#audioCALM Scott C Docherty

In this #videoCALM interview, mediator Scott Docherty chats with Carol Hope of hopemediation.co.uk. Carol has practiced and developed mediation for decades and been instrumental in bringing peer mediation and conflict resolution skills to young people & families throughout Scotland. In the interview Carol talks about the benefits to young people of involving them in the mediation process, and tackles some of the big questions this might raise for separating parents working through their issues. She explains in very simple terms what the process will look like for kids and parents within a child-inclusive mediation, including the kind of safeguards necessary to make sure it's not abused by the parents and that the kids involved will feel genuinely listened to. Flowing from this idea of helping young people through their parents' conflict, Carol goes on to explain how peer mediation can blood children early on in school with problem solving, conflict resolution skills they can then take with them throughout life, and why such a vital knowledge and approach to conflict might benefit from forming part of the mainstream system of education in Scotland. Please excuse the one swear word near the end - it is, after all, a direct quote from a child!...

Lisa pioneered mediation in the UK and Europe, having set up the first mediation service here in 1978 and then the Family Mediators Association. Her work in developing mediation is pretty unparalleled, and continues particularly in the area of child-inclusive mediation and as chair of the Advisory Board of the Voices in the Middle campaign. This interview takes us through this amazing work, and touches on how mediation has changed over the years to become a service capable of adapting around the needs and backgrounds of those separating, increasing the chances of a successful long-term resolution for those taking part. She talks also about how the system of information meetings in family actions in England & Wales might be improved on were Scotland to introduce them, and delves into fascinating detail about how child-inclusive mediation and the Voices in the Middle charity might help provide a better voice for children in separation. It was a true privilege to have Lisa talk mediation with us, and although the interview is pretty long, given how knowledgeable and inspirational she is on the subject, perhaps you'll feel as we do that if only it could've went on for longer!

In this interview our Scott Docherty talks with Sue Atkins, parenting expert and coach, best-selling author of Parenting Made Easy and a huge amount of similar resources, and regular on ITV's "This Morning" show as well as on Sky and BBC Radio. Sue talks passionately about parenting apart and talking to your kids after separation. Her down-to-earth, common sense advice will strike right at the heart of what you may be going through right now in your separation, coming as it does from her deep well of experience and training. The important point she asks you to think carefully about is that your best chance of getting through everything in a time of stress and turmoil, including working out how to communicate with your children and your ex-partner or spouse, is to start looking after yourself. Although the advice and the shoulder to cry on provided by family and friends can be vital, Sue asks you to think about some coaching even if that's online - and shake off that image you might have that it's only celebrities who instruct life coaches, because getting emotional and practical help from a professional who knows what you're going through and can look more objectively at how you can pull through it, could very well leave you with the peace you've been striving for.

This immensely practical interview features Bill Eddy, President of the innovative High Conflict Institute in San Diego and pioneer of simple techniques to reduce conflict in, amongst other things, separation. During the discussion Bill whips out his second brain to explain what's going on internally when we act or react in conflict, and tells us some amazing tricks to switch high conflict people into problem-solving mode in only a few seconds. Applying his methods in and around mediation sessions could have a powerful effect on its chances of success, and we would highly recommend those separating as well as professionals in mediation or litigation to take note. We could have talked for hours on end with Bill on this subject but, quite miraculously, have managed to condense a great deal of his outstanding work into just over 40 minutes! Bill takes us through some of the cutting-edge developments he has introduced across the pond, including the BIFF Response method and the life-changing New Ways For Families project that's gradually but systematically changing the face of family conflict resolution in California. The online model of NW4F is now extending this revolution across the globe, so in separation you can now access this wonderful resource no matter where you live. Enjoy this little interview, therefore, and start thinking about learning some new skills in handling your conflict before making the big decisions after separation.

Our Scott Docherty talks with Karen Bonnell of Coach Mediate Consult, Seattle, author of the hugely practical and inspirational Co-Parents' and Parenting Plan Handbooks. In this interview, Karen talks about what a parenting plan is, what it can cover in your separation or divorce, the challenges that might get in the way of creating a plan, and most vitally how those challenges can be overcome. One of the quotes in Karen's wonderful books is by her co-author Kristin Little, that "learning to co-operate with your children's other parent doesn't always mean agreement; it doesn't always means you have good feelings towards that other parent. It means that your love and care for your child is stronger than your anger and sadness, and your desire for peace is greater than your desire to be 'right'." Watching and listening to Karen on this subject may well hit home that point for you, and help you find a fresh perspective in your transition beyond separation.

This interview features Alan Susskind of Harper Macleod, Glasgow. Alan talks about choosing the right dispute resolution process when you separate and approach a family lawyer. He explains the various options your lawyer should lay out for you in working out what type of process might lend itself to resolving your issues, whether that may be negotiation, mediation, collaborative law, arbitration, or litigation. Breaking those options down, Alan takes some time to explain the different approaches you can take to resolve those issues with your ex-partner or spouse, and how important it is to find the path most appropriate for you and, if you have any, for your children. He considers also why mediation and collaborative law might not have kicked off in Scotland as much as perhaps they could have in recent years, and ends with a very informative key message for those of you who are thinking of making an appointment with a family lawyer.