Let's Talk About Love, Sex & Infidelity

Todd Creager
  • 5.0 (13)
  • Mental Health
  • Updated Weekly

Todd Creager is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and relationship coach with over 30 years of experience helping couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. In this podcast, Todd talks openly about love, sex, and infidelity with married and long-term couples who want real answers. Drawing from decades in practice, he shares practical advice, relatable stories, and honest guidance to help you work through challenges and create the relationship you actually want. Whether you're dealing with communication breakdowns, intimacy issues, trust after infidelity, or just want to reconnect with your partner, Todd's warm, no-nonsense approach gives you tools you can use right away.

  1. 4d ago

    #280 | When Your Partner Triggers You: The Hidden Part of You That's Really Reacting

    Why does a small comment from your spouse sometimes set off a reaction that feels way bigger than the moment calls for? Todd Creager, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years of experience, breaks down what's actually happening when your partner triggers you. In this solo episode, Todd explains that the size of your reaction is the clue. When your heart races, your jaw tightens, and you're three steps into an argument before you've decided to have it, it's rarely the grown-up version of you responding. Todd describes a protector — the part that goes on offense with anger, blame, or distance — and an exile, an older wound in you that once felt dismissed, controlled, criticized, or abandoned. He uses a familiar example: a partner forgetting something at the grocery store, and the anger that follows feeling out of proportion to what actually happened. Todd offers a question you can ask yourself mid-fight: how old does this feeling actually feel? That question alone can change a conversation, because it helps you see you're not really fighting your spouse — you're reacting to a moment from long ago that just got pressed again. Todd is careful to note this isn't about excusing a partner's behavior, and it isn't about blaming yourself either. It's about recognizing which part of you is driving the reaction so you can respond instead of react. If you've ever wondered why you overreact to your partner, or why the same argument keeps repeating with more heat than it deserves, this episode gives you a way to slow down and understand what's underneath it. Listen to this episode to learn how recognizing your own triggers can change the way you and your partner talk to each other, and subscribe for more honest, practical guidance from Todd Creager on love, sex, and building the relationship you actually want. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  2. Jul 20

    #279 | Why Your Partner Goes Silent: Understanding Stonewalling Through an IFS Lens

    When your partner shuts down in the middle of a hard conversation, it's easy to read it as punishment — as coldness, stubbornness, or not caring. What if that's almost never what's actually happening? In this episode, Todd Creager — Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with 35 years of experience — takes a closer look at stonewalling, one of the patterns John and Julie Gottman identified as a serious warning sign in relationships. Todd offers a different way to understand it, one rooted in Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the way protective parts of us learned to manage emotional danger long before our current relationship existed. He explains that stonewalling isn't cruelty. It's a manager — a protective part that decided somewhere along the way that silence was safer than speech. That part didn't develop in response to your spouse. It developed in response to what happened much earlier: a child who was dismissed when they spoke up, shamed when they were vulnerable, or simply never had anyone attuned enough to make expression feel safe. Todd walks through real examples from his practice, including the client who remembers being met with anger as a child for expressing a normal feeling — and the client who has no clear memories of meanness, only an absence of attunement. In both cases, the outcome was the same: the body learned to go quiet. The shift Todd describes — from "why are you doing this to me?" to "what does that part of you need so we can come back to each other?" — is where real repair begins. Not just of the current conflict, but of older wounds the relationship has quietly been carrying. If you or your partner stonewalls, this episode gives you a new framework for understanding what's actually happening, and a starting point for approaching it with less blame and more curiosity. Listen now — and if this work is resonating, visit toddcreager.com to learn more about individual and couples therapy, or explore his self-guided programs. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  3. Jul 13

    #278 | You're Not Fighting Your Spouse — Here Are the 3 Parts That Are

    What if the fight you keep having with your spouse isn't really about dishes, money, or who said what last Tuesday? What if the two of you aren't even fighting each other at all? In this solo episode, Todd Creager — licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and relationship coach with over 30 years of experience working with couples — walks you through a framework he uses with couples every day: the three internal parts that show up in virtually every relationship conflict. Once you can see them, the whole fight starts to make sense. Todd breaks down the Firefighter — the part that attacks, raises its voice, and catalogues every grievance from the last six months. It looks strong, but it's actually operating from fear. Then there's the Manager — the part that goes quiet, pulls back, or tries to smooth everything over. From the outside it looks calm, but inside it's just trying to survive the moment. Underneath both of those protective parts lives what Todd calls the wounded or exiled part — the younger, more vulnerable self that feels unseen, unimportant, unsafe, or like it doesn't belong. Todd shares a real couple he's working with right now: a wife who grew up in a loud household where no one really listened, and a husband who was told as a child he should never have been born. Their fights look like her escalating and him withdrawing — but what's really happening is two wounded parts trying desperately to protect themselves. As Todd puts it, their protective parts are actually making things worse for each other, even when that's the last thing either of them wants. The shift happens when couples stop seeing each other as enemies and start recognizing the parts driving the conflict. That awareness — paired with compassion for your own internal experience — is what makes real repair possible. If you and your partner keep getting stuck in the same cycles, this episode gives you a clear, honest way to look at what's actually going on beneath the surface. Todd works with couples navigating communication breakdowns, intimacy issues, infidelity recovery, and long-standing patterns that feel impossible to move through. If you're ready to work with him directly, visit toddcreager.com to learn more about his couples therapy and coaching services. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  4. Jul 6

    #277 | Why Trying Harder Is Making Your Marriage Worse

    What if the thing you've been doing to fix your relationship is actually what's keeping it stuck? Most couples hit a wall. You've read the books, planned the date nights, promised to listen better — and somehow you're still in the same spot. More exhausted, more frustrated, and further apart than before. If that sounds familiar, this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Todd Creager — licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with over 30 years working with couples — explains why trying harder rarely works, and what's actually happening beneath the surface when your best efforts fall flat. Todd introduces a way of thinking that goes deeper than most couples therapy advice: the idea that we're made up of different parts — and that the real reason relationships stall isn't lack of effort. It's that one part of you is trying to fix things while another part — a wounded, scared, or quietly resentful part — isn't on board. No amount of willpower gets through to that part. He walks through a real couple he's currently working with: a woman who never felt seen as a child and erupts when her husband gets defensive, and a husband who grew up with an aggressive father and shuts down the moment conflict starts. Neither is the villain. Both are being driven by protective parts that took shape long before they ever met. What they're learning — and what Todd wants you to take away — is the difference between a protective relationship and a self-led relationship. A self-led relationship doesn't come from trying harder. It comes from getting curious about the parts of you that keep showing up in the same painful patterns, and learning to lead from a place of clarity, compassion, and genuine connection. This episode won't hand you a quick fix. It will give you a different way of seeing yourself, your partner, and the cycle you keep getting stuck in — and that shift is where real change in a relationship actually begins. If you're in a long-term relationship and feel like you've tried everything, start here. Subscribe to Todd's podcast for honest, practical guidance on the relationship challenges that matter most. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  5. Jun 29

    #276 | The Inner Critic in the Bedroom — What's Really Blocking Your Desire

    What if the thing getting in the way of your sex life isn't a physical problem — it's a protective one? In this solo episode, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Creager takes a candid, grounded look at what happens when your inner critic shows up in the bedroom. Whether it sounds like Am I good enough? Is my partner enjoying this? or it shows up as numbness, avoidance, or a total loss of desire — Todd explains that these aren't failures. They're protective responses doing a job. Using Internal Family Systems (IFS), Todd breaks down two types of protective parts that commonly interfere with sexual intimacy. The manager is the critical voice constantly scanning for what could go wrong, trying to protect you from shame, inadequacy, or humiliation. The firefighter is the part that numbs out, dissociates, or finds every possible reason to avoid sex altogether — because if you never show up, you never have to feel exposed. Both are trying to shield you from older wounds: the fear of not being good enough, the memory of embarrassment, or the quiet belief that you're somehow less than. And because desire and the inner critic can't occupy the same space at the same time, understanding what's running interference is the real starting point for change. Todd also introduces EMDR — Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing — as a therapeutic tool that can help people access and process the older memories keeping these protective parts on high alert. When those memories are worked through, the protective parts don't have to work as hard, and your natural desire and arousal have room to return — not through willpower, but through healing. If you've been struggling with performance anxiety, sexual avoidance, or feeling disconnected from your partner in the bedroom, this episode offers a way to approach it with curiosity rather than judgment. Todd reads and responds to every comment. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  6. Jun 22

    #275 | What Your Jealousy Is Really Protecting You From

    Is jealousy making you feel out of control — or controlling? Before you try to talk yourself out of it, it's worth understanding what it's actually doing for you. In this solo episode, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Creager takes an honest, compassionate look at jealousy — not as a character flaw or a red flag, but as a protective response rooted in older, unhealed pain. If your partner mentions a coworker and your chest tightens, or a liked photo on social media sends your mind into overdrive, this episode speaks directly to what's happening beneath that reaction. Drawing on Internal Family Systems (IFS) — a framework that recognizes we all carry different "parts" of ourselves — Todd explains that jealousy is rarely about the present moment. It's a protective part standing guard over a much older wound: the early learning that love can be taken away, that you can be made to feel unimportant, invisible, or replaced. Todd walks through two specific types of protective responses that show up when jealousy hits. The first is the manager — the part that watches, checks, scans for threats, reads texts over your partner's shoulder, and keeps a quiet inventory of who they spend time with. The second is the firefighter — the part that reacts, explodes, accuses, or shuts down just to stop an unbearable feeling. Both are trying to prevent pain, even when the behaviors are causing damage. The shift Todd offers isn't about pushing jealousy away. It's about bringing curiosity and compassion toward the part of you that's scared — so you can stop reacting from fear and start communicating from your whole, settled self. When you understand that jealousy's intent is always protective, you gain options you didn't have before. You stop being run by your past and create real space for a different kind of relationship. Whether you're the one struggling with jealousy or you're on the receiving end of a partner's reactions, this episode gives you a way to see it differently — and work with it rather than against it. If this resonates with you or someone you know, share this episode. Todd reads and responds to comments, and he'd love to hear from you. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  7. Jun 15

    #274 | Why You Shut Down During Conflict (It's Not What You Think)

    Do you go blank, get quiet, or feel like you've completely left your body the moment conflict shows up in your relationship? There's a reason that happens — and it has nothing to do with not caring. In this solo episode, Todd digs into one of the most misunderstood patterns in long-term relationships: shutting down during conflict. Whether you go still and silent or reach for your phone, the fridge, or anything else to escape the moment, Todd explains what's actually driving that response — and why blaming yourself or your partner for it keeps you stuck. Drawing from his 30+ years working with couples, Todd breaks down how our earliest experiences with conflict — loud households, being shamed for speaking up, or learning that staying quiet was simply safer — wire a protective part of us that can still show up decades later, even when our partner isn't actually a threat. Todd introduces two key protective patterns from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy: the manager, who tries to smooth things over and avoid making things worse, and the firefighter, who numbs you out or pulls you into distraction the second things get too intense. Both are doing the same job — shielding a younger, wounded part of you that once learned that conflict meant something bad was about to happen. The good news? Once you can recognize these protective parts with curiosity instead of frustration, you can start showing up in conflict as yourself — calm, present, and actually able to stay in the room. Todd shares a real client story that illustrates how deep this goes, and walks you through what it looks and feels like to begin separating yourself from the part that hijacks you — so you can respond from a place of clarity instead of running on autopilot. If you've ever wondered why you or your partner shuts down, this episode gives you a grounded, honest look at what's happening beneath the surface — and what you can start doing differently. Listen in and take that first step toward showing up more fully in your relationship. If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

  8. Jun 8

    #273 | The Hidden War Inside a Cheater's Body — And How It Steals Your Peace

    What does cheating actually do to the person doing it? Most conversations about infidelity focus on the betrayed partner — and for good reason. But in this episode, Todd Creager turns the lens inward, looking at what happens inside the body and mind of the person having the affair. It's part of his ongoing series on how cheating cheats the cheater, and this episode zeroes in on something rarely talked about: the physiological cost of living a secret. Using the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Todd walks through how our protective parts operate when deep wounds go unaddressed. The "firefighter" part acts out — in this case, through an affair — as a way to escape pain. The guilt and self-attack that follow? That's the "manager" part doing its job. The result is an internal system at war with itself. The body pays the price. What does that look like in practice? A stress cycle that doesn't stop. The adrenaline of secrecy. The cortisol of shame. For most people — not sociopaths, as Todd plainly notes — this creates a chronic internal conflict that quietly drains physical and emotional wellbeing. Infidelity recovery starts with recognizing that the affair was never really about the other person. It was a response to pain that never got the attention it needed. The path out, Todd explains, isn't more self-punishment. It's actually getting honest — with yourself, with a professional, and eventually with your partner if reconciliation is part of the picture. When the wound beneath the behavior gets real attention, real healing becomes possible. Todd has seen it happen, over and over, in his 30+ years working with couples. This episode is for anyone who has been on either side of betrayal, or who suspects there's more going on beneath the surface of the choices they've been making. If you're ready to stop the internal war and work toward actual peace — in your body, your relationship, and yourself — Todd's work is a good place to start. Reach out at toddcreager.com. "Making the world safe for love." If this episode resonates with you, please share it with someone who could benefit and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more couples who are ready to transform their lives. Check out my complete program "From Bickering & Escalating to Connecting & Loving" for more in-depth guidance: https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/loving-connecting-masterclass Todd Creager, LCSW, LMFT Todd is a sex expert and therapist in Huntington Beach.  He provides relationship coaching to couples throughout the world and in Orange County including Irvine, Newport Beach, Corona del Mar, Laguna Beach, Seal Beach and Long Beach.  (714) 848-2288. You can find more tips and resources from Todd Creager at:  https://toddcreager.com   HELPFUL LINKS: Get your FREE copy of Healing Infidelity From The Inside Out https://www.toddcreagertraining.com/heal-infidelity Secrets to a Sexy Marriage:  https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/sexy-marriage-secrets7 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage: https://toddcreager.kartra.com/page/optin-DPYMBe...

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About

Todd Creager is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and relationship coach with over 30 years of experience helping couples build stronger, more fulfilling relationships. In this podcast, Todd talks openly about love, sex, and infidelity with married and long-term couples who want real answers. Drawing from decades in practice, he shares practical advice, relatable stories, and honest guidance to help you work through challenges and create the relationship you actually want. Whether you're dealing with communication breakdowns, intimacy issues, trust after infidelity, or just want to reconnect with your partner, Todd's warm, no-nonsense approach gives you tools you can use right away.

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