Crouch Bind Set JT Farrell et al.

We welcome Ashley, our very first guest, and also listen to the advice of Self-Help Singh. We determine that South Africa needs to move countries and that money makes the world go stupid.

What does an octopus have to do with the Champions Cup? Nothing, unless it's doing the tomahawk chop. And yes, we know it's Rob Baxter and Bordeaux Begles, dammit.

This episode has it all: long distance communication, dogs, birdsong if you listen carefully, all the quality we've become famous for. We discuss teams of the tournament, the "Yeah No" XV, critical maple syrup issues, and the state of the Nations. We'll be back for the Investec Champions Cup.

Unlike Steve Borthwick, we didn't run out of time. Dan Sheehan can't catch a break from our podcast, but Eliot Daly is worse. And so is Kingsley Jones.

Can anybody claim to understand this year's Six Nations tournament? Why would Ireland write England's pre-game speech for them? Is there a cooler nickname than Nacho? All of these questions and more...

We consider St. Andrews's crosses, Dutch hookers, and Ireland v England: who can blow whom?