The Imperfects

Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
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  • Mental Health
  • Updated weekly

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

  1. Joel Pearson - I Think, Therefore AI

    5 days ago

    Joel Pearson - I Think, Therefore AI

    In the age of AI, do you feel that your future is more uncertain? 💌Join 7,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In today’s Academy of Imperfection, we’re joined by Dr Joel Pearson; a neurofuturist, whose work centres around predicting how AI will impact every aspect of our lives from now on. While many of us (us included) first and foremost imagine the impacts of AI in a tech-revolution-y, robot butler-y, terminator-adjacent way, this episode goes deeper. Joel discusses how young people are forming attachments with AI companions and how we might see, perhaps the first generation in known history with a lower IQ than the one beforehand. We talk about the tangible and interconnected mental health impacts that this major societal disruption will have, and Hugh and Josh ask how in the world can we broach this topic with our kids? BUT, this episode isn’t all doom and gloom. Joel is a tech-optimist, after all. We talk to Joel about how we can foster human connection, and continue to develop our critical thinking skills, whilst not turning away from AI altogether. Joel, this has been invaluable. If you want to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GPGa6heppjE  0:00 – The episode we’ve been putting off10:10 – The only certainty is disruption14:15 – Impact of AI on the brain21:23 – Rewards and moral responsibility27:11 – A scary mental health spiral30:31 – Think of the children35:10 – You may now kiss the AI45:06 – Purposeful Utopia58:42 – Seeing is no longer believing1:02:21 – The Roadmap to AI1:11:35 – Finding Motivation in Limbo1:18:15 – Let’s Stack Some Habits 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dr Emily - Acceptance, That’s Radical - (1:22:53) - https://bit.ly/4dW7Bfa Dr Emily - The Certainty of Uncertainty - (1:22:53) - https://bit.ly/3RTAjVl James Clear - Down The Habit Hole - (1:22:00) - https://bit.ly/4wIg5xV 📖 Things to read The Intuition Toolkit by Dr Joel Pearson - (3:18) - https://bit.ly/4v5NnFM Matt Shumer App Development Industry Blog - (27:11) - https://bit.ly/4uo65rY 💻Things to check out Joel’s website - https://bit.ly/4upBURa Tristan Harris’ Center for Human Technology - (1:25:40) - https://bit.ly/4wGrFJZ Figure Three Robotics - (42:51) - https://bit.ly/42J2Uiz Joel's work at the University of NSW as Deputy Director of Human Readiness UNSW AI Institute - https://bit.ly/4nPA89G  📺 Things to watch House of Dynamite - (26:21) - https://bit.ly/4uw5PYg 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 31min
  2. Dr Emily - What To Do With Envy

    17 May

    Dr Emily - What To Do With Envy

    What is your envy telling you? 💌Join 7,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Dr Emily Musgrove, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk about the green-eyed monster, and more importantly, how we can work with it to incorporate more gratitude, appreciation and awareness into our lives (hallelujah). Founded in the evolutionary practice of assessing our status in comparison with others, envy comes from the feeling of lacking something that someone else has. In what may have been an adaptive function for a cave person to secure their basic needs, our brains are not equipped for the intense comparison fed to us via social media. Dr Emily chats to Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the layered experience of envy, and how often, it stems from feeling not-enough or unworthy. Of course, Dr Emily brings the strategies. We explore how to work with envy in our own lives, and how to acknowledge it in the lives of our friends and family to protect important relationships. Dr Em, we’ll see you for the sequel on jealousy soon. To watch the full episode: https://youtu.be/B7acUnoekSc 0:00 – Envy vs Jealousy 9:08 – Keeping up with the Jones’ 8:16 – A message around ‘enoughness’ 25:12 – The energy of being a hater 36:50 – A deep longing for a difference experience 42:13 – On the flip side 52:45 - Acknowledge the hard 59:18 – The social emotion 1:07:18 – Working with envy 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dave Hughes - Me, Myself & Ego - https://bit.ly/4ua3mSP Hamish Blake - Let’s Talk About Self-Doubt - https://bit.ly/4fl7omR Dr Emily - Acceptance, That’s Radical - https://bit.ly/4ugEHwe 💻Things to check out Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory - https://bit.ly/4npfIE5 📺Things to watch ‘Onesies’ Bluey episode - https://bit.ly/4eGTqLS 📖Things to read The Way We Are, by Hugh Mackay - https://bit.ly/4wsJuff Status Anxiety, by Alain de Botton - https://bit.ly/4tvbGeL 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 20min
  3. Reuben Williams - What Happened After My Sexual Assault

    10 May

    Reuben Williams - What Happened After My Sexual Assault

    Can you think of a moment that turned your life into ‘before’ and ‘after’? For Reuben Williams, that moment was not his sexual assault, rather, the decision he made in the aftermath to pursue justice. 💌Join 7,000+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Incredibly vulnerable, Reuben talks Hugh, Ryan and Josh through what it felt like in the 24 hours after the assault, how he knew, undeniably, what happened to him was wrong, and why he chose to report it. We talk about the intricacies of healing, privilege, and having a world class difficult conversation with the ones you love. And then, Josh asks Reuben how you can best show up for your friends who might be going through something similar. Reuben, it was such a privilege having you in the studio. If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/okQnOwV2MJE  0:00 – An Imperfect Meet-Cute6:44 – The night of the assault19:28 – Identity, privilege, and idealism33:09 – Family Dynamics41:16 - World Class Difficult Conversation47:39 – The Waiting Game59:15 – Reuben’s Letter1:04:24 – A divine test1:10:30 – Just help1:18:46 – How can you be a better friend? 🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned on this episode Rana Hussain - Belonging For Connection - https://bit.ly/49voquJ 🎧Things to listen to SportsGrad Podcast - https://bit.ly/42V75HT 💻Things to check out SportsGrad - https://bit.ly/49p2hOD 🚨If you’d like to reach out to someone for support after listening to this episode, here are some great places to start 1800 RESPECT Centre Against Sexual Assault - 03 5441 0430 (Mon-Fri 9am-5pm) OR 1800 806 292 (Sexual Assault Crisis Line) 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 29min
  4. Jan Fran - Wars For Your Attention

    3 May

    Jan Fran - Wars For Your Attention

    In a world so divided by hate, how can we choose to show love? This week we are joined by journalist Jan Fran, who unpacks the horror of witnessing horror. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Talking through her unravelling relationship with social media and the utter helplessness she feels watching atrocities cut into 30 second clips, Jan explores how becoming a mother cracked her open in ways she didn’t know possible. Joining us in the Vulnerabilitea House to answer every question in the deck (kidding), Jan and Josh discuss the guilt of turning away, and the consequences of leaning in. And finally, Jan bonds with the Hugh, Ryan and Josh about the fundamental importance of deliberately creating community. Jan, you are remarkable. 0:00 – Introducing Josh’s housemate 8:42 – The art of being vulnerable 17:19 – I wish I could stop going on social media. 27:13 – Being cracked open 35:32 – Deliberately building community 46:39 – Anticipating the Comments 53:34 – Optimist by will If you’d like to watch this full video on YouTube (and see Josh’s Frant banner), follow this link - https://youtu.be/BRoyNdZEZD0  🫖Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby … New Brain … Matrescence - (33:21) - https://bit.ly/48vQZb5 How (and Why) Ryan Dumped His iPhone - (20:50) - https://bit.ly/4tGRXKj 💻Things to check out The Frant - https://bit.ly/4cSeFaO Ette Media - https://bit.ly/4t1OzIw 🎧 Things to listen to We Used To Be Journos - https://bit.ly/4dcAGT9 📱Things to help you set social media boundaries One sec - https://bit.ly/4cEYMpF Brick - https://bit.ly/4vXSzfP 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14.   See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 11min
  5. Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby… New Brain… Matrescence.

    26 Apr

    Dr Edna Lekgabe - New Baby… New Brain… Matrescence.

    According to perinatal and reproductive psychiatrist Dr Edna Lekgabe, matrescence is the motherhood equivalent of adolescence. Puberty 2.0, if you will. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Joining us in the academy of imperfection, Dr Edna explores the cataclysmic identity shift women undergo during motherhood, and how partners can best support them. Exploring the impacts of mastrescence with Hugh, Ryan and Josh, Dr Edna breaks down the difference between matrescence, anxiety and depression, and why mental illness is the number one pregnancy complication. We’re talking hormonal changes, physiological changes, sociological changes that are SO significant, you can see them in brain scans. Matrescence is messy, a developmental earthquake, and it’s not talked about nearly enough. This episode might just break the internet (and your heart) wide open. 0:00 – Introducing Hugh’s perinatal psychiatrist 7:30 – Matrescence? Huh? 21:14 – The biology of baby brain 34:10 – The difference between matrescence and depression 40:46 – Reasonable worry vs anxiety disorder 47:40 – The emergence of neurodivergence 54:04 – Post-natal depression 1:00:04 – Matrescence after loss 1:05:50 – Getting to know a brand new person 1:11:19 – Can women have it all? 1:18:32 – On a societal scale  1:26:12 – The paternal earthquake If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - 🫖 Other Imperfect’s episodes mentioned in this episode Bron Lewis - Is It Me or Postnatal Anxiety? - https://bit.ly/4vHn1eh 📖 Things to read Being Female: Reproduction, Power and Change, by Dana Raphael - https://bit.ly/48jC5EO The Birth of a Mother, New York Times, by Alexandra Sacks - https://bit.ly/3OjB9tp Men at Work: Australia’s Parenthood Trap, Quarterly Essay, by Annabel Crabb - https://bit.ly/4mLE8Hx 🎧Things to listen to Perinatal OCD: When ‘the happiest time of your life’ turns dark - https://bit.ly/48lx8eK 📺 Things to watch Alexandra Sacks TEDTalk on Matrescence - https://bit.ly/4tsBcCt 💻Things to check out Yerkes-Dodson Law: Stress Level - https://bit.ly/4cOT2IO peanut x Tommee Tippee campaign on matrescence - https://bit.ly/4mQDicU 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 35min
  6. Shane Jacobson - Permission To Laugh

    19 Apr

    Shane Jacobson - Permission To Laugh

    How do you make sure your kids are proud of who they are? 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy Propelled to international stardom after the release of Kenny, Shane Jacobson’s overnight success was years in the making. Joining us in the studio, Shane is incredibly generous in sharing the cataclysmic impact that humour and laughter has had on his life from a young age. Now at the age where he has attended more funerals than 21st’s, Shane talks about his realisation that he is in for the long mourn, and why he allows himself to feel joy during times of intense grief. Sharing a giggle at a funeral? Absolutely. In a beautiful moment of connection with Hugh, Shane chats about parenting the ‘premium package’ (his neurodivergent child). Shane, this was incredibly joyful. If you’d like to watch this full video on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/VHaK2fSiasA  0:00 – A bird in her where?3:19 – Butt of the joke12:34 – The evolution of good manners 17:47 – Seeking validation 27:17 – Giggle at a funeral42:00 – Autism, ADHD, Tourette’s: The Premium Package!55:58 – Becoming softer1:00:25 – Parenting your parents1:08:03 – Don’t wait for the moment1:18:04 – 5 things we can do to be warmer 🫖 Other episodes of The Imperfects mentioned in this episode Dr Emily - Truth v Harmony - https://bit.ly/4etnytQ 📺Things to watch Kenny - https://bit.ly/427rUzv Shane’s AFI win (go to 6:12) - https://bit.ly/48HyzEb 📋Check-in Questions to ask someone if they might be depressed - https://bit.ly/4dOYuNS 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 34min
  7. Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

    12 Apr

    Esther Perel - It’s Not Them, It’s You

    Are you stuck, focusing on what's wrong in your relationship? Deeply embedded in the work of intimacy, desire and relationships, psychotherapist and best-selling author Esther Perel, ask us to take a look at ourselves first, rather than listing the short comings of our partner. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this Academy of Imperfection, Hugh (who sadly was violently ill last time we talked to Esther) comes armed with questions about the mental load (with love, from Penny), and how to navigate their differing needs for affection. Ryan asks Esther whether we’re capable of falling in love with AI, and Josh wants to know why we sometimes put up walls with the ones we love the most. And, if you’ve ever asked yourself any of the below, this episode’s for you; is working from home causing social atrophy? what does it mean to be an embodied creature? what are the downfalls of a frictionless relationship? Esther, you are welcome back anytime. ANYTIME. If you want to watch this full episode on YouTube, follow this link - https://youtu.be/u5HsDD9bjRQ  🫖Other episodes of the Imperfects mentioned on this episode Esther Perel - Let’s Be Better Lovers - https://bit.ly/41m8R4f Hugh & Penny - The Elephant in the Relationship - https://bit.ly/3PPugAp 💻Things to check out Where Should We Begin? At Work card game - https://bit.ly/48jpQYJ 🎧Things to listen to Where Should We Begin - Esther’s podcast - https://bit.ly/4dtsNJK My AI Loves Me Better Than Anyone Ever Could - Where Should We Begin - https://bit.ly/4twUbeC Esther Perel on Why A.I. Intimacy Feels Safe but Isn’t Real - https://bit.ly/4sofVsf 📖 Things to read Mating in Captivity, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/3Os5Dcx The State of Affairs, by Esther Perel - https://bit.ly/48yFn74 📺 Things to watch Rethinking Infidelity TEDTalk - https://bit.ly/4seN3md Love Story - https://bit.ly/4ct63se 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects   0:00 – Intimacy: what has changed, what has stayed the same? 6:23 – This is my partner, AI 14:08 – A mismatch of affection 23:56 – Bids for connection 32:08 – Can you repair trust? 41:02 – Post-traumatic Growth 49:43 – The central hub of our needs 58:38 – The Mental Load Pt. 2 See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 11min
  8. Dr Emily - Overcome With Overwhelm?

    5 Apr

    Dr Emily - Overcome With Overwhelm?

    Looking for strategies to help deal with the overwhelm of, well, everything? Same. Dr Emily, our resident psychologist, is back in the studio to talk through overwhelm; how to greet it, how to get through it, and how to build your resilience towards it. 💌Join 6,500+ people getting our takeaways and favourite moments from this episode in our weekly newsletter - http://bit.ly/45NyQDy In this episode, Dr Emily introduces how to understand your ‘window of tolerance,’ the cost of being overwhelmed for too long, and what happens when we slip into avoidance. OF COURSE, this episode is delightfully sprinkled with practical strategies that you can do right now, in this moment, to ease the burden of the overwhelm. Dr Em, this episode was an emotional regulation for the ages. 🫖 Other Imperfects episodes mentioned in this episode Dr Emily - How to Stress Less - https://bit.ly/4tiZa2y Mick Fanning - Riding The Waves Of Loss - https://bit.ly/4s29wCI 📖 Things to read Burnout, by Emily and Amelia Nagoski - https://bit.ly/4c18Yah 💪 Things to do The Hulk Progressive Relaxation Technique - https://bit.ly/3PFv4Yq 🩷To host your own Vulnerabilitea House, purchase here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuWz 🩵To purchase our journal (or your novel) My Imperfect Life, click here - http://bit.ly/4lyuuW 🩵To join our subscriber community, A Little More Imperfects, follow this link - http://bit.ly/4mqunxu 🩷 AND you can subscribe to A Little More Imperfects through Apple Podcasts too, here - http://apple.co/theimperfects The Imperfects is not a licensed mental health service and is not a substitute for professional mental health advice, treatment or assessment. The advice given in this episode is general in nature, but if you’re struggling, please see a healthcare professional, or call lifeline on 13 11 14. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

    1hr 2min
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About

We’re all imperfect. On this podcast, founder of The Resilience Project Hugh van Cuylenburg, his good friend Ryan Shelton, and only one of their brothers, Josh van Cuylenburg, talks to a variety of interesting people who vulnerably share their own struggles and imperfections, or expertly pass on their wisdom on the subject of imperfection. Whether it’s in The Vulnerabilitea House, The Academy of Imperfection, or with our very own psychologist, Dr Emily, The Imperfects are here to find some valuable takeaways we can all apply to our own imperfect lives.

Information

  • Creator
    Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Years Active
    2019 - 2026
  • Episodes
    319
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 Hugh van Cuylenburg, Ryan Shelton & Josh van Cuylenburg
  • Show Website
    The Imperfects

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