Broken. Adjust. Heal...

Stephanie Shaffer

Broken. Adjust. Heal...explores what happens after life breaks us open. Host Stephanie Shaffer, MSW, LCSW shares lessons from a lifetime of personal and professional experiences with grief, illness, trauma, and loss — including hospice work, surviving a cardiac arrest, and caregiving for her husband through four cancers. This podcast is about resilience, growth, and learning how to adjust to what we cannot change. Be Resilient Institute presents Broken, Adjust, Heal...by Stephanie Shaffer. iamstephshaffer.com Resources: If you or someone you know needs support immediately, call 988 Podcast series co-created with Media Midwife Ahri Golden ahrigolden.com

Episodes

  1. 26 Oct

    8. Facing The Unimaginable

    In this deeply personal bonus episode, hospice social worker and licensed clinical social worker Stephanie Shaffer shares the profoundly difficult journey of walking her husband, Duane, through his fourth cancer diagnosis — a stage 4 melanoma recurrence after 6.5 years of remission — to his passing at home. Stephanie explores the clash of coping mechanisms within a family, the sacred intimacy of being present during someone's final breath, and how signs from the spiritual realm have become a daily source of connection and healing. She also opens up about simultaneously navigating her father's own stage 4 cancer battle, and how her Adjust Grief Model is helping her stay present, find purpose, and move forward one moment at a time. Key Takeaways • (5:09) — Life's best-laid plans can shatter in an instant when a loved one receives a devastating diagnosis. • (11:26) — Stage 4 melanoma returned after 6.5 years of remission, spreading to both lungs, liver, lymph nodes, and the entire vertebrae. • (15:12) — You cannot want something more for someone else than they want for themselves — including how they choose to face their own illness. • (28:07) — Honest conversations about the fear of death can transform a loved one's final days from terror to peace. • (59:34) — Duane took his final breath at exactly 12:34 — combining his favorite number (12) and a close friend's (34) — a sign that validated everything Stephanie believes about spiritual connection.   "Life is hard and life is beautiful. Those two things coexist, they're intertwined, they can go back and forth in a nanosecond." — Stephanie Shaffer   Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988   Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  2. 19 Oct

    7. Surviving 45 Minutes of Cardiac Arrest: A Mother's Battle to Live and Love

    In this powerful episode, Stephanie Shaffer shares the miraculous story of surviving a 45‑minute cardiac arrest just 12 days after giving birth to her son, Brian. From being told pregnancy was unsafe due to her rare vascular condition, to a high‑risk pregnancy, her baby's NICU stay, her own life‑threatening complications, and the long road of rehabilitation, Stephanie reveals how faith, medical advocacy, and everyday kindness helped her move from being broken, to adjusting, to ultimately healing. 5 Key Takeaways  [0:01:00] – Calling to Motherhood & Medical Uncertainty Stephanie shares how, from childhood, she felt born to be a mother, even as early doctors warned pregnancy might not be safe due to Klippel‑Trenaunay syndrome. [0:13:50] – From "No" to "Green Light" After years of grief and exploring options like surrogacy, collaboration between local and New York specialists finally leads to the "green light" that it is safe for her to carry a pregnancy. [0:20:30] – Joy of Birth Meets NICU Crisis Brian's birth via C‑section quickly turns from joy to fear as he is rushed to the NICU in respiratory distress, leaving Stephanie separated from her newborn and struggling with profound emotional pain. [0:33:30] – Complications, Transfer, and a 45‑Minute Code Severe internal bleeding, multiple surgeries, and over 55 units of blood lead to a transfer to a trauma center, where Stephanie experiences a 45‑minute cardiac arrest before surgeons discover a ruptured spleen and bleeding uterus. [1:17:40] – Recovery, Resilience, and Redefining Strength Through excruciating rehabilitation, small physical milestones, and support from family, clinicians, and even the hospital janitor, Stephanie rebuilds her life and affirms that we can be broken, adjust, and heal. Quote "In this life, hard things happen, horrific events occur. We are strong. We are resilient. We put one foot in front of the other… We get broken, we adjust, and we heal."   Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988   Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  3. 12 Oct

    6. Enduring My Husband's Cancer Fight: Practicing What I Preach About Grief, Truth, and Self‑Care

    In this deeply personal episode, licensed clinical social worker and grief specialist Stephanie Shaffer brings her professional tools home as her husband Dwayne is diagnosed with three cancers in 18 months. She shares how she advocated for his care, navigated brutally honest conversations with their 10‑year‑old son about death and safety, and relied on radical self‑care, spiritual practices, and integrative medicine to survive an overwhelming season. From screaming in the car to setting financial safety nets and asking for help through a GoFundMe, Stephanie shows how telling the truth, honoring anger, and trusting the process can carry us through the darkest chapters of illness and grief. 5 Key Takeaways  (00:00:00) – Stephanie introduces her story of navigating her husband Dwayne's three cancer diagnoses and how it tested everything she teaches about grief and loss. (00:04:30) – A "benign" mole that regrows as stage III melanoma underscores the importance of self‑advocacy in healthcare and seeking second opinions. (00:07:30) – She models honest, age‑appropriate conversations about death and security with their 10‑year‑old son Brian, including life insurance and guardianship. (00:13:30) – Overwhelmed by caregiving and clinical work, Stephanie leans on intense self‑care and tools like threshold breathing and "in this moment we are all okay" to stay grounded. (00:19:30) – Facing brutal immunotherapy side effects, multiple cancers, financial strain, and rage, Stephanie and Dwayne prioritize quality of life, integrative medicine, asking for help, and ultimately celebrate his remission. Quote "If a child is wise enough to develop the question, they are emotionally mature enough to hear the truth."   Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988   Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  4. 5 Oct

    5. When Rejection Becomes Redirection

    In this episode, Stephanie shares how being rejected from 15 graduate programs for speech-language pathology over two years became the turning point that led her to her true calling in social work. Through stories of academic competition, isolation, and repeated disappointment, she illustrates how resilience is built over time, how closed doors can be divine redirection, and why choosing to be a victor rather than a victim transforms both your life and the lives of others. 5 Key Takeaways (00:00:01) – Stephanie introduces her journey of being rejected from 15 graduate programs and frames it as a story of resilience and purpose. (00:03:30) – She describes the intense competition and cliquish culture in her undergraduate program and how feeling like an outsider strengthened her ability to stand on her own. (00:06:22) – Despite a stellar GPA and strong experience, repeated grad school rejections force her to lean on her long-practiced muscle of coping with disappointment. (00:12:13) – A chance conversation at a family night with a psychologist reveals social work as a path aligned with her passion for supporting families, not just patients. (00:18:38) – Stephanie reframes setbacks as opportunities to choose being a victor rather than a victim, urging listeners to keep showing up and trusting what they can't yet see. "When the doors close, you keep showing up. You keep putting one foot in front of the other." – Stephanie Shaffer Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988 Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  5. 28 Sept

    4. My Traumatic Move: From Despair to Resilience

    In this deeply personal episode, Stephanie Shaffer shares the story of being forced to move from her safe, familiar life in Massachusetts to California as a teenager—a transition so terrifying that she contemplated ending her life. She reflects on the anticipatory grief, fear, and insecurity she carried about her leg and birth defect, and how this painful move ultimately became the catalyst for profound growth, closer connection with her mother, academic success, and a new sense of purpose. Stephanie offers encouragement and practical support for anyone facing suicidal thoughts or overwhelming change, reminding listeners that even the deepest emotional pain is temporary and that there is hope on the other side of despair. 5 Key Takeaways (0:00) – Stephanie introduces Broken Adjust Heal and frames this episode as the story of her traumatic move from Massachusetts to California and the emotional toll it took. (0:07) – As a teen, she experiences intense anticipatory grief and fear about leaving her lifelong friends and the safety of being accepted with her leg difference. (0:07–0:14) – In a moment of paralyzing despair, she contemplates suicide but stops herself when she remembers her grandmother's death by suicide and refuses to put her family through that pain again. (0:14–0:15) – The shared grief over the move bonds Stephanie and her mother, and she later realizes that her biggest critic about her leg was herself—not her friends or family. (0:15–0:18) – The move pushes her out of her comfort zone, leading to academic success, new confidence, and a life path grounded in purpose; she urges anyone with suicidal thoughts to reach out for help, including calling 988. Quote "Please do not make a permanent decision for a temporary circumstance. The roller coaster of life, it does go back up." Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988 Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  6. 21 Sept

    3. From Accident to Suicide

    In this deeply personal episode, Stephanie shares how two devastating events in her youth—her sister's near-fatal accident and her grandmother's death by suicide—profoundly shaped her understanding of grief, anxiety, and resilience. She reflects on the power of being truly heard, the generational impact of untreated mental illness, and how these experiences inspired her life's work supporting others through agonizing loss. 5 Key Takeaways (0:01) – Stephanie introduces Broken Adjust Heal and her mission to turn personal pain into a source of purpose and support for others. (3:51) – As a child, Stephanie forms a profound, maternal bond with her sister Kristin and discovers that giving others what she needs emotionally helps her feel loved and secure. (7:16) – Kristin's sudden accident and hospitalization plunge Stephanie into shock, fear, and intense grief, showing the importance of honest, non-fixing emotional support in crisis. (20:09) – Just after Kristin's return from the hospital, Stephanie learns that her grandmother died by suicide, forcing her to confront both family mental health history and her own fears about anxiety and depression. (28:52) – Reflecting on her grandmother's struggles and her own, Stephanie emphasizes compassionate listening, the need for informed mental health support, and reframes grief as an ongoing process of adjustment, not just acceptance. Quote: "Our deepest pain, our deepest losses, are our greatest lessons and opportunities for change." Resources: www.ahrigolden.com Text or call 988 Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  7. 9 Aug

    2. Embracing My Birth Defect

    In this deeply personal episode of Broken, Adjust, Heal, Stephanie shares her journey of growing up with a rare, life-threatening vascular birth defect called Klippel-Trenaunay Syndrome (KTS).  Stephanie shares the emotional landscape of shame, invisibility, resilience, and connection. From early childhood memories of a leg brace and stares, to the quiet pain of feeling "different" yet unheard, she reveals how her experience ultimately became a source of empathy, purpose, and professional calling. Stephanie closes with practical guidance for listeners on how to identify their needs and take compassionate action on their own behalf. 5 Key Takeaways  (0:03:10) – A childhood memory of an orthotic brace marks the first time she realized she was different and became self‑conscious. (0:07:28) – She describes the duality of emotions—wanting to hide and wanting to belong—as a normal part of being human (0:17:27) – Stephanie explains living with profoundly rare Klippel–Trénaunay syndrome and feeling like an outsider while others treated it as "no big deal." (0:25:40) – She offers a simple, actionable three-step process: identify what you feel, name what you need, and ask how you can give that to yourself—reminding listeners that support like the 988 crisis line is always available.   Quote: "Two things can exist: I am sad and I am grateful. I am scared and I am brave." Be Resilient Institute presents Broken, Adjust, Heal...by Stephanie Shaffer.  iamstephshaffer.com   Resources: If you or someone you know needs support immediately, call 988   Podcast series co-created with Media Midwife Ahri Golden ahrigolden.com Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  8. 9 Aug

    1. Life Lessons from Death

    In this powerful opening episode, Licensed Clinical Social Worker and former hospice social worker. Stephanie Shaffer, shares formative experiences from the emergency room and hospice care that shaped her understanding of grief, loss, and the true meaning of support at the end of life. Through vivid stories of sudden and slow deaths, including the passing of her own grandfather, Stephanie offers compassionate insight into how we can show up for others—and ourselves—when it matters most.  5 Key Takeaways [0:00:51] – The purpose of the podcast Stephanie introduces Broken Adjust Heal as a space to explore grief, loss, depression, anxiety, and resilience through her own transformative life stories. [0:08:49] – The power of community versus isolation Witnessing one man leave the hospital alone and another surrounded by dozens of loved ones reveals how crucial a support system is during sudden loss. [0:12:41] – Build your support system before you need it We must invest in relationships and community when life is calm so they're there to hold us when life inevitably gets hard [0:15:25] – What the dying may need in order to let go A hospice patient's final breath comes only after her son's heartfelt words, showing how affirmation, love, and presence can help someone release. [0:21:10] – Release the pressure to "make it in time" Stephanie's experience with her grandfather's death reframes missing a final moment: it's ultimately about what the dying person needs, not our timelines.   Quote: "We need to develop our support system when things are well, so it's there for us when things go south—because they will." Be Resilient Institute presents Broken, Adjust, Heal...by Stephanie Shaffer.  iamstephshaffer.com   Resources: If you or someone you know needs support immediately, call 988   Podcast series co-created with Media Midwife Ahri Golden ahrigolden.com Connect with Stephanie: Website | Instagram | LinkedIn | Tiktok

  • 8 Episodes

About

Broken. Adjust. Heal...explores what happens after life breaks us open. Host Stephanie Shaffer, MSW, LCSW shares lessons from a lifetime of personal and professional experiences with grief, illness, trauma, and loss — including hospice work, surviving a cardiac arrest, and caregiving for her husband through four cancers. This podcast is about resilience, growth, and learning how to adjust to what we cannot change. Be Resilient Institute presents Broken, Adjust, Heal...by Stephanie Shaffer. iamstephshaffer.com Resources: If you or someone you know needs support immediately, call 988 Podcast series co-created with Media Midwife Ahri Golden ahrigolden.com

Information