The Sex, Porn & Love Addiction Podcast

Gary McFarlane
  • 3.7 (9)
  • Self-Improvement
  • Updated Weekly

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.  Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain's involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you discover and become re-acquainted with the real you, having learnt to like yourself, you are equipped to be the best that you can be. Maximise the living of an increased quality of life; and on the journey, achieve recovery and sobriety from Sex, Porn & Love Addiction using The Kairos Centre Changement Recovery Online Webinar programme; bringing colour back to life - without shame.What may be the world's first fully comprehensive Video-on-Demand Webinar Programme to help you gain sobriety and Recover from Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of behaviour.First address the unresolved past uncomfortable events and then go after the Compulsive/Addiction activities.

  1. 1d ago ·  Video

    Why You Panic When Someone Pulls Away (Attachment Expert Explains)

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre If you cling when someone pulls away, panic when a text goes unanswered, or want closeness and fear it at the same time, you're not "too much" — you're likely running an Attachment pattern formed long before the relationship you're in now.  In this video, Gary explains Anxious and Disorganized Attachment: where the terror of being abandoned comes from, why the two styles feel so different from the inside, and how early experiences of unreliable or frightening caregivers wire the nervous system to expect loss. Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 187 episodes). TAGS: Core/broad: fear of abandonment, anxious attachment, disorganized attachment, attachment styles, attachment trauma Specific/technical: anxious attachment style, disorganized attachment style, abandonment issues, fearful avoidant attachment, attachment and childhood trauma Intent-based: why am I afraid of being abandoned, why do I panic when someone pulls away, signs of abandonment issues, why am I so clingy in relationships, how to heal abandonment fears Credibility/framework tie-in: trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist Long-tail: anxious vs disorganized attachment difference, signs of fear of abandonment in relationships, how childhood causes abandonment fear Support the show

    Why You Panic When Someone Pulls Away (Attachment Expert Explains)

  2. Sep 29 ·  Video

    Why "I Don't Need Anyone" Is Usually a Trauma Response, Not Strength

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre "I don't need anyone" often sounds like strength — but it's frequently a trauma response, not a personality trait. In this video, Gary breaks down hyper-independence: why it develops (usually from learning early on that relying on others wasn't safe or reliable), how it quietly damages relationships by keeping partners, friends, and family at arm's length, and why the people who most need connection are often the ones most convinced they don't. Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 187 episodes). TAGS: Core/broad: hyper independence, trauma response, self reliance, emotional trauma, relationship psychology Specific/technical: hyper independence trauma, why I don't need anyone, avoidant coping, childhood trauma and independence, fear of relying on others Intent-based: why can't I ask for help, why do I push people away, is hyper independence a trauma response, why do I refuse help from others Credibility/framework tie-in: trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist Long-tail: signs of hyper independence, hyper independence and childhood trauma, how to unlearn hyper independence Support the show

    Why "I Don't Need Anyone" Is Usually a Trauma Response, Not Strength

  3. Sep 22 ·  Video

    Which of the 4 Attachment Styles Are You? (Secure vs. Insecure)

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Most relationship patterns — the ones you keep repeating without meaning to — trace back to one thing: your Attachment Style. In this video, Gary breaks down the four Attachment Styles (secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized), what drives each one, and why understanding yours is often the missing piece in relationships that keep hitting the same wall. This isn't about labelling yourself — it's about recognising the pattern so you can actually change it. Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (68K+ downloads, 192 episodes). TAGS: Core/broad: attachment styles, attachment theory, secure attachment, insecure attachment, relationship psychology Specific/technical: anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, disorganized attachment, attachment style quiz, attachment and relationships Intent-based: what is my attachment style, why do I push people away, why am I so anxious in relationships, how to fix insecure attachment Credibility/framework tie-in: trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist Long-tail: signs of anxious attachment style, signs of avoidant attachment style, how attachment style affects relationships Support the show

    Which of the 4 Attachment Styles Are You? (Secure vs. Insecure)

  4. Sep 16 ·  Video

    Why "Attachment" Is Actually Detachment (The Hidden Psychology)

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre The Attachment That's Really Avoidance — Why Closeness Can Feel Like a Threat Why Some People Feel Closest When They're Actually Furthest Away  DESCRIPTION: What looks like attachment — staying, showing up, saying the right things — can actually be a form of detachment. Many people in relationships with addiction stay closely tied to the routine and the role, while emotionally checking out from the relationship itself. In this video, Gary unpacks the hidden psychology behind this pattern: why intense involvement in a relationship doesn't always mean genuine emotional connection, and how addiction, trauma, and self-protection can produce something that looks like closeness but functions as distance. Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, trains and supervises other therapists in this field, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 189 episodes). TAGS: Core/broad: attachment vs detachment, relationship psychology, emotional detachment, addiction and relationships, betrayal trauma Specific/technical: attachment styles, avoidant attachment, emotional unavailability, detachment in relationships, addiction and emotional distance Intent-based: why do I feel disconnected in my relationship, signs of emotional detachment, why does closeness feel threatening, attachment vs avoidance Credibility/framework tie-in: trained by Thaddeus Birchard, ATSAC therapist, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist Long-tail: why attachment can look like detachment, hidden psychology of emotional distance, addiction and attachment issues Support the show

    Why "Attachment" Is Actually Detachment (The Hidden Psychology)

  5. Sep 11 ·  Video

    "What's Wrong With Me?" — The Question Every Sex Addict Asks

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Shame and self-criticism are often the real barrier to recovery — not the addiction itself, but the belief underneath it that you're not worth the work of healing. In today's video, trained sex and porn addiction specialist [Gary] walks through a practical 30-day self-compassion exercise designed to rebuild the distorted self-perception that years of shame and self-chastisement can create.   Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — often described as the UK's foundational figure in the field. He works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (66K+ downloads, 187 episodes). If shame is keeping you stuck, this exercise is where to start. TAGS: Core/broad:  sex addiction, porn addiction, sex addiction expert, sex addiction recovery, betrayal trauma Specific/technical:  why sex addiction is destructive, sex addiction and the brain, dopamine addiction, neurochemical addiction, sex addiction trauma, compulsive sexual behaviour Intent-based:  signs of sex addiction, how sex addiction affects relationships, is sex addiction real, sex addiction help, effects of porn addiction on relationships Credibility/framework tie-in:  ATSAC therapist, trained by Thaddeus Birchard, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist Support the show

  6. Sep 4 ·  Video

    Relapsed Again? Here's How to Get Back Up (Sex Addiction Expert Explains)

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Let's look at Episode 189 recording from another perspective. Sobriety rarely happens in a straight line — and if you've relapsed and feel like you're back at square one, you're not failing at recovery, you're likely missing a piece of it. In this video, Gary explains why "white-knuckling" and willpower alone tend to collapse under pressure, and why lasting sobriety depends on treating the trauma underneath the addiction — not just managing the behaviour. If you've fallen down, this is how you get back in the fight. Shame and self-criticism are often the real barrier to recovery — not the addiction itself, but the belief underneath it that you're not worth the work of healing. Trained sex and porn addiction specialist [Gary] walks through a practical 30-day self-compassion exercise designed to rebuild the distorted self-perception that years of shame and self-chastisement can create.   Gary trained under Thaddeus Birchard, founder of ATSAC (The Association for the Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity) — often described as the UK's foundational figure in the field. ATSAC is the body that shaped how sex and porn addiction is treated clinically in the UK. Gary works with both addicts and their partners through separate, specialist pathways, and hosts The Sex Addiction Podcast (67K+ downloads, 189 episodes). If shame is keeping you stuck, this exercise is where to start. TAGS: Core/broad: Sex addiction, porn addiction, Love Addiction, sex addiction expert, sex addiction recovery, betrayal trauma Specific/technical: Why sex addiction is destructive, sex addiction and the brain, dopamine addiction, neurochemical addiction, sex addiction trauma, compulsive sexual behaviour Intent-based: Signs of sex addiction, how sex addiction affects relationships, is sex addiction real, sex addiction help, effects of porn addiction on relationships Credibility/framework tie-in: ATSAC Therapist, trained by Thaddeus Birchard, sex addiction specialist UK, accredited sex addiction therapist  Long-tail: Why sobriety feels impossible, relapse doesn't mean failure, how to recover from a relapse in sex addiction Support the show

    Relapsed Again? Here's How to Get Back Up (Sex Addiction Expert Explains)

  7. Aug 18 ·  Video

    Sex addict - learn to get up, dust off & get back in

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre When you do Therapy/Counselling with The Kairos Centre, there are these 3 Stages which summarise the process: Stage one: Explore - that is what we do in the 50 minutes session. We jump into the sand pit together to talk, discuss and explore the issues. Stage two: Reflections in order to gain Insight & Understanding. That is what you do outside of the sessions. It is actually the most important stage, because that is when you make connections based on the Stage one Exploring. Stage three: Action/Change - now that you have Explored and Reflected, you may want to do something with the insights gained; with the issues moved from the unconscious into the conscious. You will do a lot of this Action/Change yourself; but at other times, you will need help from your Therapist. The Pothole Poem is a lovely summary and reminder of the frustrations of repeating the problem and even worse, repeating them even after you can now see and recognise them in the consciousness. "Then why do I keep repeating the patterns"?  Because the behaviours have often had decades of presence in your life - on repeat and you expect to change them within days or weeks. Not really feasible, because they will have become neural Pathways/hamster wheel behaviour patterns/habits. It takes time to break down neural pathways and change them to positive welcomed habits/practices.  There are no quick fixes with Sex/Porn/Love Addiction Recovery. Hence, I do not talk about someone achieving sobriety until one year from their last 'Acting out' behaviour. Read the poem - A poem by Portia Nelson, published in her book, There's a Hole in My Sidewalk: The Romance of Self-Discovery Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Bringing colour back to life - without Shame. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, Support the show

    Sex addict - learn to get up, dust off & get back in

  8. Jul 24 ·  Video

    Sex Addiction damage to the Couple needs proactive Repair

    Send us Fan Mail On-Demand Programme Link - https://mailchi.mp/bb2a7b851246/kairos-centre Sex Addiction prevalence in the couple's relationship is likely to create tension, conflict , hurt and damage to trust and therefore undermine to couple's relationship. Repair will be needed and almost certainly third party trained help will be beneficial. When "Mrs Porn" is on her way out and a distance down the road - not necessarily having been gone for a long period - but going is detectible - it's time to work on repairing the couple. Up until then, the couple have different work to do and different journeys, before joint work. What is a Repair Attempt? Consider this - from The Gottman Institute: "A repair attempt is any statement or action — verbal, physical, or otherwise — meant to diffuse negativity and keep a conflict from escalating out of control. In his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman, Ph.D., calls repair attempts a secret weapon of emotionally intelligent couples. His ground breaking research shows “the success or failure of a couple’s repair attempts is one of the primary factors in whether [a] marriage is likely to flourish or flounder.” What do we do when our repair attempts fall flat? The simple act of making repair attempts is not enough. Knowing your partner, by understanding their "Needs"/Love Language/Apology Language/The Five Loves (in my book The Art Of Loving) - will help to devise ways to effectively de-escalate a conflict/argument -often arising from the betrayal. Each has lost their best friend. Conflict is inevitable and is not necessarily bad. It is very hard to remain in conflict with someone you are touching and embracing. The block is letting go of pride and actually making the first move to touch the other person. You should try it! All our deepest fears stem from our desire for connection (to be secure) and significance. Our deepest fears are therefore to lose connection and lack significance. There are 7 A’s of an effective confession - as a first step towards Repair & Rebuilding connection. They are: 1.    Address everyone involved: admit to your role which contributed to the conflict - to every person who has been directly affected. 2.    Avoid “if”, “but” and “maybe”: do not use words that shift the blame to others or appear to minimise or excuse your guilt. 3.    Admit specifically: identify the specific behaviour which you need to change. 4.    Acknowledge the hurt: show that you are trying to understand the way someone must havefelt by your behaviour. 5.    Accept the consequence: the consequence may have been severe and restitution may benecessary. 6.    Alter your behaviour: explain to the person you offended how you plan to alter your behaviour in the future.  7.    Ask for forgiveness (and allow the other person time). (Forgiveness is one of the most valuable gifts possible. It is very important to understand true Forgiveness, before giving it. A part of Forgiveness is a promise never to again raise the issue against the person! (That can be very tough to uphold). Sex Addict - this applies to you: "If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction" — DietrichBonhoeffer Get some help from The Kairos Centre. See what you cannot see. Begin to change that which you begin to better understand. Bringing colour back to life - without Shame. Key words: sex addiction, addicted, partner, porn addiction, recovery, sex drive, therapy, sex therapy, podcast, relationships, relationship counseling, relationship advice, addiction, couples, couples therapy, sex therapy, emdr, love addiction, behavior, Support the show

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3.7
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About

Gary McFarlane helps you understand Sex, Porn & Love Addiction. This podcast dives into the neuroscience behind these issues, guiding you on the path to recovery. For more resources, visit: www.kairos-centre.com.  Helping you better understand the neuroscience of the brain and sharing what we now better understand about the brain's involvement, from childhood development. To help you effect change; find the real authentic you (whose truth self went off at a tangent in childhood); so that as you discover and become re-acquainted with the real you, having learnt to like yourself, you are equipped to be the best that you can be. Maximise the living of an increased quality of life; and on the journey, achieve recovery and sobriety from Sex, Porn & Love Addiction using The Kairos Centre Changement Recovery Online Webinar programme; bringing colour back to life - without shame.What may be the world's first fully comprehensive Video-on-Demand Webinar Programme to help you gain sobriety and Recover from Sex, Porn, Love Addiction patterns of behaviour.First address the unresolved past uncomfortable events and then go after the Compulsive/Addiction activities.

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