My experience is pretty similar to yours. I used to be a very happy person had a lot of friends and shared so many good memories, I loved spending time with people. After high school I slowly lost myself due to a bad relationship, I dropped out of college and spent a lot of time with this person. This person was toxic but I was blinded at the time. I lost a lot of friends because of it and slowly stopped talking and being a funny person. I lost my humor and sense of how to communicate with people. To this day I cut off that person but now I’m lonely. I went through a spiritual awakening while I started to feel like I was going crazy. I felt like I was going crazy because I didn’t have a job, money, no school or friends. I felt like my life was really going downhill. I found myself somehow through this entire experience. Being around the two people that I call friends but only because they were the only people I knew, every time we would get together I didn’t know how to act anymore. I still felt alone. Trapped in my mind almost all day everyday then started to talk to myself but after a period of time it was pretty clear to me that all you really need is yourself. Being alone I could do whatever I want, say whatever I want and just you know be my TRUE self. That’s the beauty of loneliness you can call it solitude. It can be exhausting eating by myself everyday, I hardly ever eat because I generally don’t like eating alone. I have this up and down view of loneliness. Almost like a beautiful disaster, I think it has to do a lot with the way the world is now. It’s hard to find people with the same interests as you because everyone nowadays is the same. No one expresses themselves, their true selves anymore. I can go on forever talking about my experience which I’m still going through and still figuring out when this will end. We are just diamonds in the rough. With people not knowing my experience makes me want to share it with the world to being out the ones who know what it’s like to go through depression of loneliness. I know there’s always going to be people goin*through the same thing a you, me ALWAYS. That’s what makes me feel not so lonely, I wish I could reach out to everyone that feels the same way I do so we can reunite and be happy with each other. We need each other but what I've learned is that we mostly need ourselves.
