Love Inside Out with Adele Testa

Adele The Coach
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What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

  1. 2 days ago

    Replay #2: Are you where you want to be in love?

    Sunday's Heart Note left us with an idea: wedding-grief isn't a wound, it's a compass, pointing at something you still want. Today's replay picks up that needle and puts it on the table. This is the Episode 3 extract: are you where you want to be in love? We will try to explore the complex question: if nothing changed for a whole year, if twelve months from now your love life looked exactly like it does today, would you feel at peace? Or quietly unhappy? That gap, between where you are and where you thought you'd be, is what we sit with here. The moment their mood quietly becomes the owner of yours. The difference between a life season and a relationship pattern. And a few honest questions to take with you, including some just for you if you're single right now. Not to fix anything today. Just to notice it. 🤎 Follow so the rest of the summer replays land in your feed.

    9 min

  2. 5 days ago

    Heart Note #2: The wedding invite that hit differently

    You can be genuinely happy for the groom and bride, and still go home feeling sad. Those two things co-exist at the same time when you are in a challenging spot in your love life. In this Summer Heart Note, we explore the quiet feeling that sometimes follows weddings, engagement announcements, and other people's love stories. We try to understand what that mixed-emotion might be trying to tell you. Be brave, stay curious and enjoy this episode of the LOVE INSIDE OUT's summer edition. Get in touch at adele_thecoach on instagram, I am curious to hear your thoughts!

    8 min

  3. 17 Jun

    Replay # 1: Juggling LOVE and LIFE

    What if the argument is not really about the dishes, the bins or the unanswered text? Sometimes the relationship is not the problem. Life is. Work pressure, exhaustion, children, ageing parents, money, commuting and the mental load can quietly change how we speak, listen and react to each other. A small comment lands badly. One person withdraws. The other pushes harder. Suddenly, you are arguing about something neither of you truly cares about. In this first Summer Replay, I share an extract from Episode 5 about what happens when everyday stress enters a relationship—and starts disguising itself as a relationship problem. You will explore why focusing only on the latest argument can keep you stuck, how to recognise your own stress signature, and why the thing that helps you reconnect may sometimes happen away from your partner. The episode also introduces simple ways to interrupt tension before it becomes a full argument, including decompression time, tips for difficult conversations and language that helps you name the pattern rather than fight over the surface issue. Because when life gets heavy, connection rarely needs to be perfect or impressive. Sometimes it simply needs to say: we are still choosing each other. Summer Replay No. 1 is an extract from Episode 5: How Life, Work and Juggling Impact Your Love Life—and What to Do About It.

    15 min

  4. 13 Jun

    Heart Note #1: the version of You that only appears on holiday

    Have you ever noticed that a different version of you seems to appear a few days into a holiday? Your body softens. You laugh more easily. You become more curious, more spontaneous and more open to the person beside you. Then you come home—and that version of you seems to disappear almost immediately. In this first Summer Heart Note, we explore what might really be changing when we step away from routine, pressure and the roles we carry every day. Is it the place, the rest, the warm light—or is something deeper happening? This short episode looks at the hidden difference between who we are on holiday and who we become in ordinary life. It also offers one question to carry with you through the week—especially if you have ever returned home feeling that you left an important part of yourself behind. Stay curious and be brave.

    7 min

  5. 7 Jun

    25. Sorry is a word. Change is a practice

    Six sorries in two minutes — and the argument only got worse. If you've ever said "sorry" just to make the discomfort stop… if you've ever been handed an apology that left you feeling more unseen, not less… if you're quietly waiting for an "I'm sorry" that never seems to arrive — this one is for you. Most of us were never taught how to apologise. Very few of us ever received a real apology from a parent while we were still children. So we grew up improvising — reaching for the word "sorry" like a button that ends the argument, instead of a bridge that repairs it. In this episode of Love Inside Out, Adele the Coach reframes apology from a confession of being bad into what it actually is: an adult life skill. Being aware of your mistake, and steady enough to repair it — without spinning, negotiating, or softening it to protect yourself. The people who are genuinely good at love are the ones who can do this cleanly. And it's learnable. This is the last full-length episode before the summer break — and it's the one everything this season has been quietly building towards. Inside, we cover: 00:00 Understanding apologies: the journey begins00:22 The anatomy of a real apology01:44 Dismantling fake apologies05:21 Building a genuine apology10:05 The 5 components of a real apology14:57 Navigating reactions and moving forward16:43 The power of apology17:17 Waiting for an apology19:39 Understanding fake apologies21:49 The Importance of genuine change26:11 Personal growth through acceptance28:04 The gap between words and actions32:04 Reflections and challenges for growth This week's Heart Work — the last of the season — is two reflections and one challenge: name the apology you owe and the one you're still waiting for, spot your favourite fake apology, and then give one real apology this week using the five components. Don't rush it. Don't soften it. See what happens. Whether you're partnered, dating, or single and noticing the same pattern show up wherever you go — this is a tool for life. A note on what's next: Love Inside Out shifts into Summer Heart Notes — short ~10-minute reflections every Sunday, plus the juiciest extract from a favourite episode each Wednesday. Full-length episodes return in September, with a new monthly listener Q&A. Stay in touch If this episode lands for you, I'd love to hear about it. 🤎 Instagram — @adele_thecoach

    34 min

  6. 31 May

    24. The slow fade: when someone leaves without ever saying goodbye

    I once had someone fade on me so gradually that I didn't see it happening. He dressed the distance up as a busy season — a big project, a phase, nothing to worry about. By the time I understood what was going on, I'd already mentally planned our second anniversary. Fifteen years later I can still feel it: the confusion, the hollow space, the not knowing whether something had ended or whether I was imagining the whole thing. That's where this episode lives. The replies that get slower. The plans that go vague. The partner who stops asking about your day and stops reaching for you when they pass in the kitchen. Someone turning the volume down on you, week by week, until one day you realise you can barely hear them — and nobody ever actually said goodbye. I take you through the different shapes it comes in — the dating fade, the situationship that quietly dissolves, the long relationship where one person has emotionally checked out but hasn't gone anywhere. I unpack why we vanish instead of saying the thing: the terror of being the villain, the magical hope that they'll somehow work it out for themselves, the way we've all gotten a little too good at avoidance. And I give you the actual words for an honest, gentle ending — because telling you to "just be direct" means nothing if I don't show you what direct actually sounds like. If you're the one being faded on right now — rereading the messages, measuring the gaps between replies, quietly deciding it must be your fault — there's a part of this episode I wrote just for you. When you reach it, stop whatever you're doing and listen. I mean that. And here is the one thing I want you to carry out of this with you: their silence describes them, not you. As always, we end with Heart Work — two short questions, one for you if you've been faded on, one for you if you're the one fading. 🤎 CHAPTER BREAKDOWN 00:00 — What the slow fade really looks like05:02 — When you're the one being faded on09:04 — Why we fade instead of saying the thing12:42 — Why being honest feels so dangerous20:18 — What a kind goodbye sounds like27:09 — Heart work and what's next Next Sunday is the last full-length episode before summer — "Sorry Is a Word" — on apologies, repair, and the word almost none of us were ever taught how to use.

    31 min

  7. 24 May

    23. Moving for love without losing yourself

    Ten years ago, I packed up the life I'd taken 25 years to build and moved to a different country for one person. That person was — and is — worth it. But moving for love is not the romantic plot point it gets sold as. It's a slow, structural decision that touches everything: your friendships, your identity, your money, your sense of home, even the way you spend a Sunday evening. Nobody explained that to me before I went. So in this episode of Love Inside Out, I give you the full map I wish someone had given me — for relocating, moving cities or countries for your partner without losing yourself on the way. Inside this episode: 00:00 The loneliness of relocation01:12 Preparing for the move05:43 Date the place (find your bench)08:29 The three friends you need in year one11:35 Grieving the past14:37 The money conversation nobody wants to have19:12 Communicating needs in relationships21:40 The importance of ongoing conversations in relationships23:11 Navigating the challenges of moving for Love25:01 Understanding the emotional impact of relocation27:13 The bet of moving: trusting yourself28:27 Forget that you moved29:18 Final thoughts on moving for LoveThis episode is for anyone about to move for love, in the middle of it, or still recovering from it years later. The people who move well aren't the ones who love hardest — they're the ones who build most carefully. If this lands for you, or you know someone about to make the leap — share it. I wish someone had done that for me at the time. DM on instagram adele_thecoach Read about Love on substack Stay curious, curious listener. Ciao 🤎

    32 min

  8. 17 May

    22. The four wounds of dysfunctional love - and the secret of healing

    Why do you push away the people who are genuinely good for you — and feel strangely at home with the ones who aren't? If steady, kind love feels boring, suspicious, even suffocating… if a caring partner has ever made you think "this is too good to be true"… if you keep choosing chaos and calling it passion — this episode will hit close to home. In this episode of Love Inside Out, we explore what happens when we grow up in a dysfunctional family — not an unloving one, just one that quietly handed us some difficult patterns. Using the story of the chained elephant, we will unpack why your nervous system still lives in a world you've long outgrown, and why that "chain" shows up in your romantic life every single day. Together we look at the four wounds a dysfunctional upbringing can leave behind and the crucial difference between what feels familiar and what actually is care. Because confusing the two is how good people walk away from good love. This episode is gentle, honest, and a little tender — but it ends on a turning point. The love you've been running from might be the love you were looking for all along. This week's Heart Work is a four-step reflection exercise to help you start spotting your own chains: name it, separate then and now, redefine home, and get a witness. 🤎 Three standalone newsletters going deeper on this topic are on the Substack — link below. https://substack.com/@unromanticisedlove Chapters: 00:00 - Understanding Dysfunctional Family Dynamics03:42 - The Impact of Dysfunction on Relationships07:55 - Identifying Core Wounds from Dysfunction11:48 - Recognizing Familiarity vs. Genuine Care16:45 - Relearning Healthy Relationship Dynamics19:21 - Practical Steps for Healing and Growth Episodes mentioned in this episode: 🔗 Episode 1 — Love Storytelling: The Lies We Tell Ourselves About Love (love = drama, love = sacrifice) → https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826870 🔗 Episode 9 - How to Recognise Your Person (Dating Framework) → https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826767 🔗 Episode 8. - The Power Couple Myth (3x Rule) → https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826924 🔗 Episode 4 - Self-Love and Romantic Love (7 Hs Framework) → https://plinkhq.com/i/1877487346/e/1000749826766

    26 min
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About

What if the way we've been thinking about love is keeping us from actually having it? Whether you're happily partnered, struggling to connect, or somewhere in the messy middle—pull up a chair. Let's figure this out together. Love Inside Out is for anyone who's ever felt like they're performing in their relationship instead of living in it. For people who wonder if compromise has turned into playing small. For those asking: Why was this easier in my twenties? I'm Adele—coach, and curious human. Thank you for joining me in this journey!

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