Sex Positive Families

Sex Positive Families
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  • SEXUALITY

Support to help caring adults have sexual health talks with children

  1. 03/19/2018

    012: Courtney Brame | Shaking STI Stigma

    I recently had the pleasure of being a guest on a podcast called Something Positive for Positive People hosted by Courtney Brame. His podcast offers a safe space for people living with or affected by sexually transmitted infections (STIs) like herpes and HIV to share their experiences as a way to shake the shame and stigma that exists around these diagnoses. He originally invited me on his podcast to talk sex ed and SPF but little did he know, I too am a person living with HSV2 (herpes simplex virus type 2), and I’m not at all ashamed. So on this episode, I chat with Courtney about his journey toward the great work he is doing shaking stigma around STIs. Our chat touches on why accurate and open talks at home about sexual health are so important, some tips for managing herpes diagnoses, and he shares a really innovative connection he made between the horror film IT and social stigma around herpes.  For additional information about herpes and other sexually transmitted infections, visit the CDC’s online info here or Planned Parenthood here. Want to connect with Courtney? Check out the Something Positive for Positive People podcast on your favorite podcast platform such as Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Podbean, Podchaser or Podbay. Follow on Instagram here, Twitter here, Reddit here, Tumblr here or follow Courtney on Facebook here. If you’d like to connect with Courtney one-on-one about herpes resources and support options, you can contact him via email at courtneywbrame@gmail.com. And as always: Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for regular sex-positive content and updates. Sign up for our email list Leave a review in Apple Podcasts to let us know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. This gives us great feedback from our community as well as expands the reach and visibility so we can serve more families! TRANSCRIPT {Soft instrumental music plays as introduction}  {Person speaking} Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex-positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us!  Melissa Carnagey: “Hi Families, I recently had the pleasure of being a guest on a podcast called, “Something Positive for Positive People” hosted by Courtney Brame. His podcast offers a safe space for people living with or affected by sexually transmitted infections like herpes and HIV to share their experiences as a way to shake the shame and the stigma that exists around this diagnosis. He originally invited me on his podcast to talk sex ed and SPF, but little did he know I too am a person living with HSV2 and I’m not at all ashamed! So on this episode, I chat with Courtney about his journey toward the great work he is doing shaking stigma around STI’s. Our chat touches on why accurate and open talks at home about sexual health are so important, some tips for managing herpes diagnosis, and he shares a really innovative connection he made between the horror film, ‘IT,’ and social stigma around herpes. Let’s check it out!” M.C.: “Hey Courtney, so I am excited to have you on the SPF podcast!” Courtney Brame: “Melissa thank you very much for having me, always nice to connect with other people who are doing positive things.” [Laughter] M.C.: “Yes.” C.B.: “Pun intended.” M.C.: “I know we are going to dive deep into some very important topics here today, but before we do that I would love for you to tell us about the journey that has led you to the work that you’re doing now.” C.B.: “So what led me to the work that I’m doing, first off contracting herpes was probably a big part of it. Having herpes for going on six years now, I think that the ups and downs throughout that have led me to my personal experiences which I felt would represent well. But I think that the biggest piece that led me to openly discussing herpes and speaking with people living with STDs, not just herpes, but HIV as well, that came from me meeting someone in my dating experience and connecting with her and figuring out how her experience was, and when I found out that she, this particular person, had at one point contemplated suicide it became something that I wasn’t aware of. I never thought to myself, someone gets herpes they want to end their lives, because I’ve always thought suicide as being, with the people around me who have done it or have thought about it, the absolute worst things are going on in your life and you’re ready to end it. But as someone who’s had herpes for several years, coming to find out what having herpes meant to me before I got it, wasn’t exactly what it meant to me after I got it, if that makes sense?” M.C.: “Yeah, that makes sense.” C.B.: “Like they were two different things. So, after she mentioned to me that she had contemplated suicide at one point I just thought, hmm that’s weird. And then I started to see it again and again, in different chat rooms or social media secret groups and I was just like this is silly to me. And not necessarily silly because everyone has their own experience living with herpes but when I got to hear other peoples’ experiences and understand that it can be really painful, or rejection can be a big thing, or there are so many different unexplored areas that I’ve come into connection with that hadn’t ever even crossed my mind. It just felt like I needed to put more experiences into these people’s faces the only way that I knew how, and given that I’ve worked at a podcast ad agency and I’ve had to listen to A LOT of podcasts, it immediately clicked to me like okay, there’s anonymity here, it’s just audio, you can still feel the passion or the feeling the emotion in the person’s voice, so like this is probably a good way to get a point across that having herpes isn’t all that bad. So I found a few people who were willing to talk to me and allow me to record the conversation. Some people were okay with using their real name, some people were open about it, some people were not but ultimately what’s happened is we’ve been able to get a few stories out there just to let the newly diagnosed people know there is an alternative option to suicide if you get past that point when you decide, “okay, I’m gonna live. I’m going to learn to live with this.” Then you can go on to have a normal life. You can have a family. You can have a partner. You can have the kind of sex life you want. You can have the career field you want and ultimately the people who find out we have herpes don’t really care. You know unless it’s a prospective partner, or you know a partner actually after someone’s diagnosed after being in a relationship. I think that the most important thing really is for newly diagnosed people to recognize there are resources out there for them. There’s social groups, interest groups, dating groups. There are all these different things. It took me five years to find and not a lot of people have five years. Some people get diagnosed right away and immediately go down that dark path of “this is the rest of my life and they think that what they thought about having herpes before they got herpes, is what having herpes is going to be like, and that’s not the case.” M.C.: “You’re right. There’s so much shame and stigma that our society and our culture, American culture, in particular, has projected onto sexually transmitted infections. It paints a dark picture and puts people in real isolating places. Are there any other common experiences or themes that you’ve heard come through some of the guests and folks that you’ve been able to connect with through the platform?” C.B.: “Yeah, a lot of the people who I speak with are at a place of acceptance with their diagnosis, some people are single. Some people are struggling today and it’s not even related to herpes. Some people are in relationships or have left toxic relationships. There are so many different perspectives I’ve come across in the twenty-seven, twenty-eight episodes that we’ve done so far. In the first one we had a lady who was a victim of infidelity, the partner cheated, she was in a marriage and left her with herpes and he left and went to his mistress. Her having to recover from that, was a story we just don’t ever really hear from. There was another one where people contracted herpes through kissing, or some people were born with it or at some point just don’t even know how they could have come into contact with it…” M.C.: “Right.” C.B.: “and I think that the most interesting thing is how we immediately look at how negatively- how our sex lives are now going to be affected as opposed to how we can positively use this as an opportunity to impact other things going on in our lives. So we all think, “oh I’m gonna be single no one is going to want me..” and just completely related to sex and that’s not always the case.” M.C.: “What I’m thinking too is, a big component of this is the lack of accurate, honest and shame-free sex education. These messages that start from early, if we were able to better prepare our young people for their sexual health, which can include risks, which can include infections, right? Transmission of different infections, then I think we can get closer to eliminating this stigma that’s been associated with it. So, I’m curious what was your personal experience in terms of sex education? And in what ways, if any, do you feel like your path in sex education may have impacted your own diagnosis or understanding of your diagnosis early on? C.B.: “My sex ed

    38 min

  2. 03/12/2018

    011: Ryan Dillon | Supporting Trans & Queer Youth

    In this episode, we dive into the gender spectrum exploring how parents and caring adults can support transgender youth. I chat with Ryan Dillon, a licensed professional counselor in private practice at Pride Counseling Austin, who specializes in working with trans, LGBQ+ youth and their families. Ryan offers an empathetic safe space for folx to explore their identities and also teaches comprehensive sex ed classes to middle school-aged students with an organization and curriculum called Unhushed. This episode offers empowering perspectives on how we can support gender identity and expression for the children in our lives. Want to connect with Ryan? Check out Pride Counseling Austin and sign up for the monthly newsletter here. Follow on Instagram here and like on the Facebook page here. Learn more about the Unhushed organization and comprehensive sex education curriculum here. For additional Austin-area and national resources for transgender and queer youth: OutYouth in Austin, Texas Central Texas Transgender Health Coalition  National Center for Transgender Equality Gender Spectrum And as always: Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for regular sex-positive content and updates. Sign up for our email list Leave a review in Apple Podcasts to let us know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. This gives us great feedback from our community as well as expands the reach and visibility so we can serve more families! TRANSCRIPT {Soft instrumental music plays as introduction}  {Person speaking} “Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex-positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us!” {Same Person Speaking}  “Hi families, in today’s episode we dive into the gender spectrum exploring how parents and caring adults can support transgender youth. I chat with Ryan Dillon, a Licensed Professional Counselor in private practice at Pride Counseling Austin who specializes in working with Trans, LGBTQ+ youth and their families. Ryan offers an empathetic safe space for folx to explore their identities and also teaches comprehensive sex ed classes to middle school age students with an organization and curriculum called, Unhushed. This episode offers empowering perspectives on how we can support gender identity and expression for the children in our lives. Let’s have a listen.” M.C.: “Hi Ryan it is amazing to have you on the SPF podcast. How are you? Ryan Dillon: “I’m doing well. Thank you for having me!” M.C.: “Thank you so much. We are excited to learn from you and to get us started; what has your journey been to the work that you’re doing now?” R.D.: “Of course! I grew up in a very accepting family, and I feel very privileged to have done that. I had parents that were always encouraging when I wanted to express my selves in something that was out of societal norms, which happened quite a bit since I was a very expressive young child and then a very, let’s say, handful as a teenager. And I was always expressing myself very feminine and wearing traditional women’s clothing, and not once did they bat an eye at it. It set me up for a lot of confidence going forward, and when I say confidence I don’t mean like chest puffed up being able to walk into a room being able to speak to anybody. I’m very much an introvert, but it was confident on the inside is more of what I mean. I had a really good sense of who I was, and when it was time for me to come out to my parents, I felt very confident in doing so and sitting my parents down and telling them that I was gay was extremely easy. I mean, I have the type of parents that I was like, “Mom, Dad, I’m gay,” and my dad says, “Okay, tell us when you start having sex so we can make sure you’re safe.”  M.C.: “Awe, yeah.”  R.D.: “So I had a very sex-positive family from the start and very gender positive parents as well.  And getting older and growing up in southern Kentucky was hard.” M.C.: “mmm…I bet.” R.C.: “Yeah a lot of southern Kentucky is more afraid and nervous about things they don’t understand and being able to express that, threw a lot of people off. And more often than not it did put me in some dangerous situations, but I always knew I had a support system with my friends and parents who I knew I could always turn to; and like I said I was always very privileged with that. I got older. I went to college. Got out of Southern Kentucky, which was nice. Kinda the more traditional college story where you got in, you’re going through four years and then you get close to your senior year and you’re like, “What am I gonna do with the rest of my life? And I was a communications bachelor’s degree. I kinda stumbled on counseling and I fell in love with it. I did my internship during school in a very southern Kentucky town called Elizabethtown, and if anyone has ever seen the Orlando Bloom movie, uhm that’s a lie it doesn’t look anything like that.” M.C.: [Laughter] “Don’t believe the lies!” R.D.: “Yeah, that’s rose-colored glasses. It does not look like that! But I had this amazing supervisor who they were like, “Who do you not want to work with?” And I was like, “teenagers,” and they were like, “great you’re gonna work with teenagers!” and I can confidently say the rest is history. I primarily work with teenagers now. I love the population. I love working with queer youth and young adults. It’s fantastic. I became known for seeing trans and non-binary youth in Kentucky and figuring out that in a very small, conservative community that it’s very much needed because there is not education around even when parents wanted to be accepting. It was difficult for them to be accepting because there was nothing around them kind of helping them. There were no resources. It’s not like in a city like Austin where you can go down the street and find a lot of organizations.” M.C.:樂威壯 t: 400;”> “Right.” R.D.: “So they wanted to be accepting, but it came across as a whole lot of microaggressions to their children. And seeing how that affects children in the long run, that even if one day their parents become accepting it’s really hard to let go of things your parents have said in the past. So I set on the professional journey of helping queer youth and young adults, and not just them but also their parents. And giving the parents resources they need to create a better family system for their children. So that’s kinda how I got to where I am today.” M.C.: “Wow, that is amazing your path informed your ability to be able to then serve others. You mentioned the word microaggressions, can you help us understand for anyone that may not understand what that means?” R.D.: “Yeah, of course! In the sense that I mean it with working with transgender and non-binary youth, it’s when parents come in and they really don’t understand what they are saying. Like they will come in and they’ll say things like, “They’re too young. They don’t know who they are,” or “It’s just a phase.” Things that kind of chip away at their kid’s personality or their sense of being. It’s those things that kinda get lodged into the back of your head. It’s sometimes easier to get over the big things people say to you, like the things that people need to say to you. A lot of the time it can take a lot of work but it can be easier to get over that. But if you have someone close to your heart like a family or a close friend who says things like, “oh it’s a phase,” or “oh you’re too young you don’t know what you’re talking about,” that can get lodged in your head. And I work with a lot of clients who even after their parents become accepting and I’ve worked with them on language, and teens and the youth still have issues with wanting to talk to their parents, because that’s lodged into their minds, “they’re not going to take me seriously. I’m just a teenager. Why would they take me seriously?”  M.C.: “What have you found to be some breakthrough moments in terms of the parents understanding that their young person is identifying as they are even if it’s not along the binary?” R.D.: “I think it’s a lot of different things. A lot of it is breaking down the societal construct of gender because it’s so black and white, this or that and it’s hard for parents to step out of that. And with that societal construct of gender, we also have a societal construct of what it means to be a parent. Those two go hand-in-hand where they’re really fused together, along with like parenting and sex. There’s a lot that your “supposed to do” as a parent – quote on quote. And it’s bringing those walls down and being able to allow those parents to see that gender is vast, it’s a galaxy, and it’s beautiful! You just have to trust that your child knows who they are, and that is a big thing for parents to do, is that trusting in their child no matter how young they are. You have to trust your child that they have a sense of themselves and take them seriously, validate it and allow them to explore it. It’s very important to allow a child to explore their identity, and I’m finding a lot of parents become more comfortable and have breakthroughs when they allow their child to explore their identity. Whether it be a sexual orientation identity or a gender identity, and they see their child get happier and a lot of things they brought them initially to counseling for kinda elevates. It doesn’t make everything go

    27 min

  3. 01/14/2018

    003: Dr. Uchenna ‘UC’ Ossai | Demystifying Our Pelvic Floor

    In this episode, I talk with sex-positive pelvic health physical therapist, sex educator and counselor, Dr. Uchenna ‘UC’ Ossai. UC demystifies the correlation between pelvic health and sexual health, defining for us what the pelvic floor is, why it is so important to sexual health and functioning, and discusses some common issues people can experience. We also learn some background into what ignited the work she is doing in the medical field as well as in her sex education work for grown folks via her platform, YouSeeLogic. Want to connect with UC’s services and content? Visit her website here and follow her on Instagram here to catch the Bourbon Talez and Swagger Tips series. Catch Dr. UC live-streaming as a Pleasure Professional every Tuesday at 4pm Pacific/7pm Eastern to learn more about pelvic health and sexual health. Additional resources : To find a pelvic health practitioner near you, visit pelvicrehab.com. And as always: Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for regular sex-positive content and updates. Sign up for our email list Leave a review in Apple Podcasts to let us know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. This gives us great feedback from our community as well as expands the reach and visibility so we can serve more families! TRANSCRIPT {Soft instrumental music plays as introduction} {Person speaking} Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex-positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us!  {Same person speaking}            Hi Families, so an important part of being a sex-positive family is maintaining the sexual wellness of the adults in the equation. Parents or caretakers can model attention to our sexual health, which sets a living example and gives our children permission to follow suit.  So on this episode, I had the pleasure of learning about the connection between pelvic health to sexual health from Dr. Uchenna Ossai who is a pelvic health physical therapist and AASECT certified sexuality counselor. Alongside her work in the medical field, she also has her own business called “You See Logic” which is a platform that focuses on improving the sexual intelligence of adults through innovative content and honest discussion that is free of judgment. That’s actually how we became connected, I watched her ‘Bourbon Tales’ series that she does on Instagram, so make sure you go follow her @YouSeeLogic so that you can get some grown and sexy sexual health information. So get comfy, and get ready to learn about sexual health and pelvic health because the doctor is in! Melissa Carnagey: “Alright, so we have with us Dr. Uchenna Ossai, or better known as You See Logic, thank you so much for joining us today.” Uchenna Ossai: “Thank you, I am so happy to be here with everyone. I’ve been a pelvic health physical therapist for about 7 years now, and really what started my journey was an internship when I was about 15 years old, a summer internship, with a wonderful woman named Kathy Tesco in Dallas, TX. When I interned with her I thought originally that it was just a regular orthopedic physical therapy job. But it was actually a pelvic health physical therapy job. She saw women and men with pelvic floor issues, so I thought: ‘Wow, this is amazing’, it ignited something deeper in me. I thought I wanted to either do business or med school, I was one of those nerdy kids who did Med School Camp and Math Camp. I thought this is it, this is what I’m going to do and when I did this job I thought whoa, I felt at home. So the reason why I went to P.T. (physical therapy) school was to be a pelvic health P.T. (Physical Therapist). I had an interesting journey, I went to college in Boston, I went to Boston University and I was in their Masters Physical Therapy Program, as a freshman. But I partied too hard and was like I want to enjoy college life. I don’t want to be in a Master’s Program at 18. So I switched majors, and then came back to my senses once I graduated and thought, “I do want to be a P.T.,” so I just did research for two years and went to grad school at 24.” M.C.: “Wow, so you’ve been in practice since then or do they have clinical work or how does that work?” U.O.: “So I did a 3-year clinical doctorate program and that’s the terminal degree in physical therapy so that leads to a PharmD or a doctor in nursing. Then I went on to do my residency in women’s health at Washington University in Saint Louis. And then I was practicing for a couple of years before I decided to do some other post-graduate work at the University of Michigan at Ann Arbor, at their sexuality education…(corrects self) Sexual Health Certificate Program. That’s where I was actually able to get a lot of didactic learning and clinical mentorship for treating patients with sexual dysfunction because I didn’t have anything like this. There wasn’t anything like this in P.T. school. There wasn’t anything like this in my residency where I learned to be a pelvic health physical therapist. When you’re treating people who have complex pelvic floor dysfunction and are dealing with urinary incontinence, constipation, painful sex, general pain… you name it. Of course, they’re coming to you because they want to stop having bladder accidents or they want to stop having pelvic pain but that also impacts their sexual function, and that impacts your whole sense of self and identity. I felt a huge lack of competency and knowledge in addressing these needs for my patients. Literally, for the first couple of years, I was just reading as many books as I could, trying to take courses here and there. I felt like I needed to do something more and that’s why I did the Michigan program.” M.C.: “Wow…and you… kind of speaking on that, you are one of three licensed physical therapists with this certification. Is that right?” U.O.: “Yeah, yeah I’m one of three pelvic health physical therapists in the world with an AASECT Certification in Sexuality Counseling. I’m also a Board Certified Women’s Health Clinical Specialist, which it’s kind of like being a board-certified Ob-Gyn so your gynecologist went to med school and then did 4 years of residency, then sat for their boards to be a gynecologist, and so that’s the physical therapy version of that.” M.C.: “Gotcha, gotcha. What intrigued you about and drew you to sexual health? Did you have any type of early experiences or curiosities or anything that tied you to this specific area?” U.O. “You know I wish I could tell you there’s one specific thing but I have to say now that we’re talking to Sex Positive Families, it was my mother… it was my mom. My mother is like a Nigerian tour-de-force. You know, she’s a chemist… M.C.: “Shout out to Mom!” U.O.: “She’s a superstar. She’s a chemist. She’s an immigrant. She is a fierce Catholic. So it was really interesting growing up in a house where your mother is a scientist but also a hardcore Catholic, who goes to church twice a week. And she tells you to stay virginal until you’re married but that sex is supposed to be a pleasurable experience. And that you shouldn’t give it away to some guy but then she’s also saying that masturbation is okay. I would go to church three times a week because I was in parochial school my entire life until I went to college. It was very interesting ‘cause she wasn’t afraid to talk to us about sex. I feel like my sister and I lucked out with our mother because here she is trying to raise children in a certain religious belief system, but then also recognizing that she separated the religious belief with the sexual component. But then she also didn’t because she still firmly wanted us to be virgins, but not be virgins until marriage but until we were in love with someone until we were in a mutually respectful relationship. And that is a very radical thing for a hardcore Catholic mommy to say to her daughter. And it wasn’t because she was like ‘oh my precious female child, you know you need to stay pure for your man.’ It was more because she wanted us to have a beautiful experience, she wanted us to be able to give our whole selves to the person that was with. Even now I struggle with that because I’m like ‘Mom I’m not giving myself to anyone. I’m experiencing sex and you told me that was supposed to be mutually pleasurable experience…’ and she’s like ‘Of course, of course,’ and I think for her there is some patriarchal kind of ideologies that slip in there, even when she’s trying to be a very progressive parent. Not for the sake of being progressive but for the sake of her children, you know?  Because this is a woman who came from Nigeria, who was born and raised in Nigeria, in an environment where female genital mutilation was a common practice. I think from watching that and seeing that in her life, she wanted her children to have a robust experience but also be in line with our Catholic beliefs at the time… with her Catholic beliefs, at the time.” M.C.: “Wow, that’s something that so many people are challenged with and struggle with, just those deep-rooted beliefs…” U.O.: “But I also want to say I still hid the fact that I was having sex from my mom…(Laughs) I just want to make that clear…” M.C.: (Laughs) “You’re not alone I think a lot of people listening can certainly raise their hand to that…” U.O.: “Oh yeah… It wasn’t like I was like ‘Mommy I’m having all these great orgasms with

    38 min

  4. 01/12/2018

    002: Kristin Hambridge | Talking Tricky People, Healthy Boundaries & Unsafe Touch

    Keeping our children safe is a top priority of parents and caring adults especially in the context of sexual health. In this episode, I talk with licensed clinical social worker and sex therapist, Kristin Hambridge (aka ‘SexStuffwithKristin’), about strategies caring adults can use to promote body autonomy, self-awareness and a sense of safety within our children. Kristin explains the concept of ‘tricky people,’ why it is important to allow your child choice, fostering healthy body boundaries, and teaching your child how to connect with their gut instincts. She emphasizes that these strategies are not about being scared but being prepared. Want to connect with Kristin’s services and content? Visit her website here and follow her on Instagram here. Be sure to subscribe to her YouTube channel for sex-positive videos here. Resources referenced in this episode: Safely Ever After, Inc by Pattie Fitzgerald Do You Have a Secret? (Let’s Talk About It!) by Jennifer Moore-Mallinos RAINN (Rape Abuse & Incest National Network)- Safety Support for Parents Additional resources for families And as always: Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for regular sex-positive content and updates. Sign up for our email list Leave a review in Apple Podcasts to let us know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. This gives us great feedback from our community as well as expands the reach and visibility so we can serve more families! TRANSCRIPT {Soft instrumental music plays as introduction}  {Person speaking}  Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex-positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us!  {Person speaking} Hello families! So since starting Sex Positive Families, one of the most requested topics parents and caring adults seek consultation on is safety. How can we raise sexually healthy children and keep them safe from harm?  Because this is such an important piece of parenting in a sex-positive way, I decided we should start here and give you some knowledge and strategies to approach this aspect more confidently.  So on today’s episode, I have Kristin Hambridge who is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and Sex Therapist working toward her board certification from AASECT.  If you’re on Instagram and follow sexual health content, then you may know her already as @sexstuffwithkristin. Kristin is a blogger and contributing writer for a number of online magazines as well as a YouTube vlogger covering a myriad of sexual health and sex-positive topics.  Alongside her professional passions, she is a parent of a three-year-old son, so she is living sex-positive parenting every day. This episode has a wealth of safety tips and strategies for parents and caring adults, so let’s get started. Melissa Carnagey: “We are on today with Kristin Hambridge. Some of you may know her as @sexstuffwithkristin (now @sexstuffwithkris). Kristin, how are you?” Kristin Hambridge: “I am good. Thanks for having me! I’m really excited to be on your podcast! This is awesome.” M.C.: “We are so excited to have you and we are excited to pick your brain because you do a lot for the community in terms of sexual health messages and really getting creative, or as you coin at your shop, ‘a little snarky with it’, and so I’m excited to have you in this space.  I’ve been a follower for a while now and I love your content and I know that there are a lot of listeners who feel the same way.  You create blogs, you create vlogs on a range of sex-positive and sexual health topics. You’re a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, but tell us about your journey to this work that you’re doing now.” K.H.: “So as you said, I’m a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and after a period of years of working with children, teens, and adults, I felt like there was a big part of my work that was missing. That was, making sure that I was trained and had expertise in sex, sexuality, and gender.  It felt like something that is so important, but unfortunately not in all higher education, as far as social work and licensed mental health counseling and some doctoral programs, it’s not a huge focus, which is a problem and needs to be changed. But I think that there’s a lot going on that’s moving in that direction.  I felt like that was an aspect of my studies that was missing and it was coming up so often in the work that I was doing in lots of different ways. So, I decided to go back and work towards my board certification in Sex Therapy through the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists. So, that’s currently what I’m doing, I’m very close to finally getting my certification. I have all of the educational pieces done as far as the courses I need to take and things like that, I’m just finishing up on my supervision hours that are required with a board-certified Sex Therapy Supervisor. So I’m doing that now, and that’s kind of the direction I’ve gone.  Like I said I’ve worked with so many different people from all socioeconomic backgrounds, different demographics and you know one thing I think that we absolutely have in common, even though there are lots of things we have in common, is sex and sexuality. That’s kind of where that brought me.” M.C.:  “Yeah, we have that common thread, yet especially in America, you know there’s such a taboo and such shame and such secrecy surrounding sex, sexual health and sexuality. This then makes it challenging certainly as a parent, you know, when you move into that role and you’re trying to raise the next generation and educate.  We often as parents did not get the fullest education, and perspectives in preparation for that. So aside from all that you have worked for in terms of your career path, personally, you can relate in terms of parenting, is that right?”  K.H.:  “Yes I have a 3-year-old son. So I am kind of in the thick of a lot of this, right? Because 3- year-olds are super curious, they ask a ton of questions. They want to know about their own bodies, they want to know about the bodies of people who are important in their lives.  So while I have this educational training, I’m also probably like many of your listeners in these situations all the time I spend with my son, who’s asking a billion questions about everything, and it’s really been, it’s so fun. It can be exhausting, obviously, as I’m sure many of your listeners can relate to. But it’s fun! You totally see the world in general in a different way through the eyes of your kids.  But absolutely, when it comes to sex and sexuality, because it starts at birth, really. You know, questions and education all of those things start so, so young that, like you said, many of us don’t have a lot of support or the education to always feel comfortable and always feel like we know what the answers should be, or how to best direct our kids.  So that’s why it’s really great to have podcasts like these and social media and blogs /vlogs and all that stuff, because we can really create a supportive environment as parents for one another and help each other feel competent, feel good and feel like we have a handle on something. Because parenting, you know, we often feel like we don’t have a handle on much. At least, I am speaking for myself (M.C. interjects and says “Oh yeah”) too, about those times when we say “I don’t know what I’m doing!” (Laughs) M.C.: (Laughs) It’s the total imposter syndrome where we’re out there, just the struggle. So, one topic that’s definitely really important, and especially as we talk about nurturing our younger children, is around safety and around healthy boundaries, and so that’s really what we’re going to explore in this episode.  So one thing that recently, and I shared this in our Facebook Group not too long ago, it was kind of eye-opening for me, was that transition now from the concept of “stranger danger” to “tricky people”. Can you help us understand that?”  K.H.: “Yeah so “tricky people” was coined by Patty Fitzgerald of “Safely Ever After”. The idea of tricky people is that strangers… Oftentimes, the people who are potentially grooming or looking towards our kids in a way that is not appropriate are people that we know.  So according to RAINN,which is the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network, 93% of perpetrators were known to their victims. Which is huge, right?  So, when we were young, the idea of strangers was sort of based out of this idea that if you’re playing outside, someone you don’t know, typically someone who is male-identified, who’s probably creepy looking, right? This whole “scary-looking guy” idea…” M.C.: “Who is in a van with a dog they want you to pet…” (laughs) K.H.: “Right. This idea we were sort of told of that is how it happens, and don’t go with strangers, right?  But, like I said, oftentimes the people who are looking towards our kids in inappropriate ways are actually people they know. So, the idea of tricky people is essentially that a tricky person can be any adult, right?  This is somebody who tries to engage in a child in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable or hurts them in some sort of way. And so when we talk to our kids about tricky people, it’s sort of tricky people versus safe grown-ups. So, for example, a safe grown-up doesn’t ask a kid for help, safe grown-ups ask other grown-ups for help. Kind of going back to the whole “Can you help me with directio

    36 min

  5. 01/11/2018

    001: Welcome to Sex Positive Families!

    SPF is now podcasting! This first episode of the Sex Positive Families podcast welcomes parents, caring adults and sexual health advocates to join us as we dive into topics that strengthen sexual health talks in families. Get to know the host and founder, Melissa Pintor Carnagey, how SPF got its start, what sex-positivity and parenting have to do with each other, and what you can expect from this community moving forward. Melissa also shares some shout-outs to those that have supported SPF’s launch and mission, because it definitely takes a village! This podcast will challenge you to shake the shame and trash taboos around your sexual health and help you see the amazing role you can play in influencing healthier outcomes for the children in your life. We’re so glad you’re joining us! Be sure to follow us on Instagram, Twitter and YouTube for regular sex-positive content and updates. Sign up for our email list Leave a review in Apple Podcasts to let us know how much you’re enjoying the podcast. This gives us great feedback from our community as well as expands the reach and visibility so we can serve more families! TRANSCRIPT {Soft Instrumental music plays as introduction}  {Person speaking}  Welcome to Sex Positive Families where parents, caring adults, and advocates come to grow and learn about sexual health in a supportive community. I’m your host, and the founder of SPF, Melissa Carnagey. Join me, and special guests, as we dive into the art of sex positive parenting. Together, we will shake the shame and trash the taboos to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in our lives. Thank you so much for joining us!  {Same person speaking}  Hey Families, it’s Melissa Carnagey with Sex Positive Families, and I am excited because this is the introductory episode of the podcast. We are transforming the platform and bringing information, knowledge, strategies, perspectives, and sex positivity in parenting, straight to your ears. Thank you so much for tuning in.  This introductory episode is going to be all about calibrating all of us. Who am I, how did Sex Positive Families get it’s start, what is sex positivity and how does it relate to parenting and children, some topics that we’re going to be covering this season, and lastly some shout-outs because nothing is done truly alone. There are a lot of folx that have been along this path with me in these last six months and have contributed to the success of Sex Positive Families, so I want to shine light on them.  First, who am I? I am a licensed social worker in the state of Texas. I have been working in the field of sexual health for the last ten years. I’ve had positions in direct services, so in case management, and then in program management and then I transitioned to macro level, so working for the state government as a consultant in the realm of HIV, STD and sexual health.  In 2017 I received my certification as a life coach. My focus is on parent empowerment coaching. I was able to tie these two pieces together of sexual health  and of parenting and coaching. That’s really kind of the foundation and focus of Sex Positive Families and the services that we offer.  But the biggest role that I have and the most relevant and my real “why” is in my role as a parent. I am a parent to three children: I have an eighteen year old daughter who is a freshman in college, an eight year old son, and then a four year old “bonus” son with my partner, Ryan. So our family is rich, when it comes to the love and the support and the levels of communication that we share between us.  We use a lot of strategies regularly with all three of our children that really speak to ensuring that they have the knowledge, the autonomy and the confidence to approach their sexual health in their bodies, their relationships with others. All of those things are discussed as they continue to develop. In age appropriate ways, we are approaching these different topics with all of them because we want them to be fierce, we want them to be empowered, we want them as emerging adults to have wonderful sex lives and not to experience some of the things that I know I’ve experienced, and that many of you all listening have experienced as well.  As you know we all have our sexual health journeys and we can kind of think back and point to: Where did we first learn about sex? Where did we first get those messages about our bodies and whether they were worthy enough? This is what we seek to do in being parents in sex positivity is create another story, a more empowered experience, and a more informed experience for our next generation.  So, again I’m so excited that you all are joining me in this, and that you are looking for the unique perspectives of the guests that I will bring on to this show. There are so many different angles to sexual health and to sex positivity, and the different ways that folx are living their lives in honor of these missions and goals.  I believe that parents and caring adults are the number one influencers in children’s lives. We can’t rely on our school systems, like it or not. Our school systems, especially in America, are very flawed and in terms of providing sex education there are so many inconsistencies across the United States. Big chunks of information, especially as it relates to pleasure, are left out of the discussion when it comes to sex ed and sexual health. So we can’t rely on our schools to give all of the information that’s going to prepare our children to have healthy sex lives and healthy futures when it comes to their bodies.  That puts a lot of responsibility on us and that’s good news though because we have the highest influence and we spend some real pivotal times with our children. And  the goal is that we create homes of safety and of honesty, so when there is that curiosity that they have when something comes in their path that has to do with sexuality or sex that they’ll feel safe enough to ask us those questions and not be shamed, not have it be a big secret or taboo because those are those things that ultimately inhibit them and could potentially impact their safety. We have a big job and again the goal of Sex Positive Families is to empower parents and to help parents feel confident and competent when approaching these discussions.  SPF got its start six months ago, and it was my transition from my nine to five. I was feeling boxed in, like I have more creative energy, and more to my story, then all that I had worked toward. I was reaching certain levels of success, but it wasn’t fully fulfilling me. It wasn’t feeling like a good fit, which was an identity shaker because of course I worked so hard for my social work degree and the path that I had walked up to that point, but I had to listen to my gut. So I took a big risk. I took a chance. I quit my job, and I thankfully have a very strong support in my partner Ryan and with our children.  It wasn’t but a week after leaving my position that the light bulb went off in a conversation with a colleague and I really was like “I want to help work with parents. I want to help them realize the influence they have when it comes to providing sexual health knowledge and support to their children.”  The very next day I started researching, well what does this look like, and what other companies or businesses or services are out there doing this? That’s where it really all began and it has not stopped since. A lot of the work so far has been on social media across our platforms, and so we’ve been building an audience of followers and of families, and of like minded folx, and even folx that are intrigued and interested and want to learn, from across the world, literally across the world. I feel so honored, and so grateful to be walking this path with so many of you, and knowing that there are so many more to come, because you all are sharing the information and the word about SPF, so the reach is just expanding.  Let’s talk a little bit about what sex positivity is and how it relates to parenting and children. When we talk about sex positivity, really it’s about embracing sexuality. Sex is natural, its a natural part of the human experience. But definitely in our American culture, it can be much more limiting, much more taboo, much more sex negative. And so that can be really confusing if this is what you’ve grown up around and you’ve had these kinds of limits and certain schemas set up a certain w犀利士 ay that support that more “sex negative” and closed off approach. But sex positivity, it promotes consent, and  pleasure, and body positivity, and honest, comprehensive sex education, as well as inclusivity. It’s not about marginalizing, or limiting, or taboo or shame. It doesn’t make moral distinctions between things like sexual orientation, or gender identity, or something like masturbation. It’s about tolerance and empowerment.  This is the definition of sex positivity that our work is based on, but I’m definitely going to, as we move through this podcast and meet a lot of really interesting folx and advocates and families, I’m really going to ask what is your definition of sex positivity, and how is it playing out in your life? Because it can mean so many different things. But it is really about an openness, and an acceptance of sexuality as it is naturally, and with consent of course.  So how does it relate to children and families? Well, like I mentioned, our school system is not reliable when it comes to providing comprehensive sex education and sexual health information so parents and families are number one influencers. That’s another thing that when we talk about families here we’re not speaking of one type of family or an example a nuclear family or anything like that. Family is really defined by you, the individual, and that can be through

    21 min
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