Therapy Is Expensive So Here We Are

Isaac J. Medina
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  • Society & Culture
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Being a teacher is basically group therapy… if group therapy included standardized testing, last-minute meetings, and kids who treat your profession like a suggestion. Therapy is Expensive, So Here We Are is the unfiltered, slightly sarcastic, but ultimately real podcast where we break down mental health, education, and parenting—without the hefty co-pay. Hosted Isaac J. Medina, this is your weekly dose of insight, humor, and just enough cynicism to keep you sane.

  1. Episode 18: When Forever Ends: Finding Yourself After Divorce

    1d ago

    Episode 18: When Forever Ends: Finding Yourself After Divorce

    Who are you when the life you built your identity around no longer exists? For many people, divorce isn’t just the end of a relationship, it’s the beginning of an identity crisis. Long after the paperwork is signed and the logistics are settled, another question remains: Who am I now? In this episode of Therapy Is Expensive So Here We Are, we continue our series on divorce, grief, and healing by exploring one of the most overlooked consequences of relational loss: the loss of self. Marriage often becomes intertwined with our identity in ways we don’t recognize until it’s gone. We become spouses, providers, protectors, caretakers, peacemakers, or the person who always holds everything together. When those roles disappear, it can feel as though we’ve disappeared with them. This conversation isn’t about blaming an ex-spouse or reliving the details of a failed relationship. Instead, it’s an invitation to examine the identities we’ve built, the masks we’ve worn, and the unhealthy narratives we’ve accepted about our worth. Together, we’ll explore why so many people unknowingly attach their value to the roles they play and how divorce can expose not only the end of a relationship but also the parts of ourselves we’ve neglected, abandoned, or hidden. We’ll talk about the psychological concept of role-based identity, the danger of defining yourself by what you do for others, and why losing a relationship can feel like losing your entire sense of purpose. We’ll also step into the deeper work of shadow work and self-reflection. Were you trying to be the hero? The fixer? The person who never caused conflict? The “perfect” spouse? Sometimes what hurts the most isn’t simply losing someone we loved, it’s losing the version of ourselves we believed we had to become in order to deserve love. From a faith perspective, we’ll wrestle with a powerful truth: our identity was never meant to begin with marriage, career, success, or even failure. Long before we carried titles or responsibilities, we were known by God. When life strips away the labels we’ve relied on, perhaps it’s not punishment, perhaps it’s an invitation to rediscover who we were always created to be. Healing isn’t about becoming the person you were before the relationship. It’s about becoming the person you’ve been growing toward all along. Whether you’ve experienced divorce, the end of a long-term relationship, the loss of a friendship, or any life transition that has left you wondering who you are, this episode offers a compassionate space to ask difficult questions without rushing toward easy answers. Because sometimes the most courageous thing we can do isn’t rebuild our old life. It’s allowing ourselves to become someone new. ⸻ In this episode, we discuss: Identity after divorce and major life transitionsGrief beyond the loss of a relationshipRole-based identity and emotional healthShadow work and self-awarenessCodependency, people-pleasing, and the rescuer mindsetFaith, purpose, and finding your identity in GodEmotional healing and personal growthMental health, resilience, and rediscovering yourself If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone who may be struggling to rediscover themselves after loss. Don’t forget to follow Therapy Is Expensive So Here We Are, leave a rating or review, and join the conversation as we continue exploring the intersection of mental health, faith, relationships, and the stories that shape who we become. Because healing doesn’t start with having all the answers. It starts with asking the right questions.

    33 min
  2. Episode 17: The Death of a Marriage Happens Before the Divorce

    1d ago

    Episode 17: The Death of a Marriage Happens Before the Divorce

    We often think divorce begins with paperwork. With lawyers. With court dates. With moving boxes. With someone finally saying, “I’m done.” But the truth is, most marriages don’t end in a courtroom. They end in silence. In this deeply reflective episode of Therapy Is Expensive So Here We Are, we explore a difficult but necessary reality: the death of a marriage almost always happens long before the divorce itself. Relationships rarely collapse overnight. More often, they erode through unresolved pain, unmet needs, emotional distance, broken trust, and the slow accumulation of moments where two people stop reaching for one another. This episode isn’t about assigning blame or debating the legal, moral, or theological complexities of divorce. Instead, it’s an invitation to acknowledge the grief that accompanies the loss of a relationship—and to recognize that divorce is not simply a legal event but an emotional, psychological, and spiritual death. Together, we’ll examine what it means to grieve someone who is still alive. We’ll discuss why society has rituals for physical death but almost none for the loss of a marriage, and why so many people feel isolated in a grief that others cannot see. If you’ve ever mourned the future you thought you were building with someone, this conversation is for you. We’ll also confront the uncomfortable truth that sometimes you can do everything “right” and still lose the relationship. In a culture that often promises formulas for saving marriages, we’ll wrestle with the reality that healing, repentance, forgiveness, and reconciliation cannot be forced by one person alone. From a faith perspective, we’ll consider the difference between believing God will save every relationship and believing God remains faithful even when relationships fail. Scripture does not promise that every marriage will survive, but it consistently points us toward a God who walks with people through suffering, loss, and ultimately, redemption. Before there is resurrection, there is burial. Before there is new life, there is honest grief. We’ll also spend time exploring the shadow side of divorce: the identities we lose along with the relationship. Who are we when the roles we’ve carried for years disappear? What happens when we can no longer define ourselves as spouse, rescuer, peacemaker, or fixer? Sometimes the end of a marriage exposes not only what happened between two people but also the parts of ourselves we’ve hidden behind those roles. Whether you’ve experienced divorce personally, are walking alongside someone who has, are watching your marriage struggle, or are simply navigating another kind of significant loss, this episode offers a compassionate space to acknowledge what has died without rushing toward easy answers. Because healing doesn’t begin by pretending it didn’t hurt. It begins by telling the truth. If this conversation resonates with you, consider sharing it with someone who may be quietly carrying the grief of a relationship that ended—or one that is slowly slipping away. You never know who needs permission to mourn what the world can’t see. Topics Covered: Divorce and emotional griefThe slow death of relationshipsFaith after relational lossIdentity after divorceEmotional and spiritual healingShadow work and self-reflectionGrief, Hope, and RedemptionMental health and relationships If this episode encouraged you, be sure to follow Therapy Is Expensive So Here We Are, leave a rating or review, and share it with someone who needs the reminder that even when life falls apart, honesty can become the first step toward healing.

    40 min

  3. May 26

    Episode #16 When Peacekeeping Becomes Self-Abandonment

    (Blended Families × Boundaries × Spiritual Maturity) There’s a difference between creating peace and constantly avoiding conflict. But for many people, especially inside blended families, that line slowly becomes harder to recognize. In this episode, we explore the emotional cost of becoming the person who is always trying to keep everything stable. The one who absorbs tension quietly. The one who chooses patience over reaction, silence over confrontation, and emotional restraint over honesty in order to keep the household functioning. At first, peacekeeping can look like maturity. Like wisdom. Like love. You tell yourself you’re being understanding. You avoid unnecessary arguments. You stay calm for the sake of the children, the relationship, or the emotional atmosphere of the home. And sometimes, those instincts truly are healthy. But over time, constantly suppressing your own emotions to maintain stability can slowly turn into something else: self-abandonment. This episode unpacks how emotionally responsible people, especially parents and stepparents, can unintentionally lose touch with themselves while trying to protect everyone else from discomfort. We talk about what happens when emotional regulation becomes emotional suppression, and how years of “choosing your battles” can eventually leave someone disconnected from their own needs, voice, and identity. Blended families often create unique emotional pressures. Many people become hyper-aware of tone, timing, reactions, and underlying tension. They learn how to carefully manage emotional environments because conflict can feel especially disruptive in already complicated family systems. The problem is that constantly managing tension can slowly teach people that their own honesty is dangerous. So they stay quiet. They over-accommodate. They minimize their needs. They carry frustration privately. And eventually, they begin disappearing emotionally inside the very relationships they’re trying to protect. This conversation also explores the role faith can play in reinforcing these patterns. Many people are taught that being spiritually mature means always keeping harmony, staying quiet, endlessly sacrificing, and avoiding conflict whenever possible. But healthy peace and unhealthy peacekeeping are not the same thing. Real peace often requires truth. Boundaries. Difficult conversations. Honesty without cruelty. Peacekeeping, on the other hand, often depends on suppression, and suppression can look holy for a very long time, especially when everyone around you benefits from your silence. We also talk about the resentment and emotional numbness that can quietly build underneath chronic self-erasure. Not because someone is selfish or unloving, but because carrying emotional responsibility without space for your own humanity eventually takes a toll. At its core, this episode is about learning the difference between emotional maturity and emotional disappearance. Because being patient should not require losing your voice. Being loving should not require abandoning your needs. And keeping peace should not come at the cost of your identity. If you’ve spent years trying to stabilize relationships while quietly feeling disconnected from yourself… If your version of “being mature” has started feeling emotionally exhausting… If you’ve confused silence with wisdom because honesty felt too risky… This episode is for you. Because peace that requires your silence is not peace. And sometimes the healthiest thing emotionally responsible people can do is finally allow themselves to exist fully inside the relationships they’ve been trying so hard to protect.

    28 min

  4. May 25

    Episode #15: Loving Children You Didn’t Choose

    (Step parenting × Grace × Shadow Work) There’s an uncomfortable reality about blended families that many people are afraid to say out loud: Love doesn’t always arrive instantly. In this episode, we explore the emotional complexity of step parenting and what it means to intentionally love children you didn’t choose, in a family structure that often comes with grief, uncertainty, divided loyalties, and emotional pressure. Blended family conversations are often built around hopeful expectations. People talk about becoming “one big family,” about instant connection, about love naturally smoothing everything over with enough time and effort. But real relationships rarely develop that cleanly. Trust takes time. Emotional safety takes time. Attachment takes time. And when those things don’t happen immediately, many step parents quietly begin questioning themselves. Why does this feel harder than I expected? Why doesn’t connection always come naturally? Why do I feel guilty for struggling emotionally sometimes? This episode gives language to those questions without shame. Because step parenting requires a kind of emotional leadership that many people underestimate. It often means stepping into relationships that already carry history, wounds, routines, and loyalties you didn’t help create. And while there can be deep love inside those relationships, there can also be exhaustion, confusion, resentment, grief, and emotional distance that people rarely feel safe admitting openly. Not because they don’t care. But because they’re human. We talk honestly about the myth of the “instant family” and how unrealistic expectations can create emotional performance instead of authentic connection. We unpack the guilt many stepparents carry when bonding doesn’t feel automatic, and why emotional closeness cannot be forced through pressure, self-condemnation, or trying to perform perfect love. This episode also explores a quieter but important truth: Sometimes love is not immediate emotion. Sometimes love is consistency. It’s showing up repeatedly. Remaining patient during tension. Maintaining emotional steadiness when relationships still feel uncertain. Choosing care before comfort. And in many ways, intentional love may actually be one of the deepest forms of love there is. We also examine how faith conversations around family can unintentionally oversimplify emotional realities. Advice like “love covers all” or “treat them like your own” may come from good intentions, but they can leave stepparents feeling ashamed when complicated emotions still exist underneath the surface. Grace is not pretending difficult feelings don’t exist. Grace is learning how to navigate them honestly without abandoning people in the process. At its core, this conversation is about giving people permission to stop measuring their family against unrealistic emotional timelines. Healthy blended families are not built through forced closeness or constant emotional perfection. They are built gradually through trust, consistency, safety, patience, and time. If you’ve ever felt guilty for struggling emotionally inside a blended family… If you’ve questioned whether your love is “enough”… If you’ve been trying to lead with patience while quietly carrying complicated emotions yourself… This episode is for you. Because love inside blended families is often quieter than people expect. And sometimes the strongest form of love isn’t immediate emotional certainty, It’s the decision to keep showing up honestly while trust grows slowly over time.

    44 min

  5. May 25

    Episode #14: The Loneliness of Being the Steady One

    (Step parenting × Emotional Leadership × Faith) There’s a kind of loneliness that doesn’t come from being physically alone. It comes from being the emotionally steady one. The one who stays calm during conflict. The one who absorbs tension before it spreads. The one who regulates themselves so everyone else can feel safe. And over time, that role can become incredibly heavy—especially inside blended families where emotions, loyalties, routines, and histories are constantly intersecting beneath the surface. In this episode, we explore the invisible emotional labor that many stepparents and blended-family parents quietly carry every day. Stepparenting is often discussed in practical terms—discipline, routines, communication—but much less attention is given to the emotional leadership the role demands. Many stepparents find themselves acting as emotional shock absorbers inside their households, learning how to de-escalate conflict, choose their words carefully, remain patient under pressure, and maintain stability during emotionally tense moments. The difficult part is that this kind of leadership rarely gets acknowledged because it often works best when nobody notices it. Over time, emotional steadiness can stop feeling appreciated and start feeling expected. This episode talks honestly about the exhaustion that comes from constantly being “the calm one,” especially when your own emotional needs begin slipping further into the background. It explores the quiet resentment that can build when your patience becomes assumed, your effort goes unseen, and your emotional regulation is mistaken for endless capacity. We also unpack how faith can complicate this dynamic. Many caregivers and stepparents are taught that love means constant sacrifice, constant patience, and constant availability. While those values matter deeply, there’s a difference between Christlike love and emotional self-erasure. Jesus served people compassionately, but He also withdrew, rested, and set boundaries. Somewhere along the way, many people internalized a version of faith that glorifies emotional exhaustion as maturity. But burnout is not always holiness, and carrying everyone else emotionally does not make your own humanity less important. This conversation also gives language to something many stepparents feel guilty admitting: resentment. Not because they don’t love their families, but because leadership without recognition can slowly make someone feel emotionally invisible. You can deeply love your family and still feel overwhelmed by the responsibility of holding things together. You can care deeply and still need support. And you can be emotionally mature without disappearing entirely in the process. At its core, this episode is about recognizing that emotional leadership is still leadership—even when it’s quiet, unseen, and rarely acknowledged out loud. If you’ve ever felt like the emotional anchor in your household… If people depend on your steadiness but rarely ask what it costs you… If you’ve been carrying the invisible labor of maintaining peace while quietly feeling exhausted yourself… This conversation is for you. Because being the steady one does not mean you stop being human. And sometimes the strongest thing emotionally responsible people can do is finally tell the truth about how heavy it’s been carrying everyone else.

    35 min

  6. Apr 12

    Episode #13 When Creativity Starts to Feel Like a Chore

    Creativity is supposed to feel freeing. Like an outlet. Like a way to process the world, not escape from it. So what happens when the very thing that once gave you life… starts to feel heavy? In this episode, we explore the quiet, often unspoken reality of creative burnout, the moment when passion slowly turns into pressure, and expression begins to feel more like obligation than release. For many creatives, the beginning is simple. You create because something moved you. Because you saw something worth capturing. Because you needed to make sense of what you were feeling. There’s no audience to impress. No consistency to maintain. No expectation beyond the act itself. But over time, that changes. Creativity becomes something you have to keep up with. Something that needs to be consistent, visible, valuable. You start thinking about how your work is received, whether it’s good enough, whether it’s worth sharing, or whether it should become something more. And without realizing it, creativity shifts from expression to performance. This episode unpacks how that shift contributes to burnout, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. Because when creativity becomes transactional, it loses the space it needs to breathe. And when life itself becomes overwhelming, through work, family, leadership, and everyday responsibilities, the creative part of you is often the first thing to go quiet. We also talk about the deeper layer beneath burnout: the grief that comes from not recognizing yourself creatively anymore. The disconnect from your ideas, your voice, your perspective. The subtle fear that maybe you’ve lost something you won’t get back. And for some, there’s an even quieter truth, sometimes we don’t just stop creating because we’re tired. Sometimes we stop because something has changed, and we’re not sure how to face it. The pressure of being seen again. The uncertainty of whether your work will still resonate. The realization that your voice might not sound the way it used to. This conversation doesn’t rush to fix that. Instead, it slows things down. Because creativity isn’t meant to be constant. It moves in cycles. There are seasons of output, and there are seasons of silence. But burnout has a way of distorting that rhythm, turning rest into guilt and quiet into failure. If creativity has started to feel like a chore… If the work you once loved now feels like pressure… If you’ve been carrying the weight of expectation instead of the freedom of expression… This episode is an invitation to step back without walking away. To release the need to perform. To create without proving anything. To reconnect with the part of you that noticed things before anyone else was watching. Because losing the desire to create doesn’t mean you’ve lost your creativity. It may just mean that the part of you that creates has been carrying more than it was meant to. And sometimes, the way back isn’t through discipline. It’s through permission.

    50 min

  7. Mar 15

    Episode #12 Parenting Without the Script

    Blended families are often described with hopeful language, words like healing, second chances, and fresh starts. But what people don’t talk about enough is the complexity that comes with building a family that didn’t begin together. In this episode, we explore what it really means to parent without a script. Most of us grow up with a simple idea of how family is supposed to work. Two parents. Clear authority. Shared expectations. A sense of stability that feels predictable. But blended families rarely follow that storyline. They introduce new dynamics, emotional loyalties, and responsibilities that don’t always come with clear guidance. Stepparents, in particular, often find themselves in one of the most complicated leadership roles inside a household. They’re expected to show up with love, patience, and consistency, but without always having the authority or clarity that typically comes with parenting. That creates a quiet tension many people carry but rarely discuss openly. This episode talks about the invisible leadership that happens in blended families. The emotional maturity required to navigate multiple relationships, histories, and expectations. And the pressure many people feel to always be “the bigger person,” even when the emotional cost begins to build. We also explore a reality that can be difficult to admit: you can deeply love your family and still grieve the version of parenting or family life you once imagined. That grief doesn’t make someone ungrateful or disloyal. It simply acknowledges that life didn’t follow the path we expected. When those feelings are ignored or suppressed, they often surface as resentment, exhaustion, or distance. But when they’re named honestly, they can create space for healthier communication, boundaries, and understanding within the family. The conversation also touches on how faith communities sometimes oversimplify family healing. Advice like “just pray together” or “put God at the center” can be well-intentioned, but it doesn’t remove the emotional complexity blended families face. Prayer matters. Faith matters. But healing relationships still require patience, maturity, and time. Not every family dynamic exists because someone failed or because something went wrong. Sometimes families are simply complex because life itself is complex. People change. Relationships evolve. Circumstances shift. And many families are doing their best to build something meaningful out of those realities. This episode is for anyone navigating the emotional terrain of blended families, especially those doing the quiet work of holding relationships together while trying to love people well. Parenting without a script doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re navigating one of the more challenging versions of family life, one that requires resilience, humility, and a willingness to keep showing up even when the path isn’t clear. If you’ve ever felt like you’re carrying invisible labor inside your family, this conversation aims to put language to that experience and remind you that you’re not alone in it. For more information or to set up a possible speaking engagement, please visit my page with the link below. "Therapy is expensive so here we are, Speaking"

    57 min

  8. Mar 1

    Episode #11 “Calling It a "Calling" Nearly Broke Me”

    (Education Burnout × Faith × Leadership) There’s a specific kind of exhaustion that comes from education. Not just long hours. Not just heavy workloads. It’s the kind of tired that follows you home. The kind that makes Sunday evenings feel heavier than Monday mornings. The kind that doesn’t go away with a weekend off. And somewhere along the way, many of us were taught to interpret that exhaustion as proof of purpose. In this episode, we’re talking directly about education burnout, what it is, how it happens, and why calling it a “calling” can sometimes make it worse. Education doesn’t just demand a lot from you. It moralizes your sacrifice. When you’re overwhelmed, you’re reminded to “remember your why.” When you’re under-supported, you’re told, “Do it for the kids.” When you start questioning sustainability, someone gently suggests, “It’s just a season.” None of those phrases are inherently wrong. But when they’re used to silence honest concerns about workload, compensation, trauma exposure, or systemic dysfunction, they stop being encouragement and start being containment. Burnout in education is rarely about a lack of passion. It’s often about the quiet pressure to absorb more than any one human should. More emotional labor. More administrative shifts. More behavioral intensity. More responsibility without authority. More expectations without structural support. And when it starts to break you, the question rarely becomes, “What is wrong with this system?” It becomes, “What is wrong with me?” This episode unpacks how vocational language, especially in education and ministry-adjacent spaces, can unintentionally sanctify exhaustion. How identity gets fused with occupation. How leaving or stepping back begins to feel like moral failure instead of self-preservation. We talk about the internal conflict teachers carry when their work feels meaningful, but their bodies and minds are deteriorating. The grief of realizing that something you once loved is now hurting you. The disorientation that hits when you don’t know who you are outside the classroom. And we say this clearly: You did not burn out because you lacked faith. You did not burn out because you stopped caring. You burned out because caring was never meant to be exploited. There is a difference between purpose and pressure. There is a difference between leadership and self-erasure. There is a difference between a hard season and a harmful system. If you are an educator quietly asking, “If this is my calling, why am I falling apart?”, this episode is for you. Rest is not betrayal. Boundaries are not a weakness. Stepping back does not mean you failed your students, your leadership, or God. Sometimes the most faithful thing you can do is tell the truth about what something is costing you. This conversation is not anti-education. It’s not anti-passion. It’s not anti-purpose. It is anti-exploitation. And if the language of calling nearly broke you, you’re not alone. You’re just awake.

    37 min
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About

Being a teacher is basically group therapy… if group therapy included standardized testing, last-minute meetings, and kids who treat your profession like a suggestion. Therapy is Expensive, So Here We Are is the unfiltered, slightly sarcastic, but ultimately real podcast where we break down mental health, education, and parenting—without the hefty co-pay. Hosted Isaac J. Medina, this is your weekly dose of insight, humor, and just enough cynicism to keep you sane.

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