Playing With Fire

Joli Hamilton
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Welcome to Playing With Fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom-build their love. We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity. Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

  1. 223 Recovering From Purity Culture with Lauren Elise Barnes

    5 DAYS AGO

    223 Recovering From Purity Culture with Lauren Elise Barnes

    Purity culture can often shape our sexuality in ways we don't even realize. Whether you grew up deeply immersed in it or just caught the edges, cultural messages about sexual "purity" impact how we view ourselves, our bodies, and our relationships. But what happens when we start questioning these teachings? How do we reclaim our sexuality and pleasure after being told our bodies belong to someone else? Lauren Elise Rogers joins us to share her powerful journey from purity culture survivor to certified holistic sexuality educator. Her story of transformation—from wearing a purity ring and teaching "Ladies in Waiting" Bible studies to becoming an embodied intimacy coach—shows us that liberation is possible, even after deep indoctrination. In this episode, we talk about: — What purity culture actually is and how it manifests — The subtle ways purity culture shows up even for those who weren't raised in religious households — Lauren's personal experience with purity culture, including her first marriage to a man who later came out as gay — How pleasure became the pathway to Lauren's deconstruction and healing — The challenges of exploring sexuality after leaving purity culture behind — The resurgence of purity culture concepts in modern movements like "trad wife" culture and certain wellness spaces — A powerful exercise for examining your own beliefs about sex, relationships, and pleasure — How questioning our inherited beliefs about sexuality can lead to greater authenticity and joy Resources mentioned in this episode: — Lauren's website — The documentary Give Me Sex, Jesus — Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson — The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine A. Liszt JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    51 min
  2. 222 The Greater the Tension, the Greater the Potential: Individuating in Relationships

    20 SEPT

    222 The Greater the Tension, the Greater the Potential: Individuating in Relationships

    Have you ever felt totally torn between two seemingly incompatible desires? Like part of you wants the freedom of non-monogamy while another part longs for that "one and only" Disney story? You're not alone, and this inner conflict isn't something to rush past—it might actually be your greatest opportunity for growth. In this episode, we’re exploring the Jungian concept of "the tension of opposites" and how it applies to non-monogamy. Rather than seeing these inner conflicts as problems to solve, we explore how bearing this tension can lead to unexpected breakthroughs and deeper self-understanding. This isn't just theoretical—we share practical, creative ways to work with these tensions that go beyond simply "sitting with" uncomfortable feelings. We’re breaking down: — What the "tension of opposites" means and why it's particularly relevant during the paradigm shift to non-monogamy — Why rushing to resolve inner conflicts can actually prevent deeper transformation from occurring — The physical sensations that often accompany inner conflict — How bearing the tension of opposites creates space for the "transcendent function"—a third option we couldn't previously imagine — Why paradigm shifts take years and require us to be comfortable in the "gooey" transformational phase — Creative practices for working with opposing forces — How to ask partners and friends to witness your process without trying to "fix" your conflicts — The value of paying attention to dreams and symbols that emerge during periods of inner tension — Finding balance between bearing tension and making necessary decisions when the time comes Resources mentioned in this episode: — Jung's Collected Works, Volume 13 — Marie-Louise von Franz’s Archetypal Dimensions of the Psyche — The expansive love playlist JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    43 min
  3. 221 The Art of Reassurance: Relating Through Doubt and Fear

    13 SEPT

    221 The Art of Reassurance: Relating Through Doubt and Fear

    When we're feeling insecure in our relationships (especially during transitions like opening up, navigating new relationship dynamics, or major life changes), we often seek reassurance from our partners. But what does effective reassurance actually look like? How can we offer it authentically without trying to "fix" our partners' feelings? And how do we navigate the complex interplay between reassurance, reciprocity, and fairness? Reassurance in relationships isn't a one-size-fits-all solution. It's an ongoing practice that requires attunement, flexibility, and a deep understanding of your partner's unique needs. In this episode, we talk about: — What reassurance really means: actions, words, and engagement that serve to ease someone's doubts and fears (without guaranteeing those fears will disappear) — Why reassurance needs change based on context, trauma history, and how "full" your threat bucket already is — The essential ingredients for effective reassurance — Why the desire to make everything "fair" in relationships often comes from our wounded parts seeking safety and control — How to ask for specific reassurance: "Can you wrap your arms around me right here and tell me these exact words?" — The challenge of offering reassurance when it conflicts with your values or agreements (like canceling dates with others) — Why some people resist offering ongoing reassurance and what that might mean for the relationship — The possibility of reimagining relationship structures when reassurance needs aren't being met — How our "child parts" often drive our reassurance needs, and why acknowledging this can help us make more aligned requests — The difference between true reciprocity and transactional "fairness" Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Imago Dialogue episode — Imago Dialogue examples — Robin Wall Kimmerer's book Braiding Sweetgrass JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    37 min
  4. 220 How to Finally Hear Each Other: Low vs. High Context Communication

    6 SEPT

    220 How to Finally Hear Each Other: Low vs. High Context Communication

    Communication is the foundation of all relationships. But what happens when we're speaking different languages without even realizing it? Often the result is confusion, frustration, and feeling misunderstood. Enter, the fascinating world of high context and low context communication styles. This framework can transform how you understand relationship patterns and help you traverse the complex terrain of negotiated relationships. In this episode, we talk about: — The difference between high context communication (relying on implicit messages, non-verbal cues, and shared knowledge) and low context communication (explicit, direct statements with less room for interpretation) — Why these aren't fixed personality traits but rather strategies we can learn and adapt — How our upbringing shapes our communication preferences (Joli was raised in a low context household but developed high context skills for safety, while Ken was raised in high context but never felt he mastered it) — The healing that can happen when partners understand and adapt to each other's communication needs — Why opening up relationships often requires a shift toward more explicit communication as the context changes — How to navigate the frustration that can arise when communication styles clash (like during special events or anniversaries) — The importance of having meta-conversations about how you communicate when you're in a "cool state," not in the middle of conflict — Why communication patterns aren't static—they evolve over time as relationships deepen and partners learn each other's cues — The safety component of communication styles and how different approaches can make people feel secure or insecure — Why neither style is inherently better—both have their place in healthy relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Edward Hall's anthropological theory on high context and low context communication JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    31 min
  5. 219 A Patient Path into Non-Monogamy with Laura & Bill

    30 AUG

    219 A Patient Path into Non-Monogamy with Laura & Bill

    Many of us hear stories about couples who dive headfirst into non-monogamy without preparation (what I call the "jumping out of the airplane without a parachute" approach). But after 33 years of marriage, Bill and Laura decided to explore non-monogamy through a gradual, education-centered path. They’re joining us to share their experience with this slow and steady approach, which demonstrates the value of taking time to learn, process, and grow together before making significant changes to your relationship structure. Their journey shows us that opening a relationship doesn't have to be impulsive or chaotic—it can be thoughtful, intentional, and deeply rewarding at any stage of life. In this episode, we talk about: — How becoming empty nesters created space for Bill and Laura to explore "something more expansive" in their relationship — The importance of unlearning social conditioning and stepping off the "relationship escalator" (the traditional path of falling in love, getting married, having kids, and then... what?) — Why the process of "unenmeshing" from each other was crucial to their journey and how they practiced it in everyday ways — The challenge of moving from theoretical knowledge to real-world experiences when Bill spontaneously met someone "in the wild" — How they navigated their first big emotional hurdle when Laura had a "freak out" and Bill initially tried to fix it by stopping what he was doing — The rejuvenating effect that opening up has had on their relationship in their 50s, challenging the notion that non-monogamy is "just for young people" — The value of taking things slowly and allowing each person to move at their own pace — How they've become more individuated while maintaining a deep connection with each other — The ongoing process of working with difficult emotions like jealousy and envy rather than expecting them to disappear — Why connecting with community and seeing others model different relationship styles was crucial to their growth JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    55 min
  6. 218 What will opening up do to us?

    23 AUG

    218 What will opening up do to us?

    When couples consider opening their relationships, one of the most common questions that comes up is: "What will happen to us?" This fear makes perfect sense—you've built something special together, and the prospect of change can feel threatening to the relationship you've carefully cultivated. This question comes from a place of caring deeply about your connection, but it also reveals something important about how we conceptualize relationships in our culture. Many of us have been taught that relationships should involve a certain level of enmeshment, where "we" becomes more important than the individual "I" and "you." Opening up invites us to examine this balance between togetherness and individuality in ways we might never have considered before. It's not just about adding new partners—it's about discovering parts of ourselves and our existing relationships that have been hidden beneath the surface. In this episode, we talk about: — The difference between healthy interconnection and unhealthy enmeshment in relationships — Why differentiation (understanding where you end and your partner begins) is crucial for successful open relationships — How the "matchy-matchy" game many couples play can mask important differences between partners — The ways opening up can reveal unexamined patterns, biases, and wounds in existing relationships — Why it takes 3-5 years to fully adjust to the paradigm shift of non-monogamy — How new relationships can illuminate both old wounds you've experienced and ways you may have hurt your partner — The unexpected positive surprises that can emerge when opening up (like increased sexual energy!) — Why the unpredictability of opening up can be both challenging and rewarding — How justice jealousy can emerge when you see your partner relating differently with someone new — The opportunity for deep relationship repair that opening up can provide — Why friendships can be excellent practice for developing the skills needed in open relationships Resources mentioned in this episode: — Jessica Fern's concept of Justice Jealousy — Dan Siegel's work on interconnection as a healthy alternative to enmeshment — Imago Dialogue — Rainer Maria Rilke's Letters to a Young Poet JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    44 min
  7. 217 Jealous right now? Listen to this.

    16 AUG

    217 Jealous right now? Listen to this.

    Jealousy can feel overwhelming, urgent, and all-consuming. It can make us want to act immediately—to confront, to check locations, to curl up and hide, or even to rage. But what if instead of rushing to "fix" the situation, we first learned to stay present with ourselves through the storm? This episode is designed for you to use in real time, in the moments that jealousy hits. We’re offering a guided meditation and practical tips for those times when jealousy feels too big to handle. In this episode, we talk about: — How to recognize jealousy in your body and stay present with the physical sensations — The importance of naming your feelings without trying to explain or fix them — Why the urge to take immediate action during jealousy is often counterproductive — How to practice self-compassion when jealousy feels overwhelming — Reconnecting with your values and remembering why you chose your relationship style — The power of bilateral tapping and other nervous system regulation techniques — Why jealousy doesn't mean you're "doing relationships wrong" — How to choose one small, kind step to care for yourself when jealousy is present — The importance of not outsourcing your worth to someone else's actions Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Jealousy Resource Center — The Befriending Jealousy Workshop JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    15 min
  8. 216 Helping Your Partner Through an Intense Moment of Jealousy

    9 AUG

    216 Helping Your Partner Through an Intense Moment of Jealousy

    Jealousy happens—even to this jealousy expert! But when your partner is experiencing jealousy, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. Without the right tools, it can quickly spiral into disconnection, shame, or control dynamics that damage the relationship. But is it possible to respond without abandoning yourself or falling into problematic patterns? The truth is, you can help your partner through a moment of jealousy–as long as you have the right tools. And in this episode, we’re giving them to you. We’re breaking down: — Why we need to normalize feeling jealousy rather than stigmatizing it — The difference between jealousy, envy, and insecurity (they're not the same!) — How to recognize your habitual responses when your partner experiences jealousy — The importance of regulating yourself first before responding to your partner's jealousy — Practical ways to signal safety without taking responsibility for your partner's emotions — Why shame and defensiveness create disconnection during jealous moments — The power of reflective empathy and how to practice it effectively — Why asking your partner to feel compersion instead of jealousy is counterproductive — How to recognize when jealousy becomes an unconscious control mechanism in relationships — The four steps of the Jealousy Roadmap — Why these challenging moments can actually build intimacy when handled with care Resources mentioned in this episode: — The Befriending Jealousy Workshop — Joli’s interview on Girl Boner Radio JOIN The Year Of Opening® community for a full year of learning & support. Registration is open now at ⁠⁠www.TheYearOfOpening.com⁠⁠ Learn the 5 secrets to open your relationship the smart way Are you ready to open your relationship happily? Find out at www.JoliQuiz.com Get the answers you want to create the open relationship of your dreams! Sign up for an Ask Me Anything here Music: Dance of Felt by ⁠Blue Dot Sessions

    44 min
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About

Welcome to Playing With Fire, the podcast for people who are ready to custom-build their love. We’re talking about non-monogamy–however you design it–as an individuation opportunity. Want to leave the default and make your life spectacularly you? You’re in the right place.

Information

  • Creator
    Joli Hamilton
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2025
  • Episodes
    222
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Joli Hamilton
  • Show Website
    Playing With Fire

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