Your Kickstarter Sucks Jesse Farrar & Mike Hale

Oh! Hey! Good morning! Afternoon! Evening! Night! I hope you’re having fun listening to the show! That’s annoying, huh? Sorry. I thought it might be kind of cool to start off the episode description with a kind of singsong chant. But you hated it. And now you’re mad. I’ll just have to make it up to you with a cool! Classic! Ep of the show! When will I stop chanting, I bet you’d like to know!!

On this week’s episode of the show we got a way to track your dog’s heart rate, a device that helps you carry six beers (what would you even call that??) and a cock ring. That’s it, really. It’s just a cock ring. And you know what that thing’s all about. But we’re willing to tell you even more. And we don’t chant about it. On an all-new episode of YKS!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium! THIS is where you gotta go at and listen to the, at the — the show that we are the doing to uh show. :-) 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Rocket Money - Well I guess if you had 400,000 mrillion trillion dollars it wouldn’t matter too much to you about saving money. But there’s only a few guys like that. And they are so so busy doing their work that they don’t have time to listen to podcast ads. So this is for the rest of us guys who could save a coupla dollars! Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS. 

Factor - Don’t have FOMO! Fear of Missing Out! Instead, get FOMO - Factor On Mouth Oh! My goodness, that’s what you’ll be saying when you eat these delicious meals. At your door in mere days! Ooo la la! Head to FactorMeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

This is going to be a short description today because the delivery guy came to the house at 6am and startled my dog, who went crazy and woke me up. I didn’t ask for the thing to be here that early but that’s okay. I should know better than to order stuff. Or have a dog or go to sleep or any of that stuff. I look stupid now. And I feel quite stupid as well. But, I do have my item. And I love it.

On this episode we got a nice way to mangle your hands that doesn’t even require your hands to do it, a doorbell so stupid not even I want it, and a mind-reading guy inventing a card game. There’s 3 other ones also, which makes sense if you’ve paid attention to the show at all. Although it is my understanding that many of you use it as a sleep aid, so, nevermind. Wake up asshole it’s a package!!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium – It’s basically what we’re doing every time you knock on the door and we say “Go away! Leave us alone! We’re not doing anything!” Last week we went to a Simpsons pop-up and had a normal amount of fun at it. And who knows what we’ll get up to next! Maybe another kind of pop-up!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Elegance in your palm! Elegance in your palm! We all crave it, and we’d all do anything to have it…but would we spend $28? Perhaps not. On today’s show we answer that question and many others, up to and including, “Laptop in car?” and “Why do they call it oven when you of in the cold food of out hot eat the food”! Plus, JF takes his rightful L. What a pathetic excuse for a man. Let’s light his ass up, by listening to today’s episode!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

Need more of that YKS shit in ya life? I recommend subscribing to YKS Premium! I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t good, and I would absolutely lie to you in a heartbeat, but luckily at this time I don’t have to. The show is just that damn good. Last week we had on the great Howell Dawdy, and even though it seems like between this voicemail and the the premium episode that we are becoming dangerously Howell-obsessed, they were recorded like a month apart so it’s totally normal! Howell shows off some of his collection of freaks, which we love to see, and I daresay we even learn a little along the way. But that’s just Howell’s way. 

Check out Movie Night with Big Howell and our own DB at twitch.tv/bighowelldawdy

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We love our wonderful celebs, don’t we folks! Or, wait, maybe we don’t love them! I don’t know, I’m going to have to check the list. Now I feel like Santy Claus…but it’s only April! Good gravy this is a confusing episode and it’s only the description part. Just wait til you get to the listening part of the show. And when you do, what you’ll hear is a hell of a lot of laughs, some serious personal insults, and a list of women that teenagers on the computer have decided they don’t like. Plus: a Nespresso machine that can shoot out stuff that makes you go to sleep instead (reverse Nespresso), Brandage by Antix, and yet another toilet brush. Just when you think you’ve seen them all. Another toilet brush. Wahoo! 

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - “It’s so good we’re not going to do AI to it!” - Andreessen Horowitz

Okay they didn’t say that…but what if they did?! Well anyway, check out YKS Premium to get even more YKS, which has surely got to interest some of you, statistically speaking. Coming up this month: the return of Howell Dawdy’s beautiful Freak Show, a YKScapades to “Springfield”, a call-in show and more! Only at https://www.patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks!

This week’s episode sponsored by these fine brands: 

Rocket Money - Rocket Money!!! I’m strapped to the outside of the thing and I’m shooting off to Planet Savings!! Sorry for saying that I’m “shooting off”, but that’s how much saving money means to me. Stop wasting money on things you don’t use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to RocketMoney.com/YKS. 

Factor - I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner…I’m eating it in summer, spring, winter! That’s something I’ve been chanting around the house lately, and I have recently been calling it the “Factor Meals Chant”. I take my shirt off and scream it all night! Haha. Head to FactorMeals.com/yks50 and use code yks50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

I like driving my car but I don’t like getting run into by other cars. That’s why I came up with the “please don’t run into me” sign, which you can put in the car or take it with you on the plane or wear around your neck. It’s basically good wherever you don’t want to get hit by stuff. As far as I can tell, no one has come up with this idea before, which probably means I’m good to go. La la la la…ho ho ho…tee hee hee. ← What da HELL!?

On today’s show we got that thing I am kind of talking about up there, plus a thing that makes eating ice cream even easier (can you believe it?), a healthier (?) way to make cold brew, and honestly the grossest, most insane way I’ve ever seen of brushing your teeth. I mean it does everything wrong. I truly don’t get it. Maybe someone will explain it to me. Oh please…someone help me!! I need help!!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Now THIS is the stuff right here. More JF, more DB, more DAN?! Are you kidding me? If that’s a single penny short of $1,000,000 a month it will have been a steal and a deal. Don’t tell me what it costs! I don’t want to know! I just want to take my $1,000,000 and go away somewhere!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Listen up, gang. It’s time to describe the episode. This is basically a way of telling you, the listener, what you might be in for when you download or stream this particular episode of the show. First things first: it starts out with the intro song by the one and only Howell Dawdy. From there [...] Anyway, then we end the show. Another instant classic! Hopefully you enjoyed this description and the podcast itself. Because if not, we’ll probably start freaking out and [...] it’ll be all your fault! Ha ha ha. Happy Easter, gang!

Music for YKS is courtesy of Howell Dawdy, Craig Dickman, Mr. Baloney, and Mark Brendle. Additional research by Zeke Golvin. YKS is edited by Producer Dan. 

YKS Premium - Farrarch has ended and Gaperil begins! Nah nah nah. No theme months for a little bit. So we’re talking classic YKS Premium - What The Funds, Missed the Cuts, YKScapades and more…all in video and all without the guilt of not watching the garbage movie we’re talking about for 2 hours! Only at patreon.com/yourkickstartersucks! We are doing Gapetember though. 

This episode of YKS is sponsored by these fine brands:

Factor - What’s better than one discount? Two discounts! And when the discount is on food you can eat? Forget about it! Well, don’t forget about it…instead, check out Factor, and remember it! Get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box at FactorMeals.com/yks50!

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.