Your Thoughts Your Reality

Mike Cole
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Welcome to "Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Mike Cole," the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges. Michael Cole, a Certified Elite Neuroencoding Specialist, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life. Join him as we delve into the profound realm of Neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles: procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more. Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward. 

  1. 3 days ago ·  Video

    Who Sees the Veteran? | Identity — The 1st Silent War | Brittinie Wick

    Send us Fan Mail What happens when the uniform comes off—but part of you still needs that chapter of your life to be seen? And what happens when people do not even recognize that you were the one who served? For many veterans, transition is not simply about leaving the military. It is about deciding what parts of service you carry forward, what parts you release, and how you build a new identity without pretending that the person you were no longer matters. For women veterans, there can be another layer entirely: What happens when your service becomes invisible? In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Brittinie Wick, an eight-year U.S. Air Force veteran and former intelligence analyst who supported the RPA community and operations across the Middle East and Africa. Today, Brittinie is a Doctor of Physical Therapy, fitness professional, military spouse, mother of four, advocate for women veterans, and founder and host of the Women Serve Too podcast—a platform created to help military women and veterans tell their stories, feel seen, and connect with others who understand what they have experienced. Together, Mike and Brittinie explore Identity — The 1st Silent War. Brittinie knew at a young age that military service was part of her calling. The events of September 11 deeply affected her as a child, and not long afterward, even a Disney movie—Cadet Kelly—helped reinforce the picture she had begun forming of women in military service. At 18, she joined the Air Force. The reality she encountered was far more complicated than the image she had imagined. As an intelligence analyst, Brittinie learned to work in an environment where information mattered, mistakes had consequences, and some of the most important things happening in her life could not be discussed with the people closest to her. She also experienced moments when her expertise was overlooked, questioned, or simply not heard—experiences that added another layer to what it meant to establish herself as a young woman serving in the military. Then service became painfully personal. Brittinie shares the impact of losing her friend Zach in the Frankfurt Airport shooting, the fear she experienced while her then-fiancé was deployed to Afghanistan, and what it was like receiving intelligence about attacks near his location while being unable to reach him. She describes the panic, hypervigilance, compartmentalization, and pressure of knowing things she could not talk about while working in a culture where seeking mental-health support often carried stigma. Years later, the Las Vegas shooting brought much of that trauma back to the surface. And underneath those experiences was a much larger question: Who was she becoming because of everything she had lived through? This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars: Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the uniform, role, and security clearance no longer define me?” Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What do I do when the path I thought I was supposed to follow changes?” Connection — The 3rd Silent War: “Where can I find people who actually understand what I experienced?” Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What did I learn to keep inside because I believed I could not talk about it?” Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I build a meaningful next chapter when the original plan no longer fits?” Brittinie’s transition after service was anything but linear. She originally believed law school and eventually politics were part of her future. After being rejected from law school twice, she had to reconsider a plan she had carried for years. That pivot eventually led to an MBA, work in fitness, and then another realization: she was already spending much of her time helping clients work through physical limitations and injuries. So she changed direction again. Today, she is a licensed physical therapist. Her story is a powerful reminder that changing direction does not mean you failed the original mission. Sometimes it means you finally discovered the next one. But one part of Brittinie’s identity continued to bother her. She and her husband had both served, yet people routinely thanked him for his service while assuming she was the military dependent—even when she handed them her own active-duty military ID. She remembers thinking: Women serve too. Why is that so hard for people to understand? Eventually, that frustration became a mission. Through the Women Serve Too podcast, Brittinie gives military women and veterans space to tell their own stories—from leadership and motherhood to PTSD, military sexual trauma, transition, entrepreneurship, and the struggle to rediscover purpose after the uniform comes off. And in helping other women tell their stories, Brittinie discovered something important about her own: Connection can be healing. Hearing another person describe something you thought you were carrying alone can create one of the most powerful realizations possible: “That happened to me too.” In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why leaving the military can create a deeper identity struggle than simply changing careers  How women veterans can become invisible even when they were the ones who served  How September 11 influenced Brittinie’s decision to join the Air Force  What intelligence work taught her about responsibility, secrecy, and compartmentalization  How losing a friend to terrorism changed the way she experienced her own mission  What it was like receiving intelligence about danger near her deployed fiancé while being unable to contact him  How trauma and hypervigilance can continue long after the original event  Why transitioning from military service required Brittinie to repeatedly redefine her direction  How two law-school rejections eventually led her toward physical therapy  Why Brittinie created Women Serve Too How hearing other veterans’ stories can reduce isolation and help people feel seen  Why your military chapter can remain part of you without becoming the only thing that defines you If something in this conversation made you think, “That’s me,” “I’ve felt that,” or “Finally—someone sees it,” don’t immediately move on. Sit with it for a moment. Then take one action. Reach out to someone. Share your story. Listen to another veteran’s story. Send this episode to somebody who needs to hear it. Information alone does not create change. Action does. Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality To hear more stories from women who have served, search Women Serve Too on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can also find Women Serve Too on Instagram and connect with Brittinie Wick on LinkedIn. And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And being seen does not require leaving your service behind—it means allowing that chapter to become part of the whole person you are becoming. #Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #WomenServeToo #WomenVeterans #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #MilitarySpouse #PTSD #Connection #Purpose #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  2. 27 Aug ·  Video

    Can You Lead Without Rank? | Identity — The 1st Silent War | Neco Johnson

    Send us Fan Mail What happens when the rank comes off? When the title disappears, the structure changes, and the position that helped define you for decades suddenly belongs to someone else? For many veterans and leaders, transition is not simply about finding another job. It can force a much deeper question: Who am I when the authority, recognition, and identity attached to my role are gone? In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Neco Johnson, a retired U.S. Air Force Chief Master Sergeant with 28 years of service. During his career, Neco served as a First Sergeant, Command First Sergeant, and Commandant of the Air Force First Sergeant Academy. Today, he is the founder and CEO of First Class Leadership, a keynote speaker, executive coach, leadership consultant, and author of The Power of Pivots. Together, Mike and Neco explore Identity — The 1st Silent War and what it takes to separate who you are from the rank, title, uniform, or position that once helped define you. Neco’s story begins long before he became a Chief Master Sergeant. At 17, he became a father—something he admits terrified him enough that he initially ran from the responsibility. A direct intervention from his mother forced him to face what he was avoiding, and that moment became one of the first major pivots of his life. The desire to become the father he wanted to be eventually helped lead him into the Air Force and began a 28-year journey of growth, responsibility, and leadership. But one of the most powerful lessons Neco learned was that leadership was never really about the rank. He began his Air Force career as an HVAC technician. Troubleshooting mechanical systems taught him not to react only to the symptom in front of him, but to diagnose the entire system. Later, he realized people require the same kind of curiosity. Poor performance may not simply be poor performance. Behind it could be fear, self-doubt, conflict, problems at home, lack of trust, or someone who simply does not believe in themselves. That realization helped shape Neco’s approach to authentic leadership: understand the person before trying to fix the problem. This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars: Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the rank and title no longer define me?” Fear — The 9th Silent War: “Am I being called to pivot—or am I simply afraid of what comes next?” Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Does my value change when the recognition and authority disappear?” Direction — The 8th Silent War: “How do I take everything I learned and find where it belongs next?” Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “Did I build something strong enough to continue without me?” Neco offers a powerful perspective for anyone struggling with transition: if the organization continues to thrive after you leave, that does not diminish what you contributed. It may actually be evidence that you led well. The uniform may come off, but the discipline, character, communication skills, experience, and ability to influence others do not disappear with it. Civilian leadership is simply different. People may no longer follow because rank requires them to. The bigger opportunity is becoming the kind of person they choose to follow. Neco also shares ideas from The Power of Pivots, including why growth often requires moving before you have complete certainty. He challenges the familiar idea of constantly stepping “outside” your comfort zone. Instead, he suggests enlarging your comfort zone. Every time you confront something uncomfortable, develop competence, and move through it successfully, what once frightened you becomes part of what you now know you can handle. He breaks that growth process into four C’s: Commitment — Decide that you are going to do the difficult thing. Competence — Develop the ability through repetition and experience. Confidence — Allow competence to create evidence that you can handle it. Curiosity — Begin asking, “What else am I capable of?” And when emotions threaten to stop forward movement, Neco offers another simple framework: ACT. Acknowledge. Choose. Take Action. Acknowledge the fear, anxiety, frustration, or emotion that is present. Choose to move forward according to the standard you set before the emotion took over. Then take action. Because knowledge alone does not change your life. Applied knowledge does. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why rank and title can quietly become part of your identity  How to separate authentic leadership from positional authority  Why everything you developed in the military still matters after transition  How Neco went from becoming a father at 17 to serving 28 years in the Air Force  What HVAC troubleshooting taught him about understanding and developing people  Why character should matter more than rank  How to know when fear and a genuine life pivot may be colliding  Why Neco believes we should enlarge our comfort zones rather than simply step outside them  How commitment, competence, confidence, and curiosity build personal growth  How the ACT framework can help you move forward when emotion tells you to stop  Why your greatest leadership test may come when nobody is required to follow you If something in this conversation resonated with you, don’t immediately move on. Ask yourself: If the rank, title, position, or role disappeared tomorrow—what would still be true about who I am? Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality Learn more about Neco Johnson, First Class Leadership, his coaching and speaking, and The Power of Pivots: 👉 https://necojohnson.com/ And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And when the rank comes off, the leader you became does not have to disappear with it. #Identity #TheFirstSilentWar #NecoJohnson #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Leadership #AuthenticLeadership #ThePowerOfPivots #ChiefMasterSergeant #PersonalGrowth #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  3. 26 Aug ·  Video

    What Makes Tomorrow Matter? | Mission — The 2nd Silent War | Marcus Weiss

    Send us Fan Mail When was the last time you genuinely couldn’t wait for tomorrow? For many veterans, leaders, parents, and high performers, there comes a point when life starts feeling more like routine than anticipation. The career changes. The kids grow up. The old mission ends. The days keep moving—but the question quietly becomes: What am I actually looking forward to now? In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with his friend Marcus Weiss—actor, director, producer, Joy Empowerment Coach, performer, and Dual Elite Certified Neuroencoding Specialist whose career has included Blue Man Group and Cirque du Soleil. Marcus also shares a much more personal part of his story. Growing up in Switzerland on welfare and later experiencing depression in college, he found safety, expression, and eventually purpose through performance. Theater became what he describes as a kind of cocoon—a place where he could explore emotion, rewrite the script, connect with others, and rediscover what it felt like to be alive. Together, Mike and Marcus explore Mission — The 2nd Silent War through a question that goes deeper than simply asking, “What should I do next?” What makes you want to experience the next moment? Marcus explains that looking forward to tomorrow is not necessarily determined by what is happening outside of us. The future is uncertain. What shapes our experience of it is often the meaning we attach to what we imagine is coming. “I have to go to work tomorrow” and “I’m going to work tomorrow” describe the same event—but they can create completely different internal experiences. Marcus introduces what he calls a “lily pad” between I have to and I get to. If gratitude or excitement feels too far away, you do not have to force yourself there. Start smaller. Remove the judgment. Acknowledge what you are doing. Then begin intentionally recognizing and celebrating the moments when you show up. The goal is not fake positivity. It is building the ability to create more moments of aliveness, gratitude, meaning, and anticipation—one small, consistent step at a time. This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars: Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I living for now?” Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I beneath the roles and masks I’ve learned to wear?” Self-Worth — The 6th Silent War: “Can I recognize that I am worthy before I accomplish something for someone else?” Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What is pulling me toward tomorrow instead of keeping me anchored to yesterday?” Emotional Armor — The 7th Silent War: “What happens when I allow myself to be vulnerable and let people see who I really am?” One of the most powerful parts of the conversation comes when Mike asks how veterans can accept that their next mission may be quieter and more personal than the mission they once knew. Marcus compares it to putting a toe into still water. The ripple may begin small, but it still travels. A quieter mission is not necessarily a lesser mission. And Marcus makes an important point: the mission has to begin with you. You cannot show up for the people around you if you never learn to show up for yourself. He also challenges the idea that you need one massive life purpose before you can begin moving forward. Start with what already creates a spark. Notice a moment that feels good. Acknowledge that you helped create it. Celebrate it. Repeat it. Over time, those small moments can help reveal something larger: Your why. Not something you are running away from—but something meaningful enough to pull you forward. Because forward includes tomorrow. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why having an okay life is different from having something you genuinely look forward to  How the meaning you attach to tomorrow shapes how you experience it today  Marcus’s “lily pad” between “I have to” and “I get to” Why forced positivity is not the answer  How small, consistent actions help build emotional momentum  Why acknowledging and celebrating progress matters  How to recognize when something in your life feels out of alignment  Why your next mission does not have to be loud or enormous to matter  How self-worth and mission are connected  Why finding something that pulls you forward can make tomorrow matter again If something in this conversation made you stop, think, or feel something—don’t immediately move on. Ask yourself: What am I looking forward to? And if you don’t have an answer yet, start smaller: What is one thing I could put back into my life that makes me feel more alive? Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and exploring more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality To connect with Marcus, search The Marcus Weiss Experience on Instagram, Marcus Weiss on LinkedIn, or Marcus Jacob Weiss on Facebook. And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And sometimes finding your next mission begins with finding one reason you want tomorrow to come. #Mission #TheSecondSilentWar #MarcusWeiss #Purpose #Joy #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Direction #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #Neuroencoding #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  4. 25 Aug ·  Video

    What’s Worth Chasing Now? | Mission — The 2nd Silent War | Tony Medrano

    Send us Fan Mail What are you chasing now? For veterans and high performers, finishing one mission can create an uncomfortable question: What’s next? Another challenge can keep us moving. Another title can keep us busy. Another goal can give us something to pursue. But movement is not always purpose. In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Tony Medrano, a former U.S. Navy Surface Warfare Officer who served aboard a guided missile destroyer, went on to Stanford Business School and Law School, built a career as a technology entrepreneur, completed three full Ironman triathlons, and today serves as CEO and co-founder of Longevity Plan AI. Together, Mike and Tony explore Mission — The 2nd Silent War and what happens when the mission that once gave your life structure, meaning, and direction is gone. Tony shares what it was like leaving a military environment where the objective was clear and entering Silicon Valley, where profit, competition, and individual ambition often replaced the teamwork and shared purpose he had known in the Navy. That transition eventually raised a deeper question: Was he pursuing meaningful work—or had he simply become good at chasing the next difficult thing? Tony talks openly about periods in his entrepreneurial career when the work lacked purpose, companies that failed, losing everything in an early AI venture, a military knee injury that followed him for decades, and being hit by a car just weeks before his first Ironman. Rather than allowing those setbacks to become the end of the story, he repeatedly used them to reconsider what was worth pursuing next. Today, Tony says he is working harder than ever—but is also happier because his work is connected to something he genuinely cares about: helping other people improve their health, recovery, and performance. This conversation connects directly to several of The 10 Silent Wars: Mission — The 2nd Silent War: “What am I working toward now—and is it actually meaningful to me?”Direction — The 8th Silent War: “What comes after the mission I already completed?”Identity — The 1st Silent War: “Who am I when the role that once defined me changes?”Control — The 4th Silent War: “How do I respond when life does not go according to plan?”Legacy — The 10th Silent War: “Am I simply achieving more, or am I building something that helps other people?”Tony and Mike also dive into endurance, recovery, health, artificial intelligence, peptides, GLP-1 medications, and the growing role technology may play in helping people better understand their individual health and performance goals. Tony shares his personal experiences and perspectives while emphasizing something important: health decisions should not be driven by hype. Research, individual circumstances, and qualified medical guidance matter. But underneath all of it is a much bigger conversation about mission. Because you can be disciplined. You can be successful. You can accomplish difficult things. And still wake up wondering whether any of it actually matters to you. In this episode, you’ll learn: Why losing the structure of military service can make civilian purpose difficult to defineHow Tony translated military leadership and teamwork into entrepreneurshipThe difference between staying busy and having a meaningful missionWhy setbacks can become turning points instead of endpointsHow Tony approached completing an Ironman after a serious injuryWhy purpose can fundamentally change the way work feelsTony’s perspective on peptides, GLP-1s, recovery, and longevityWhy research and professional medical guidance matter when exploring health interventionsHow AI may help personalize health, recovery, and performance decisionsThe question every veteran and high performer should ask before chasing the next goalIf something in this conversation resonated with you, don’t immediately move on to the next thing. Ask yourself: What am I chasing now—and is it truly worth chasing? Start by connecting with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community and explore more conversations around The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversations and subscribe to the Your Thoughts, Your Reality YouTube channel: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality To follow Tony Medrano and his work with Longevity Plan AI, search Tony Medrano on LinkedIn or LongevityPlan.AI. And when you’re ready to go deeper and create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And sometimes the next mission isn’t about proving what you can do—it’s deciding what is truly worth doing next. #Mission #TheSecondSilentWar #MilitaryTransition #Veterans #Purpose #TonyMedrano #Ironman #Entrepreneurship #Longevity #HumanPerformance #Leadership #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  5. 31 Jul ·  Video

    What Are You Leaving? The Silent War of Legacy with Nancy Jones

    Send us Fan Mail What do you want your life to stand for? Not someday.  Not only after you are gone.  But through the way you choose to live right now. In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Nancy Jones, a coach, speaker, leadership mentor, and Dual Elite Certified Neuroencoding Specialist with decades of experience in education, leadership development, and personal transformation. As the mother of two sons who have served as first responders—one as a wildland firefighter and the other as a police officer—Nancy understands that legacy is deeply personal. It is shaped through the example we set, the values we live, and the impact our daily choices have on the people watching us. Together, Mike and Nancy explore The Tenth Silent War: Legacy. Nancy shares a powerful idea from her leadership work: legacy is not simply something you leave behind—it is something you live. Every decision, interaction, belief, and action contributes to the story others experience through you. This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including: Legacy — “What am I building through the way I live today?” Mission — “What am I called to contribute?” Self-Worth — “Do I believe my life and purpose matter?” Identity — “Am I living authentically and in alignment with my values?” Fear — “Is rejection keeping me from becoming who I am meant to be?” Mike and Nancy discuss how leadership is demonstrated through integrity, authenticity, transparency, and whether your actions match the message you share. People are always learning from what leaders model—not only through what they say, but through how they show up when no one is applauding. Nancy also explains how childhood environments, role models, experiences, and repeated emotional patterns can shape the subconscious beliefs that influence how we lead, love, communicate, and make decisions. She describes several tools she uses in her work, including Neuroencoding, brain-health education, Body Code practices, hypnosis, and neuro-linguistic programming. Nancy explains how hypnosis can help people enter a relaxed, focused state where they can examine old patterns, release limiting beliefs, and begin creating a different internal story. One of the most common beliefs she encounters is: “I am not worthy.” That belief—along with the fear of rejection—can quietly prevent people from living with purpose, receiving support, pursuing meaningful work, or believing they are capable of creating something that matters. The first step toward change is awareness. Notice the thought.  Examine it without judgment.  Ask whether it is true.  Then ask whether it is absolutely true—and what evidence actually supports it. From there, you can decide whether that belief still aligns with the person you are becoming and the legacy you want to live. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why legacy is something you live rather than something you leave  How daily choices shape the impact you have on other people  Why integrity and authenticity matter in leadership  How subconscious beliefs influence behavior, relationships, and decisions  Why worthiness and fear of rejection are common emotional barriers  How sensory experiences can activate powerful memories and emotions  Why awareness must come before meaningful transformation  How to question beliefs that no longer support your purpose  One simple action you can take today to begin living your legacy intentionally Take five quiet minutes today and ask yourself: What am I being called to do—and does the way I am living reflect that calling? Write down what you notice. You do not need to have the entire plan. You only need to become willing to listen and take the next intentional step. Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality And when you are ready to create meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ To connect with Nancy Jones or inquire about her coaching and speaking: 👉 crossroadscoaching11@gmail.com 👉 https://johncmaxwellgroup.com/NancyJones Because your thoughts shape your reality… And your legacy is being written through the way you choose to live today. #Legacy #Purpose #Leadership #LimitingBeliefs #SelfWorth #Identity #Mindset #PersonalGrowth #FirstResponders #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  6. 31 Jul ·  Video

    Who Decides Your Worth? The Silent War of Self-Worth with Dominika Staniewicz

    Send us Fan Mail Who gets to decide what you are worth? For many veterans, leaders, and high performers, value becomes connected to results, recognition, productivity, and being the person everyone depends on. But when the role changes, the achievement loses its meaning, or success stops feeling fulfilling, a deeper question emerges: Do I still know my value when I am not proving it? In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Dominika Staniewicz—also known as Coach D—a leadership coach, speaker, Neuroencoding specialist, and ICF-certified coach who helps leaders strengthen self-awareness, confidence, personal alignment, and authentic decision-making. Together, Mike and Dominika explore The Sixth Silent War: Self-Worth. They examine why so many capable people confuse being valuable with being useful, productive, needed, or externally successful. Dominika shares how even personal development, education, and professional certifications can become another way to seek approval when the motivation underneath them is proving that we are enough. The real question is not simply what you are accomplishing. It is why you are pursuing it. Are you learning because it helps you serve more effectively—or because you hope another title will finally make you feel worthy? This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including: Self-Worth — “Do I know my value without constantly proving it?” Identity — “Who am I beneath my accomplishments, roles, and credentials?” Fear — “Am I making decisions from alignment or fear of rejection?” Control — “Am I leading with clarity, or trying to control everything to feel secure?” Mission — “Does my definition of success support the life I actually want?” Mike and Dominika also discuss why people often adopt definitions of success that do not truly belong to them. Publicly, success may be described through money, houses, cars, status, and recognition. Privately, many people define it through family, meaningful work, freedom, peace, health, and time with the people they love. When your public identity and private values do not match, the distance between them can quietly erode confidence and fulfillment. Dominika explains how unstable self-worth can also affect leadership. When leaders feel they must continuously prove themselves, they may become defensive, reactive, controlling, or overly focused on performance. By contrast, grounded leaders can ask for help, hear different perspectives, admit mistakes, and allow others to contribute their strengths. The conversation also explores fluid leadership—the idea that leadership can shift within a team based on who has the strongest skills for the task at hand. When people are trusted to make decisions and contribute meaningfully, they feel seen, valued, and connected to the outcome. This episode is not about abandoning ambition. It is about defining achievement on your own terms, giving yourself grace when you fall short, and remembering that your worth does not disappear when the outcome is imperfect. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why productivity, usefulness, and achievement are not the same as self-worth  How to recognize whether growth is driven by service or outside validation  Why your definition of success should reflect your values and current season of life  How unstable self-worth can affect leadership, criticism, and decision-making  Why asking for help strengthens both individuals and teams  How grace and gratitude help separate worth from perfect performance  Why keeping promises to yourself builds trust in who you are  Simple evening practices that reinforce confidence and personal alignment  How celebrating progress helps your brain recognize the identity you are building Before going to bed, Dominika recommends identifying two things you did well, remembering where you showed up in alignment with your values, and celebrating the moments when you kept your word to yourself. Your brain needs evidence of who you are becoming. Give it evidence that you are honest, capable, resilient, and worthy—not because everything went perfectly, but because you continued to show up. Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality Learn more about Dominika Staniewicz, her coaching, speaking, and leadership work: 👉 https://yourbraincoachd.com/ 👉 https://dominikastaniewicz.com/ And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And your worth was never meant to be decided by the title, achievement, or approval of someone else. #SelfWorth #WhoDecidesYourWorth #DominikaStaniewicz #Leadership #Identity #AuthenticLeadership #PersonalGrowth #HighPerformers #Veterans #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  7. 24 Jul ·  Video

    Take Control Back: Trauma, TMS, and the Fourth Silent War with Michelle Strigotte

    Send us Fan Mail Have you ever felt like life was happening to you instead of for you? For many veterans, first responders, and families, trauma does not remain in the past. It can change how the present feels—leaving someone anxious, disconnected, constantly on guard, or determined to control everything around them just to feel safe. In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Michelle Strigotte, a licensed professional counselor and founder of Serene Integrative Services in Post Falls, Idaho. Michelle grew up with an Army veteran who served in Vietnam and lived with severe PTSD. Witnessing how trauma can keep someone trapped in survival mode helped shape her commitment to whole-person mental health care for veterans, first responders, and people experiencing PTSD, depression, anxiety, and trauma. Together, Mike and Michelle explore The Fourth Silent War: Control. They discuss why the need for control is not always stubbornness or a personality flaw. For someone who has experienced trauma, controlling the environment can become a protective response—an attempt to prevent being hurt, surprised, or caught off guard again. The problem begins when the response that once helped someone survive starts making it difficult to rest, connect, trust, or feel safe in the present. This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including: Control — “Why does life feel chaotic, and what can I truly influence?” Emotional Armor — “What protected me then but keeps me disconnected now?” Connection — “How is what I am carrying affecting the people closest to me?” Identity — “Am I defined by what happened to me or by how I move forward?” Trust — “Can I believe that receiving support is safe?” Michelle also explains transcranial magnetic stimulation, commonly called TMS—a noninvasive prescription treatment that uses targeted magnetic pulses to stimulate areas of the brain involved in mood regulation. She discusses how the treatment is administered, why every person requires an individualized medical and psychiatric evaluation, and why TMS should be viewed as one part of a broader healing process rather than a cure or replacement for appropriate professional care. Mike and Michelle also explore the importance of therapy, nervous-system regulation, self-awareness, sleep, relationships, physical health, personal values, faith, and daily choices. Michelle shares what it means to treat the whole person instead of reducing someone to a diagnosis or symptom score. Most importantly, this episode challenges the belief that strength means suffering alone. Receiving help is not surrender. It is a courageous decision to stop allowing past danger to control the rest of your life. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why trauma can create an intense need for control  How survival responses can continue after the danger has passed  Why PTSD, anxiety, and depression are not signs of weakness  What holistic, whole-person mental health care can include  What TMS is and how it is administered  Why individualized professional evaluation remains essential  How healing can positively affect spouses, children, and relationships  Why asking for help may be one of the strongest actions you can take  One immediate step you can take when you feel exhausted or overwhelmed If something in this conversation resonated with you, do not immediately move on to the next thing. Pause and ask yourself why it affected you. Then choose one point of connection. Tell someone you trust that you are exhausted, overwhelmed, or need help taking the next step. Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality Learn more about Michelle and Serene Integrative Services: 👉 https://sereneintegrative.org/ And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And taking control back does not mean controlling everything—it means choosing the next courageous step you can take today. #Control #TraumaRecovery #PTSD #TMS #MentalHealth #Veterans #FirstResponders #EmotionalArmor #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

  8. 23 Jul ·  Video

    What Is Really Stopping You? Fear, Autopilot, and the Ninth Silent War with Lauri Clontz

    Send us Fan Mail What is really stopping you from moving forward? For veterans, leaders, and high performers, fear does not always look like fear. Sometimes it looks like anger, avoidance, perfectionism, isolation, overworking, or shutting down before life has the chance to hurt us again. In this episode of Your Thoughts, Your Reality, Michael Cole sits down with Lauri Clontz, founder of Start Driving Your Destiny, a transformational movement helping people stop living on autopilot and begin creating their lives with greater clarity, confidence, and purpose. After spending approximately 24 years climbing the corporate ladder, Lauri appeared highly successful from the outside. She led international teams, became the person everyone depended on, and built a reputation for always getting the job done. Underneath that performance, however, was a quieter battle driven by fear, perfectionism, self-doubt, and the belief that she always had to prove she was enough. Together, Mike and Lauri explore The Ninth Silent War: Fear. Lauri explains how fear can disguise itself as responsibility, excellence, productivity, or control. She shares how her need to perform kept her working 12- to 14-hour days, isolated her from the people she loved, and ultimately cost her one of the most important moments of her life: being present during her father’s final moments. That painful realization forced her to confront a difficult question: What are you working so hard for if the life you are building keeps taking you away from what matters most? This conversation directly connects to several of The 10 Silent Wars, including: Fear — “What am I avoiding, and what is really driving my behavior?” Self-Worth — “Why do I believe I must constantly perform to prove I am enough?” Control — “Am I intentionally directing my life, or reacting from old patterns?” Direction — “Is the way I am living taking me where I truly want to go?” Identity — “Who am I beneath the perfectionism, productivity, and expectations?” Lauri also explains how the brain develops protective patterns during pressure, rejection, trauma, and repeated stress. Those patterns may have helped us survive an earlier season of life, but they can eventually keep us trapped in automatic reactions that no longer serve who we are becoming. The answer is not to shame yourself for those patterns. It is to recognize them, name what is driving them, separate them from your identity, and begin choosing a different direction—one small action at a time. In this episode, you’ll learn:  Why fear often appears as perfectionism, anger, avoidance, or overperformance  How old survival patterns can quietly take control of your daily decisions  The warning signs that you may be living on autopilot  Why productivity does not always mean you are making meaningful progress  How to identify what is truly driving your behavior  Why small, imperfect actions can create lasting momentum  How celebration helps reinforce healthier patterns and choices  The first step you can take today to begin reclaiming control of your life Start by connecting more deeply with the Your Thoughts, Your Reality community: 👉 https://yourthoughtsyourreality.com/ Watch the full conversation and subscribe to the YouTube channel for more discussions about The 10 Silent Wars: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/@YourThoughtsYourReality To connect with Lauri and learn more about her work, search Start Driving Your Destiny on Instagram and Facebook, or search Lauri Clontz on Facebook and LinkedIn. And when you are ready to take the next step toward meaningful change in your mindset, identity, and direction: 👉 https://empowerperformancestrategies.com/ Because your thoughts shape your reality… And once you recognize what has been driving you, you can take back the keys and choose where your life goes next. #Fear #StartDrivingYourDestiny #LauriClontz #Perfectionism #Autopilot #SelfWorth #Direction #PersonalGrowth #Veterans #HighPerformers #The10SilentWars #YourThoughtsYourReality Explore more episodes, resources, and updates from Mike Cole at: https://YourThoughtsYourReality.com If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to the podcast so you don’t miss future conversations on leadership, mindset, and navigating life after service. Support the show

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About

Welcome to "Your Thoughts, Your Reality with Mike Cole," the podcast that shines a compassionate light on the journey of veterans battling through life's challenges. Michael Cole, a Certified Elite Neuroencoding Specialist, dedicated to guiding military veterans as they navigate the intricate pathways of post-deployment life. Join him as we delve into the profound realm of Neuroencoding science, empowering these brave individuals to conquer universal battles: procrastination, self-doubt, fear, and more. Together, let's uncover the strength within you to re-engage with families and society, forging a new path forward. 

Information

  • Creator
    Mike Cole
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2026
  • Episodes
    153
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Your Thoughts Your Reality
  • Show Website
    Your Thoughts Your Reality

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