Why Narcissists Text You Out of Nowhere (And How to Shut It Down)

Your phone dings. It’s the narcissist.
“Emergency.”
“Call me now.”
“Why are you ignoring me?”

These out-of-nowhere texts aren’t random — they’re tactics to pull you back into chaos.

In this episode, Christy shares:
🔥 Why narcissists drop “urgent” messages
📱 The most common manipulations (fake emergencies, guilt trips, drama bombs)
🚪 How to shut it down without losing your peace

✨ Resources + Ways to Work With Me

👑 Free Boundaries Pocket Guide
Grab your quick-start guide to boundaries that actually stick → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/journey-to-peace-coaching-blueprint/

Email me with questions: fiercemamac@gmail.com

🎧 Free Private Support Facebook Group
Come join the community and connect with other women who get it → https://www.facebook.com/groups/2420729361374989

💻 Self-Paced Empowered Boundaries Course
10 modules, scripts, meditations + lifetime access → https://shethrives.thrivecart.com/empowered-boundaries/

Grey Rock Method Episode:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-grey-rock-method-how-to-deal-with-a-narcissist/id1662241353?i=1000648879776

TRANSCRIP

Speaker 1 (00:02):

Have you finally broken free from that narcissist creepy crawly web, but still feel stuck in fear. Wish you could trust yourself again and take your life back. Well, you're in the right place, queen. I'm Christy wife, mom and narcissistic abuse recovery coach. I've walked the messy road, wasted money on the wrong therapist and dry advice, and had a come to Jesus moment to get me here to feel free. I had to reconnect with me, set boundaries that stuck, and find healing methods that actually lasted. Now, I've created a plan that's empowering, doable, and yes, even fun because I'm sparkly and fun. So of course it's going to be fun. So if you're ready to break cycles, reclaim your peace and trust yourself again, this podcast is for you. So steep, that chamomile tea, silence, all that crazy chaos out there. And let's cue your royal glow up.

(01:01)
Welcome back to Narcissistic Abuse Recovery. I'm Christie. This is your guide to reclaiming peace, protecting your sex ass power and thriving, not just surviving after narcissistic abuse. And today we're going to talk about one of the sneakiest and most triggering tactics. Narcissists love to use. I've been through it myself. The random out of nowhere texts, if you're co-parenting, you've lived this probably a hundred times. If you're not, you may still deal with it. Pretty sure you have the Hoover text. These little attempts are sometimes big to reel you back in. But either way, the goal for them is the same, to control you, to control your focus and hijack your emotions. So why do they do this? Why? It's mind blowing Because we don't think like them. So it's very hard for us to understand why would someone do this? The lengths they will go and the things they will do, it's not cool.

(02:10)
So let's break down the psychology first. Narcissists crave what? Control. That's our biggest thing I talk about all the time, right? I should drink every time I hear myself say the word control on this podcast and supply. So they want control and they want supply, right? Feeding their ego, feeding, grabbing your energy, whatever. So when you've created this distance, that loss of control burns them. So they're burning up the fact that you've created a distance in the first place. We kind of know that the random texting is a way to test. Can I still get her attention? Even if it's bad attention, can I still spark that reaction? Right? So it's never about the communication. It's not really about whatever they're asking you or egging you to respond to. It's about power and intrusion, intrusion on your mind, intrusion on your soul in whatever way they can.

(03:21)
Okay? So think about it. Healthy people don't send a three word emergency text at 9:00 PM at 10:00 PM, 11, whatever. That's manipulation. It's not communication. A healthy person would say, Hey, I'm at the hospital with Mindy. Such and such happened. You may want to get over here, or whatever the thing is, right? Looks a little different than the narcissist who dangles what we call a carrot. So you are forced them to react and respond, okay? So that's why. What are the tactics they use? So here are the classics I see over and over. Number one, fake emergencies. Good example. Call me now. Something's wrong with the kids. They'll even pull them into it. But even just call me now by itself. Call me now. I need you to talk. I need you to answer or pick up the phone. I need you to pick up the phone.

(04:26)
It's important. It's an emergency. This urgent, urgent way of speaking. And nine times out of 10, it's something minor. So they could say something, it has to do with the kids. And then you call and it's like, oh, their homework was late, right? Something. They'll find anything they have to bait you. Number two, the drama drops. Just you won't believe what happened. You don't believe what just happened to me or not even to me. You just won't believe what just happened. They're baiting you into a spiral. They know that's going to get your curiosity peaked. And even though they're trying to control that curiosity, that satisfy their need for that supply, and in their mind they're like, oh, she, he on this podcast. It's she usually, but she cares still because she's curious. When I put something out there, she wants to know because I must matter to her somewhat.

(05:32)
And even if I don't, I still have control of her. It's so gross. Alright, number three, guilt trips disguised as urgency. So example, I don't know why you're ignoring me. This is important. They'll be like, oh, all I want to do is just share this information with you. I'm just trying to help you out. Right? Whatever. It's guilt, it's manipulation, mixed with urgency. The translation of that is I want control. It's not about resolution. So learning these things will help you. Okay? And number four, the Hoover check-ins. Hoover, right? That's the vacuum. If you don't know about hoovering, think I have an episode somewhere. I'll try to remember to link below the, Hey, just thinking about you, or I was just reminiscing about the old days. My husband actually has an ex who would hoover over text messages. Oh, I was just thinking about this thing we did together or this item I got.

(06:47)
It's designed to stir up nostalgia and suck you back in. They know what they're doing, guys, right? Every single one of these things is about knocking you off your feet so they can grab you, pick you up and stuff 'em inside to feed their supply and let them feel control. So that's all lovely. Let's get how to shut it down. So this is the part where you get to put on your crown, shine it up, and take that power back. Alright? Number one, first things first, guys, don't do shit until you pause, pause, pause, pause. Before you reply, if you even have to reply, can we first please talk about, I know if you're co-parenting, you feel like you have to reply. I hope by now, if you've been listening to my podcast, there are options to deal with certain apps. And that way it's like you can even, I believe, have your attorney on there if you have an attorney, right? Like a third party. But apps are a great way. You keep it very emotionless to the point. Don't take their bait and it is documented. So sometimes they'll be on better behavior because it's being documented like that on an app and they're more aware of it. So it helps. Sometimes they don't give a shit because they're narcissists and rules don't always apply to them in their heads.

(08:24)
But either way, you have it documented. So if you do need to go to court, if you do need to prove something, you've got everything there and it's all in one spot. I love those apps. So anyway, pause before you reply. If my whole point is if you have to reply, if it's something not related to your child or something that is truly you feel like you need to