Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

Partnered with a Survivor is a professional-focused podcast created and produced by Ruth Reymundo and hosted by the Safe & Together Institute. What began as intimate conversations between Ruth and David Mandel—founder of the Institute and creator of the Safe & Together Model—about violence, relationships, abuse, and the systems that respond to them has grown into a global conversation about systems and culture change. Hosted by Ruth and co-hosted by David, the podcast features in-depth, professionally grounded discussions about how institutions respond to domestic abuse, gender-based violence, and child maltreatment. Many episodes also feature global leaders working across fields such as child safety, men and masculinity, perpetrator accountability, fatherhood, and partnering with survivors. Together, these conversations examine how systems often fail adult and child survivors, how societal narratives about masculinity and violence shape professional practice, and how intersectional realities—including cultural and religious beliefs, racialised identities, LGBTQ+ experiences, immigration status, disability, and other structural vulnerabilities—shape responses to abuse and violence. The podcast offers an insider lens into how professionals navigate systems not only as practitioners, but also as parents and partners. Through candid dialogue and critical reflection, Ruth and David challenge the assumptions and structures that limit meaningful accountability, safety, and healing. The goal is collective movement across systems, cultures, and families toward greater safety, nurturance, and sustained change. Disclaimer: Episodes contain sensitive topics and occasional mature language that may be difficult for some listeners. The views and opinions expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Safe & Together Institute or its staff.

  1. 1D AGO

    Season 7, Episode 8: Safe & Together In Japan with Professor Kanako Masui

    We’re recording from Okayama, Japan, and the shift you’re about to hear is bigger than language. Professor Kanako Masui of Nihon Fukushi University joins us to explain why so many domestic violence and child protection systems get stuck asking the wrong questions and how the Safe & Together Model helps professionals see what’s been in front of them all along. Kanako shares her journey as both a former practitioner and a researcher who has interviewed domestic violence survivors, including adults who grew up with domestic abuse in childhood. That experience led her to a hard truth: when we focus on “why she didn’t leave” or “why she didn’t protect the kids,” we blur accountability and miss the survivor’s real, often invisible protective efforts. We dig into how a perpetrator’s pattern of behaviours as a parent drives harm to children, how to document those choices clearly, and how to work with survivors with dignity and respect while keeping child safety at the center. We also talk about what implementation looks like on the ground in Japan, from cross-agency collaboration with Child Guidance Centers and Women’s Support Centers to large seminars reaching hundreds of practitioners, plus the intensive work of translating the Safe & Together material and David's book into Japanese so teams can share a common model and common language. Kanako closes with a message to helpers who feel isolated and a direct message to survivors: you are not to be blamed. If you want practical, domestic abuse and trauma-informed ways to improve domestic violence intervention, child welfare decision-making, and perpetrator accountability, listen now. Subscribe, share this with a colleague, and leave a review telling us what language you want to change first. Send us Fan Mail Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    22 min
  2. MAR 23

    Season 7 Episode 7: Coercive Control and Children: What Systems Miss | 2026 Asia Pacific Conference Wrap-Up

    The most useful conference debriefs aren’t about highlights—they’re about what shifts in you when you listen closely. From the Sydney coast, we wrap up a three-and-a-half-week Asia Pacific tour and talk through the moments that changed the temperature in the room at our 2026 Asia Pacific Coercive Control & Children Conference. We start with gratitude, acknowledgement of unceded Aboriginal land, and the reality that building safer systems means showing up with humility, not just expertise. One of the biggest breakthroughs we share is our commitment to localised training and culturally responsive practice. We premiered a new Australia-based training film designed to teach coercive control as a pattern over time, centred in a perinatal scenario that follows a family before and after a child is born. With Australian actors, filmmakers, consultation from cultural experts, and survivor input, the film is built to help professionals recognise subtle tactics, see cumulative harm, and respond in ways that strengthen child and survivor safety rather than repeating harmful system habits. We also get into the harder conversations that practitioners can’t avoid: men’s health, masculinity, and accountability. We talk about why supporting men and boys can’t come at the cost of women and children and why we have to operationalise that promise instead of offering lip service. In the Australian context, we connect family violence practice with the impacts of colonisation, racism, intergenerational trauma, and family separation, while staying clear that healing requires stopping abusive behavior. Along the way, we reflect on survivor voices, workforce wellbeing, and the need for non-extractive organisational cultures. Finally, we dig into the practical lever that can change outcomes in family law: pattern-based documentation. We share why judicial leaders describe this kind of documentation as “gold” and how the SafetyNexus tool supports workers with coaching, mapping, and better notes when stakes are life-or-death.  If you care about coercive control, domestic violence response, child protection, and safer systems, this conversation gives you language you can use tomorrow. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review so more practitioners can find the work. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    29 min
  3. MAR 16

    Season 7 Episode 6: Domestic Abuse in Queer Relationships

    Domestic abuse gets dangerously easy to miss when our systems can only imagine one story about who victims are and what abuse looks like. We sit down with Luke Martin, a UK-based domestic abuse trainer, consultant, and independent victim advocate, to talk about the people most likely to be misunderstood in plain sight: LGBTQ+ survivors, including those in same-sex relationships, who face bias and system failures when seeking assistance for intimate partner violence. We dig into why an incident-based approach can flatten the reality of coercive control, especially when LGBTQ+ survivors fear the very systems they’re told to rely on—for good reason. Luke connects the dots between familial abuse, child maltreatment, conversion practices, homelessness, and the long shadow those experiences cast over adult relationships. We also talk about isolation in queer communities, chosen family, shared friend groups, and the real-world barriers to leaving when leaving means losing identity, housing, or every safe connection you have. Along the way, we challenge gender stereotypes that lead professionals to arrest the “more masculine” partner, ignore violence in lesbian relationships, or assume men cannot be afraid. We explore consent, kink, and chemsex risks, and we offer practical ways to ask better questions: how someone describes their gender, relationship, and sexuality and how to keep that door open over time without pressure. If you care about domestic abuse–informed, trauma-informed practice, domestic violence services, survivor-centred safety planning, and LGBTQ-inclusive responses, listen through and share it with a colleague. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: What is the biggest change you want to see in domestic abuse systems? Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 5m
  4. FEB 25

    Season 7 Episode 5: AI in Child Protection: Can Technology Make Social Work Safer?

    Artificial intelligence is already in social work and child protection, and its use is deepening. The question is: How safe, effective, and equitable is it?  In this episode, David and Ruth talk with Dr. LaSharia Turner and Dr. Helen Fischle from Alabama A&M University about what ethical, human-centered, AI-driven tech should look like in social work education and frontline practice. As agencies face workforce shortages, austerity, high caseloads, and increasing complexity, technology is being introduced as a solution. But can AI actually support domestic violence–informed practice when child safety is on the line? Or does it risk automating bias, victim-blaming, erasing survivor context, and shifting responsibility away from systems and perpetrators as parents? We explore: What “human-centered” AI really means in child welfareThe risks of predictive tools and automationWhy social workers must have a seat at the technology tableHow to prevent tech from increasing survivor and worker burdenThe future of ethical innovation in high-stakes systemsIf you work in child protection, domestic violence services, family courts, behavioral health, or policy, this conversation is for you. Technology should enhance professional judgment—not replace it. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 2m
  5. FEB 10

    Season 7 Episode 4: When Violence Hides In Plain Sight: Expanding Clinical Curiosity to Protect Children with Dr. Norell Rosado

    What if medicine is trained to see bruises and fractures—but misses the injuries that leave no visible mark? In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Dr. Norell Rosado, child abuse pediatrician at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, about the limits of how child maltreatment is identified in medical settings. While bruises and broken bones often drive diagnosis, neglect remains the most common form of maltreatment—and many serious harms leave no outward sign. Together, they explore how time pressure, fear of court involvement, bias, and incident-based thinking create dangerous blind spots. We discuss shifting to a pattern-based approach that looks beyond single events to identify ongoing harm—including domestic abuse and coercive control that disrupt a child’s health, development, and safety. Dr. Rosado unpacks how perpetrators interfere with children’s care: undermining medical advice, disrupting therapy, restricting access to food or transportation, and sabotaging a protective parent’s ability to follow through. We ask a question rarely built into clinical assessments: Is anyone interfering with this child’s care? From traumatic brain injuries without bruising to emerging research on epigenetics, this episode reframes child maltreatment as more than a clinical issue—it is a multigenerational public health emergency. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    53 min
  6. JAN 26

    Season 7 Episode 3: How Systems Become Tools of Coercive Control and What Professionals Must Change: An Interview with Valerie Frost

    We start with a snow-bright morning and end with a sharper lens. We sit down with advocate and system analyst Valerie Frost to explore how systems built to protect families can become tools of coercive control—and how to change that trajectory with better listening, precise language, and survivor-centered practice. Valerie traces the everyday realities of child welfare, family court, schools, and law enforcement, showing where checklists fail, how jargon shuts doors, and why knowledge inequity forces survivors to learn a foreign language just to get help. We dig into visible versus invisible harm and why non-physical abuse or coercive control often gets dismissed or misread, leaving anxiety and hypervigilance weaponized against the survivor. From “customer service” logic for public systems to the risks of records, we examine how police calls and protection orders can be turned against survivors, and how both over-engagement with systems and system hesitancy get blamed. The conversation moves from critique to action: validating protective parenting, centering context over compliance, and anchoring assessments in the perpetrator’s pattern rather than the survivor’s reactions. Valerie shares practical tools—build a dated log, control your narrative with consistent documentation, protect your basics like sleep and hydration—and argues for policy shifts that mandate recognition of coercive control, limit unnecessary information sharing, and reward restraint over surveillance. We also talk about showing up whole: professionals who are survivors, survivors who lead, and creating rooms where the end user defines engagement.  The takeaway is simple and demanding: Systems don’t need more policies as much as they need better listening; survivors have already mapped where harm happens. If this conversation resonates, subscribe, share it with a colleague or friend, and leave a review so more people can find survivor-centered guidance that actually helps. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 2m
  7. JAN 17

    Season 7 Episode 2: 7 Years of Partnership: Survivor Leadership, Systems Change & What Comes Next

    What happens when David turns the tables on Ruth and interviews her—seven years into their shared body of work? In this special anniversary episode, David marks seven years since Ruth joined the Safe & Together Institute by stepping into the interviewer role. This is a founder-level conversation about vision, values, the hard work of scaling, and how systems actually change when lived experience is treated as critical professional expertise—not an add-on. Ruth traces her journey from working with medical practitioners to helping transform Safe & Together from a training organization into a systems-change engine. She shares the deeper vision behind that shift: embedding domestic abuse–informed, trauma-informed, child-centered practice into the real operating conditions of systems through values-aligned leadership, business rigor, and strong operations. A central theme is supporting frontline workers—how poor practice, rigid forms, siloed communication, and unrealistic mandates make ethical work harder, and how better systems design can reduce moral injury and make good practice more sustainable. Ruth also introduces the Credible Expert approach, embedding diverse, system-literate survivors as compensated contributors to design, strategy, and decision-making. Together, they offer an unflinching critique of “reduce removals” initiatives and explain what meaningful reform actually requires. Looking ahead, they introduce SafetyNexus, a technology platform designed to coach practitioners, map perpetrator patterns, strengthen documentation, and streamline workflows—without replacing professional judgment—while centering survivor governance from the start. This episode is both a milestone and an invitation to keep building systems that save lives and save money. Please follow us, share this episode, and send us your comments. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 13m
  8. JAN 5

    Season 7 Episode 1: No, You Can’t Arrest Your Way to Healing and Healthy Relationships with Nneka MacGregor

    We are starting our 7th season and asking the question: "What if love wasn’t the soft side of this work, but the method that makes healing possible?" We chat again with Nneka MacGregor—co-founder and executive director of WomenatthecentrE, survivor, advocate, and visionary—to explore how love, joy, gratitude, and community connection can transform responses to gender-based violence. Instead of centering punishment that rarely repairs harm or teaches nurturing protective behavior, we examine a path where boundaries are love, accountability restores dignity, and systems are redesigned to reduce violence at its roots. Nneka shares the personal story of surviving an attempted femicide and the vow that shaped her leadership: to live with gratitude, choose joy, and build a world where women and children are safer. From there, we dig into transformative justice—what it is, how it works, and why carceral reflexes often disconnect people from community, dull empathy, and compound and reproduce harm. You’ll hear a clear case for accountability that tells the truth, makes repair, and supports real change without throwing people away. Nneka also introduce three bold frameworks that flip misogyny and misogynoir on their heads: amourgyny (love of women, girls, trans, and gender-diverse people), amourgynoir (centering love for Black women, girls, and gender-diverse folks), and amourgenous (centering love for Indigenous women, girls, and two-spirit people). These ideas are already influencing policy in Canada, offering a practical language for institutions to move beyond retribution into more behaviorally grounded and care-centered design. Along the way, we redefine power as something you hold upright and share—strong, embodied, and unentangled from coercion, control, and violence. If you’re a practitioner, policymaker, survivor, or ally, this episode offers a grounded blueprint: lead with love, pair it with firm boundaries, build accountability that repairs, and design systems that center those most harmed. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review with your take: where should love show up first in your world? Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 14m

Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
26 Ratings

About

Partnered with a Survivor is a professional-focused podcast created and produced by Ruth Reymundo and hosted by the Safe & Together Institute. What began as intimate conversations between Ruth and David Mandel—founder of the Institute and creator of the Safe & Together Model—about violence, relationships, abuse, and the systems that respond to them has grown into a global conversation about systems and culture change. Hosted by Ruth and co-hosted by David, the podcast features in-depth, professionally grounded discussions about how institutions respond to domestic abuse, gender-based violence, and child maltreatment. Many episodes also feature global leaders working across fields such as child safety, men and masculinity, perpetrator accountability, fatherhood, and partnering with survivors. Together, these conversations examine how systems often fail adult and child survivors, how societal narratives about masculinity and violence shape professional practice, and how intersectional realities—including cultural and religious beliefs, racialised identities, LGBTQ+ experiences, immigration status, disability, and other structural vulnerabilities—shape responses to abuse and violence. The podcast offers an insider lens into how professionals navigate systems not only as practitioners, but also as parents and partners. Through candid dialogue and critical reflection, Ruth and David challenge the assumptions and structures that limit meaningful accountability, safety, and healing. The goal is collective movement across systems, cultures, and families toward greater safety, nurturance, and sustained change. Disclaimer: Episodes contain sensitive topics and occasional mature language that may be difficult for some listeners. The views and opinions expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Safe & Together Institute or its staff.

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