Live Your Best Marriage Podcast

Pesa Shayo
  • 5.0 (6)
  • Christianity
  • Updated Semimonthly

The Live Your Best Marriage Podcast, hosted by Pesa Shayo, helps cross-cultural Christian couples build a united front through in-law pressure, loyalty conflicts, culture clashes, communication, faith, and family expectations. Whitney Shayo appears in selected episodes from the show archive and future conversations.

  1. 4d ago

    Why You Keep Having the Same Fight Even When You Know Better with Natalie Vartanian & Glen Nelson

    Have you ever understood exactly why you and your spouse keep repeating the same pattern, yet when the moment arrives, you still react the same way? You know who pursues. You know who withdraws. You know what triggers the argument. You may even know what you are supposed to say differently. But then your body takes over. In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with relationship and intimacy coach Natalie Vartanian and somatic practitioner Glen Nelson about why insight alone may not be enough to change a marriage. Natalie and Glen explain how old relationship patterns can live not only in our thoughts, but also in the way our bodies respond to conflict. A tone of voice, a facial expression, touch, silence, or posture can trigger a reaction that feels much bigger than what is actually happening in the moment. The conversation explores: Why highly capable couples can become highly functional but emotionally disconnected How one spouse can slowly lose their voice, needs, or identity inside the relationship What the body can reveal before you even have words for what you are feeling Why a reaction that feels much bigger than the situation may be connected to an older wound How culture, family history, and childhood experiences can influence the nervous system Why one spouse’s normal communication style may feel threatening or dismissive to the other How couples can stop making every reaction personal Why understanding a pattern intellectually does not automatically change the body’s response How spouses can help create a new relationship experience without becoming responsible for managing each other’s emotions Why conscious intimacy requires intentional time, curiosity, gratitude, and honest conversation How couples can move from being efficient roommates back toward connected partners And why creating a shared vision, or a North Star for the marriage, can help couples build something new instead of endlessly reliving the past The United Front takeaway is simple: your spouse is not necessarily the threat, even when your body reacts as though they are. A united front means becoming curious about what is happening underneath the reaction, taking responsibility for your own triggers, and learning how to create new patterns together instead of repeatedly fighting yesterday’s wounds in today’s marriage. Are culture, family expectations, in-laws, old patterns, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where family or cultural pressure may be creating a gap, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Natalie Vartanian and Glen Nelson, download their relationship ground rules, and explore their resources at: https://wakeuporbreakup.com Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, old patterns, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Welcome to the Podcast(00:01:27) - Wake Up or Break Up(00:02:38) - High-Functioning Disconnection(00:03:49) - Losing Your Voice in a Relationship(00:06:46) - The Body Keeps the Score(00:10:28) - Cultural Differences and Body Responses(00:13:07) - Nothing Is Personal: Peeling the Onion(00:14:52) - When You Know the Pattern but Can't Stop(00:16:22) - Tone, Triggers, and the Missing Experience(00:20:59) - Conscious Intimacy in Ordinary Life(00:23:58) - Managing Emotions and Owning Your Triggers(00:29:06) - From Roommates to Connected Partners(00:30:41) - Balancing the North Star and What Holds You Back(00:34:07) - Where to Find Natalie and Glen

    Why You Keep Having the Same Fight Even When You Know Better with Natalie Vartanian & Glen Nelson

  2. Sep 15

    Is It a Trigger or a Real Marriage Problem? with Stephanie McAlister

    When your spouse raises a concern, how do you know whether you are dealing with today’s problem or reacting to something from your past? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Stephanie McAlister, founder of Virtual Connect, about how past relationships, childhood experiences, anxiety, betrayal, and emotional wounds can quietly shape the way couples communicate today. Stephanie explains why a legitimate marriage problem and an emotional trigger do not always have to be separated. Both can be real at the same time. Your past may intensify your reaction while your spouse may still be raising something that genuinely needs attention. The conversation explores: How past experiences influence present-day conflict Why saying “that’s just your trauma” can dismiss a legitimate concern How couples can stop treating each other like the enemy Why friendship gives spouses more room to assume the best about each other What to do when an argument starts escalating Why taking space is different from stonewalling How to step away from conflict while clearly communicating when you will return How couples can show compassion without excusing hurtful behavior When outside professional support may be helpful Why counseling can carry different meanings in different cultures Gottman’s Four Horsemen: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling Why “that’s just how we do it in my culture” does not make an unhealthy pattern healthy How couples can create a new family culture together Why repair looks different for different couples And Stephanie’s practical “I hear, I feel” technique for stopping mind-reading before it turns into another fight The United Front takeaway is simple: your past may influence how you respond, but it does not have to govern your marriage. Your spouse is not your enemy, and your spouse is not your therapist. A healthy marriage creates room for honesty, compassion, accountability, personal responsibility, support, and repair. Are culture, family expectations, old wounds, in-laws, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where family or cultural pressure may be creating a gap, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Stephanie McAlister and Virtual Connect at: https://virtualconnect.ca Virtual Connect offers individual and couples counseling across Canada, including a free 15-minute discovery call. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction & Meet Stephanie(00:01:18) - Stephanie's Path to Virtual Counseling(00:03:36) - How Past Experiences Shape Present Conflicts(00:07:26) - Triggers vs. Real Problems(00:12:27) - Friendship, Communication & Stepping Away(00:14:19) - Compassion Without Excusing Hurtful Behavior(00:16:20) - Knowing When to Seek Professional Help(00:17:29) - Cross-Cultural Perspectives on Therapy(00:18:46) - Gottman's Four Horsemen(00:24:24) - Culture, Apology & Repair(00:26:39) - Virtual vs In-Person Counseling(00:28:00) - Practical Tip: I Hear, I Feel Statements(00:29:49) - Closing & Where to Find Stephanie

    Is It a Trigger or a Real Marriage Problem? with Stephanie McAlister

  3. Aug 21

    Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working with Nancy Pickard

    You set a boundary, but nothing changes. Your spouse feels controlled. Your parents feel rejected. You feel guilty. So was it really a boundary? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with relationship and boundary coach Nancy Pickard about what healthy boundaries actually look like inside marriage and extended family relationships. Nancy explains one of the biggest misunderstandings about boundaries: a boundary is not primarily about controlling what another person does. It is about becoming clear on what you need, communicating it respectfully, and deciding what you will do if that boundary is not honored. The conversation explores: Why people-pleasing can eventually create resentment The difference between a boundary, a request, an ultimatum, and control Why you should not set a boundary you are unwilling to keep How to communicate a boundary without attacking your spouse Why “I feel X when you do Y. Would you be willing to do Z?” can completely change a difficult conversation How husbands and wives can become a united front when setting boundaries with in-laws Why cross-cultural couples can experience intense guilt when saying no to parents or older relatives How financial help from parents can complicate marital boundaries Why money from family often comes with expectations How couples can respect their heritage without allowing previous generations to govern their marriage Why vulnerability may be one of the hardest emotional mountains couples need to climb And why healthy marriages are not free from conflict. They learn how to repair after conflict. The United Front takeaway is simple: boundaries should protect the relationship, not punish people. A husband and wife need to decide together what they will allow into their marriage, communicate those decisions as “we” instead of blaming one spouse, and remain respectful even when family members disagree. Are culture, in-laws, family expectations, divided loyalty, or guilt making it difficult for you and your spouse to protect your marriage together? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where family or cultural pressure may be creating a gap, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Nancy Pickard, her coaching, and her resources at: https://nancypickardlifecoach.com Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Cold Open: The Nature of Boundaries(00:00:17) - Meet Nancy Pickard(00:00:54) - Why Boundaries Are Misunderstood(00:01:30) - Nancy's Journey with People-Pleasing(00:04:07) - What Is a Boundary?(00:06:49) - Boundaries vs. Control(00:08:19) - People-Pleasing as Manipulation(00:10:47) - Protective vs. Containing Boundaries(00:13:54) - Setting Boundaries with In-Laws(00:18:12) - Guilt in Cross-Cultural Families(00:21:08) - Money, Family, and Boundaries(00:23:00) - Climbing Kilimanjaro: Facing Fear(00:24:31) - Vulnerability in Marriage(00:27:11) - Repairing After Conflict(00:29:08) - How to Set Your First Boundary Tonight(00:32:06) - Where to Find Nancy Pickard

    Why Your Boundaries Aren’t Working with Nancy Pickard

  4. Aug 20

    You Say Family Comes First. Does Your Calendar Agree? with Travis Murray

    Many men say their wife and children are the most important people in their lives. But when pressure hits, what does their family actually experience? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Travis Murray, host of Man in Progress: Forging Manhood, about the difference between the values men say they have and the values their everyday behavior reveals. Travis shares openly about work pressure, panic attacks, people-pleasing, emotional defensiveness, and reaching a point where the life he was living no longer matched the husband and father he wanted to be. The conversation explores why a wife’s concern can feel like an attack, how men can recognize what happens inside their body before defensiveness takes over, and why taking a short pause can help them return to difficult conversations instead of running from them. They also discuss: How inherited beliefs about manhood quietly shape marriage Why men can treat their wives like the enemy when they actually feel overwhelmed The difference between aspirational values and the values your behavior reveals Why your calendar and spending show what you truly prioritize How working hard and paying the bills can still leave your family feeling emotionally neglected Why saying “I’m sorry” is only the beginning of repair How follow-through and changed behavior complete an apology Why boundaries matter when work begins competing with family How Travis uses his SWORD framework to help men realign their lives with their values What fathers are teaching their children about communication, apology, boundaries, and manhood The United Front takeaway is simple: saying that your family comes first is not enough. Your spouse and children should be able to experience that priority in how you spend your time, make decisions, handle pressure, repair mistakes, and show up at home. Your spouse is not the enemy. The pressure, old patterns, defensiveness, and divided priorities are the problems you need to face together. Are work, family expectations, culture, divided loyalties, or repeated conflict making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Listen to Travis Murray on Man in Progress: Forging Manhood and follow his work for more conversations about values, marriage, fatherhood, communication, and becoming the man your family can trust. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, work pressure, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Aspirational Values vs Shadow Values(00:00:22) - Introducing Travis Murray(00:00:49) - When Family Values Don't Match Reality(00:03:55) - Panic Attacks and Living Someone Else's Life(00:05:42) - Feeling Attacked vs Taking Accountability(00:07:50) - Calming Down Before Responding(00:11:25) - Evidence Your Family Really Sees(00:13:03) - Putting Family on the Calendar(00:14:07) - Leaving the People-Pleasing Job(00:15:24) - Emotional Presence Over Just Providing(00:16:40) - Reassessing Your Values and Making Change(00:19:06) - Apology vs Real Repair(00:22:49) - Boundaries and the SWORD Framework(00:26:10) - Legacy and What Kids Will Remember(00:28:07) - Health Effects of Living Aligned(00:28:44) - Final Advice for Struggling Dads(00:31:01) - Where to Follow Travis

    You Say Family Comes First. Does Your Calendar Agree? with Travis Murray

  5. Aug 19

    When You Become the Father You Swore You’d Never Be with Mike Forrester

    What happens when you become the husband or father you promised yourself you would never become? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa Shayo talks with men’s transformational coach Mike Forrester about generational patterns, anger, fear, shame, forgiveness, and what it takes for a man to become safer and more present with his wife and children. Mike shares openly about recognizing his own father’s words and behaviors coming out of his mouth, even after promising himself he would parent differently. He explains how unresolved childhood pain can quietly shape a man’s marriage and fatherhood, why anger often becomes the only emotion some men know how to express, and how fragile pride can make correction feel like an attack. The conversation explores how men can take responsibility without being trapped in shame, why explaining where a behavior came from is different from excusing it, and why lasting change has to begin with the man himself rather than waiting for his wife or children to change first. They also discuss: How childhood patterns repeat without us realizing it Why children may begin managing a father’s anger instead of trusting him How a wife can raise concerns when her husband is already carrying deep insecurity Why rebuilding trust takes longer than simply saying “I’ve changed” How forgiveness can free a man without pretending the past was acceptable Why boundaries and forgiveness can exist together How fathers can ask their children what has hurt them and actually listen Why it is never too late to become a different husband, father, and eventually grandfather The United Front takeaway is simple: your spouse and children are not your enemies. The pain you inherited does not have to become the pain you pass down. A united front begins when we stop defending destructive patterns, take responsibility for what we are bringing into the home, and become the kind of husband and father our family can trust. Are anger, family-of-origin patterns, culture, loyalty conflicts, or old wounds making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Mike also offers a free anger assessment for men who want to better understand what may be underneath their anger: https://whatsbehindyouranger.com Listen to Mike’s Living Fearless Today podcast and follow his work for more help breaking generational patterns and becoming a more present husband and father. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, old family patterns, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introduction and the generational pattern(00:00:22) - Meet Mike Forrester(00:00:55) - Confronting inherited pain(00:01:35) - Admitting you were wrong(00:02:47) - Anger as the only allowed emotion(00:03:55) - A father's painful confrontation story(00:05:18) - Mike's honest confession about his parenting(00:06:59) - Repeating the cycle despite good intentions(00:08:11) - It's never too late to change(00:09:17) - Change must start with yourself(00:11:49) - Rebuilding trust takes time(00:15:30) - Giving grace through the process(00:16:02) - Explaining behavior vs taking responsibility(00:18:02) - Letting go of past excuses(00:20:25) - Wives raising concerns safely(00:23:47) - Managing emotions in a relationship(00:25:24) - Recognizing your pain hurting others(00:27:00) - Taking responsibility versus deflecting(00:29:24) - The role of forgiveness(00:32:39) - Practical steps to start tonight(00:36:01) - Resources and closing thoughts

    When You Become the Father You Swore You’d Never Be with Mike Forrester

  6. Aug 18

    Your Children Are Watching Your Marriage with Jennifer Bosma

    What are your children learning about marriage, faith, forgiveness, and family simply by watching you and your spouse? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa Shayo and Whitney Shayo talk with Christian children’s author and Front Parking Spot podcast host Jennifer Bosma about the powerful example parents create inside their own homes. Jennifer shares what she has learned through nearly four decades of marriage, raising three daughters, becoming a grandmother, teaching children, and helping Christian families pass their faith to the next generation. The conversation explores how husbands and wives can remain a united front when they disagree about parenting, why parents should handle disagreements with each other instead of recruiting their children to take sides, and how small practices such as praying together, eating dinner together, putting down the phones, apologizing, forgiving, and simply having fun can shape the atmosphere of a home. They also discuss: Why children need present parents more than perfect parents How husbands and wives can support each other’s parenting decisions Why spouses should give each other the benefit of the doubt How couples can grow spiritually together without one spouse constantly pressuring the other Why apologizing to your spouse and children models Christian humility What changes when your children become adults and begin building families of their own Why marriage should look like something your children would actually want for themselves And Jennifer’s surprisingly simple advice for strengthening your marriage this week: dance together and have fun The United Front takeaway is simple: your children are not only listening to what you teach about faith, love, grace, and marriage. They are watching how you live those things with each other. A united front does not mean Mom and Dad agree about everything. It means your children see two parents who communicate, repair, forgive, pray, have fun, and refuse to turn each other into the enemy. Are culture, in-laws, divided loyalty, parenting expectations, or family pressure making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Jennifer Bosma and her Christian children’s books at: https://jenniferbosma.com You can also listen to the Front Parking Spot podcast and follow Front Parking Spot for more encouragement on faith, motherhood, and family. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, parenting, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Children Need Present Parents(00:00:34) - Welcoming Jennifer Bosma(00:01:39) - Becoming a United Front in Parenting(00:03:11) - What Children Need Most Today(00:05:52) - Navigating Different Parenting Styles(00:10:01) - Husband as Spiritual Leader(00:12:48) - Simple Faith Practices for Families(00:16:01) - Overcoming Mom Guilt and Mistakes(00:19:40) - Teaching Christian Values Through Children's Books(00:23:46) - Lessons From 37 Years of Marriage(00:28:33) - One Thing to Strengthen Your Marriage This Week(00:31:15) - Where to Find Jennifer Bosma

    Your Children Are Watching Your Marriage with Jennifer Bosma

  7. Aug 17

    What 3,000 Proposals Reveal About Lasting Love with Ash Fox

    What can more than 3,000 marriage proposals teach us about knowing, choosing, and continuing to pursue the person we love? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Ash Fox, founder of Ash Fox Proposals and host of The Proposal Podcast, about what makes a proposal meaningful and what those same lessons can teach couples long after the wedding. Ash shares how she unexpectedly helped create an entirely new proposal-planning industry, why the best proposal is not necessarily the biggest or most impressive one, and why truly knowing your partner matters more than copying something you saw online. The conversation explores how personality, family expectations, religion, and culture shape proposals, why some people want a private moment while others love a public celebration, and how couples can honor family traditions without allowing everyone else to take over a moment that belongs to the couple. They also discuss why important conversations about marriage should begin before the proposal, how family pressure can complicate engagement, and why couples should continue pursuing and learning each other years after saying “I do.” One of Ash’s biggest lessons for married couples is simple: stay curious. Your spouse is still growing and changing. Continue asking questions, noticing what brings them joy, creating new experiences together, and bringing fresh energy into your own life. The United Front takeaway is clear: knowing your spouse does not end when they say yes. Strong couples continue choosing, learning, and pursuing each other while deciding together how family, culture, faith, and outside expectations will fit into the marriage they are building. Are culture, family expectations, in-laws, or divided loyalties making it harder for you and your spouse to stay on the same side? Take the free United Front Quiz at: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com/quiz In just a few minutes, you will discover where your marriage is strong, where it may be vulnerable to family and cultural pressure, and your next step toward becoming a true united front. Learn more about Ash Fox and her proposal-planning work at: https://ashfoxproposals.com Follow Ash on Instagram at @ashfoxproposals and listen to The Proposal Podcast for more advice and conversations about proposals, engagement, and relationships. Chapters (00:00:00) - Introducing Ash Fox and Her Proposal Business(00:01:17) - How Ash Got Started Planning Proposals(00:09:39) - What Makes a Proposal Truly Meaningful(00:17:03) - Honoring Family and Cultural Traditions(00:21:49) - When to Discuss Cultural Differences Before Proposing(00:29:31) - Reigniting Pursuit and Romance in Marriage(00:34:53) - What People Misunderstand About Lasting Love(00:38:29) - Where to Find Ash Fox

    What 3,000 Proposals Reveal About Lasting Love with Ash Fox

  8. Aug 6

    Is Being on the Same Team Killing Your Marriage? with Kristen and Roger Mansourian

    Can a husband and wife be united without agreeing on everything or losing their individuality? In this episode of Live Your Best Marriage, Pesa talks with Kristen and Roger Mansourian about the difference between healthy teamwork and a marriage where one spouse feels pressured to surrender their preferences, emotions, or autonomy. Kristen and Roger explain how couples can honor different decisions without turning disagreement into rejection. They also share what weddings and mortgages reveal about relationships, how hidden financial expectations damage trust, and why couples must discuss money before resentment begins growing. The conversation also explores: How couples become roommates instead of lovers Why managing your spouse’s emotions can weaken the relationship How unspoken expectations create resentment Why financial secrecy can feel like betrayal How cultural differences shape communication and money decisions What polarity means in everyday marriage How couples can preserve attraction, playfulness, and intimacy Why structured money dates can make difficult conversations easier The United Front takeaway is clear: unity does not require sameness. A strong marriage gives both spouses room to be honest, make responsible choices, and bring different strengths to the relationship while remaining loyal to the marriage they are building together. Are money, family expectations, culture, in-laws, or repeated disagreements making you feel like you and your spouse are no longer on the same side? Visit liveyourbestmarriage.com and take the free United Front Marriage Audit. In about three minutes, you will discover where your marriage unity is strong, where it may be breaking down, and what your next step should be. Start here: https://liveyourbestmarriage.com Click “Take the Free United Front Audit.” Learn more about Eight Money Dates at: https://eightmoneydates.com Listen to Kristen and Roger’s podcast, We Love Our Family, But Damn, on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and Substack. Live Your Best Marriage helps cross-cultural Christian couples stop fighting each other and start facing culture, in-laws, loyalty conflicts, family expectations, money, and boundaries as one united front. Chapters (00:00:00) - Redefining Same Team(00:00:40) - Podcast Introduction(00:01:13) - Meet Kristen and Roger Mansourian(00:03:10) - The Wedding Invitation Story(00:07:10) - Advice for Wives: Expect the Best(00:08:26) - Lessons from the Wedding Industry(00:10:48) - Cross-Cultural Money Expectations(00:11:39) - What the Mortgage Process Reveals(00:13:16) - When a Partner Hides Money(00:14:53) - Hiding Finances: Their Own Story(00:16:37) - Cultural Communication Styles(00:17:30) - Managing a Partner's Emotions(00:19:15) - When Husbands Manage Their Wives(00:22:46) - Understanding Polarity(00:24:50) - Warning Signs You're Losing Polarity(00:26:41) - Is This Just Artificial Romance?(00:28:31) - Introducing Eight Money Dates(00:31:25) - A Breakthrough Money Date Story(00:34:28) - One Conversation to Have This Week(00:35:50) - Where to Find Kristen and Roger(00:36:50) - Closing Thoughts

    Is Being on the Same Team Killing Your Marriage? with Kristen and Roger Mansourian
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About

The Live Your Best Marriage Podcast, hosted by Pesa Shayo, helps cross-cultural Christian couples build a united front through in-law pressure, loyalty conflicts, culture clashes, communication, faith, and family expectations. Whitney Shayo appears in selected episodes from the show archive and future conversations.

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