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21 may

Why “I’ll Deal With It Later” Is an Energy Leak with Ari Tuckman

Grab the Guide ... FREE! If you've spent years thinking the problem with planning is you — too scattered, too inconsistent, not disciplined enough — this guide is FOR YOU! Visit https://takecontroladhd.com/planwithadhd and get started today!--- We've all said it. "I'll deal with it later." And somehow, later never comes. The thing just sits there — not in your calendar, but in your head. It pings you in the shower. It shows up right before you fall asleep. That's an energy leak. This week, Ari Tuckman returns for his sixth appearance to unpack what's actually happening when we tell ourselves "later." What is the ADHD brain doing in that moment? Are we making a real decision, or just kicking the can? And how do we tell the difference? We dig into: The two flavors of procrastination — not feeling the future vs. avoiding the discomfortWhy "later" needs a "when," and what specificity actually changesThe difference between a task that needs doing and a decision that needs makingHow to close an open loop that's been open way too longGoing toward positives vs. avoiding negatives, and why one of those is more sustainableTime estimation, and why some things aren't knowable until you startAri's new book, the ADHD Productivity ManualGuest Spotlight Ari Tuckman, PsyD is a psychologist, author, and international presenter specializing in ADHD. He's given more than 600 presentations and podcast interviews across America and nine other countries, and is the author of four books: ADHD After Dark, Understand Your Brain, Get More Done, More Attention, Less Deficit, and Integrative Treatment for Adult ADHD. He chairs the CHADD Conference Committee. This is his sixth appearance on the show. Links & Notes Ari's website: https://drarituckman.comAri on Instagram: @AriTuckmanPsyDBooks by Ari Tuckman:ADHD After DarkUnderstand Your Brain, Get More DoneMore Attention, Less DeficitIntegrative Treatment for Adult ADHDADHD Productivity Manual (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:52) - Join us over on Patreon! (02:52) - Introducing Ari Tuckman (03:45) - "I'll do it later..." ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

21 may

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39 min
14 may

The Schedule That Bends Without Breaking

Grab the Guide ... FREE! If you've spent years thinking the problem with planning is you — too scattered, too inconsistent, not disciplined enough — this guide is FOR YOU! Visit https://takecontroladhd.com/planwithadhd and get started today!--- You've heard it before, probably said it yourself: time blocking doesn't work for me. Every block that slips becomes one more piece of evidence that you've failed the system — or that the system has failed you. So this week, Nikki and Pete try something different. They change the word. Nikki walks through three terms that get thrown around in planning circles — intentional planning, time blocking, and the one she's been reaching for more and more lately: flexible scheduling. Pete pushes back (gently, mostly) on why we need a new word for something that was never supposed to be rigid in the first place. And together they unpack the real reason so many ADHDers bounce off scheduling: it's not the strategy, it's the story we tell ourselves when the strategy bends. Along the way: the dangerous allure of hyperscheduling and why it only really works if your livelihood is measured in billable minutes; why time blindness isn't a reason to skip time blocking (and why estimation was never the point); the spoon theory and scheduling around energy instead of just hours; and Pete's brand-new metaphor — age of time — for thinking about margin, buffer, and what it feels like to live three weeks ahead of yourself instead of one day behind. Plus, Nikki drops another download: Your ADHD Schedule Starter, a short, practical guide for building a flexible schedule step by step, with a reflection section built in so you can keep adjusting as you go. Link in the show notes. Links & Notes Your ADHD Schedule Starter (free download)Unapologetically ADHD by Pete Wright and Nikki Kinzer — the book behind the frameworkFour Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals by Oliver BurkemanGPS Planning Membership — Nikki's coaching community for planning, capture, and workflowSupport the show on Patreon — early ad-free episodes, livestream recordings, members-only DiscordDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:24) - Patreon.com/TheADHDPodcast (02:38) - Talking Schedules ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

14 may

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27 min
16 abr

Later Life Diagnosis: The Relief, The Regret, & The Reality with Linda Roggli

Grab the Guide ... FREE! If you've spent years thinking the problem with planning is you — too scattered, too inconsistent, not disciplined enough — this guide is FOR YOU! Visit https://takecontroladhd.com/planwithadhd and get started today!--- Here’s a story a lot of women know. You’ve been getting by — maybe not perfectly, but you’ve been getting by. And then something shifts. Suddenly the coping strategies that used to work don’t. The brain fog is different. The irritability is new. And nobody around you — including your doctor — seems to have a particularly good answer for why. For women with ADHD, the answer is often estrogen. And for too long, that connection has been wildly undertreated. Linda Roggli has been living this story and researching it and coaching women through it for twenty years. She’s the founder of the ADDiva Network for ADHD Women 40 and Better, and she joins Pete and Nikki to trace the whole arc: what estrogen actually does for the dopamine-depleted ADHD brain, what happens when it starts its perimenopause roller coaster, why the Women’s Health Initiative study scared a generation of women away from hormone therapy that could have helped them, and what the science now says about timing, delivery methods, and who it’s actually for. It is a lot of information, delivered with the kind of warmth and hard-won clarity that only comes from someone who has personally been told by a doctor, “You’re not in menopause” — and then spent decades making sure other women don’t get that same non-answer. Links & Notes Linda Roggli — professional certified coach, award-winning author, founder of the ADDiva Network for ADHD Women 40 and BetterDriven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell and John Ratey — the book Linda’s therapist recommended at her diagnosis; she read it in the bookstore on the way homeWomen’s Health Initiative — the federal study whose 1990s findings caused a generation of women to stop hormone therapy; Linda explains why the study was fatally flawedDr. Patricia Quinn — ADHD specialist whose research on estrogen-only therapy for ADHD womenSupport the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:47) - Patreon.com/TheADHDPodcast (02:50) - ADHD Aging, Hormones, and More (05:13) - Linda Roggli ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

16 abr

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45 min
25/09/2025

Setting Boundaries in High Conflict: Your Questions About Difficult Relationships

In this our next listener’s questions episode, High Conflict Institute co-founders Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy address three complex scenarios involving challenging relationship dynamics, boundary setting, and family conflicts. Mike seeks advice about an ex-girlfriend who refuses to leave his home despite receiving money to do so, using suicide threats as leverage. The hosts discuss implementing their new SLIC method (Setting Limits, Imposing Consequences) and the importance of following through with consequences while having appropriate support systems in place. They emphasize that enabling behavior rarely leads to positive change. Leonard from Sweden asks about common response patterns when high-conflict people face criticism. Bill explains typical reactions including denial, blame-shifting, playing victim, and counter-accusations. The hosts emphasize avoiding criticism in favor of future-focused communication and setting clear boundaries with consequences. A couple dealing with high-conflict aging parents seeks strategies for managing necessary family relationships. The hosts discuss balancing caregiving responsibilities with boundary setting, offering practical approaches for limiting problematic behaviors while maintaining connections. They emphasize matter-of-fact communication and consistent enforcement of stated consequences. Throughout these scenarios, common themes emerge: the importance of preparing for predictable reactions, maintaining firm but respectful boundaries, and avoiding the trap of criticism. The episode demonstrates how similar principles can help navigate different types of high-conflict situations, whether with ex-partners, aging parents, or other family members who exhibit challenging behaviors. Additional Resources Personal Growth New Ways for Families ® Online ClassConflict Influencer® Class (6 weeks on Zoom)Books SLIC Solutions for Conflict (pre-order)It’s All Your FaultOur New World of Adult BulliesConsultations Book us for a consultation about your high-conflict situation or legal caseTraining Inquire about having us train your organizationConnect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteWatch this episode on YouTube! Important Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:46) - Listener Question #1 (12:49) - Listener Question #2 (24:12) - Listener Question #3 (33:48) - Wrap Up

25/09/2025

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35 min
31/10/2024

Unmasking the Narcissist: The 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life (Part 5)

Navigating Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities In this revealing episode of "It's All Your Fault," part of the Five Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life series, Megan Hunter and Bill Eddy explore the world of narcissistic high conflict personalities. They delve into the key traits of narcissists, the distinction between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists, and the potential connection between narcissistic personalities and domestic violence. Recognizing Narcissistic High Conflict Personalities Bill and Megan outline the defining characteristics of narcissistic high conflict personalities, such as their incessant need to feel superior, their sense of entitlement, and their lack of empathy. They explain how these individuals often exploit and mistreat others to preserve their grandiose self-image and how they respond when confronted with perceived challenges to their superiority. The Two Faces of Narcissism: Grandiose vs. Vulnerable Not all narcissists are alike. Bill and Megan explore the contrasts between grandiose and vulnerable narcissists. Grandiose narcissists tend to be more calculated and predatory in their actions, while vulnerable narcissists are generally more reactive and emotionally unstable. Grasping these nuances can be essential in recognizing and handling high conflict personalities. Narcissism in Various Contexts Narcissistic personalities can be encountered in various aspects of life, but some fields and occupations appear to draw them more than others. Bill and Megan discuss the prevalence of narcissists in healthcare, higher education, and the tech industry, and how these individuals can foster toxic work environments and strained relationships. Questions we answer in this episode: What defines narcissistic high conflict personalities?How do grandiose and vulnerable narcissists differ in their conduct?Which fields and occupations are more likely to attract narcissistic personalities?Is there a link between narcissism and domestic violence?How can you identify and cope with a narcissistic high conflict personality?Key Takeaways: Narcissistic high conflict personalities constantly strive to feel superior and entitled.They often lack empathy and manipulate others to uphold their inflated self-image.Grandiose narcissists are more calculated, while vulnerable narcissists are more reactive.Some fields, like healthcare and higher education, may attract more narcissists.Recognizing the differences between narcissistic personalities can aid in identifying and managing them.This episode offers valuable insights into the intricate realm of narcissistic high conflict personalities. Whether you're navigating a relationship with a narcissist in your personal life or at work, Bill and Megan's expertise and practical guidance can help you manage these challenging interactions and safeguard your well-being. Links & Other Notes COURSESConversations About Domestic Violence in Family Law with 16 ExpertsHandling Family Law Cases Involving Narcissistic High Conflict PeopleBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeDating RadarSplitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality DisorderARTICLESDomestic Violence vs. High Conflict Families: Are one or two people driving the conflict?Narcissists As LeadersLiving with High Conflict People Series: Do’s and Don’ts for Living with a Narcissist High Conflict PersonNarcissists as Leaders: Good or Bad for Your Organization?DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HELPNational Domestic Violence Hotline800.799.SAFE (7233) USAServices AustraliaFamily Violence Resources CanadaOTHER COUNTRIES: do an online search for “domestic violence in ___ (your country or city’s name)”OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:38) - 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life Part 6 (01:18) - Narcissistic HCPs (02:48) - Social Impairment and/or Internal Distress (04:55) - See Themselves as Superior (12:02) - Feeling Entitled to Special Treatment (13:16) - Lacking Empathy (21:12) - Stats (24:06) - The Two Types (27:17) - Lying (29:41) - Apologizing (32:00) - Domestic Violence (34:10) - Stalking (35:00) - Letting Go of Relationships (39:11) - Signs If It’s Your Partner (43:09) - Steps to Take (45:29) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A Special Guest

31/10/2024

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47 min
29 ene

SLIC Solutions for Limits: How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work (with Ekaterina Ricci)

Setting Effective Limits: A Conversation About SLIC Solutions for Conflict Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter welcome co-author Ekaterina Ricci to discuss their new book "SLIC Solutions for Conflict," exploring practical approaches to setting limits and consequences with individuals who demonstrate challenging behaviors. The episode introduces the "two and a half steps" approach: establishing clear boundaries, implementing consequences, and selectively using empathy, attention, and respect (EAR) statements. Traditional empathy-focused approaches may sometimes enable rather than resolve difficult situations, particularly with individuals who demonstrate manipulative behaviors. Bill Eddy outlines five crucial questions for establishing consequences: Is it proportional? Have positive consequences been considered? Is it safe? Are you prepared to enforce it? Do you need assistance? Questions we answer: How can empathy make conflict worse? Why is advance preparation important? How does social media impact younger generations' ability to set boundaries? When should you seek help imposing consequences? Whether managing professional relationships, navigating family dynamics, or maintaining personal boundaries, this episode provides practical tools for setting effective limits while maintaining respect and safety. Learn how preparation, practice, and proper timing can help you implement boundaries with confidence. Additional Resources Watch this episode on YouTube! Expert Publications SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 StepsHigh-Conflict Training Understanding & Managing High-Conflict TrainingPersonal Development Conflict Influencer Group Class - starts January 21New Ways for Couples: Online Class + CoachingProfessional Development Family Law Consultation Group with Bill Eddy - starts March 2026Connect With Us Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.comSubmit questions for Bill and MeganBrowse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formatsFind these show notes and all past episode notes on our websiteImportant Notice Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:49) - SLIC Solutions for Conflict (01:22) - About Ekaterina (03:23) - Why This Book? (04:07) - When Empathy Makes It Worse (06:31) - Two-and-a-Half Steps (08:29) - Consequence (11:13) - Role Play Practice (13:31) - Learning How to Set the Limit (16:56) - Younger Generations and Setting LImits (20:03) - Social Media Example (22:08) - Surprises in the Writing of It (25:36) - Something Hopeful (29:54) - Creating Space for Yourself (32:38) - The Five Questions (37:55) - The Writing Experience (38:52) - A Few Examples (43:28) - Doing What's Right (46:35) - Wrapping Up

29 ene

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48 min
12/12/2024

REBROADCAST: Holiday Harmony: Keeping The Peace at Family Celebrations

As we approach the holiday season, we thought it would be the perfect time to revisit one of our most popular episodes from last year. In the spirit of the season, we're rebroadcasting our timely discussion on maintaining harmony and peace during holiday gatherings. Whether you're hosting or attending a get-together with family and friends, the tips and insights shared by Bill and Megan from the High Conflict Institute are as relevant as ever. So, sit back, relax, and join us as we explore effective strategies for avoiding and defusing conflicts, ensuring that your holiday celebrations are filled with joy, connection, and understanding. Happy holidays! REBROADCAST Keeping the Peace This Holiday SeasonBill and Megan share tips for avoiding and defusing conflict at holiday gatherings. They offer insights from their work at the High Conflict Institute. In this timely episode, Bill and Megan explain how to prevent and de-escalate heated arguments that often arise when families reconnect after time apart. Listeners gain practical techniques to maintain a peaceful, enjoyable atmosphere. Avoiding Hot-Button TopicsBill notes that the high-emotion holidays can bring out uncontrolled behavior in some. He suggests posting a respectful gathering policy and having “minders” to gently redirect tense interactions. Megan explores preparation strategies like using self-talk and conversation redirection. Scheduling reminders helps you remember useful tools in the moment. Defusing TensionsBill advocates saving sensitive discussions for one-on-one talks, where polarization decreases. Groups often split into factions and fuel discord. Megan shares a touching example of connection occurring when two mothers met and shared their grief privately. Individual stories build bridges. Why It MattersBill and Megan provide simple but powerful ways to maintain self-control and model peaceful conflict resolution this season. Their advice offers pathways to joyful gatherings. Questions we answer: How can hosts set ground rules for respectful interactions?What tools can help individuals avoid unproductive fights?When and how should difficult topics be addressed?Key Takeaways: Posting expectations and having “minders” can prevent problems.Preparation and self-talk help you respond calmly in the moment.Save sensitive talks for one-on-one conversations later.Shared stories build connections between individuals.This timely episode provides useful techniques to prevent discord and promote goodwill this holiday season. Bill and Megan’s practical advice will help listeners consciously create an atmosphere of peace, joy and understanding. Links & Other Notes RESPECTFUL GATHERING POLICYDownload HCI’s Respectful Gathering Policy to hang up before your holiday gatheringsBOOKSCalming Upset People with EAR (communication technique)ARTICLESHandling High Conflict Situations During the HolidaysCalming Holiday ConflictsOUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:34) - Holiday Conflict (01:18) - When Someone Says Something (04:57) - If You're Hosting (07:15) - Respectful Gathering Policy (08:04) - Be Prepared (10:42) - Giving Yourself Encouraging Statements (12:30) - If You Want to Discuss the Topics (14:46) - Reason-Able (15:56) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: A New Season!

12/12/2024

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17 min
25 feb

Repair Without Over-Explaining

Grab the Guide ... FREE! If you've spent years thinking the problem with planning is you — too scattered, too inconsistent, not disciplined enough — this guide is FOR YOU! Visit https://takecontroladhd.com/planwithadhd and get started today!--- If you have ADHD, chances are you've developed a deeply ingrained habit of apologizing — for being late, for forgetting, for talking too long, for existing in a way that feels like an inconvenience. In this episode, Nikki and Pete unpack why over-apologizing is so common in the ADHD experience and how rejection sensitive dysphoria fuels the cycle. They explore what happens on the receiving end when apologies become emotional labor for someone else, and why pre-apologizing can actually undermine your credibility and prevent others from having their own authentic reactions. The conversation moves from apology into repair — a critical distinction. Where an apology is one-directional, repair is a two-party activity built on acknowledging impact, taking responsibility, and resetting the relationship. Nikki walks through the framework of acknowledge, repair, reset, and Pete shares a powerful lesson from his own therapist: your power ends with your skin. You get to own your part, but you don't get to own someone else's forgiveness timeline. They also dig into why self-compassion isn't optional — it's the foundation that makes real repair possible. This episode also comes with a free downloadable resource: "Repair Scripts for Real Life: The ADHD Repair Guide," featuring five ready-to-use scripts for situations that come up for ADHDers every single week. Grab your copy Right Here! Links & Notes Support the Show on PatreonDig into the podcast Shownotes Database (00:00) - Welcome to Taking Control: The ADHD Podcast (01:36) - Looking for Membership? (03:35) - How to Repair without Over-Apologizing ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

25 feb

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29 min
27/02/2025

When Home Hurts: Managing High Conflict's Impact on Your Career

When High Conflict at Home Impacts the Workplace In this powerful episode, Bill Eddy and Megan Hunter explore how personal conflicts and challenging situations at home can significantly affect workplace performance and mental wellbeing. The hosts dive deep into understanding the impact of home-based stress on professional life, while offering practical solutions for both employees and employers dealing with these situations. The episode examines how criticism, verbal abuse, and high conflict situations at home can deplete an individual's emotional resources before they even arrive at work. Bill and Megan discuss the neuroscience behind stress responses, particularly focusing on how the amygdala's fight-or-flight response can impact professional performance. They explore how encouraging self-statements can act as a protective shield against negative emotions and criticism. A significant portion of the discussion centers on workplace dynamics and communication strategies. Bill and Megan provide valuable insights into when and how to communicate with employers about personal situations, emphasizing the importance of maintaining appropriate boundaries while seeking support. They also address the employer's perspective, offering guidance on creating supportive workplace environments without compromising professional standards. Questions we answer in this episode: How does high conflict at home affect workplace performance?What strategies can employees use to manage personal stress at work?When should an employee disclose personal conflicts to their employer?How can employers support staff dealing with high conflict situations?What role do encouraging self-statements play in managing conflict?Key Takeaways: Encouraging self-statements can help block negative emotionsPersonal conflicts can significantly impact workplace performanceThe BIF method (Brief, Informative, Friendly and firm) helps manage difficult communicationsConsider consulting EAP resources before discussing issues with employersEmployers should lead with empathy while maintaining appropriate boundariesThis episode provides essential insights for anyone navigating the challenging intersection between personal conflicts and professional life. Whether you're an employee dealing with high conflict situations at home or an employer seeking to support your team members effectively, this discussion offers practical, actionable strategies for maintaining workplace productivity while supporting mental health and wellbeing. Links & Other Notes NEWSLETTERSign upBOOKS5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your LifeBIFF at WorkIt's All Your Fault at Work!ARTICLESNew Ways for Work®: A New Coaching MethodCOURSESNew Ways for Work®: Training for Leaders (for managers, supervisors, etc. to learn how to handle high-conflict at work)New Ways for Work®: Training for Coaches (for workplace coaches to learn this method to use with clients/coachees)CLASSES: Conflict Influencer™ Class (to learn how to deal with high-conflict) OUR WEBSITE: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/Submit a Question for Bill and MeganAll of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.You can also find these show notes at our site as well.Note: We are not diagnosing anyone in our discussions, merely discussing general patterns of behavior. Nor are we providing legal of therapeutic advice. Please seek the assistance of your local professionals to seek help. (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault (00:37) - Impact Inside the Workplace when High Conflict’s Happening Outside of It (01:06) - Catching Up (04:52) - What High Conflict Feels Like When You're Involved In It (07:17) - Criticism and Beyond (10:24) - Stress and the Brain (13:02) - Conflict Tolerance (16:35) - When You Have to Go to Work (20:02) - Encouraging Statements (22:49) - High Conflict Interruptions (26:57) - Talking to Your Employer (31:25) - If You’re the Employer (35:07) - Wrap Up (36:06) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: TBD

27/02/2025

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37 min
04/08/2014

ADHD Coaching and the College Student

Grab the Guide ... FREE! If you've spent years thinking the problem with planning is you — too scattered, too inconsistent, not disciplined enough — this guide is FOR YOU! Visit https://takecontroladhd.com/planwithadhd and get started today!--- Thank you for supporting The ADHD Podcast on Patreon! — https://patreon.com/theadhdpodcast The demands of higher education on adults with ADHD can be significant. High pressure, frequent deadlines, myriad distractions, and multiple simultaneous areas of study all contribute to an environment ripe for stress and frustration. These challenges make coaching and accountability even more critical when working toward achieving your degree. Nikki Kinzer is formalizing a specialized coaching service for degree seekers of all sorts with ADHD Coaching for the College Student. This week on the show, Nikki and Pete Wright talk about this service and why higher education is such a unique experience for those with ADHD. From organizing to time management, to personal care, this episode sets the stage for our series on students and ADHD this month! ★ Support this podcast on Patreon ★

04/08/2014

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22 min

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