Joe pours drinks, Flynn searches for purpose, and a mysterious young woman visits Jupiter Saloon. Later, we hear the tale of the Captain Snakebait and the infamous Sidewinder Mutiny! Visit us at jupitersaloon.com for more info! Episode Transcript Intro Voice Over (Jordan): Support for this project is provided by the Estate of Dr. Jewel Plummer Cobb, whose commitment to education, science, the arts and equality lives on through her memory. Please remember to support creativity wherever you can. [spaceship flying followed by the ambient noise of its engines] Voice Over (Spaceship AI): We are now in orbit around the stormy atmosphere of Jupiter. On your left you will see IO, Jupiter’s fourth-largest moon with shuttle service daily from the planet. Make sure to see a show at the Galileo IO Pavilion. On the right you will see the Olde Europa House – talk to your drive if you’d like to schedule a tour. Please prepare for our final approach. We are now landing at the Jupiter Saloon. [theme music – “Satellite Girls” by Love like Deloreans] [saloon chatter fills the room] Joe: Welcome to the Joop – Oh, hi Flynn. Flynn: What’s good, Joe? Joe: I dunno man. Got a weird feeling about tonight. Someone’s either gonna get killed or fall in love. Wanna bet on which? Flynn: Uh…no thanks. Man. Look, Joe, I just got back from this wild trip to Zoonon. It was crazy- Joe: Yeah, you save any princesses? Flynn: Not today, man, just a freight run. But that galaxy is full of cyber pirates. Joe: Oh hey, that reminds me, this bald monk guy in a gold cloak came in, looking for you. Flynn: Are you for real? Joe: Yeah, he said something about an amulet and your destiny, or something? Flynn: Wait, really? Joe: No. Uh what are ya drinking? Flynn: Ugh. I’ll talk a pint of MARS IPA and a Hip Shot. Joe: Hey, also, please make sure you settle your tab. It’s getting really high. Flynn: Oh, hey 6 Jeffs. 6-Jeffs (all six Jeffs speak at once): Good Morrow / Hi / Well hello there / Haaay / Sup Joe: Hey 6 Jeff, what’s it gonna be? 6 Jeffs: Scotch / Eh, Tito’s Vodka / Gaslight dude / Transporter / Martini Joe: You got it. Space Bass: Yo coming through, heavy stuff. Space Bass: Man, would ya’ll get ya’ll’s asses out of my way. I’m carrying all this stuff. Don’t ya’ll see me? Misc. Patrons: Oh, sorry / excuse me/ sorry. Joe: Thank you Space Bass. Flynn: Wow, karaoke tonight?? Joe: Yeah, you should stick around. I’m really looking forward to some of tonight’s …stellar performances. [glass breaks in the distance] Joe: Hey, Rover! Cleanup on table 15! (back to Flynn) How’s that blue gal from Neptune that you were hanging out with? Flynn: Ah man, I thought it was going really well but uh then, ya know, the other night, she tried to break my heart. For real, she tried to stick hand in my chest cavity and rip my heart out. It was real rough. Joe: Yep, that’s what they do. Flynn: I guess I’m back on the market. [overheard from afar, phasers chatting and approaching the bar] Phaser Quartzney: So like, I think Phase Queen took so much time between albums because she was getting work done …like, maybe a noses job. Phaser Yelly: (gasp) I love Teenage Andromeda. That song get me through my last supernova… Joe: (to himself) oh boy, here we go… Flynn: Hey Joe, are these girls here for like, karaoke or something? Joe: No, they are phasers. Flynn: Joe, what’s a phaser? Joe: You know Phase Queen? Flynn: Yeah, I know who Phase Queen is. Joe: Yeah, well, she’s playing a moon show up at the IO Pavilion tonight. And all of her fans are pregaming. Here. Buckle up, buddy. Flynn: Ugh. Phaser Quartzney: Woah, this bar is… eclectic. Phaser Yelly: Quartzney, how did you know about this place? Joe: Uh, what can I get you guys? Phaser Quartzney: Um, wait, (to Phaser Yelly) what are you having? Phaser Yelly: I was thinking a cosmic soda. I’m on BLACKHOLE30, so like, nothing processed for me because I really need to reset my gravitational pull. Phaser Quartzney: Oh, for sure. Uh hey, do you have sentient water? Joe. No. 6 Jeffs: Ladies (x6) Phaser Yelly: Umm… what are you? Flynn: (brightly) Oh, that’s 6 Jeffs – he’s made up of six guys named Jeff …yeah, I don’t understand it either. Phasers Quartzney: That’s weird. (to Joe) Um, do you take Interorbital express? Joe: We are crypto only. Phaser Yelly: Wow, Jupiter really is an emerging planet. Flynn: You know, you can pay in a good story, too! Joe: No …no, don’t. Phaser Quartzney: A what? Flynn: It’s a bar policy. Joe: Shut up Flynn. Phaser Yelly – Oh, oh, I know. Uh, tell him about Cindy’s bachelorette party. Phaser Quartzney: Oh, that one that turned into a pan dimensional rager? Phaser Yelly: Oh my gosh! Joe: You guys listen. You know it sounds like a wonderful story. Tonight is Karaoke night. No stories on Karaoke night. I can only accept Crypto. Phaser Yelly: Ugh. Where’s the bathrooms? Joe: All the way in the back. Blue door on the left. Do not go in the red door. The space chimps are playing poker in there, and they do not like to be disturbed. Phaser Yelly: Will you come with me? Phaser Quartzney: Absolutely, this place is a dive. Flynn: Man, Jupiter has changed. Rover: [*beep, boops, something*] Joe: Who, those two? Rover: [*beep, boops, something*] Joe: You don’t want to mess with girls like that, buddy. They like bad boys. Rover: [*beep, boops, growl*] Joe: No, you’re not. Rover: [sad rover *whirrrs* away] Flynn: Look Joe, I gotta tell you, I gotta get outta here, man, like I can’t do this Jupiter thing anymore. I gotta get up to Pluto. The works better there. There’s nothing here for me. There’s nothing here for me — woah… Joe, who is that? Joe: I don’t know, but she’s walking this way and she’s not from around here. Flynn: I mean, Joe, look at her …her eyes …her legs …her noses… Joe: Hey there. How can I help you? Tonya: You can start by turning off. This. Goddamn. Song. Joe: Yeah, no problem. ROVER. Kill the music. Tonya: Thank you. Joe: Alright, what’s it going to be? Tonya: What’s the strongest thing you have? Joe: Well, let’s see here. The Red Spots are a local speciality. Nope? The Mode isn’t bad either. It’s what most people are having. Tonya: Is the Schrodinger any good? Joe: It is and isn’t. Tonya: I’ll just have Tito’s on the rocks. Flynn: Oh, hi there. My name’s Flynn. Tonya: Hey. [Flynn clears throat] Tonya: [awkward silence] Flynn: So, uh, yeah what brings you to the Jupiter Saloon? Yeah, The Ol’ Loon… The Jupe… Tonya: Are you lost or something?? Flynn: Well, m’am, a space faring wanderer like myself is never lost. I just go wherever the solar winds take me. And, um, actually wait, do I know you… Have we met before? Tonya: -so, you get lost professionally? Flynn: Well, kinda! Actually, yeah. Tonya: Could ya… get lost now? [Phaser Kelly and Phaser Quartzney return from the bathroom] Phaser Quartzney: Oh my god, Kelly, I was reading this article in Uranus Weekly about how your constellations are about to align. Phaser Yelly: I know, I am like vibing right now. Phaser Quartzney: The light of the universe shining off of your face. Tonya: (hisses under her breath) Oh quick, give me your hat. Flynn: What? Oh, uh. Tonya: Just give it to me. Flynn: Here! 6 Jeffs: Goodbye / Come again / Catch ya later / Ciao! Phaser Quartzney: So… weird. To have six of them. [The Phasers leave the saloon] Tonya: Are they gone now? Flynn: Yeah, looks like. Uh, why are you hiding from these people? I mean, uh, I get it, hiding’s awesome. Why wouldn’t you want to hide? It’s like my favorite thing to do. I wouldn’t what to hang out with a bunch of Phasers too. Tonya: Here’s your hat back. Thanks. Flynn: No problem. Owning a hat in a time of crisis is just one of my many talents. Tonya: (grudging laugh) I’m… Tonya. So. Finn? What does a professionally lost guy do? Flynn: Oh well, it is Flynn! But uh, call me whatever! What even are names? So, yeah, what I do, I go wherever adventure takes me. Are you sure I don’t know you? Tonya: I really don’t know where our paths would have crossed. Flynn: Hey, can I get you a drink? Tonya: Sure… I’ll take a Multidimensional Sapphire. Straight. Flynn: Mmm! Joe: Top shelf, eh? Flynn: (high-pitched) Yep, top shelf. Joe, give my new friend here on Multidimensional Sapphire. Straight. [glasses clinking] Joe: Two Multidimensional Sapphires coming up. Flynn: Just the one, Joe, just the one. Joe: Okay. Tonya: So, you’re a regular here? Flynn: I mean, I like to kill some downtime between jobs here. I got a busy schedule. I’m a busy guy. Joe: Flynn, your crypto chip is bouncing. What’s your sector code? Are you still living in the sleep drawer by the reactor. Flynn: It’s an executive slumber pod. It’s pretty common on Mars. Ya know? How’s your drink? Tonya: Sleep drawer, ey? I mean, that sounds cozy! Joe: Hey, Flynn. Seriously, you crypto chip didn’t clear again. Flynn: Okay, well, huh that’s odd. Must be an old one. I must have accidentally grabbed an old wallet. Well, you know if it didn’t clear, I guess it’s time to evoke my formidable skills at a talker. Joe: No, don’t do this. Flynn: Per the policy of the Jupiter Saloon, I will pay my tab with a good story. Joe: Good new story? Flynn, I’ve heard all of your stories. Flynn: I ever tell you about the time with the space whales? Joe: At least, twice. Flynn: What about the time with the Sun Princess? Joe: I told you that story. Flynn: So, this one time, I was in a Galaxy Far Far Away- Joe: That’s a movie. Do you have another card? Tonya: I wanna hear a story! Flynn: Okay. So I was saving this one for a really, really important- Joe: (snapping) Flynn! Let’s go. Flynn: (ve
