Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life

Michelle Burkhard

This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join us! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Give from your heart: CashApp: $growby1 Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3 PayPal: GrowBy1@gmail.com

  1. 5h ago

    Problem Not the Problem: Relational Coach

    What is it like to feel responsible for so much? At Level 2, the Relational Coach moves from what the coachee is doing to what she is experiencing. As the conversation unfolds, thetime-management problem begins to connect with something more personal: “I hate disappointing people,” and “I don’t want people to think I don’t care.” Michelle explores how relational safety allows a coachee to admit what she already knows about herself, and howequating availability with caring can quietly fill a calendar. She also names a developmental edge for Relational Coaches: some patterns look noble. Overworking can look committed, overfunctioning can look caring, and people pleasing can look generous. A person can genuinely care and still be paying acost for how they show it, and the coach’s job is to hold both without judgment or glorification. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Want to build relationships where people feel safe telling you the truth? Join the Coaching Academy now and receive weekly resources between today and our January start. VisitCA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions How often do I ask what a problem is like for someone, not only what they are doing about it? When have I admired a pattern in someone, like overworking or overgiving, that was also costing them? How could I hold both a person’s genuine care and the cost of how they express it, without judgment or glorification? Where in my own life might I equate availability with caring? What helps a coachee feel safe enough to say, “I know I do this, and I don’t know how to stop”?

  2. 1d ago

    Problem Is Not the Problem: Structured Coach

    “My problem is time management.” Michelle opens a new week of Five Levels in Real Coaching Conversations with aleader who is overwhelmed: a packed calendar, a growing task list, late nights, and messages answered after hours. This week follows one presenting problem through all five levels to explore what happens when the problem someone bringsis only the first layer. At Level 1, the Structured Coach has useful tools: priorities, delegation, time blocking, and routines. Sometimes that is exactly what is needed. But what happens when the plan works for two days and then falls apart, again and again? Michelle explores how practical solutions that don’t stick can be a signal to become curious, not suspicious, and how a coach can invite the coachee into discovery withoutannouncing that the stated problem is wrong. The presenting problem tells us where to begin, not necessarily where we will end. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Ready to coach beyond the first problem someone names? The Grow By 1 Coaching Academy begins in January, and when you join now, we’ll send you weekly resources so you can start growing while you wait. Learn more at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions When someone names their problem, how quickly do I accept that label and move straight to strategies? What signals tell me a practical solution is working, and what signals tell me the same issue keeps returning for another reason? How can I stay curious about a deeper layer without becoming suspicious of what the coachee has told me? When have I been tempted to decide I know “the real problem” before the coachee has discovered anything? How could I invite a coachee into the discovery when their tools and plans keep falling apart?

  3. 4d ago

    Integrated Coach: Silence

    Silence is a tool, not a virtue. Michelle closes the week at Level 5, the Integrated Coach, where more silence does not automatically mean better coaching. The question is always what this person needs right now. Michelle walks through several versions of a follow-up conversation: one where the coachee is ready for structure and planning, one where a long silence means she has simply lost the thread of the question, and one where the coach offers a reflection and then creates room. She also speaks to a silence many coaches rarely talk about, the coach’s own silence when they don’t know what to say, and the honesty that can replace performance in that moment. The week ends with a larger lesson: silence exposes a coach’s relationship with uncertainty, and the Integrated Coach learns when to protect it, investigate it, break it, or simply sit in it. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Wherever you are in your coaching development, there is a next level of growth. Join us for the Coaching Academy in January at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions What would help me decide whether a silence needs protecting, clarifying, breaking, or simply holding? How could I check whether a coachee is thinking or has lost the thread of my question? When might offering a reflection and then creating room serve the coachee better than silence alone? How honest am I willing to be when my own silence comes from not knowing what to say? What does my response to silence reveal about my relationship with uncertainty in coaching?

  4. 5d ago

    Transformational Coach: Structure

    Sometimes silence shows up when a question touches identity. At Level 4, the Transformational Coach stays witha coachee who says, “I don’t know who I am if I’m not working toward something.” Michelle explores what happens as a long-held belief comes into view: if I’m capable of doing more, I should do more. This episode looks at how new awareness can threaten an old identity, why a question can take seconds to ask and much longer to metabolize, and the discipline of letting one powerful question stand without stacking another on top of it. Michelle also addresses what to do when awareness brings grief rather than excitement, and why depth is not the goal: development is. The Transformational Coach uses silence to serve reflection, awareness, and ownership, not to create intensity, and offers the coachee a choice about where to go next. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Ready to coach in ways that create lasting awareness and ownership? Join us in the Coaching Academy this January. Visit CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions What beliefs about achievement, productivity, or worth might be underneath a coachee’s silence? Where in my own life might I believe that being capable of more means I should do more? How could I let a powerful question stand without adding another question on top of it? How might I support a coachee when new awareness brings grief rather than excitement? How would I offer a coachee the choice between staying with reflection and moving toward what comes next?

  5. 6d ago

    Skillful Coach: Silence

    Not all silence means the same thing. At Level 3, the Skillful Coach begins to tell the difference between thinking silence, emotional silence, confused silence, defensive silence, andthe silence of a coachee who has left the conversation entirely. Michelle follows the coachee as a new question brings a different kind of quiet, one that turns out to be protection. Michelle explores how to notice shifts in pace, breath, posture, and energy without mind-reading, and how to name what is observed rather than interpret it. She cautions against turningany technique, including silence, into a coaching identity, because waiting every time can become as rigid as talking every time. The skill is discernment: knowing when to wait, when to rephrase, and when to ask what the coachee isnoticing, while staying humble enough to remember that only the coachee can say what a silence means. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Grow your ability to notice what is happening beneath the words. Learn more about the January Coaching Academy at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions What kinds of silence have I noticed in my coaching conversations, and how did each one feel different? What cues such as pace, breath, posture, or energy might help me notice that something shifted in a silence? How could I name what I observe in a silent moment without interpreting what it means for the coachee? When might my habit of waiting become as rigid as a habit of talking? How would I know whether to wait, rephrase, or ask what the coachee is noticing?

  6. Oct 27

    Relational Coach: Silence

    What is happening between coach and coachee when the room goes quiet? Michelle continues the week’s story atLevel 2, the Relational Coach. The coachee’s silence turns out to hold more than uncertainty. It holds judgment, and maybe some shame, about wanting something different from a job other people would love to have. Michelle explores how relational safety is created through presence, not only words, and why “take your time” only works when the coach is settled enough to mean it. She looks at silence as relational information, how a coach can make room for someone to say what they have never said out loud, and the developmental edge for Relational Coaches: rushing to make silence comfortable can rescue a coachee from the very place where discovery is happening. Safety, she suggests, doesn’t mean eliminating discomfort. It means the person knows the discomfort can be held. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Want to build the kind of presence that helps people tell the truth? Explore the Coaching Academy launching this January at CA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions How do I communicate through my presence, not only my words, that a coachee has time to think? What might a coachee’s silence tell me about whether they feel safe to say what they are thinking? When might my reassurance or validation rescue a coachee from a productive moment of discomfort? How could I respond when a coachee judges themselves for wanting something different? What would help my coachees feel free to say something I may not expect from them?

  7. Oct 26

    Structured Coach: Silence

    You ask a question, and the coachee goes quiet. Five seconds. Ten. What happens inside you? Michelle begins a new week of Five Levels in Real Coaching Conversations by walking one silent coaching moment through all five levels. The coachee is successful, respected, and secure, and she isn’t sure she wants another five years of the same work. When the coach asks, “What do you want instead?” she goes silent. At Level 1, the Structured Coach can feel the process stall and rush to fill the space with more questions, examples, and options. Michelle explores how what feels like helping issometimes the coach easing their own discomfort, why progress can be happening internally even when the conversation looks still, and how to give the originalquestion a chance to work. She offers simple ways to check in with a coachee who is truly stuck without replacing the question, and invites listeners to notice what silence activates in them. Have a question or a coaching moment you’d like Michelle to explore on the podcast? Email Michelle@GrowBy1.com. Ready to grow more comfortable with the quiet moments that matter most in coaching? Join us for the Grow By 1 Coaching Academy starting in January. Learn more atCA.GrowBy1.com. Reflection Questions What happens inside me when a coachee goes silent after a question? When have I filled a silence with more questions, examples, or explanations, and whose discomfort was I easing? What might a coachee be thinking, feeling, or connecting during a silence that I cannot see? How long can I comfortably wait after asking a question, and what would help me wait a little longer? How could I check in with a coachee who seems stuck without replacing the original question?

  8. Oct 23

    When An Integrated Coach Meets A Performance Gap

    Sometimes a transformational breakthrough needs something surprisingly ordinary: a calendar appointment. Or a deadline. Or ten minutes of writing something absolutely terrible! Because the goal isn't always to feelfearless, become perfectly confident, or eliminate every obstacle. Sometimes the goal is simply to do the thing anyway. In today's episode, Michelle wraps up our week exploring theperformance gap through the Integrated Coach. After discovering the fear, perfectionism, and beliefs underneath her avoidance, our aspiring author may not need another profound conversation. She may need a practical plan thatallows her to act on her new awareness. Integrated coaching means knowing when to explore, when to challenge, when to support, and when to help someone move forward. And when old patterns return, we don't automatically assume failure.We get curious again. Because behavior is information, not a verdict, and real growth often looks like noticing the fear and choosing to act anyway. Questions or comments? I'd love to hear from you! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Want to become a more confident, capable, and intentionalcoach? Your next chapter starts with our January Coaching Academy!CA.GrowBy1.com Reflection Questions What tells me that a coachee has enough insight and nowneeds support turning awareness into action? How do I choose among structure, relational support, patternexploration, and identity work based on what the person needs now? What question could help a coachee turn a familiar avoidancebehavior into a cue for a different choice? How might I help a coachee recognize growth when fearremains but their response to it changes? When a coachee returns to an old behavior, how can I listenfreshly and help them choose their next step?

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Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
18 Ratings

About

This growing tribe of thinkers focuses on finding the results we want in our personal AND professional lives by becoming more aware of our patterns of thinking and choosing how we want to think. Join us! Michelle@GrowBy1.com Give from your heart: CashApp: $growby1 Venmo: @Michelle-Burkhard-3 PayPal: GrowBy1@gmail.com

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