Good, God-fearing people. Dangerously uninformed.
Liked
- Their counsel to weigh all advice against scripture
- Their recognition of the pastor’s bad advice
- Their willingness to agree that separation is a good thung
However, they advise women in abusive situations to set boundaries with their husbands—apparently not realizing that can exacerbate the abuse.
- No mention of safety planning
- No mention of where to find more information about domestic violence
- Blaming victims as “too passive” and “you just need to set boundaries”
I’d recommend Marie Fortune’s book “Keeping the Faith: Guidance for Christian Women Facing Abuse.” While it doesn’t address all the forms of abuse we now recognize, she uses sound reasoning, good scriptures, and combines that with actual experience with domestic violence victims and knowledge of domestic violence.
For information about domestic violence in marriage—it is a problem of the abuser abusing and attitudes of entitlement, not “passive, submissive” women—read anything by Lundy Bancroft. Worked with over 1000 abusers. Nationally recognized and the preeminent expert in this field.
Be aware that
- abuse always escalates. Whatever abuse the victim is aware of, there’s always more she’s not aware of.
- victims need professional assistance in recognizing abuse and getting to safety. National hotline for domestic violence can put them in contact with local shelters
- shelters can often offer housing for victims of non-physical forms of abuse (if they have space...it fluctuates, even on COVID).
- marriage counseling is contraindicated in abuse. Could get her beaten or worse. She needs counseling by someone who understands domestic violence. He needs 1-2 years in a program for abusers.
If you are looking for a way out of the Egypt that is an abusive marriage, seek His help—and wise, informed counsel. He can deliver you.
