The Desire Lab

The Desire Lab Podcast
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The Desire Lab is a weekly conversation exploring the psychology, science, stories, and cultural forces that shape desire, intimacy, sex, and long-term relationships.

Episodios

  1. hace 3 días

    Experiment 005: Do I Have to Feel Sexy to Want Sex? Body Image, Agency, & Bodies That Are Hilarious

    Andrea: https://theemotionallogic.com/ Caroline: https://www.desireinreallife.com The show: https://www.desirelabpod.com What happens to our sexuality when we don't feel particularly good about our bodies? Bodies change. Weight fluctuates. We age, get pregnant, get injured, recover, gain strength, lose strength, and sometimes simply wake up feeling completely different about the body we saw in the mirror yesterday. But does every shift in body image have to determine whether we feel sexual, desirable, or entitled to pleasure? In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea explore the complicated relationship between body image and sexuality. They talk about the difference between how a body looks and what it can do, body appreciation versus body appearance, the influence of partners and culture on how we see ourselves, sexual performance, self-objectification, masturbation, and whether we can loosen the connection between I don't like my body today and therefore I don't get to feel sexual today. Along the way: craft herpes, Kama Sutra page 37, Teflon children, sweatpants, mangled ear piercings, funhouse mirrors, glitter in the carpet, and the rather freeing conclusion that bodies are hilarious, perceptions are unreliable, and maybe we should all just live. 02:36 Question: Do I Have to Feel Sexy to Want Sex?03:53 Hypothesis: Bodies are fluid07:30 Hypothesis: Bodies are functional09:20 Hypothesis: There's a gender difference11:52 Hypothesis: Confidence in context16:31 Synthesis: Maintaining sexual agency20:43 Synthesis: Parents are Teflon24:17 Synthesis: Self-intimacy and sexuality31:36 Synthesis: Appearance is bullshit34:24 Takeaways: Bodies are hilarious and perceptions are unreliable36:28 Closing NotesQuestions to Take Home:When I don't feel good about my body, do I automatically disconnect from my sexuality too?How much of my sense of being sexually desirable comes from my own experience of my body, and how much comes from what I imagine other people think about it?What changes if I ask not only, How does my body look?, but also, What can my body feel, experience, express, and do?

  2. 8 sep

    Experiment 004: How Do We Talk About Sex? Feedback, Fear, and Getting Back on the Path

    Andrea: https://theemotionallogic.com/ Caroline: https://www.desireinreallife.com The show: https://www.desirelabpod.com Giving feedback is hard. Receiving feedback is hard. Giving and receiving feedback about sex? That can feel like an entirely different level of vulnerability. Sexual feedback can be as simple as harder, slower, more of that. But it can also open much bigger questions about desire, fantasies, frequency, relationship structure, changing bodies, changing interests, and whether one partner can actually meet everything the other wants. In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea explore why sexual feedback can feel so high stakes, and why the fear underneath it is often bigger than the feedback itself. They talk about defensiveness, the fear of not being enough, internal feedback and "shoulds," changing relationship agreements, sexual self-disclosure, and what it looks like to receive feedback without turning it into criticism. Along the way: Pandora's box, dishwashers, bisexual husbands, workplace performance reviews, investment portfolios, Andrea's feedback-superhero partner, and the possibility that good sexual feedback is really just one person saying to another, Come back over here. I want you on the path with me. 01:06 Question: How do we talk about sex?02:35 Hypothesis: There are different types of feedback04:38 Hypothesis: We have internal feedback, too06:27 Hypothesis: It's scary to talk about sex10:01 Evidence: A model feedback partner12:25 Synthesis: Feedback is about caring16:07 Synthesis: We can change our relationship to the problem19:08 Synthesis: We can change our terms26:02 Takeaways: Make feedback ongoing32:48 Closing NotesQuestions to Take Home:What happens inside me when my partner gives me sexual feedback? Do I hear information, criticism, rejection, or something else?When was the last time I explicitly invited my partner to tell me what they want, enjoy, miss, or are curious about?Are there assumptions or "terms" in our sexual relationship that we have never actually discussed, and might some of them need to evolve?

  3. 1 sep

    Experiment 003: Who Initiates Sex? Pressure, Rejection, and Safe Ass-Grabbing

    Andrea: https://theemotionallogic.com/ Caroline: https://www.desireinreallife.com The show: https://www.desirelabpod.com Who initiates sex in your relationship? Who wishes the other person would initiate more? And when did a flirtatious touch become something that makes you tense up and think, Oh God, what do they want from me? Initiation can carry far more meaning than the simple act itself. For one partner, initiating sex can be an invitation towards connection and reassurance: I still want you. Do you want me? For the other, that same gesture can land as pressure, obligation, or one more person asking something of them. In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea explore how couples get caught in these feedback loops, and why both people’s experiences can be valid at the same time. They talk about desire discrepancy, rejection, “touched out” parents, disgust and conditioned responses, postpartum sexuality, pleasure, transitions, and the difference between general sexual touch and touch that is a direct request for sex. Along the way: plant stores, saunas, needy babies, oxytocin, vibrators looking for sponsorship opportunities, sexual vibes, and a clinical intervention involving more safety and a little more ass grabbing. 00:00 Welcome to Desire Lab 03:05 Question: Who initiates sex, and why? 05:09 Hypothesis: We're touched out 06:22 Hypthoesis: There are different kinds of touch 08:58 Hypothesis: Therapy is Team Verbal 13:14 Hypothesis: Disgust is a danger cue 16:15 Synthesis: We need reciprocity in energy 19:14 Evidence: Postpartum Desire Counterstory 24:25 Synthesis: Resetting the feedback loop 26:43 Synthesis: We need transitions 30:50 Takeaway: More safety & more ass-grabbing 31:13 Closing Notes Questions to Take Home: When my partner initiates intimacy, what meaning do I immediately attach to it, and is that meaning actually what they intend?Does physical affection in our relationship have room to be flirtatious, sensual, or sexual without automatically becoming an invitation to have sex?What could help us make the transition into intimacy feel less jarring and more like part of the ongoing rhythm of our relationship?

  4. 25 ago

    Experiment 002: What Do We Mean by Novelty? Sexy Scrambled Eggs and the Renewable Source of Desire

    We hear it all the time: the beginning of a relationship is exciting because everything is new. Then the honeymoon period ends, novelty disappears, and desire inevitably follows. But does novelty really disappear? Or have we just defined it too narrowly? In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea question the assumption that novelty requires a new partner. They explore the intensity of early romantic love, why we may remember those exhilarating beginnings while erasing all the anxiety that came with them, and what becomes possible when novelty is layered onto the safety, intimacy and knowledge cultivated over time. Along the way: masturbation, dopamine bombs, rom-coms, fantasies, non-monogamy, sexy librarians, sad role-plays, erections, and the possibility that keeping desire alive might have less to do with what you do and more to do with how you experience your life. One sexy plate of scrambled eggs at a time. 1:21 — Question: What do we mean by novelty?3:10 — Hypothesis: Losing novelty is scary7:29 — Hypothesis: Nostalgia changes our perception of what happened10:42 — Hypothesis: Fantasy is a way to explore novelty15:00 — Hypothesis: Humans are not meant to be monogamous20:03 — Synthesis: You can weave novelty into intimacy22:00 — Synthesis: Roleplay and Performance26:00 — Synthesis: The Vulnerability of Sexual Exploration29:52 — Conclusion: Expectations and Communication in the Bedroom31:54 — Conclusion: Living an Erotic Life34:19 — Takeaway: Change Your Approach34:50 — Closing NotesIntro/Outro music: “Philadelphia Bounce,” Ghost Beatz Questions to Take HomeWhen I say I want more “novelty”, what am I actually wanting to feel or experience?What parts of myself do I want more freedom to explore or embody: in sex, in my relationship, or in my life?How might we create something new together without assuming that “new” has to mean a new person or new technique? References: https://www.desirelabpod.com/

  5. 18 ago

    Experiment 001: What Is Desire? Safety, Exploration, and Why We’re All Kids With Legos

    What do we actually mean when we talk about desire? Is it a feeling? A drive? An urge? Arousal? Behaviour? And if desire is part of being human, why can it sometimes feel so inaccessible—especially in long-term relationships? In this episode of The Desire Lab, Caroline and Andrea start at the beginning and discover very quickly that the question “What is desire?” opens approximately seventeen other questions. They explore desire as a pull towards exploration, novelty and connection; why safety and freedom may be complementary rather than competing needs; and what happens when long-term relationships become something we “set and forget”. Along the way: curious monkeys, secure attachment, tennis teams, capitalism, Prince Charming, mismatched desire, and the unexpected realisation that perhaps we are all just children carrying our latest Lego creation back to someone we love and saying, Look what I made. 3:01 — Question: What is desire?4:25 — Hypothesis: Desire as a Drive for Exploration6:46 — Hypthesis: Basic Need for Connection9:22 — Hypothesis: We Need Variety10:50 — Hypothesis: Passion Comes From Shared Exploration13:58 — Hypothesis: Expectations are Learned14:59 — Hypothesis: The Impact of Capitalism18:00 — Synthesis: Exploration vs. Safety23:25 — Synthesis: Understanding Desire Beyond Libido28:05 — Conclusion: A Shared Definition of Desire30:46 — Conclusion: We're All Kids With Legos31:04 — Closing Notes Intro/Outro music: “Philadelphia Bounce,” Ghost Beatz Questions to Take HomeWhat does desire actually mean to me?Where do I currently experience exploration, curiosity and aliveness in my life?Does my relationship give both of us enough safety to explore, and enough freedom to bring what we discover back to one another? References: https://www.desirelabpod.com

  6. Tráiler

    Introducing The Desire Lab

    The Desire Lab is a weekly conversation exploring the psychology, science, stories, and cultural forces that shape desire, intimacy, sex, and long-term relationships. https://www.desirelabpod.com

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The Desire Lab is a weekly conversation exploring the psychology, science, stories, and cultural forces that shape desire, intimacy, sex, and long-term relationships.

Información

  • Creador
    The Desire Lab Podcast
  • Años de actividad
    2026
  • Episodios
    6
  • Clasificación
    Explícito
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Desire Lab Podcast
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