Dan & Billy invite Nostalgia Test Podcast all-star Meghan Nolan to put the 1988 Nicolas Cage black “comedy” Vampire’s Kiss to the ultimate test—THE NOSTALGIA TEST! “This is a steaming pile of sh*t. I hate everything about it. It is not nostalgic for me. You cannot be nostalgic, I'm gonna say it again, about a movie that's about him raping somebody [...] It's not a comedy. It's a film that doesn't even know what it is. It doesn't make me nostalgic about the 80s. It doesn't make me nostalgic about bats. It doesn't make me nostalgic about anything. This is a hard fail. I never wanna see this film again. I'm sad that I watched it.” -Meghan Nolan There’s not really much else to say. Dan & Billy’s guest, Meghan, sums it up pretty well. This “movie” (if you can call it a movie) is an abysmal piece of chaos that should’ve tanked Nicolas Cage’s career, but because of his status as a Coppola in Hollywood he was absolutely fine and was able to continue to run amok forever. In fact, one of the main points in this episode is how it took almost 16 years for Jennifer Beals’ career to recover from Vampire’s Kiss. Sure, she was in the Denzel Washington movie Devil in a Blue Dress in 1995, but her comeback wasn’t until her role in The L-Word in 2004. Yet, Cage was in a string of insane failures and chaotic bullsh*t since 1988, and he continues to have this momentous acting career, even after 1997's Con Air. Another movie that should’ve killed his career. But I digress. This episode has everything a classic Nostalgia Test episode has, tangents, regrets, jokes, and all the insane laughter about Nic Cages need to have warm yoghurt poured on his toes so her can be “aroused” in a sex scene with Jennifer Beals. Again, this man was allowed to have a career after this! Also, justice for Alva, the poor secretary played by María Conchita Alonso who has to endure being verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually abused by Peter Loew (Nic Cage) in this abomination of a film. So, grab your fake plastic vampire teeth, reschedule your appointment with your inappropriate therapist, and brace yourself for one of the most insane breakdowns for a movie so bad that the podcast consensus is they’d rather watch Happy Gilmore 2. Email us (thenostalgiatest@gmail.com) your thoughts, opinions, & episode idea for The Wheel of Nostalgia! Suggest A Test & Be Our Guest! We're always looking for a fun new topic for The Nostalgia Test. Hit the link above, tell us what you'd like to see tested, and be our guest for that episode! Approximate Rundown 00:00 Cold Open Chaos 00:38 Show Intro and Guests 02:43 First Impressions and Memes 03:34 Trailer vs Reality 04:31 Plot Setup and Alva Abuse 05:43 Noir Opening and No Plot 07:15 Bat Scene and Weird Sex 09:28 Accent Rant and Acting Choices 12:07 Office Contract and Harassment 13:52 Therapist and Vampire Teeth 15:57 Club Meet and Pasties Theory 25:47 Nick Cage Trivia Hot Yogurt 28:16 Career Context and No One Said No 31:49 Alva Home Life and Escalation 36:28 Time to Lean Quote 37:38 Bag Soup Confusion 38:48 Blanks and Assault Scene 39:30 Not a Dark Comedy 41:09 Cage Acting Trivia 42:19 Mimes and Street Filming 44:18 Roaches Pigeons Coffin 45:38 Club Murder Breakdown 49:31 Nepotism and Careers 54:02 All in His Head Theory 56:09 Therapy Session Madness 57:35 Reviews and Poll Results 01:02:06 Nostalgia Test Verdicts 01:11:01 Final Wrap and Next Picks Book The Nostalgia Test Podcast Bring The Nostalgia Test Podcast's high energy fun and comedy on your podcast, to host your themed parties & special events! The Nostalgia Test Podcast will create an unforgettable Nostalgic experience for any occasion because we are the party! We bring it 100% of the time! Email us at thenostalgiatest@gmail.com or fill out the form at this link. LET'S GET NOSTALGIC! Keep up with all things The Nostalgia Test Podcast on Instagram | Substack | Discord | TikTok | Bluesky | YouTube | Facebook The intro and outro music ('Neon Attack 80s') is by Emanmusic. The Lithology Brewing ad music ("Red, White, Black, & Blue") is by PEG and the Rejected