3am Thoughts

Annique Tate
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From Toilet Panic to 3AM Peace: One Woman's Journey Through IBD, Fertility, and Finding Hope in the Dark Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down... but it's not the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It's the raw, unfiltered truth about trying to become a mother at 40+ while battling IBD, premature ovarian failure, and a medical system that wasn't designed for women like me. This is where I share what really happens when your bowels, your fertility, and your dreams collide. From panic attacks in public toilets to navigating donor eggs, from being dismissed as "too old" to holding my miracle baby at 3am - this is my story, filter-free. What you'll hear: Honest conversations about IBD and fertility (including the farting - because fart loud, fart proud!)What fertility clinics don't tell you about reproductive healthThe emotional reality of premature ovarian failure and donor eggsMedical advocacy and learning to trust yourself over "experts"Hope, tears, and finding peace when everything feels hopelessGuest stories from others on similar journeys This podcast is for: Women struggling with fertility who feel alone despite being surrounded by support. Anyone navigating chronic illness while trying to conceive. People facing age-related prejudice in their fertility journey. Anyone who needs permission to be messy, angry, hopeful, and real about becoming a parent. What makes this different: No filters. No polish. No Instagram-perfect motherhood. Just real stories from the messy middle, the parts nobody talks about but everyone experiences. This isn't medical advice. I'm not a doctor. I'm just someone who's been through it and wants you to know you're not alone in the dark. New episodes: Weekly Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

Episodes

  1. 19 DEC

    Chapter Eight - The Question that Breaks You

    March 2020. The fertility consultant said "menopause" and refused treatment. COVID locked us down in Italy. I was dismissed everywhere I turned because I was over 40. And then I had to face the question that shatters every woman on this fertility journey: What am I willing to do to have a child? Donor eggs? Would I bond with them? Would they love me? Adoption? Should Marco find someone easier? How far do I push before I accept defeat? This is about the questions we ask ourselves alone, usually crying, that nobody prepares you for. In this episode: 😢 The paralysis after being told "no further treatment" 💪 What boundless hope, relentless tenacity, and rock-hard resilience really mean 📧 My desperate emails to Jessica: "I'm grasping at straws" 🔒 COVID lockdown taking away my coping mechanism (running) 🩺 Understanding that fertility clinic doctors aren't fertility specialists 👵 Facing age-related prejudice from medical professionals at 40+ 💔 The question that reduced me to pieces: What am I willing to do? 🤱 The donor egg torment: Would I love them? Would they love me? 👶 The adoption question: Should Marco find someone easier? 😭 Breaking down on a bench, unable to pretend to be normal 💍 Offering Marco a way out (and why my friend told me off) ❤️ Marco's answer that changed everything The brutal truth? This journey requires you to ask yourself impossible questions with no right answers, while everyone tells you you're too old to keep trying. 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/12/chapter-seven-the-long-road-down/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: The Long Road Down https://youtu.be/RBRLlPZgsH0 ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Follicles, Ovulation and the Straw 🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/ZhZ4TDsj9Lk 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you faced the "What am I willing to do?" question on your fertility journey? Have you considered donor eggs or adoption? What emotions came up? Have you been dismissed by doctors because of your age? Have you offered your partner a way out because you felt like a burden? How do you pick yourself up when hope dissolves? What does "advanced maternal age" mean to you? This is a safe space. Share your story in the comments. You're not alone in these questions. ⚠️ CONTENT WARNING: This episode discusses the deep emotional trauma of fertility struggles, age-related medical prejudice, difficult decisions about donor eggs and adoption, relationship strain, offering your partner a way out, mental health impacts of repeated dismissal, and the isolation of facing impossible questions. Please take care while watching. WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 9: A Zoom consultation with the UK fertility clinic The journey back to the UK during a pandemic A scan that shows something unexpected "Your beautifully healthy reproductive system" Follicles, perfect timing, and my anger when it still doesn't work Another scan with different results Progesterone tablets The straw that broke the camel's back KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER: 😭 The first time I was truly paralyzed and silenced 📧 "I'm grasping at straws... Sorry to bother you" 🔒 COVID lockdown: "There were a lot of people walking stuffed dogs" 😤 "Everywhere I turned, I was dismissed because I was over 40" 💡 "Fertility clinic doctors aren't fertility specialists – they're specialists in getting you pregnant" 💔 "What am I willing and happy to do to have a child?" 🤱 "Would I bond with them? Would they love me the same?" 👶 "Marco could find someone else. Why go through all this?" 😢 "I was falling apart, battling a question I didn't want to face" 🚪 "I offered Marco a way out" ❤️ "Just as long as it's with you" ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, heartbreaking, hopeful truth about the questions we all face but rarely talk about. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts COMMUNITY GUIDELINES: This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation about the hardest questions in fertility journeys. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Every woman's journey and decisions are valid. No judgment. No unsolicited advice. Just understanding and support. DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health, fertility, and emotional journey and is not medical advice. The decisions I faced are deeply personal, and everyone's path is different. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals and mental health providers about your own fertility journey. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience and the questions many women face but rarely discuss openly.

    16 min

  2. 12 DEC

    Chapter Seven - The Long Road Down

    When Vindication Met Devastation December 2019. I'm planning our move to Sicily with military precision, Trello boards, spreadsheets, endless coordination. My hair's growing back, my business is thriving, and we're finally ready to seriously try for a baby. Then came the 30-hour drive with our cat, a sonogram that proved I'd been right all along, and a fertility consultant who refused to listen. Blood tests on Friday. Devastating results on Saturday. COVID lockdown on Sunday. We were trapped in Italy with nowhere to turn, and my fertility window was apparently closing for good. In this episode: 🚗 The epic 2,500km drive to Sicily (with Dory the cat and Dance Monkey on repeat) ✈️ Berlin birthday trip and growing symptoms 🏥 The family GP who actually listened and did a sonogram 🎉 VINDICATION: "You're still ovulating, just not menstruating" 😤 The fertility consultant who sounded exactly like UK GPs: "Menopause" 📊 Blood tests on a Friday that shattered everything 🦠 COVID lockdown trapping us in Italy the next day 😢 When hope dissolves in 48 hours This chapter covers: Planning a major international move while managing IBD and fertility The reality of a 30-hour drive through Europe Finding a doctor who actually listens (for 60 euros!) The moment of vindication: proving you're still ovulating Medical dismissiveness even with evidence How COVID timing destroyed our fertility plans Being trapped with nowhere to turn 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/12/chapter-seven-the-long-road-down/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Summer in Sicily https://youtu.be/vWJJXx7zT44 ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: My Fertility Fight coming next week 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever had vindication followed immediately by devastation? Has a doctor dismissed evidence that contradicted their assumptions? Did COVID lockdown interrupt your fertility journey or medical treatment? Have you experienced the fixation on one single hormone despite other evidence? What does "advanced maternal age" mean to you? Share your stories in the comments - this is a judgment-free, supportive space. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses medical dismissiveness, age-related prejudice in fertility treatment, loss of a grandparent, COVID lockdown impact on fertility journeys, and the emotional whiplash from hope to despair. WHAT'S COMING IN CHAPTER 8: Reaching out to my homeopath when I had nowhere else to turn Understanding the prejudice women face with "advanced maternal age" Why doctors fixate on one hormone instead of the whole picture The revelation: IVF doctors aren't fertility specialists, they're pregnancy specialists Marco being my unwavering rock through the tears A UK clinic webinar during lockdown The scan showing my "beautifully healthy reproductive system" Progesterone tablets: the straw that broke the camel's back KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER: 💪 Finally proving I was still ovulating 😤 "Menopause" - the word that kept coming back 🚫 "No further treatment" via WhatsApp 🦠 COVID walls going up across Italy 💔 Hope dissolving in 48 hours 🔒 Trapped with my fertility window "closing" ✊ Deciding I wasn't done fighting QUOTABLE MOMENTS: 💬 "You're still ovulating. You've released an egg. You're just not menstruating." 💬 "I knew it. Houri knew it. Jessica knew it." 💬 "No further treatment." 💬 "The next day, COVID hit hard. The walls went up. We were trapped." 💬 "My fertility window was apparently closing for good." #TheLongRoadDown #FertilityJourney #COVIDLockdown #MedicalDismissiveness #AdvancedMaternalAge #StillOvulating #MenopauseAssumption #FertilityStruggles #IBDJourney #Vindication #ChronicIllness #RealTalk #FilterFree #WomensHealth #FertilityOver40 #PandemicImpact ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts COMMUNITY GUIDELINES: This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Everyone's journey is valid. DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health and fertility concerns. I have deep respect for medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience and advocating for better patient care.

    12 min

  3. 9 DEC

    Acupuncture for Fertility in Your 40s: Real Talk with Houri Alavi

    Can acupuncture really support fertility after 40? I sat down with Houvi Alavi, my acupuncturist, to get honest answers about how this ancient therapy actually works for modern fertility challenges. In this conversation, we dive into: ✨ The science behind acupuncture and fertility ✨ What acupuncture can specifically address for women over 40 ✨ How it regulates hormones and manages stress during the fertility journey ✨ The reality of egg quality vs. quantity ✨ How acupuncture works alongside IVF treatment ✨ What to look for when choosing a fertility acupuncturist ✨ Real expectations and the "magic 3 months" concept This isn't about miracle cures or false hope; it's about understanding all your options and making informed choices for your unique journey. Whether you're just starting your fertility journey, supporting IVF, or exploring complementary therapies, this conversation offers practical insights and real wisdom. Find Houri Alavi: (www.hourialavi.com) DISCLAIMER: The information in this video is based on personal experience and professional insights, but it's not medical advice. Always consult with your qualified healthcare provider before starting any new treatment. Your journey is unique to you. 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/12/04/finding-the-right-needle-my-journey-with-fertility-acupuncture/ 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, hope. 💭 Join the Conversation: Have you tried acupuncture for fertility or other health issues? What was your experience? If you're over 40 and on a fertility journey, what's been your biggest challenge so far? What complementary or alternative therapies have helped you during your fertility journey? Did anything Houri said surprise you about how acupuncture works? How do you manage stress during the fertility process? What actually works for you? Have you found healthcare providers who truly listen and support your journey? Share their approach! What questions do you wish someone had asked Houri? Drop them below! For those who've combined acupuncture with IVF - what was your experience? What's one thing you wish you'd known earlier in your fertility journey? How do you navigate the advice overload when everyone has an opinion on what you "should" try? Remember: This is a judgment-free space. Share your story, ask questions, support others. We're all in this together. Next week: Chapter 7 - The Long Road Down (A road trip to Sicily with life-changing news and a devastating diagnosis) ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts

    29 min

  4. 28 NOV

    Chapter Six - Summer in Sicily

    Vindication, Eggs, and What My Missing Period Really MeantAfter three months of religiously following the Specific Carbohydrate Diet, the moment finally arrived. My consultant ran the tests. Inflammation: completely gone. Iron levels: back to normal. And she actually said the words: "You don't have Crohn's." I was right all along. But she immediately diagnosed me with Ulcerative Colitis instead. I still didn't agree. And my period? Still missing. Still dismissed as menopause by UK doctors. What I didn't know was that none of it was what it seemed. In this episode: 🇮🇹 SCD diet in Sicily (spoiler: SO many eggs) 🏃‍♀️ Running with one disgusting public toilet 🏖️ Beautiful beaches I couldn't enjoy (toilet anxiety) 🥚 The egg-based existence 🪟 Our flat gets burgled while we sleep 📠 Italian bureaucracy: fax machines in 2019 👮 Police who take statements and do nothing 💇‍♀️ Hair falling out by the handful 🩺 The "chocolate teapot" doctor 💆‍♀️ Hair loss treatment: lavender oil and tedious routines ✅ The vindication ❓ New diagnosis (I still disagreed) 📅 My period: still MIA, still not menopause The truth I didn't know yet: My missing period wasn't what UK doctors claimed. And I was about to find out why. 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/28/chapter-six-summer-in-sicily/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: What Do You Want Us to Do Miss Tate? ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Road Trip to Catania coming soon 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from medical gaslighting to finally getting real answers. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever been proven right after doctors dismissed you for months?Has anyone given you conflicting diagnoses that didn't make sense?What's your experience with the SCD or similar elimination diets?Have you experienced hair loss after trauma or medical crisis?Has anyone dealt with missing periods being dismissed as "just menopause"? This is a space for real experiences - share your stories. ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses SCD diet challenges, home burglary, Italian medical bureaucracy, hair loss after trauma, medical vindication, and the mystery of a missing menstrual cycle. Recovery chapter with building intrigue. DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health journey and is not medical advice. The SCD diet worked for me, but it may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns. I have deep respect for the NHS and medical professionals while sharing my personal experiences with the system.

    12 min

  5. 21 NOV

    Chapter Five - What Do You Want Us to Do, Miss Tate?

    Chapter 5: When I Was Right All Along Sunday, 16 June, 2019. I'm in A&E. My iron is 81. My inflammation is 97. My body is eating itself. The doctor asks, "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?" All I can say is: "I just want someone to make me better." This is the chapter where I get admitted to hospital. Where they tell me I have characteristics of Crohn's. Where I react to yet more medications. And where I finally take control and save myself. In this episode: 🏥 A&E to admission: finding a bed at midnight 💉 IV steroids and another sigmoidoscopy 🩺 "You have characteristics of Crohn's" ❌ The consultant who won't hear "allergic reaction" 🤷‍♀️ "How do you go from mild to Crohn's in one month?" 🚫 No dietitian referrals "because NHS doesn't do that anymore" 🍽️ Hospital food when you have severe restrictions (spoiler: just salad) 💊 Prednisolone: my face and legs swell up massively 👵 "I looked like my Great Nan" 📞 "Persevere for 10 more days" - I couldn't 🥗 Discovering the Specific Carbohydrate Diet (SCD) 💪 Within days: running again, symptoms disappearing 🎯 The vindication ✅ I was right all along 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/19/chapter-5-what-do-you-want-us-to-do-miss-tate/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: USA, Menopause and Fight or Flight https://youtu.be/eFvCLtYvbR8 ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Summer in Sicily coming soon 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, hope. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever been right about your diagnosis when doctors wouldn't listen? Has anyone dismissed your suggestion of allergic reactions to medication? Have you had to research and implement your own treatment when medicine failed? What alternative approaches have worked for you with chronic illness? Share your stories - this is a community of people who get it. ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. The supplements and protocols mentioned worked for me but may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns. #Chapter5 #PatientAdvocacy #MedicalVindication #SpecificCarbohydrateDiet #SCD #IBDRecovery #ChronicIllness #TakingControl #SelfAdvocacy #MedicalGaslighting #IBDJourney #AlternativeHealth #GutHealth #ProvenRight #FilterFree #RealTalk

    14 min

  6. 14 NOV

    Chapter Four - USA, Menopause and Fight or Flight

    When Being Over 40 Was "Diagnosis" Enough April 2019. I felt good travelling through the US - until I returned home and my period vanished. When I went to my doctor, his diagnosis was immediate: menopause. Just because I was over 40. Funny how they don't apply the same logic to pregnancy, isn't it? Then came the medical cascade that would land me in A&E with a doctor asking, "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?" In this episode: 🇺🇸 Travelling with food intolerances (canned tuna and microwave rice in NYC - glamorous!) 🎭 Planning our first Chatty Sicilian events - dreams about to be shattered 👵 The menopause assumption: over 40 = case closed 🩺 When they test FSH but ignore estrogen levels 🏥 The sigmoidoscopy that should never have happened 💊 Mesalazine enemas that pushed me off a cliff 🩸 Losing blood, crippling cramps, feeling like I was on fire 📞 Calling the IBD team on Saturday, hearing back Wednesday 🚑 June 16th: my housemate takes me to A&E 💔 "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?" The cruel reality: Just as we were launching Chatty Sicilian, everything fell apart. Those events? Cancelled. Never revived. 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/14/chapter-4-usa-menopause-and-fight-or-flight/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: In Case of Emergency the Toilets are Here, Here and Here https://youtu.be/YGpg-WPxOik 🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/EGSgsScIcus 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you been dismissed by doctors based on your age alone? Has anyone assumed menopause without proper testing? Have you experienced medication that made you worse instead of better? What's your worst experience with medical bureaucracy and delayed responses? This is a safe, judgment-free space - share your stories in the comments. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses age-based medical discrimination, medication reactions, severe IBD symptoms, and the moment when you realise the medical system isn't helping. #Chapter4 #MedicalGaslighting #AgeDiscrimination #MenopauseAssumption #IBDCrisis #FertilityJourney #Over40 #AdvancedMaternalAge #MedicalDismissal #ChronicIllness #PatientAdvocacy #IBDFlare #RealTalk #FilterFree ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. The supplements and protocols mentioned worked for me but may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns.

    15 min

  7. 7 NOV

    Chapter Three - In Case of Emergency, the Toilets Are Here, Here and Here

    When Everything Started to Unravel October 2018. I was fighting fit, buzzing with health, and ready to start trying for a baby. I'd optimised everything: fertility supplements, acupuncture, organic food, toxin-free products. My bowels were "regular as clockwork." Life was good. I was far too happy, far too soon. Then "mild" proctitis decided it was done being mild. My period vanished. And I had an incident in a public toilet at 7:30am that I still don't laugh about seven years later. In this episode: 🎯 How I became the ultimate project manager of my own fertility 📚 Discovering "It Begins with the Egg" and why egg health trumps quantity 💊 The supplement regime: Fertility Smart, Fertiligreens, Maca, Ashwagandha 🎉 Living it up before baby-making: Amsterdam, Sicily, Croatia, Venice 🚽 The running incident that changed everything (yes, knickers in the bin) 🏥 When IBD medications don't work, they either do nothing or land you in hospital 📅 The day my menstrual cycle went into "cardiac arrest" 🥔 Going to an allergy, nutrition and bioscreening clinic and discovering I'm allergic to POTATOES (while living with a Sicilian!) ⏰ Learning that three months is the magic number for everything The cruel irony? Just as I got my body baby-ready, everything fell apart. This chapter covers: The reality of optimising for fertility at 40 Why egg health matters more than egg quantity What happens when "mild" IBD stops being mild The public toilet incident that haunts me Living with food allergies while trying to eat at restaurants The birth of Chatty Sicilian (the pop-up restaurant dream) That first pivotal decision in the US that could have changed everything 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/11/07/chapter-3-in-case-of-emergency-the-toilets-are-here-here-and-here/ 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: https://bit.ly/3amThoughtspodcast ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality https://youtu.be/WvAojXbK-Pg ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: USA, Menopause and Fight or Flight https://youtu.be/eFvCLtYvbR8 🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction https://youtu.be/EGSgsScIcus 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever felt like you were doing "everything right" right before everything went wrong? What supplements or protocols have you tried for fertility? Have you experienced the nightmare of food intolerances while traveling or eating out? Do you have your own "three months" rule for health changes? Has anyone dismissed your symptoms as "mild" when they clearly weren't? Share your stories in the comments - this is a judgment-free, supportive space. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses bowel accidents, food allergies, fertility optimisation, and the moment when mild symptoms become serious. Real talk about the things nobody wants to discuss but everyone going through this needs to hear. WHAT'S COMING NEXT: Chapter 4: The US trip and the menopause assumption When doctors dismiss you because you're "over 40" The medical cascade that leads to A&E "What do you want us to do, Miss Tate?" KEY TAKEAWAYS: ✨ Egg health matters more than egg quantity ✨ Three months is the magic timeline for supplements and diet changes ✨ If you feel urgency while running - WALK, don't run ✨ Always carry toilet paper when you have IBD ✨ "Mild" medical conditions can escalate quickly ✨ Food intolerances make life incredibly challenging ✨ Your body doesn't care about your perfect plans ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. No AI polish. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: Insta - @my_3_amthoughts DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. The supplements and protocols mentioned worked for me but may not be suitable for everyone. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns.

    14 min
  8. Chapter Two - Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality

    30 OCT

    Chapter Two - Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality

    2017 was supposed to be the fun year. Marco and I were in full honeymoon mode - long weekends away, gigs, restaurants, living it up. My "mild" proctitis diagnosis was firmly in the rearview mirror. Then Marco said something that scared the crap out of me: "I want kids." Just like that. No sugarcoating. No gentle lead-in. And he said it TWICE in our first few months together. Suddenly, I had to make a decision that would change everything - not just whether I wanted children, but whether I was even capable of having them. In this episode: 💣 The moment Marco dropped the baby bombshell 🤔 Confronting the fact that my biological clock had been silent for 38 years 😰 Discovering terms like "geriatric pregnancy" and "advanced maternal age" 🌿 How acupuncture transformed my anxiety (and my shaky hands) 🇮🇹 Meeting Marco's family in Sicily and THE grandchildren question 🎉 Celebrating my 40th at a drum and bass festival in a Roman fort 🧘‍♀️ Getting my body baby-ready with clean living... right before everything went wrong The twist? Just as we started trying for a baby, my IBD came roaring back - and this time, it brought my menstrual cycle down with it. This chapter covers: Making life-changing decisions you never saw comingWhat nobody tells you about fertility at 38The power of acupuncture for anxiety and healthRomantic Italian declarations gone hilariously wrong ("Sono innamorato di te")When "mild" proctitis decides it's done being mildThe cruel irony of getting healthy just as your body betrays you 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: https://3amthoughts.me/2025/10/30/chapter-2-big-fun-decisions-and-a-slap-from-reality/ ⏮️ PREVIOUS CHAPTER: Panic in the Toilet https://3amthoughts.me/2025/08/26/chapter-1-panic-in-the-toilet/ ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: In Case of Emergency, the Toilets Are Here, Here and Here - Coming soon 🏠 START FROM THE BEGINNING: Introduction 3amthoughts.me 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters following my journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace - through IBD, fertility struggles, and ultimately, motherhood. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever had someone drop a life-changing expectation on you early in a relationship?Did you know about age-related fertility challenges before it affected you?What alternative therapies have helped you with chronic illness or anxiety?Have you experienced the irony of getting healthy right before a major health setback? This is a safe, judgment-free space - share your stories in the comments. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses fertility anxiety, age-related prejudice, relationship pressure, and the return of IBD symptoms. Real talk about the decisions nobody prepares you for. WHAT'S COMING NEXT: Chapter 3: When running became a game of "find the nearest toilet"The moment I threw my knickers in a public bin at 7:30amWhy fertility clinics aren't actually reproductive health expertsThe day my menstrual cycle went into "cardiac arrest" KEY MOMENTS FROM THIS CHAPTER: 💔 "I want kids" - the statement that changed everything 🤯 At 38, I'd never thought about my fertility 💪 Acupuncture proved to be a powerful ally ❤️ My romantic Italian confession... with corrected grammar 👵 Meeting Marco's mum and the inevitable grandchildren question 🎊 Turning 40 with drum and bass in Croatia, not a midlife crisis 🌱 Embracing clean living: no caffeine, minimal alcohol, no processed foods ⚡ The cruel timing: getting baby-ready just as IBD returned with a vengeance QUOTABLE MOMENTS: 💬 "My biological clock? Silent " 💬 "It was so romantic, like something from the movies... until he corrected my grammar." 💬 "Just as we began trying for our family, my IBD returned with a vengeance." 💬 "What started as an 'irritating pimple' was about to become the main event." #Chapter2 #FertilityDecisions #IBDJourney #MotherhoodAt40 #GeriatricPregnancy #BiologicalClock #FertilityStruggles #RelationshipDecisions #AcupunctureHealing #ChronicIllness #RealTalk #FilterFree #WomensHealth #FertilityOver40 #LifeChangingDecisions #IBDFlare ABOUT THIS SERIES: From toilet panic to 3AM peace - this is my unfiltered journey through five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and becoming a mother through donor eggs. No perfect Instagram moments. No AI polish. Just the messy, beautiful, heartbreaking, hopeful truth. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: https://www.instagram.com/my_3_amthoughts/ COMMUNITY GUIDELINES: This is a space for support, shared experiences, and honest conversation. Be kind. Be respectful. Share your truth. Everyone's journey is valid. DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health and fertility journey and is not medical advice. Always consult qualified healthcare professionals about your own health and fertility concerns. I have deep respect for the NHS and medical professionals - this is about sharing my lived experience.

    6 min
  9. Chapter One - Panic in the Toilet

    30 OCT

    Chapter One - Panic in the Toilet

    Panic in the Toilet | Chapter 1: How It All Started January 2017. I was living my best life - fresh out of a marriage, doing a Master's degree, producing theatre shows, and getting my first tattoo (which upset my Dad more than the divorce). Then two things happened that would change everything: I met Marco, and I had an "uh oh" moment in the bathroom. This is where my IBD and fertility journey began - though I had no idea what was coming. In this episode: 🚽 The moment I knew something was wrong (and why I called my doctor immediately) 💕 Meeting Marco on a dating app and our disastrous first attempt at Italian romance 😳 My biggest fear: accidentally farting in front of my new boyfriend 🏥 What really happens during a colonoscopy (spoiler: it's not fun) 🎯 Getting diagnosed with "mild" proctitis... that wouldn't stay mild for long The best part? Discovering that Marco finds my farting hilarious. Who knew that would become important later? This chapter covers: Why I didn't wait to see blood in the toilet twice before calling my doctorThe awkwardness of hiding medical procedures from your new relationshipThe farting sweet spot (like Goldilocks - not too little, not too much, just right)Why I trusted doctors completely back then (spoiler: that changes)The first diagnosis that seemed like no big deal... but was 📖 READ THE FULL CHAPTER: [Blog link] 🎙️ LISTEN ON PODCAST: [Podcast link] ⏭️ NEXT CHAPTER: Big Fun, Decisions and a Slap from Reality 🔔 SUBSCRIBE for weekly chapters chronicling my journey through IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and donor eggs to holding my miracle baby at 3AM. 💬 DISCUSSION QUESTIONS: Have you ever dismissed early symptoms because they seemed "mild"?What's your most embarrassing medical procedure story?Did you trust doctors implicitly before your own health journey? Share your stories in the comments - this is a judgment-free, supportive space. ⚠️ CONTENT NOTE: This episode discusses bowel issues, medical procedures, and bodily functions with humor and honesty. If that's not your thing, this might not be the channel for you - but if you're here for real talk, welcome! WHAT'S COMING UP: Chapter 2: The moment Marco dropped the baby bombshellChapter 3: When "mild" proctitis became anything but mildChapter 4: The day my period just... stopped KEY TAKEAWAYS: ✨ Trust your gut (literally) - if something feels wrong, call your doctor ✨ Farting is healthy - don't hold it in ✨ "Mild" medical diagnoses can be deceptive ✨ Having bowel cancer in your family means you don't wait around ✨ The right partner will laugh at your farts, not judge them Signature phrase watch: First appearance of "Fart loud, fart proud!" 🎉 #PanicInTheToilet #Chapter1 #IBDJourney #FertilityStruggles #RealTalk #Proctitis #InflammatoryBowelDisease #MedicalJourney #FilterFree #FartLoudFartProud #ChronicIllness #BowelHealth #ColonoscopyStories #WomensHealth #HealthJourney ABOUT THIS SERIES: This is my unfiltered journey from toilet panic to 3AM peace - chronicling five years of IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and ultimately becoming a mother through donor eggs. No filters. Just the messy, real, hopeful truth that nobody tells you. Your voice deserves to be heard. Always. 📧 CONTACT: to3amthoughts@gmail.com 📱 CONNECT: https://www.instagram.com/my_3_amthoughts/DISCLAIMER: This content shares my personal health journey and is not medical advice. Always consult with qualified healthcare professionals about your own health concerns. I respect the NHS and medical professionals - this is about sharing my experience, not providing guidance.

    7 min
  10. Introduction

    30 OCT

    Introduction

    Welcome to My Story: From Toilet Panic to 3AM Peace This is the raw, unfiltered truth about my journey to motherhood at 40+ with IBD, fertility struggles, premature ovarian failure, and ultimately, donor eggs. What you'll find here: ✨ Honest stories about the reality of IBD and fertility (yes, including farting) 🏥 What doctors don't tell you about fertility clinics vs. reproductive health 💔 The emotional rollercoaster of trying to conceive when your body says no 🌟 Hope, tears, and finding peace in the darkness 👶 How I ended up holding my miracle baby at 3am This channel is for you if: You're struggling with fertility and feel aloneYou have IBD or chronic illness affecting your reproductive healthYou're over 40 and facing "geriatric pregnancy" prejudiceYou want filter-free, AI-free, real talk about the messy middle of becoming a parentYou need hope when everything feels hopeless What this ISN'T: ❌ Medical advice or a "how-to" manual ❌ Perfect, polished Instagram motherhood ❌ Another sanitised fertility story What this IS: ✅ My personal journey, exactly as I lived it ✅ A space for support and shared experiences ✅ Permission to fart loud and fart proud (you'll understand soon) ✅ Comfort for anyone standing alone in the dark

    5 min
  • 10 Episodes

About

From Toilet Panic to 3AM Peace: One Woman's Journey Through IBD, Fertility, and Finding Hope in the Dark Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down... but it's not the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. It's the raw, unfiltered truth about trying to become a mother at 40+ while battling IBD, premature ovarian failure, and a medical system that wasn't designed for women like me. This is where I share what really happens when your bowels, your fertility, and your dreams collide. From panic attacks in public toilets to navigating donor eggs, from being dismissed as "too old" to holding my miracle baby at 3am - this is my story, filter-free. What you'll hear: Honest conversations about IBD and fertility (including the farting - because fart loud, fart proud!)What fertility clinics don't tell you about reproductive healthThe emotional reality of premature ovarian failure and donor eggsMedical advocacy and learning to trust yourself over "experts"Hope, tears, and finding peace when everything feels hopelessGuest stories from others on similar journeys This podcast is for: Women struggling with fertility who feel alone despite being surrounded by support. Anyone navigating chronic illness while trying to conceive. People facing age-related prejudice in their fertility journey. Anyone who needs permission to be messy, angry, hopeful, and real about becoming a parent. What makes this different: No filters. No polish. No Instagram-perfect motherhood. Just real stories from the messy middle, the parts nobody talks about but everyone experiences. This isn't medical advice. I'm not a doctor. I'm just someone who's been through it and wants you to know you're not alone in the dark. New episodes: Weekly Your voice deserves to be heard. Always.

Information

  • Creator
    Annique Tate
  • Years Active
    2K
  • Episodes
    10
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    3am Thoughts