In this episode of The Hidden Why Podcast, I sit down with Dr. Suzan Song, adult and child psychiatrist, medical anthropologist, humanitarian adviser, and author of Why We Suffer and How We Heal. Drawing on more than two decades of working with children, families, refugees, and communities affected by war, displacement, and adversity, Suzan offers a fascinating perspective on what helps human beings endure difficult times and continue to find meaning, connection, and even joy. At the heart of our conversation are what Suzan calls the "three friends of winter": narrative, ritual, and purpose. Together, we explore why suffering isn't determined solely by what happens to us, how the stories we carry shape our experience, why belonging is essential to well-being, and what Western approaches to mental health may be missing. This is a powerful conversation about learning to live well without waiting for life to become easy. Suzan's experience working with child soldiers, refugees, and survivors of extreme adversity. She explains why resilience doesn't mean being unaffected by difficult experiences, but rather learning how to continue moving forward despite them. We also explore how memories and unconscious narratives can influence our relationships, work, and everyday reactions, and why insight alone is often not enough to create lasting change. The conversation also examines the role of ritual in helping us process grief, transition, uncertainty, and change. Suzan explains how small, everyday rituals can create emotional safety, connection, and a sense of stability during challenging times. We explore why high achievement doesn't necessarily lead to meaning or fulfilment, and how purpose, agency, belonging, and resilience are deeply connected. Suzan also shares insights into what Western approaches to mental health can learn from more community-oriented cultures, particularly when it comes to connection, collective support, and finding meaning through relationships with others. The Three Friends of Winter Suzan describes three powerful resources we can turn toward during life's difficult seasons: Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose. Narrative is about understanding the story by becoming aware of the stories, memories, and assumptions that shape how we interpret what is happening to us. Ritual is about embodying change through meaningful actions and transitions that help us process experiences rather than simply thinking our way through them. Purpose is about finding direction by connecting ourselves to something beyond achievement and understanding where and how we matter to others. Together, these three elements can help us continue living meaningfully, even when uncertainty remains. Key Topics Discussed: Suffering isn't only about what happens to us. The meaning and expectations we attach to an experience can profoundly shape how we We don't need to wait for life to become stable before we start living. Joy, love, contribution, and meaning can exist alongside uncertainty. Insight needs action. Understanding our patterns matters, but rituals help translate awareness into lived change. Belonging is fundamental to wellbeing. Healing isn't always an individual project; relationships and community matter enormously. Purpose doesn't have to be grand. Sometimes it begins with a much simpler question: Who do I matter to, and how? About Dr. Suzan Song: Dr. Suzan Song, MD, PhD, is an adult and child psychiatrist, medical anthropologist, author, and humanitarian adviser. For more than two decades, she has worked with children, families, and communities affected by war, forced displacement, trafficking, and adversity around the world. Her work bridges psychiatry, anthropology, global humanitarian policy, and human development, exploring how individuals and communities can cultivate agency, belonging, resilience, and flourishing even amid profound uncertainty. She is the author of Why We Suffer and How We Heal, which explores how narrative, ritual, and purpose can help us navigate life's inevitable challenges. Action from This Episode: Take a moment today and consider Suzan's question: "Who do I matter to, or who do I want to matter to, and how?" Then choose one small action that expresses that purpose. It might be calling someone, helping a colleague, spending uninterrupted time with your family, contributing to your community, or simply being more present with another person. Purpose doesn't always arrive as some magnificent calling. Sometimes it's found in remembering that we matter to one another. Peace, passion, and purpose. Resources & Links: Get Dr. Suzan Song's book on Amazon: Why We Suffer and How We Heal: Using Narrative, Ritual, and Purpose to Flourish Through Life's Challenges Website: Dr. Suzan Song Connect with Dr. Suzan Song: Instagram LinkedIn Facebook
