The Virtual Couch Network

•

チャンネル • 6個の番組

メンタルヘルス

メンタルヘルス

アップデート：毎週
メンタルヘルス

メンタルヘルス

アップデート：毎週
メンタルヘルス

メンタルヘルス

アップデート：毎週
メンタルヘルス

メンタルヘルス

アップデート：隔月
メンタルヘルス

メンタルヘルス

アップデート：毎週
事件／犯罪

事件／犯罪

アップデート：毎週

4月30日

It's Not About the Dishes - Trojan Horses Hiding in Every Marriage

The dishwasher fight you've had a thousand times? Or is it about the laundry, where you’re going to eat, making the bed, and cleaning the kitchen? The truth is, it’s never really been about the dishwasher (or laundry, eating, making the bed, etc). Couples therapist Tony Overbay walks through Jack and Jill, a 25-year marriage stuck in a low-grade war over how to load the dishes, and reveals what those endless arguments are actually carrying: a need to be seen, an effort that's gone unregistered, and two adaptive children from two completely different childhood homes still running the show. If you've ever been mid-fight and thought, "How are we doing this again?"—this episode finally names the pattern. In this episode you'll: Recognize the Trojan horse argument—how a fight about tongs, rinse agents, and which rack secretly carries the vulnerable conversation you haven't been able to say out loud Spot the four signs you're stuck in one: repetition without resolution, the running tab of unacknowledged effort, kitchen sinking (John Gottman's term), and the hollow win that doesn't feel like a win See how your adaptive child (Terry Real) brought the rules of your childhood home into your marriage—and why your nervous system can't tell the difference between a predator and your spouse walking in with "that look" Leave the waiting room—where both partners want connection but each waits for the other to move first—through differentiation (David Schnarch), not conditional effort Try three guided exercises—open the horse, flip the ledger, and one unilateral move—designed for one person, no partner participation required Drawing on nearly 20 years of couples therapy, his training in Emotionally Focused Therapy, and his four pillars of a connected conversation, Tony reframes the most exhausting argument in your marriage as a map—not a verdict. You're not broken. You're human. And the argument you keep having is pointing somewhere useful. The Magnetic Marriage course is getting a complete overhaul that builds in everything covered here. Get on the waitlist at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic. Please follow Tony on Instagram @virtual.couch on Tiktok @virtualcouch on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/tonyoverbaylmft and on Substack https://thevirtualcouch.substack.com/ You can reach out to Tony through his website tonyoverbay.com or by emailing contact @ tonyoverbay.com 00:00 Welcome and Setup 01:03 Dishwasher War Story 01:57 How Dishes Become Proxy 04:17 Inside the Dishwasher Debate 07:45 Jack Stops Helping 10:08 Childhood Dish Rules 13:38 Seen and Validated 15:16 Trojan Horse Concept 18:53 Four Trojan Horse Signs 23:26 Not a Relationship Crisis 25:05 Why Vulnerability Feels Dangerous 26:17 Adaptive Child Patterns 30:52 Nervous System Triggers 32:18 Amygdala Hijack Mode 33:44 Learning New Skills 34:55 The Waiting Room Trap 39:46 Conditional Effort Stalemate 42:05 Trojan Horse Reframe 44:27 Differentiation Explained 47:29 Meaning We Assign 51:37 Impermanence and Hope 53:54 Reaching Without Scorekeeping 56:58 Dishwasher Reimagined 01:00:36 Tuesday Night Practice 01:02:44 Closing Encouragement
2月2日

Duty vs. Desire: The Hidden War Inside Your Marriage

Why does your spouse get to want things while you're drowning in responsibility? That resentment you feel watching your partner pursue hobbies while you manage everything isn't petty—it reveals what Tony identifies as one of the "fundamental wounds" in modern marriages: the split between duty and desire. Through the story of Sarah and Michael—a couple weeks from divorce—Tony explores how one partner can become a pure, exhausting obligation while the other escapes into hollow pleasures. Both are starving for what the other has, but neither can see it. You'll discover why the "serpent's trick" convinces us that what we want and what we should do are enemies when they were always meant to work together. In this episode, you'll learn: Why feeling like "a machine that keeps everyone running" signals you've lost connection to your own desires—and why reclaiming them is actually part of your duty as a parent and partner The difference between discipline that crushes your soul and discipline that creates freedom (hint: it depends on whether it's aligned with your actual values or just "socially compliant goals") How asking "what can I do to help?" often puts the mental load right back on your overwhelmed spouse. Why Michael's gaming and biking felt hollow even though Sarah assumed he was "living his best life." The concept of impermanence—and why accepting that your beliefs will evolve is liberating, not threatening Tony Overbay, LMFT, draws from over 20 years of couples therapy and 1,500+ couples to share the exact framework that helped Sarah and Michael move from combat to connection. Ready to stop the cycle? Join the Magnetic Marriage waitlist at tonyoverbay.com/magnetic and learn what you don't know you don't know about reconnecting with your partner. 00:00 Introduction and Host Background 00:35 Common Relationship Challenges 01:53 The Magnetic Marriage Program 02:59 Today's Episode: Overwhelmed by Responsibilities 03:37 Meet Sarah and Michael: A Struggling Couple 03:57 Sarah's Perspective: Duty Over Desire 13:12 Michael's Perspective: Desire Over Duty 17:49 The Core Wound: Duty vs. Desire 21:50 Connecting to Universal Archetypes 28:10 Embracing Change and Growth 28:26 Embracing Impermanence 28:45 Healing Through Change 29:34 The Paradox of Certainty 29:55 Sarah and Michael's Journey 32:20 The Garden of Eden Metaphor 33:07 The Serpent's Trick 34:40 Modern Examples of Duty vs. Desire 38:00 The Role of Discipline 40:42 Integrating Duty and Desire 48:42 Personal Reflections on Duty 49:53 Values vs. Socially Compliant Goals 54:05 Sarah and Michael's Progress 56:24 Conclusion and Call to Action Get on the waitlist today for Tony's upcoming Magnetic Marriage live course! Head to https://tonyoverbay.com/magnetic Contact Tony at contact@tonyoverbay.com to learn more about his Emotional Architects men's group.
2020/08/11

Julie Lee, Author of "I See You" How Compassion and Connection Save Lives

Tony welcomes Julie Lee, author of “I See You” back to The Virtual Couch. Julie talks about the surprising series of events that led to the writing of her book, “I See You” and discussed the challenges of completing the book while the world turned upside down through quarantine and the uncertainty of the pandemic. Julie talks about why interacting with, and truly seeing those around you is so important for not only the mental health of the individual but also for the collective mental health of society. Julie and Tony talk about a touching moment during Julie’s first appearance on the Virtual Couch where they talked about how important it is for people to feel seen and understood before getting to a point where they begin to feel hopeless. Julie’s book is available now on Amazon https://amzn.to/33N957S or you can purchase directly through Julie’s publisher here https://www.cedarfort.com/collections/julie-lee-collection use coupon code PRE15 for 15% off (and I personally purchased the version with the I See You bracelet!). You can also learn more about Julie including her podcast, I See You at http://julieleespeaks.com - Tony’s new website is live! Please go to http://tonyoverbay.com now and sign up for the newsletter to be the first to hear of his upcoming Magnet Marriage course! - Tony's FREE parenting course, “Tips For Parenting Positively Even In the Not So Positive Times” is available NOW. Just go to http://tonyoverbay.com/courses/ and sign up today. This course will help you understand why it can be so difficult to communicate with and understand your children. You’ll learn how to keep your buttons hidden, how to genuinely give praise that will truly build inner wealth in your child, teen, or even in your adult children, and you’ll learn how to move from being “the punisher” to being someone your children will want to go to when they need help. And Tony is so confident that this program will work, that he's offering a money-back guarantee! - This episode of The Virtual Couch is sponsored by Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch With the continuing “sheltering” rules that are spreading across the country PLEASE do not think that you can’t continue or begin therapy now. Betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your own mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. - Tony's new best selling book "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" is now available on Kindle. https://amzn.to/38mauBo - Tony Overbay, is the co-author of "He's a Porn Addict...Now What? An Expert and a Former Addict Answer Your Questions" now available on Amazon https://amzn.to/33fk0U4. The book debuted in the number 1 spot in the Sexual Health Recovery category and remains there as the time of this record. The book has received numerous positive reviews from professionals in the mental health and recovery fields. -- You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program The Path Back by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs, and podcasts.
2023/02/06

Does Honesty really matter?

Marla and Nate discuss the Sam Harris book "Lying". Additionally, they talk about some reasons people lie and what reasons that may encourage people to be honest.
2023/09/08

Choosing to Stay: A Candid Conversation on Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

In this episode, Mackie and Tony kick off with some lively attempts at beatboxing and whistling before delving into a vital conversation about mental health and suicide prevention. Mackie openly shares her journey dealing with depression and anxiety from a young age, emphasizing the significance of vulnerability. They discuss suicide statistics and survivor stories, highlighting the power of raising awareness and open dialogues around mental health. The episode concludes with Mackie expressing gratitude for her mental health journey, reminding listeners to persevere through life's challenges, find joy in small moments during tough times, and embrace humor as a coping mechanism. They introduce the concept of emotional baseline theory to navigate dark moments, underlining the normality of occasional anxiety and depression and offering tools like mindfulness and connecting with loved ones for coping. The episode also addresses unwanted thoughts, emphasizing the value of acknowledging them without letting them define one's life. It closes encouragingly, urging listeners to choose life, hold onto hope, and embrace love; all wrapped up with a lighthearted exchange of jokes. Tony mentioned a recent Virtual Couch episode where Mackie was the guest, and they talked about parenting adult children. Here's a link to that episode https://blubrry.com/the_virtual_couch/111792065/embracing-change-discomfort-and-connection-in-parenting-wmackie-overbay/
2023/11/23

Nice People Have Boundaries, Too!

In this episode, hosts Mackie and Tony engage in a deep exploration of the significance of boundaries within relationships. Their conversation intricately weaves personal experiences with psychological insights, unveiling the pivotal role that boundaries play in fostering healthy interactions. They candidly address the struggle in setting boundaries, discussing the tendency to prioritize others' needs over one's own—a pattern known as the 'nice guy/girl syndrome'. Amidst this, they highlight the crucial distinction between healthy boundaries and controlling ultimatums, emphasizing the necessity for emotional stability in maintaining these limits. Moving beyond individual relationships, Mackie and Tony extend their discourse to familial dynamics, acknowledging the complexity and emotional weight associated with setting boundaries, especially in parent-child relationships. Throughout the episode, the hosts advocate for self-respect and empowerment, encouraging listeners to assert their needs confidently without fear of conflict or judgment. Their insightful discussion serves as a guiding compass, navigating the intricacies of interpersonal connections and highlighting the importance of establishing and respecting boundaries in various spheres of life.
2023/10/20

The Blues Have Clues: Learning from Depression

In this reaction-based episode, Mackie and Tony delve into the intricate subject of depression, exploring its potential utility. They navigate the landscape of depression, discussing its various types and pondering whether the specific type holds significance. This candid conversation ventures into the depths of what it feels like to be in the midst of a depressive episode and on the other side. Medication is discussed as a potential tool, often boosting one's emotional baseline. Mackie and Tony highlight a crucial point – medication alone isn't the complete solution. They emphasize the importance of pairing medication with mindfulness practices, therapeutic support, and other tools to help individuals confront and manage their depression. It discusses how some of the most creative, beautiful, and unique individuals have navigated through their own personal hells, ultimately emerging into the light and experiencing everything in between. The conversation encourages embracing the entirety of life, both its good and challenging parts, allowing them to coexist harmoniously. This episode truly encapsulated the multifaceted nature of depression and how, when approached with a comprehensive toolkit, it can offer the potential for personal growth, insight, and transformation. The heartfelt and honest dialogue resonates with those seeking understanding and hope in the face of these complex and often stigmatized feelings.
2023/12/02

Defining Okayness: The Power of Personal Autonomy

In this episode of The Mind, the Mirror and Me Podcast, Mackie and Tony navigate through topics such as understanding personal limits and preferences and the importance of self-validation. They delve into personal autonomy, emphasizing the individuals' right to make choices that align with their values and desires. The conversation also touches on friendships, the expected and unexpected life changes, and how the concept of 'it's as okay as you say it is' applies to various aspects of life, from career decisions to relationships. They also discuss the significance of acknowledging that everyone's life experiences, values, and boundaries differ, making it crucial for individuals to assert their own sense of what's right for them. 00:07 Introduction and Casual Banter 00:42 Discussing Thanksgiving and Birthdays 01:24 Podcasting and Collaborations 03:20 The Concept of Friendship in Adulthood 16:23 Exploring Personal Autonomy 17:54 The Power of Individual Agency 19:20 Understanding Personal Issues and Boundaries 20:09 Career Choices and Personal Decisions 20:52 The Power of Personal Permission 23:38 Navigating Uncharted Territory 30:03 Understanding Personal Limits and Preferences 33:54 The Power of Self Validation 38:15 Conclusion: Trusting Yourself and Embracing Change
2022/09/02

What is trust and can I trust again after feeling betrayed?

Marla and Nate discuss the human need to trust. Why are people wired to trust and can we improve our ability to trust. They also discuss the components of trust and how we can improve our own trustworthiness so that people close to us will feel more trust towards us.
2021/11/17

Why Opposites Don't Attract PLUS Tony's New Parenting Course is Part of Nate Bagley's Relationship Mastery Pack!

Tony shares why opposites don't attract in the long run and why ultimately we like people who are more similar to us. PLUS Nate Bagley, relationship researcher and host of the Growth Marriage podcast, comes on to talk about his incredible Relationship Mastery Pack https://www.epicmarriageclub.com/a/2147499720/h3Cn8yaE Get thousands of dollars in relationship tools for one special Black Friday price featuring Tony's brand new parenting course: 3 Keys to Positive Parenting - Bring the Positivity without Messing Up Your Kids Even if You're Not Sure Where to Start! Go to https://www.epicmarriageclub.com/a/2147499720/h3Cn8yaE to sign up for thousands of dollars worth of relationship tools for less than the cost of one therapy session. In today's episode, Tony refers to the article "Do Opposites Really Attract?" by Clifford Lazarus Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/think-well/201907/do-opposites-really-attract and "Why Do We Like People Who Are Similar to Us?" by Gwendolyn Seidman Ph.D. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/close-encounters/201812/why-do-we-people-who-are-similar-us With the continuing "sheltering" rules spreading across the country, PLEASE do not think you can't continue or begin therapy now. http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch can put you quickly in touch with licensed mental health professionals who can meet through text, email, or videoconference often as soon as 24-48 hours. And if you use the link http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch, you will receive 10% off your first month of services. Please make your mental health a priority, http://betterhelp.com/virtualcouch offers affordable counseling, and they even have sliding scale options if your budget is tight. You can learn more about Tony's pornography recovery program, The Path Back, by visiting http://pathbackrecovery.com And visit http://tonyoverbay.com and sign up to receive updates on upcoming programs and podcasts. Tony mentioned a product that he used to take out all of the "uh's" and "um's" that, in his words, "must be created by wizards and magic!" because it's that good! To learn more about Descript, click here https://descript.com?lmref=v95myQ

Based on the overwhelming amount of feedback from the "Waking Up to Narcissism" podcast, particularly in the form of questions, Tony Overbay, a licensed marriage and family therapist, answers listener questions specifically related to narcissism, narcissistic traits and tendencies, and emotional immaturity in relationships. A percentage of the proceeds of the podcast will go toward helping people in narcissistic or severe emotionally immature relationships receive help in the form of counseling, legal and moving costs, and providing additional tools to help people rediscover their self-worth, and learn how to successfully find their voice, their sense of purpose and understand that everybody has the right to their own opinion, experience and goals out of life.

0.0（0）

メンタルヘルス

The Virtual Couch Podcast Network is home to various mental and self-help podcasts, including the award-winning "The Virtual Couch" podcast, hosted by licensed marriage and family therapist Tony Overbay. The network is also home to Tony's latest podcast "Love, ADHD" with co-host, speaker, and author Julie Lee, and "Murder on the Couch," where true crime and therapy meet, co-hosted with Sydney Overbay, the "Mind, the Mirror and Me" co-hosted by Mackie Overbay, "Waking up to Narcissism," "Waking Up to Narcissism Q&A" a premium podcast and "Working Change" a podcast focusing on general mental health topics and overall wellness hosted by Nate Christensen, APCC and his wife Marla, currently in grad school studying to become a therapist.

Webサイト

連絡先（Virtual Couch LLC）

The Virtual Couch Network

Get exclusive episodes, early access, and more

トップ番組

It's Not About the Dishes - Trojan Horses Hiding in Every Marriage

Duty vs. Desire: The Hidden War Inside Your Marriage

Julie Lee, Author of "I See You" How Compassion and Connection Save Lives

Does Honesty really matter?

Choosing to Stay: A Candid Conversation on Mental Health & Suicide Prevention

Nice People Have Boundaries, Too!

The Blues Have Clues: Learning from Depression

Defining Okayness: The Power of Personal Autonomy

What is trust and can I trust again after feeling betrayed?

Why Opposites Don't Attract PLUS Tony's New Parenting Course is Part of Nate Bagley's Relationship Mastery Pack!

Get exclusive episodes, early access, and more

Talking to the Kids - Validation vs Throwing Your Narcissistic Partner Under the Bus

Narrative Navigations: From Rumors to Real Talk

Information Overload, The Tale of Two Narcissists and "Narcissism or Legitimate Communication Problem?"

Boundary Setting and Much Ado About Nothing Much (aka Kids Spill Things)

Gaslight, Golden Child, and Growth: Understanding Narcissism vs Emotional Immaturity

Nature or Nurture - The Origin Story of the Narcissist

Does Narcissism Get Worse Over Time, How to Communicate, and the Possibility for Change!

Confabulation Nation: Where Your Mind Makes It Up As It Goes

Ego-lution: Navigating Emotional Maturity on the Path to Self-Respect

番組について

The Virtual Couch Network

Get exclusive episodes, early access, and more

トップ番組

トップエピソード

Waking Up Narcissism QA

Get exclusive episodes, early access, and more

Waking Up Narcissism QAのトップエピソード

番組について