Lights On with Carl Lentz

B-Side

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

  1. 2 DAYS AGO

    Mental Obesity: Stop Filling Your Mind With Things You Don't Need

    In this urgent wake-up call, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the silent epidemic destroying modern life: consumption addiction. Drawing from their own dramatic reconstruction after public crisis and counseling countless people stuck in endless scrolling, they reveal why being the last to know current events is actually a power move, how "mental obesity" is filling your mind with garbage you don't need, and why your brain's unemployment is forcing it to find the worst possible jobs. Carl shares why he lost an hour to a Nicholas Cage conspiracy theory and immediately knew something was wrong, while Laura opens up about blocking all consumption just to survive her darkest season. They break down the brutal truth: if you're busy consuming, you're avoiding creating your actual life. From couples escaping each other through ESPN and Pinterest to parents teaching their kids that presence means distraction, this episode exposes why creation is the only path to peace. They reveal the frame that changed everything: remove 30% of what you consume and watch your life transform. Whether you're a Karen policing hiking trails because you have nothing else going on, a virtue signaler who cares about issues for exactly one post, or someone comparing your life to people you don't even like, this conversation reveals why that phone in your hand might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural addiction to having opinions on everything and may trigger those who've built their entire identity on commentary instead of creation. ---- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ ---- CHAPTERS: 00:00 - The Quiet Revolution: Creation Over Consumption 01:42 - Why We're Always the Last to Know 03:04 - Mental Obesity Is Real 04:45 - Give Your Brain a Job or It Finds the Worst One 08:01 - Sobriety Isn't the Goal, Building Life Is 10:44 - Why Successful People Never Know What's Happening 13:19 - The Orchestra Story: Build Something Undeniable 15:01 - When Your Hands Are Free, Your Mind Fills It 18:29 - 77% of You Are Consuming Passively 21:08 - Identity Shift: Stop Being Who You Observe 24:57 - The IKEA Effect and Creation Reward 27:52 - Three Signs You're Over-Consuming 31:43 - Nobody Doing Better Than You Will Hate You 34:45 - Create Before You Consume Rule 37:27 - The Parent Phone Problem 40:03 - Collaborate With Your Spouse on Something Creative 42:43 - Carl's Rehab Painting Breakdown See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    46 min

  2. 24 SEPT

    Why Most People Can’t Heal After Betrayal (And How To Change That)

    In this crucial episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz provide a survival guide for women navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Drawing from their reconstruction journey and counseling hundreds of couples, they reveal the six essential steps every betrayed spouse needs to take immediately after discovering infidelity. Laura shares her own early choices - from refusing to weaponize shame despite having every right to, to her intensive identity work at OnSite that revealed she'd lost herself long before the affair. They expose the dangerous trap of trying to police your spouse's recovery while ignoring your own healing, why poorly trained therapists can do more harm than good, and the power move of creating firm boundaries with real consequences. From why separation isn't punishment but protection for your nervous system, to the surprising statistic that shame-based communication cuts reconciliation rates by 50%, this episode is required listening for any woman asking "What now?" after betrayal. Whether you're deciding to stay or go, these six steps ensure you're making that choice from strength, not trauma. Warning: This episode challenges the common advice to "just forgive and move on" and may trigger those invested in remaining victims of their circumstances. ---- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ ---- Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ ---- CHAPTERS: 00:00 - What Every Betrayed Woman Needs To Know 01:10 - Our Email: hello@carlandlaura.com 03:12 - What She CAN'T Do (Stop Being A Shame Dealer) 05:22 - "Shame Corrodes The Part That Believes We Can Change" 08:06 - Why Shame Cuts Recovery Success By 50% 09:56 - Step 1: Get The RIGHT Therapist (Not All Are Equal) 11:12 - Warning: Bad Therapists Can Make Things Worse 16:45 - God Behind Bars Partnership 17:23 - Step 2: Create Separation For Your Nervous System 19:30 - "Safety Must Precede Intimacy" 22:51 - Step 3: Clear Expectations & Boundaries 27:26 - Step 4: Be Firm On Consequences 33:22 - Step 5: Invite Trusted Eyes & Ears 38:21 - Plana.org Partnership 38:59 - Step 6: Work On Yourself (The Game-Changer) 39:52 - "The Betrayed Partner Rebuilds Identity" 42:30 - Your Action Plan: Tangible Next Steps See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    46 min

  3. 18 SEPT

    The Only Way to Win Back Your Wife After Breaking Her Trust

    In this raw and essential episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz delivers the uncomfortable truths every man needs to hear after betraying his marriage. Drawing from his own journey through infidelity and the reconstruction of his marriage with Laura, Carl breaks down the exact roadmap that works - and exposes what doesn't. From why you should embrace lie detector tests to the power of having zero secrets, zero private conversations, and zero contact with anyone who threatens your marriage, this episode is a masterclass in accountability. Carl reveals why forgiveness took Laura three years to give (and why he didn't need it to do the work), the 24-hour grace period they instituted for catching lies, and why your response to her triggers determines everything. He shares the canned response that saved him: "I hear you, I'm sorry, I'm not going anywhere." Whether you're dealing with a full disclosure, learning patience proportional to your years of deception, or understanding why "water under the bridge" is permanently off limits, this episode provides the blueprint for men serious about redemption. Warning: This episode will challenge men who want reconciliation without radical transparency and may trigger those still hiding behind privacy in marriage. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/  Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ Chapters: 00:00 - Intro 00:49 - The Question Every Betrayer Asks 03:18 - What You CAN'T Do (Force, Heal, Convince) 05:44 - You're Not Looking For Forgiveness 08:01 - Laura: "It Took Me 3 Years To Forgive" 09:32 - The Full Disclosure Requirement 12:39 - Step 1: Be Honest About Everything 16:39 - The 24-Hour Grace Period For Lies 19:03 - Step 2: Zero Contact With The Qualifier 22:54 - God Behind Bars Partnership 28:41 - Step 3: No Private Conversations Ever 32:39 - Step 4: Patience With The Past (18-36 Months) 36:27 - Step 5: Extreme Grace When She's Triggered 39:55 - "I Hear You, I'm Sorry, I'm Not Going Anywhere" 42:07 - Plana.org Partnership 42:52 - Step 6: Live With Zero Secrets 49:27 - Why Lie Detectors Are Your Friend See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    56 min

  4. 10 SEPT

    The One Sacrifice That Saved Our Marriage After Infidelity

    In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the one factor sabotaging most couples' healing from infidelity: alcohol. Drawing from their own reconstruction journey and counseling countless couples through betrayal, they reveal why drinking delays recovery, blocks the exact brain functions needed to rebuild trust, and turns an already burning house into an inferno. Carl shares why he hasn't had a drink in over 2 years after realizing alcohol was filling the same void his addictions once did, while Laura opens up about how drinking amplified her triggers and suspicions. They break down the science: how alcohol reduces frontal lobe function (killing empathy and self-control), activates fight mode in your amygdala (making everything a threat), and blocks oxytocin (the bonding hormone you desperately need). From couples throwing punches after two drinks to the betrayed spouse pouring gasoline on their own fire, this episode exposes why any couple keeping alcohol in the picture struggles significantly more. Whether you're the betrayer numbing guilt or the betrayed drowning pain, this conversation reveals why that glass of wine might be the very thing keeping you stuck. Warning: This episode challenges the cultural norm that alcohol helps you "loosen up" and may trigger those committed to avoiding the real work of healing. ---- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ ---- Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ ---- CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Why Alcohol Makes Healing Impossible 03:16 - The Truth: Betrayal Pain Never Fully Goes Away 05:47 - Why Couples Who Drink Struggle MORE 10:15 - Trading One Addiction For Another 14:36 - "I Lost Everything - Don't Take My Wine!" 21:47 - We Found ZERO Studies Showing Alcohol Helps 23:43 - Your Brain On Alcohol: The 3 Effects 24:44 - God Behind Bars Partnership 29:15 - When Drinking Leads To Physical Fights 35:34 - "Sit In Your Sh*t" - Rehab Wisdom 40:08 - "Alcohol Doesn't Help You Feel, It Helps You Rehearse" 43:51 - Plana.org Partnership 49:07 - Laura's Message To Women In Pain See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    52 min

  5. 3 SEPT

    25-Year Divorce Lawyer: These 3 Things Destroy Every Marriage

    In this brutally honest episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz sit down with James Sexton, one of America's most renowned divorce attorneys, for a conversation that could save your marriage. After 25 years representing high-profile divorces, James reveals the three guaranteed ways men destroy their marriages - and why 56% of all marriages end in his office. This isn't your typical relationship advice; it's a masterclass in reverse psychology from someone who's seen thousands of marriages collapse. James breaks down the death spiral that leads couples from "I do" to "I'm done," the shocking statistic that 86% of divorced people remarry within 5 years, and why most people love their choices more than their children. From the simple act of "seeing" your spouse to the dangerous habit of keeping score, this conversation exposes the patterns that predict divorce with startling accuracy. Whether you're newlyweds, struggling in your marriage, or simply want to understand what really makes relationships work, this episode delivers hard truths wrapped in hope. Carl and Laura share their own journey through infidelity and recovery, while James provides the roadmap to avoid becoming another statistic. Warning: This episode contains frank discussions about marriage failure, infidelity, and the kind of honest conversations most couples never have about what it really takes to stay together. Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ Follow James at: https://www.instagram.com/nycdivorcelawyer/ Supported by God Behind Bars - https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana - https://plana.org/ CHAPTERS: 00:00 - INTRO 02:08 - The Shocking Marriage Statistics Nobody Talks About 11:25 - The 3 Marriage Killers Every Couple Does 20:10 - God Behind Bars Partnership 20:47 - Stop Seeing Your Wife: The First Marriage Destroyer 26:41 - Frame Everything Critically: The Communication Killer 34:55 - Keep Score: The Transactional Marriage Trap 40:25 - Plana.org Partnership 41:06 - The Death Spiral: How Marriages Collapse Slowly, Then All at Once 49:23 - When Do You Feel Most Loved? Laura's Answer Will Surprise You 57:38 - Marriage as Ecosystem: Why It's Not About Fairness 1:04:50 - Who Gets Screwed Most in Divorce? The Uncomfortable Truth 1:09:32 - Rolling Your Eyes: The Silent Marriage Killer See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    1h 13m

  6. 27 AUG

    The Brutal Cost of Letting Everyone's Opinion Matter

    In this powerful episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz expose the brutal reality of living under constant criticism and reveal the mental framework that saved their sanity. For the first time, they share why they almost didn't start this podcast – paralyzed by fear of opinions – and how one harsh comment from a stranger about their vacation nearly derailed their confidence. Laura opens up about her unshakeable ability to see past cruel comments to the pain behind them, while Carl admits to DMing his haters (and why he stopped). They discuss the shocking science that your brain processes criticism like physical pain, why it takes 5 positive interactions to heal from 1 insult, and the "Access to Influence Filter" that changed everything. From the MLB player who wept on the field after an insult about his deceased mother to JK Rowling's 12 rejections before Harry Potter, this conversation reveals how the wrong feedback can imprison you while the right feedback can launch your destiny. Whether you're drowning in family criticism, paralyzed by social media comments, or trying to protect your kids from a harsh world, this episode offers the exact tools to stay soft-hearted without being destroyed. ---- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ ---- Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ ---- CHAPTERS: 00:00 - The Science: Your Brain Treats Criticism Like Physical Pain 06:52 - Why We Almost Didn't Start This Podcast (Fear of Opinions) 10:21 - The Vacation Photo That Triggered 1000 Critics 15:31 - God Behind Bars Partnership 16:08 - "You're Not Soft, You're Human" - The MLB Player Who Broke Down 19:27 - The 5-to-1 Rule: Why Criticism Hits Harder Than Praise 24:15 - Laura's Superpower: Seeing Past Comments to Pain 29:33 - Plana.org: Help for the Unexpected 30:14 - The Access to Influence Filter (5 Questions That Changed Everything) 35:48 - JK Rowling's 12 Rejections & Pharrell's "Happy" Almost Never Happened 40:22 - "Don't Prepare Kids for YOUR Negative World" - The Parenting Truth 45:36 - Why Carl Used to DM His Haters (And What Made Him Stop) 50:18 - Building Boundaries: You Don't Have to Drink Every Opinion Offered 53:41 - The Final Truth: Critics in the Stands vs Players on the Field See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    51 min

  7. 20 AUG

    23 Years of Secret Addiction: A Pastor's Shocking Recovery Story

    In this raw and unprecedented episode of Lights On, Carl Lentz sits down for an exclusive interview with Blaine Bartel, a former megachurch pastor who built one of America's largest youth ministries before losing everything due to a 23-year secret addiction. For the first time, Blaine opens up about the moment his double life was completely exposed, the "terrifying grace" that shattered his world in 24 hours, and the brutal honesty required to rebuild from absolute rock bottom. They discuss everything from the difference between recovery and resurrection, why churches abandon fallen pastors, and the uncomfortable truths about what really happens when ministry success collides with hidden shame. From the shock of losing his marriage and ministry to discovering what true freedom actually looks like, this conversation reveals how one man died to everything he was and found life again. Whether you're struggling with addiction, wondering if restoration is possible, or simply curious about what real redemption looks like, this interview offers hope without sugarcoating the cost. Warning: This episode contains discussions about sexual addiction, ministry failure, and the kind of honest conversations most people never have. --- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Blaine at: https://blainebartell.com/ --- Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ --- CHAPTERS: 00:00 - Blaine's Background: From Ministry Success to 23-Year Secret 03:33 - "God Issued a Warrant for My Soul" - Complete Exposure in 24 Hours 05:09 - "You'll Never Get Free" - The Doctor's Devastating Prediction 06:45 - Recovery vs Resurrection: The Moment Everything Changed 08:20 - "Jesus Makes Dead People Alive" - True Heart Transformation 10:45 - Death Before Resurrection: Why the Cross Comes First 12:43 - Why Pastors Fall So Hard and the Problem of Quick Comebacks 17:34 - GOD BEHIND BARS PARTNERSHIP 18:18 - The Loneliest Moment: When Everyone Cuts You Off 24:28 - Carl's Story: Being Completely Shunned by Hillsong Church 30:41 - Why Churches Choose Brand Protection Over Restoration 36:14 - The Day They Finally Lifted Their Heads Again 39:16 - PLANA.ORG PARTNERSHIP 40:16 - Jesus Washing Feet: The Vision That Changed Everything 43:37 - Understanding Addiction: The Three Greatest Fears of Every Man 48:31 - Brain Chemistry vs Willpower: Why "Moral Failure" Misses the Point 52:38 - Sacred Rituals: Bridging the Gap Between Inspiration and Transformation 59:15 - Vision for the Man vs Vision for the Career: What Really Matters 1:02:48 - How to Safeguard Your Life: Full-Throated Confession and Community See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    1h 8m

  8. 13 AUG

    Our Marriage Almost Failed Until We Accepted This Hard Truth

    In this transformative episode of Lights On, Carl and Laura Lentz confront the uncomfortable truths that most people spend their entire lives avoiding. Together, they reveal the three hard truths that saved their marriage and transformed their lives: why you're 99% responsible for your problems (and solutions), why the relationship with yourself determines everything else, and why comfort is slowly killing your growth. Laura opens up about watching Carl face his emotional illiteracy, while Carl shares his therapy breakthrough discovering the childhood emotion that controlled him for decades. They discuss everything from why your spouse can't fulfill all your needs to the dangerous lie that prayer alone will fix your problems, and why men who can't name their emotions become volcanoes waiting to explode. This raw conversation exposes the victim mentality that keeps people stuck, the mirror test that changes everything, and why BBLs are the perfect metaphor for our culture's addiction to shortcuts. Whether you're tired of your own excuses, stuck in the same patterns, or ready to stop waiting for someone else to save you, this episode offers the brutal honesty needed for real transformation. Warning: This episode contains hard truths that will challenge your comfort zone and may trigger those committed to their victim stories. ---- Follow Carl at: https://www.instagram.com/carllentz/ Follow Laura at: https://www.instagram.com/lauralentz/ ---- Supported by God Behind Bars https://godbehindbars.com Supported by Plana https://plana.org/ ---- CHAPTERS: 00:00 -  Your Spouse Cannot Fulfill All Your Needs  06:00 - Truth #1: You Are 99% The Problem AND The Solution 09:31 - The Victim Mentality & Morgan Wallen's Easy Way Out 21:24 - God Behind Bars Partnership 22:02 - Truth #2: The Most Important Relationship Is With Yourself 27:20 - Why Repressed Emotions Make You a Volcano 33:02 - Carl's Therapy Breakthrough: The Terror He Carried for 5 Years 37:03 - Plana.org Partnership: Help for the Unexpected 37:49 - Truth #3: Growth Only Happens Outside Comfort 40:33 - BBLs & Ozempic: Why Shortcuts Always Fail 43:55 - "Prayer Without Work Is Just Wishful Thinking" 46:05 - The One-Week Challenge: Live as Your Best Version 49:17 - "The Hard Truth Is I Love You" See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    49 min
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Hosts & Guests

About

Lights On with Carl Lentz is exactly what this show is. Carl Lentz is turning on the lights in his own life, & giving people space to do the same. We will lead with vulnerability, & have open conversations to bring light to the inner darkness in our lives. Turn on the lights with us!

Information

  • Creator
    B-Side
  • Years Active
    2024 - 2025
  • Episodes
    64
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2024 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    Lights On with Carl Lentz

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