclamation ♥️ Chapter Timestamps 0:00 — What we’re talking about today: When your body feels “off” and the stories start flooding in 2:06 — The self-improvement trap: when growth is secretly powered by "I'm not enough" 5:44 — How "I should be different" shows up in bed: perfectionism, people-pleasing, performance 9:47 — The exhaustion of always trying to “fix” yourself, and what happens when you finally stop 12:19 — "I'm aware that I think I'm broken": how we can create one degree of distance from our stories 14:26 — The part that feels broken is real, but it's not the whole of you. 18:27 — How trying to fix the thought loop just feeds it 21:35 — A tool for creating intimacy with your partner, no matter what you’re feeling: the weather report 28:09 — The kind of talking that generates intimacy and attraction vs. the kind generates a feeling of being roommates 31:32 — The three steps between “I feel off” and “I'm ready to be close to you” 33:45 — Key ingredient of intimate sex that so many miss: shared reality ♥️ Links: Upcoming programs: https://www.eroticreclamation.com/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/erotic.reclamation/ Substack: https://eroticreclamation.substack.com/ ♥️ Erotic Reclamation is where sex-positive education meets somatic, trauma-informed practice. We're Nicholette Routhier and Kari Kinkead: certified embodiment facilitators, kink priestesses, relationship coaches, and freaky guides for anyone ready to stop hiding their desire and start basking in it. Our approach goes beyond what you’ll typically find at BDSM workshops and play parties. We focus on: - Embodied exploration of claiming your desires, energetic eroticism, power play, conflict repair, and so much more - Meeting shame with tenderness, while reconnecting to your body's erotic intelligence - Trauma-informed containers that prioritize nervous system safety, transparent communication, and full-body “fuck yes” consent and boundaries - Building a healthy, integrated relationship with your sexual cravings and sexual partners - Finding the kind of pleasure your body and soul has been dreaming of, but wasn’t sure really existed… Whether you're curious about how to have better intimacy, navigating a kinky awakening, or wanting to explore even wider realms of pleasure, there's a place for you here. No experience necessary, but all experience welcome. Learn more at www.eroticreclamation.com. With love, Kari & Nicholette This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit eroticreclamation.substack.com

Trauma-informed erotic education centering around: Your desires are not too much. Your body is not broken. Your sex life is not doomed. eroticreclamation.substack.com

Creator

Kari Kinkead & Nicholette Routhier
Years Active

2026
Episodes

21
Rating

Explicit
Copyright

© Kari Kinkead & Nicholette Routhier, Erotic Reclamation
Show Website

Erotic Reclamation

Sexuality

Sexuality

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