Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Utah Foster Care
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  • PARENTING
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Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

  1. 1D AGO

    Mentorship Program

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Michelle Ostmark, the Statewide Mentoring Coordinator for Utah Foster Care, to discuss the Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and why it matters. Michelle explains how the program pairs experienced foster parents with new or existing foster and kinship families to provide guidance, emotional support, and real-life insight throughout the fostering journey. From navigating first placements and court processes to coping with reunification, burnout, and self-care, mentors help ensure families don’t feel alone. The conversation highlights how mentoring builds community, strengthens placements, and improves outcomes for children by supporting the adults who care for them. Michelle also shares how the program began, its statewide growth, success stories, and how former foster parents can continue giving back as mentors—even if they’re no longer licensed. Learn how to request a mentor or become one at: https://utahfostercare.org/foster-parent-resources/mentors/ Transcript:  Welcome to Fostering Conversations. On today’s episode, we’ll be talking about the statewide Utah Foster Care Mentoring Program and its importance to our Utah foster families. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Michelle Ostmark, who is the statewide mentoring coordinator for Utah Foster Care. Thanks for joining us, Michelle. Michelle: Thank you for having me. Amy: So we’re excited to talk about the mentoring program. It is part of Utah Foster Care and available to all of our foster families in the state of Utah. Is that correct? Michelle: It’s also available to kinship families that have gone through the licensing process or have started the licensing Amy: which is awesome. I think kinship, all foster families need support, but kinship have an added layer of need of support, so I love that you’ve included that now. Michelle: Yeah. I think it’s important that they also have support for the children that are coming into their home. They have the same. Needs that any other child coming into care have, and they just have an extra dynamic of having a personal relationship with the biological families. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. So let’s just start by what is the mentoring program? Michelle: So the mentoring program is designed to pair a seasoned foster family with a new or existing family that needs additional support, or. Resources in each of their communities. We gear it towards new families just so that as they’re starting their foster care journey, they’re able to have somebody that they can call and gather information from, learn what’s appropriate, what’s not, questions to ask as they’re getting placements in their home, um, when they’re struggling, when there’s. exciting news for a child or their family, they have somebody that they can share those things with. Yeah. So that they’re not feeling alone. Amy: I love that because I think back to when I started fostering and I didn’t know like anything, like you just like you get trained. But then you forget what you’re doing and then a kid shows up and you’re like, wait, what am I doing again? Yeah. Michelle: Yeah. And I think our training is amazing, Amy: It is. It’s beautiful. Michelle: But like during that process, you go through the training and then you wait for your licensing and approval, and oftentimes there’s a few months that pass by. Yeah. And so all of that training that you’ve had, you’re super excited. But once you get that call for that child, all of that training and all of that, just go. Goes right out the window. And so foster families often panic because they don’t know what the next step is. And yeah, what do I do now? Who do I call? Why do these children have all of these appointments? And so having somebody that’s calling in and checking on them and making sure that they, have some. Support and somebody that has actually been down that road before them. They have lived experience that they can offer, advice and support for, and sometimes we have new foster families that have never parented before, so they don’t know who to call for medical appointments, dental appointments. And so having a mentor that is in their area, they’re able to, give them. A list of providers that they can possibly take the children to and just prepare them for what to expect during those Amy: Yeah, No, I think that’s so important to have that access to somebody that knows. And if nothing else, the fostering journey is so unique. You need someone that understands what you are doing and can tell you, yeah, that’s totally normal. Yes, I know. It’s absolutely wild what you’re enduring, but, yep. Sounds about normal. Michelle: Yeah. I think that, when we start this journey as foster adoptive families or kinship families you have a certain idea of what it’s going to be like, but once you step into that role, it’s nothing like that. Nothing like that. And so, just having somebody that you can talk to, that you can vent to is so important. Yeah. Our friends and our families in our personal life, often are very supportive, right when we start this journey. But because of the confidentiality that we have to maintain for the children that are coming into our home, and not just for them but for their biological families, um, we’re not able to share this stuff. Yeah. With. our personal friends and family where a mentor signs a confidentiality form that has been approved through DCFS that allows them to talk to these foster families in depth. They can talk to ’em about their court cases, visitation, anything that’s going on with the children, so that helps them get additional insight and how to best support the families. Amy: Yeah. I think that’s really important for mentors and the families that are getting mentored to know, is that they can talk about that information with each other, Michelle: And mentors can also attend child and family team meetings, because they’re, again, signing another confidentiality form. Their role will be a little bit different because they’re there to support the foster family, so they’re not there to offer insight or ideas or suggestions on the case just to help be a support to the foster family and help them understand. Why some of those things are being put in place for the children or for the families of the children so that they can have a little bit of support as they move forward with the case. think Amy: really valid. I remember as a foster parent, I would, after the family and team meetings, I would talk to the casa that was assigned to my foster child at the time. And it was just so nice to have somebody that knew what was going on. ’cause it was, you just, there’s not very many people who know what’s going on. And so it was just nice to have somebody. That could listen and be there. And yes, she was the advocate for the child, but it was just nice to have another adult to speak with. And so I think that’s what the mentoring program really Michelle: Yeah. It’s offering the support for our families that are providing the care for these children that are coming into the foster care system. They’re getting a ton of support. Their families are getting a ton of support, to help with reunification. But then our foster families are left going, where do I fit into all of this? So mentors also help with, all of those feelings with reunification. Why am I so sad? Why do these children need to go home? Why is the goal reunification? And if reunification doesn’t happen and it moves towards adoption, it’s helping them with that process as well. Yeah. So our mentors are designed to stay with a new family from the time that they are first licensed through their first placement. And then if they need additional support and help and they wanna keep ’em on longer, they can. We also offer it to existing families that are just struggling with like a new case that is really difficult and they just need, some additional support. So our whole goal is to build that village around our foster families so that they have people that can understand exactly what they’re going through, have already been through some of these difficult. Issues and can empathize with them in a way that other people can’t. We work really closely with the resource family consultants as well. Because they’re also a good support for our families. Yeah. But again, unless they’ve lived this right, they don’t have the lived experience to Amy: and they’re also supporting so many families. There’s 10, ish per region probably, and. They’re dealing with a lot of families. So mentors tell us how many families one mentor would take on. Michelle: mentors can take between one and eight families on their caseload. Their goal is to reach out to the family, one to four times a month. answer phone calls from the family to offer support if the family. Needs them. They don’t have to wait for the mentor to call them. Right. They’re able to call the mentor anytime. And in addition to that, if they’re unable to reach their mentor at any time, they also get my contact information. Yeah. And can contact me with questions and then I can guide them through whatever needs to happen in that moment. So Mentors are great for crisis situations. They can help find respite resources in the community, like again, like doctors, dentists, therapists, things like that. Yeah. They mentor each other and I help mentor them as well as a former foster, adoptive mom. And we make sure that, again, they have additional training to help support these families as needs arrive. Amy: I love that. Michelle: Tell Amy: Tell us a little bit about why and how the mentoring program was born. Michelle: So the mentoring program started. Nine years ago, we started researching throughout A

    26 min

  2. JAN 13

    Trust-Based Relational Intervention

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Terumi Sagers, TBRI Specialist for Utah Foster Care, longtime foster parent, and adoptive parent. Together, they unpack the foundations of Trust‑Based Relational Intervention (TBRI)—a relationship‑centered, trauma‑informed caregiving approach developed by Dr. Karen Purvis and Dr. David Cross. This conversation is filled with real‑life examples, practical tools, and compassionate insights for foster parents, kinship caregivers, educators, and anyone raising children—because, as Terumi explains, TBRI works for all humans, not just those with trauma backgrounds. Episode Summary Terumi shares her extensive experience fostering, adopting, and training caregivers for over 15 years. She explains the three core TBRI principles—Connecting, Empowering, and Correcting—and why trust must be rebuilt from a “negative starting point” for many children who enter care. You’ll hear: How simple, consistent connection builds safety Why correcting behavior isn’t effective until trust is established How sensory needs, movement, nutrition, and hydration affect behavior Practical examples caregivers can implement today Clear guidance on where families (foster or not) can access TBRI training This episode is a comforting mix of vulnerability, practical strategy, and hope for caregivers navigating the complexities of trauma‑impacted parenting. Guest Terumi Sagers TBRI Specialist, Utah Foster Care 20 years as a foster parent • Adoptive parent • Trainer and practitioner Key Topics Covered 1. What Is TBRI? A trauma‑informed parenting philosophy centered on trust‑building and relational connection. Originally developed for children with trauma histories, but now shown to benefit all children and even adult relationships. 2. Why Trust Starts Below Zero Children in care often enter new homes with trauma, loss, and disrupted attachment. Caregivers must focus on connection to help kids reach “zero” before growth can begin. 3. The Three TBRI Principles Connecting: Relationship‑building through presence, attunement, and positive interactions. Empowering: Meeting physical and sensory needs (movement, hydration, blood sugar, calm environments). Correcting: Teaching life skills and addressing behavior after safety and connection are in place. 4. Real‑World Examples A withdrawn teen reconnecting through daily small affirmations. A family eliminating after‑school meltdowns simply by offering protein snacks and water right after pickup. 5. Training Opportunities Utah Foster Care’s 8‑class TBRI Caregiver Series (20 hours). Community resources including My Healing Home, Raise the Future, and online courses from TCU. 6. Becoming a TBRI Practitioner A rigorous process including 10 weeks of study, an intensive adult attachment interview, and a 5‑day immersive training. Resources Mentioned Books: The Connected Child and The Connected Parent by Dr. Karen Purvis Training: UtahFosterCare.org → TBRI Caregiver Series Community Providers: My Healing Home • Raise the Future Online Learning: TCU’s TBRI 101 resources Notable Quotes “When you choose to become a parent, you choose how you spend your time. You can front‑load it with connection—or spend it all correcting.” “Our kids aren’t starting at zero. They’re starting at negative.” “Even as adults, we can keep using these principles to strengthen our relationships.” Learn More Visit UtahFosterCare.org to explore TBRI trainings, resources, and support opportunities. Transcript Episode 67: Trust-Based Relational Intervention Amy: On today’s episode, we’ll be talking to Terumi from Utah Foster Care about TBRI principles. This is a parenting strategy for anybody, parenting kids with trauma or anyone with kids in the home. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have as our guest, Terumi Sagers, who is the TBRI specialist for Utah Foster Care. Welcome, Terumi. Terumi: Thank you. Thank you for having me Amy: . So you are the specialist. You’ve been teaching for a while. Tell us a little bit about yourself. So listeners just have a little bit of background. Terumi: So my husband and I were foster parents for 20 years fostered and did respite for. A long time. We also adopted three of our four children from the foster care system, and I have been with Utah Foster Care for coming up on 15 years now, working on the training team. Amy: so you are more than qualified is what I hear. Terumi: I would hope so. Amy: I love that. That’s amazing. So tell us let’s just start from the beginning. What is TBRI? Terumi: So TBRI stands for trust-Based Relational Intervention and it is a parenting philosophy based out of research done by Dr. Karen Purvis and Dr. David Cross out of TCU. Amy: so I’ve taken the TBR trainings as a foster parent. Something I always wonder, I don’t. Know, so I’m asking is TBRI only for kids with trauma or can it be used to parent any type of child? Terumi: I love that question because when we first learned about it, it was in the context of working with kids that have experienced trauma or have had toxic levels of stress. But as the research has gone on. They have realized this works for all kids. This works in other relationships as well. And I have had families come through TBRI training and say, I don’t have any kids in my home, but I’ve been doing this with my coworkers, or I’ve been doing this with my spouse and this works everywhere. And I love that. The reality is, yes, it works everywhere with everyone. Amy: Yeah. And why is that? Maybe give us like a very small, I know TBRI is very intense and has so many layers, but can you give us like a little bit of a nutshell overview of what the basis of it is for listeners that maybe don’t know what it is. Terumi: So we go back to that name, trust-based relational intervention, that we build trust in relationships, and that helps us have influence on behaviors of others. And when we put that relationship at the forefront and connecting with people on a really basic level, they feel that safety with us, and it allows us to then empower them. It allows us to correct behaviors when we need to because they know they can trust us. Amy: Yeah. Some of the, the basic things that I remember when I took the training years ago or, or is when one of the. activities, during the training is they have a pretend hurt essentially, and you ask, where is your hurt? May I put a bandaid on it? And I, I think it really is so basic. You’re just doing these basic things of like you say. Building trust and with, especially with kids with trauma they don’t have that on any foundational level. And so starting with these really simple bandaid activities, makes them start being more comfortable and being able to trust their caregivers. Terumi: Yeah. When we think about trust, we tend to think starting maybe at zero and going forward, but our kids in care have had traumas to the level that you’re not starting at zero. You’re starting at negative. Amy: Yeah. That’s interesting. I hadn’t thought about that. Terumi: time to get to zero. And so all of these activities, all of the strategic things that were being very intentional about teaching are to get you to zero to then start going forward in that relationship. Amy: Yeah, and I think as a caregiver or a parent, that can be overwhelming because first of all, we want instant results, right? We want kids to just be amazing and trust us and obey and do everything. That would be amazing, but. And that’s just not reality for any child, but I think having that perspective of, you’re trying to even just get to zero, I think that’s a really good perspective for caregivers to think about. I had never thought about that before, so I really like that. Terumi: Yeah, when you have a baby that is born to you from the moment. Even in the womb, you are doing things that they learn to, Hey, this person’s taking care of me. I can trust and I’m safe. When a child just lands on your doorstep, they don’t know you. They don’t know. That you can be trusted in any way. And sometimes we forget that because we think everything that was in the past is in the past. But trauma doesn’t go away the moment they hit your doorstep. Amy: You just added another pile on actually. Terumi: This is an additional trauma Amy: Correct. Yeah. Terumi: now I’m living with. Hopefully if we’re able to find kinship providers, someone I know at least, otherwise, being placed on the doorstep of well-intentioned Total strangers. Amy: know I, when I explain foster care to people, I, I say, think of how many people you have. If you and your spouse were unavailable to take care for your kids. The list is probably long, right? Kids in foster care, literally there’s no list, so they’re coming to a stranger’s house and it is. Like still, to me it’s so mind boggling to think, wow, we have this many kids and this many adults really in the state of Utah and in the country that they have no one. And so their kids are going to strangers when they’re in a terrible situation. That’s really sad. Terumi: Yes. As hard as it is to be in that stressful situation, having someone you can count on helps buffer that stress and these kids. Haven’t had someone that could count on and in fact have been hurt in relationships where they should have been kept safe. Amy: Yeah. Terumi: And so it puts you again at that deficit below zero because moms aren’t necessarily safe or dads aren’t necessarily safe. And now I have a mom and a dad. I have no history that tells me I can trust them. Amy: Yeah. I remember the first night we got our now adopted daughter. She was 14 months and it was the middle of the night and a caseworker brought her in a car seat and I. Came outside, took her out of the car

    28 min

  3. 12/09/2025

    Compassion in Action

    Podcast: Fostering Conversations Host: Amy Smith Guest: Dave, Owner of Dave’s Auto Episode Summary In this heartfelt episode, Amy sits down with Dave Bell from Dave’s Auto Center to discuss his incredible journey of giving back to the community through Utah Foster Care and other charitable initiatives. Dave shares the deeply personal story of his mother’s childhood in an orphanage, how that shaped his values, and why supporting foster families and children is so meaningful to him. From partnering with Mountain America Credit Union to organizing a massive community Christmas event, Dave’s passion for service shines through every story. Key Topics Covered Dave’s Background: From starting his auto shop in a storage unit to building a successful business over 36 years. Personal Connection: How his mother’s experience as an orphan inspired his commitment to foster care. The Power of Service: Why giving back changes lives—both for those who receive and those who give. Community Christmas Event: Details about the annual Family Community Christmas in Farmington, serving thousands of families with food, clothing, toys, and holiday cheer. Encouragement for Listeners: Practical ways to get involved and make a lasting impact during the holiday season. Memorable Quotes “Service is a dividend that pays double.” – Dave “Be careful what you fill your mind with—your life depends on it.” – Dave “One caring adult can make all the difference.” – Amy Resources & Links Utah Foster Care: utahfostercare.org Family Community Christmas (Farmington, UT): December 20th at Farmington Fair Park Mountain America Credit Union: macu.com Call to Action Want to make this holiday season meaningful? Join the Family Community Christmas event or support foster families in your area. Your time and kindness can change lives. Transcript: Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Dave with Dave’s Auto, Thank you so much for joining our podcast today. We’re excited to chat with you. Dave: I’m happy to be here. Thank you. Amy: So let’s start off by just introducing yourself, you know, what’s a little bit of your background and how did you get involved with Utah Foster Care? Dave: my background is, I’ve been a mechanic my whole life since I was 15. So that’s 50 years now. And I started the business here in Utah in 1990. So we’re starting our 36th year this year. And started in a storage unit in the dead of winter with no heat. And Lord, I’ve been very blessed. So that’s a little bit about me and where I came from and why I’ve gotta shop. Mountain American Credit Union came to me last year, a little before Christmas, and asked me to collaborate with them with Utah Foster Care. And I was so honored to do it, and they didn’t even know it. They just came to me because they wanted a a working kind of guy to be part of their ad campaign and everything. And then through, meeting the people and you know, talking to Utah foster care and everything a story came up and that story is probably why this is so near and dear to me, but no one knew that. But it’s unusual how people will get put in your life or you’ll get put in people’s lives and then it’s an answer to somebody’s prayer. You know, for me it’s an answer to my prayer ’cause I can give back. I’ve been so blessed in my life. And I hope that in some way that benefits Utah Foster care. So there’s a story there, and I don’t know whether you want that Amy: Yeah let’s just dive right in so that our listeners aren’t on the edge of their sheets like I am. Dave: Okay I’ll try to get through this. I’ve yeah, it’s an emotional story. okay. So my mother, God rest her soul. It was an orphan. So I’m looking for a tissue and of course in the mechanic shop, I got a shop rag here. Okay. Not really. Alright okay, I got that outta the way. Okay. My dear sweet mother, God rest her soul was the one of the finest women I ever knew, but she was an orphan. Now. I don’t know this, and I’m wondering when , the foster program kind of started in America. My mother was born in Ohio. She was put in an orphanage. This would’ve been back in 1940. Amy: Okay. Dave: She was put in an orphanage in Ohio and she lived her life there until my father married her and they were together for 56 years. Amy: Wow. Dave: Now I didn’t know why my mother, my whole life, I did not know why my mother went into an orphanage. I just, even growing up, I never knew. I never knew. I just didn’t know. And about a month or two before she passed away, she revealed to me how she ended up in an orphanage at six years old. And it’s amazing. You know how that shaped her life in a way. And I’m sure she’s not here to defend her. Not that she has to, but my mother never had the opportunity to be taught what a mother was. And but yet, My mother was a woman that had an apron on and I come home from school and there was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for me and somebody to talk to. And she told me that I, when she passed and I asked her, how’d you end up being such a great mom? And ’cause she really was four children and plus my dad, which, okay, that was five children. She was a good mother and I think what it did is since she didn’t have a mother, She went the extra mile and she made sure that she was. The best mother. I remember speaking to women that came to her funeral that spoke about how she had inspired them to be better women and better mothers. And so anyway, my point of that was is to tell the people that are being foster care parents. My mother had some very nice things to say about the people that were in the orphanage. She never, you know, she, I can’t remember the lady’s name, but the mother of the orphanage, the head mother was a very kind woman. She wasn’t cruel or anything. She was a very nice woman. And my mother she taught her how to, my mother learned how to sew and cruise che and knit and meet, you know, all that stuff. And you know, for all our grandkids and everything, she would always be making booties and little sweaters and stuff like that. And so I think of that as what foster parents give to all these children that, for some reason or another, my mother did tell me why she and this is not an unusual story, probably, you know, my mother I’ll, I will tell this because she told me this she was put in an orphanage because during that time her mother was so poor. Then her mother turned to prostitution, Amy: Yeah. Dave: To take care of, you know, to feed herself. This was back in 1940 and America was a very, if you were poor, there wasn’t a whole lot of safety nets for you. And so my mother was taken by the state and put in an orphanage and she never got out of that. And and so I, you know, my heart goes out to a lot of these children. Amy: Yeah. Dave: They have to be removed from a home because their parents, it’s not that they’re making a bad decision it’s sometimes they don’t have another decision to make or, you know, things happen. And any way that I can help those children and these parents it’s one of me and my wife’s great goals. We all, we are my youngest son who’s 25, has autism the foster care community and the autism community is very dear to me. I think there’s a lot of kids with developmental disabilities in the foster care Amy: are. Dave: and Yeah. And the people that, gosh, you know, there’s angels all over the world and a lot of ’em were foster parents. Amy: A lot of them are foster parents. You’re right. And a lot of ’em are people like you who care and give back in incredible ways. So thank you for sharing kind of the. The hidden story behind why you do give back and why you do work with Utah foster care and have such a passion for caring for kids in need, and the foster parents that are taking care of them. That’s really neat. So I, I didn’t know that backstory, so thank you for sharing that and being vulnerable. That’s beautiful. Thank you. Dave: I tell you, if your editors hear this and say, gosh we gotta get that over again without him sobbing and. Just, I’ll do it over Amy: Nope. We don’t want that. We want the real deal. So thank you. Dave: Okay. Amy: that I love about it too is that you talk about, you know, your grandmother was. Was an incredible woman too, and she was doing what was best for her daughter, which was protecting her from a life of poverty and what she had to turn to. And a lot of kids in foster care are exposed to these really dangerous environments and these poverty environments where they cannot be provided for. And so I think having that compassion for these kids and for what they’ve experienced and them being placed in. Beautiful foster homes, but also that’s such a crappy situation, right? No one deserves to be raised in a foster home, but for their protection they have to be sometimes. So I think that’s a really neat parallel that you have. Dave: Yeah. It, you know, I was 58 years old before I knew the real story of why my mother was in it for, she kept Amy: Yeah. Wow. Dave: because she didn’t wanna put that on her mother. And I think as a mother. She went through hard times. My father was in the Navy for 24 years, and he was an enlisted man, not an officer. My parent, we were poor, but she never, so she understood what poverty was, but she never blamed her mother for it. It was, it’s just another gold star on my mother’s forehead because of the woman that, you know, I see. I see her now to be. Amy: And I love that because, so I actually am a previous foster parent. We fostered for four years and I’ve worked for Utah Foster Care. We’ve adopted children and something that is actually quite mind boggling to a lot of people who haven’t fostered, but you just nailed it on the head, is that these kids love their parents no matter what

    26 min

  4. 11/11/2025

    Blocked Care

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith talks with Utah Foster Care clinical support specialist and LCSW Les Harris about blocked care: why it happens, how it impacts foster parents, and practical steps to restore connection. Les explains how chronic stress can suppress the parenting response system, making it difficult to feel joy or affection toward a child, even when we deeply care. They discuss what blocked care looks like, why it’s different from burnout, how small “doses” of positive interaction can rebuild connection, and why acceptance, playfulness, curiosity, and empathy are powerful tools for healing relationships. Resources mentioned in this episode Brain-Based Parenting by Daniel Hughes & Jonathan Baylin What Happened to You? by Dr. Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey Utah Foster Care Clinical Support Services Transcript: Amy: On today’s episode, we’re talking to Les Harris, a Utah foster care clinical support specialist, and LCSW about blocked care and how it affects foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Les Harris who works for Utah Foster Care as the clinical support specialist, and also is an LCSW. Welcome Les. Les: Thank you. Happy to be here. Amy: Today we’re excited to be talking about blocked care. Blocked care really affects foster parents, but it affects all parents. So will you give us the dumb down version of what blocked care is? Les: It’s one of those terms that’s relatively recent in the trauma informed literature, even though we know it’s been around forever. So it’s often used in, as you said, in foster care, adoptive care and in parenting in general. It’s a, it’s refers to the chronic stress that often comes with working with children with difficult emotions and behaviors, and forces the parent then to shut down emotionally and almost stop caring about the child. It’s and in other words, they no longer find joy in parenting, and that’s one of the most common outcomes where. Foster and adoptive parents, when they get pushed emotionally, their own parenting response system starts to shut down, and the next thing they know, they don’t even want to be around the child anymore. And so that’s the basic definition but there’s so much more to it in the context of why does that happen? What do I do about it when it happens? And so on and so forth. So we’ll probably get into to more of that as we go. Amy: Yeah, I know that when I started fostering, I had never heard that term. It was very interesting to me to learn about it from you and from different classes and things that I went to as a foster parent to, to understand that. So maybe we can just start, by talking about what are some of the reasons why a parent might be facing blocked care? Les: Yes. I think that’s important because once we have a bit of awareness about the underlying causes and why it’s happening, then it gives me at least some information I could use to, to change some things about my approach to parenting, some of the most difficult children that will ever encounter. So, Let me go back. I’m gonna get back to basics. Talk a little bit about. The idea that all humans, are born with an instinct, as we get older, particularly, and you can even see this in young children, but particularly as we start to get a certain age, we start to, that nurturing instinct starts to kick in. You can still see it with young children, but by the time you’re mid adolescents and going into adult, I’m driven to care for, or nurture, if you will. The young, and so I use as my most common example, when anyone goes to the grocery store and there’s a toddler or infant in the cart in front of them, we are drawn to , engage with that infant. We, we try to make them smile. We play peek-a-boo. We try to engage them in some nurturing interaction, and so that instinct is pretty strong in all of us. And so if you look at that idea that we have this instinct to nurture our young, which I call the parenting response system, that by the time we become parents is so strong, we actually love being around kids, and let’s all agree that kids drive us crazy from time to time, even under the healthiest and most happy of circumstances, right? We understand that. That there are challenges to parenting. There are challenges to caring for children in foster care and adoptive care. We’re going to agree on that, but that doesn’t change the fact that internal drive to nurture our young isn’t powerful. And in the end, after the turmoil and some of the challenges diminish. We kinda feel joy about being a parent. We love being around our kids and we have, we almost default back to the goodness of being a parent and the goodness of our children. So that parenting instinct, that parent response system gets suppressed when we have chronic stress, exposure to trauma over and over again without relief. And all of a sudden you start to shut down emotionally towards that child. And when I say you lose the joy of parenting that’s suppression, that suppression of the parent response system. And that’s why over the years I’ve been doing this 36 years. I can tell you that comments such as, I hate this child, or I don’t want to be around this child anymore. I don’t like this child. And even parents who will report, I purposely stay away from the home longer than necessary to avoid being around the child. That tells me there is blocked care happening. So that’s, the underlying. Foundation of why blocked care happens and how it continues, unless we, of course, learn ways to mitigate that. Amy: And I think from my experience, I’ve absolutely experienced block care. I didn’t know what it was like I said, until I. Became educated as a foster parent, but I’ve experienced it towards biological and adoptive children. And so I think it’s interesting. Blocked care is specific to a child, right? It’s not just you shut down as a parent, I can’t parent any of them. It’s no one out of my 20 children, I can’t parent currently, but the other 19, I’m just fine with. Les: And it, yes, it can be child specific and yes, it can happen to children who are born into the home. It doesn’t matter how the child gets there, if they are pushing those emotional buttons and overwhelming you emotionally, it starts to. Your parenting response system. So yes, absolutely true and often that’s one of the things that I guess the byproducts of block care is not only am I have, I lost the pleasure of being around a child or maybe multiple children, I. And start to feel guilty about it. What’s wrong with me? I start to shame myself. I’m a bad person. I’m a bad parent because I’m experiencing these thoughts and feelings in association with a particular child. Amy: Yeah. So how would a parent, if they’re listening or had heard of this before, how do you know it’s blocked care versus I don’t actually know what the alternative would be. Depression maybe, or other things like how do you know it’s actually blocked care? Or does it matter? Les: I can tell you that the progression of learning for and helping foster parents kinda get through some of these difficulties was we had terminology such as foster care, burnout and things like that in the past. And we would have training sessions how to prevent. Foster parent burnout. Now, burnout is clearly something that happens, or one of the things that happens because of blocked care. So blocked care is more universal, meaning it becomes more biologically based because it actually changes the way my genetic material is transmitting information to my system. I don’t wanna get too technical, but it’s very. Very brain-based. Once my brain goes into a protective mode, which is essentially what it is, the whole concept is my brain is trying to protect me from something that I think is either threatening or overwhelming or stressful. And that’s different than burnout, which is I’m just exhausted for doing, from doing so much by spending so much time and energy on something, I get burned out. But this is actual suppression of that, that, Amy: I didn’t realize that. Les: yeah. And so th that becomes, I think, probably more, I don’t wanna say dangerous, but certainly more chronic Amy: And probably harder to resolve. Les: And so we talk about it and we, over the years we’ve talked about foster parents self-care, do your exercise, read books, go relax, take vacations and all the things that, that help with burnout. But the truth is how do you restore That instinct, right? How do you get back to. parenting response system to being active enough where I love to be around my child again. That’s a hard, that’s a harder issue. Amy: So how would somebody know if that if they’re like, yeah, this is actual burnout and I need to do something, or I just need to go have a break and I’ll be fine again. Les: So the typical burnout or o foster care, the caring for the caregiver was another title we used, meaning if you do those strategies where I go. And let’s say I just have a friend and I go buy a Coke from Swig every once a week with them and it helps me take a break, and that seems to be. Amy: Enough. Les: Enough,and it seems to restore my confidence and I’m able to kinda be, feel rejuvenated enough to get through the week until I have those opportunities. And maybe you’re doing other things like relaxation, reading good books, listening to some soothing music in between. But the truth is, if that’s sustaining you, then typically it’s Not Amy: quite blocked care. Les: So it’s a deeper seated brain-based response to caring for challenging children. Amy: you essentially can’t just snap out of it or go grab a drink to to relieve yourself, Les: Yeah. Yeah. Amy: not an alcoholic drink. But okay. Perfect. Let’s focus on the blocked care. What would

    32 min

  5. 10/07/2025

    Building Care Communities

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes Utah’s First Lady Abby Cox to announce the statewide launch of the Care Communities program. After a successful two-year pilot with Utah Foster Care, Care Communities are expanding across the state to provide essential support for foster families and children in care. Abby shares how this initiative was born out of a desire to strengthen foster care in Utah and ensure that every child has a safe and supportive environment. The Care Communities model surrounds each foster family with 8–10 trained volunteers who provide emotional support, physical assistance, and trauma-informed care. This helps foster parents feel less isolated and ensures children in care have healthy, lasting connections with caring adults. Key highlights from this episode: Statewide Care Communities launch – a first-of-its-kind effort in Utah. The top three benefits foster families experience: emotional support, physical help, and positive impact on children. How Care Communities prevent burnout and keep families fostering longer. Success stories from the pilot program, including mentorship moments, adoption celebrations, and lifelong community bonds. Practical ways listeners can get involved, even if they aren’t able to foster themselves. Abby emphasizes that Care Communities not only support foster families but also give children the community connections they desperately need. This initiative is backed by faith organizations, nonprofits, local businesses, and state agencies—all working together to improve outcomes for Utah’s most vulnerable kids.  Learn more or sign up at utahcarecommunities.org  Explore Utah Foster Care programs at utahfostercare.org Transcript Fostering Conversations Podcast Episode 64: Building Care Communities Amy: Thanks for joining us for Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith, and today we have our amazing guest and First Lady Abby Cox. Thanks for joining us, Abby. Abby: Thanks so much for having me. Amy: So we are excited. Today is a special episode because, there is an exciting announcement that Abby is going to share with us. So go ahead and share that with us and we’ll dive in. Abby: we are super excited to announce that we are having a statewide launch of our Care Communities program. So we have been doing a two year pilot, around this Care Communities program. We’ve had. Great successes. We’ve had some incredible stories. we are thrilled with the outcomes, frankly, of what we’ve been seeing, and we are ready to launch statewide, which is very exciting. Amy: It is so exciting and honestly for me as a former employee, this is flown by, so I can’t believe it’s already out of the two year pilot and ready to go, so that’s exciting. So would you just tell us a little bit about why you started the Care Communities program, why you joined up with Utah Foster Care to create this specific program? Abby: Yeah, so when I got into this position,and wanted to see where in child welfare, really didn’t know that much about it, but knew that I wanted to, see if there was. Somewhere that I could have an impact or that my team could really maybe help in ways that, that some of the other organizations needed. And so for us, it was, it really was a learning thing. and the more I got into it, and the more I started learning about it, the more, I learned great organizations like Utah Foster Care and others throughout the state that are doing the really tough work of, Helping to minimize the trauma that’s experienced when a child enters, the child welfare system and all the touchpoint that come. I often hear as I go throughout this work is, the system’s broken. And I always say to people, no, the system is not broken. The system is complex. It’s very complex, and people are doing their best in most cases, to find ways to help, children who have been, hurt in some way and need our help and that are the most vulnerable in our state. so on the out, I started to learn and meet people, families. Current and former children in care, just incredible people that are doing this work together. And I realized , there was maybe one place , that our team could really have an impact. And that is making sure that we have enough. trained quality foster families that are diverse enough for the population of our kiddos and that we can have a safe place for these kids to land. and we see it across the nation. We are woefully short of foster families. and it’s because it’s hard work, as you know. and it’s, beautiful work, but it’s also anything that is worth doing is also gonna be really hard. and so a lot of these families that, that, are in foster care or have a license, they usually give up their license within a year. Again, as we. what’s hard is that, if we don’t have a place for these kiddos who have been abused and neglected to have a safe place and a loving and place where they belong, and they can feel that, that sense of safety, then,we’re in trouble as a state. We’re in trouble if we don’t take care of the most vulnerable among us. So I had heard about this idea of care communities. I’d seen it in different places in the country where they’re doing little pockets of this, mostly in christian congregations in the South, and I thought, is it possible that we could do this here in the state and do it statewide and have a real concerted effort to make this happen? And through our partnership with Utah Foster Care, through amazing partnerships with interfaith, groups across the state, again, we’re where we are right now, and it’s an opportunity for us to surround these foster families and take care of their needs as they do the really important work. Amy: One of my favorite parts about care communities is that not everyone can be a foster family. I personally was a foster family for four years, and then our family grew unexpectedly, permanently, and it was like, we can’t foster anymore, right? Because. We’re ca, we’re tapped out at this point. but Care Communities gives everyone an opportunity to give back and to help with this child welfare system. So that’s one of my favorite parts about it, is that not everyone can foster. I totally get that. But there are ways that you can give back big or small, through this care community program. Abby: That’s exactly right. And Amy, what, first of all, I wanna thank you for showing out. You’ve been so amazing. You’ve been outspoken and helping people to understand not only the really tough parts of being a foster family, but really the joyful parts. You and I have had conversations about, people. Scared to,have teenagers in their home. they have a preconceived notion of what that looks like or what that means. And you’ve combated some of those fears , but also not sugarcoated things and you’ve been really real, which is what we need. We absolutely need that. We need both. We need to understand that these issues are not just our, foster families, that are doing this work, but it’s all of us as a community that can come together and help out. So to me, the idea of a care community where, through a congregation or a business or a neighborhood, we can have eight to 10 families surrounding these foster families that help take care of their emotional, their physical, and any other needs that family has. Especially making connections with those kids in care sometimes, it’s just as simple as a child needs a positive role model in their life. And for them, this just couldn’t be better, to make sure that they have just a whole network of people that are in their corner. Wanting them to succeed, and they can feel that. To me, that’s the Utah way. that’s Utah in a nutshell. We want the help and that’s the other, you said, no, not every family gonna be foster. Amy: Almost every family that I know of that I talk to says I wanna help in some way, and I wanna volunteer in a way that is impactful. Abby: And so to me it’s like it’s a no-brainer that this is an incredible program that people in our state are hungry for. They wanna be helpful, and now we’re giving them the perfect way. To step in a meaningful way that is, that has all the protections that has the training. this isn’t just, grandma down the street telling you how to be a better parent. It is. I’ve been trained on what these kids have gone through and the best ways to interact with them. And the best way is to keep them safe and make them feel like they belong. Amy: Yeah. I love that this program provides , that safety net. Like you say, it’s not just, okay, let’s just rally around and hope this works out. It’s no, let’s be trauma informed. Let’s help these individuals support this child and foster family in the best way possible. one of my favorite. a personal thing is that one of my teens, who we had in care and she aged out, she’s having a baby and it was so fun to throw a shower for her and to have her tell me who she wanted to invite. And it was so neat to see that she wanted to invite the adult women on our street. And even some of those women were like, wow, that was so thoughtful that you invited me thinking me, Amy invited them and I said, no. She invited you, she gave me your name, and I just think that’s what a care community is, right? That was an unofficial one for us. but that’s what a care community is having. Strong, good adults that are there for your big moments to come to your baby shower and to be there. And the amount of things that she got from these women, just she wasn’t gonna be able to go get all of those things. And so the tangible goods, but also just knowing, hey, there’s a group of women that’s gonna come to my baby shower. That is amazing. Abby: Yeah. I just think that’s the beauty of this program. again, it’s gonna be a little more organized than your unofficial one.

    28 min

  6. 09/09/2025

    Native Voices

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, guest host Liz Rivera guides a powerful dialogue with Native leaders and advocates about the importance of culture, tradition, and belonging for Native children in foster care. You’ll hear from: James Toledo (Utah Division of Indian Affairs) on how culture provides a foundation for resilience. Stephanie Benally (Native American Specialist, Utah Foster Care) on supporting Native children’s traditions in foster homes. Craig Sandoval (Urban Indian Center of Salt Lake) on creating culturally responsive models for Native youth and families in urban Utah. Together, they reflect on the sacred role of clans, ceremonies, and language, as well as the ongoing significance of the Indian Child Welfare Act (ICWA) in preserving tribal sovereignty and protecting children’s cultural identity. Listeners will learn why everyday practices—from observing ceremonies to speaking Native languages—help children thrive, and how foster parents can honor and support these connections, even outside of tribal communities. Transcript: Liz: [00:00:00] On today’s episode, you’ll hear how cultural traditions give Native children strength and belonging, and why the Indian Child Welfare Act or ICWA is so critical , in protecting those connections for children in foster care. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Liz Rivera, filling in for Amy Smith. We have a special episode for you today. We’re weaving together conversations with several native leaders and advocates here in Utah. Liz: Let’s begin with introductions in Navajo culture, introductions are not just about your name, they’re about where you come from, your clans, your language, and [00:01:00] lineage. First, we’ll hear from James Toledo from the Utah Division of Indian Affairs, followed by Stephanie Benally, the Native American specialist from Utah Foster Care, and finally, from Craig Sandoval from the Urban Indian Center of Salt Lake. James: [Navajo Introduction] James Toledo James: and, and again. Thank you. I, I’m a member of the Navajo Nation and we introduce ourselves, sharing our clans. So as we probably will talk about this later in the program, our clans are a way to identify our family relationships, connections with others within our community. Stephanie: Hello. Thank you. I am a citizen of Navajo Nation. My clans are Red Streak people born for Bitter Water. My maternal grandfather is Mexican People clan, and my paternal grandfather is Red House. Thank you very much for the opportunity to participate on the podcast. Craig: Hello everybody, and wanted [00:02:00] to introduce myself and my native language. First [Navajo introduction]. Craig: So I introduced myself in my native Navajo language. Just wanted to reintroduce myself in English for all the non Navajo speakers. Good day to everybody. My name is Craig Sandoval, and I’m originally from New Mexico in a small community named Pueblo Pintado, New Mexico. So it’s [00:03:00] just west of Albuquerque, made about two hours. Craig: And my clans are Near the Water People. I’m born for the Mexican clan. My maternal grandparents are the Red Paint People, and my paternal grandparents are the Towering House People. And so that’s who I am, and that’s where I come from. And then now I’m here in Salt Lake working to provide a culturally responsive clinical model for our community here to bring the reservation teachings and bring them here into the valley so that there’s still a connection. I came to Utah about two years ago working with the Urban Indian Center of Salt Lake. Liz: As Craig shares, , staying connected to traditions and language is essential for native children. Even here in urban areas of Utah where families may live far from their tribal homelands. James adds that culture, gives children a foundation to thrive. While [00:04:00] Stephanie reminds us how important it is for foster parents to support native traditions, sometimes through simple everyday practices.   Craig: The Urban Indian center, the goal is to connect our community members and our families to. Our tradition and our heritage back home. And that includes providing dancers, providing teachings, providing a class to where they can feel home, they can feel at home.For me, it’s the language, making sure that I can continually speak my language. So with the Navajo language classes, it does bridge that. When we think about Utah Foster Care and our Native kids that are in foster care here in Utah, how do we continue to bring them to connecting with their tradition and culture? And that’s also our goal. Several months ago, the Navajo Nation did a resource fair and one of the division directors, Mr.Thomas, [00:05:00] Cody. Who worked very well with Utah Foster Care really emphasized that there should always be a connection to our Navajo language, to our Navajo culture, to our Navajo environment, to our Navajo values, even though we live in the urban area. Craig: That is absolutely true., And that’s how we’ll stay strong. And so during Mr. Cody’s speech, he asked those that have our children and Navajo, our children in their custody to reconnect in any way they can . That’s where the strength is there. And so we want to, as the Urban Indian Center, while we provide a lot of these events, demonstration classes on Navajo history, Navajo language, Navajo culture, Navajo dances, we want them to connect with our traditional ways in that way. Craig: And so that’s the goal what providing all [00:06:00] the classes that we do at the Urban Indian Center. Craig: It is very important to keep the culture whether something small as a bracelet, a necklace, that means a lot to a native child. growing up in a native home, there’s so many milestones and so many traditions that are celebrated. I wanna give a little bit of background on myself too, as well. I am Navajo, however, I do have heritage and lineage into the Hopi and San Domingos communities, and each one is very different. And I’m gonna give you a great example on this side. Craig: As Navajo, we are born into our mother’s clan. I believe that’s number one. When it comes to really being, I guess it’s a. Coming to the earth is that you’re given your first clan, you’re you. You hear your first clan and as a baby they tell you that your first clan is this. Your second clan is [00:07:00] this. And that’s the introduction to the land. Craig: That’s the introduction to the air, the waters, the clouds, the beings that are on earth. Your introduction. When I look into our Hopi side, we have a child is born and kept in a dark room until a certain number of days have come. They prepare, and within this preparation they do a hair washing and they wash the hair and say, you’re able to come to this land in this world. Craig: And then they go out early in the morning and they introduce the child to the sun And when this happens, they tell the child that, here’s the sun The sun will be with you throughout from day one to the day of your death. They’ll watch over you. They’ll look over you, and there’s that introduction to the sun. Craig: And those are some of the main milestones. And you have Santo Domingo who also wash your hair and receive into the world the [00:08:00] child. So those are your milestones. And when you look into Navajo specific, you then can go into, for example, everybody knows the first laugh You know when a child laughs it means that there is laughter in the world. Craig: There’s happiness in the world, and you might think about it as a child has no worries in the world, but that one laugh has given the world what we call, or what we would call happiness. That child brings that, and they want that happiness to continue within the family, within the world. Craig: And so those are some of the important milestones. And then you get to puberty, the milestones of the women going through the puberty ceremony cannot the the men going through the Sweat Lodge ceremony on that side. Craig: Those are milestones that you have. And then overall you have the weddings, and then you have other things that happen [00:09:00] and they’re all different. When our children go through these rites of passages, there’s other small ones in between, for example, piercing the ears. Craig: When we pierce our ears, it’s that now that the gods can hear us through that, we can hear them too as well. And so that happens at a young age, washing of the hair with different herbs so that we prevent sickness and illness and so that our bodies are strong. Craig: Being a parent of a native child and a foster care parent, these are questions that you can ask like, how can I support? And I know on the reservations there are families willing to guide. There are connections that say we can help with that because they wanna keep the child aligned. They wanna keep the child connected to the traditional ways of life. James: Culture sets a foundation really for any individual. I think looking at a [00:10:00] broader picture, we all were raised in certain cultures, whether that’s within a religious environment, whether that’s with our traditional teachings as indigenous peoples, or whether that’s just your own family traditions that we have. James: So when a child is raised with that culture intact, it sets them up with a strong foundation. So as they. Get older and they start navigating and, and experiencing life. What helps to give them some guidance as they are learning about how to be an adult and to different situations that you encounter. And because when we encounter difficult situations, you immediately go back to Those core teachings. So I think that’s the importance of culture in the context that I was using it, is trying to broaden that perspective to help listeners try to understand why Indigenous families want to maintain that cultural connection. Stephanie:

    29 min

  7. 08/02/2025

    Aging Out Strong

    In this powerful episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Sheri, a resilient young woman who aged out of Utah’s foster care system and is now thriving as a leader at Angels Landing Foundation. Sheri shares her deeply personal story from entering foster care at age 12 after bravely reporting abuse, to cycling through 13 foster homes, and ultimately finding healing, empowerment, and purpose. Listeners will gain insight into: The emotional reality of sibling separation in care The challenges of instability and aging out alone The importance of supportive adults and safe spaces How Angels Landing Foundation is transforming outcomes for aged-out foster youth Sheri’s journey highlights the real-world impact of organizations like Angels Landing, which provide community, mental health support, life skills training, and financial empowerment to young adults aged 18–26 transitioning out of care.  Resources Mentioned: Angels Landing Foundation: angelslandingfoundation.org Follow Angels Landing on Instagram: @angelslandingfoundation Big Brothers Big Sisters of America: bbbs.org Learn About Foster Care in Utah: utahfostercare.org   Transcript: Episode 62: Aging Out Strong Amy: Thank you for joining us for Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Sheri who grew up in foster care and aged out of the foster care system. She currently works at Angels Landing, and we’re so excited to have her with us today. Thanks, Sheri. Sheri: Thank you. Amy: You have a really incredible story and I’m sure filled with also a lot of heartache and pain as well. So we wanna be sensitive to that. But would you just start by introducing yourself? Sheri: Absolutely. [00:01:00] Like you said, my name’s Sheri. I’m 23 years old. Gonna be turning 24 this year and I , work at Angels Landing. I, that’s like the best introduction I think I’ve got. Amy: I love it. So tell us a little bit what Angel’s Landing is for those who don’t know. Sheri: So Angels Landing is a nonprofit organization that serves young adults from eighteen to to 26. And our mission statement is Angels Landing builds community centered on empowering young adults transitioning from foster care to achieve self-sufficiency and create a life that they love. And so that is absolutely something that I needed when I aged out of foster care. And it’s been an absolute great opportunity and another resource as someone who doesn’t have tons of resources, and especially that family unit. Having another spot is always something that creates [00:02:00] So much support in my life. And so Angel’s Landing been great and I’m excited to, to dive into what that looks like. Amy: I love that. So maybe start by telling us a little bit about your story and how you found. Sheri: I aged into foster care when I was 12 years old. My mom passed away when I was three and a half, and so she passed away in a car accident on Valentine’s Day, Amy: Oh man. Sheri: so it’s the love day. So I try to always look at it like all the positives, right? But yep. Lost my mom at three and a half years old and. I’ve got a beautiful, twin sister and another big brother. He’s about a year and a half older than I am, and then an older sister who’s seven years older. So there’s four of us total. But yeah, so growing up, um, didn’t have a, a mom for, for very long and, um, after she passed away, it was really hard for my dad and I have a hard [00:03:00] time saying my dad, but just ’cause of that, the trauma. the history in there. Unfortunately, we were left with our dad and he was abusive and in all ways emotionally, but vocally, all the things. As we got older, I, I thankfully had other. People in my life that weren’t that way. I had my grandma and school teachers that treated me with love. And I soon began to realize how the way that I was being treated at home was very different from the way that I was being treated in other places. And I really liked the way that I was being treated in other places than at home. And at 12 years old. I, I made the courageous act of turning my father in. That was a really hard thing. Amy: Yeah, I. Sheri: But it needed to happen because it was the life I needed, this life that, that, that love that I always felt [00:04:00] from the outside. And I wanted to live that every day. And so heard of this thing called foster care, and you get a new mom and a new dad, and I was like, man. That is exactly what we need. That is exactly what we need. And we’ll be perfect you guys. I promise. My brother was really scared. My sister was like super trusting and so early morning, two hours we ended it outside of school. But as soon as That door opened, we went inside the school and we advocated for ourselves at 12 years old and what was going on and some situations that had happened at home. And thankfully, after about eight hours at school the conversations had ended and the foster care journey had started. And it was hard. That was hard too, but it was much better than what we were dealing with before anything. Give me anything. Foster care’s hard, but it was better. And that’s how it all started for us. For the beginning of that [00:05:00] entering of foster care and, not starting that big, that journey without a mom and then really not starting that journey, a supportive. Father figure that I could look up to I felt that foster care was our golden ticket, and it truly was in a lot of ways. I am so 100% grateful for foster care and yeah, it took me out of a really dark place at home and it was hard. And yeah, then the journey started. Amy: That is, I think that’s a really unusual story. I think a lot of kids come into foster care and they’re trying to hide this trauma And abuse that’s going on and they’re not brave enough to go and tell a trusting adult, Hey, this. Is not okay. So I find that really admirable that you and your siblings were able to do that. That’s really amazing. Sheri: Thank you. Amy: yeah. The bio that you sent over before this episode, it showed that you bounced around quite a bit in foster care. Are you [00:06:00] able or willing to touch on, you know what, so you entered foster care and, and it was a relief in some way, but. What were the hard parts of foster care and where were the pains and the struggles in the foster care system? Sheri: Oh man. See, there’s a polarity of the two, right? Yeah. Where do I begin? Is where my head starts, and I think the beginning of it is, I was eventually separated from my siblings. And, that’s very common in foster care. It’s not something that anybody wants, but unfortunately that’s just sometime is the case. And being separated from my brother, my big brother was one thing, but being separated from my twin sister was. S completely different.  She was the person that I walked into the school with to tell the counselor what was going on at home and she was the person I wanted to grow up with, as sisters do. And so eventually we had, I think about. Two foster [00:07:00] homes together about maybe a year and a half, two years until we were separated. And that was a very big heartache and super, super hard. Still something that today in my life and a her life that we are actively trying to create this relationship and.Kind of fix that gap that we got in foster care. Amy: Yeah. I bet. Sheri: Yeah. Being separated for her was, it was like a, it was like a movie. We had our hands like this until we just couldn’t anymore. It was the most dramatic thing you’d ever see, Amy: Yeah. Sheri: but just definitely shows how much love there is there and how important family is. And yeah. After that I, I went through a lot of homes. Total. There was 13 foster homes from 12 to 18 years old. The longest that I was placed in a home was about 10 months, so never a full year in any home.That [00:08:00] itself created a lot of instability in my life. And actually before I, as I’ve been. This podcast has been coming up for me. I’ve been digging into my past a little bit and getting back into that little girl who was living in that.And something that, I’ve realized and I’ve learned is I’ve kept a ton of journals. That was, That was my outlet, that was the person that I confided in, was my journal. ’cause there were so many therapists, there were so many foster parents. And so the one person that always stuck with me was my journal. And so I’ve just got Amy: What a gift to have that now, wow. That’s cool. Sheri: Yes. And so being able to dive back in that has been such a eye-opening thing. But I’ve got about 10 journals just filled, and I’ve seen just through the process when you open this first journal of this 12-year-old girl, she’s so sweet and she’s excited and innocent and. I hope that I find my mom and dad and just [00:09:00] really have so much faith in that, and that’s something I really have always carried. there’s even still a little something in there still just that love and that faith. But. Throughout the years of foster care from 12 to 18 in those journals, you see this innocence this faith after the many homes to fade away. It’s just a little bit of the hardening. A little bit more of those guards start to come up after each, door of a home. And some homes didn’t work out because for my own preference, it was maybe that family was a very different lifestyle than I could. That would make me genuinely happy. Or, it just didn’twork out on their part too. I’ve had, there was multiple homes that I had that were, they were very young foster parents. One was 27, and then I even had a pair of foster parents that were 23 and being 23 years old now I’m just like. What in the world, where Amy: Having a teenager. Can you imagine? Sheri: yes. And so [00:10:00] I, I have so much grace now for it, Amy: Yeah. Sheri: but it was definitely tough. And

    28 min

  8. 07/08/2025

    Support Through Service

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith and co-host Tami Carson welcome Melina Moore, Utah Foster Care’s Volunteer Services Manager. Melina shares how individuals and organizations can support foster families across the state—not by fostering, but by volunteering. Learn how opportunities like Kids’ Night Out, Service Saturdays, and event support offer much-needed connection and respite to foster families. Hear inspiring stories of volunteers making balloon animals, leading pottery nights, or helping families with yard work. Plus, discover how simple acts of service—like assembling connection kits or hosting mindfulness events—can make a lasting impact. Whether you’re a student, parent, professional, or business owner, there’s a role for you. Find out how volunteers create meaningful connection and contribute to the wellbeing of children and families in foster care. Volunteer with Utah Foster Care: https://utahfostercare.org/get-involved/volunteer/ Learn about Care Communities: https://mycarecommunity.com Key Topics: Why connection and childcare are essential for foster families Types of volunteer roles across Utah Training, background checks, and trauma-informed practices Ways organizations can get involved Heartwarming stories of impact and community

    27 min
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About

Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

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