Proud Conception Podcast

Rachael Gresson

Welcome to Proud Conception, a podcast that explores the diverse parenthood journeys of LGBTQ+ families in Aotearoa, New Zealand. Each episode dives into real stories of parenthood, focusing on the lived experiences of queer parents as they navigate the path to building their families. Keep listening for the expert interviews where we hear from the people supporting these paths to parenthood. This podcast is about giving voice to the many ways LGBTQ+ families come to be and creating a world where our little ones feel seen, safe, and proud. Thanks for being here!

  1. 18 MAR

    Expert Stewart Dalley: The legal landscape of queer family building in Aotearoa

    In this expert episode, I sit down with Stewart Dalley, a lawyer at Dalley Sundar who specialises in queer family formation in Aotearoa New Zealand. Stewart has both lived and professional experience in this space: he has three daughters of his own through surrogacy, and his work has shaped the legal landscape for queer families in ways many of us have benefited from without even knowing it. Stewart and his partner were the first same-sex de facto couple in the country to obtain joint adoption orders, and he successfully argued the case that two women can both be named as mothers on their children's birth certificates. We talk about the history of how the law in Aotearoa has treated queer families and the pathways it has opened over time. We get into the detail of donor agreements: why you should absolutely have one if you're using a personal donor, but why you also need to be really intentional about what you include, because some aspects of those agreements can in fact be enforceable by a court. We discuss what's on the horizon with surrogacy law reform, the very real pitfalls of international surrogacy, and a question Stewart is seeing come up more and more in his practice: what happens to your frozen embryos if you and your partner separate? There is a lot in this conversation. And after we hung up, Stewart said something that stayed with me: that yes, there are still hurdles and we do need to keep advocating and agitating, but we are also lucky that a pathway exists at all. That we can be the legally recognised parents of our children and have those children in the first place. When Stewart's first daughter was born, he and his partner only had guardianship orders. He was not the legally recognised parent of his own child. That reality and the distance we've travelled from it is worth holding onto. I hope you come away from this episode feeling like legal advice in this space is more accessible than you might think. It can start with a simple phone call. If you want to get in touch with Stewart to discuss your own situation, you can find him at Dalley Sundar Law: www.dslaw.nz As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend — it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing.  And if you have a family building story that you'd like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 3min

  2. 4 MAR

    Amy and Rochelle: Two mums, known donor, IVF, public funding, co-feeding & advocating for the rainbow families coming up behind them

    In this episode of Proud Conception, I'm joined by Amy and Rochelle, a lesbian couple who have been together since 2006 and married since 2008, long before marriage equality. They are mums to Josh, now 12, and Alex, now 8. We start in the present, with what it actually looks like to raise children in a queer whānau as their kids get older. Amy and Rochelle talk openly about how they present their family to the world, at school gates, on sports sidelines, and in the committees and institutions they've pushed to be more inclusive. They share how they've navigated questions from their boys about Pride parades, protesters, and why some people don't agree with families like theirs. And they reflect on what it means to model pride, advocacy and resilience for their children every single day. We then go back to the beginning. Their path to parenthood involved serious fertility challenges, and multiple rounds of IVF, some of them publicly funded. It also involves a special start: Amy and Rochelle were essentially gifted a sperm donor by another lesbian couple who had finished growing their own family. That donor, and that family, have been part of their whānau ever since. We talk about the deeply personal decision around who would carry their children and the grief that can accompany fertility making your hopes to carry impossible, and how both Amy and Rochelle cobreast-fed their boys, something they were navigating largely without a roadmap, twelve years ago. Amy and Rochelle are warm, funny, and quietly formidable. This is a rich conversation for anyone in the thick of building their queer whānau, and just as much for those further along the journey wondering what lies ahead. As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend — it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you'd like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 24min

  3. 17 FEB

    Rose: Two mums, known donor, at-home insemination, mental health, coming off medication & raising teens in a queer whānau

    In this episode of Proud Conception, I’m joined by Rose, a mum of two who is parenting well beyond the early years, with one child in their mid-teens and another entering adolescence. We go right back to the beginning of Rose and her wife’s journey to parenthood including the enormous and complex decision to come off mental health medication in order to try for a baby. Rose speaks openly about a period of hospitalisation, the destabilising impact that had on their family, and how they navigated that chapter together. We also talk about choosing a known donor and why openness mattered deeply to them from the outset. Rose reflects on how their relationship with their donor has naturally evolved over time, and how identity and whakapapa interweave in their whānau’s story. A significant part of this conversation focuses on parenting older children in a queer family. We discuss school environments, navigating questions from peers, supporting donor-conceived children as they form their identities, and what it actually looks like when the early intensity of conception and birth gives way to the long, steady work of raising young people. What I loved most about this kōrero is Rose’s grounded optimism. She offers reassurance that while every family navigates hardship, being queer or donor-conceived has not been a defining struggle in their story. Instead, she speaks about the gift of growing up in a queer whānau; the gift of learning to think expansively about family, difference, empathy and belonging. Rose and her whānau have chosen to use pseudonyms in this episode to protect their privacy. As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend, it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    47 min

  4. 4 FEB

    Kate: All things traditional surrogacy and being a proud, vocal support person

    Today we are joined by Kate Zame and we’re getting into the nitty gritty of traditional surrogacy—not just what it is and how it differs from gestational surrogacy, but what it actually looks like when you’re living it. Kate and her wife Kelly have their own beautiful rainbow path to parenthood but this episode is about the couple’s most recent experience with Kelly being a surrogate for a queer couple. I chat with Kate about why traditional surrogacy felt like the right fit for this whanau and how they navigated all of the necessary conversations from matching up with the couple that would end up being their intended parents, talking about the biological connection, the whakapapa, that their families would share, and navigating the network of providers that helped bring this fruition, including incredible counselors, midwifes, and a boss and the interesting engagements with Oranga Tamariki. We get into the legal realities of traditional surrogacy and the emotional weight of the process. And because of my Kate’s unique position, as the wife of a surrogate, you’ll hear her reflect on what it means to support someone through surrogacy, whether as a partner or as an intended parent. So if there are any intended parents, or “IPs”, out there, I know you’ll get a lot out of this episode. Kate busts down myths and taboos around traditional surrogacy and shows exactly how arrangements like this have been happening for decades and decades because they can be ethical, respectful and safe ways for families to grow and flourish.  Resources: Kate Zame on Instagram @katezameslt come for the speech and language therapy and queer parenting, stay for the good vibes.  Why Do You Parent Like That with Abbey Harrison and her conversation with Kate, covering more of her own family’s personal journey. As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend, it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 33min

  5. 22 JAN

    Claire: Two mums, unknown clinic donor sperm, IUI, co-feeding, and navigating queer parenthood with conviction

    In this episode of Proud Conception, I’m joined by Claire, someone who has become one of my closest friends and a huge part of the reason this podcast exists at all! Claire shares the story of how she and her wife Marissa moved in and out of the idea of parenthood over time: joining the fertility clinic waitlist early, travelling overseas, deciding not to have children when they reached the top of the list, and eventually coming back to the decision with clarity and commitment. It’s a journey that will feel familiar to many queer people, particularly those for whom parenthood hasn’t always felt like a given. We talk through their experience using clinic donor sperm and IUI, including the realities of long waitlists, donor selection, sperm allocation, billing frustrations, and the emotional weight of navigating a system that doesn’t always recognise queer couples as a single family unit. Claire also reflects thoughtfully on choosing a donor of a different ethnicity to herself, and the responsibility she and Marissa feel in supporting their children to understand and connect with that part of their identity over time. A significant part of this conversation focuses on co-feeding, including Marissa’s decision to induce lactation as the non-birthing parent, the medical and physical process involved, and what it meant for their partnership and early parenting experience. Claire speaks with real tenderness about the teamwork, sacrifice, and intention that shaped those early months, and the role affirming providers played in making co-feeding possible. Resources: Dr. Heather Johnston of @cradlednz Empwr: Rainbow-inclusive antenatal classes which provide affirming and supportive pregnancy education. empwrbirth.com. As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend, it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 11min

  6. 31/12/2025

    Expert Andy Leggat: Counselling queer folks using donated sperm, eggs or surrogacy to grow their families

    In our third expert episode, we sit down with Andy Leggat, a health psychologist at Fertility Associates, for a focused conversation about counselling for LGBTQ+ people using donated sperm, eggs, embryos or surrogacy via a fertility clinic to grow their families. We talk about what counselling is actually for in a fertility clinic context and why Andy prefers the term implications counselling when describing the work she does with the people who walk through her door. We unpack some of the ethical, psychological, legal, and relational considerations that sit beneath donor conception and surrogacy and how to center the long-term wellbeing of donor-conceived children throughout.  Andy speaks about the responsibilities that sit with parents, including how and when to talk to children about their conception, and shares practical, child-centred guidance such as a simple but powerful framework: early, often and open.  This conversation deeply resonated with me as a parent of donor-conceived children and I think there something in here for a range of listeners: people beginning their queer family building journey, queer folks who might be a bit resistant to counselling during their conception journey and queer parents exploring how to talk with their children about their origin story.  Resources: You can learn more about Andy and her practice at https://www.fertilityassociates.co.nz/team/andy-leggat  The draft paper from ESHRE mentioned by Andy around the proposal to set international limits for children conceived by individual donors can be found here: https://www.eshre.eu/Europe/Position-statements/Stakeholder-review  As always, thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. Please consider sharing this podcast with a friend, it really does help us connect with people who might benefit from the stories we are sharing. And if you have a family building story that you’d like to share, please get in touch! You can reach us via Instagram or by emailing proudconception@gmail.com.

    55 min

  7. 15/12/2025

    John: Two dads, familial egg donor, gestational surrogacy, congenital heart defect and navigating early parenthood without full legal rights

    This week on Proud Conception, we meet John, who alongside his husband Nick, embarked on a journey to fatherhood that required immense tenacity and resilience. After ruling out adoption and international options, their path took a beautiful turn when John’s sister offered to be their egg donor. With Nick providing the sperm, their son Emerson would share a biological connection to both sides of the whānau. They worked through the search of finding a gestational surrogate and had a few false starts with the embryo transfer, but it finally all seemed to align with a positive pregnancy. Then at 20 weeks, their world shifted when at a routine scan they discovered their son had a congenital heart defect. John details the daunting reality of preparing for multiple heart surgeries for a newborn while navigating the legal complexities of New Zealand surrogacy arrangements, where, as intended parents, they technically had no legal rights to make decisions around their son’s care and treatment until parenting orders were in place post-birth.  In recounting this journey, John shares his perspective of being gay dads in a hospital system designed primarily for birthing mothers but also highlights the incredible individual allies they found in nurses, surgeons, and their lawyer. He also shares some of the people and groups whose support guided him and Nick.  This is a story of fierce advocacy and the profound love that carried this whānau through. This is a longer episode and it deserves to be. It’s the extraordinary origin story of a beautiful young boy wrapped up in some pretty remarkable love. Resources: Imperfect Parents: The parenting group John mentions that provided a supportive space for their whānau. Super inclusive of different family types and run by the incredible Sophie Moskowitz. https://www.imperfectparents.co.nz/ Stewart Dalley: The legal support John and Nick used for their surrogacy and adoption process. Stewart is a lawyer who specialises in surrogacy and has three children of his own by surrogacy. https://www.dslaw.nz/familyformation/  Empwr: Rainbow-inclusive antenatal classes which provide affirming and supportive pregnancy education. empwrbirth.com.  The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did) by Philippa Perry.  Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. And if you have a family-building story you’d like to share, please get in touch via Instagram or email proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 29min

  8. 02/12/2025

    Emily: An egg donor's perspective

    This week on Proud Conception, we hear from Emily, an egg donor who felt called to action after stumbling across a Facebook post from a queer couple hoping to become parents. What began as a moment of curiosity quickly grew into a heartfelt commitment to support another whānau’s dream of having a child. In this kōrero, Emily shares the full arc of her donation journey: how she connected with the intended parents, the counselling process she and her husband worked through, the boundaries they discussed as a family, and what the medical side of egg retrieval was actually like. She also reflects on how she thinks about her connection to any potential child born from her donation, and how she’s choosing to stay open to whatever emotions might arise in the future. At the time of our conversation, Emily’s eggs had been successfully retrieved and fertilised, and the intended parents now have embryos waiting on ice, ready for the right moment for their gestational surrogate to begin her own process. Emily speaks with deep emotion about imagining them one day holding their baby, just as she’s held her own children. This is an honest and grounded look into what egg donation can mean, not just medically, but emotionally and relationally. Emily’s story highlights the immense generosity behind gamete donation and offers valuable insights for anyone considering taking this path. Apologies for a bit of feedback on the sound quality on this episode! I’m still working on my tech skills 🙂 Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. And if you have a family-building story you’d like to share, please get in touch via Instagram or email proudconception@gmail.com.

    1hr 10min
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Trailer

Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
7 Ratings

About

Welcome to Proud Conception, a podcast that explores the diverse parenthood journeys of LGBTQ+ families in Aotearoa, New Zealand. Each episode dives into real stories of parenthood, focusing on the lived experiences of queer parents as they navigate the path to building their families. Keep listening for the expert interviews where we hear from the people supporting these paths to parenthood. This podcast is about giving voice to the many ways LGBTQ+ families come to be and creating a world where our little ones feel seen, safe, and proud. Thanks for being here!

Information

  • Creator
    Rachael Gresson
  • Years Active
    2025 - 2026
  • Episodes
    20
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Rachael Gresson
  • Show Website
    Proud Conception Podcast

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