The Retro Podcast Massacre

Val Thomas
  • 5.0 (7)
  • FILM REVIEWS

A one-man scripted show about horror movies from the VHS era. Reviews say, "Funny and insightful", "Film history with a soothing voice" and "Densely informative". Subscribe away!

  1. 03/15/2021

    Welcome to The Big Screen Biograph

    The Retro Podcast Massacre is finished! But here's episode 1 of the new podcast - The Big Screen Biograph! If you liked it, please subscribe to the new show at any of the sites below... Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/nz/podcast/the-big-screen-biograph/id1554434636 Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/3UPwd9wrA5ewwSNuZXNLDm Google: https://podcasts.google.com/feed/aHR0cHM6Ly9mZWVkcy5jYXB0aXZhdGUuZm0vdGhlLWJpZy1zY3JlZW4tYmlvZ3JhcGg Amazon: https://music.amazon.co.uk/podcasts/612a4b5c-6e94-4d33-aab0-111e8fec58c6/The-Big-Screen-Biograph Pocket Casts: https://pca.st/xmrdxmhc YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaZhNwU87TOfkBL6NWfDIBw

    1h 13m

  2. 02/16/2021

    Episode 25 - The Rings: Sadako and Samara and ****ing Aidan

    THIS EPISODE INCLUDES FULL SPOILERS FOR THE RING  In this episode, Val watches as many Ring films as he can possibly stand (all but one).  We look at the entire plot of the original Ring movie, to see how it compares to the American remake. Is the original better, or are those who claim the remake is worse just farty cinema snobs?  No hints as to Val's opinion, but yes, totally. They are. Val also runs through the sequels - and there are  LOT of them. From the Japanese sequels, which veer into science fiction and romance, to the American sequels which veer into... errrr... well... remakes of the first one...  So come! Join us one last time! We promise that the rumours about this podcast being cursed are NONSENSE! And that at no point will some watery teenager emerge from your phone and kill you!  Probably.

    49 min

  3. 02/07/2021

    Minisode - The Roly Poly Man - The Strangest Film You've Never Seen

    THIS EPISODE CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS  Join Val for a short episode on the little-seen, little-known, criminally-underappreciated Australian splatter comedy, "The Roly Poly Man". A film SO obscure we could find out almost NOTHING about it. So Val does his best to explain the movie's INCREDIBLY strange plot and tells you why you NEED to track this film down! Featuring giant Amazonian leeches, the murder of a giant TV bear, huge testicles, horny nuns. several horrible children and a horse driving a taxi, you owe it to yourselves to listen to this episode and FIND THIS FILM!

    15 min

  4. 01/19/2021

    Episode 24 - SPLAT! The Savage Humour of Peter Jackson

    THIS EPISODE CONTAINS ONLY LIGHT SPOILERS   Kia ora koutou, Willing Participants!   Come to New Zealand with us, for this very Kiwi episode of The Retro Podcast Massacre!   Val takes a look at the splatstick years of Peter Jackson, from building models and effects in his dad's shed and cooking up aliens in his mum's oven for "Bad Taste" through to bringing us debauched, filthy puppets in "Meet The Feebles" and then on to THEEEE GORIEST FILM IN THE WORLD EVAH - "Braindead" aka "Dead Alive".   We'll be talking about drinking chunder! Cooking charity workers! Murdering puppets! Sumatran rat monkeys!  And mowing the lawn.   So grab yourself a can of L&P, a packet of Rashuns and sit back as we take you to the Land of the Long White Cloud... and HEAPS of blood...  Ngā Mihi, Val

    49 min

  5. 01/04/2021

    Episode 23 - Halloween III: Season of the Witch - Genius or Bollocks?

    WARNING: This episode contains significant spoilers for the film Halloween III. In this episode, Val looks back on the troubled history of the film Halloween III: Season of the Witch. It was a sequel that John Carpenter and Debra Hill didn't want to make. But they found inspiration in one of Carpenter's horror heroes - British science-fiction writer, Nigel Kneale. In an audacious move, they decided to make a film unlike any other in the Halloween franchise. "Not a knife movie, but a pod movie," said Debra Hill. Could they pull it off? As the production broke down in acrimony between Kneale and Carpenter, critics called it a disaster. Fans were divided. And the film has remained controversial ever since. It's time to make the call... Halloween III - genius or BOLLOCKS?

    46 min

  6. 12/29/2020

    Episode 22 - Hogmanay Special: Tales of Old Edinburgh

    HAPPY NEW YEAR! In this festive episode of The Retro Podcast Massacre, Val takes you back to Edinburgh. A medieval city, where past links to the present.  We focus on two tales from famed Scottish author Robert  Louis Stevenson - Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and The Body Snatcher.  Val's old friend Dougal stops by for a dram or two, and to share with us the real-life inspiration for both stories. The dastardly Deacon Brodie, who lived by night as "Sir Lluyd" - a criminal who inspired Mr. Hyde, and then the murders of the original body snatchers, Burke and Hare. Join us for this atmosphere soaked episode! Share a whisky with us and toast in the New Year! Sláinte, Willing Participants.

    1 hr

  7. 11/23/2020

    Episode 21 - Stephen King's Night Shift: The Movies

    THIS EPISODE CONTAINS ONLY MILD SPOILERS In this episode, Val looks back at Stephen King's first collection of short stories, "Night Shift" published in 1978. This slim volume contained enough material to inspire movies, sequels, tv show episodes, segments in anthologies and even a Bollywood movie! Val will look at seven of the feature film adaptations in turn before talking about the great man's awesome Dollar Baby programme which encourages young film-makers to adapt his work. We'll feature one of those very film-makers - Julia Marchese. She has recently taken Stephen King up on this amazing opportunity. And we'll be providing you Willing Participants with the chance to help with her audacious venture! SHOW NOTES: Julia's indiegogo campaign to raise money for the film is now closed but she is still working hard, raising the remainder of the budget. If you wish to contribute to the budget for "I Know What You Need",  you can Tweet Julia @juliacmarchese. She can also be found on Instagram and Facebook. And if you want to know more, you can view Julia's original campaign and update videos here -  https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/i-know-what-you-need-a-stephen-king-adaptation?create_edit=true#/updates/all

    1h 5m

  8. 11/07/2020

    Episode 20 - EVIL TWINS in Horror Movies or "Attack of the Clones"

    THIS EPISODE CONTAINS ONLY MILD SPOILERS In this dramatic episode of The Retro Podcast Massacre, the podcast is taken over by Val's EVIL TWIN Hal, who is determined the turn the Willing Participants into an army of unthinking drones! But first, Hal reviews three horror films which feature twins. The first is 1981's "Madhouse", directed by Ovidio G. Assonitis, featuring a spooky old house and a terrifying twin sister, hell-bent on REVENGE! Then we look at Brian de Palma's brilliant thriller "Sisters", starring Margot Kidder and featuring more Hitchcock references than a Truffaut textbook.  Finally, we spend some time with the Mantle twins in David Cronenberg's brilliant and disturbing "Dead Ringers". This episode also features our first ever Pets in Peril RED Alert, a new segment called "Mansplaining with Men" and a pack of farty Labrador dogs.  Will Val escape? Will Hal's evil plans succeed? You'll have to listen to find out!

    48 min
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About

A one-man scripted show about horror movies from the VHS era. Reviews say, "Funny and insightful", "Film history with a soothing voice" and "Densely informative". Subscribe away!

Information

  • Creator
    Val Thomas
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2021
  • Episodes
    28
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © 2026 The Retro Podcast Massacre
  • Show Website
    The Retro Podcast Massacre