Sometimes knowing exactly what you need to do doesn't make it any easier to actually do it. If you have ADHD, anxiety, or another neurodivergence, you may be familiar with the experience of looking at a task that should be relatively simple and finding yourself completely unable to start. The longer it sits there, the more emotions build around it—frustration, disappointment, guilt, anxiety, and eventually shame. Brendan Mahan calls that emotional barrier the Wall of Awful. In this special bonus episode of Embracing Intensity, Brendan joins our community to celebrate the release of his new book, Overcoming the Wall of Awful: Why It's Hard to Get Things Done with ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety, and How to Do Them Anyway. We explore what the Wall of Awful actually is, the ways we try to get around it, and why some of our most familiar strategies may get us moving while creating other problems along the way. Brendan also shares some of the ideas he expands on in the book, including active and passive climbing, nervous system regulation, anxiety, rejection sensitivity, and why asking for help can have such a high barrier to entry. Our community brought their own experiences into the conversation, particularly around guilt, shame, asking for help, and the tendency to assume we're a burden before giving someone else the opportunity to decide whether they have the capacity to help. About Brendan Mahan Brendan Mahan is an ADHD coach, educator, speaker, and host of the ADHD Essentials Podcast. Before moving into ADHD support and education, he spent about a decade working in schools in roles ranging from special education teacher to interim principal. Brendan created the concept of the Wall of Awful to describe the emotional barriers that can make it difficult for people with ADHD and other forms of neurodivergence to initiate tasks. His new book, Overcoming the Wall of Awful, expands on the concept with practical strategies for understanding those emotional barriers and finding more sustainable ways through them. Brendan is also involved with Calmer Con Boston, a sensory-sensitive comic book and pop culture convention designed to be more accessible to people with autism, ADHD, anxiety, and other needs. In This Episode: What the Wall of Awful is and how emotions accumulate around tasks we struggle to start How disappointment, guilt, shame, rejection, and isolation can become "bricks" in our walls The five ways we respond to the Wall of Awful: staring at it, going around it, smashing it, climbing it, or putting a door in it How staring, going around, and smashing relate to freeze, flight, and fight responses Why anxiety and anger can get us through the wall while taking a toll on ourselves or our relationships How climbing the wall involves accepting the task, our emotions, or both before we can move toward action The difference between active climbing and passive climbing How smartphones and constant stimulation can interfere with the quiet mental processing that helps us work through emotions Using music, nature, movement, and "soft fascination" to give our brains space to process Why nervous system regulation sometimes means activating ourselves and sometimes means soothing ourselves The difference between guilt ("I made a mistake") and shame ("I am the mistake") Giving ourselves permission to have ADHD, autism, anxiety, giftedness, or other differences without turning our struggles into character judgments Why asking for help can have such a high upfront cost for neurodivergent people How we sometimes choose a harder task because it has a lower barrier to entry Figuring out whether difficulty asking for help comes from control, trust, overwhelm, rejection sensitivity, or not knowing what kind of help we need How breaking a task apart can allow someone else to take even a small portion off our plate The idea that letting other people help us can also mean letting them love us Why we may undervalue what we offer others while overvaluing what they do for us How sensitivity to other people's needs can lead us to decide for them that our request is "too much" The connection between rejection sensitivity and avoiding the vulnerability of asking Ask culture, guess culture, and how our communication backgrounds shape our comfort with making direct requests Why the person receiving help gets to determine the value of what we gave them Looking at failure more realistically instead of treating every mistake as catastrophic How rejection sensitivity can make a small mistake feel like "failing the class" when we really just missed one question on a quiz What Brendan added to the book beyond his original Wall of Awful videos Why change, relapse into old patterns, forgiveness, systems, habits, and planning are all part of getting past our walls Getting Past the Wall Brendan describes five basic responses to the Wall of Awful. We can stare at it, go around it, smash through it, climb it, or put a door in it. Staring, going around, and smashing map closely to our stress responses of freeze, flight, and fight. Smashing can work—we may use anxiety, anger, pressure, or harsh self-talk to force ourselves into action—but getting something done doesn't necessarily mean the strategy was sustainable. Climbing and putting a door in the wall offer other possibilities. Climbing involves working through and accepting what's happening internally until we're able to move forward. Putting a door in the wall means changing our emotional state so that the task becomes more accessible. Music, movement, body doubling, changing environments, or spending time with supportive people can all potentially create that shift. Active and Passive Climbing One of the ideas Brendan expands on in the book is the distinction between active and passive climbing. Active climbing includes intentionally working through the task and the feelings surrounding it, using strategies to make initiation easier, or creating something concrete that helps you engage. Passive climbing happens when we give our brains enough space to process in the background. Going for a walk, standing in line without reaching for your phone, listening to music, spending time near water, or engaging with something gently interesting can give the brain room to process emotions, learning, and ideas without demanding our full attention. For neurodivergent people who are also prone to rumination, that mental space may need some direction. Brendan talks about using music, nature, and other forms of soft fascination to help steer the mind without overwhelming it. Asking for Help Asking for help sounds simple until you consider everything that may have to happen first. You have to recognize that you need help, figure out what kind of help you need, determine who might be able to provide it, explain what needs to be done, and tolerate the possibility that they might say no. Sometimes doing everything ourselves feels easier simply because it has a lower barrier to entry. We talk about the role of trust, control, rejection sensitivity, and fear of being a burden, as well as the possibility that other people may genuinely want to help. Brendan shares a reframe he's been working with himself: when helping others is one of the ways you show love, refusing to let anyone help you can also mean refusing to let them show their love for you. About Overcoming the Wall of Awful Brendan's book goes far beyond the original Wall of Awful concept many people first encountered through his videos with Jessica McCabe of How to ADHD. The book explores the Wall itself, anxiety and the resources and skills we use to solve problems, and then digs deeper into the different ways we try to get past the Wall. Brendan devotes additional attention to climbing, including the new concept of passive climbing, before moving into change, systems, habits, self-forgiveness, and planning. The book is designed to be practical and approachable, with chapter summaries, action steps, mascots for key concepts, and appendices and worksheets that readers can return to when they're facing their own Wall of Awful. Resources: Overcoming the Wall of Awful: Why It's Hard to Get Things Done with ADHD, Autism, and Anxiety, and How to Do Them Anyway by Brendan Mahan ADHD Essentials Podcast Brendan Mahan's Wall of Awful videos with Jessica McCabe of How to ADHD Learn more about Shane Join the Embracing Intensity Community for access to the full Guest Call Library
