Grief Is Not A Dirty Word

Nick Gaylord

Grief Is Not A Dirty Word is a weekly podcast that brings honest, real-world conversations about grief, loss, trauma, healing, and mental health into the light. Hosted by Nick Gaylord, the show creates a safe, compassionate space for anyone navigating the complicated emotions that come with losing a parent, partner, child, friend, relationship, or former version of themselves. Originally launched as Our Dead Dads, the podcast has evolved into a broader mission: to normalize grief and break the stigma around talking about it. Nick explores every corner of the grieving experience — from anticipatory grief and sudden loss to complicated family dynamics, unresolved anger, identity shifts, and the invisible pain people carry long after the world assumes they’re “fine.” Each episode features powerful, unfiltered stories from guests who have lived through loss and rebuilt their lives in deeply personal ways. Through conversations centered on resilience, vulnerability, courage, and connection, the podcast helps listeners understand that grief isn’t something to hide — it’s something that deserves space, honesty, and community. Whether your grief is fresh or decades old, whether it’s tied to death or to a different kind of ending, this show will help you feel seen, supported, and less alone. If you’re looking for meaningful discussions about healing, emotional wellbeing, and the human experience — you’re in the right place. New episodes every Tuesday. Listen on all major podcast platforms or at griefisnotadirtyword.com. Grief Is Not A Dirty Word — because every story matters, every emotion belongs, and healing begins when we speak the truth.

  1. Grief, Resilience, and Healing After Spousal Loss with Barnaby Howarth - Episode 73

    10 HRS AGO

    Grief, Resilience, and Healing After Spousal Loss with Barnaby Howarth - Episode 73

    WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS: Anyone navigating grief after the death of a spouse, coping with cancer loss, widowhood, or searching for resilience during bereavement. WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET: A powerful perspective on grief recovery, emotional resilience, rebuilding life after loss, and how love and healing can coexist with memory. DESCRIPTION: In this deeply moving episode, Nick sits down with Barnaby Howarth to explore love, grief, widowhood, and the resilience that emerges after devastating loss. Barnaby shares the story of his first wife, Angela, whose life was cut short by cancer just over a year into their marriage, and reflects on how grief shaped his understanding of strength, identity, and purpose. Together, they discuss anticipatory grief, emotional complexity, pride within bereavement, and what it means to celebrate a life while mourning a death. Barnaby speaks candidly about what did not help during his grieving process, the dangers of searching for a mythical answer to pain, and how true resilience comes from within. Nick guides the conversation toward rebuilding life after spousal loss, including finding new love without replacing the past. This episode offers insight into healing after loss, honoring memory, and discovering that grief and joy can coexist. This episode answers: How do you cope with the death of a spouse at a young age?What does healthy grief look like after losing a partner to cancer?Is it normal to feel pride or gratitude during bereavement?How can you rebuild your life after widowhood without guilt?Can you fall in love again after losing your spouse?Key Takeaways: Grief and pride can coexist when you deeply honor a life lived.Resilience is not something you find externally; it already exists within you.Healing after spousal loss does not require replacing the person you lost.Small daily acts of kindness build emotional strength over time.Love after grief can honor the past while embracing the present.BARNABY HOWARTH — LINKS & CONTACT INFO PODCAST & MAIN SITE • Everyday Greatness Podcast:  https://barnabyhowarth.com.au/ SOCIAL MEDIA • Instagram:  https://www.instagram.com/barnabyhowarth/ • LinkedIn:  https://au.linkedin.com/in/barnaby-howarth • Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/barnabyhowarth.au/ TO BOOK BARNABY (AS A SPEAKER) • Main contact:   https://barnabyhowarth.com.au/book-now/  Support the show GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    1h 3m
  2. Silent Grief, Identity Crisis, and Emotional Healing with Terraine LeBeau - Episode 72

    24 FEB

    Silent Grief, Identity Crisis, and Emotional Healing with Terraine LeBeau - Episode 72

    TERRAINE LEBEAU — LINKS & CONTACT INFO PODCAST & MAIN SITE • Behind the Shades Podcast: https://behindtheshades.com/ HOST PAGE / GUEST PROFILE • Terraine LeBeau on BTS: https://behindtheshades.com/terraine-lebeau/ SOCIAL MEDIA • Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/terrainelebeau/ • TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@terrainelebeau/ • Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/terrainelebeau/ EMAIL • Main contact: terraine@behindtheshades.com WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS: Men navigating grief, identity loss, anticipatory grief, or unresolved emotional pain who feel pressure to stay strong and silent. WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET: An honest conversation about reframing grief, emotional vulnerability, masculine identity, legacy, and how to move forward without abandoning who you are. DESCRIPTION: In this powerful episode of Grief Is Not A Dirty Word, Nick Gaylord sits down with Terraine LeBeau, host of Behind the Shades, to explore grief beyond death. Terraine shares the profound loss of his grandmother, Iris Reed, the woman who raised him, and how her passing reshaped his identity. Together, Nick and Terraine unpack anticipatory grief, identity loss, and the emotional isolation many men experience in silence. They challenge the myth of “strong like bull” masculinity and examine why men often internalize grief instead of expressing it. The conversation moves through rage, vulnerability, legacy, and the cultural training that teaches men to fix rather than feel. Terraine also shares how his personal grief collided with his professional tools as a coach and podcaster. This episode is an invitation to stop thinking your way through grief and start feeling your way forward. This episode answers: Why do men struggle to express grief and emotional pain?What is identity loss in grief and how does it affect men?How does anticipatory grief impact mental health?Why doesn’t “staying strong” actually help with grief?How can men reframe grief instead of suppressing it?Key Takeaways: Grief is not limited to death; identity loss and unrealized futures create profound emotional pain.Suppressed grief often shows up as anger, isolation, addiction, or aggression.Men are culturally trained to fix problems instead of feel emotions, which complicates healing.Vulnerability is not weakness; it is emotional courage.Legacy building and intentional community can transform grief into purpose. GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    1h 20m
  3. Childhood Grief, Bereavement Support, and Healing at Camp Good Mourning with Paul Rubin - Episode 71

    18 FEB

    Childhood Grief, Bereavement Support, and Healing at Camp Good Mourning with Paul Rubin - Episode 71

    Episode 71 - Paul Rubin (Director of Camp Good Mourning) CAMP GOOD MOURNING INFORMATION: WEBSITE: https://www.campgoodmourning.org E-MAIL:  info@campgoodmourning.org FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/CampGoodMourning INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/campgoodmourning DONATIONS / SUPPORT: https://www.campgoodmourning.org/donate WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS: Parents, caregivers, educators, and anyone supporting grieving children navigating loss, death, and bereavement. WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET: A deeper understanding of how children experience grief, how to talk honestly about death, and how community-based support helps kids heal. DESCRIPTION: In this episode of Grief Is Not A Dirty Word, host Nick Gaylord welcomes back Paul Rubin, founder and director of Camp Good Mourning, a Long Island–based children’s bereavement camp supporting kids ages 7–17 after the death of a parent, sibling, or loved one. Paul shares how children experience grief differently than adults and why movement, play, and honest language are essential to healing. Nick and Paul explore why avoiding conversations about death often causes more harm than good, especially for grieving children. They discuss the importance of memory, storytelling, and keeping loved ones’ names alive long after they die. The conversation also highlights how parents and caregivers can better support grieving children while caring for their own grief. This episode offers powerful insight into childhood grief, bereavement education, and why community changes everything. THIS EPISODE ANSWERS: How do children experience grief differently than adults?What is the right way to talk to children about death and loss?Why does avoiding grief conversations harm grieving kids?How does Camp Good Mourning help children heal through community?What can parents and educators do to better support grieving children?KEY TAKEAWAYS: Children grieve in waves and need outlets for emotional energyHonest language about death helps children feel safer and less confusedTalking about loved ones keeps connection alive and supports healingGrief support works best when children are not isolatedCaregivers must care for themselves to fully support grieving children GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    1h 15m
  4. How Listening to Your Own Story Can Heal Trauma, Grief, and Shame with Susie Delo - Episode 70

    10 FEB

    How Listening to Your Own Story Can Heal Trauma, Grief, and Shame with Susie Delo - Episode 70

    Episode 70 - Susie Delo returns! LINKS: Go to Susie's website HERE! Contact Susie HERE! Want to listen to Lauren Heaton's interview? Click HERE! Want to listen to Elissa Swihart's interview? Click HERE for part 1 and HERE for part 2! WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS Anyone carrying unresolved grief, long-term trauma, shame, or emotional self-judgment who struggles to offer themselves compassion. WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET A powerful, practical look at how grief healing deepens through self-forgiveness, reflection, and hearing your own story without judgment. DESCRIPTION: In this follow-up conversation, Nick Gaylord reconnects with Susie Delo after she listened back to her original Grief Is Not A Dirty Word interview for the first time. What she experienced surprised her: pride, compassion, and deep self-forgiveness for the woman telling the story — herself. Together, Nick and Susie explore how listening to your own voice can transform trauma, soften shame, and unlock grief healing at any stage of life. This episode dives into emotional self-compassion, forgiveness, and the power of reflection without blame. Susie shares why recording and listening to your own story can be a pivotal healing practice. The conversation also highlights community, safe connection, and why grief work must include caring for yourself first. This episode stands alone but builds powerfully on Susie’s original interview. This episode answers: How can listening to your own story help heal trauma and grief?Why is self-forgiveness so hard after trauma and loss?Can hearing your own voice change how you see your past?How do you stop judging yourself for what you survived?What role does reflection play in long-term grief healing?Key Takeaways: Self-forgiveness is essential for meaningful grief healingListening to your own recorded story can unlock deep emotional clarityTrauma survivors are often harsher on themselves than anyone elseHealing accelerates when shame is replaced with compassionYou cannot support others fully without caring for yourself first GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    38 min
  5. How Childhood Trauma and Domestic Violence Shape Grief with Susie Delo - Episode 69

    3 FEB

    How Childhood Trauma and Domestic Violence Shape Grief with Susie Delo - Episode 69

    Episode 69 - Susie Delo CHECK OUT SUSIE'S WEBSITE!! Go to Susie's website by clicking HERE! Contact Susie by clicking HERE! WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS People navigating childhood trauma, domestic violence, complex grief, and long-term emotional healing after abuse and loss.  WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET A deeply honest conversation about grief, trauma, resilience, and how healing begins when someone finally feels that they matter.   DESCRIPTION:  This episode of Grief Is Not A Dirty Word features trauma-informed peer coach and You Matter founder Susie Delo, who shares her powerful story of surviving childhood abuse, domestic violence, and profound grief. In conversation with host Nick Gaylord, Susie explores how unresolved childhood trauma and silenced grief shaped her relationships, identity, and sense of self-worth. She reflects on losing her brother as a child, growing up in poverty and addiction, and enduring emotional and physical abuse that followed her into adulthood. Susie also opens up about the death of her abusive husband and the complicated grief that followed, including blame, shame, and isolation. Through therapy, faith, and advocacy, she transformed trauma into purpose by creating You Matter to help others heal. This episode centers resilience, post-traumatic growth, and the life-changing impact of finally being seen and believed.   This episode answers:  How does childhood trauma affect grief and adult relationships?What happens when grief is silenced or ignored for decades?How do survivors heal after domestic violence and emotional abuse?What is complicated grief after losing an abusive partner?How can trauma be transformed into healing and purpose?Key Takeaways:  Unresolved childhood trauma deeply shapes grief responses later in lifeSilence around grief can create lifelong emotional damageSurvivors of domestic violence often carry shame that isn’t theirsHealing begins when people feel believed, supported, and valuedPurpose and advocacy can grow from even the most painful experiences  GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    1h 17m
  6. Living With Grief, Chronic Illness, and Caregiving with Jacob Kendall - Episode 68

    20 JAN

    Living With Grief, Chronic Illness, and Caregiving with Jacob Kendall - Episode 68

    Episode 68 - Jacob Kendall CONTACT JACOB: Personal website: https://www.jacobevanskendall.com/ Business website: https://4Daging.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jacobevanskendall/ WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS: People navigating grief, caregiving, chronic illness, and anticipatory grief after the loss of a parent WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET: An honest, grounded conversation about grief, caregiving burnout, mortality, and finding meaning after loss DESCRIPTION: Nick Gaylord sits down with Jacob Kendall, a grief-informed advocate, health educator, and caregiver whose life has been shaped by chronic illness, anticipatory grief, and the sudden loss of his father. Jacob shares the deeply personal story of caregiving after his father suffered a stroke and heart attack shortly after Jacob’s wedding, and what it meant to lose him only months later. Together, Nick and Jacob explore how grief changes shape over time, why caregiving can be emotionally and physically exhausting, and how anticipatory grief complicates both loss and love. Jacob also opens up about living with a mechanical heart valve, confronting his own mortality, and managing anxiety born from repeated medical trauma. This conversation weaves together grief, health advocacy, and the importance of not carrying illness or loss alone. It is an honest reflection on grief, resilience, and how suffering can inform meaningful work without defining a life. THIS EPISODE ANSWERS: What does anticipatory grief feel like when illness changes everything?How does caregiving impact grief after a parent dies?Why doesn’t grief ever fully go away after losing a parent?How do chronic illness and mortality anxiety shape daily life?What helps caregivers avoid burnout while navigating grief?KEY TAKEAWAYS: Grief does not shrink, but people learn how to live alongside itCaregiving can deepen grief and exhaustion if done aloneAnticipatory grief creates complex emotions before loss occursChronic illness often brings hidden anxiety tied to mortalityTalking openly about grief and illness builds connection and healing GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    50 min
  7. 13 JAN

    A Short PodFest Break, Community Growth, and the Bigger Picture with Nick Gaylord -

    WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS Listeners navigating grief, loss, emotional isolation, or anyone seeking honest grief conversations and a sense of connection.  WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET Transparency about the podcast’s direction, reassurance during a brief pause, and insight into how grief-focused storytelling grows through community support.   DESCRIPTION:  In this short update episode, Nick Gaylord, host of Grief Is Not A Dirty Word, offers a transparent check-in with listeners. Nick explains why there is no interview release this week and shares what’s happening behind the scenes as he prepares for multiple speaking engagements. He reflects on the evolution of the podcast, the role of community support, and the importance of sustainable growth. Nick also reinforces the show’s mission to bring grief conversations into public space without shame or judgment. This episode serves as both a pause and a recommitment to the work ahead.  Nick also references an evolving wish list of future guest conversations as part of a larger vision for expanding grief dialogue and invites listeners to help amplify the show through sharing and engagement.   THIS EPISODE ANSWERS:  Why is there no interview episode this week?What support, sponsorships, and partnerships help a grief podcast grow sustainably?Why are public grief conversations still so important?How can listeners support a podcast focused on grief and loss?What direction is Grief Is Not A Dirty Word heading next?   KEY TAKEAWAYS:   Sustainable growth requires intention, preparation, and community support.Grief conversations belong in public spaces without shame or judgment.Listener engagement plays a meaningful role in shaping what comes next.  GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    8 min
  8. Trauma, Grief, and Survival: Healing After Sexual Assault and Loss with Lauren Heaton - Episode 67

    6 JAN

    Trauma, Grief, and Survival: Healing After Sexual Assault and Loss with Lauren Heaton - Episode 67

    Episode 67 - Lauren Heaton WHO THIS EPISODE HELPS People living with grief, trauma, PTSD, sexual assault recovery, medical trauma, or pregnancy loss who feel unseen or misunderstood. WHAT LISTENERS WILL GET An honest, grounded conversation about grief, trauma healing, boundaries, accountability, and rebuilding self-worth without shortcuts. DESCRIPTION: This episode of Grief Is Not A Dirty Word features licensed professional counselor and victims’ advocate Lauren Heaton in a powerful conversation about grief, trauma, and healing. Nick Gaylord and Lauren explore how sexual assault, PTSD, medical trauma, pregnancy loss, and chronic stress shape identity and survival. Lauren shares her lived experience alongside her clinical work, offering clarity without platitudes or false positivity. They discuss the responsibility that comes with healing, why empathy must be earned, and how boundaries protect recovery. This episode examines motherhood, bodily autonomy, and rebuilding safety after repeated trauma. It is a necessary conversation for anyone navigating grief while trying to move forward honestly. This episode answers: How do you heal from grief and trauma after sexual assault?What does PTSD recovery really look like in everyday life?How does medical trauma and pregnancy loss affect long-term grief?Why is accountability essential in trauma healing?How do boundaries support healing after prolonged trauma?Key Takeaways: Healing from trauma and grief requires honesty, not avoidancePTSD is a lived experience, not a clinical label aloneEmpathy grows through responsibility and self-workBoundaries are a form of self-protection, not punishmentGrief and trauma can coexist with purpose and meaning  GIVE THE SHOW A 5-STAR RATING ON APPLE PODCASTS! FOLLOW US ON APPLE OR YOUR FAVORITE PODCAST PLATFORM! BOOKMARK OUR WEBSITE: www.griefisnotadirtyword.com FOLLOW OUR DEAD DADS ON SOCIAL MEDIA: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/griefisnotadirtyword Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/griefisnotadirtyword TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@griefisnotadirtyword YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCmmv6sdmMIys3GDBjiui3kw LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nick-gaylord/

    1h 10m

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About

Grief Is Not A Dirty Word is a weekly podcast that brings honest, real-world conversations about grief, loss, trauma, healing, and mental health into the light. Hosted by Nick Gaylord, the show creates a safe, compassionate space for anyone navigating the complicated emotions that come with losing a parent, partner, child, friend, relationship, or former version of themselves. Originally launched as Our Dead Dads, the podcast has evolved into a broader mission: to normalize grief and break the stigma around talking about it. Nick explores every corner of the grieving experience — from anticipatory grief and sudden loss to complicated family dynamics, unresolved anger, identity shifts, and the invisible pain people carry long after the world assumes they’re “fine.” Each episode features powerful, unfiltered stories from guests who have lived through loss and rebuilt their lives in deeply personal ways. Through conversations centered on resilience, vulnerability, courage, and connection, the podcast helps listeners understand that grief isn’t something to hide — it’s something that deserves space, honesty, and community. Whether your grief is fresh or decades old, whether it’s tied to death or to a different kind of ending, this show will help you feel seen, supported, and less alone. If you’re looking for meaningful discussions about healing, emotional wellbeing, and the human experience — you’re in the right place. New episodes every Tuesday. Listen on all major podcast platforms or at griefisnotadirtyword.com. Grief Is Not A Dirty Word — because every story matters, every emotion belongs, and healing begins when we speak the truth.