Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Utah Foster Care
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Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

  1. 2D AGO

    First-Time Fostering

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes back Laura from Foster Parenting to discuss her first book, First Time Fostering. Designed as a practical field guide, the book brings together real-world strategies, scripts, and community-sourced wisdom to support new foster and kinship caregivers. Laura explains why she created a manual that caregivers can jump into by topic, rather than reading cover to cover. The conversation explores how the book helps families who are licensed, waiting for placement, or already feeling overwhelmed. They dive into what caregivers can control inside their homes, from building trust and connection to handling sleep, food, boundaries, and hard conversations.  Amy and Laura also discuss preparing friends and family for fostering, responding to inappropriate questions, advocating with caseworkers, knowing when to say no to a placement, and supporting permanent children already in the home. This episode offers reassurance, validation, and practical tools for foster parents at every stage. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why First Time Fostering was written as a practical, topic-based field guide How new foster parents can use the book when they feel overwhelmed What caregivers can control inside their homes, even when the system feels chaotic The power of scripts and role-play for hard parenting moments How to prepare friends, family, and community before placements arrive Ways to respond to inappropriate or insensitive questions Why saying no to a placement can sometimes be the most supportive choice The importance of putting agreements with caseworkers in writing How fostering impacts permanent children in the home Why flexibility and reassessment are essential throughout the year Resources mentioned: First Time Fostering by Laura Available through major retailers via https://firsttimefostering.com Follow Laura on Instagram at Foster.Parenting Learn more about foster care in Utah at Utah Foster Care Transcript Amy: Tune in to today’s episode we chat with Laura from Foster Parenting. Talking about her first book a must read for all foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Laura from Foster Parenting. That is what she’s known for on her Instagram, and she’s joining us again for the second podcast and we’re so excited to have her. Thanks for being here, Laura. Laura: Thanks so much for having me back. Amy: I’m excited because you are putting out a book. Yes, I’m excited and , all of the feelings.So I was privileged enough to get to read the book, so I’m excited to chat with you about it today. Tell us the name of the book and then tell us why you wrote this. Laura: So it’s called First Time Fostering. And I wrote it because a lot of people were asking for it. That was the start is everyone’s like, I binged all your videos, but I wish I could have this all written down. there’s so much in the comments, but like, how do I put it all together? And so I was like. you know, maybe I could do some blog posts, which I started doing. But then that became like another thing to look through and figure out and navigate. And I know that, new foster and kinship providers don’t have a lot of time. They’re in the weeds. And so I really wanted to get all of that. Rich information shared on my platform from the community all in one spot. And so that is the book. It’s everything compiled together into one place to support, new caregivers. Amy: I love that because the very first thing I think that you say in the book is this is a manual. You can read the whole thing through. You can just go by topic. And it is from the very beginning, it is so well organized that it’s truly like,okay, I need help with this specific topic. Okay, this page, bam. I love that. Laura: I really was just drawing from, what I’ve been doing online for, the last few years is people come to me for a very specific, like, oh, we haven’t been sleeping. what are we doing wrong? Or , what am I not thinking of? And so that was the thought process is okay, let’s just talk about maybe the pain point and go to that specific place of the book. I also, prefer books like that so I can find an answer quickly. Amy: The second I started reading, I was kinda laughing at myself because there’s so many books that people recommend to foster families and you’re like, cool, I have to read the 700 page book, and half of it is scientific language that I don’t know. your Book was not overwhelming, I loved. Laura: And I think there are so many books out there that support in different ways, right? It is important to understand child development, how trauma affects the brain, all of the different parenting methods and, therapeutic interventions. and so I did wanna create something that was different, I didn’t wanna replicate a lot of the great things already out there I wanted to add to it and create something different. Amy: I think you succeeded so beautifully. Laura: Thank you. I try to be practical and to the point. Amy: This is such an easily used book, people that are considering foster care, this is really what it looks like. I think what we’re gonna chat a little bit more today is these families that are licensed, maybe they’re waiting for their first placement, or maybe they have their first placement a few weeks in. How does this book help them now? Laura: And that is the goal, right? It’s the field guide. So here we are, we’re ready to go. we’re about to say yes, or we’ve just said yes. Now what? And my hope is that people will, take a bullet point here and there and feel confident as they navigate some of these brand new situations. And for me, I was a first time parent too. And so it was important for me to include. extra info for those of us who maybe don’t have that context and don’t understand, this whole other world of parenting that we’re just being introduced to for the first time. Amy: that’s so true. that was not how I came into foster parenting. I had parented for 12 plus years, and then brought in kids, and so I think. That’s a really good insight that you have into that because there are so many foster parents who have never parented before, and I wouldn’t have even considered that. So I love that you have that consideration and that perspective. Laura: Thank you. Amy: So let’s talk about when someone is like, I am in over my head. What am I doing? They grab your book. What should they do with that book? Laura: Okay. So if they’re already in a place where they’ve said yes, and they’re like in over their head, then I think going straight to part two, which is the middle of the book, the crux of the book, and that is all of the interventions and things you can do within your home, because that the end of the day, is what we can control. Amy: For sure. We’re not waiting on a therapist. We’re not waiting on this or that. Laura: Yeah, there’s so much of foster care and foster parenting that we have no control over, and it can be really frustrating and disheartening as well. And so I wanted to provide as much information as possible of things we can control. Which is our caregiving. It’s our day-to-day life with children in our home. And so what I would encourage someone to do if they’re feeling overwhelmed, is to go to part two. And, part two opens up some of the foundational parenting skills of foster parents where we talk about. I hate the word basics. I need a better word for that, but it’s the starting point of what we do. And that starts with, you know, points of connection, instilling trust and bonding with our kids and different ways to do that. And then, you could also go to a very specific place, maybe you’re struggling with finding foods that they will eat or they’re up a lot at night. You could go to that very specific chapter, to help you and brainstorm some fresh ideas if you’re stuck. Amy: tell us how you came up with all the different topics. Like you’re saying the, the section two has these tangible ways to help. How did you come up with those specific topics? Laura: I, spent many years listening to the community and there is definitely themes that come up and, in my previous career life I was in, consumer market research. I was a moderator and focus groups and qualitative research. And pulling insights from community members is something that I have naturally done professionally. And so it was very interesting to me to see. What was coming up over and over and over again. And I would even ask what’s the basic skill that you’re doing in your house every single day? And I would hear from thousands of people. And so it was really just narrowing down like this is the key things that people are talking about. And obviously grounded in my personal experiences too, things that I’m doing on a day-to-day basis. I would hear about all the different parts of the day, this is troubling. Or this kid’s experience neglect and it’s impacting. every part of the day with different nuances, and so I tried to break it through to just be as practical as possible to meet you in those moments. Like here we are at the dinner table, I’ve met you there. Here’s some things you can think about. Amy: I love in your book, and this is I think the majority of your Instagram as well, are these script or these narratives or these role playing essentially, where you show what the kid might be doing and then you show what the caregiver, how they would respond. And I think those are really invaluable because you can tell someone, Hey, this is what it could look like. But when actually read or hear or see. See on your Instagram, someone role playing. It just clicks a little more and gives you a little more confidence to engage in that. Laura: Yeah, I was a little worried if that would translate to the page because I think, t

    26 min

  2. APR 7

    Still Standing

    In this powerful episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with former foster youth Carlos Rios Redd to talk about lived experience in foster care, sibling separation, adoption disruption, resilience, and hope. Carlos entered foster care as a baby, lived in more than ten homes, and experienced three adoptions. Despite repeated trauma and instability, Carlos shares how relationships, faith, and supportive families helped shape the life he leads today. Now married and working as a K9 handler with the Utah Highway Patrol, Carlos reflects on how growing up in foster care influenced his compassion, maturity, and commitment to service. His story offers meaningful insight for foster parents, youth currently in care, and professionals who work within the child welfare system. In this episode, we discuss: What it is like to grow up in foster care and experience multiple adoptions The impact of sibling separation and staying connected Reconnecting with biological siblings after years apart Being a permanent child in a fostering household Resilience, healing, and allowing yourself to be loved Advice for youth currently in foster care Why maintaining relationships matters long after placements end Carlos speaks honestly about trauma without bitterness and shares why he believes connection is one of the most powerful tools for healing. Resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about foster care in Utah: Utah Foster Care If you are a foster parent, considering fostering, or supporting youth in care, this episode offers perspective that is both grounding and hopeful. Transcript; Speaker: Join us for one of the most important aspects of foster care, former foster youth. Today we talk with Carlos who has gone through multiple homes and multiple adoption, and now he’s thriving. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have a former foster youth, Carlos Rios-Redd. Thanks for being with us today, Carlos. Carlos: thank you for the invitation. Glad to be here. Amy: Yeah, we’re so excited to chat with you. I think this is one of the most important sides of foster care to discuss is the lived experience. So would you just introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your story? Carlos: My name’s Carlos Rios-Redd shred. I grew up in foster care through the system about at a year old, and then lived through, 10 homes within 10 years and been adopted three different times. And, I guess left the system through adoption at the age of 14, but really never left because we always had kids coming into our home as well. So I was able to see both sides of the spectrum on, on the foster care system. Amy: Yeah. So you’ve been, had the lived experience and also had then youth come into your home as the permanent sibling, so that’s awesome. So tell us a little bit about, I think it’s very unusual and honestly unfortunate that you were adopted three different times. Are you able to tell us a little bit about that? Carlos: Sure. Yeah. So the first adoption was coming from California to Utah to Blanding where our family brought us over. And we were with them for about two years and there was a lot of abuse that happened within the home. And one day they decided that they didn’t want us anymore, my brother and I, and left us at the DCFS office. Our caseworker came in and said, Hey, we gotta find you a home by the end of the day for you guys to move into. We’re gonna go gather your things because these parents don’t want you at the home anymore. So we’re gonna try to figure things out. Amy: adopted at that Yeah. Carlos: Legally adopted. It was about two years with the so we made it from. it was about 2005 when we moved over to Blanding here in Utah. Amy: And then Okay. Carlos: it was Amy: 2007. So then what did that look like? Do you remember being at that? Do, you were young, but do you remember being at that office or do you Carlos: remember I do. Yeah. So specifically that day, the office, they have a like a child’s room where they have the TV and the toys or whatever, and our caseworker just said, Hey, go in here, we’re gonna talk with your parents. And in my head, it was one of just general meetings that they have after adoption just to make sure things are going good. And then the next thing you know, we get told we are moving to a different house. Amy: Holy. Carlos: cow. Amy: then you guys go to another foster home? Carlos: Yep. We go through another foster home and then another foster home. And then we landed in a place where we were there for about two and a half years. And that was probably the first time ever felt that a family loved my brother and I. And we got really close with them. And then unfortunately, the judge said, you’re taking too much time with these kids and we’re gonna remove them and put ’em in a different home. Amy: Oh my goodness. Okay. So that one wasn’t the foster family’s Carlos: No, that was the judge’s decision. Amy: Wow, Carlos: Yeah, and to my understanding is that it was just because the parents wanted to do a guardianship instead of a full adoption and the judge didn’t like that idea and so they removed us from the home. Amy: Oh my goodness. Okay, so then you’ve reentered foster care again. Carlos: So then we moved to a different home, which brought us up to Brigham City from the south east corner. So totally opposite ends of the state. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: Yes. We were only there for six months and then things weren’t going well there. Amy: They did? Carlos: No, it was very quick on how they did it and came and picked us up and brought us back down to Blanding after the six months. Amy: Holy cow. And is that where your permanent home? Carlos: No, that, No. Amy: oh my gosh. Carlos: And so then there was another home after that, which was with a previous family that we, or he had been with. Amy: Okay. Carlos: So we were familiar with them. And then came our second adoptive family. Which I, at the time was really good friends with one of their kids. Amy: Okay. Carlos: Okay. and they’re good people. So this isn’t anything to say they’re bad ’cause they’re not. Almost everyone that I’ve ever lived with, I am on very good terms with. Amy: That’s amazing. Carlos: So we went to their home and we’re with them. how old was I? I was probably about, I think I was 10. And we were with them for maybe a year to a year and a half, somewhere around there. And then they had the idea to reconnect us with our family in California. Amy: Okay. Carlos: And so we went down there for Christmas, I don’t recall the year, but for Christmas, and spent Christmas with them and was able to see my sister and my mom, and reconnect that way. And then they said, we would like for you guys to spend the rest of the school year there and we’ll come back in May, June, whenever the school year ends and bring you back home. Just so that way we could just have that relationship with your biological family. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: And then things would’ve fallen out with that, with kind of some financial support or just in general just talking with them. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: And it’s sparked kind of an investigation or a curiosity with my brother and he got into my sister’s phone and saw messages that patients have seen. Yeah, that caused a lot of legal trouble for that family. Amy: For the adoptive family? Carlos: Yes. For the adoptive family. And they were getting charged with child neglect and child abandonment, because there was really no intention for them to come back and get us. Amy: Sure. Carlos: Which again, I haven’t been able to see the fully disclosed like the documents of the court which I’ve been trying to get, but the GRAMA request isn’t. Amy: I’m sure. Carlos: They’re being hard with that. But just speaking with several people was I don’t think their intentions were bad. I think the intentions was like, let’s get these kids back with their family if they’d like. But with the charges going on and them potentially facing jail time, my now family said these are good people. Don’t charge them. We’ll take the kids. Drop the charges. And that’s what they did. They dropped the charges and everything with that adoptive family and my brother, they came and picked us up June 4th of 2012, 6 in the morning. I remember I was staying with my sister. Six in the morning they picked us up and we drove all the way back in a day to Blanding and moved in with the Reds now, my adoptive family. And then after a little bit my brother returned to a previous family that we had lived with and was adopted by them. And so his last name is Black and my last name is Redd. Amy: That worked out. Carlos: it’s funny. I like to tell that. So a lot of stuff happened within all those families that we lived in. And again, like I said, I don’t have no hard feelings against any of the families that I’ve ever lived with. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: Which is really incredible because you really shouldn’t have been bounced around that much. Amy: Yeah. But unfortunately it is your life experience. Carlos: Yeah. I mean honestly, looking back, I would not give it up because I think it’s made me to who I am today. Amy: That’s amazing. That is an incredible perspective. So tell us a little bit about what it was like being with your biological family. How did that, like how was reconnecting with them initially when you were 10 or so years old? Carlos: It was weird to start off with. Amy: Because really they’re strangers, right? Carlos: Yeah. The last time I saw them was when I was five. I’m the baby of seven. Out of biological siblings I have half siblings and a couple full siblings. And I never really got reconnected with the two older siblings very much. I don’t, and I still don’t really know them very well. But the others I’m very cl

    26 min

  3. MAR 10

    Reunification

    In Episode 69, Amy Smith sits down with longtime foster and adoptive mom Crystal Dukes for a heartfelt conversation about the real purpose of foster care: reunification. Crystal shares her family’s journey fostering more than 30 children, adopting through both private adoption and foster care, and developing deep, lasting relationships with biological families. This episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it truly means to support reunification even when it’s challenging, emotional, and full of unknowns. What We Discuss • Why reunification is the primary goal of foster care • Crystal’s early experiences as a new foster parent and the mindset shift she had to make • The story of two young brothers placed in her home and how their mother’s gratitude changed everything • Navigating a Safe Haven baby placement and ultimately adopting her youngest son • Maintaining meaningful relationships with biological families long after reunification • The emotional complexity of children moving between homes • How foster families can cheerlead, support, and build trust with parents • A multi‑year case that transformed into a true village of caregivers • Advice for new or prospective foster parents • Why openness, compassion, and connection benefit everyone involved Key Takeaways • Foster care works best when caregivers approach it as a team effort with biological families. • Kids thrive when they can remain connected to parents, grandparents, and others who love them. • Reunification can be challenging but often leads to beautiful, long‑term relationships. • Supporting parents and honoring their role makes the experience healthier for children. • The more people loving a child, the better. Resources Mentioned Learn more about foster care in Utah at: https://www.utahfostercare.org About Our Guest Crystal Dukes is a former foster parent, adoptive mom, and advocate for reunification. Over seven years she and her husband cared for approximately 30 children, building ongoing relationships with many of the families they supported. Her compassionate, connection‑driven approach provides valuable insight for anyone exploring foster care. Listen & Subscribe New episodes of Fostering Conversations are released regularly. Subscribe on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss a conversation that matters. Transcript: Speaker: On today’s episode, we’ll be talking to a former foster adoptive mom about reunification. The entire goal of foster care is to reunify the kids in our home join us. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Crystal Dukes, who is a foster and adoptive mom, and we are so glad to chat with her today. Thanks for being here, Crystal. Crystal: Thank you so much for having me. Amy: So we wanna just start off by letting our audience know who you are. So tell us a little bit about yourself. my name’s Crystal Jewkes like Amy said, and,My husband and I have been married for 27 years, and we have four kids of our own. We’ve had about 30 kids in and out of our homes, many of which we’re still, in contact with in one way or another. and it’s been a while. we were foster parents for seven years. our older kids actually are adopted and that’s what put got us, interested in foster care is to it, to go that route. Okay. Yeah. So you guys had adopted domestically or internationally? Privately, essentially. And then did foster care Crystal: an agency here. Yep. Amy: Okay. Okay, cool. So you’ve experienced both situations of adoption. That’s awesome. That’s really neat. So today’s podcast, we wanna focus on reunification. So we’ll start with that. The goal of foster care is to reunify these kids, right? We want them to go home, but what has your experience been while working towards reunification with the kids that have come through your home? Crystal: I actually absolutely love this topic because, we have to go into it that way, or it’s, makes it so much harder. And for everyone. And that is the number one most important thing, whether you’re open to adopting or just fostering, that is absolutely so important to understand. especially anyone who’s listening who is just interested in foster care, that’s the biggest thing. but to be honest, we got into it to adopt Amy: Yeah, which a lot of families do. Crystal: To be honest,we were newbies. We didn’t really know what we were. Doing, and we wanted more kids and wanted to adopt more kids. And we thought that, foster care would be a good way to do that. And so we were quickly told, that’s not what this is for. and Amy: Right. I said, okay. I said, okay, we’ll see. Yeah. Crystal: and we got a call fairly quickly about a week after, and, And asked if we would take two little boys, and they were ages three and four and barely three. He had just barely turned three. And so really it was, they were quite young. And they came and dropped him off at our house with a can of seven up in their hands with nothing else. And, but they were fine. They were. Came in and we went to a baseball game of my son’s that night, and I just getting to know ’em and feeding them and, it seemed like a play date for them, I think at Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and then we started really figuring things out and, That was a really, it was a tough time because they were adorable little boys, but they were really hard little boys. However, that first week, When we were gonna have a quick meeting with the, their mom and she was gonna have a visit. I took them to the store and I said, okay, pick your mom’s favorite drink and then pick your mom’s favorite candy bar. And so they picked something pink andI’m like, they told me it was your favorite. And Amy: Yeah, exactly. Crystal: But the moment, I was a little nervous. I didn’t know what I was gonna see on the other side of the door, and we walked in and she immediately got up and gave me a hug and said, thank you so much for taking care of my babies. and we, so we had brought her little gifts and I had brought her all the pictures I had taken and I had, had ’em, made them a little book for her so that she had some pictures of what we did that week, whether it was going to get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s or playing in the backyard or whatever. And just so she could see that they were being taken care of. Amy: And she, to this day, 13, 14 years later, she still tells that story and she te still tells me how grateful she was. and it really did break the ice for us. Crystal: made me instantly love her Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and it made me instantly Amy: And humanize her that these really are her kids. Crystal: they’re her, kids. Yes. And humanize her and be a cheerleader for her. So from then on we were. We actually grew quite close the whole time. with good boundaries, we were all safe. She did have a pretty good support system, with her family. But it had gotten to the point where we can’t save you anymore. You’ve gotta, hurt a little bit so your kids are going to foster care. Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and so we had them for nine months. And during that nine month or six, in six months into the nine months, we got another call. And this one was for, a Safe Haven baby that it was the first in 25 years Amy: Yeah. That’s very Crystal: in the county. And so everyone was standing around going, we don’t know what to do. Amy: Right? Crystal: And so they knew I was after that and our caseworker called and said, there’s a baby that’s been dropped off. And Amy: Wow. Crystal: so we, it was the day after Christmas actually, Amy: Oh wow. Crystal: and we went and we picked him up and he was totally healthy and. Great. and we adopted him. So he stayed with us and we don’t really know anything about his parentage or anything, but, we’ve done the DNA stuff and nothing yet, but we’ll Amy: yeah. Wow, that’s interesting. Crystal: So these cute little boys that we had, they, they still view him as their little brother because he Amy: I love that. Yes, Crystal: they were there. So it was cute. Amy: adorable. Crystal: It was really cute when they were there, but, I was so grateful for that experience because we were in it to foster, to adopt and be done. And after the fact, it was a wonderful reunion. the day they were, in fact, actually. I think this week is their anniversary of going home and after nine months they were, they went home in March and that court day was really special and she was so grateful. Amy: By the end she was having Sunday dinner with us I love that. Crystal: and and to this day we still have girls’ nights and her sisters and her and me, we go out and have dinner. Amy: That’s so awesome. Crystal: We see the boys every once in a while, but they’re, they, one of them just graduated. The other one is getting ready to graduate from high school. And so it’s, it was a really hard and great experience and I learned so much from her and what, my part really was in being a foster parent. And so after it was all over and we were like. we’re not ready to be done because we still love you and you still love us, so we’re gonna, Amy: Keep going. Crystal: have some, at least some communication and contact. But after my husband and I were talking and we were like, are we done? And after and after we adopted the baby, my youngest, we thought maybe we’d be done. And we’re like, it was such an amazing. Miraculous experience to be a part of putting another family, supporting and helping put another family back together that we decided to stay. we kept going and we did a lot of crisis and respite from then on. But,it’s so weird how this timing has happened because. Just the other night. we had a set of twins that were, a few months older than my youngest and they came to us when they were two. So I had like triplets, Amy: Ye

    25 min

  4. FEB 10

    Mentorship Program

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Michelle Ostmark, the Statewide Mentoring Coordinator for Utah Foster Care, to discuss the Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and why it matters. Michelle explains how the program pairs experienced foster parents with new or existing foster and kinship families to provide guidance, emotional support, and real-life insight throughout the fostering journey. From navigating first placements and court processes to coping with reunification, burnout, and self-care, mentors help ensure families don’t feel alone. The conversation highlights how mentoring builds community, strengthens placements, and improves outcomes for children by supporting the adults who care for them. Michelle also shares how the program began, its statewide growth, success stories, and how former foster parents can continue giving back as mentors—even if they’re no longer licensed. Learn how to request a mentor or become one at: https://utahfostercare.org/foster-parent-resources/mentors/ Transcript:  Welcome to Fostering Conversations. On today’s episode, we’ll be talking about the statewide Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and its importance to our Utah foster families. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Michelle Ostmark, who is the statewide mentoring coordinator for Utah Foster Care. Thanks for joining us, Michelle. Michelle: Thank you for having me. Amy: So we’re excited to talk about the mentoring program. It is part of Utah Foster Care and available to all of our foster families in the state of Utah. Is that correct? Michelle: It’s also available to kinship families that have gone through the licensing process or have started the licensing Amy: which is awesome. I think kinship, all foster families need support, but kinship have an added layer of need of support, so I love that you’ve included that now. Michelle: Yeah. I think it’s important that they also have support for the children that are coming into their home. They have the same. Needs that any other child coming into care have, and they just have an extra dynamic of having a personal relationship with the biological families. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. So let’s just start by what is the mentoring program? Michelle: So the mentoring program is designed to pair a seasoned foster family with a new or existing family that needs additional support, or. Resources in each of their communities. We gear it towards new families just so that as they’re starting their foster care journey, they’re able to have somebody that they can call and gather information from, learn what’s appropriate, what’s not, questions to ask as they’re getting placements in their home, um, when they’re struggling, when there’s. exciting news for a child or their family, they have somebody that they can share those things with. Yeah. So that they’re not feeling alone. Amy: I love that because I think back to when I started fostering and I didn’t know like anything, like you just like you get trained. But then you forget what you’re doing and then a kid shows up and you’re like, wait, what am I doing again? Yeah. Michelle: Yeah. And I think our training is amazing, Amy: It is. It’s beautiful. Michelle: But like during that process, you go through the training and then you wait for your licensing and approval, and oftentimes there’s a few months that pass by. Yeah. And so all of that training that you’ve had, you’re super excited. But once you get that call for that child, all of that training and all of that, just go. Goes right out the window. And so foster families often panic because they don’t know what the next step is. And yeah, what do I do now? Who do I call? Why do these children have all of these appointments? And so having somebody that’s calling in and checking on them and making sure that they, have some. Support and somebody that has actually been down that road before them. They have lived experience that they can offer, advice and support for, and sometimes we have new foster families that have never parented before, so they don’t know who to call for medical appointments, dental appointments. And so having a mentor that is in their area, they’re able to, give them. A list of providers that they can possibly take the children to and just prepare them for what to expect during those Amy: Yeah, No, I think that’s so important to have that access to somebody that knows. And if nothing else, the fostering journey is so unique. You need someone that understands what you are doing and can tell you, yeah, that’s totally normal. Yes, I know. It’s absolutely wild what you’re enduring, but, yep. Sounds about normal. Michelle: Yeah. I think that, when we start this journey as foster adoptive families or kinship families you have a certain idea of what it’s going to be like, but once you step into that role, it’s nothing like that. Nothing like that. And so, just having somebody that you can talk to, that you can vent to is so important. Yeah. Our friends and our families in our personal life, often are very supportive, right when we start this journey. But because of the confidentiality that we have to maintain for the children that are coming into our home, and not just for them but for their biological families, um, we’re not able to share this stuff. Yeah. With. our personal friends and family where a mentor signs a confidentiality form that has been approved through DCFS that allows them to talk to these foster families in depth. They can talk to ’em about their court cases, visitation, anything that’s going on with the children, so that helps them get additional insight and how to best support the families. Amy: Yeah. I think that’s really important for mentors and the families that are getting mentored to know, is that they can talk about that information with each other, Michelle: And mentors can also attend child and family team meetings, because they’re, again, signing another confidentiality form. Their role will be a little bit different because they’re there to support the foster family, so they’re not there to offer insight or ideas or suggestions on the case just to help be a support to the foster family and help them understand. Why some of those things are being put in place for the children or for the families of the children so that they can have a little bit of support as they move forward with the case. think Amy: really valid. I remember as a foster parent, I would, after the family and team meetings, I would talk to the casa that was assigned to my foster child at the time. And it was just so nice to have somebody that knew what was going on. ’cause it was, you just, there’s not very many people who know what’s going on. And so it was just nice to have somebody. That could listen and be there. And yes, she was the advocate for the child, but it was just nice to have another adult to speak with. And so I think that’s what the mentoring program really Michelle: Yeah. It’s offering the support for our families that are providing the care for these children that are coming into the foster care system. They’re getting a ton of support. Their families are getting a ton of support, to help with reunification. But then our foster families are left going, where do I fit into all of this? So mentors also help with, all of those feelings with reunification. Why am I so sad? Why do these children need to go home? Why is the goal reunification? And if reunification doesn’t happen and it moves towards adoption, it’s helping them with that process as well. Yeah. So our mentors are designed to stay with a new family from the time that they are first licensed through their first placement. And then if they need additional support and help and they wanna keep ’em on longer, they can. We also offer it to existing families that are just struggling with like a new case that is really difficult and they just need, some additional support. So our whole goal is to build that village around our foster families so that they have people that can understand exactly what they’re going through, have already been through some of these difficult. Issues and can empathize with them in a way that other people can’t. We work really closely with the resource family consultants as well. Because they’re also a good support for our families. Yeah. But again, unless they’ve lived this right, they don’t have the lived experience to Amy: and they’re also supporting so many families. There’s 10, ish per region probably, and. They’re dealing with a lot of families. So mentors tell us how many families one mentor would take on. Michelle: mentors can take between one and eight families on their caseload. Their goal is to reach out to the family, one to four times a month. answer phone calls from the family to offer support if the family. Needs them. They don’t have to wait for the mentor to call them. Right. They’re able to call the mentor anytime. And in addition to that, if they’re unable to reach their mentor at any time, they also get my contact information. Yeah. And can contact me with questions and then I can guide them through whatever needs to happen in that moment. So Mentors are great for crisis situations. They can help find respite resources in the community, like again, like doctors, dentists, therapists, things like that. Yeah. They mentor each other and I help mentor them as well as a former foster, adoptive mom. And we make sure that, again, they have additional training to help support these families as needs arrive. Amy: I love that. Michelle: Tell Amy: Tell us a little bit about why and how the mentoring program was born. Michelle: So the mentoring program started. Nine years ago, we started researching throughout A

    26 min

  5. JAN 13

    Trust-Based Relational Intervention

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Terumi Sagers, TBRI Specialist for Utah Foster Care, longtime foster parent, and adoptive parent. Together, they unpack the foundations of Trust‑Based Relational Intervention (TBRI)—a relationship‑centered, trauma‑informed caregiving approach developed by Dr. Karen Purvis and Dr. David Cross. This conversation is filled with real‑life examples, practical tools, and compassionate insights for foster parents, kinship caregivers, educators, and anyone raising children—because, as Terumi explains, TBRI works for all humans, not just those with trauma backgrounds. Episode Summary Terumi shares her extensive experience fostering, adopting, and training caregivers for over 15 years. She explains the three core TBRI principles—Connecting, Empowering, and Correcting—and why trust must be rebuilt from a “negative starting point” for many children who enter care. You’ll hear: How simple, consistent connection builds safety Why correcting behavior isn’t effective until trust is established How sensory needs, movement, nutrition, and hydration affect behavior Practical examples caregivers can implement today Clear guidance on where families (foster or not) can access TBRI training This episode is a comforting mix of vulnerability, practical strategy, and hope for caregivers navigating the complexities of trauma‑impacted parenting. Guest Terumi Sagers TBRI Specialist, Utah Foster Care 20 years as a foster parent • Adoptive parent • Trainer and practitioner Key Topics Covered 1. What Is TBRI? A trauma‑informed parenting philosophy centered on trust‑building and relational connection. Originally developed for children with trauma histories, but now shown to benefit all children and even adult relationships. 2. Why Trust Starts Below Zero Children in care often enter new homes with trauma, loss, and disrupted attachment. Caregivers must focus on connection to help kids reach “zero” before growth can begin. 3. The Three TBRI Principles Connecting: Relationship‑building through presence, attunement, and positive interactions. Empowering: Meeting physical and sensory needs (movement, hydration, blood sugar, calm environments). Correcting: Teaching life skills and addressing behavior after safety and connection are in place. 4. Real‑World Examples A withdrawn teen reconnecting through daily small affirmations. A family eliminating after‑school meltdowns simply by offering protein snacks and water right after pickup. 5. Training Opportunities Utah Foster Care’s 8‑class TBRI Caregiver Series (20 hours). Community resources including My Healing Home, Raise the Future, and online courses from TCU. 6. Becoming a TBRI Practitioner A rigorous process including 10 weeks of study, an intensive adult attachment interview, and a 5‑day immersive training. Resources Mentioned Books: The Connected Child and The Connected Parent by Dr. Karen Purvis Training: UtahFosterCare.org → TBRI Caregiver Series Community Providers: My Healing Home • Raise the Future Online Learning: TCU’s TBRI 101 resources Notable Quotes “When you choose to become a parent, you choose how you spend your time. You can front‑load it with connection—or spend it all correcting.” “Our kids aren’t starting at zero. They’re starting at negative.” “Even as adults, we can keep using these principles to strengthen our relationships.” Learn More Visit UtahFosterCare.org to explore TBRI trainings, resources, and support opportunities. Transcript Episode 67: Trust-Based Relational Intervention Amy: On today’s episode, we’ll be talking to Terumi from Utah Foster Care about TBRI principles. This is a parenting strategy for anybody, parenting kids with trauma or anyone with kids in the home. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have as our guest, Terumi Sagers, who is the TBRI specialist for Utah Foster Care. Welcome, Terumi. Terumi: Thank you. Thank you for having me Amy: . So you are the specialist. You’ve been teaching for a while. Tell us a little bit about yourself. So listeners just have a little bit of background. Terumi: So my husband and I were foster parents for 20 years fostered and did respite for. A long time. We also adopted three of our four children from the foster care system, and I have been with Utah Foster Care for coming up on 15 years now, working on the training team. Amy: so you are more than qualified is what I hear. Terumi: I would hope so. Amy: I love that. That’s amazing. So tell us let’s just start from the beginning. What is TBRI? Terumi: So TBRI stands for trust-Based Relational Intervention and it is a parenting philosophy based out of research done by Dr. Karen Purvis and Dr. David Cross out of TCU. Amy: so I’ve taken the TBR trainings as a foster parent. Something I always wonder, I don’t. Know, so I’m asking is TBRI only for kids with trauma or can it be used to parent any type of child? Terumi: I love that question because when we first learned about it, it was in the context of working with kids that have experienced trauma or have had toxic levels of stress. But as the research has gone on. They have realized this works for all kids. This works in other relationships as well. And I have had families come through TBRI training and say, I don’t have any kids in my home, but I’ve been doing this with my coworkers, or I’ve been doing this with my spouse and this works everywhere. And I love that. The reality is, yes, it works everywhere with everyone. Amy: Yeah. And why is that? Maybe give us like a very small, I know TBRI is very intense and has so many layers, but can you give us like a little bit of a nutshell overview of what the basis of it is for listeners that maybe don’t know what it is. Terumi: So we go back to that name, trust-based relational intervention, that we build trust in relationships, and that helps us have influence on behaviors of others. And when we put that relationship at the forefront and connecting with people on a really basic level, they feel that safety with us, and it allows us to then empower them. It allows us to correct behaviors when we need to because they know they can trust us. Amy: Yeah. Some of the, the basic things that I remember when I took the training years ago or, or is when one of the. activities, during the training is they have a pretend hurt essentially, and you ask, where is your hurt? May I put a bandaid on it? And I, I think it really is so basic. You’re just doing these basic things of like you say. Building trust and with, especially with kids with trauma they don’t have that on any foundational level. And so starting with these really simple bandaid activities, makes them start being more comfortable and being able to trust their caregivers. Terumi: Yeah. When we think about trust, we tend to think starting maybe at zero and going forward, but our kids in care have had traumas to the level that you’re not starting at zero. You’re starting at negative. Amy: Yeah. That’s interesting. I hadn’t thought about that. Terumi: time to get to zero. And so all of these activities, all of the strategic things that were being very intentional about teaching are to get you to zero to then start going forward in that relationship. Amy: Yeah, and I think as a caregiver or a parent, that can be overwhelming because first of all, we want instant results, right? We want kids to just be amazing and trust us and obey and do everything. That would be amazing, but. And that’s just not reality for any child, but I think having that perspective of, you’re trying to even just get to zero, I think that’s a really good perspective for caregivers to think about. I had never thought about that before, so I really like that. Terumi: Yeah, when you have a baby that is born to you from the moment. Even in the womb, you are doing things that they learn to, Hey, this person’s taking care of me. I can trust and I’m safe. When a child just lands on your doorstep, they don’t know you. They don’t know. That you can be trusted in any way. And sometimes we forget that because we think everything that was in the past is in the past. But trauma doesn’t go away the moment they hit your doorstep. Amy: You just added another pile on actually. Terumi: This is an additional trauma Amy: Correct. Yeah. Terumi: now I’m living with. Hopefully if we’re able to find kinship providers, someone I know at least, otherwise, being placed on the doorstep of well-intentioned Total strangers. Amy: know I, when I explain foster care to people, I, I say, think of how many people you have. If you and your spouse were unavailable to take care for your kids. The list is probably long, right? Kids in foster care, literally there’s no list, so they’re coming to a stranger’s house and it is. Like still, to me it’s so mind boggling to think, wow, we have this many kids and this many adults really in the state of Utah and in the country that they have no one. And so their kids are going to strangers when they’re in a terrible situation. That’s really sad. Terumi: Yes. As hard as it is to be in that stressful situation, having someone you can count on helps buffer that stress and these kids. Haven’t had someone that could count on and in fact have been hurt in relationships where they should have been kept safe. Amy: Yeah. Terumi: And so it puts you again at that deficit below zero because moms aren’t necessarily safe or dads aren’t necessarily safe. And now I have a mom and a dad. I have no history that tells me I can trust them. Amy: Yeah. I remember the first night we got our now adopted daughter. She was 14 months and it was the middle of the night and a caseworker brought her in a car seat and I. Came outside, took her out of the car

    28 min

  6. 12/09/2025

    Compassion in Action

    Podcast: Fostering Conversations Host: Amy Smith Guest: Dave, Owner of Dave’s Auto Episode Summary In this heartfelt episode, Amy sits down with Dave Bell from Dave’s Auto Center to discuss his incredible journey of giving back to the community through Utah Foster Care and other charitable initiatives. Dave shares the deeply personal story of his mother’s childhood in an orphanage, how that shaped his values, and why supporting foster families and children is so meaningful to him. From partnering with Mountain America Credit Union to organizing a massive community Christmas event, Dave’s passion for service shines through every story. Key Topics Covered Dave’s Background: From starting his auto shop in a storage unit to building a successful business over 36 years. Personal Connection: How his mother’s experience as an orphan inspired his commitment to foster care. The Power of Service: Why giving back changes lives—both for those who receive and those who give. Community Christmas Event: Details about the annual Family Community Christmas in Farmington, serving thousands of families with food, clothing, toys, and holiday cheer. Encouragement for Listeners: Practical ways to get involved and make a lasting impact during the holiday season. Memorable Quotes “Service is a dividend that pays double.” – Dave “Be careful what you fill your mind with—your life depends on it.” – Dave “One caring adult can make all the difference.” – Amy Resources & Links Utah Foster Care: utahfostercare.org Family Community Christmas (Farmington, UT): December 20th at Farmington Fair Park Mountain America Credit Union: macu.com Call to Action Want to make this holiday season meaningful? Join the Family Community Christmas event or support foster families in your area. Your time and kindness can change lives. Transcript: Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Dave with Dave’s Auto, Thank you so much for joining our podcast today. We’re excited to chat with you. Dave: I’m happy to be here. Thank you. Amy: So let’s start off by just introducing yourself, you know, what’s a little bit of your background and how did you get involved with Utah Foster Care? Dave: my background is, I’ve been a mechanic my whole life since I was 15. So that’s 50 years now. And I started the business here in Utah in 1990. So we’re starting our 36th year this year. And started in a storage unit in the dead of winter with no heat. And Lord, I’ve been very blessed. So that’s a little bit about me and where I came from and why I’ve gotta shop. Mountain American Credit Union came to me last year, a little before Christmas, and asked me to collaborate with them with Utah Foster Care. And I was so honored to do it, and they didn’t even know it. They just came to me because they wanted a a working kind of guy to be part of their ad campaign and everything. And then through, meeting the people and you know, talking to Utah foster care and everything a story came up and that story is probably why this is so near and dear to me, but no one knew that. But it’s unusual how people will get put in your life or you’ll get put in people’s lives and then it’s an answer to somebody’s prayer. You know, for me it’s an answer to my prayer ’cause I can give back. I’ve been so blessed in my life. And I hope that in some way that benefits Utah Foster care. So there’s a story there, and I don’t know whether you want that Amy: Yeah let’s just dive right in so that our listeners aren’t on the edge of their sheets like I am. Dave: Okay I’ll try to get through this. I’ve yeah, it’s an emotional story. okay. So my mother, God rest her soul. It was an orphan. So I’m looking for a tissue and of course in the mechanic shop, I got a shop rag here. Okay. Not really. Alright okay, I got that outta the way. Okay. My dear sweet mother, God rest her soul was the one of the finest women I ever knew, but she was an orphan. Now. I don’t know this, and I’m wondering when , the foster program kind of started in America. My mother was born in Ohio. She was put in an orphanage. This would’ve been back in 1940. Amy: Okay. Dave: She was put in an orphanage in Ohio and she lived her life there until my father married her and they were together for 56 years. Amy: Wow. Dave: Now I didn’t know why my mother, my whole life, I did not know why my mother went into an orphanage. I just, even growing up, I never knew. I never knew. I just didn’t know. And about a month or two before she passed away, she revealed to me how she ended up in an orphanage at six years old. And it’s amazing. You know how that shaped her life in a way. And I’m sure she’s not here to defend her. Not that she has to, but my mother never had the opportunity to be taught what a mother was. And but yet, My mother was a woman that had an apron on and I come home from school and there was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me and somebody to talk to. And she told me that I, when she passed and I asked her, how’d you end up being such a great mom? And ’cause she really was four children and plus my dad, which, okay, that was five children. She was a good mother and I think what it did is since she didn’t have a mother, She went the extra mile and she made sure that she was. The best mother. I remember speaking to women that came to her funeral that spoke about how she had inspired them to be better women and better mothers. And so anyway, my point of that was is to tell the people that are being foster care parents. My mother had some very nice things to say about the people that were in the orphanage. She never, you know, she, I can’t remember the lady’s name, but the mother of the orphanage, the head mother was a very kind woman. She wasn’t cruel or anything. She was a very nice woman. And my mother she taught her how to, my mother learned how to sew and cruise che and knit and meet, you know, all that stuff. And you know, for all our grandkids and everything, she would always be making booties and little sweaters and stuff like that. And so I think of that as what foster parents give to all these children that, for some reason or another, my mother did tell me why she and this is not an unusual story, probably, you know, my mother I’ll, I will tell this because she told me this she was put in an orphanage because during that time her mother was so poor. Then her mother turned to prostitution, Amy: Yeah. Dave: To take care of, you know, to feed herself. This was back in 1940 and America was a very, if you were poor, there wasn’t a whole lot of safety nets for you. And so my mother was taken by the state and put in an orphanage and she never got out of that. And and so I, you know, my heart goes out to a lot of these children. Amy: Yeah. Dave: They have to be removed from a home because their parents, it’s not that they’re making a bad decision it’s sometimes they don’t have another decision to make or, you know, things happen. And any way that I can help those children and these parents it’s one of me and my wife’s great goals. We all, we are my youngest son who’s 25, has autism the foster care community and the autism community is very dear to me. I think there’s a lot of kids with developmental disabilities in the foster care Amy: are. Dave: and Yeah. And the people that, gosh, you know, there’s angels all over the world and a lot of ’em were foster parents. Amy: A lot of them are foster parents. You’re right. And a lot of ’em are people like you who care and give back in incredible ways. So thank you for sharing kind of the. The hidden story behind why you do give back and why you do work with Utah foster care and have such a passion for caring for kids in need, and the foster parents that are taking care of them. That’s really neat. So I, I didn’t know that backstory, so thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable. That’s beautiful. Thank you. Dave: I tell you, if your editors hear this and say, gosh we gotta get that over again without him sobbing and. Just, I’ll do it over Amy: Nope. We don’t want that. We want the real deal. So thank you. Dave: Okay. Amy: that I love about it too is that you talk about, you know, your grandmother was. Was an incredible woman too, and she was doing what was best for her daughter, which was protecting her from a life of poverty and what she had to turn to. And a lot of kids in foster care are exposed to these really dangerous environments and these poverty environments where they cannot be provided for. And so I think having that compassion for these kids and for what they’ve experienced and them being placed in. Beautiful foster homes, but also that’s such a crappy situation, right? No one deserves to be raised in a foster home, but for their protection they have to be sometimes. So I think that’s a really neat parallel that you have. Dave: Yeah. It, you know, I was 58 years old before I knew the real story of why my mother was in it for, she kept Amy: Yeah. Wow. Dave: because she didn’t wanna put that on her mother. And I think as a mother. She went through hard times. My father was in the Navy for 24 years, and he was an enlisted man, not an officer. My parent, we were poor, but she never, so she understood what poverty was, but she never blamed her mother for it. It was, it’s just another gold star on my mother’s forehead because of the woman that, you know, I see. I see her now to be. Amy: And I love that because, so I actually am a previous foster parent. We fostered for four years and I’ve worked for Utah Foster Care. We’ve adopted children and something that is actually quite mind boggling to a lot of people who haven’t fostered, but you just nailed it on the head, is that these kids love their parents no matter what

    26 min

  7. 11/11/2025

    Blocked Care

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith talks with Utah Foster Care clinical support specialist and LCSW Les Harris about blocked care: why it happens, how it impacts foster parents, and practical steps to restore connection. Les explains how chronic stress can suppress the parenting response system, making it difficult to feel joy or affection toward a child, even when we deeply care. They discuss what blocked care looks like, why it’s different from burnout, how small “doses” of positive interaction can rebuild connection, and why acceptance, playfulness, curiosity, and empathy are powerful tools for healing relationships. Resources mentioned in this episode Brain-Based Parenting by Daniel Hughes & Jonathan Baylin What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey Utah Foster Care Clinical Support Services Transcript: Amy: On today’s episode, we’re talking to Les Harris, a Utah foster care clinical support specialist, and LCSW about blocked care and how it affects foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Les Harris who works for Utah Foster Care as the clinical support specialist, and also is an LCSW. Welcome Les. Les: Thank you. Happy to be here. Amy: Today we’re excited to be talking about blocked care. Blocked care really affects foster parents, but it affects all parents. So will you give us the dumb down version of what blocked care is? Les: It’s one of those terms that’s relatively recent in the trauma informed literature, even though we know it’s been around forever. So it’s often used in, as you said, in foster care, adoptive care and in parenting in general. It’s a, it’s refers to the chronic stress that often comes with working with children with difficult emotions and behaviors, and forces the parent then to shut down emotionally and almost stop caring about the child. It’s and in other words, they no longer find joy in parenting, and that’s one of the most common outcomes where. Foster and adoptive parents, when they get pushed emotionally, their own parenting response system starts to shut down, and the next thing they know, they don’t even want to be around the child anymore. And so that’s the basic definition but there’s so much more to it in the context of why does that happen? What do I do about it when it happens? And so on and so forth. So we’ll probably get into to more of that as we go. Amy: Yeah, I know that when I started fostering, I had never heard that term. It was very interesting to me to learn about it from you and from different classes and things that I went to as a foster parent to, to understand that. So maybe we can just start, by talking about what are some of the reasons why a parent might be facing blocked care? Les: Yes. I think that’s important because once we have a bit of awareness about the underlying causes and why it’s happening, then it gives me at least some information I could use to, to change some things about my approach to parenting, some of the most difficult children that will ever encounter. So, Let me go back. I’m gonna get back to basics. Talk a little bit about. The idea that all humans, are born with an instinct, as we get older, particularly, and you can even see this in young children, but particularly as we start to get a certain age, we start to, that nurturing instinct starts to kick in. You can still see it with young children, but by the time you’re mid adolescents and going into adult, I’m driven to care for, or nurture, if you will. The young, and so I use as my most common example, when anyone goes to the grocery store and there’s a toddler or infant in the cart in front of them, we are drawn to , engage with that infant. We, we try to make them smile. We play peek-a-boo. We try to engage them in some nurturing interaction, and so that instinct is pretty strong in all of us. And so if you look at that idea that we have this instinct to nurture our young, which I call the parenting response system, that by the time we become parents is so strong, we actually love being around kids, and let’s all agree that kids drive us crazy from time to time, even under the healthiest and most happy of circumstances, right? We understand that. That there are challenges to parenting. There are challenges to caring for children in foster care and adoptive care. We’re going to agree on that, but that doesn’t change the fact that internal drive to nurture our young isn’t powerful. And in the end, after the turmoil and some of the challenges diminish. We kinda feel joy about being a parent. We love being around our kids and we have, we almost default back to the goodness of being a parent and the goodness of our children. So that parenting instinct, that parent response system gets suppressed when we have chronic stress, exposure to trauma over and over again without relief. And all of a sudden you start to shut down emotionally towards that child. And when I say you lose the joy of parenting that’s suppression, that suppression of the parent response system. And that’s why over the years I’ve been doing this 36 years. I can tell you that comments such as, I hate this child, or I don’t want to be around this child anymore. I don’t like this child. And even parents who will report, I purposely stay away from the home longer than necessary to avoid being around the child. That tells me there is blocked care happening. So that’s, the underlying. Foundation of why blocked care happens and how it continues, unless we, of course, learn ways to mitigate that. Amy: And I think from my experience, I’ve absolutely experienced block care. I didn’t know what it was like I said, until I. Became educated as a foster parent, but I’ve experienced it towards biological and adoptive children. And so I think it’s interesting. Blocked care is specific to a child, right? It’s not just you shut down as a parent, I can’t parent any of them. It’s no one out of my 20 children, I can’t parent currently, but the other 19, I’m just fine with. Les: And it, yes, it can be child specific and yes, it can happen to children who are born into the home. It doesn’t matter how the child gets there, if they are pushing those emotional buttons and overwhelming you emotionally, it starts to. Your parenting response system. So yes, absolutely true and often that’s one of the things that I guess the byproducts of block care is not only am I have, I lost the pleasure of being around a child or maybe multiple children, I. And start to feel guilty about it. What’s wrong with me? I start to shame myself. I’m a bad person. I’m a bad parent because I’m experiencing these thoughts and feelings in association with a particular child. Amy: Yeah. So how would a parent, if they’re listening or had heard of this before, how do you know it’s blocked care versus I don’t actually know what the alternative would be. Depression maybe, or other things like how do you know it’s actually blocked care? Or does it matter? Les: I can tell you that the progression of learning for and helping foster parents kinda get through some of these difficulties was we had terminology such as foster care, burnout and things like that in the past. And we would have training sessions how to prevent. Foster parent burnout. Now, burnout is clearly something that happens, or one of the things that happens because of blocked care. So blocked care is more universal, meaning it becomes more biologically based because it actually changes the way my genetic material is transmitting information to my system. I don’t wanna get too technical, but it’s very. Very brain-based. Once my brain goes into a protective mode, which is essentially what it is, the whole concept is my brain is trying to protect me from something that I think is either threatening or overwhelming or stressful. And that’s different than burnout, which is I’m just exhausted for doing, from doing so much by spending so much time and energy on something, I get burned out. But this is actual suppression of that, that, Amy: I didn’t realize that. Les: yeah. And so th that becomes, I think, probably more, I don’t wanna say dangerous, but certainly more chronic Amy: And probably harder to resolve. Les: And so we talk about it and we, over the years we’ve talked about foster parents self-care, do your exercise, read books, go relax, take vacations and all the things that, that help with burnout. But the truth is how do you restore That instinct, right? How do you get back to. parenting response system to being active enough where I love to be around my child again. That’s a hard, that’s a harder issue. Amy: So how would somebody know if that if they’re like, yeah, this is actual burnout and I need to do something, or I just need to go have a break and I’ll be fine again. Les: So the typical burnout or o foster care, the caring for the caregiver was another title we used, meaning if you do those strategies where I go. And let’s say I just have a friend and I go buy a Coke from Swig every once a week with them and it helps me take a break, and that seems to be. Amy: Enough. Les: Enough,and it seems to restore my confidence and I’m able to kinda be, feel rejuvenated enough to get through the week until I have those opportunities. And maybe you’re doing other things like relaxation, reading good books, listening to some soothing music in between. But the truth is, if that’s sustaining you, then typically it’s Not Amy: quite blocked care. Les: So it’s a deeper seated brain-based response to caring for challenging children. Amy: you essentially can’t just snap out of it or go grab a drink to to relieve yourself, Les: Yeah. Yeah. Amy: not an alcoholic drink. But okay. Perfect. Let’s focus on the blocked care. What would

    32 min

  8. 10/07/2025

    Building Care Communities

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes Utah’s First Lady Abby Cox to announce the statewide launch of the Care Communities program. After a successful two-year pilot with Utah Foster Care, Care Communities are expanding across the state to provide essential support for foster families and children in care. Abby shares how this initiative was born out of a desire to strengthen foster care in Utah and ensure that every child has a safe and supportive environment. The Care Communities model surrounds each foster family with 8–10 trained volunteers who provide emotional support, physical assistance, and trauma-informed care. This helps foster parents feel less isolated and ensures children in care have healthy, lasting connections with caring adults. Key highlights from this episode: Statewide Care Communities launch – a first-of-its-kind effort in Utah. The top three benefits foster families experience: emotional support, physical help, and positive impact on children. How Care Communities prevent burnout and keep families fostering longer. Success stories from the pilot program, including mentorship moments, adoption celebrations, and lifelong community bonds. Practical ways listeners can get involved, even if they aren’t able to foster themselves. Abby emphasizes that Care Communities not only support foster families but also give children the community connections they desperately need. This initiative is backed by faith organizations, nonprofits, local businesses, and state agencies—all working together to improve outcomes for Utah’s most vulnerable kids.  Learn more or sign up at utahcarecommunities.org  Explore Utah Foster Care programs at utahfostercare.org Transcript Fostering Conversations Podcast Episode 64: Building Care Communities Amy: Thanks for joining us for Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith, and today we have our amazing guest and First Lady Abby Cox. Thanks for joining us, Abby. Abby: Thanks so much for having me. Amy: So we are excited. Today is a special episode because, there is an exciting announcement that Abby is going to share with us. So go ahead and share that with us and we’ll dive in. Abby: we are super excited to announce that we are having a statewide launch of our Care Communities program. So we have been doing a two year pilot, around this Care Communities program. We’ve had. Great successes. We’ve had some incredible stories. we are thrilled with the outcomes, frankly, of what we’ve been seeing, and we are ready to launch statewide, which is very exciting. Amy: It is so exciting and honestly for me as a former employee, this is flown by, so I can’t believe it’s already out of the two year pilot and ready to go, so that’s exciting. So would you just tell us a little bit about why you started the Care Communities program, why you joined up with Utah Foster Care to create this specific program? Abby: Yeah, so when I got into this position,and wanted to see where in child welfare, really didn’t know that much about it, but knew that I wanted to, see if there was. Somewhere that I could have an impact or that my team could really maybe help in ways that, that some of the other organizations needed. And so for us, it was, it really was a learning thing. and the more I got into it, and the more I started learning about it, the more, I learned great organizations like Utah Foster Care and others throughout the state that are doing the really tough work of, Helping to minimize the trauma that’s experienced when a child enters, the child welfare system and all the touchpoint that come. I often hear as I go throughout this work is, the system’s broken. And I always say to people, no, the system is not broken. The system is complex. It’s very complex, and people are doing their best in most cases, to find ways to help, children who have been, hurt in some way and need our help and that are the most vulnerable in our state. so on the out, I started to learn and meet people, families. Current and former children in care, just incredible people that are doing this work together. And I realized , there was maybe one place , that our team could really have an impact. And that is making sure that we have enough. trained quality foster families that are diverse enough for the population of our kiddos and that we can have a safe place for these kids to land. and we see it across the nation. We are woefully short of foster families. and it’s because it’s hard work, as you know. and it’s, beautiful work, but it’s also anything that is worth doing is also gonna be really hard. and so a lot of these families that, that, are in foster care or have a license, they usually give up their license within a year. Again, as we. what’s hard is that, if we don’t have a place for these kiddos who have been abused and neglected to have a safe place and a loving and place where they belong, and they can feel that, that sense of safety, then,we’re in trouble as a state. We’re in trouble if we don’t take care of the most vulnerable among us. So I had heard about this idea of care communities. I’d seen it in different places in the country where they’re doing little pockets of this, mostly in christian congregations in the South, and I thought, is it possible that we could do this here in the state and do it statewide and have a real concerted effort to make this happen? And through our partnership with Utah Foster Care, through amazing partnerships with interfaith, groups across the state, again, we’re where we are right now, and it’s an opportunity for us to surround these foster families and take care of their needs as they do the really important work. Amy: One of my favorite parts about care communities is that not everyone can be a foster family. I personally was a foster family for four years, and then our family grew unexpectedly, permanently, and it was like, we can’t foster anymore, right? Because. We’re ca, we’re tapped out at this point. but Care Communities gives everyone an opportunity to give back and to help with this child welfare system. So that’s one of my favorite parts about it, is that not everyone can foster. I totally get that. But there are ways that you can give back big or small, through this care community program. Abby: That’s exactly right. And Amy, what, first of all, I wanna thank you for showing out. You’ve been so amazing. You’ve been outspoken and helping people to understand not only the really tough parts of being a foster family, but really the joyful parts. You and I have had conversations about, people. Scared to,have teenagers in their home. they have a preconceived notion of what that looks like or what that means. And you’ve combated some of those fears , but also not sugarcoated things and you’ve been really real, which is what we need. We absolutely need that. We need both. We need to understand that these issues are not just our, foster families, that are doing this work, but it’s all of us as a community that can come together and help out. So to me, the idea of a care community where, through a congregation or a business or a neighborhood, we can have eight to 10 families surrounding these foster families that help take care of their emotional, their physical, and any other needs that family has. Especially making connections with those kids in care sometimes, it’s just as simple as a child needs a positive role model in their life. And for them, this just couldn’t be better, to make sure that they have just a whole network of people that are in their corner. Wanting them to succeed, and they can feel that. To me, that’s the Utah way. that’s Utah in a nutshell. We want the help and that’s the other, you said, no, not every family gonna be foster. Amy: Almost every family that I know of that I talk to says I wanna help in some way, and I wanna volunteer in a way that is impactful. Abby: And so to me it’s like it’s a no-brainer that this is an incredible program that people in our state are hungry for. They wanna be helpful, and now we’re giving them the perfect way. To step in a meaningful way that is, that has all the protections that has the training. this isn’t just, grandma down the street telling you how to be a better parent. It is. I’ve been trained on what these kids have gone through and the best ways to interact with them. And the best way is to keep them safe and make them feel like they belong. Amy: Yeah. I love that this program provides , that safety net. Like you say, it’s not just, okay, let’s just rally around and hope this works out. It’s no, let’s be trauma informed. Let’s help these individuals support this child and foster family in the best way possible. one of my favorite. a personal thing is that one of my teens, who we had in care and she aged out, she’s having a baby and it was so fun to throw a shower for her and to have her tell me who she wanted to invite. And it was so neat to see that she wanted to invite the adult women on our street. And even some of those women were like, wow, that was so thoughtful that you invited me thinking me, Amy invited them and I said, no. She invited you, she gave me your name, and I just think that’s what a care community is, right? That was an unofficial one for us. but that’s what a care community is having. Strong, good adults that are there for your big moments to come to your baby shower and to be there. And the amount of things that she got from these women, just she wasn’t gonna be able to go get all of those things. And so the tangible goods, but also just knowing, hey, there’s a group of women that’s gonna come to my baby shower. That is amazing. Abby: Yeah. I just think that’s the beauty of this program. again, it’s gonna be a little more organized than your unofficial one.

    28 min
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Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

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