Faith and Family

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Discover the ins and outs of Family life and find out how God wants your household to be.

Episodes

  1. 12/14/2023

    Teaching Kids To Pray

    Teaching Kids To Pray   Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome to Faith and Family. We are a Christian family community that aims to provide Christian advice and promote Christian values. Today, we’re talking about fully-packed, pint-sized prayers. What are we teaching our kids when it comes to the content, opportunities, and benefits of prayer? How are we teaching them to be confident communicators with God? And why is being prayerful so important for the future of not only our kids, but the future of the Church Of Christ? With me today is Stephanie Canete from East Jacksonville, [Florida] and Robert Tapales from St. Petersburg, [Florida]. Hello! How are you guys?   Stephanie Canete: Hey, how are you, Mariel?   Robert Tapales: Oh, we’re doing great, Mar.   Mariel: Doing well! Tell us about your kids.   Robert: Okay, this is Robert. I’ll go ahead and get started. My wife and I have two children. We’ve got an older child, who’s our son. He’s 19 years old, in college. And we also have a daughter, who is 11-going-on-what-seems-to-be-30. But typical preteen angst and everything else that goes along with it in middle school.   Mariel: Mmm.    Stephanie: We actually know Robert’s family very well. We’ve been together in our congregation and working on many projects. We’re close. And he’s actually in the same congregation where my parents are in right now—the grandparents of my children. We just love to visit them and I love his children. So, he gave you some basic information there.   Mariel: Oh!   Robert: She knows more than I do, probably.    Mariel: Well, share with us! Share with us! I didn’t grow up with you guys so I want some of that! For me, I’ve got two kids. I have a son who is six years old and my daughter is nine. And I mean, like you said, Robert, man…she is nine-going-on, maybe like, 99. She’s super mature for her age, super-serious kid.   So anyway, just to get to it, we’re talking about prayer today, and as I was doing my research for our podcast before I came in here to talk to you guys. I found out that here in the United States, prayer isn’t something that’s, I would say, embraced nationally, right? Maybe it depends on where you are, geographically. Maybe it’s different, depending on what state you are in; what city you are in. But since the Supreme Court said no more prayers in school in 1963, a lot of Christian sects out there blame this decision for the current “anything goes” atmosphere that’s prevalent in the world, including [an] increase in teen pregnancies, divorce rates, and single-parent families. But for us, for members of the Church Of Christ, we try our best not to be part of those statistics, right? So, how are we passing down this virtue to our kids?    Robert: Prayer is incorporated into the daily lives and daily processes of our kids, and it’s more [than] about just asking for things. It’s about gratitude, I think, more than anything else. You want to start by teaching them that, you know, you don’t only close your eyes and start praying, simply because, “I need to do well in school tomorrow,” or, “Because I really, really want that bike that I’ve been waiting for for years,” or, “I have a problem.” It’s understanding that God is the source of everything that we have.   Mariel: Yes, absolutely.  How to talk to God Stephanie: Prayer is so profound, so important, so fundamental to a life of a servant of God. And once you start a family, you take on a spouse, you’re already learning how to pray together. You wake up and both those eyes flip open and it’s like, “I’m breathing. My heart is beating.” Isn’t that a beautiful thing? And it’s so fun because those are the things that you can do with little children. A child could really get a heartbeat. You could take your hand and, “Feel mommy’s heartbeat. Put it right there on my chest.” And likewise, where you take their ear and you turn it to the chest and you just listen, and they get fascinated, like, “Wow! There’s a bu-bump-bu-bump, a thump-a-thump going on there.” And then you say, “Yeah, you know who makes that beat? You know who gives us that?” You tell them, “God.” And they learn about who He is and His nature.    And then, they learn more every time we pray and we talk—because that’s what prayer is—talking to God. So, with little kids, [tell them,] “Open your eyes, close your eyes. Open your eyes, close your eyes. And who lets us see these things? Who gave you that gift of sight? And who gives us all of these wonderful things to look at?” And so, just pointing Him out, and then pointing out that it’s just not going to be there—that we have to take the time to talk to Him and to pray, and to be grateful for all these things.    Mariel: Okay, so I guess it starts with the attitude of gratitude, right? In which we are constantly pointing out how God is providing for us, what He’s doing for us, and the things that we shouldn’t take for granted. Like you said, basic things like opening your eyes. You know what? Some people can’t even see. Right? And we can. You guys ever have that—when you get the sniffles and you just think about all the times where you took for granted just breathing properly?    Robert: Yeah, yes.   Stephanie: Yes!   Robert: When allergy season kicks in, absolutely.   Mariel: Exactly! Okay, so that’s awesome. Check, I’m going to put that down on my list. What’s next though? What else do our kids need to know? What about maybe the accessibility of God?   Stephanie: Oh my goodness, so your child now knows, “I can talk to God,” and “God gave me everything I have and He intends for me good things.” So, with that level of understanding, or that awareness that you have so many blessings already, they realize, “He’s good and He is good to me.” And then, they also learn that God has expectations. That’s when we’re kind of afraid to talk to God—when we didn’t meet an expectation.   Mariel: Ah, yeah.   Stephanie: Yeah, right? And so, they know, “When I did something wrong,” or a child will use the word “bad,” and if they start attending the worship service for the children, they’ll hear the Bible’s term, which is “sin.” That’s when you teach them how forgiving and kind God is and that He can and He wants to forgive you. And that’s the beauty—because it works for you as a mom and a dad—it works for us. Because otherwise, they just continue to do that wrong over and over and over and over again. And then, “Well, God wants you to be better and this is His commandment. And when you said to God, ‘Please forgive me,’ how many times is He going to forgive you if you keep doing it?” And so, they [say,] “Ohh.” And then they realize, “So, I can call on Him when I’m happy, and I can call on Him when I have feelings like shame, or feelings like sorrow or sadness. I can call on Him when I’m just grateful. And I can call on Him when I need something.”    So, you start to help them realize that He is accessible all the time. Mommy goes to sleep, but God doesn’t. He is there for you. Mommy and daddy—we’re away. And some kids now, they’ve got cell phones, right? But it’s got to stay in a pocket or in a backpack. And your teacher is going to give you a hard time if you request to pick up the cell phone because you have a concern. But you can easily bow your head and approach God and call on Him.  Be closer to God Mariel: I love that you mentioned, Annie, that you can teach your kids to go to God, even when they’re feeling ashamed, right? Because I feel like that’s what really strengthens a bond, I feel. Like, the act of forgiveness—the act of acceptance—of unconditional acceptance. That’s very much what a parent would do, right, for their child? “Yes, you’ve spilled this milk everywhere and I’m so tired and I’ll clean it up, but I forgive you.” You know, that sort of thing? And your kids actually take note of that.   Robert: I think that’s the first introduction into understanding what unconditional love really means—that no matter what you do, even though you’ve sinned, you’ve told a fib, you’ve told a lie to your mommy or daddy, you’ve done something wrong, you punched your brother in the nose, cause you’re really upset, you know? But you know that if you’re really sincere about it in your prayer, that God still loves you and He still accepts you. The evidence of that is that you’re able to still call on Him and have your prayers answered. So, learning that early, I think, is a huge step too, knowing that love isn’t limited by us just making mistakes.  Teaching children the value of prayer Mariel: So, you mentioned that love and having our prayers answered—and we’ve all experienced the various answers of prayers—it’s yes, no, maybe, and silence. Right? And I understand that some of these notions are probably going to be really hard to grasp, especially the “silence” one. So, how do we teach our kids about that part?    Stephanie: How do we teach them to find God or to know that He’s there, answering when they just need stuff that is so tactile? They need concrete evidence, right? “I prayed for a bike. Where is it?”   Robert: Yeah, “It’s still sitting on the shelf at the store. Why is it not in my garage?”   Stephanie: Yes! “I wanted that video game,” “I wanted to go to the concert,” right? All these things. And again, that goes back to the gratitude piece and it goes back also to understanding our purpose. Our purpose is to serve God, right? Our purpose is we’re His sons and His daughters, and He has such good intentions and good plans for us. And so, how does what we want, what we’re requesting help us with that, right? So if I get that video game—w

    14 min

  2. 06/22/2023

    Parent POV: Dealing With Tantrums and Meltdowns

    Picture it: You and your four-year-old are having a great time at the grocery store; picking out fruits and vegetables together, chatting, and counting. All of a sudden, you realize you don’t have enough time to turn the cart around as you approach the tiny, but very visible toy aisle. These are cheap toys, the kind that hurt if you accidentally step on them, the kind that breaks on day three. There are two other carts in the way, and you don’t make a U-turn in time. Your four-year-old makes eye contact with a pack of seven little cars.  “Can I have those??” “Sorry, not today. We’re here to buy food. Let’s go look at the cereal!” Your efforts to distract are not successful this time. Then it begins. A tantrum: eyes filling with tears, fists balled up, the STARE. This situation sounds dramatic, because, to your little best friend wailing in the cart, it feels like the end of the world.  No matter how many books we may read, nothing will prepare us for dealing with tantrums from our own unique child. Parenting is a game of trial and error, cause and effect. Here are how 3 different families deal with BIG FEELINGS and what to do during a tantrum. Tips for temper tantrums Faith and Family team members, Denise, Macy, and Brother Jeff all have children ranging from 10 months to 8 years old. Here are their experiences with dealing with tantrums and working through big feelings:  Denise Gideon is 8 and Junee is 4. My children are strong-willed. They get an idea in their head, see it through, and have strong emotions if things get in their way. Unfortunately, it can lead to things getting out of control and frustration for them and their dad, and me.  It’s been a long process for us to dial back our own emotions and tell ourselves that our kids are not responsible for how we feel. It’s our responsibility to reframe our minds and deal with the situation in a calm way. It’s our kids’ responsibility to learn how to reign in their emotions as well and use their voices to tell us what they need. What never worked was yelling. As humans, even with good intentions, sometimes our feelings get the best of us and we raise our voices. While it may have worked at the moment, because the kids were too stunned to speak, it never worked for us in the long run. Any yelling we did added distrust and fear.  What does work is addressing their feelings and listening to what they’re trying to express. Usually, they lash out because we’re busy doing something else, and they just want a moment of our time.  Once, while I was doing laundry, Junee had a meltdown because she wanted to play a game. I asked her to wait and she didn’t want to. I still needed to help her learn patience, so she rode her tantrum out in a safe place in our home. But when I was able to sit with her and let her cry, I told her I understood that she wanted to play, but she needed to wait. I’m still not sure if she understood fully, but she was able to calm down. It turns out that she didn’t even really want to play a game, but wanted my attention, to acknowledge her, or to just sit with her for a moment. Sometimes, there are underlying reasons like that for their big feelings. My 8-year-old Gideon is the same way, but since he’s older now, he can express himself better when he needs some time to think. My husband and I have taught them to take some time to think and process how they feel. Usually, Gideon will go to his room to cool down and draw or read. When he’s ready to talk, he comes out and everyone is calm after having some time to think. One thing I repeat to myself is that if my kids are afraid to come to me because they think I’ll yell at them, then what kind of parent am I to them if I can’t be their comfort? Macy As a working mother, it can be very difficult to allocate time to your children and maintain balance with household needs as well. I try my best to be present for my three-year-old daughter, Madden, as she was raised a “pandemic child” with 24/7 access to her parents. During quarantine, we both worked from home and temporarily moved in with her grandparents. This situation put Madden at the center of the spotlight, all day every day.  We were able to attend to her immediately, spend one-on-one time every day, and establish routines quickly. It became more difficult with the arrival of my second daughter, Maxine, who is now eight months old.  Madden is currently having a hard time with sharing. Whether it is sharing her belongings, sharing attention, or sharing space—she was so accustomed to being the center of attention. That feeling sparks a sense of competition in her, which can turn into a meltdown,  so we as parents have to remember to watch our words.  Instead of saying, “You have to be quiet because Maxine is sleeping”, we say, “It’s quiet time, let’s see how long we can stay whisper.” Because Madden is such a picky eater, we used to compare and say “Look how much so and so is eating…” or “So and so loves this.” Now we just relate food to growth and health, and say “Wow, you’re eating so well! Let’s measure your height and see how much you’re growing!” This means continuous learning and correction for us as parents, to be able to use our words wisely and as a positive tool for helping our children deal with their feelings and self-image. She just recently had a meltdown at a convenience store because she locked eyes with a Spongebob Squarepants popsicle. I told her she had to pick something else because it wasn’t healthy. She was already dressed for worship service that evening and I did not want her to make a mess on her clothes.  Frowning, with her hand firmly grasped onto the freezer handle, she said “Spongebob,” her eyes deadlocked with mine.  I knelt down to her level and calmly said, “Madden, you just had ice cream. Let’s look for something more healthy.” I held out my hand and she planted her feet. My negotiation tactics failed to work this time as she immediately burst into tears. I was the bad guy to this angelic-looking child. We were in a standoff and no one was backing down. I wanted to leave everything and just bring her to the car to finish crying and to save me from embarrassment.   I was about to pick her up when an older worker approached us and said, “Now why is this beautiful baby girl crying? She’s too cute to be crying like this, especially being dressed so nicely. Can I give her a cookie? On me.” I was partly embarrassed because it felt like she thought I needed help. At the same time, I was also relieved because she offered another solution. I looked at Madden and said, “If you stop crying, this nice lady said you can pick out a cookie.” This seemed to work and we went to pick out a veggie and cracker snack box as well as the cookie she was promised.  When we were back in the car, I asked her if she understood what happened. I told her that the worker thought she was dressed up so pretty in her worship service attire, which was the same reason Mommy did not want her to make a mess with ice cream. She said “Oh I see now!” as she happily munched on her victory cookie.   Brother Jeff Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life. Proverbs 4:23 The Living Bible Co-parenting two children with my wife and performing as a minister, my primary goal above all is to assist in raising our kids in the ways God intends it should be. As the verse mentioned above, as a parent, I should be a role model in guarding my affections and emotions. This is especially important when our children are experiencing emotions they’re still learning how to control. Kassidy, my firstborn, is a 5-year-old who acts like she’s eleven years old. When things don’t go her way we’re reminded that she still needs lots of guidance.  Expectations as parents are very normal. One minute kids are cool and collected, but sometimes that is just the calm before the storm. The worst part is that sometimes, kids throw tantrums about things that don’t make sense, and as parents, we have to try to piece together this puzzle…or just stay calm until it’s over. One day Kassidy was playing with a toy. She got up and left the toy to play with something else. Kassidy saw a friend pick up her discarded toy and started playing with it. This was when Kassidy started to tantrum. She did not want that friend to play with that toy. We tried to ease her kicking and screaming by giving the toy back to Kassidy, but it was no use. Although her playmate was the same age and probably has tantrums of his own, he was very calm and looked shocked at what was happening and didn’t want to switch toys with KD either. Funny that our little ones can be so possessive and prideful at such a young age, or perhaps it’s just toddlers being stubborn-minded! We forget at times that logic goes out the window when BIG FEELINGS are in the picture. During meltdowns, it’s vital parents keep their cool. As mentioned in the verse, “Above all else, guard your affections. For they influence everything else in your life.”  Kassidy might have stopped yelling if I yelled back and became angry, but that would’ve resulted in terror and distrust. Instead, I helped her inside and consoled her, helped her calm down, and addressed her feelings, which is such an important piece to a peaceful resolution.  Later on in the day, when everyone was calm, my wife and I addressed the episode with our daughter. I reminded her to guard her heart especially when she’s upset or angry, and that she can have big feelings that might cause damage to others. I reminded her that God blessed her with a heart and a brain to think before she acts.  I explain to my daughter that if she listens to her strong emotions, she might say something hurtful. But if she uses her mind instead to think about what is right o

    13 min

  3. 12/28/2022

    Bridging the Cultural Gap

    Bridging the Cultural Gap   [Show open]   Mariel Gutierrez: Hi, everyone. You’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. Today, we have a mother and daughter on the podcast.   Leni Besa: Hi, I’m Leni Besa. And well, I immigrated from the Philippines to the United States way back; I think it was March of 1980.   Darlene Alejandro: Hi! I’m Darlene Alejandro, and I was born here in the United States.   Mariel: Leni and Darlene have an amazing bond, but with every parent-child relationship, there are ups and downs. According to a study published in the National Library of Medicine, “Asian American adolescents, specifically Vietnamese, Cambodian, and Filipino youth, report higher levels of culture conflict with parents than other groups of adolescents (Phinney et al. 2000; Rumbaut 1996).”    Darlene Alejandro: What were your hopes when you left the Philippines? Like, can you tell me about the experience and how you felt when you migrated over to the States? And who did you miss the most just help tell me about your experience moving here?   Leni Besa: As a nurse, [I] gained more experience in nursing, expand my knowledge in another country like America. I wanted more financial stability so that in the future, when I decided to get married, probably, which I did, I will be able to provide security and financial stability in my family. I wasn’t really lonely at the beginning because we were recruited as a group. When I am by myself, then, of course, yeah, I was lonely because I miss my parents, especially my sister, who I grew up with. Career choice and what it means to be successful Mariel: Another topic discussed was education. According to an NYU psychology publication, ‘The Model Minority’ stereotype presents Asian Americans as valuing hard work and education, despite studies which report that Asian Americans vary widely in their cultural values and level of academic achievement.   Darlene Alejandro: I specifically remember the day that I was in my junior year of college.    Leni Besa: Of college, yeah. Darlene Alejandro: And I remember coming home, and I was like, “I don’t know what I’m gonna do with this. I want to; I want to do aesthetics.”   Leni Besa: Right, right.    Darlene Alejandro: And I wanted to, it was like, and I did all my research on my own, and I came home. And I remember Kuya (“older brother” in Filipino)  was here, and dad was here. And I was like, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to do skin care. I want to go into aesthetics. And the schooling for that was in like two weeks. So that was so from that, yeah, from the day I decided to drop out of college, go to skincare school; that was like two weeks, and I just dropped it on everyone. And I remember Dad was like, “Oh, just let her do it.” And I remember you said you were. I think you’re the most concerned because I understand; it was such a quick transition. And, like, there’s no certainty in…    Leni Besa: In aesthetics.    Darlene Alejandro: In aesthetics. I mean, it’s not the typical, like doctors, lawyers, lawyers, stuff like that. And I remember being frustrated because I knew I wanted to do it; go to beauty school for skin care. And then I remember walking away, and I remember hearing Kuya talk to you like, “As long as she has a plan, it’s okay.”   Leni Besa: Oh, yeah. Yeah, that one correct. Yes. Yeah. Because, you know, like, nurses, when we are talking about, oh, my co-nurse would say, “Oh, yeah, my son is in medicine or so, so. So forth and so forth.” And then I thought about my kids and you, specifically. But then yeah, I remember what your brother was saying, “You don’t know, mom. She can be successful on what she’s doing than you do right now. And, you know, you don’t know that, you know, let her do it.” And so yeah.    Darlene Alejandro: I think was, yeah, it was…    Leni Besa: I remember that situation.   Darlene Alejandro: Yes. I think what’s different with our generation is that, well, you became a nurse because, like, financial stability.   Leni Besa: Right.    Darlene Alejandro: You knew it was going to bring in the money, and it was going to secure you a future…   Leni Besa: Right. Darlene Alejandro: …where your family would be taken care of.    Leni Besa: Yeah.   Darlene Alejandro: But here, like growing up American and in the States, there’s those jobs, but there’s also the creative route.   Leni Besa: Like I remember, I didn’t really like to be a nurse, I think. I wasn’t thinking of being a nurse, I think. It’s just my parents wanted [me] to be a nurse.   Darlene Alejandro: And so you became a nurse.    Leni Besa: So I became a nurse, right.   Darlene Alejandro: And that’s, that’s where I took, and that I understand there’s more uncertainty because it is harder to earn a living going the creative route, but we’re here now.   Leni Besa: And I’m happy, I’m happy, actually. I’m happy [with] the way you have taken your path right now. Because first of all, of course, God has blessed you. I still believe that you know God will not forsake you. My first priority is really you being, you being active members of the Church and in your duties. Because I know God will provide you all the things that you need and you will also be successful in, in [the] later part of your life. And you are successful right now. I am just happy that you are. Understanding cultural differences Mariel: Leni and Darlene discussed the topic of tone and how it was often misunderstood in their family dynamic during conversations. Many immigrant parents and American-born children experienced the same disconnect. A study has shown that immigrants and refugee families face challenges to reestablish family roles and patterns in an unfamiliar society with a new language and sociocultural environment.   Leni Besa: In the Philippines, we were not raised to be like our tone cause you guys grew up here. And you’re very confrontational, I guess, or argumentative. And you will speak your own mind. In the Philippines, I was not raised like that. Because I speak loud, and I guess you guys think I’m always mad, but I’m not actually mad. It’s just the tone of voice, I think, is the problem.   Darlene Alejandro: Like you were surrounded by other Filipinos in the Philippines who are all the same way. But then I go; I grew up going to like an American school with all of these different cultures and different kids with different backgrounds.    Leni Besa: That’s right.  Darlene Alejandro: So we have or growing up, we had way more perspective and influence just cultural, American cultural influence.   Leni Besa: That’s right. Yeah, cause I remember also when you were a teenager when you were young, your Dad would always get mad at you because of the way you speak.    Darlene Alejandro: Oh, I know.    Leni Besa: If you remember that, he would threaten you, “Give me your cell phone. Give me your cell phone.”   Darlene Alejandro: I will always remember that. And I remember there were even specific times where it wouldn’t make sense to me, like where I would think, “Why are you getting mad at me?”    Leni Besa: Yeah.   Darlene Alejandro: Like, it didn’t make sense to me because sometimes in my head, I’m just like, “I’m just trying to talk.” I mean, ok, granted…   Leni Besa: So now you understand how we are when we say that because that’s how we were raised.   Darlene Alejandro: I understand that I can come off a little bit strong. If I say some things in a certain tone, especially like talking to you and dad and Kuya growing up. But honestly, I think it’s because I got married. I think it’s opened up my eyes to a lot of our relationship. So looking back now, I think where we conflicted in tone, at least for me, is I felt like whenever I would say something, you took it as I’m mad, or I’m confrontational, or I’m disrespectful.   Leni Besa: Yeah.   Darlene Alejandro: But then in my head, whenever I would say what I want, or I would say what I mean, in my head, it would come off as I’m just trying to express exactly what I want. I’m just trying to tell you what I mean. And I think that’s still me today. Like when I do say something or when I yeah, when I’m just having a conversation or when I’m stating something, there’s no guessing. It’s like it’s exactly what I mean.    Leni Besa: That’s your thing.    Darlene Alejandro: You don’t have to think about when I say, like, I want to do this. That’s exactly what I mean. I want to do this.   Leni Besa: Yeah, because that’s how you were raised. I mean, you know, that’s how kids are raised here in America. But kids in the Philippines they’re raised differently. I think even now, I think they’re because they, I mean, growing up in America, is different. Like when you…going to school in America and the way you are taught here is different, I think, than the way we were taught in the Philippines.   Mariel: Darlene, now a newlywed, talks with Leni about her realizations as she grows older. In the end, their mother-daughter dynamic continues to evolve. But they’re taking more strides at bridging their cultural gap with one thing, in particular, their faith. Growing together Darlene Alejandro: So, you know how I moved away? Well, I just said I think our relationship is way better now, even though we don’t talk every single day. I think it’s healthier now, compared to like when I was growing up here, and we both didn’t understand each other. But now that we’ve had like these few difficult conversations and honest conversations. I think it’s better now. But even so, now th

    18 min

  4. 08/18/2022

    How to Talk to a Teen

    How to Talk to a Teen [Show open] Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone. You’re listening to the Faith and Family Podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family’s life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, I actually have my own daughter with us as we explore how to communicate effectively and why open communication is important, especially as she’s growing up and developing into her own person. Mariel: Oh, my goodness. Hi, Mattea. Mattea Gutierrez: Hi, Mom.  Mariel: So Miss Mattea is turning 16 this year. She’s going to be a junior in high school. Wow, I can’t believe it. And how else would you describe yourself, Mattea? Like, what are you into these days? Mattea: I’m very into immersing myself in media that I can find on the internet. I really like to read and stuff like that. I’m always at the library of my school, which is really nice. I like to just listen to music, play on bass and guitar. Super, super chill. Mariel: So how would you describe our relationship, Mattea? Mattea: We’re super, super besties. Yeah, I don’t think there’s any other way to say it. Of course, we are a mother and daughter, but I think just we’re able to talk about a lot of things and I’m able to talk about the most things with you, of course, because I’ve known you since I was not born yet. And even since then, it’s like you knew I loved to dance to Donna Summer when you were pregnant with me. So and then we’ve had that awesome connection. We know each other very well. Mariel: That is very true. And we still listen to seventies music and dance around and sing around. In the car, especially when we’re driving. Besties indeed. I think that’s how I describe us also. But I mean, I think we have balance like bestie/parent balance. Not quite… Mattea: …like besties only, no limits. Like, we definitely have those moments where it’s like we’re going to be honest with each other. And then we’re just going to, you know, talk about life and help each other out and stuff. Mariel: Do you, do you ever get startled when I have to turn mom on? Like, Mom mode? Mattea: It depends on the situation. If I’m aware of the thing that I have to be kind of reminded of. Yeah. I’m like, yeah, you’re right. You’re right. And of course, I’m going to listen to you because if my mom saying it, then she’s right. She knows everything because, you know, mom senses. But for sure, it’s helped us, even though it startles me, sometimes it does help us become even more besties, getting to know that stuff. Parent and teenager communication Mariel: That’s true. And I mean it’s kind of proof that I would never lie to you, right? OK, well, we’re here to talk about effective parent and teenager communication. Is that you? Based on parenting websites, you and your child are communicating effectively when—OK, here’s the list Mattea. OK? So you and your child are communicating effectively when (let’s see if we hit these marks): you both feel able to talk freely about your feelings and you feel heard and understood. Do we want to comment on that? What do you think? Do you feel free to talk about your feelings? Mattea: Yes. Besties. Mariel: Oh, that’s good. And you feel heard and understood? Mattea: I feel very heard and understood. And I hope you feel heard and understood even by an almost 16-year-old.  Mariel: I mean, yeah, you know I’m really happy where were we that we are at? Where we are, like, you know, you’re 16 and you could be, I don’t know, I don’t know. Like you’re so much better than I was at 16. So I’m glad that you feel that way, that you feel like you can talk freely and express yourself and that you feel heard and understood. All right.  And then the second bullet says that you talk about all the little stuff and you feel comfortable talking about the tough stuff when you need to. Mattea: For sure, because I mean, I have a diary and I have everything in my diary. And sometimes, I tell everything to my diary, but if I write everything in my diary, I probably told more to you. I read in it and then it’s like when we’re talking, I just pull it out and like, what am I forgetting to say to you about my day? Oh, yeah. We talk about other little stuff. We have lots of cute little inside jokes with that. And so, you know, that even makes it comfortable to talk about tough stuff because, you know, sometimes for me it’s hard to talk about tough stuff, but it’s since we already know each other, we like how we react to different little things and stuff like that really helps to just kind of is that even if that’s throwing in little jokes with the tough stuff. Mariel: That’s true. I think it’s because like, we really, really, really, really know each other, right? And I think that we or we have a really good sense of when it’s jokey time and when it’s like, “OK Mom, you need to listen” or, you know, or vice versa. But I do enjoy that. I like the little stuff in between. Like, for example, I love the the texts in the middle of the day or just a meme or like.. Mattea: …like a random selfie. We also send or sometimes we’ll share songs. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So I love that integration. Sometimes even like in a parent perspective, it’s tough to talk about the tough stuff because we’re trying to also balance and make sure you know that while we’re talking to you that we love you. Yeah. And it’s not just like we’re getting on you or there’s blame involved. Like, you’re this or that or you’re feeling at this or whatever. It’s really. Yeah, not like that at all. So just so you know, the tough talks are also tough on us. I know. So this last bullet, it says here you have a close and easy way of sharing things and you both know you won’t be judged because you love and care about each other. Mattea: Yeah, that’s us. Because we find ways to relate to situations just a lot that could be different intensities. Like, I don’t know, even when I’m little and I had an accident in my pants, and you’ll be like, “That’s OK. I had that, too, and it’s OK because you’re not the only person who does when you’re six years old.” Like we’re able to be ourselves, with those inside jokes. They’re inside jokes for a reason. We wouldn’t be that to just anyone, our coworkers or or classmates or any of that. Mariel: That’s true.  Mattea: So, yeah, we, we know each other, we get each other, and yeah, there’s no judgments in our interactions. Mariel: That’s very true. I feel like judgment comes when there’s blame or there’s, I don’t know, there’s some obviously there’s something negative about judgment, right? Yeah. And I like the example that you actually shared. Like when you make a mistake as a child, you know, and you’re not afraid to be like, “Oh no, are we going to get in trouble?” And I think that, as a parent, because the response, at least for me and your dad, it’s like we try not to be reactionary. So that means if something spills, the first thing is we check on you guys. “Are you OK? We can clean it up.” It’s OK, right? Instead of being like, “What were you thinking! Roar!” No. No roaring in our house. Yeah, we are loud for sure. But. Oh, yes, no roaring. So Mattea… Mattea: Mother? Mariel: What would you say was a meaningful discussion that we had that stood out to you? Mattea: You know, it’s kind of—you know when you’re baking, it’s like the inside of a cake has to be baked first before the outside is baked. So you could be a fully baked perfect cake. So, a lot of our discussions are very much like that with having our internal selves benefit, you know, the way we are externally.  I know one good discussion. One time it was I was having a really rough time with myself, just mental health and stuff, all of that. And, you know, I was, I was much younger than now. And so it was I thought, wow, I’ve never dealt with anything like this before and how do I tell Mom and all that? Because I thought it was something I could deal with. I always tried to be independent, but sometimes that’s not the solution, because it was really bothering me. And so, you know, I finally come up to you and it was, it was really good because you let me know that, there was no judgment with that and that, you know, this is a safe place to share, all of those feelings and that I’m not the only one who’s dealing with that. So, I wouldn’t have to rely on myself to feel better, which was really, really good.  Mariel: I know you don’t have all the answers sometimes, and that’s OK. But do you remember what that topic was, though? Mattea: It was mental health stuff. So if it was just mostly very intrusive thoughts about not being just in the simplest terms, I being a good person, I’m hurting people and all that. Like hurting the people I love and stuff like that. Mariel: Or by like the way you act? Mattea: Like the way I act and all of that because I do have my moments sometimes. And then at one point it was just so it was just bothering me to the point where it’s like I couldn’t do the things that I loved just because that bothered me so much, you know? So, it would sometimes make me cry because it was it was that upsetting to me. Yeah. And I thought, well, just assumed because I’m in a super loving household, why am I feeling all of this kind of doubt for the love that I would give back? And so that’s why, you know, it was so meaningful to have that conversation about what I’m feeling is nothing wrong and that it’s still a safe place. Like, even though we do have our moments that doesn’t get rid of, all the good that we surround ourselves and the people we love with, you know? Mariel: Yeah, baby. I do appreciate though. I know I will say this, and it is like a “parent flex,” you know? And it really has nothing t

    29 min

  5. 05/12/2022

    Parenting Children with Special Needs

    Parenting Children with Special Needs Mariel Gutierrez: Hi everyone, you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast, a Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. This week, we have two moms, each with a son born with special needs. Maribel Aquino: Hi, my name is Maribel Aquino from Pomona, California. I have a three-year-old son named Brennan. Acelyne Parco Sagabaen: My name is Acelyne Parco Sagabaen from Burlingame, California. My son is Jaxson, and he’s one year old. Mariel: Acelyne’s son, Jaxson was diagnosed with Down’s Syndrome during pregnancy, and Maribel’s son, Brennan was diagnosed at birth. Down’s Syndrome is characterized by intellectual and developmental delay due to a chromosomal disorder. Despite these challenges, a growing number of people with DS live independently and are able to find employment. Life with a special needs child Maribel: Three words to describe Brennan. Number one, he is brave. He’s sociable and diligent. He is brave. Actually looking back, my husband and I were thinking, “There must be a reason why we named him Brennan because the meaning of this name is brave.” Brennan is sociable. He gives a hug to everyone he meets. He lights up the room with the sweetest smile. And Brennan is diligent. Until now has been receiving therapy, physical therapy, occupational therapy, and then now speech therapy. And he works so hard and he doesn’t complain. Acelyne: Three words to describe Jaxson. Jaxson is strong, and loving, and mellow. Maribel, what’s a fear that you had when you first found out about Brennan’s diagnosis? And looking back what would you tell your old self about that fear? Maribel: More than anything else, I feared for his health, and I feared for his life. You know, those unanticipated health issues. When we learned about his congenital heart defect, we were so scared. And looking back, what will I tell myself, I will tell myself that everything will be okay. Learn to let go and let God take control of everything. And everything will be okay. I remember where during NICU (newborn intensive care unit) days hospital stays, I kept telling myself: “Nothing God gives that we cannot handle.” I kept on repeating those words in my mind. And it helped me get through all those difficult situations. Acelyne: I had fears of—I had a lot of fears when I found out about Jaxson’s diagnosis, like, I had fears that people wouldn’t include him or love him just because he had a disability, like, I was so scared that people would leave him out. And I also had fears of having the ability to care for a child with a special with special needs, because I  had no idea how to care for someone with special needs. I’ve never been in that situation. I also had fears of having enough time and resources because before being a mom, I felt like I had no time, or I didn’t have enough time for myself. So when I found out about his diagnosis, I kept thinking like, how am I going to take him to his appointments? How am I going to take care of him? And how do we have enough financial resources to bring him to all these specialists and doctors? I was just so scared. And I also had fears about the future like who would take care of him if something happened to myself or my husband? Like will he be able to take care of himself? I don’t—I just didn’t know. Looking back, I would tell my old self not to worry. Don’t worry about anything. You may feel nervous and scared but we have a God that can help us through anything. He’s the greatest provider. Maribel, I feel like there’s definitely more worried that parenting challenges, right? What do you think the most rewarding thing is about being a mom of a child with special needs? Maribel: Raising kids is not an easy task. It takes a village; more so if they have special needs. For me, the most rewarding aspect of being a parent to a kid with special needs is that we get to see, experience, and feel God’s miracles firsthand in our lives. Through Brennan, we see God’s love and power. There’s just so many, like I have a long list of answered prayers. We felt so much closer to God. And this beautiful journey, although it may be challenging, and for others, they may see it as inconvenient. It could be an [unconventional] kind of parenting, but the rewards are so much greater and it outweighs all those challenges. Acelyne: I love that you said that Maribel! Because like Brennan is three years old now and Jaxson is still one. So I’m still really new to being a mom, how do you find the strength to keep going? Maribel: If I may share this one experience? The very first surgery. One Monday morning, I received a call from the NICU doctor. Nine o’clock. The doctor told me that they’re going to do the surgery. It’s called exploratory laparotomy. It’s a procedure to open up the abdomen to fix or find out what’s causing the problem. Brennan was few weeks old. We didn’t know what the problem was. He kept vomiting. That Monday morning when they called us, [they said] they’re going to do that surgery on that same day. I was bawling. And I thought I’d lose my mind. I was so overwhelmed. I didn’t know what to do. My husband was already at work. I was by myself. I ran to our living room. And then I knelt down and prayed. The doctor was even worried about me because you know, when she was telling me about the procedure and explaining my sense of hearing stops, because you know, like, she was like, blah, blah, blah, blah. But all I heard was there’s a surgery, you know, they have to do the surgery. During the preparation, I remember the nurse asked for the waiver for me to sign, right? Because I couldn’t sign it. I couldn’t take any longer. I ran to the restroom. And then I grabbed a clean toilet seat cover. I laid it flat on the floor. And then that’s where I knelt. I said—I just surrendered everything to God. It’s His will, whatever happens, you know? “Just give me the strength that I need.” But there’s hope. I mean, I’m praying that he’ll make it. And then after that, I went back to his room and then signed the waiver form. And then yeah, that they did the surgery after two or three hours and then he’s back. That first surgery, and then here comes another one. And then the third one. He was under the knife nine times. You thought it would get easier. No. Another major surgery was the heart. But thanks be to God. I mean, because of His mercy and compassion, look at Brennan now. He has come so far and we’re so grateful to our own Almighty God. So what’s the most rewarding aspect of being a mom to a child with special needs? Acelyne: I feel like the most rewarding part is seeing him grow and seeing him like smash all his goals, even though it may take him a little longer than typical children. Seeing him accomplish one goal and how happy he is, it just makes me so happy. Seeing him grow within a community that loves him. So I’m so happy that he gets to grow up inside the Church Of Christ because the community inside the Church is so strong and supportive, I wouldn’t know what I do without all the brothers and sisters in the Church Of Christ. They love him so much and I love seeing how much happiness he brings them, and to know that he’s not a burden. So that’s that was also one of my fears that he would be a burden to myself or he would be a burden to me and Jones, my husband, or my family, or be a burden to other people. But it was the total opposite. He’s not a burden he’s a ball of love. He’s the total opposite of a burden he’s such a blessing to us and such a blessing to our family and He’s truly a gift from God, that’s a great source of happiness to us. Special needs parent burnout Acelyne: So, Maribel how do you overcome special needs parent burnout? Maribel: Okay, this may sound cliche, but I strongly believe that you cannot pour from an empty cup. So, we have to take care of ourselves, so we can take care of others, right? So how can we take care of others if we’re sick? So we have to be physically, mentally, and emotionally fit, with proper nutrition. Also, I try to squeeze in exercises. We cannot underestimate the value of “me time” because our needs matter too! Our needs are important too. Also, communication with the spouse or family member. And it’s also an important thing is [to]  find a support group. Try to look for resources that are offered within the community. And most of all, pray. Pray that because we have God as our best friend. He is always ready to listen 24/7. Okay, how about you Sister Acelyne, how what do you do to overcome the parent burnout being a special needs parent? Acelyne: Like you, I absolutely believe that “me time” is so important to overcome special needs parent burnout because, I mean, almost every day we go through therapies and driving there and making sure he making sure Jaxson eats and gets changed and cleaned before therapy and after therapy. [My husband and I], we make sure that we set aside some time to go for a walk just to go outside and get some vitamin D and feel the sun on our faces because we’ve been indoors taking care of Jaxson all day. I love that my husband also allows me to get a massage. I mean simple things like that or just [getting] boba after a therapy like that really helps us out, so we don’t get burnt out. Setting aside time to meditate at the house of worship, and making sure we have that moment of peace and silence, meditating and resetting our mind and our bodies and really get rid of all that built-up stress that we may have throughout the week and be renewed. Another thing we do to overcome special needs parent and burnout is asking for help when we need it because really, taking care of a child with special needs, it’s like another a whole other job, it’s like a full-ti

    19 min

  6. 12/23/2021

    Dealing With Postpartum Depression

    Tired Moms Podcast: Postpartum Depression Irma Jackson: I asked and I prayed that God gave me some clarification why I might be going through this and I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it back again. If I didn’t have the Church or if I didn’t have God, I would have been lost a long time ago. I wouldn’t have been able to control this on my own.  Mariel Gutierrez: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are four Christian moms from the Church Of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Mariel Gutierrez and joining me on this podcast are my very good friends.  Bernie: I’m Bernie Rosquites. Emirick Haro: I am Emirick Haro. Jewell:  And I’m Jewell Buenavista.  Mariel Gutierrez: Today we’re going to talk about postpartum depression. It’s a thing. Many of us go through it, some milder than others, but it’s real. And it happens.  Bernie: How are we going to hold hands together virtually, like this social distance holding hands as we talk about this?  Everyone: Yeah.  Bernie: On this podcast, you will learn about the ways to cope with it, how to support someone who’s going through it, then we’ll also hear from a mom of two who fought her way through it with professional help, prayer and her faith. Jewell: You know, sometimes this is called baby blues, and it’s normal. About one in five women experience this. I was always happy, I was always a positive person growing up. And with my first child, I remember having these crazy, crazy thoughts that it would make me cry. And then I finally read, you know, I would keep it to myself, because they were such horrible thoughts. I didn’t even share it with my husband,  Harmony.  Jewell: But one day I was reading that book, um, “What to Expect in Your First Year” and it said in there, if you have thoughts, something along these lines, if you have thoughts of maybe throwing your baby out the window or something, it is completely normal. When I read that I was just like, Oh my gosh! I started crying because I was having these crazy thoughts like, … why would I have these kinds of thoughts? You know, and, um, I shared it with Harmony. I was crying to him. And I didn’t realize that maybe I did have postpartum depression and not realize it. But it definitely was. I was definitely not myself. Emirick: I wasn’t sure if I had that either. Okay, I didn’t really realize if I was depressed, but I’m looking here at the symptoms now and maybe, let me see if I could check off these symptoms. It’s been a while but you know, it is a vivid memory of when I was a first mother. So, experiencing low mood, or being restless.  Everyone: Okay. Yes, yes.  (laughs) Emirick: Being sad or overwhelmed. Feeling guilty or worthless. Check maybe, yep. Easy fatigue, easily fatigued, or being irritable. Check. Jewell: Irritable! Emirick: Ok, crying easily and too often. Withdrawing to staying away from family and friends. Wow. Okay. Feeling hopeless. Feeling like you’re not sure how this is going to get better. Yeah, Um okay. Eating too much. Or refusing to eat. (laughs) Mariel: Sorry, go on. Emirick: One or the other. Yeah. So yeah, I think of both Yes. Sleeping too much, or having trouble sleeping. So taking a look at that list, I could probably check off more than half of those things. So maybe I was experiencing postpartum depression and just slugging it off as like, Oh, it’s okay. You know, I’m gonna be ok. Mariel: Yeah, I think some of that sometimes, like, especially after birth, a lot of these things on this list, you shrug off as like, well, I just had a baby. Of course I’m tired. Of course I feel weird because I just had a baby. So I remember for myself, I didn’t think beyond that. I just thought like, yeah, I’m sad because maybe because I don’t feel like myself. Or you know, or I feel tired or just Yeah, I just I kind of just tacked it on to just having had a baby. That was it. Bernie: I think. Yeah, I’m reading some of this and it sounds like a Monday. Everyone: Like now, right? Yeah. Mariel: Well, you know what, thankfully for us today, and I wish I had this when I just had a baby, but for us today, we got advice from a clinical psychologist, a fellow mom, friend, Dr. Sydney Fontanares. And she shares some of the ways that we can manage postpartum depression. I seriously wish I had this list, you know, when I was giving birth and stuff. Y’all ready?  Everyone: Yes Mariel: So number one on her list is to develop support. It’s not uncommon, you know? Postpartum depression is not uncommon. So it helps to hear from other women that have gone through it or other moms, maybe they’re not talking about it. But if you open up, they’ll be like, Yeah, me too. You know, other moms can be your greatest source of strength. And I feel like I have that with you guys, you know? Bernie: Yes! Jewell: I definitely had my go-to people that really helped me.  Emirick: And I think that maybe that helped me not realize that I was experiencing postpartum depression. Bernie: Yeah, that’s a way to look at it, yeah. Emirick: Because I did have support.  Mariel: And you know, what’s interesting about that is that maybe like, when you’re together in that support group, you don’t have to label it, right? Everyone just understands, like, yeah, we know what this is. And so we know how to help you. And they just kind of band together with that goal. But that’s awesome that you guys had support. Alright, so number two, number two on her list, right? She says, to make simple lifestyle adjustments. You know, taking care of your baby includes taking care of yourself. Yes, yep. Dr. Sydney Fontanares was saying, you know, don’t pressure yourself to just do everything all at once. Do what you can and then leave the rest for another time. Which, again, you know, I know what you– Jewell: Easier said than done. Mariel: Exactly. Because there’s always a list, right? Yes, there’s a list. And then like, it’s not like, you can just take off anything from that list and be like, oh, we’ll feed them tomorrow or, or we’ll wash the onesies another time. You know, but you know, like the poop explosions, you’re going through, like 50 a day. So, yeah, it’s hard. But I think that it is worth exploring. Right? Yeah. Definitely. Yeah. And so her third, you know, advice for us was to seek professional help and discuss like the symptoms, no harm in that right. And then just know that the symptoms don’t last forever. They’re temporary, and they’re treatable. And you keep asking for help until you can find the care you need. Bernie: Yea, that’s one hundred right there. Emirick: That’s important, right? You have to- Mariel: I wish– I wish I had, you know, someone tell me that when I was younger, but I do love the way that she says like, the symptoms don’t last forever, and that they’re treatable. But I think the question is what happens when the symptoms last longer than expected, right? So right now, we’re going to hear about the inspiring struggle of Irma Jackson. She’s a mama too, a nurse, who on top of the stress of being a medical professional, she’s dealt with the loss of her dad. And this is all while trying to manage her postpartum depression. Wow. So it  sounds like a lot. But let’s, let’s have a listen and see how she got through it. Bernie: Please stick around till the end of the podcast because Brother Jeff Deguia will tell us what the Bible has to say about grief and depression.  Irma Jackson: My name is Irma Jackson, and I am a nurse case manager. I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety, probably about 2014. But I had the symptoms in 2013, I expected there to be baby blues, which is a normal thing for people after they have a child because our hormones readjust. When I had the symptoms, because I didn’t get any validation from my family that I disclosed it to, not feeling right, I tried just living with it from this uneasy feeling. And then slowly, my behavior started to change. And that’s where I reached out for help from a professional. Irma Jackson: It was probably day after day, I would find out, I would feel overwhelmed. Sometimes depression has different faces. And the way it came out for me was anxiety. And I felt debilitated. Like I couldn’t drive in the car with my child in the backseat, because her cry would trigger me. And that would create this anxiety where I felt like I couldn’t move. And I had fast breathing. So I had physical signs and symptoms of something. Like I really couldn’t put my finger on it because I’ve never experienced it before. I went to a few of those group therapies, which helped to realize I wasn’t alone. I asked and I prayed that God give me some clarification why I might be going through this.  And I just wanted to get better. And it’s always been my prayer to get better. But, you know, the mental illness, it’s a chronic disease. So some days you have good days, some days you have bad days. There’s always going to be a trigger within your life that can bring it  back again. Irma Jackson: And, it happened when my father died from a cardiac arrest, in February 2017, and then my grandfather dying July 2017. And then giving birth to my child, my second child, unemployed. And so those triggers became too much for me to handle Hope is so important when you’re going through depression, because no matter how many loving people there might be surrounding you, and supportive people surrounding you, you still feel hopeless. So that hope, it gives you the motivation to wake up the next day, and live your life every moment, even if it ta

    26 min

  7. 11/12/2021

    Explaining Christmas and Halloween

    How We Explain Christmas to Our Kids Bernie Rosquites, Host: You’re listening to Faith and Family, a Christian Family community that aims to provide Christian family values. I’m Bernie Rosquites. As members of the Church Of Christ, we uphold beliefs [that] guide both our public and our personal lives. But how do we teach that to our kids, when it means taking away seemingly fun and widely accepted holidays, and perhaps, alienating them from their peers? What do we say to our kids when it comes to explaining why members of the Church Of Christ don’t celebrate events like Halloween or Christmas? And what do we tell the grown-ups around them? With me today to talk about all of this is Emirick Haro, Jewell Buenavista, and Mariel Gutierrez. Welcome back, ladies. Everyone: Hello! Bernie: Hello? Everyone: Hi! Bernie: Okay, I was like, what happened? [Laughing] So holidays are just around the corner. Literally, one of them is literally just around the corner. Now for you, ladies: Are there holidays—is there a particular holiday that your kids ask the most questions about? Emirick: I got to them before anybody else could. I would tell them… Bernie: You’ve got to, yeah. Emirick: Yeah! What the holiday was, what it was called, and I would always tell them it’s a celebration of a fake god. And God will be mad at us if we do that, so we don’t do that. Jewell: There was a time that…it was during Halloween that [my daughter] Jasmine—I think she was like only three or four—we had to go somewhere during October 31st, so we had brought her to my in-laws, and she [came] home, she’s like, “Oh my gosh! Halloween was so much fun!” Everyone: Oh nooo! [Laughing] Jewell: And then we were like, “Why what happened? What did you do? We don’t celebrate Halloween!” And she’s all, “I know, I know, I know, but we had so much fun giving out candy…”and, you know. For me and [my husband] Harmony, we…it was more like okay, it’s…we explained to her, and then, of course, we had to remind our in-laws that we don’t celebrate Halloween. Bernie: Mhmm… Jewell: But now, it was just kind of that one time, but then, now it’s honestly not… Bernie: … not a big deal? Jewell: It’s not. Yeah.  Bernie: Yeah. How about you, Mar? Mariel: Umm… okay. Now I feel bad! Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: I was going to say you dressed your son up like Woody, didn’t you?! Everyone: [Laughing] Mariel: When the costumes go on sale! And it’s not Halloween!  Bernie: You know I have to say, I’ve done that. When a costume goes on sale, I… Mariel: I know! Your son loves to dress up, right? I see those posts. Yeah, that’s not Halloween, right? Bernie: Mhmm, no. He knows it. Mariel: Yeah! I got my daughter…I think she had caught [on], when she was really small, she had watched, I think, Polar Express. Are you guys familiar with that movie? Bernie: Yes!  Mariel: Yeah! So, she saw it on TV, and… but she was really young, we’re talking like two or three, and I was like, “Aww man!” you know? Because she was so like…it was so magical for her! You know what I mean? And I, unfortunately, didn’t get to her, before it got to her, and so I had to explain to her, well, you know, I had to be kind of the bad guy. I was the parent that was like, well, I don’t know, Santa doesn’t really exist, you know? And like, this is what Christmas is, but we don’t do that as members of the Church Of Christ. And it was hard for her, you know? Now she…  Bernie: … did she ask questions? Mariel: She did! And for a while, she would say, like, because she was only three? You know? Bernie: Yeah, mhm.  Mariel: I would say, “Do you understand?” And she’ll be all like, “Yeah.” But then she’ll be all like, “Buuut…” [Laughing] You know? She’d be like, “Yes, but… can I still get presents? But I’m not celebrating,” you know? Bernie: Yeah  Mariel: Yeah. Or like, “But, can I…” She’ll ask like it was like a jumble of questions: Can I still have hot chocolate? Yes, you may have hot chocolate. Can we still go to places with snow? Yes, we can still go to places with snow. Bernie: That’s too cute.  Mariel: You know what I mean? Bernie: That is adorable. Mariel: And then she was like, are you sure that Santa doesn’t exist?  [Laughing]  Bernie: Because last I checked, he was giving out gifts right now!  Mariel: I know, because I just saw him at the mall, you know? Everyone: [Laughing] Mariel: It was a little hard. I wish I had gotten to it before it did. You know, like I thought that because she was two or three, it was too soon anyway, because they weren’t at school, blah blah blah. But I was wrong! You know what I mean? It’s true, like they are… these holidays are being marketed so early, right?  Bernie: Yeah.  Mariel: You know? Even like…it’s in their programming, their television programming. It’s in commercials, it’s everywhere!  Bernie: Girl, if you go to Starbucks, everything is pumpkin flavored, pretty soon it’s going to be mint flavored. Mariel: I know!  Bernie: Everything is based on those things, so it’s unavoidable. Now, are there special things that you do to avoid the inevitable exclusions from their peers? Because I know a few parents who when, for example, when it’s Halloween, they have their, their school has their Halloween parade. Some of these parents—I’m not saying it’s wrong or right—but some of these parents, they just don’t bring them. They exclude them from school, just so they don’t have to see any of it. Or there are some who take them out to the movies while the other kids are trick-or-treating, or give New Year presents instead of Christmas presents. I mean, do you do any of that? Emirick: I used to! I used to when I was a stay-at-home mom. I was a stay-at-home mom for a while. During Halloween, I would volunteer at the school to take care of those kids who don’t celebrate. Bernie: Oh!  Mariel: Aww…that’s awesome!   Emirick: Because you know…  Jewell: I think it’s a great idea! I think I wanna do that! Bernie: That’s an amazing idea. That’s a great idea. Emirick: Because we’re not the only ones who don’t celebrate.  Bernie: That’s true. Emirick: Now, if we were, then I would probably be like, okay kids, we’re not going to school, or something else to say. But I would volunteer. I would talk to the principal and say, do you have other kids who don’t celebrate Halloween? And so, it would be offered to the teachers. If there were any kids who, you know, it’s against their beliefs to go out and do the parade or whatever. Mrs. Haro will take all those kids to the library, and we would make paper airplanes; we would do a little science lesson, and have a lot of fun! And so, I would do that every year with my kids. Mariel: Oh! You made a community for those kids! I love it! Jewell: I love that idea! Bernie: I love that. I mean that is…  Jewell: Yeah! I mean, when [my son]  Hayden was in TK. So TK, what is that? Mariel: Transitional? Jewell: Yeah, transitional kindergarten. He was five years old so during Christmas time, the teacher took us aside, and said, “Oh can I speak to you real quick?” And then she was like, “I know you guys don’t celebrate Christmas, but Hayden has to stop telling everybody that Santa is not real.” Everyone: [Laughing] Bernie: See! I’m afraid that’s what my son is going to do!  [Laughing]  Emirick: I’m about to have a special conversation with my kids about that, yeah.  Jewell: And so, of course, we had to [tell him], “Hayden, you can’t…you still have to respect…” Everyone: Right, yes. Jewell: So…but in a way, I’d rather him be confident that way, and tame him down, versus like, he’s embarrassed to be the outcast. Do you know what I’m saying? And I think that’s what parents need to remember. When I was a Children’s Worship Service teacher, I would purposely ask the kids during service, because I feel like kids need to embrace being different you know? Bernie: Correct. Respect others’ beliefs, while still participating in learning Jewell: And I don’t think we should dance around the topic? You know what I mean? So we could sugarcoat their feelings? No, I feel like we need to…I feel like we need to teach them how to be confident. Emirick: I feel like believing in those, you know, things like, Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, I feel like those kinds of things kill faith, because kids grow up thinking that stuff is real. Yeah, and then they grow up thinking those things are real, God is real. They lump them all together.  Bernie: Oh gosh no, right. Emirick: And when they grow up they realize… wait, Santa Claus isn’t real? And the Tooth Fairy isn’t real? Oh, then God must not be real either. So, you know, I made it very clear. I feel like those things kind of are killing that faith in God, and they think that it preserves wonder in a child, and I’m like, there are so many things that you can wonder. I mean, all of God’s creations, and all the things God does? That’s wonderful! [Those are the] things you should have your wonder in!  So, when you put your wonder in these fake things, and they think, oh, you’re not preserving wonder in a child, you’re killing a child’s imagination and creativity, I think, absolutely, that is the wrong thing. You’re not killing their imagination and creativity…you’re killing their faith. You know? And you can believe in God, and not believe in those fake fairy things, and preserve wonder, and teach creativity and imagination.  So, from a very early age—from the minute my kids could look around, and see things and understand what I’m saying to them, I told them this is Christmas. It’s in honor of a fake god. Do we honor fake gods or do we honor the real God? And they’ll say, oh the real God! An

    20 min

  8. 10/28/2021

    3 Lessons from a Breast Cancer Survivor

    3 Lessons from a Breast Cancer Survivor Tired Moms Podcast: Breast Cancer Survivor Luida: …He said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. Reality hit. So I broke down and cried. I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it.  Bernie Rosquites: Hello, welcome to the Faith and Family podcast hosted by the tired but inspired moms. We are Christians from the Church of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Bernie Rosquites, and joining me on this podcast is my good friend, Miss Emirick Haro. Emirick Haro: Hey, Bernie, hello, hello, everybody. It’s October, which means it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month. We celebrate those who are battling it– the friends and family members who are in the trenches with them, and those who have survived it. Bernie: Yes. And we were also helping to spread awareness with our guest today, Luida Florendo. She was diagnosed with an aggressive form of breast cancer in 2014. The treatment was so tough on her, she cried herself to sleep, but with the support of her husband, friends, and God, she has managed through it. So she’s experienced a lot, and we are going to learn a very important lesson from her. She is with us right now. Hi, Luida. Thank you for joining us today. Luida: Hi, Bernie. Hi, Emirick. Hello. Glad to be here in this podcast show. Emirick: Thank you for joining us. Yes. Tell us how you found out that something was wrong. Luida: Let’s see started back in April 2014. I had my first mammogram at the age of 42. I was turning 43 in a couple months. When the results came back from the mammogram, the doctor said that I had some calcifications or white spots in my mammogram. So they said we need to check if you have any cancer cells. So they said let’s do a biopsy. So I did a biopsy and he said it came up negative. But he said just to make sure let’s do a lumpectomy, which is a surgery to get some breast tissue sample.  Bernie: Okay.  Luida: And after that first lumpectomy, they found a speck of cancer cells and was like in the milligram. It was super tiny, but they caught it early. So I was thankful for that. And then they said you know what, let’s do a second lumpectomy just to make sure that it hasn’t gone to the lymph nodes. So the results came back and it was negative. So that was good. But we said the next step is we need to take it to the tumor board to see if you have the aggressive cancer cell. So when it came back he said you have the aggressive cancer cell so you have her2 positive breast cancer. So that was in August 2014 and he said you need to do chemotherapy next week Bernie: so when you got the mammogram it came out negative right. And then they said let’s just double check.  Is that– they didn’t –Is that how it went? Luida: Actually when they looked at the results of the mammogram they saw white spots Bernie: okay to the tiny okay, Luida: Right and then because I never had any mammogram before that  Bernie: This was your first one? Luida: very first one so they had nothing to compare it to. So they said we need to check it out. Emirick: Wow. So it’s really important to have a mammogram, right?  Bernie: Yes, yes,  Luida: Early detection is key. Yes, man. Emirick: And and when do they recommend starting it? At what age? Luida: I was at the time I turned 43 Emirick: Okay, so um, your very first mammogram and then that was in April and in four months,  you had to start going through chemotherapy? Um, tell us what was going through your mind from the moment that you found out something was wrong, right, because it’s just a routine procedure. Everyone said, get a mammogram and you know, and and you get one thinking it’s just going to be routine, and you find out something is wrong, and in four short months you’re going through chemotherapy, so like, how did you process that in your brain? Luida: Let’s see, for the first reaction, I was, um…reality hit. So I broke down and cried. And then at the time, I was the only one working, my husband was laid off at the time. So I was thinking how we’re going to pay the bills. How are we going to survive? Right?  Bernie: Wow. Luida: So that’s the initial reaction. Emirick: Could you feel that something was wrong? Like were you tired? were you feeling sick sometimes or did it just feel like normal like every day Luida: it’s funny you mentioned that because I had no symptoms whatsoever. So no tiredness, no sore, nothing sore in my my breasts, but it was just because mammogram, they found that there was something there was something unusual about my mammogram. And that’s when everything happened. Emirick: So yes, because I know I mean, myself, I, I get scared of mammograms. I had one actually, finally, I’m 46 now and I had my first one, like, last year. So for those of you listening, you know, I hope this inspires you to get mammogram and get early so that you can, you know, learn about what’s going on, because like you said, You didn’t feel anything different, right? Luida: None. Emirick:  So just routine. Can I ask when you found out? What were your prayers? Like? How did you? How did you like turn to God and, and, and ask for his help? Luida: Let’s see, I knew that my life was in God’s hands.  Bernie: Yes.  Luida: So I said in my prayer that if it was my time to go, that I would accept it. But then I said, if it was possible, I wanted to fight this breast cancer, I want it to live longer. Emirick: So it’s almost like that surrender, right? So Bernie: Surrendering is, is… when you leave it, it’s easy to say like, you know, I’m just gonna leave it in God’s hands, but there are times in the middle of the night. Your mind starts talking to you. But I feel like  your conviction to just, “ I’m gonna let God take the wheel.” Luida:  Yeah, right.  Bernie: And, and, and you’re still with us today. And through all this, as scary, as I can only imagine the roller coaster of emotions you were going through, who was supporting you through it all. Luida: I guess my number one supporter would definitely be my husband, Cesar Lorenzo. He took me to all my doctor appointments to all my chemo, and radiation treatments. He was practically my nurse at home. So he made sure that our was well taken cared of and comfortable. But my other supporters would definitely be family. My family’s in Hawaii, the Langit family there were miles away, but very supportive. Then I had my in laws, the Florenda family who were here in San Diego, then I also had my co workers from the county of San Diego that was super supportive. And another big supporter were my INC family from the locale of South San Diego. Emirick: you had a lot of support. Bernie:  you had a lot of support and that I that’s.. and that really means a lot. How has your relationship with God changed through this experience?  Luida: Let’s See, definitely when I was going through the chemo treatments and all that, it definitely made my relationship with God stronger. Because um, despite the chemo treatments, God was so good that he gave me the strength to still go to work. He still allowed me to perform in the choir. So  that I am super thankful to God that despite the treatments, Bernie: You were still doing your thing. Luida: I was still you’re still business as usual. Yeah. Emirick: Through chemotherapy and everything? Luida: Right? It’s like, and then I guess I went to work and went to church. Usually I had a black scarf on because I lost my hair. But that didn’t bother me. It’s like, I don’t care. Emirick: I just really admire your positivity.  Bernie: Yes. Emirick: I actually don’t know, like, what is chemotherapy like? If you don’t mind, kind of painting that picture  for me and and our guests. Luida: Let’s say we chemotherapy. I’d be fine. Like I would do it on Friday. But then I would be super hyper and talkative, per my husband. Saturday, Monday. And then on Monday, and Tuesday will be my down day. It’s like I can’t go to work. I can’t do anything. So and then I guess the hardest part about the chemotherapy was like when you eat food. It tastes like metal like you’re eating pennies.  Bernie: Yeah.  Emirick: Oh, yeah. Luida: So it was hard to find something that your mouth and your taste buds could accept. So that was the hardest thing and then that’s the one where one day I was like super hungry, but I couldn’t eat anything and that’s when I cried myself to sleep.  Emirick: Aww Bernie: I can only I yeah. You’re just like that piece of chicken that looks delicious. It tastes like a bag of pennies. Emirick: No, you take away my sense of taste and I don’t know how I’m gonna continue. Yeah. So Okay, that’s a lot to go through. Um, what would, what some advice you’d have for someone who’s going through that, like, how did you find your strength? Luida: Let’s see pretty much um, like having God as your backbone was a big, big help.  Bernie: Absolutely.  Luida: Having the support of family and friends having huge circle of support was , it helped me through the chemo treatments. Emirick: Now I heard that after your experience, you started supporting other family and friends who were diagnosed with breast cancer. Why is that important for you to help them? Luida: Let’s see, when it comes to my experience with breast cancer, I definitely wanted to be open to anyone who was experiencing the same thing or someone who knew someone that was going through breast cancer, because I wanted to, like ease their anxiety, kind of give them an idea of what they’re gonna go through, or some of the good and bad things that they’ll experience during the chemo treatments. Emirick: How did you begin doing that? Did you just identify– how did you learn of people also diagnosed with breast cancer?  Luida: Actually, after I went through my own c

    16 min

  9. 09/23/2021

    What Do You Say To Someone Who Lost A Child

    What Do You Say To Someone Who Lost A Child Mae Peralta: You know, that I would feel guilty, because your initial reaction to the whole thing – well, if I were to be a mom, how can I be a mom, if I can’t protect the one thing [that] I’m supposed to protect? Bernie Rosquites: Right.  Emirick Haro: Yeah. Mae: One friend of mine was like, “Oh, you’ll have other kids!” Bernie and Emirick: Oh.  Mae: I mean, what makes you think that this one didn’t matter, somehow?  [Music]  Bernie: Parenting isn’t easy! It’s challenging and frustrating, but it’s also rewarding and inspiring! We just need a few reminders. Parents, dads, mamas – you’re not alone – I’m Bernie Rosquites.  Emirick: And I’m Emirick Haro. We are the tired, but inspired moms, and you’re listening to the Faith and Family podcast. A Christian family community that aims to promote Christian values for every phase of your family life.  Bernie: You know, losing a loved one, it isn’t easy. I know – I recently lost my mom last October, and the grief can be… uh, quite honestly, I have no words for it. It just, it leaves you numb! And you find yourself in this space of trying not to question: why? And you want to crawl in a hole, but you can’t. And reality is you have no other option but to move forward, painfully, without the one you lost, and you have to allow time to help you heal.  Emirick: I lost my dad when I turned 21. It was something that happened suddenly, so it… I wasn’t able to prepare myself for it. But, honestly, I don’t know how I would’ve prepared myself if I had a clue that it would’ve happened anyway. Life, immediately after his passing, was difficult, it was sad, and awkward. My friends would tippy toe around me because they didn’t know how to support me. And I would tippy toe around my mom because I didn’t know how to support her. So, what’s the best way to support someone who has just lost a loved one?  Bernie: So, today, Mae Peralta will be joining us on this podcast. She lost her baby girl at 24 weeks, due to complications. She lost her girl on November 25th, 2013. But today – she is blessed with one daughter, Hope, and a pair of some amazing twins, Sam and Lily! But she is still healing from that loss, and that’s absolutely understandable. It takes time and prayer and some encouragement.  Please stick around to the end of the podcast because Brother Jeff De Guia will tell us what the Bible has to say about grief and what we should have hope in. Mae is on with us to talk about the best way to support someone who has had a miscarriage, or has experienced loss. Hello, Miss Mae! How are you? Mae: Hi! Hi, moms! Thank you for having me!  Bernie: We’re glad to have you here! So, Mae, I know you’ve got 3 kids, girl!  Mae: Yes, I do!  Bernie: Yeees girl! A work from home husband, and a dog to take care of! I mean, just saying that, I’m already tired. What’s that like? Walk us through your day! Any day!  Mae: Let me give you an example of the day: I would wake up in the morning, get my daughter, Hope, ready for school. And even though her school is only in front of the laptop at home, it takes her literally 20 minutes to get up and get dressed. And then from there, I just kind of start looking at my laundry – to be folded, to be put away, or to be started – so that’s a neverending story. I’ll get breakfast started for the kids, and for the husband, and then from there I’ll just kind of do my daily chores, you know. Hopefully insert a walk with the dog, because sometimes I need to get out of the house.  Bernie: [Laughs] Right?!  Mae: Yeah! Ummm…. I did some panic-buying of some baked goods, so I’ve got a lot of flour that I’ve got to go through.  Bernie: Is that where all of that went?! All at your house? [Laughs]  Mae: Yeah! So, while I’m doing meal-prepping, I’m going to insert some kind of baked goods somehow because I’ve got to get through all of that flour.  Emirick: Man, it’s time for a nap already! [Laughs]  Mae: I know, right? And along with that I help Hope, the oldest, with her homework and try to get the twins to at least practice – to pretend – that we’re going to school – so they’re not just playing around the whole day.  Bernie: And to add to all this chaos, everybody, Mae’s whole family recently tested positive for COVID. But, thankfully, everyone is ok! Right? Everyone is ok?! Mae: We are good! Thank you! By the grace of God.  Bernie: Yes, and has fully recovered! This is awesome. So, I’m glad to hear everybody is ok.  Mae: We are, thank you.  Emirick: So, your life sounds very eventful! Busy, loud… a bit chaotic? But, overall, sounds very blessed! But life wasn’t always like that. In 2013, when you lost your baby because of complications, how did you cope with losing Adeline Faith?  Mae: Ohhh… um. Honestly, it’s been a few years, but I do find myself trying to make sense of it all, still… You know, that I would feel guilty, because your initial reaction to the whole thing – well, if I were to be a mom, how can I be a mom, if I can’t protect the one thing [that] I’m supposed to protect?  Bernie: Right.  Emirick: Yeah. Mae: And then, you know, I felt guilty because my thoughts would go to, “Oh, maybe… maybe I’m not supposed to have children?” Maybe this was God’s way of telling me, yeah, I’m not supposed to have children.  Emirick: How… how were like, you know, the people around you? Friends, you know, your community? Like, how…  Mae: To be honest with you, I know it was difficult for them to try to figure out what to say to me, and how to act around me. And I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but almost all of them, like, kind of said the wrong thing to me. And I kind of almost felt immediately… I knew immediately that I, myself, had to kind of take the situation into my own hands. And almost, kind of, put myself in a situation where I had to show them I was ok when I still wasn’t, because I didn’t want to continue with this whole, “Are you ok? … What can I do for you?” The truth is, you couldn’t [do anything], nobody really [could].  Emirick: What are some of the things they would say that would like… sting? You know, like when they would say, “I’m sorry,” you know? And they try to make you look at the bright side?  Bernie: Right. Because, you know, people don’t [always know] what to say, but sometimes, I think the things that they say are just like… it’s definitely not what you wanted to hear.  Mae: Yeah. It wasn’t. Like… one… one friend of mine was like, “Oh, you’ll have other kids!”  Bernie: Oh? Emirick: Mmm…  Mae: And I was just like, ok… I’m not like, you have no reaction to that because you’re just like, you’re… my friend, why would you say that to me?  Bernie: Right.  Mae: Like, what makes you think… I mean, what makes you think that the positive, the positive of like, “Oh, I’ll have other kids!” – like this one didn’t matter, somehow? And, “Don’t grieve for too long.” And I’m like, well, I haven’t even grieved yet, I’m still trying to…  Bernie: … process.  Mae: Yeah! Process everything that has happened, and at the same time, I have to put up a front with everyone, just because it’s easier for me to show you I’m ok, when I’m really not… because of, you know, comments like that! So it was just like, ok…  Emirick: So, it’s as if you had to think of them?  Mae: Yes. Honestly, like, let me… just let me be. I mean, if there was anything else, you know, just let me be… because this, I know this feeling, the sadness, isn’t going to take forever, but I just need to know that this sadness is ok for me to feel.  Bernie: Did you have anyone in your community, in your group of friends or family, that did say the right thing? Or did do… or did the right thing?  Mae: One of my good friends, best friends – she was my best friend at work – she just went, you know, you know, just… she always said, “Your faith is what’s going to take you through it – let it take you through it.” But, yeah, she was so understanding. And there are times where, you know, there are… you just can’t say anything. So, you know, on days after work, she’ll be like, “You want to go to Starbucks?” or “You know what, let’s go to our Disneyland, let’s go to Costco!” You know, just to kind of get back into what everyday life was like, again.  Emirick: Yeah, like a little bit of a distraction?  Mae: Yes! At least, for that time. To remind me that I’m not this sad person all the time. And I was, for a very long time… but she helped me through that.  Emirick: Uh, so, I’m… I’m taking notes! You know? It’s like, you’ve just got to be there. And like, you don’t have to bring it up? You don’t have to be like, positive? You just have to be like, let’s just hang out! Like, give a sense of normal! And if that person is willing to cry, or talk about it, you don’t even have to say anything! You just have to just let them know, I’m here. I’m not judging you, I’m not telling you that it’s going to be one way or the other. I’m just here… for whatever you need.  Bernie: And she, and she didn’t say any of that! She… her way was like, “Do you want to go to Costco?” You know? It wasn’t one of those, “Hey girl, I feel like you need some time…” She just…  Emirick: Yeah yeah… right? Bernie: … went about it, normally.  Emirick: Not even saying, “You’re going to get through this.” You don’t have to say that.  Bernie: Exactly… yes!  Mae: Because it almost seemed like, if anybody were to say that to me, they’re already putting that timeline.  Bernie: They set you up!  Mae: Yeah! Yeah. So, that’s how I took it. Like, if somebody, you know, asks you or tells

    20 min

  10. 07/15/2021

    9 Ways To Regain Your Sense Of Self

    9 Ways to Regain Your Sense of Self  Jewell:I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth…  Everyone: [Laughs]  Emirick: Keep going, Jewell! Mariel: It’s like a handmaid’s tale! I’m like…  Everyone: [Laughs]  Jewell: My hormones were all over the place! And at the same time dealing with crying babies and lack of sleep. I always just felt stressed out! And fast forward to now, maybe within the last two years, is when I recognized that I’ve lost who I was! Mariel Gutierrez: Hello! Welcome to the Faith and Family podcast, hosted by the Tired but inspired Moms! We are four Christian moms of the Church Of Christ, Iglesia Ni Cristo. I’m Mariel Gutierrez. I’ve been a mom since 2006. Bernie Rosquites: I’m Bernie Rosquites! I’ve been a mom since 2012.  Emirick: I’m Emirick Haro, and [I’ve] been a mom since 2000!  Jewell: And I’m Jewell Buenavista. [I’ve] been a mom since 2008! Mariel: It’s so funny. You know, I was actually doing the math in my head. I’m like, collectively, we have 50 years of mom-ing experience. [Laughs]. And I felt both old but very accomplished! Because I was like, well, if I don’t have the experience I can always just tap into one of my friends, you know? [laughs] Right? So today, I’m going to ask, do you guys even remember what you were like before being a mom? With our 50 years of mom-ing experience? Do you all feel like you’ve lost a sense of identity? So, today – listeners, friends – today we’re going to discover the 9 effective ways to cope with identity loss, and how to slowly gain it back!  Bernie: Well, good. Because girl I need it! Before being a mom, I was… a creative! You know, I loved, loved to write. But the last time I was creative, was helping my 8 year old with a puppet show…  Everyone: Aww… Bernie: And you know, my fashion sense has kind of been chiseled down to like the leggings and the hoodie and the slip on shoes – preferably Vans – so that’s why I think I’m still a little bit fashionable?  Emirick: [Laughs] definitely! Kids are wearing them? I mean, come on, right?! Bernie: And them um… right?! Mariel: Right! Right. Still on point.  Emirick: Hoodies and vans! You’re still good.  Bernie: And then don’t get me started [with] wearing that make-up! My make-up brushes have collected dust, and I think the only thing that’s still being used is eyeliner and mascara, and do I even bother to wear lipstick these days? Do I even? So…  Jewell: Oh my goodness, Bernie. We’re so the same when it comes to that! Well, I just realized before… um when becoming a mom after the three, I realized ok, something about me has changed. And what I realized was: I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth, I got pregnant, I gave birth…  Everyone: [Laughs]  Emirick: Keep going, Jewell! Mariel: It’s like a handmaid’s tale! I’m like…  Everyone: [Laughs]  Jewell: My hormones were all over the place! And at the same time dealing with crying babies and lack of sleep. I always just felt stressed out! And fast forward to now, maybe within the last two years, is when I recognized that I’ve lost who I was! And, honestly, mamas, I’m trying to find myself. I used to fix myself a lot more! Nowadays, just like Bernie, I’m just [like] ok, what sweats, what jeans, what…  Mariel: Jewell, you know what’s so funny though? It’s that you’re still really pretty and put together… Everyone: [Laughs]  Emirick: Yeah, sounds like, you know, a lot of changes continue to happen. So, before you were a mom, and now… good and bad things! Right? So, if I think of myself – my identity – before I was a mom, I was spontaneous as well. I flew by the seat of my pants, and I always landed on my feet. Planning and preparation was like, totally overrated? [Laughs] It was like, what do I feel like doing now? I’m going to do that right now! And… I lie a little because I didn’t always land on my feet, but I pretended like I always landed on my feet. Mariel: No matter how you landed, it was always just gracefully anyway [Laughs]  Emirick: Yeah exactly! I’m like ta-da! This was how it was supposed to be?! I was so fun and spontaneous… But, today, like today, I’m like [the] complete opposite. I’m super practical and a total planner! You know? Ok, maybe not a complete total planner, because you know, I have my moments, but my 24 year old self would be super impressed with this 46 year old version, you know?  Mariel: You know what’s funny? I didn’t know you all when I was single, right? I lived all the way up in Canada. So hearing about you all, like, your befores? And… yeah! Like, I mean, I love you all now and everything, and I wish we were all single together.  Bernie: Oh,  Emirick: We would’ve had a good time!  Mariel: We sound like fun people! We sound like we’re humans, right?! Everyone: [Laughs]  Jewell: Seriously!  Emirick: Totally!  Mariel: Like, really cute?  Emirick: I’m trying to convince my kids that I was like, really fun!  Jewell: Oh my gosh, Emirick! That’s me all the time! And my kids just laugh. They’re like, no mommy, daddy’s the fun one!  Mariel: Ouch! Ow…  Bernie: Why is dad always the fun one?! Dad’s the fun one in my house too.  Mariel: Oh, you know what then? So, does it even bear asking? Like, should I even ask? Do you miss your old self? You know? Are there parts of it that you miss? Or..  Bernie: You know, I… I do. It can be a little scary. A little… depressing, shall I say? Every sense of who you were before kids, or, who I was before kids, is… you know… you kind of look in the mirror and it’s all gone? And your passions and your interests have slowly disappeared, and you’ve devoted all this time to raising little humans, right? And a lot of the time you don’t even realize that it’s happening! It’s right there, it’s happening right before your face. You don’t even know. Next thing you know, you’re at the Container Store figuring out how you’re, like, going to organize, you know, your…  Mariel: Tiny t-shirts and [laugh] yeah! Bernie: And then one day you look at yourself in the mirror and then you just see parts of yourself, you know, it’s fading away, and so sometimes, you know, that kind of, that kind of hits hard sometimes. You try not to, but… Mariel: Yeah…  Bernie: … it does.  Mariel: Yeah…  Bernie: But this – we’re not going to end… we’re not going to end as a sad story!  Everyone: [Laughs]  Bernie: What we are sharing because I feel like… I’m going to cry!?  Emirick: Yes!  Mariel: Did you feel emotional as well? Everyone: [Laughs]  Bernie: But what we are sharing, and you know, it’s… it’s true, and it’s the realities of parenthood. You know, we’ve got a lot of moms reaching out to us everyday saying the same thing, and asked us how they can cope. Well, we reached out to Dr. Sydney Fontanares who is a licensed clinical psychologist in the Bay area, and she shared with us 9 ways to deal with identity loss. Are you all ready to hear these 9 ways?  Everyone: Yes!  Bernie: There you go! Ok, number 1: Ask yourself what are the things I liked or liked to do before I became a mother?  Everyone: Mmm!  Bernie: Right? How can I reincorporate some of these things back into my life? Which we’re slowly doing because, you know, Jewell is over here chillin’ on the couch binging on Netflix! Which is awesome! And then we ask for help! Number 2: We ask for help. It takes a village!  Jewell: Yes Bernie: It takes a village to raise a child… and a mom! Right?  Everyone: Yes! Bernie: Moms can take this time to rediscover herself and her hobbies, which is… which is the truth. You know, I myself [am] slowly getting back to the creative portion of what I love to do. Why not? Even if it’s just a few… uh, you know, a few minutes out of the day just to, just to – something for me. Um, number 3: Compromise with your spouse about a weekly set “me” time.  Mariel: Mmm. Emirick: That’s a good one, yes. Bernie: Like, I’m going to be a Target… between 4:30 and [laughs]  Mariel: 4:30 to 8:00? [Laughs]  Jewell: I’m getting my nails done, my hair done… Bernie: Right? Exactly! It’s on the calendar. It’s on the calendar. Number 4: Find ways to creatively continue to invest in yourself – which is so true. Number 5: Know that your identity is ever evolving.  Jewell: Yes!  Bernie: That ‘different’ doesn’t always mean ‘lost’. Priorities shift as you and your child grows. Which is so truuue! Right?  Everyone: Yes. Yes. That’s a good one!  Bernie: Yeees! And number 6: Identify how to incorporate what you value in the current season of your life. Number 7: Use boundaries to help you prioritize your wants and needs. Number el… 8: Practice self-compassion, and number 9: identify your strengths and what you do well.  Mariel: Hmmm…  Emirick: I like those! Jewell: I love these! Ni… this 9.  Bernie: Yeah! But I’m going to pair her advice, you know, your advice… everybody’s take on this with acceptance and prayer because I prayed a lot when I felt like I was spiraling.  Everyone: Yes. Mhm.  Bernie: And God has shown me through different events and people in my life, you know, example? You guys! That I have been blessed with, like, the most important job, and that’s being a mom. And this is who I am now and forever. I can’t, I can’t waste my time asking myself, you know, where did “Bernie from the Block” go? Everyone: [Laughs]  Emirick: She’s in there! She’s in there! [Laughs]  Mariel: [Laughs] She’s lifted! She’s like, deep down, shoved…  Emirick: She has evolved though! Mariel: Yes! She’s evolved!  Emirick: She’s better now!  Bernie: Yeah, like, you know, I’m Jojo’s mama, and I now gi

    18 min
  • 10 Episodes

5
out of 5
26 Ratings

About

Discover the ins and outs of Family life and find out how God wants your household to be.

Information

  • Creator
    incmedia.org
  • Years Active
    2020 - 2023
  • Episodes
    10
  • Rating
    Clean
  • Copyright
    © Copyrighted by the Iglesia Ni Cristo (Church Of Christ)
  • Show Website
    Faith and Family