Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele Taraba

Gissele Taraba
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Love and Compassion Podcast-Where Gissele talks with everyday exceptional people who have overcome adversities and have wisdom to share.

  1. 7h ago

    Ep. 111 – The Kindness Project: How One Man is Loving People One Meal At a Time

    TRANSCRIPT [00:00:00] Gissele: Hello and welcome to the Love and Compassion podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. And if you’d like to support the podcast, you could go to buymeacoffee.com/loveandcompassion. Gissele: Today we’re talking about spreading kindness towards other, and our guest today is Braidon Johnson. He was raised in a broken home, constantly moving back and forth between his parents and attending about 15 different schools between elementary and high school. With constant conflict and both of his parents struggling with severe substance abuse, he emancipated himself at 14 and moved into his first apartment. Gissele: School was very difficult, and he eventually dropped out at grade 11 when he had his son, Miles. It wasn’t until his 30s that he was finally diagnosed with mobility issues and ADHD. About seven years ago, he lost his mother to an overdose. [00:01:00] Just before she passed, both she and her brother were in jail after getting in trouble together. Gissele: He was faced with the impossible decision of having to choose which one to bail out, and he chose his brother. Not long after, his mother passed away, and he’s been living with the weight of that. It has been one of the hardest things he’s ever had to carry. But he also realized that setting good boundaries and separating himself from that cycle was necessary for him to heal and grow and become the person and father he is today. Over the past five years, he’s done deep work on mental health, off and on medication for anxiety and depression most of his life. But through personal work and education with the CMHA, he gained a real understanding of how trauma and mental health work. He has managed well without his medication for the past few years, although he still deals with physical mobility challenges. Gissele: but that does not stop him from working hard in labor-intensive trades. [00:02:00] Over the years, he’s worked different jobs, gained extensive experience in construction and commercial kitchens. Around age 20, when things hit rock bottom, he found himself staying at a homeless shelter, eating food like powdered milk and plain Cheerios for breakfast and even lunch, and bland frozen foods. Gissele: That pushed him to rebuild and eventually working his way up through the culinary industry to fine dining at Ruth’s Chris. Today, he’s an entrepreneur running a property maintenance and landscaping business, Four Seasons Makeover, as well as working in catering. Having lived through childhood trauma, personal struggles with substance abuse in his 20s, and housing instability He created the Kindness Project, which today, alongside with a team of 10 dedicated volunteers, serves home-cooked meals and distribute clothing every Sunday at Victoria Park, supporting around, uh, 100 unhoused individuals as well as [00:03:00] local seniors and families facing food insecurity. They’re not tied to any religion agenda, their focus is simply providing high-quality food, dignity, and compassion. Their organization started with a simple question: What if people were just kind? Please join me in welcoming Braidon Johnson. Hi, Braidon. Braidon: Hi, thanks for having me. I really appreciate this opportunity Gissele: Yeah, of course. And thank you for being on the show. I was wondering if you could tell the audience a little bit about how you started The Kindness Project? Braidon: Yeah, definitely. So basically, I had moved to Brantford, and it was in December when things started getting really cold and there was a lot of snow. And I was kind of venturing around downtown, and I noticed there was a lot of people who were struggling on the streets. And so it kinda sparked an, a thought in my mind that maybe I could go out and, uh, hand out some Christmas dinner to [00:04:00] people in need. Braidon: And so my girlfriend and I, we went out and set up a little table, and within a few minutes, people started lining up and kinda asking, like, “What are you guys doing? Why are you doing this?” And I just told them, just out of the kindness of my heart, I just wanted to give back to the community. And everybody was extremely happy, and the meals went really quickly. Braidon: And I noticed, okay, this is something that is definitely needed in the area. And so I decided maybe I’ll start coming back and doing it every week. And really quickly, we started growing with volunteers. we had a few at first, and then it kinda blew up with, tons of people in the community asking if they could get involved, um, asking if they could donate, clothing and food. Braidon: And so it kind of, uh, really sparked a flame in other people’s hearts as well. everybody kinda knows about the issues, and so we kinda all work together to make a difference in the community Gissele: and that’s such a beautiful thing to do and such an amazing [00:05:00] way of giving back in the community. Do you feel that it was your experience in the homeless shelter that really motivated you to not just see the suffering and just ignore it or feel bad about it? Because many people will see that suffering, will see that people have food insecurity, but they don’t move towards the action of actually helping someone. Braidon: Yeah, honestly, when I was staying in the homeless shelter, I never really imagined being able to be in this position to give back. I’d seen posters on the walls of people who were a part of that shelter and who donated, and I thought to myself, “Maybe one day I could be someone like that.” but when I was going through it, it never really crossed my mind to be able to actually do it. Braidon: it was always a really faraway dream. and because of the things I was going through, just honestly, it never occurred to me that I’d be in this position to be able to give back. And, I realized recently it doesn’t take so much money and so much, other than, like, compassion and love. Braidon: [00:06:00] that’s all you really need to be able to give back. And so just being a middleman and realizing that there’s so much food waste out there in the world, if I’m just someone who’s able to take up the time and the resources to get involved, then it can really make a difference just simply by just being available and being willing to try Gissele: are you able to share your experience of how you were able to get yourself out of the homeless shelter? Because there might be people who might be struggling right now who, who would see your story as inspirational. So is there anything that you can share about that experience? Braidon: Yeah. Honestly, it is hard to get out of a homeless shelter, um, when you’re trying to apply for jobs especially. and like social assistance, they don’t help you as much when you’re in a shelter. So I honestly, I fibbed on my resume and I said I had a house, and I was able to get a job pretty quickly in a kitchen, and it was part-time hours at first, but as soon as I got in there and they seen that I was willing to work [00:07:00] hard, I was able to kind of build my way up and, uh, went from just a, a small position to being a lot more appreciated and with lots of hours and lots of opportunities Gissele: That’s wonderful. Can you talk a little bit about the mindset that you need to have in order for you to… Because It can do a lot to your mental health to be in a situation when you feel like you have no resources and have nowhere to go. Can you talk a little bit about maybe some of the thinking that you had to have in order for you to move forward with applying to jobs and move forward with, wanting to get yourself out of the shelter? Braidon: Yeah. So at first, before I was in a shelter, I was kinda couch hopping, to friends’ houses and some family that would allow me to stay. But it was honestly my mentality that ended me up in the homeless shelters because I had a very poor me mentality and, it wasn’t until I finally decided, okay, it’s up to me, it’s my responsibility, I kinda have to start from ground zero in [00:08:00] order to build my way up, and just living off the backs of others, it doesn’t get you anywhere. Braidon: It really takes that push to actually get out and apply for jobs and try and build your way up in the world. so it took a while for me to get through it, but luckily the counselors that were available at the shelter, they were really helpful. And at first I was just wanting to keep to myself and I didn’t really want to talk to other people about what I was going through. Braidon: But it was when I started to open up that I realized that everybody has their struggles and everybody’s kinda going through something. And so it just takes that a little bit of motivation from others and a lot of motivation from yourself to just really get to the grind and just try your best Gissele: Yeah,and I wanna applaud the fact that it takes a lot of, courage to be vulnerable, because I can imagine there must be a lot of shame and guilt that happens [00:09:00] when you are living in a shelter and you, have a history of childhood trauma, to be able to be vulnerable and put yourself out there and say, “Here’s my situation. Gissele: Who can help me?” I think it must have been challenge. what helped you have that courage to be able to reach out to people for support? Braidon: Well, when I was growing up, like really young, like five or six years old, everybody would say, like, “What do you wanna be when you’re older?” And one of the things was I would always say a psychiatrist. but growing up, I started to realize that psychiatrists aren’t free, and they’re more so for prescribing medication. Braidon: But one thing I never connected with was counselors. And so finally kind of getting over that idea that people aren’t always gon

  2. Sep 5

    Ep. 110 – Can Grief and Joy Co-Exist Together?

    TRANSCRIPT Gissele: [00:00:00] Welcome to our award-winning podcast, Love and Compassion Podcast with Gisele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. Gissele: Today we’re talking about compassion and grief, and we’re talking to Maria Belanic, who is a bereaved mother, certified grief educator, and a coach who supports grieving parents discovering how love and loss can exist in the same breath. Gissele: Her eldest sons , Stephan was diagnosed with an incurable blood cancer at 16. After an 11 year struggle he died. Six months later Maria’s dad also died. What followed was limbo. 10 years of trying to fix her grief pretending she was fine when she wasn’t. Gissele: Today Maria guides other grieving parents to carry love and loss together without pretending that everything is okay. You don’t have to be fine. Hi, Maria. Thank you for being on the show Hi. [00:01:00] Maria: Hi, Gisele. It’s such an honor to be on your show. Thank you. Gissele: Thank you. Gissele: Thank you very much. I was wondering if you could start telling the audience a little bit abouthow you guys found out about the diagnosis and how the journey led to you actually helping other grief parents. Maria: Okay. The diagnosis was actually something that we hadn’t even expected. Maria: As a teenager, he was 15, 16. He was having not so much health issues, but things that the doctors go, “Oh, it’s a growth spurt. It’s this and that.” They couldn’t really explain what was happening. And of course, they found out that one of his organs was larger than what they had thought of, so they sent him for tests and things like that. Maria: And that’s when it came back that he had a blood cancer, and then they found out that it’s really quite rare ’cause it only affects men in their later years. And my son was the youngest that they had ever seen it, [00:02:00] and they had no idea what it entailed and where it was going, ’cause most people most men who had it died within two to three years. Maria: So to live with it for 11 years was actually something the doctors hadn’t seen Gissele: And walk us through the process. So he fought for 11 years. That must have been really difficult for him and for you guys as well. And then at the end trying to grieve the loss of your son while at the same time trying to also grieve the loss of your dad. Gissele: I’m wondering if you could share sort of what the journey was like? W- were there feelings of anger and frustration? And I know that as a parent myself, I love my children so much, as I’m sure you do too. It would have been really difficult for me to trust life, to trust God, source, universe。 and to try to understand such a significant loss as a parent. Gissele: We always expect them to mourn us later on not expect [00:03:00] to bury your own children. So that’s probably one of the most difficult challenging concepts to get our heads around. Maria: It is. It’s actually unimaginable to envision that your own child will die before you do, and it’s something that basically breaks the order of what we expect life to be. Maria: And part of that, I always call the cancer journey became like a roller coaster that was our normal. It became part of our life. So after a while, you just… like the treatments, the tests, the hospital rooms, the crisis after crises became that cycle that you go, “Oh yeah, this is what life is all about” aspect. Maria: So I didn’t even envision anything about the cancer and kinda went, “This is what it’s going to be,” always. Yet, there’s that underlying of bracing of, is what’s gonna [00:04:00] happen next? And you’re constantly bracing for the crises cons– And sometimes it’s not even the crises. In Stefan case, even a common cold like vomiting could kill him. Maria: And so part of that was there’s this tension, this stress that is layered on, and it just… I guess you don’t notice it anymore because you’re living in it. And so what you’re really doing is surviving without really a plan except how do we get through this day? How do we get through this crisis? And that’s what the focus is on. Maria: And when he did die, ’cause it changed to acute myeloid leukemia when he was 27, and when he did die, it was a shock Even though I was told that he was going to die cause he was given 24 hours to live, and he actually lived for three months afterwards. And I always go, “That was probably because I had asked the [00:05:00] doctors not to tell him that he was dying.” Maria: I… And my sort of estimate was like no one really h- needs to hear those words. We I always go even in Stefan’s life, even with everything that he had gone through and experienced, he had become a registered massage therapist. So he, yeah, in his life, he was still striving. Because in our minds it was like, “Yeah, we’re just going to live with it.” Maria: I had changed the verbiage around cancer to say condition. So we had become used to this blood condition which it was like, “Oh yeah, this is what life’s g- always going to be. Doesn’t matter how old you are, this is what…” And so that’s what the attitude was. And it kept him moving forward into what do you want to do with your life? Maria: And so when the doctors had told me that, and I had to watch him [00:06:00] slowly, slowly get weaker and weaker within those three months. And I’m sure even Stefan knew what was happening. And it wasn’t that we were ignoring it. I just feel why do we need to verbalize something? I am a firm believer of until it’s your last breath, why take hope away from anyone? Gissele: Yeah, I definitely can agree with that. I’ve never shared anything on this podcast before aboutmy family’s experience. But both my cousins the children of one of my aunts died of cancer. Gissele: and I remember one of the things that my aunt had said to me was that, so he– So it was a boy and a girl my cousin Rosella and my cousin Robert. They both died at different times. Rosella died first, then he did. And and I remember her saying to me that he had gone to his appointment, and then I think he ended up being hospitalized after that appointment. Gissele: But he was planning on coming home. he had all of these things that he was planning to do in his agenda or his [00:07:00] calendar of things, and he never got a chance to do them. And so it’s … As you were talking about the fact that he was starting to… He was building this life where, he as a registered massage therapist and so on. Maria: There’s all these sort of interruptions about, I guess life had other plans. I don’t even know. But it really can feel quite shocking to, to imagine that the person is there, and then that the person is not. What helped you manage your grief?It didn’t happen all at once. I always go, “I lost 10 years of my life after Stefan died.” I lived in a blur basically where I was functioning on autopilot. But underneath it all, I was numb, I was empty, I was disorientated. And there’s a point where we can pretend that we’re fine, that we can do all the things that are expected. Maria: Like we can work, we can function But we’re not fully present [00:08:00] in life, and I know that I did things like I did fundraisers on Stefan’s behalf for his legacy. I, I was working. All of these things were automatic. And yet if someone were to say, “How is your grief?” I really don’t remember anything because everything seems a blur. Maria: Life became this before and after. Before Stefan died, which in some ways seemed like a fairy tale. Was it a life that I had lived? Right? It just seemed like it belonged to another world, and I was living in this twilight zone. Not knowing what was gonna happen, afraid that this was going to be my forever, living in this pain. Maria: And of course all I heard from other people was, “When are you getting back to normal? Why are you still stuck?” All of these things I think felt like an assault to me, and that just [00:09:00] caused more of a retreat, and almost reclusive behavior where you don’t want to go out. You just do what you can do, but you don’t wanna be around anyone. Maria: And it’s also that aspect of thinking, “What’s wrong with me?” And part of that is always go, there’s we have our own gremlins that have these voices that will say, “If you were smarter, you would have found a cure. If you were worthy, Stefan wouldn’t have died.” So all of this kept playing in my mind, keeping me awake, plus what people had said, and you’re kinda like, “What is wrong with me?” Maria: And the more we feel unworthy and something is wrong with us, A, we try to fix it or we go deeper into ourselves, and that’s why I say the 10 years of my life were a blur Until one day when I was looking in the mirror, really a f- not recognizing who I was, and [00:10:00] looking at basically the two options. This fear that this is my forever. Maria: We all see that those movies where we see the person who’s grieving and people are going, “Oh, that poor person.” They were fine beforehand, and then when their child died, look at them now aspect scary person. Or the other option was healing, and we use the word healing as if, we have a broken bone and it heals. Maria: And even with a broken bone, even the healing is never really the same as before the break. And so I viewed healing as almost forgetting. How could I forget my son? How could I move on and almost never… like he was existing beforehand. And those two were a struggle between my heart and my head, and the whisper that came to me was, “What if grief [00:11:00] stayed?” Maria: And that seemed to offer me a third option, and that’s where I recognized that the grief and the love coexist, where I didn’t have to forget

  3. Aug 28

    Ep. 109 – How to Be Authentically Ourselves Even With Difficult People

    TRANSCRIPT megan: [00:00:00] Gissele: Hello, and welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. Gissele: We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. Gissele: Today, we’re Gissele: gonna be talking about how to become more authentically ourselves Gissele: and how to raise authentic children. Gissele: And our Gissele: guest today is Megan Fuccarelli, Gissele: who’s a TEDx speaker, international bestselling author, Gissele: and founder and CEO Gissele: of Us Squared Consulting. Gissele: Known as the authenticity Gissele: amplifier, she helps leaders in organizations move beyond performative Gissele: inclusion and into Gissele: meaningful culture transformation. Gissele: Through her Gissele: care certification and metamorphosis framework, Megan empowers Gissele: audiences to lead with authenticity, Gissele: build trust, and create Gissele: environments where people are seen, Gissele: heard, welcome, and valued. Gissele: Please join Gissele: us in welcoming Megan. Hi, Megan. megan: us Gissele: Oh, I’m so excited to talk about this topic and to talk with you about [00:01:00] it. I was wondering if you could tell the audience a little bit about how you got started in this work. [00:01:04] How Megan Got Started on This Work megan: That is a loaded question. I will say that I originally went into my first chapter of my career was actually in the education system. I retired as a school superintendent, and what I learned in that environment was that our children are sponges for collecting everything around them, and they learn just as much from what we teach them out of books than they learn from the things we talk about and how we communicate with one another, and also what we don’t talk about. megan: So when I left the education system, I wanted to lean into that a little bit more and have more honest, authentic conversation around who we are as people, and that’s what kind of drew me into this. It started as I was gonna own my job, maybe consulting with a couple school districts, and we just celebrated 10 years, and it has totally morphed into a much larger vision than even I could have held for myself. megan: But I think the universe has a way of creating the [00:02:00] visions bigger than ourselves sometimes. Gissele: Yeah. Yeah, definitely can agree with that. Gissele: I was wondering if you could comment on whether or not the school system necessarily whether it reinforces or whether it detracts from us being authentically ourselves [00:02:15] Do Schools Help or Hinder Authenticity? megan: I think it depends on what school district or what school system you’re looking at. I think there are some schools who are able to model how to become more authentic, and at the same time, we have a lot of school systems who are detracting from that ability. I think it depends on who’s running the school district, who the teachers are. megan: I think even in a very resolute school district who is very clear on guidelines that are almost detracting from that authenticity, you still have teachers who are those beacons for authenticity within their schools. So I don’t think there is an absolute that there is a school or a school system that is 100% on board with authenticity. megan: I think as a whole we detract from that, but there are beacons of [00:03:00] excellence in all systems. [00:03:01] Why People Shame Others for Being Authentic Gissele: I love that ‘Cause when I think about authenticity and when I think about even my own journey , I can see how We’ve co-created this society that really doesn’t enable us to be authentically ourselves. Gissele: It’s like, no, not like that, right? Gissele: Everybody always says, “Oh, be yourself.” And then when we’re being ourselves, we’re like, “No, don’t. Not like that.” Don’t do that.” I was just wondering what your thoughts were. megan: Yeah, I think one of the things that’s really interesting is we say that, like you just said, right? Come be yourself. But if we push back against someone for being themselves, oftentime it’s because there’s something that they’re doing that reminds me of something within ourselves that’s unhealed, right? megan: So if, for example, you say, “I want you to be yourself,” and they come to you and say, “I am dating someone of the same gender,” and you’re like, “Oh, no, no, no. Don’t tell me that. That’s TMI, too much information,” oftentimes there’s something unhealed within ourselves about that. Not that your own sexuality is in question, but maybe you have unhealed [00:04:00] trauma from a family member who exposed or a friend who exposed prior. megan: Why is that so difficult to receive? So again, I say to people, if you are pushing back against someone else’s authenticity, do a deep dive into what that’s exposing for yourself about who you are, because it has more to do with you and less to do with them if you’re not willing to receive them. Gissele: And I think that’s the reason why people make those comments that you kind of wonder why they do. if somebody’s, showing a picture of themselves and they’re not conventionally beautiful, like somebody will be like, “Oh, you look fat,” or, “You look old.” And I always wonder, like, why would anyone take the time out to do that? Gissele: But I think what you’re getting at is really, there’s something about them that’s being triggered that they need to go and check that person. And so yeah, I think this … You’re making a really important point. megan: And we Gissele: Ja megan: right? Like, people who are larger or might not have the societally perceived beautiful body type, and they’re wearing a swimsuit or they’re wearing a dress, and people will come in with, “Well, they shouldn’t wear that,” or, “You shouldn’t wear that.” megan: And I think [00:05:00] internally that person has heard that phrase before, and they’re like, “Well, if I heard that phrase wearing what I was wearing, then you need to hear that phrase ’cause of what you’re wearing.” And it’s just that unhealed trauma that circulates. It doesn’t have to be generational trauma within your family. megan: It can also be societal generational trauma of hearing it over and over that you internalize it. Gissele: Yeah, definitely. Gissele: can you talk a little bit about how we can start to tap in and really understand what authenticity means, especially for ourselves? [00:05:29] Receiving Authenticity megan: Yeah. You mentioned The Authenticity Amplifier, and that’s the name that I go by in a lot of the work that I do. And it’s not about amplifying authenticity of individuals, because I think we cannot teach someone how to be authentic. What we do, though, is we help organizations and people create environments where the people they interact with can feel free to be their authentic self. megan: So it’s about helping people receive the authenticity of others rather than helping become, helping people become more authentic in themselves. So it’s [00:06:00] about receiving that authenticity, and I think as we look at a society, especially in our current day, it’s so divided and so divisive with how we communicate with one another. megan: It’s if someone has a different opinion or a differing viewpoint, it becomes, “Oh, I’m not going to speak with them,” or, “I’m not going to talk to them,” or, “They’re wrong and I’m right.” And if we really want to amplify authenticity, we have to be willing to listen to people who might have different viewpoints, knowing that we can learn from one another, and that the most honest sign of authenticity is whether people feel comfortable being their true self in your presence Gissele: Yeah. I, yeah, for sure. I completely agree with that. I was wondering if you had ever gone through a journey yourself in finding your way back to authenticity. I know that I have, and I’m happy to talk about my, my journey and just fumbling through trying to be more authentically myself and what that means. [00:06:52] Finding Her Way Back To Authenticity megan: Yeah, and I have to say this, it is a constant journey. There are moments almost on a daily basis that I say, “Ooh, could I [00:07:00] have handled that differently?” So I must say that, yes, I have those stories of realizing when I wasn’t authentic and how I can transition or how I can pivot for the next time. And it’s an ongoing process. megan: I would say probably one of the most poignant times was when I was interviewing for a position, I was recently divorced and pregnant. I was not showing that I was pregnant, but I was pregnant. I knew I was pregnant, and I still… I did not have a wedding ring on because I was divorced. However, I kept my wedding ring in my glove box in my car, and before I would go into interviews, I would go into the glove box, take out the ring, and slip it on my wedding finger. megan: Because I wasn’t ready, I knew that if this position turned into my next position, I would eventually have to tell them that I was pregnant. In my head, I was worried, “Oh, wait, if I’m not married, what are the stories that they’re gonna tell themselves? Like, how are you pregnant and you’re divorced?” All of [00:08:00] those worries of how society would view me were running through my head, and I remember that I would slip on my wedding ring, and I would always feel some kinda way doing that. megan: Am I living a lie? Am I not telling my truth? Am I not being my authentic self? And I knew the answer to that, and there was also something in my head saying, “But I really want this job.” And there was something telling me that if I was authentic, then I wouldn’t have gotten the job. I remember doing that, and then I’d

  4. Aug 22

    Ep. 108 – Can Enemies Live Together? How One Organization Is Creating True Lasting Peace

    TRANSCRIPT Gissele: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. And if you’d like to support the podcast, you can go to buymeacoffee.com/loveandcompassion. Gissele: Today, we’re gonna be talking about true reconciliation. Our guest today is Celestin Gariyunka, who is a humanitarian and development professional with over 15 years experience in organizational leadership, humanitarian programming, refugee protection, access to justice, peace building, research, education, and partnership management. Gissele: He currently serves as executive director of Prison Fellowship Rwanda, providing strategic leadership for programs in justice, rehabilitation and reintegration, refugee protection, MHPS, disability inclusion, mediation, and community development. He holds a master’s in in economics from the [00:01:00] Independent University of Kigali, a bachelor’s degree in mathematics education from the University of Rwanda, and financial management specialization certification from Cornell University, US. Gissele: Celestin joined Prison Fellowship Rwanda in 2020 as a community-based protection officer and field coordinator, and he became head of programs in 2022. Please join me in welcoming Celestin. Hey. Hello. Celestin: Hello. How are you? Gissele: I’m good. I’m so excited to speak to you. I love the reconciliation work that you guys are doing over there, and especially in a world that feels so, so divided. Gissele: Yeah. It’s such an important conversation to have. I was wondering if you could tell the audience a little bit about how y- the organization got started. Celestin: Thank you so much, Gissele. It’s an honor to be here, and we thank you for creating a platform that reminds everyone that love and compassion are not simply beautiful words . But they are powerful [00:02:00] forces that can transform individuals, families, communities, and even countries. Celestin: I’m delighted to share the journey of Prison Fellowship Rwanda and what we have learned about healing, reconciliation, and peace building with more than thirty-two years in Rwanda. Our organization Prison Fellowship Rwanda, to understand it well, I think we need to understand or to remember Rwanda’s history. Celestin: As many of you knows, after the nineteen ninety-four genocide against the Tutsi in Rwanda, our country was left deeply wounded with more than a million people killed in just one hundred days, with m- families that were torn apart and communities were divided. The, the prisons became very much overcrowded, and millions of people carried visible and invisible wounds. Celestin: [00:03:00] So in nineteen ninety-five, one year after the genocide the Prison Fellowship Rwanda was established because we believed rebuilding Rwanda requires more than rebuilding roads and institutions. It requires also rebuilding hearts, relationship, and hope. And our first work as Prison Fellowship Rwanda was to enter into prisons, preach hope, encourage repentancy, pray with inmates, and remind them that although they had committed terrible crimes, they had not lost their human dignity or their potential to change. Celestin: So over time, we learned that spiritual transformation is essential, but also it’s it’s not only one part of the journey. So we established other programs like emotional healing, restorative justice, [00:04:00] restoring relationships between offenders and and victims, practical skills, and even community mediation. Celestin: So from there, our organization has grown from a, a group of of pastors that do prison evangelism to a full operation organization of almost one hundred full-time staff today. And we run many programs, including mental health and psychosocial support legal aid, youth development, livelihood programs, and community reconciliation one of the remarkable activity was what we call Reconciliation Village Program that we started in 2003 where we built houses for genocide f- survivors and genocide perpetrators that that requested forgiveness [00:05:00] and and they were forgiven, and we put their families together in what we call reconciliation villages. Celestin: So that, those are places where genocide survivors and former perpetrators, they voluntarily live together after truth, accountability, after remorse and forgiveness. And now that is the organization we are talking about. Yeah. Thank you so much. Gissele: Yeah. Beautiful. Let’s talk about the work that you do regarding prison reform. Gissele: Can you describe what you do to help prisoners change for the better? Celestin: It’s not easy. Yeah. And what I can say is that Even by the go- the government has changed the name. Here in Rwanda we don’t call prisons, we call correctional facility because- … there is a philosophy that prisons were established in the past with one vision, to punish people. Celestin: But our [00:06:00] orientation today is rehabilitation. So we do this by integrating all programs that that re-restore the human dignity, that restore the relationship, that build the true person that we want, the, the true citizen that we want to be or Celestin: to… we want to make in the future. So when we say prison reform, at Prison Fellowship Rwanda, we believe every person is more than the worst decision they have ever made. We know that justice is important, but people must accept responsibility for the crimes they committed. And accountability at, and transformation can exist together. Celestin: It’s not holding someone accountable of the crimes, but also helping them to be transformed. So our rehabilitation program, it’s holistic. So it begins with evangelism, helping people to rediscover [00:07:00] hope, purpose, to repent, and to re- to restore their moral responsibility. And from there we provide restorative justice. Celestin: We provide trauma healing and mental health support to those inmates. We provide life skills and family restoration, including also education and vocational training. And we also support livelihood programs so that a person undergoing those, all those services of correction services, get a, a holistic rehabilitation, but also be well prepared for integration back to the community. Celestin: So unless those deeper wounds are addressed, changing behavior becomes much more difficult. And that is we, what we say by experience. Unless the inner part of the person that made him to commit [00:08:00] such crimes is changed. So we… You can’t say that this one committed genocide, killed 100 people. Celestin: He was imprisoned 15 or 20 years, but without other programs that can transform him, so he will go out with the same mindset, the same behavior. So our program is to make sure that prisons Or correctional facility are place, are space for transformation, for healing, for life skills, for family restoration, for reintegration, a holistic reintegration program. Celestin: And we often- … said that rehabilitation is not simply preparing someone to leave the correctional facility. It’s preparing someone to return home as a responsible father, as a responsible mother, as a responsible neighbor or citizen, as an element for [00:09:00] peace building, not a troublemaker as as many people think. Gissele: And that’s what I love about your organization because the focus is one of true rehabilitation, right? Gissele: In many ways Rwanda is ahead of its time in terms of not viewing prison as a punishment, but rather as a stepping stone towards transformation, and so I think that’s really essential. Gissele: Yeah. How do you bring victims and perpetrators together in reconciliation in a way that perhaps honors also the fact that the, the victims have been harmed by the perpetrators? Yeah. So how do you bring them in reconciliation- Yeah … in a way that’s safe and supportive for both sides? Celestin: Yeah. I think this is this is the most delicate and perhaps the most inspiring part of our work. Celestin: Reconciliation- … is something that never forced. In Rwanda we had a very terrible experience. Rwanda, we are one community. We have one culture. We speak one language. [00:10:00] But- One circumstance in 1994, one big part of the majority of Rwandans took arms and killed the other part of Rwandans. In 100 days, three months, killed almost… Celestin: Even more because we are still discovering bodies of people killed in the genocide. More than a million people killed in, in, in 100 days. It’s terrible. But after that, we experienced that reconciliation, it doesn’t limit. It doesn’t have limits. Every crime, every situation, reconciliation, you have seen that it is something possible and can be done everywhere. Celestin: So You we have never forced someone to reconcile to another one. We have seen that forgiveness cannot be [00:11:00] demanded. Even trust, building trust cannot be rushed. It’s something that begins with truths, with a process. Through restorative justice programs we put offenders in a place and they learn. Celestin: And offenders acknowledge responsibility without finding excuses and understand the human impact of the harm they caused. That is, it’s Celestin: a long process, but that is the main target, to make sure that the offenders, they are put in a position to understand and acknowledge the responsibility and even the, the human impact they caused. But also we prepare the victims. The victims receive trauma healing, counseling, and psychosocial support before even thinking of any dialogue or meeting with the perpetrators, the offenders. Celestin: So we use several [00:12:00] complementary approach Among them we have what we call social therapy. It’s an approach that we developed that were developed by psychologists that helps small groups to rebuild tru

  5. Aug 10

    Ep. 107 – No More Hiding: Being Authentic and Stopping People Pleasing

    TRANSCRIPT Caroline: [00:00:00] welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. Today we’re talking about people pleasing, and I have Carolyn Jos, who is a PhD in molecular pathophysiology. She’s a researcher with vast experiencein health and wellbeing in autism. But most importantly, she’s a 47-year-old single mom of two teenagers. She’s lived through death, separation, her own son’s autism diagnosis, illness, burnout, career dreams collapsing, financial insecurity, and the feeling of being a stranger everywhere she goes. And yet people describe her as easygoing, fun to be around, always smiling, strong, and hardworking. From her own words, she says that most of her life she tried to please everyone, her husband, her parents, her employers, her colleagues, her friends, because she thought that she was a natural pleaser. [00:01:00] She said yes to everything, believing that it was helping. Underneath, she had a deep need for love, safety, and belonging. Please join me in welcoming Carolyn. Hi, Caroline: Hi, Gissele. Thank you. Thank you for inviting me Gissele: Yeah, for sure. I, when I heard your story, I really wanted to talk to you ’cause there were elements of the story that I really resonated with. I wanted to start by asking you, where do you think you learned that people-pleasing was the way to get more attention and love? Caroline: That’s a good question . It’s hard to tell. I guess it was when I was pretty young. I have an older sister, she’s three years older than me, and she had some mental issues pretty early on, and it was tough for my parents, and my parents had rough times at that point too because they weren’t employed and they were struggling financially. Caroline: So I used to hide , I used to be the one that for each of my parents would have no concerns. I was doing good at school, I was pretty easygoing [00:02:00] and I, yeah, I had no trouble at all. So I started k- I make myself a bit small and say yes to anything because I didn’t want to add to their burden already. Gissele: So I guess that’s when it started, Yeah, and that’s often very common, right? With children when there’s one sibling that is suffering, the other one usually doesn’t want to add on to the suffering and, but also at the same time then is saying, “My needs are not as important as other siblings’ needs,” right? Which we internalize that messaging. Gissele: We do internalize it because you don’t even realize it that you have some unmet needs. You just, you think that’s, it’s what you get, and you don’t think about it really Gissele: Yeah, and you tend to derive value from taking care of other people’s needs, in particular your parents, right? Especially if you know that they are not coping well. But that’s not really the role of a child. Caroline: Shouldn’t be. Gissele: Have the emotional girth, yeah to take care of your parents’ needs when you’re just learning how to take care of your own needs, right? Gissele: And so I think [00:03:00] that’s where difficulties arise. I wanted to Gissele: read something that you had said to me, which is “No matter how hard I worked, I was never given the same opportunity as those who challenged, complained, or behaved poorly. I watch many of them climb the ladder effortlessly with resumes far thinner than mine, keep devoted partners while being constantly oppositional, or act like divas and still be rewarded. Kindness does not pay off.” And I think many people feel this way, that they feel that they give and give, and that when people are difficult, they’re more likely to attain. What do you think contributed to your perspective that was, that kindness doesn’t pay off? Caroline: what comes to mind now is my career because I am in a transition and I did so I started late my studies, like at 18 years old. At 17, I left my parents’ house and started to what I wanted to do, cinema. So I went to a cinema school, and then I changed to something else, and then eventually I’ve [00:04:00] worked like for five years just like a bartender or in nightclubs or in restaurants. Caroline: And when I wanted to go back to studies, because it was always in the back of my mind I had to go actually in Quebec because in France you can’t really stop and go back. If you can do that, it’s not in, in science at all. So I went in Quebec to start my studies and and I did pretty well considering I didn’t have any background in science before. Caroline: And then I was performing even better, got a master, PhD. My PhD were highly productive, like more, way more than average. But then I got pregnant, and so I had to make a pause and those little pause like that, plus the weird background, that was not what you’re supposed to do when you want to be a, like a, to have a faculty position. Caroline: It was always something that was too heavy on my resume, more than [00:05:00] all the publication and how I had, or the awards or things like that. So it felt like it, a bit unfair, because as I was trying to build a family, it’s it seems that it’s hard to make a family and actually have a, a nice career. Caroline: So I was seeing everyone continuing on their journey, continuing to fill their resume while I was with my sons first and daughter after, taking care of them. And it’s it’s frustrating, and I’ve seen a lot after that, a lot of other PhDs that actually had some positions but with nothing in their CVs. Caroline: But they were the, the student’s of the lab researcher. And so there, there was so many events like that, that I was like… and I was struggling to find a job. I never found a job that would actually fit my curriculum, my, my studies. It was always to take something below what I am able to do. Caroline: Yeah, that’s, that was hard. And in terms of relationships I think it’s the same pattern [00:06:00] pretty much to see I struggle. I left my husband when I arrived in, in Mountain for many different issues. We were very good friends. It’s not it’s not a between, It’s just different personalities, but it’s not that he was awful or nothing. Caroline: It’s just I needed a time off, but so I… And I never really found anyone so far. But I’ve seen a lot of couples that they cannot. It looks like they hate each other, but they stay together, and no, they don’t hate each other. They actually love each other, which is beautiful. Caroline: But they… I, sometimes I don’t know how he or she is doing that. How can you hold that? As everybody’s, they are always fighting or… But it’s still love. It’s just a different way of communicating it, Gissele: So I wanted to talk about what you had mentioned about the gap in the resumes because it’s so real. It’s almost like you’re punished for taking a break from your Gissele: career. There are some people that can’t, that don’t take breaks between their career, but if you’re a mother that, that can be [00:07:00] difficult. If you’re out of the system for a while, like for example, if you tried self-employment and then you’re coming back into employment, it’s hard to justify the tran- it’s almost like you have to justify the transition. You might just want something different. You wanted to try something else, and then you’re decided to come back into the workplace. But I don’t know if it’s that we believe that it’s a negative thing and therefore that’s the experience, but I know exactly what you’re Gissele: talking about in terms of gaps in terms of the resume. And the other thing I wanted to mention was, longevity isn’t necessarily a mark of a good relationship. Just because you’re in a relationship a long time doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a good relationship. I think relationships are changing as the, as we’re realizing more and more, as we become more authentically ourselves, as we realize more and more what we wanted, I think our- the perspective on marriage is changing. Gissele: Think about it. Like I got married when I was 27, right? And so the 27 me is very different than the Gissele: [00:08:00] me that is here now, right? And so we don’t make decisions for for the rest of your life, so you constantly, you and your partner have to constantly keep Gissele: working on it. You have to be changing. Gissele: You have to be keep, making the same commitment, making the same choice, right? To s- to stick together, to grow together because you’re not the same person that you were when you were 27. And so the whole belief that if it didn’t last long, it didn’t work isn’t necessarily true. It’s just people change and they grow, and so I think people are starting to understand that marriage is a constant commitment, and the reasons we marry are different than they used to be Gissele: as Caroline: That’s true Gissele: Because we used to marry for, economic security, and especially women. And now women have way more options, which is why you’re seeing a big decline in marriage, right? I wa- I also wanted to go back to, so you survived a rare aggressive type of cancer and it [00:09:00] was like a harbinger. Gissele: It was like a ringing bell to let you know that- You were living a life that wasn’t meant to be yours. And so you decided that there was no more forced compliance, no more accepting less than I deserved. And so you began to align your actions with your core values, which meant saying no. For a, surviving or overcoming people pleaser, how was the process of saying no? What was it like in the beginning, and what are some of the things you found as you started to say no? Caroline: And I actually am realizing that maybe I started to say no when I got separated from my husband just a few years before that. S- say no,

  6. Jul 29

    Ep. 106 – Can Self Compassion Help Us Create A Better World?

    TRANSCRIPT [00:00:00] Gissele : Hello, and welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content,today we’re talking about peace and love with Barbara With. She is an international peace activist, award-winning author, publisher, psychic channel, and composer and performer, and co-founder of Conflict Revolution: World Peace One Person at a Time, Starting with Self. Love: A Revolutionary Way to Resolve Conflicts of the Psyche as a Pathway to World Peace based on her work channeling the angels and Albert Einstein. She has authored six nonfiction books on metaphysics, including Imagining Einstein: Essays on M-Theory, World Peace, and the Science of Compassion. Barbara teaches and trains conflict revolution in the classroom and on Zoom, and is currently on a world peace tour, [00:01:00] calling out for the participation of the willing for a worldwide nonviolent action to end the age of war, starting with the self. Please join me in welcoming Barbara. Hi, Barbara. Barbara With: Oh, hi. Thank you so much for having me. Good to see you again Gissele : Thank you so much for being on the show. It’s such an important time talking about conflict and talking about division and peace. I was wondering if you could get started by telling the audience how you actually came to do this work. Barbara With: In a nutshell, I started out actually on a path of music. I started writing music when I was 12, and I went out on the road and rock and roll when I was 17 for 20 years, and that was really my focus. But alongside, these things kept happening. For example, I had a friend whose mother was a channel, and this is back in 1970, so we didn’t call her a channel, but he said, “Come and see what my mom does.” Barbara With: And so she said that she was an [00:02:00] antenna, Barbara With: She would light a candle. She had this beautiful picture of Jesus, and she didn’t remember anything she said. And while some of it was predictive so much of it, looking back now, I was, I would say is about self-love. How to love myself. I came from a very traumatized background and, so I saw her for probably 10 years, and when I auto- I was automatic writing spontaneously one day, writing a letter to my friend, telling her how bad it was that she made judgments. And suddenly this beautiful information was coming through my hands that I had not anticipated to say, and because I have my work with Unis, I knew what it was, but I was still very surprised. Barbara With: And when I asked, “Who are you?” They said, “You can… We are sound So because I had been [00:03:00] working with music for so long, I thought, “Great sound.” And that’s how I became a channel. In 1993 , I wanted to do groups and see what this voice of this antenna had to say to groups of people. And long story short two women in particular were sent to me by God, Theresa and Kim, and they came for readings, and they were like no one I had ever read for. Barbara With: They were very, “What does this mean? And what does this mean? And what does this mean?” And they’d follow me around to my gigs, and finally it was like, “Here’s the group.” So we started organizing groups in our living room. We’d tape them and transcribe them. And when they asked, “Who are you?” The answer was, “You can call us angels.” Barbara With: And these angels said they had this theory, if humans would resolve conflict in this way that they were theorizing, the byproduct would be world peace. Barbara With: And of course, with world peace, [00:04:00] it’s the radiation out of inner peace, family peace, community peace onto world peace. And they needed some humans to test their theory on actual conflict. Barbara With: And apparently Theresa and Kim and I, w- we dubbed ourselves the Psychic Sorority were the ones. And sure enough, with our first conflict, we were scrambling around for a while in the old way, and I said wait a minute. Let’s get the transcript.” And we read it, and the line was, “If you’re involved emotionally in a conflict, the root of your part is within you.” Barbara With: And that was the very germination seed of what then became Conflict Revolution. Because in that moment of us sitting at the table and me telling Kim and Kim telling me, and we kinda stopped and went, “Wow that’s revolutionary.” And so I was able to come back to the table and say wait a minute. Barbara With: Here’s what I can do better.” And Kim was able to do that. And because of that [00:05:00] slight shift, it was huge, but it was, y- we’re not talking about peace talks in Iran or whatever. We each experienced such a monumental change in how the world was relating to us. I went to work that night, and there was a waitress who had never liked me and suddenly couldn’t get enough of me, which made me rather suspect. Barbara With: But I thought, “This is what they’re talking about. If we do this inner work, we don’t have to go at the conflict at the level it’s being created. It will naturally change.” And our first book, Diaries of a Psychic Sorority, Barbara With: Led us to a literary agent who called me one day and said there was a tabloid in London looking for an interview with Princess Di on the one-year anniversary of her death. Barbara With: And again, my ske- skepticism kicked in, and I thought, I just was learning that I could speak to people who had passed on, but they would come to [00:06:00] me.” But I thought, “Let’s see what it says,” so I channeled it typing, and it was so profound. It was just so beautiful. And her message was, if everyone who put flowers in front of the palace would do this, we’d have world peace in a day. Barbara With: So that was how I got… Now, the tabloid didn’t want it, but my agent and I wrote a list of other famous dead people thinking, “Are there other people who wanna talk from afterlife?” And when we got to John F. Kennedy, he said, “This isn’t your idea. We are a group of souls who’ve come together in afterlife to help you with world peace, and we’ll tell you who’s coming next.” Barbara With: And in that list, we didn’t even have Albert Einstein. Shame on us. they had to take control of things. And when I channeled him, I spoke, and it was the voice of all my channeling, Barbara With: And it was the voice of sound. And it took me about three years to acclimate to this, and ac- [00:07:00] actually took me many years to finally acclimate to it. Barbara With: But I published Party of 12: The Afterlife Interviews in 2001. And in 2005, it was the 100-year anniversary of E=MC squared, and I thought, “Let’s do a little book for Albert, and let’s see what he has to say.” And that became the cornerstone of the deeper work as he delivered a unified field theory with a scientific definition of compassion, we say with a capital C, not the small C, as the fifth fundamental force of the universe, the creative intelligence that uses the other four fundamental forces to impel the creation of matter one step at a time. Barbara With: So compassion became not just what your blog beautifully covers with people who are looking how to live more in a loving state, how to forgive. It became a [00:08:00] cornerstone, a kind of a God force of this entire model of this unified field theory. And I, at the time, I just thought it was so brilliant, and it convinced me a little more that it was Einstein ’cause I could never think this stuff up. Barbara With: But that was the book that really got me invited around the world to teach and train. Gissele : That’s so beautiful. It’s not surprising that you are doing this work because it, starting from music, ’cause music It’s such a unifying force, right? It’s such a way that, people can relate to one another across languages a- across countries, and so it’s, it makes sense. W- what was the reception when you started channeling? What was people’s reaction to the channeling itself? ‘Cause it’s not a traditionally accepted methodology, right? But I also know many people that channel as well, and the messaging that comes across is so beautiful and authentic. But I think some people have doubts around it. Gissele : So what was the feedback you might have received when you first started [00:09:00] channeling? Barbara With: I lived in a world of musicians, so it wasn’t, I didn’t live in a corporate world or a that world, and so there was a little more acceptance and flexibility to it. But my attitude has always been, and still remains, that at the root of everything is a mystery. It’s a mystery. We do not know. So I’m not gonna come here to try to convince you this is Albert Einstein. Barbara With: My whole thing was, you tell me what it is then. Barbara With: Come and have a reading, and then you tell me what it is, because I’m not really sure, but it sure is beautiful Gissele : Yeah, and the– and to be honest, the messaging is really the fundamental. If you take something out of the messaging, it really doesn’t matter who it’s from, right? the messaging you’re sharing about peace and world and compassion are things we need in this moment, whether it comes from Barbara or whether it comes from somebody as well known as Einstein. Gissele : And Barbara With: and when the girls asked, “Who are you?” And they said, “Angels,” my skeptic again kicked in “Angels? What is [00:10:00] this, angels?” And we decided just that, that we’re gonna judge it by the fruits and the fruits were so profound that we couldn’t deny Gissele : Yeah. Yeah. Can you tell me a little bit more about the, the compassion with the C? Like, how is it defined in, How does it really fit within the whole concept of peace? Barbara With: His definition of compassion w

  7. Jul 22

    Ep. 105 – Want More Peace In The World? Try Unconditional Love

    TRANSCRIPT Gissele: [00:00:00] Hello, and welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content. Today, we’re talking about unconditional love in relationships, and my guest today is Adam Guzman-Puell. Gissele: who’s a holistic relationship counselor, coach, and existential therapist, and the author of the Amazon bestseller, Lessons on Love. Gissele: He draws on 20 years of apprenticeship in spiritual traditions from around the globe, including indigenous elders, Buddhist teachings, and yogic philosophy, integrating their wisdom with modern psychology to help couples and individuals build conscious, meaningful relationships rooted in the sacred. When he’s not working with clients, you’ll likely find him having fun with his son, Gissele: Arjuna and his wife, Adrienne, mentoring a young person or volunteering at a local permaculture garden in Bali, where he lives for the majority of the year. [00:01:00] Please join me in welcoming Adam. Hi, Adam. Adam: Hi, great to see you, Gissele. Pleasure to be here. Gissele: Oh, good to see you too. Thank you so much for being on the show. I’m so excited for our conversation, talking about, relationships and how challenging and also amazing and beautiful they can be, especially trying to unconditionally love people. Gissele: I was wondering if you could start by telling the audience a little bit about how you got started in this work. Adam: So gosh where to begin? I guess the journey of love is a, a journey of a lifetime. I think we all know that, right? But it’s, Adam: For me, one of the, opening doors, the big opening doors of, finding love started actually in my childhood, and we’re talking about unconditional love, right? Adam: This love and, I grew up with a little bit of a, a rough childhood. I was a little bit of a, a crazy teen, a little wild. Lots of some problems with the law and problems with drugs, alcohol. [00:02:00] And when I was 16, I was blessed to find the loving presence of an indigenous elder over on Algonquin territory in Ottawa, Canada. Adam: And she was a beautiful woman, and she had this power of just, one of the greatest gifts of love is being able to see somebody. To see past, who, the, the mud and the conditioning, and seeing through to the heart. So she saw past what society may have looked at “Oh, here’s this messed up kid who’s like this and like that,” and she saw me at my core, right? Adam: And so that was like, that allowed me to step into who I truly was, and that started the 20-year apprenticeship with, different indigenous elders, teachers through the p- process of meditation. And that was like the beginning of the opening of love and that’s… Yeah, that, that was the beginning of that part and, there’s other chapters and I’m sure we’ll get to those, but oh, yeah. Gissele: Yeah. [00:03:00] I love that story. And I also wanna point out how key what you just said is unconditional love is the ability to see people as their true essence, and from my perspective is the divine within them. And so if we could truly love people, we can see them beyond their flaws, beyond what they’re portraying, beyond that, the hurt behaviors. But it’s … it can feel difficult to do that when we ourselves probably don’t see ourselves that way. Gissele: Can you tell me a little bit about what you’ve learned from what are the, the core teachings from all of these different traditions about the importance of self-love in loving other people? Adam: Yeah. The importance of self-love is really… i’m gonna draw from the Gita now, and then I’m gonna weave it into the different Buddhist and indigenous teachings. But in the Gita, in the Bhagavad Gita they talk about the Self with a capital S- Self, right? It’s that [00:04:00] divine. Adam: You talked about the divine within us So when we really tap into that divine within ourselves, like who we actually are, you and me, we are souls. We are beautiful, we are whole, we are complete, and that is us in our essence. So the more that we connect with that essence within us that true essence of us, we are love itself, right? Adam: So the more that we are able to connect with that through different practices, whether it be meditation, whether it be through service, whether it be through just the simple act of taking care of yourself ’cause your body’s a temple, right? So those things help you get in touch with your essence, and then you’re more able to give that to the world around you, right? Adam: You– We all know that, we can’t give from an empty cup. So Adam: tap into the divine within us, and then we’re able to reflect the divine into other people. I just wanna tell just a fun, fun story that just happened to me yesterday evening, [00:05:00] and it wa- it’s a perfect example of what happens when we look at people in the divine. Adam: So the other day I w- I had to go get water. So in Bali, we have to get like liters of wa-water. We can’t actually like 20 liters at a time ’cause you can’t drink the drinking water here. So I went to go get water at the store, at the convenience store there, and at the convenience store, there’s a lot of builders around the area, and there, so there was this character that kind of looked a little shady. Adam: Like you could look, see, he looked a little shady and, of course, like my automatic schemata comes up that we’re programmed through from, and then there’s quick automatic judgments that I’m, that I made. And so that’s my little self looking at these, this scenario, looking at that, and then I bypass that with my conscious self, with my divine self, and it’s “This is a divine being here that’s looking at…” Adam: And I consciously said that in my head, and then I saw him at that. And amazingly, immediately when I did that, the man [00:06:00] got up and helped me pick up my water and then put it on my motorbike to drive away. It was like how my thoughts really truly influenced the situation around us. And there’s a lot of research in heart math, like how your, your heart actually puts out a frequency into the field and affects the vibration of other people’s hearts, and the same is true with our thoughts. Adam: That’s just a little quick story that I just thought about the that Gissele: Yeah, fantastic. Adam: Yeah Gissele: It actually reminded me of my own experience. So I was once at a Starbucks in downtown Toronto, ’cause I’m Canada, and I remember coming in and it was super busy. And so I’m doing the lineup, and I gotta get back to my meeting, and then somebody comes in, and the energy just feels off. Gissele: It just feels I don’t know. I felt like I just need to run away, but there are so many people and everything was blocked, and I thought, “Okay, so I can’t run away right now. It’s gonna look weird, and it’s blocked, so what can I do?” And the only thing that I could think to do in that moment is to [00:07:00] align to the essence of love, which meant, for me, just sending out loving thoughts to that being, to that person, and to the people all around. And I did not expect this. This was so weird. So the person then looked right at me, and they kinda had a weird expression, and they said, “I can’t be here.” And then they just left. Gissele: And some people kinda had a weird expression. The majority of people didn’t even notice. And that, to me, was the beginning of me understanding the transformative power of Gissele: love, just being able to see to hold the essence of love, in- including for that person. Gissele: I didn’t know what, what was up with them, but I just knew that I… if I held that energy for them, that maybe it could help ’cause I didn’t know what else to do. I didn’t… Not expecting anything to happen, but it was really interesting to see that [00:08:00] immediate reaction to that energy that I was putting out there because I… Gissele: There was… That little s- little me was like, “Oh, I can’t just bolt out of here. It’d look weird,” right? So expecting that judgment. But, so thank you for sharing that story, Gissele: ’cause it, it reminded me. The other thing that really stuck out to me is just how often we do th- things from the little self. Gissele: I… Gissele: you’re right, and especially me as a woman, the way I was trained not to trust anyone, because of our family history of abuse. And so my little self always constantly goes first to, Danger. Danger. Who’s the th- what’s the potential danger?” But it takes practice, Gissele: and that’s what you were trying to say. Gissele: It takes real practice for us to see it and to bypass. Can you share a little bit about your journey to getting to that bypass? ‘Cause I can’t… I can only imagine that it must not have been just immediately. You don’t… Unless maybe that happened to you, that you became automatically enlightened. Gissele: But it’s been a minute for Gissele: me in terms of the journey of having to really shift from that little S. Adam: Yeah, I think, everyone [00:09:00] it is that takes time, and even if it just happens in an instant, if you believe in past lives, they’ve done the work before. Gissele: Yeah, Adam: right? Adam: Yeah. So for me yeah, it’s been, it’s similar. It’s been a long journey and I did many different practices for years of just it’s like I think, I did meditation different Vipassana meditation for years, different yogic meditations for years. Adam: Studying with indigenous ceremonies for years and like really apprenticing on the land. I’m not just like talking about a weekend retreat. It’s like literally in, in it. And how I look at it is like we’re polishing a diamond, right? There is it’s when you get a, a diamond

  8. Jul 15

    Ep. 104 – How helping others can help us become happy when we are struggling

    TRANSCRIPT Gissele : [00:00:00] welcome to the Love and Compassion Podcast with Gissele. We believe that love and compassion have the power to heal our lives and our world. Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more amazing content, and if you’d like to support the podcast, you can buymeacoffee.com/loveandcompassion. Today, we’re gonna be talking about finding happiness even in the most difficult moments. Gissele : Our guest today is Karen Olson, who is the founder of Family Promise, a national non-profit organization that helps homeless and low-income families. Today, the organization boasts more than 200 affiliates across the US, with more than 180,000 men, women, and children served each year. In her book Meant for More, Karen tells her story from tragedy in childhood to an adulthood full of compassion and service, which has made her stronger, healthier, and more fulfilled than ever before. Gissele : Many people seek happiness through acquiring material goods or achieving status, only to find a lack of fulfillment. With first-hand [00:01:00] testimonials from Karen and other volunteers, Meant for More is a call to action. When you reach out beyond yourself and seek to make a difference in the lives of others , happiness will catch up with you. Gissele : Please join me in welcoming Karen Olson. Hi, Karen. Karen: Gissele, thank you s- so much. I’m happy to be here. I’ve got a little cough today, so I have to clear my throat. Gissele : Thank you so much for being on the show. I was wondering if you could start by telling the audience a little bit about your childhood and how that led you to to choose a life of service. Karen: My childhood before I was 12 was very happy. Playing outside, going to the beach in the summer, swimming in Long Island Sound, and in the winter, skating on the pond on our street. And I just was happy-go-lucky, giggling and laughing all the time, having so much fun. I didn’t recognize that it was so happy until one day it [00:02:00] wasn’t. Karen: When I was 12, I experienced a very tragic and sudden loss. My mother committed suicide when I was just 12. She had been depressed, and she was seeing a doctor, and her marriage to my father wasn’t good, and but we had no idea she would commit suicide, but she did. And since I was so close to her and my dad was an alcoholic I just, it left a hole in my heart when she died. Karen: But that hole drove me to help others, ’cause I knew what hurt was, and I didn’t want anyone else to hurt. So I did various things. I volunteered at the ho- local hospital as a candy striper. I delivered flowers to people. And I played tennis with a man, young man across the street whose girlfriend left him, and he had cancer, [00:03:00] and he didn’t have long to live. Karen: But it just seemed natural to me to wanna reach out to others, something I was not aware of before I had lost my mother. But the loss of my mother encouraged me to reach out to others, and I think it’s that drive, that passion that drove me on to create Family Promise and help so many people Gissele : Now how did you specifically choose to help that population, the homelessness population, instead of like maybe some other organization? Gissele : Like why homelessness in particular? Karen: I started out giving sandwiches to people in New York City at Port Authority Bus Terminal. And actually, what led me there was I was on my way to a meeting in New York City. I was a consumer promotions manager. And I was about to pass [00:04:00] this woman who I had seen before. She was elderly. She sat on a crate outside of Grand Central Station, and she always looked down, like she was very depressed. Karen: And on this particular day, I decided I just couldn’t walk by her without offering something. So I ran across the street and got her a ham and cheese sandwich and an orange juice. And when I came back, she said, “Thank you. God bless you. Haven’t eaten anything since yesterday.” And with that, she took my hand in hers, and a connection was made. Karen: And from there, I began going into Port Authority Bus Terminal every other Sunday with my sons to give sandwiches, and we got to know people, like Lucille and Ar- Karen: Just as a way of lifting, lifting their spirits, and it certainly did. [00:05:00] But then I became curious about homeless people. In New Jersey, I had heard there were homeless people, but I didn’t see any. The thing about that is you don’t see homeless families. They try to stay out of sight. But I began volunteering in the city of Elizabeth at the Salvation Army in the soup kitchen, and there I met families who were working but homeless, and I thought, “How can that be? Karen: Does the religious community know?” Karen: After I met Millie, I told my two sons, were then 10 and 12, about Millie. And they said to me, “Mom, let’s go into the New York City and bring more sandwiches to people like Millie.” They had the open hearts of children. Yeah. They just wanted to do it. So we made 25 sandwiches and brought them in to Port Authority Bus Terminal, and [00:06:00] gave them to people who were sitting on the benches. Karen: And this was on a Sunday night. Essentially anybody sitting on a bench in the upper floor of Port Authority Bus Terminal was not waiting for their bus. They were simply homeless. And we got to meet people like Abe and Arthur. Arthur w- was a World War II veteran. Karen: When he opened his jacket, he had medals with- pinned inside his jacket, and he would tell war stories to my two sons, and he was like a grandfather figure, and then we met people like Lucille. On the good days, she would say, she was a first-grade teacher, and she’d say to my son, “Doug,” d- study hard. Karen: You don’t wanna end up like me in Port Authority Bus Terminal.” And on other days, when maybe she [00:07:00] was off her medication, I don’t know, but we were the CIA or the FBI, and she screamed at the top of her lungs, so the nicest thing we could do was just, just, leave her alone. That started my outreach to homeless people, and and I also invited them to my house for Thanksgiving dinner. Karen: Now the only thing about that is I, I– Three weeks before, I would go in and give them bus tickets in a little envelope with the invitation to come for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn’t think anything about it at the time, but my friend reminded me, Karen, you admit that you’re not a very good cook, and you’ve never cooked a Thanksgiving dinner.” Karen: But I don’t think about those things. I just kinda g- lead with my heart. And so we had eight people who were homeless [00:08:00] come to my house for Thanksgiving dinner: Arthur, Abe, Lucille, and John, and others. And it was just one of the nicest Thanksgiving dinner e- ever, because everybody talked about Thanksgivings past, and Karen: they were very appreciative of the dinner, and Gissele : I was just gonna comment on the fact that, most people would ignore people that are suffering. Most people would just pass by, not even notice. And one of the things that I think is beautiful about your story is that you’re willing you had been willing to notice the suffering of the woman who was there and was hungry. Gissele : You notice the suffering of the veteran, who we obviously have forgotten about because as a society, why aren’t we taking care of our veterans who’d fought for us? And also more importantly, you said something that is happening right now, which is many people are working, and they’re still not able to make ends meet, and they’re [00:09:00] experiencing an invisible suffering. Karen: Yes, an invisible suffering. That’s so true. Gissele : And to notice someone suffering. Sorry. Gissele : To notice someone suffering and to be willing to extend a hand because most people would not have invited them to, to their house. I probably would be one of those people that would be, like, afraid, who would be like, what if they steal something or what if something happens? What helped you get over that fear? Gissele : Or did you even not think about it? Did you just do it because you thought it was the right thing to do? I know that I have been very fear-based in the past, and that really has closed my heart and prevented me from being as truly compassionate as I want to be. Karen: It’s interesting. Karen: I, I saw you tear up at the thought of people suffering and no one reaching out. I reached that point of tearing up, but it drives me to just do something and not really think about it much. I have to say that I have very good instincts because- … Karen: I’m not gonna bring my children near people who are wild [00:10:00] or, you know- Yeah Karen: not on their medication or whatever. I know how to stay away from danger. But when I get to that point of sensing this deep injustice that, how can we allow so many people to lie on the streets, some without, y- enough clothing, hurting in bad weather how can we allow that to happen? Karen: That catapults me to try to do something. It’s like a reflex action. So- Yeah, that’s what drove me to start reaching out to people in New York City. And then from there, I wanted to find out what’s happening in my own community in New Jersey, and that’s when I began volunteering at a soup kitchen and a shelter, and that’s where I met families. Karen: And many of these families were working. The shelter was [00:11:00] full which it usually was. Not enough not enough beds for all that are needed. It’s hard because the minimum wage hasn’t been raised since 2009. It’s still at $7.25 per hour. Karen: state of the housing in the United States is that you can’t afford an a fair market two-bedroom rental with the wage you make. Most renting families below the poverty line now spend at least fifty percent of their income on housing. Karen: So along comes a car repair or something that needs to

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Love and Compassion Podcast-Where Gissele talks with everyday exceptional people who have overcome adversities and have wisdom to share.

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