Partnered with a Survivor: David Mandel and Ruth Reymundo Mandel

Ruth Reymundo Mandel & David Mandel

Partnered with a Survivor is a professional-focused podcast created and produced by Ruth Reymundo and hosted by the Safe & Together Institute. What began as intimate conversations between Ruth and David Mandel—founder of the Institute and creator of the Safe & Together Model—about violence, relationships, abuse, and the systems that respond to them has grown into a global conversation about systems and culture change. Hosted by Ruth and co-hosted by David, the podcast features in-depth, professionally grounded discussions about how institutions respond to domestic abuse, gender-based violence, and child maltreatment. Many episodes also feature global leaders working across fields such as child safety, men and masculinity, perpetrator accountability, fatherhood, and partnering with survivors. Together, these conversations examine how systems often fail adult and child survivors, how societal narratives about masculinity and violence shape professional practice, and how intersectional realities—including cultural and religious beliefs, racialised identities, LGBTQ+ experiences, immigration status, disability, and other structural vulnerabilities—shape responses to abuse and violence. The podcast offers an insider lens into how professionals navigate systems not only as practitioners, but also as parents and partners. Through candid dialogue and critical reflection, Ruth and David challenge the assumptions and structures that limit meaningful accountability, safety, and healing. The goal is collective movement across systems, cultures, and families toward greater safety, nurturance, and sustained change. Disclaimer: Episodes contain sensitive topics and occasional mature language that may be difficult for some listeners. The views and opinions expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Safe & Together Institute or its staff.

  1. May 20

    Season 7 Episode 11: Why Coercive Control Laws Alone Won't Protect Women and Children with Dr. Marsha Scott

    A coercive control law can be groundbreaking and still leave survivors asking, “Why doesn’t life feel safer?” David and Ruth are joined by Dr. Marsha Scott, CEO of Scottish Women’s Aid, to talk about Scotland’s hard-won reforms and the uncomfortable truth behind them: Legal change is only the beginning, and implementation is where domestic abuse reform succeeds or fails.  They dig into what makes Scotland’s coercive control framework so influential, including its course of conduct focus and why impact matters more than trying to read a perpetrator’s “intent.” Dr. Scott shares what the law has changed in public understanding and what has not changed yet in courts, sentencing, and survivor trust. Ruth, David, and Dr. Scott also get practical about what closes the implementation gap: infrastructure, better evidence, skilled supervision, and real accountability when systems keep defaulting to old habits.  Then they turn to family court, child protection, and child contact decision-making, where children’s rights can get lost and where poor documentation can make the perpetrator disappear while the survivor is judged through a deficit lens. They talk about reports, mental health models, and what it takes to pivot practice toward perpetrator patterns as parenting behaviours with measurable harm to kids.  If you care about coercive control, children’s safety, and systems change that actually sticks, hit subscribe, share the episode with a colleague, and leave us a review on your favorite podcast platform. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 16m
  2. May 11

    Season 7 Episode 10: The Assumptions That Put LGBTQ Survivors at Risk

    If your picture of domestic abuse is still “bigger person equals perpetrator,” that assumption can derail safety planning in minutes, especially in same-sex relationships and LGBTQ families.  In this episode, Ruth and David sit down with Dr. James Rowlands, sociologist and founder of the Dyn Project, to explore what actually helps practitioners identify abuse more accurately: tracking patterns of coercive control, listening for fear and entrapment, and documenting real behaviours instead of relying on identity-based assumptions. Ruth, David, and Dr. Rowlands unpack the tension many professionals feel between maintaining a gender-based violence lens, recognising gendered double standards, and being inclusive of queer survivors and male victims. While “gender-neutral” approaches can sound fair, they can also flatten power dynamics, erase social context, and obscure the role gender norms play in abusive relationships. Together, they examine the “public story” that often steers professionals toward proxies like size, presentation, or stereotypes instead of evidence-based assessment. They also discuss how abuse tactics can look different in LGBTQ relationships, where outing, community stigma, and questions around “who counts as queer” can become tools of coercion and control. The conversation gets practical, too. David, Ruth, and Dr. Rowlands explore why LGBTQ survivors are often missed in MARAC referrals, how generic risk checklists fail without LGBTQ-specific prompts, and what domestic homicide and death reviews can get wrong when queerness is treated as the explanation rather than focusing on perpetrator behaviour and systemic failures. They close with concrete questions practitioners can ask to build trust with survivors, along with guidance for navigating biased or unsafe professional responses. Subscribe, share this with a colleague or friend, and leave a review so more people can find these tools. What’s one assumption you’ve seen cause harm in a domestic abuse response? Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 10m
  3. May 1

    Season 7 Episode 9: When Systems Fracture Identity: A Métis Perspective on Belonging and Accountability

    Systems don’t just “break” on their own. They do what they were designed to do, and too often that means extracting money, labor, and dignity while claiming to keep us safe.  In this episode, David and Ruth sit down with Trisha McOrmond, a Red River Métis systems thinker, to explore what it means to navigate belonging when it’s been fractured by family separation, colonisation, and institutions. They talk about the tension of feeling responsible to advocate, serve, and tell the truth without speaking for an entire community. They dig into why speaking from “I” and lived experience isn’t selfish, it’s accountable, and how the “royal we” can obscure harm in leadership, training, and professional spaces. Trisha shares what decolonising thinking means to her: shifting from a scarcity worldview—where you “arrive here wanting” and must prove your worth—to a relational one, where you “arrive here wanted,” and community organises around care, children, elders, and basic needs. That shift reshapes how we understand capitalism, business as service, and the subtle ways institutions protect capital, property, and liability over people. They also connect these ideas to domestic violence and child welfare systems. David, Ruth, and Trisha explore how deficit-based frameworks get weaponised against victims and targeted communities, how DARVO shows up at scale, and why asking “what will make this better?” can sometimes open doors that “what will make you safer?” closes. If you care about systems change, targeted communities, First Nations perspectives, institutional trust, and building safety through relationships, this conversation is for you. Subscribe, share this with someone doing hard systems work, and leave a review so more people can find the show. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 3m
  4. Apr 3

    Season 7 Episode 8: Shifting Domestic Violence Practice in Japan with Professor Kanako Masui

    Ruth and David are recording from Okayama, Japan, and the shift you’re about to hear is bigger than language.  Professor Kanako Masui of Nihon Fukushi University joins David and Ruth to explain why so many domestic violence and child protection systems get stuck asking the wrong questions and how the Safe & Together Model helps professionals see what’s been in front of them all along. Kanako shares her journey as both a former practitioner and a researcher who has interviewed domestic violence survivors, including adults who grew up with domestic abuse in childhood. That experience led her to a hard truth: When we focus on “why she didn’t leave” or “why she didn’t protect the kids,” we blur accountability and miss the survivor’s real, often invisible protective efforts. Ruth, David, and Kanako dig into how a perpetrator’s pattern of behaviour as a parent drives harm to children, how to document those choices clearly, and how to work with survivors with dignity and respect while keeping child safety at the center. They also talk about what implementation looks like on the ground in Japan—from cross-agency collaboration with child guidance centers and women’s support centers to large seminars reaching hundreds of practitioners—and the intensive work of translating the Safe & Together material and David's book into Japanese so teams can share a common model and language. Kanako closes with a message to helpers who feel isolated and a direct message to survivors: You are not to be blamed. If you want practical, trauma- and domestic abuse–informed ways to improve domestic violence intervention, child welfare decision-making, and perpetrator accountability, listen now. Subscribe, share this with a colleague, and leave a review telling us what language you want to change first. Send us Fan Mail Check out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    22 min
  5. Mar 23

    Season 7 Episode 7: Coercive Control and Children: What Systems Miss | 2026 Asia Pacific Conference Wrap-Up

    The most useful conference debriefs aren’t about highlights—they’re about what shifts in you when you listen closely. From the Sydney coast, Ruth and David wrap up a three-and-a-half-week Asia Pacific tour and talk through the moments that changed the temperature in the room at the Safe & Together Institute's 2026 Asia Pacific Coercive Control & Children Conference. They start with gratitude, acknowledgement of unceded Aboriginal land, and the reality that building safer systems means showing up with humility, not just expertise. One of the biggest breakthroughs David and Ruth share is their commitment to localised training and culturally responsive practice. The Institute premiered a new Australia-based training film designed to teach coercive control as a pattern over time, centred in a perinatal scenario that follows a family before and after a child is born. With Australian actors, filmmakers, consultation from cultural experts, and survivor input, the film is built to help professionals recognise subtle tactics, see cumulative harm, and respond in ways that strengthen child and survivor safety rather than repeating harmful system habits. Ruth and David also get into the harder conversations that practitioners can’t avoid: men’s health, masculinity, and accountability. They talk about why supporting men and boys can’t come at the cost of women and children and why we have to operationalise that promise instead of offering lip service. In the Australian context, David and Ruth connect family violence practice with the impacts of colonisation, racism, intergenerational trauma, and family separation, while staying clear that healing requires stopping abusive behavior. Along the way, they reflect on survivor voices, workforce wellbeing, and the need for non-extractive organisational cultures. Finally, Ruth and David dig into the practical lever that can change outcomes in family law: pattern-based documentation. They share why judicial leaders describe this kind of documentation as “gold” and how the SafetyNexus tool supports workers with coaching, mapping, and better notes when stakes are life-or-death.  If you care about coercive control, domestic violence response, child protection, and safer systems, this conversation gives you language you can use tomorrow. Subscribe, share with a colleague, and leave a review so more practitioners can find the work. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    29 min
  6. Mar 16

    Season 7 Episode 6: Domestic Abuse in Queer Relationships

    Domestic abuse gets dangerously easy to miss when our systems can only imagine one story about who victims are and what abuse looks like. David and Ruth sit down with Luke Martin, a UK-based domestic abuse trainer, consultant, and independent victim advocate, to talk about the people most likely to be misunderstood in plain sight: LGBTQ+ survivors, including those in same-sex relationships, who face bias and system failures when seeking assistance for intimate partner violence. They dig into why an incident-based approach can flatten the reality of coercive control, especially when LGBTQ+ survivors fear the very systems they’re told to rely on—for good reason. Luke connects the dots between familial abuse, child maltreatment, conversion practices, homelessness, and the long shadow those experiences cast over adult relationships. They also talk about isolation in queer communities, chosen family, shared friend groups, and the real-world barriers to leaving when leaving means losing identity, housing, or every safe connection you have. Along the way, Ruth, David, and Luke challenge gender stereotypes that lead professionals to arrest the “more masculine” partner, ignore violence in lesbian relationships, or assume men cannot be afraid. They explore consent, kink, and chemsex risks, and they offer practical ways to ask better questions: how someone describes their gender, relationship, and sexuality and how to keep that door open over time without pressure. If you care about domestic abuse–informed, trauma-informed practice, domestic violence services, survivor-centred safety planning, and LGBTQ-inclusive responses, listen through and share it with a colleague. Subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: What is the biggest change you want to see in domestic abuse systems? Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 5m
  7. Season 7 Episode 5: AI in Child Protection: Can Technology Make Social Work Safer?

    Feb 25

    Season 7 Episode 5: AI in Child Protection: Can Technology Make Social Work Safer?

    Artificial intelligence is already in social work and child protection, and its use is deepening. The question is: How safe, effective, and equitable is it?  In this episode, David and Ruth talk with Dr. LaSharia Turner and Dr. Helen Fischle from Alabama A&M University about what ethical, human-centered, AI-driven tech should look like in social work education and frontline practice. As agencies face workforce shortages, austerity, high caseloads, and increasing complexity, technology is being introduced as a solution. But can AI actually support domestic violence–informed practice when child safety is on the line? Or does it risk automating bias, victim-blaming, erasing survivor context, and shifting responsibility away from systems and perpetrators as parents? We explore: What “human-centered” AI really means in child welfareThe risks of predictive tools and automationWhy social workers must have a seat at the technology tableHow to prevent tech from increasing survivor and worker burdenThe future of ethical innovation in high-stakes systemsIf you work in child protection, domestic violence services, family courts, behavioral health, or policy, this conversation is for you. Technology should enhance professional judgment—not replace it. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    1h 2m
  8. Feb 10

    Season 7 Episode 4: When Violence Hides In Plain Sight: Expanding Clinical Curiosity to Protect Children with Dr. Norell Rosado

    What if medicine is trained to see bruises and fractures—but misses the injuries that leave no visible mark? In this episode of Partnered with a Survivor, David and Ruth speak with Dr. Norell Rosado, child abuse pediatrician at the University of Wisconsin School of Medicine and Public Health, about the limits of how child maltreatment is identified in medical settings. While bruises and broken bones often drive diagnosis, neglect remains the most common form of maltreatment—and many serious harms leave no outward sign. Together, they explore how time pressure, fear of court involvement, bias, and incident-based thinking create dangerous blind spots. We discuss shifting to a pattern-based approach that looks beyond single events to identify ongoing harm—including domestic abuse and coercive control that disrupt a child’s health, development, and safety. Dr. Rosado unpacks how perpetrators interfere with children’s care: undermining medical advice, disrupting therapy, restricting access to food or transportation, and sabotaging a protective parent’s ability to follow through. We ask a question rarely built into clinical assessments: Is anyone interfering with this child’s care? From traumatic brain injuries without bruising to emerging research on epigenetics, this episode reframes child maltreatment as more than a clinical issue—it is a multigenerational public health emergency. Send us Fan Mail Now available! Mapping the Perpetrator’s Pattern: A Practitioner’s Tool for Improving Assessment, Intervention, and Outcomes The web-based Perpetrator Pattern Mapping Tool is a virtual practice tool for improving assessment, intervention, and outcomes through a perpetrator pattern-based approach. The tool allows practitioners to apply the Model’s critical concepts and principles to their current case load in realCheck out David Mandel's new book Stop Blaming Mothers and Ignoring Fathers: How to Transform the Way We Keep Children Safe from Domestic Violence. Visit the Safe & Together Institute website. Start taking Safe & Together Institute courses. Check out Safe & Together Institute upcoming events.

    53 min

Ratings & Reviews

4.9
out of 5
26 Ratings

About

Partnered with a Survivor is a professional-focused podcast created and produced by Ruth Reymundo and hosted by the Safe & Together Institute. What began as intimate conversations between Ruth and David Mandel—founder of the Institute and creator of the Safe & Together Model—about violence, relationships, abuse, and the systems that respond to them has grown into a global conversation about systems and culture change. Hosted by Ruth and co-hosted by David, the podcast features in-depth, professionally grounded discussions about how institutions respond to domestic abuse, gender-based violence, and child maltreatment. Many episodes also feature global leaders working across fields such as child safety, men and masculinity, perpetrator accountability, fatherhood, and partnering with survivors. Together, these conversations examine how systems often fail adult and child survivors, how societal narratives about masculinity and violence shape professional practice, and how intersectional realities—including cultural and religious beliefs, racialised identities, LGBTQ+ experiences, immigration status, disability, and other structural vulnerabilities—shape responses to abuse and violence. The podcast offers an insider lens into how professionals navigate systems not only as practitioners, but also as parents and partners. Through candid dialogue and critical reflection, Ruth and David challenge the assumptions and structures that limit meaningful accountability, safety, and healing. The goal is collective movement across systems, cultures, and families toward greater safety, nurturance, and sustained change. Disclaimer: Episodes contain sensitive topics and occasional mature language that may be difficult for some listeners. The views and opinions expressed by podcast guests are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of the Safe & Together Institute or its staff.

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