Dear Shandy Sharleen Joynt & Andy Levine

It's Q&A time! We're back, answering YOUR burning questions! You met your boyfriend shortly after getting laid off—with a new job lined up, is it morally wrong to never tell him about the layoff? If you're single and sharing an Airbnb with couples and even some families, should you pay the same amount for a room in the rental, even if there's only one of you? If your friend unexpectedly invites her boyfriend on your planned girls trip, are you the a-hole if you pull out? And finally, what to do if you simply *dislike* your best friend's fiancé?? Where does Shandy stand on unintentional door slamming? Come join us in our living room for the Shandy take!


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Time Stamps:
0:00 - Introduction
0:53 - Q1: If I Have New Job, Is It Morally Wrong Not To Tell My Boyfriend I Got Laid Off From My Previous Job?
6:22 - Q2: I’m The Single Friend In A Large Trip Of Couples And Their Kids—Am I Being Unreasonable About This Airbnb Split?
14:21 - Q3: My Friend Added Her Boyfriend To Our Girls Trip—AITA For Wanting To Pull Out?
30:53 - Q4: My Boyfriend Bailed On Driving Me To My Hometown & I Had To Pay $$$ For A Flight Instead—AITA For Wanting Him To Help Cover The Cost?
46:07 - Q5: My Best Friend’s Fiancé Is Just “OK”—How Do I Get Over The Fact That She Deserves Better?


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com

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Sharleen Joynt - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt
Andy Levine - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine

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Attachment Styles are at the core of SO many relationship dynamics yet so few of us know much beyond "secure", "anxious", and "avoidant". Isn't it about time we learned WHY we behave the way we do so we can learn how to stop getting in our own way?


We're thrilled today to be joined by Eli Harwood, aka  @attachmentnerd , therapist, author, and attachment theory expert! Eli has amassed a massive following on Instagram with her attachment expertise and analysis. She is the author of "Securely Attached: Transform Your Attachment Patterns Into Loving, Lasting Romantic Relationships" and the upcoming "Raising Securely Attached Kids: Using Connection-Focused Parenting To Create Confidence, Empathy, and Resilience", so we could not be in better hands!


Today Eli breaks down those famed Attachment Patterns (spoiler alert: there's WAY more to this than secure, anxious, and avoidant!) and how and why we as adults behave the way we do in our relationships. (As Andy puts it at one point, Attachment is "EVERYTHING"!) We learn how much of a role gender plays, why some of us are different in platonic vs romantic relationships, and how much is nature vs nurture. There are also parenting questions for our caregiver Shandies out there! Shandy also gets personal with their own experiences that have shaped their own attachment patterns. Finally, the big question: HOW DO WE HEAL? Eli has the answers you've been waiting for and manages to deliver them in the most relatable and easy-to-understand way. As Shandy puts it, you just might see your childhood flash before your eyes! Listen on for a masterclass in YOURSELF. 🤯


Thank you to our sponsors!
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More Eli Harwood, Aka Attachment Nerd:
- Books: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/series/0DV/attachment-nerd/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd
- TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@attachmentnerd
- Website: https://attachmentnerd.com


Time Stamps:
0:00 - Welcome To Eli Harwood, Aka @AttachmentNerd!
3:20 - What Is Attachment Theory?
6:21 - Can I Have More Than One Attachment Style?
9:48 - Attachment Pattern Breakdown
20:38 - Are Our Attachment Styles Set In Stone?
22:43 - Where Or How Do We Heal These Wounds?
26:32 - More Attachment Pattern Breakdown
31:39 - Can I Have BOTH Polar Opposite Attachment Styles?
34:21 - Does The Caregiver’s Gender Matter?
34:31 - How Much Is Nurture Vs Nature?
36:47 - Is There A Connection Between Which Caregiver And Which Type Of Adult Relationship (Eg. Romantic Vs Platonic) ?
38:38 - Shandy Asks Questions For “Friends”
43:23 - Where Does Attachment Rank In Terms Of Difficulty To Change?
45:53 - Is Finding Your “People” A Form Of Healing?
46:28 - Does The Anxious-Avoidant Romantic Dynamic Ever Work? At What Point Is It Not “Worth It”?
57:51 - Tips For Anxious Types When They Spiral In The Wrong Direction
1:02:44 - How To Know If A Child Is Securely Attached
1:04:56 - How Self Aware Is The Parent Who Even Asks These Questions?
1:07:24 - Is Your Grief As Bad As You Think It Is?
1:07:43 - 4 Steps For Raising Securely Attached Kids
1:11:00 - Andy Plays Devil’s Advocate
1:15:36 - What If Your Child Is Behaving Inappropriately?
1:19:39 - Shandy Debrief


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com
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It's Q&A time! We're back, answering YOUR burning questions! Is marriage necessary, or even at all what it's cracked up to be? If your partner struggles in the friendship department, how can you help? How should you respond to a question you hate being asked? And finally, an epic Am-I-The-Asshole question! Where does Shandy stand on unintentional door slamming? Come join us in our living room for the Shandy take!


Thanks to our sponsors!
- Go to https://jennikayne.com and use code DEARSHANDY to get 15% off your first order!
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Time Stamps:
0:00 - Introduction
1:40 - Q1: To Marry Or Not To Marry?
9:11 - Q2: I Feel Weird Contributing To My Friend’s “Honey Fund” As A Wedding Gift—Thoughts?
18:06 - Q3: Strangers Constantly Ask Me A Question I Hate—How Should I Respond?
31:58 - Q4: My Fiancé Has No Friends—How Can I Help Him?
48:45 - Q5: Am I The Asshole—Door Slamming Edition


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com

Subscribe and watch the episodes on YouTube! https://bit.ly/SubscribeDearShandy

Follow us!
Dear Shandy - https://www.instagram.com/dearshandy
Sharleen Joynt - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt
Andy Levine - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy


Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations
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Caller sessions are BACK, baby! This is our SECOND Caller episode of 2024 (!) and we're thrilled we're joined by a lovely (and lively!) caller named Erin. Erin, whose relationship began with beautifully romantic gesture. However, 2+ months in, there are still kinks that need ironing. Erin is quick to defend her boyfriend, but when are excuses just... excuses? Listen on for the Shandy take!


Thanks to our sponsors!
- Go to https://www.lomi.com/SHANDY and use promo code SHANDY at checkout to save $50!
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Time Stamps:
0:00 - Welcome To Caller Erin!
42:39 - Shandy Debrief


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com


Subscribe - https://bit.ly/SubscribeDearShandy
Listen on iTunes - https://bit.ly/DearShandyiTunes

More Dear Shandy
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dearshandy
Facebook - https://fb.me/dearshandy

More Sharleen
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt
Blog - http://www.alltheprettypandas.com

More Andy
Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine

Produced by Gabrielle Galon - https://www.instagram.com/gabsamillion
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This episode is a surprise all around because Shandy had absolutely zero intention of recapping their experience officiating their friends' wedding. However, on Instagram you requested this with a fiery passion that couldn't be ignored! So today is all about Shandy as WEDDING OFFICIANTS!

As you may know, on Saturday April 26th, 2024, Shandy officiated the wedding of Nick Viall and Natalie Joy, their longtime friends. This episode will contain reflections on the experience, tips (and regrets!) for those planning their own weddings/officiant speeches, unexpected moments, and overall takeaways! Listen on for this unique Dear Shandy episode!


Thanks to our sponsors!
- Go to https://www.FastGrowingTrees.com and use code SHANDY at checkout for an additional 15% off!
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0:00 - Introduction
2:37 - How/When Did Nick & Natalie Ask You To Be Officiants?
5:58 - How Did You Make The Decision To Officiate As A Couple?
6:10 - Was One Of You The “Official” Officiant?
8:13 - Would You Have Accepted For Any Couple In Your Life Or Only A “Special” Couple?
9:05 - How Did You Prepare?
11:27 - What Sort Of Planning Did You Do With The Couple?
14:50 - Humor
17:20 - How Much Did You Share With The Couple Beforehand?
17:43 - Have Either Of You Ever Officiated A Wedding Before?
17:47 - Since You’ve Known Nick Longer Was It Difficult To Make It Feel Equally Personal For Natalie?
18:59 - Were You Nervous? Who Was More Nervous?
22:55 - Overall Tips/Regrets
25:31 - Did It Make You Nostalgic For Your Own Wedding?
28:58 - Do You Feel More Responsible To Stay Together Now?
29:38 - Can Shandy Officiate My Wedding?
30:40 - How Did You Enter The Ceremony?
30:58 - The Couple’s Vows
31:07 - Unexpected Moment
33:05 - Was The Baby A Part Of The Ceremony?
33:23 - Did Nick Cry?
34:08 - Did You Cry?
35:06 - How Are You Friends With Nick?
38:28 - Did You Ride The Mechanical Bull?
39:09 - Was There Anyone Who Made You Starstruck?
40:22 - Did They Tell You What To Wear?
40:47 - Sharleen’s Looks
44:04 - Did You Bring Ruby?
44:50 - People Article Misspellings
46:44 - What Was Your Favorite Things About Savannah?
48:02 - Overall Thoughts


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com

Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations

Subscribe and watch the episodes on YouTube! https://bit.ly/SubscribeDearShandy

Follow us!
Dear Shandy - https://www.instagram.com/dearshandy
Sharleen Joynt - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt
Andy Levine - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy


Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's Q&A time! We're back, answering YOUR burning questions! If you have a tumultuous relationship history, is "boring" maybe a good thing? If you feel yourself becoming resentful in your relationship because your sacrifices outnumber your partner's, what to do? And not one, not two, but THREE heavy-hitting platonic friendship questions! What does Shandy consider a "friendship-reconsidering" level crime? Come join us in our living room for the Shandy take!


Thanks to our sponsors!
- Go to https://www.FastGrowingTrees.com and use code SHANDY at checkout for an additional 15% off!
- Go to https://www.zocdoc.com/SHANDY and download the ZocDoc app for FREE!
- Go to https://www.earthbreeze.com/SHANDY for 40% off!
- Go to https://quince.com/shandy for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns!
- Go to https://www.apostrophe.com/SHANDY and use our code SHANDY to get your first visit for only five dollars!

Time Stamps:
0:00 - Q1: Does Healthy = Boring?
10:35 - Q2: My Friend Accused Me Of “Bitching & Complaining” And Our Friendship Is Suddenly Over—What Happened?!
23:50 - Q3: My Friend Moved Out Of Town And Now Zoom-Joins Our In-Person Hangs—Am I The Asshole For Disliking This?
33:46 - Q4: Should I Let My Friend’s Outrageous Wedding Request Make Me See Her Differently?
46:03 - Q5: I’ve Sacrificed More For This Relationship Than My Boyfriend Has And Am Feeling Resentful—Help!


If you have a relationship question, write us at: dearshandy@gmail.com

Subscribe and watch the episodes on YouTube! https://bit.ly/SubscribeDearShandy

Follow us!
Dear Shandy - https://www.instagram.com/dearshandy
Sharleen Joynt - https://www.instagram.com/sharleenjoynt
Andy Levine - https://www.instagram.com/machinelevine

Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy


Support this podcast at — https://redcircle.com/dear-shandy/donations
Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices