Fostering Conversations with Utah Foster Care

Utah Foster Care
  • 5.0 (15)
  • Parenting
  • Updated Bimonthly

Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

  1. Oct 13

    Buzzy Bears

    On this episode, we talk with Leadelle Parish about her regulation invention for kids, called Buzzy Bears.  Leadelle discovered the calming effects of bilateral stimulation while managing her own chronic illness, she never imagined it would lead to the creation of the Buzzy Bear. Inspired by the dramatic improvements she saw in her grandchildren’s ability to handle stress and transitions, she set out to create a child-friendly version of a therapeutic tool commonly used in EMDR therapy. In this conversation, Leadelle explains how the Buzzy Bear delivers gentle alternating vibrations that may help calm the nervous system and support emotional regulation. She shares the results of a pilot program with foster families in Vernal, Utah, where caregivers reported meaningful improvements in children’s ability to regulate emotions, manage transitions, and cope with overwhelming feelings. The discussion also explores the unique challenges children in foster care face and how a comforting, therapeutic stuffed animal can provide both emotional support and a practical self-regulation tool. Listeners will learn how individuals and organizations can help place Buzzy Bears into the hands of children entering foster care across Utah. To learn more about Buzzy Bears, visit sosplay.com.  To learn more about foster care or get involved, visit utahfostercare.org. Leadelle Parish Bio Leadelle has grappled with chronic illness for most of her life. Because of this, she monitors stress on her body several ways, including heart rate variability. In 2021, while visiting family on a road trip, she was introduced to bilateral stimulation. Upon receiving this type of therapy, she noticed that her heart rate variability had improved dramatically. She immediately looked for a device that would allow her to continue this therapy on her own time. Several months later, Leadelle noticed that her grandchildren were exhibiting stress when transitioning between the households of their divorced parents. Working on a hunch that if bilateral stimulation was able to help her so significantly it would also benefit children, Leadelle broke out the device she had been using for herself and set it up for her grandchildren. Their little shoulders relaxed, and they started taking deep breaths. After a few minutes, they were calm, regulated, and happily playing with each other. She noticed that if we had the kids utilize bilateral stimulation when returning home after parental visits, they showed reduced signs of stress. An idea started to take root. This was the second beginning. While the device providing bilateral stimulation was helpful, it was also utilitarian, somewhat clunky, and required the assistance of an adult to get it set up. Leadelle remarked that it would be more beneficial if we could find a way to deliver this therapy in a cuddly stuffed animal that kids could access entirely on their own wherever and whenever they needed it. After years of troubleshooting and testing her theory, the buzzy buddies were born. We at SOS Play  are thrilled that we can now share the benefits that come from bilateral stimulation with all of you. We are especially excited to be able to deliver it in an adorable, intuitive, easy way that even young children can grasp quickly. We offer both a toy and a tool for kids, empowering them to take care of their nervous systems. Our goal is to provide an intuitive approach to supporting children, and we believe these bears are a powerful way to accomplish that. Transcript: [00:00:00] On today’s episode of Fostering Conversations, we’re meeting with Leadelle who’s the founder of SOS Play. She has created the Buzzy Bear, which is meant for all kids entering foster care. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Leadelle, who is the founder of SOS Play. Thanks for joining us today. Leadelle: Thank you for having me. I’m so excited to be partnering with Foster Care Amy: yes, I am too. So I am just learning about your product, which is the Buzzy Bear. So tell us a little bit about what the Buzzy Bear is and how this all got started. Leadelle: Yeah. Let me take you back. My story ends with this delightful stuffed animal that delivers a therapeutic called bilateral [00:01:00] stimulation. And you would think it would start with children, but it actually started with me. I have chronic illness, and so I regularly track stress on my system by measuring things like heart rate variability. And in 2021, I was introduced to a therapy called bilateral stimulation. It’s used in therapy regularly to help process trauma safely with therapists. But it’s also helpful independent of therapy just to help regulate and calm the nervous system. So I was– I applied it, I noticed an impact on my heart rate variability, and decided I needed to have it at home. And so I regularly applied bilateral stimulation to myself. My grandchildren were struggling in the transitions between divorced parents’ homes, and so I asked my daughter if she’d be okay if we just applied bilateral stimulation, and she was. And so we were unprepared, though, for the dramatic [00:02:00] response the children had. Their little shoulders came down out of their ears. They started taking these deep, reflexive breaths. They were calm and happy and just regulated. And I was so impressed by it, I thought, “Where’s the teddy bear that delivers this?” It’s– Obviously, it would already exist, right? Because it’s so genius. And I kept looking for EMDR bear, bilateral stimulation teddy bear, stuffed animal, you know, th- stuffed animal that… And I couldn’t find it because it didn’t exist yet. And so we built it, and this cute teddy bear was built to help my grandchildren in their trials and their struggles. it’s just been a remarkable event. I built the first prototypes for Christmas presents in 2024, and then we’ve been working and did development to make a scalable product, and have just started selling. December ’25, we started selling. Amy: Okay. So when you guys first were using this on yourself and then originally on your [00:03:00] grandkids, were you guys just manually doing like tapping, like EMDR type Leadelle: There’s EMDR equipment. So I actually had a piece of EMDR equipment. My aunt is the one that introduced me, and she’s an EMDR therapist. so she handed me her little EMDR machine. She didn’t do any therapy with me. She just said, “I think this would be helpful for you.” And so she handed it to me, and I was like, “I know what that is.” And, it was really helpful. And so I bought a EMDR machine because you can Amy: Yeah. Yeah. But obviously a little kid is not going to be using a machine and hooking it up Leadelle: they did. They did, but it was, yeah, it was clinical and it was utilitarian, and it needed adults to set it up every time, and it just it was helpful. No doubt it was helpful, but it wasn’t easy Amy: Okay. So tell us a little bit about what bilateral stimulation is. I think a lot of people know the term EMDR. M- maybe they don’t know what it is, but they’ve heard it. But bilateral stimulation is a little bit more[00:04:00] Leadelle: Yeah, abstract. Absolutely. So when you understand it, you’ll understand the term. Bilateral stimulation is simply triggering the right side of the body and the left side of the body alternately. And so you can do it tactically, you can do it with sound, you can do it with light, with vision. And they use all of those in processing trauma with therap- therapy. The bear delivers tactile bilateral stimulation, so it will have a motor in one paw that will vibrate, and then the other side will vibrate. And if you’re hugging the bear or if you’re holding the paws, you’re getting that trigger. And what they theorize, th- there really isn’t solid understanding, but they theorize that by triggering the right side of the body and the left side of the body, you trigger the left side of the brain and the right side of the b- brain alternately, and that mimics REM sleep and allows you to process safely Amy: Yeah, so I mean, this is a scientific thing that you’ve put into a cute, comfy, stuffy Exactly. Yes I love that. So tell us a little bit– [00:05:00] You said you’ve just started selling them last year but you have decided that kids in foster care would really benefit from this. As you say, it is to help process trauma, to help regulate, and all kids need this, right? But especially a child in foster care who’s experiencing an immense amount of trauma. So tell us a little bit about how you got connected with foster care and what your goal is with the foster care program. Leadelle: Yeah. I was at a, a mental health conference at UVU, and a foster mom who’s a therapist found me and found the bear, and she was so excited and came back and talked to me a couple different times and she said, “This needs to be in foster care,” and I started to cry, and I just… I had a physiological response. I knew that sh- what she was saying was true for me, and I had to figure it out. And I didn’t know what I was doing. I had not been involved in foster care. I don’t have foster experiences. But she had connections with a coordinator and had me [00:06:00] call and c- you know, I just got some information got maybe the scope of the land a little bit, the lay of the land, and I really was shooting in the dark for how to accomplish this. But what… I had a benefactor that I- had told me when I started that he would help me place bears in places that it could make an, a big impact, and I believe foster care was that, was exactly that. And so I drew up that favor, called up that favor and said, “Let’s do it. Let’s do a pilot, and let’s just see if it’s helpful.” Because some kids that have had trauma, for some kids that have had trauma, bilateral stimulation can be a little bit

  2. Sep 14

    Care Community Impact

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes Tami Jenny, Jenny, and Lexi to discuss the growing impact of the Care Communities program. Together, they explore how groups of volunteers provide meaningful, trauma-informed support to foster families across Utah.  Listeners will learn: What a Care Community is and how volunteers support foster families. Why people who are not foster parents can still make a significant difference. How trauma-informed training equips volunteers to better support children and caregivers. Real-life examples of providing meals, transportation, childcare, emotional support, and practical help. The importance of reducing isolation and building trusted relationships around foster families. How communities, businesses, faith groups, and individuals can get involved. To learn more visit carecommunities.org The conversation highlights the power of surrounding foster families with consistent support and demonstrates that anyone, regardless of life stage or experience, can play a role in strengthening foster care in their community. Transcript: [00:00:00] On today’s episode of Fostering Conversations, we’ll be talking about the Care Communities program, how to get involved, and how great it is to be a part of. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Tami Jenny and Lexi joining us, who all work for Utah Foster Care. Thanks for joining us, you guys. Tami: Thanks for having us Jenny: Glad to be here Amy: All of you are involved in the Care Communities program. Lexi’s the director over communications, but she is the leader of a Care Community, so she’s joining us with that perspective today. So maybe let’s have, Tammy or Jenny just explain to us briefly what Care Communities is, and then we’ll dive [00:01:00] into how people can get involved, Lexi’s experience as a care team leader Tami: I would love for Jenny to introduce the Care Communities program. She’s one of our coordinators and our statewide trainer for the program Jenny: Absolutely. So the Care Communities program is a program that gathers eight to 10 individuals in a community, whether it’s faith-based, just community-based, business-based, to be able to surround one foster family with support, practical, emotional, and, physical supports to b- help them be able to better provide, care for the children, that come into their homes that come from hard places Amy: Yeah. So what I love about Care Communities is that it gives the opportunity for our community members to participate in the foster care experience without being a foster parent, because not everybody can be a foster parent. It is quite taxing, and you do need to have the time and ability to be able to do that. But Lexi is a care team leader. Lexi, tell us a little bit about [00:02:00] why you wanted to become a care team leader Lexi: Yeah. So I was actually already working at Utah Foster Care when I decided I wanted to be part of a care community or a care team. and I’ve just always had such a soft spot in my heart for, foster families and kids in care and just wanting to help and be involved and, have lots of really cool, great opportunities to do that, obviously through work. But, my position’s a little more behind the scenes, less involved one-on-one directly with the families and so I was still missing that piece or wanting that piece, in my life. And so I was like, “Yeah, I have extra hours during the month that I’d love to just spend helping out, directly with a foster family and kids in care.” I reached out to Tammy and said, “Hey, I… Is it a conflict of interest if I also join the care team working here at Utah Foster Care?” And she said, “No, absolutely not. Go right ahead.” And, it’s been great to put the team together, and we’ve been serving, a [00:03:00] family in our area since, since May, so about the last, six months or so. Amy: Okay. And how did it all come about? So you are the care community team leader. Did you recruit friends? Did… How does that happen? if somebody’s like, “I wanna be involved in this,” what do they have to do? Lexi: Yeah, absolutely. There’s a couple ways to go about it. there’s the inquiry form online on, UtahCareCommunities.org that people can just go to register or fill out a form and say, “Hey, I’m interested in being part of a care team.” the cool part about that is behind the scenes, the care communities coordinators are, gathering all of these inquiries and trying to put together teams from, individuals in the community, and form a team that way. The way it worked, for me, though, is I, just had a connection with my church, being in a leadership position and just knowing a lot of people around me, so I started recruiting, a few other volunteers to come join me. I said, “Hey, there’s this really awesome volunteer [00:04:00] opportunity. it’s a little bit longer of a commitment,” right? It’s not a one-time service thing. It’s six months to a year, which makes it, for me, super meaningful because you really get to know the people, and it’s just great. So I did a little bit of recruiting, to get some people, and then my care communities coordinator, for my regional area, she’s like, “Hey, there’s actually another young adult group that’s trying to form a team. You each have about five people. What would you think about joining forces to create one team and serve someone a l- in the middle demographically?” And that’s what we did. Amy: Okay, that’s awesome. So that’s great to know for community members. They can create a team, or if they fill out that inquiry, it then goes to Jenny or whoever is that local person who then can start working on putting people together. Is it based on location or what is it based on? Jenny: Yeah, it’s based on, we try to group the teams together by geographic location because we want to make it, the least, challenging to be able to [00:05:00] serve these families. And so when we can group p- people together in a geographic location, it helps. It Amy: that makes sense. Yeah, like you wanna make it the least inconvenient, Jenny: Yes. Amy: want this person to be close to you and accessible. So okay, I love that, that you can create like your own start or just reach out and be like, “Hey, I’m willing. Send me where you need me to go,” kind of situation. So that’s awesome. Lexi, what has been your experience… I guess I’m getting ahead of myself. After you guys created the team, you then go to a trauma-informed training. Is that correct? So tell us a little bit about that, and then maybe Jenny or Tammy can also contribute, what kind of information and what help these trainings offer Lexi: Yeah. the training was really wonderful. Jenny was actually the one who taught, or provided the training for our group. and it’s such a wonderful experience. It’s the first time… there’s a little bit of administrative stuff the first few weeks in creating a care team because this is a, a little bit longer term, opportunity to serve. You’re [00:06:00] getting everyone on board. Once all the team members have said, “Yep, we understand the program. We’ve signed all the confidentiality stuff. we’re good to go,” then we meet together in person. And so that’s all the team members and the foster family, which is really great. we get to sit and talk with the parents, get to know them, they get to know us. And then the trauma-informed training is so wonderful, and I think it’s really the key piece of Care Communities being successful and as meaningful of a program as it is. because there’s just differences. There’s things that people aren’t exposed to or familiar with, in supporting children who have experienced trauma, whether it’s behaviors or, just situations that might come up that the trauma-informed training really gives you a solid background and understanding to say, “Oh, I remember learning about this. this is still unfamiliar to me, but I feel like now I have tools of like I remember in the training they said, to try this or do that.” and [00:07:00] really I’ve found, the training helpful to lean back on as well as other members of our care team. It’s been really great. Amy: I think if nothing else, it, it shows you that, what maybe you’re seeing or experiencing is normal per se, because I think in society we’re not super trauma informed. I was very, not totally unaware I should say, until I became a foster parent. And even in that training I’m like, “No, these people are crazy,” this doesn’t really happen. And then you kids come and you’re like, “Oh my gosh, they were not lying. This is actually true.” So I think if anything, it just helps you be like, “Okay, this is,what is involved here.” So I love that. Lexi: it sets everyone up for success, which I think is great. It makes the service the most meaningful for the foster family, because you’re helping them in the ways that they need to be helped because you understand the context. It helps you be better prepared to support the kiddos, and it just helps you as a volunteer know, not only know what you’re getting into, but [00:08:00] again, feeling equipped in that you have the tools to continue serving and volunteering Amy: Yeah. And I think as a foster parent too, just having people that are your corner and understand, if this kid has a total meltdown or does this or that, I’m not gonna be judged by these people. Because I think as a foster parent, that can be really overwhelming sometimes. “Oh, great, they’re gonna think this or that,” and that is stressful and this is supposed to be something that lightens the load, not adds another layer that a foster parent has to be concerned about. Jenny or Tami what experiences have you guys had giving these trainings and, what good have you seen from these

  3. Aug 13

    Comfort and Care

    “Every single child deserves a foundation. Every child deserves to know there’s someone there rooting them on, and every child deserves to know what it feels like to be loved unconditionally.” — Rob Scheer Episode 74: Comfort and Care What happens when a child enters foster care carrying everything they own in a trash bag? For Rob Scheer, it is more than a heartbreaking image. It is a reality he lived. In this powerful episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with foster care advocate, author, and Comfort Cases founder Rob Scheer to discuss his journey from foster youth and homelessness to becoming a nationally recognized champion for children in care. Together, they explore the urgent need for dignity, support, and community in the foster care system. Key Takeaways Children in Foster Care Need More Than a Place to Stay A new placement can be frightening and uncertain. Something as simple as pajamas, a blanket, toiletries, and a stuffed animal can help a child feel seen, valued, and cared for on one of the hardest nights of their life. Dignity Matters Rob Scheer founded Comfort Cases after seeing firsthand how foster youth were still carrying their belongings in trash bags. Today, the organization provides backpacks, duffel bags, essential items, mentorship opportunities, and scholarships to young people in care. A Forever Family Can Come at Any Age One of the most touching moments of the episode is the story of Alex, a foster youth who aged out of care but eventually found permanence through adult adoption into the Scheer family. Healing Often Begins with Forgiveness Rob Scheer candidly shares his struggles with addiction, suicide attempts, and the difficult process of forgiving his parents. His story is a reminder that healing is not linear, but hope is always possible.   Support for Youth Aging Out of Foster Care Comfort Cases offers: Scholarships for trade schools, colleges, and continuing education Mentorship opportunities Support resources for foster youth and young adults Comfort Cases and Comfort XL duffel bags for children entering care   Connect With Comfort Cases and Utah Foster Care Learn more about foster care, adoption, and ways to support children and families in your community: Visit Comfort Cases to learn more. https://utahfostercare.org

  4. Jul 7

    Fostering in Small Towns

    In this heartfelt episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with Ellie Barlow, a dedicated foster parent from a rural Utah community. Ellie shares her family’s remarkable journey fostering 22 children, adopting five, and navigating the unique challenges of raising high-needs youth far from urban resources. From building a thriving support system in a small town to parenting children with trauma, autism, and medical fragility, Ellie offers honest insight and practical wisdom for foster and adoptive families alike. The conversation highlights the importance of partnership in marriage, trauma-informed care, community involvement, and the powerful beauty of reunification. What You’ll Learn What fostering looks like in rural communities How to prepare for high-needs placements Why being on the same page with your partner is critical The impact of trauma-informed parenting tools like TBRI How to build a support system when resources are limited The emotional realities of foster care and reunification Key Topics Covered Rural foster care challenges and creative solutions Supporting children with trauma, RAD, and autism The importance of training and ongoing education Community support and how others can help foster families Emotional resilience and self-care strategies A powerful reunification story that redefines success Memorable Takeaway Foster care is both deeply challenging and profoundly meaningful. As Ellie shares, “You don’t have to be perfect to step in. Showing up with consistency, compassion, and commitment can change lives.”

  5. Jun 9

    Pride in Every Home

    In this special Pride Month episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith speaks with Jessica and Giselle, a Utah foster care couple, about their journey into fostering and building a loving, inclusive family. They share how a chance encounter at a community event led them to foster care, ultimately resulting in the adoption of their first placement and the addition of another sibling to their home. Their story highlights the importance of representation, support, and belonging for children in care, especially those who identify as LGBTQ+. This episode explores: What it’s like to foster as an LGBTQ+ family Why belonging matters for every child How foster parents can support youth who come out The role of community, acceptance, and chosen family Simple ways anyone can be an ally Jessica and Giselle offer practical advice for foster parents and encouraging words for youth navigating identity and acceptance. Their message is clear: every child deserves to feel safe, celebrated, and loved. Learn more about supporting LGBTQ+ youth in foster care: Visit the Utah Foster Care LGBTQ+ Resource Page Transcript: ep72_jun26 [00:00:00] Happy Pride Month. This episode, we’re talking with Jessica and Giselle, a local lesbian couple who shares their insights on what it’s like to be part of the LGBTQ+ community Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Jessica and Giselle who are licensed Utah foster care parents, and we are excited to have them. Thanks for being with us today. Jessica: Thank you. We’re excited to be here. Amy: It’s June, it’s Pride Month, and you are a local L-G-B-T-Q family, and we are excited to get your perspective on what that is like. So tell us a little bit about what got you into fostering. Just give us [00:01:00] a little bit of background so our listeners kind of know who they’re listening to. Jessica: Yeah, I’m Jessica, my wife Giselle is right here with me. We have always wanted a family. We’ve been together almost six years and we just, we always knew that we wanted kids eventually. As you do know, there are lots of ways for LGBTQ plus families to start a family, And we started really looking into all the options. We looked into adoption, we looked into IVF, we did look into foster care a little bit initially and. We kind of were thinking it was gonna go a different route. We actually went in 2023 on Mother’s Day. We went to the zoo where they were having a Mother’s day celebration. And there were different organizations there. And we had gotten an email from the zoo and they said that someone was there and they were gonna be giving away. an IVF. To a family so you could enter into this contest and you could potentially win the chance to do IVF because as a lot of you know, it’s not cheap. We thought, let’s go, let’s take our chances, let’s go enter [00:02:00] in and see what the universe has in store for us and. Actually, that’s where we met with Utah Foster Care. They had a booth set up. We actually ended up having a conversation there with Esmeralda from Utah Foster Care, and she was so helpful. She spoke Spanish, which was helpful for my wife, who speaks Spanish. She was answering all of our questions. it really just sparked that interest for us and we hadn’t really. Actually fully considered doing foster care until that conversation. So that was really special, that, that’s kind of what started it off for us. And then we became foster parents. About a year later. We had a couple life things come up. I got an injury and we weren’t ready to start right away. But when we did officially become licensed in 20, 24, about a month after we got our license, we got our first placement. And that first placement was who we just adopted in January of this year. And. We also have his younger half brother that was placed with us as well last summer. So [00:03:00] we’ve just, we’re just growing and expanding and, Amy: Yeah, I love that. Okay, so you’re saying that the booths work. I feel really good about this. I love that. I love that you guys went in with a different, like purpose essentially, and then your eyes were open to something else, like that’s really cool. So have you guys had any other placements besides these two siblings? Jessica: No, actually they’ve been the only, only two placements. We were kind of one of the odd ones, I guess, that adopted our very first placement, so I know that’s not always the case, but. Amy: It’s not, but you know what I’ve learned in foster care is that nothing is normal. You just never know. So I love that. That’s amazing. So tell us a little bit about the process of becoming licensed. Did you feel any barriers or things as an L-G-B-T-Q couple? Jessica: I do feel like in some ways I think we felt more needed. I do remember pretty early on hearing the statistics that about, and correct me if I’m wrong, about [00:04:00] 30% of foster kids end up identifying as LGBTQ plus. So I do remember thinking like, oh, wow, those are crazy numbers. And how special would it be for us to be there and to be able to have our start with foster care and to be able to just be there to even if it didn’t end up in adoption, we would’ve loved to have that positive impact. Even if it was just a temporary thing where there’s reunification as the goal, then we were happy to be there for however long in a child’s life as that was gonna be. And yeah, I think we felt pretty early on that that this was a good place for us. That there was a lot of inclusion and a lot of , a need for just having that diversity and having that acceptance. Amy: Yeah, I love that. I know that’s spoken of so much, and so to actually hear your experience that is what it felt like and was that I love that because there is, there, is a huge need for it. Have you guys been able to participate in a cluster, the group that, Around the LGBTQ community. Have you guys been able to participate in any of those types [00:05:00] of events? Jessica: We haven’t specifically, which is awful. I know Amy: No, it’s not. Jessica: invited. Yeah, it is very busy. Yeah. And we have met couple of the people that help run those groups. They’re amazing people. And we do go to other activities and other events where we can, and it’s, yeah. It’s been nice though to know that those resources are there and that those other. Activities are happening, that those meetings are happening. Like it’s, it is wonderful to know that, and I think that is, again, initially that is something that really was a positive impact on our decision to become foster parents, was knowing that. It’s not just, Hey, , we are inclusive of everyone. They didn’t just say it on paper. They were actually doing the things that show that they care about the LGBTQ plus community. There were actually those things in place to help. We are very happy that they exist and Amy: Love Jessica: we need to start attending those. Yeah. Amy: It’s tricky, especially if you have younger kids. A lot of those are geared towards the teens in the community, so that’s totally fair. And life is busy. [00:06:00] Foster parents are busy. So I totally get that. One of the things that Utah Foster Care says a lot is that every child deserves belonging. So what’s that kind of mean to you guys? Jessica: the term belonging. doesn’t just exist for LGBTQ plus. I think that can be for anyone that’s different, anyone that feels outta place. And I think of course it’s especially important for our LGBTQ plus children that that need those safe homes. And. Us being in that community ourselves, I think has a whole new meaning. We can apply our own personal experience, the things that were said, that were helpful, the things that were maybe hurtful, and kind of take what we’ve learned from our own personal experiences and say I. We’re never gonna be that kind of parent to our kids because that was hurtful or the opposite. Luckily in our cases were was true that we both had very accepting families, very accepting friends and support systems that as we came out and as we. Decided, Hey, we’re gonna, we’re gonna start a family. We’re gonna do this. We [00:07:00] had so much love and so much support and a lot of right things were said, and a lot of right things were done. So just knowing that, like we want to give that as well. All the love that we’ve already received, like we have so much to give as well. I think that belonging is important for every child regardless of how they identify. Amy: Yeah, absolutely. And like you said at very beginning, , we need to belong in so many different aspects. There’s so many clubs, groups, places to belong that, that every human needs, I would love if you would be willing to share, As foster parents, what are things that maybe we have a child in our care that comes out while they’re in our care? What do we do as foster parents? Jessica: I think what was helpful for me specifically, I didn’t come out in my youth. I was much older when I came out. I was about 24, 23 or so. But I can imagine having come out as a youth and I can. I can imagine the anxiety, the stress, the the fear of, how is this person gonna react? Especially [00:08:00] being in Utah, it’s a little more conservative. A lot of people come from a religious, background and unfortunately you hear stories and these stories are real things that happen to real people. And unfortunately, there are a lot of reactions that are not positive and that are not great. Things that helped me and things that were said to me from my own family was just, this change is nothing. We love you. We still want the best for you. We still want you to get married. We still want you to have kids. If that’s what you choose to do, and we’re here for you, and just helping to take that fear away of. Am I gonna be kicked outta my family? Am I gon

  6. May 12

    First-Time Fostering

    In this episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith welcomes back Laura from Foster Parenting to discuss her first book, First Time Fostering. Designed as a practical field guide, the book brings together real-world strategies, scripts, and community-sourced wisdom to support new foster and kinship caregivers. Laura explains why she created a manual that caregivers can jump into by topic, rather than reading cover to cover. The conversation explores how the book helps families who are licensed, waiting for placement, or already feeling overwhelmed. They dive into what caregivers can control inside their homes, from building trust and connection to handling sleep, food, boundaries, and hard conversations.  Amy and Laura also discuss preparing friends and family for fostering, responding to inappropriate questions, advocating with caseworkers, knowing when to say no to a placement, and supporting permanent children already in the home. This episode offers reassurance, validation, and practical tools for foster parents at every stage. In this episode, you’ll hear: Why First Time Fostering was written as a practical, topic-based field guide How new foster parents can use the book when they feel overwhelmed What caregivers can control inside their homes, even when the system feels chaotic The power of scripts and role-play for hard parenting moments How to prepare friends, family, and community before placements arrive Ways to respond to inappropriate or insensitive questions Why saying no to a placement can sometimes be the most supportive choice The importance of putting agreements with caseworkers in writing How fostering impacts permanent children in the home Why flexibility and reassessment are essential throughout the year Resources mentioned: First Time Fostering by Laura Available through major retailers via https://firsttimefostering.com Follow Laura on Instagram at Foster.Parenting Learn more about foster care in Utah at Utah Foster Care Transcript Amy: Tune in to today’s episode we chat with Laura from Foster Parenting. Talking about her first book a must read for all foster parents. Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Laura from Foster Parenting. That is what she’s known for on her Instagram, and she’s joining us again for the second podcast and we’re so excited to have her. Thanks for being here, Laura. Laura: Thanks so much for having me back. Amy: I’m excited because you are putting out a book. Yes, I’m excited and , all of the feelings.So I was privileged enough to get to read the book, so I’m excited to chat with you about it today. Tell us the name of the book and then tell us why you wrote this. Laura: So it’s called First Time Fostering. And I wrote it because a lot of people were asking for it. That was the start is everyone’s like, I binged all your videos, but I wish I could have this all written down. there’s so much in the comments, but like, how do I put it all together? And so I was like. you know, maybe I could do some blog posts, which I started doing. But then that became like another thing to look through and figure out and navigate. And I know that, new foster and kinship providers don’t have a lot of time. They’re in the weeds. And so I really wanted to get all of that. Rich information shared on my platform from the community all in one spot. And so that is the book. It’s everything compiled together into one place to support, new caregivers. Amy: I love that because the very first thing I think that you say in the book is this is a manual. You can read the whole thing through. You can just go by topic. And it is from the very beginning, it is so well organized that it’s truly like,okay, I need help with this specific topic. Okay, this page, bam. I love that. Laura: I really was just drawing from, what I’ve been doing online for, the last few years is people come to me for a very specific, like, oh, we haven’t been sleeping. what are we doing wrong? Or , what am I not thinking of? And so that was the thought process is okay, let’s just talk about maybe the pain point and go to that specific place of the book. I also, prefer books like that so I can find an answer quickly. Amy: The second I started reading, I was kinda laughing at myself because there’s so many books that people recommend to foster families and you’re like, cool, I have to read the 700 page book, and half of it is scientific language that I don’t know. your Book was not overwhelming, I loved. Laura: And I think there are so many books out there that support in different ways, right? It is important to understand child development, how trauma affects the brain, all of the different parenting methods and, therapeutic interventions. and so I did wanna create something that was different, I didn’t wanna replicate a lot of the great things already out there I wanted to add to it and create something different. Amy: I think you succeeded so beautifully. Laura: Thank you. I try to be practical and to the point. Amy: This is such an easily used book, people that are considering foster care, this is really what it looks like. I think what we’re gonna chat a little bit more today is these families that are licensed, maybe they’re waiting for their first placement, or maybe they have their first placement a few weeks in. How does this book help them now? Laura: And that is the goal, right? It’s the field guide. So here we are, we’re ready to go. we’re about to say yes, or we’ve just said yes. Now what? And my hope is that people will, take a bullet point here and there and feel confident as they navigate some of these brand new situations. And for me, I was a first time parent too. And so it was important for me to include. extra info for those of us who maybe don’t have that context and don’t understand, this whole other world of parenting that we’re just being introduced to for the first time. Amy: that’s so true. that was not how I came into foster parenting. I had parented for 12 plus years, and then brought in kids, and so I think. That’s a really good insight that you have into that because there are so many foster parents who have never parented before, and I wouldn’t have even considered that. So I love that you have that consideration and that perspective. Laura: Thank you. Amy: So let’s talk about when someone is like, I am in over my head. What am I doing? They grab your book. What should they do with that book? Laura: Okay. So if they’re already in a place where they’ve said yes, and they’re like in over their head, then I think going straight to part two, which is the middle of the book, the crux of the book, and that is all of the interventions and things you can do within your home, because that the end of the day, is what we can control. Amy: For sure. We’re not waiting on a therapist. We’re not waiting on this or that. Laura: Yeah, there’s so much of foster care and foster parenting that we have no control over, and it can be really frustrating and disheartening as well. And so I wanted to provide as much information as possible of things we can control. Which is our caregiving. It’s our day-to-day life with children in our home. And so what I would encourage someone to do if they’re feeling overwhelmed, is to go to part two. And, part two opens up some of the foundational parenting skills of foster parents where we talk about. I hate the word basics. I need a better word for that, but it’s the starting point of what we do. And that starts with, you know, points of connection, instilling trust and bonding with our kids and different ways to do that. And then, you could also go to a very specific place, maybe you’re struggling with finding foods that they will eat or they’re up a lot at night. You could go to that very specific chapter, to help you and brainstorm some fresh ideas if you’re stuck. Amy: tell us how you came up with all the different topics. Like you’re saying the, the section two has these tangible ways to help. How did you come up with those specific topics? Laura: I, spent many years listening to the community and there is definitely themes that come up and, in my previous career life I was in, consumer market research. I was a moderator and focus groups and qualitative research. And pulling insights from community members is something that I have naturally done professionally. And so it was very interesting to me to see. What was coming up over and over and over again. And I would even ask what’s the basic skill that you’re doing in your house every single day? And I would hear from thousands of people. And so it was really just narrowing down like this is the key things that people are talking about. And obviously grounded in my personal experiences too, things that I’m doing on a day-to-day basis. I would hear about all the different parts of the day, this is troubling. Or this kid’s experience neglect and it’s impacting. every part of the day with different nuances, and so I tried to break it through to just be as practical as possible to meet you in those moments. Like here we are at the dinner table, I’ve met you there. Here’s some things you can think about. Amy: I love in your book, and this is I think the majority of your Instagram as well, are these script or these narratives or these role playing essentially, where you show what the kid might be doing and then you show what the caregiver, how they would respond. And I think those are really invaluable because you can tell someone, Hey, this is what it could look like. But when actually read or hear or see. See on your Instagram, someone role playing. It just clicks a little more and gives you a little more confidence to engage in that. Laura: Yeah, I was a little worried if that would translate to the page because I think, t

  7. Apr 7

    Still Standing

    In this powerful episode of Fostering Conversations, host Amy Smith sits down with former foster youth Carlos Rios Redd to talk about lived experience in foster care, sibling separation, adoption disruption, resilience, and hope. Carlos entered foster care as a baby, lived in more than ten homes, and experienced three adoptions. Despite repeated trauma and instability, Carlos shares how relationships, faith, and supportive families helped shape the life he leads today. Now married and working as a K9 handler with the Utah Highway Patrol, Carlos reflects on how growing up in foster care influenced his compassion, maturity, and commitment to service. His story offers meaningful insight for foster parents, youth currently in care, and professionals who work within the child welfare system. In this episode, we discuss: What it is like to grow up in foster care and experience multiple adoptions The impact of sibling separation and staying connected Reconnecting with biological siblings after years apart Being a permanent child in a fostering household Resilience, healing, and allowing yourself to be loved Advice for youth currently in foster care Why maintaining relationships matters long after placements end Carlos speaks honestly about trauma without bitterness and shares why he believes connection is one of the most powerful tools for healing. Resources mentioned in this episode: Learn more about foster care in Utah: Utah Foster Care If you are a foster parent, considering fostering, or supporting youth in care, this episode offers perspective that is both grounding and hopeful. Transcript; Speaker: Join us for one of the most important aspects of foster care, former foster youth. Today we talk with Carlos who has gone through multiple homes and multiple adoption, and now he’s thriving. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have a former foster youth, Carlos Rios-Redd. Thanks for being with us today, Carlos. Carlos: thank you for the invitation. Glad to be here. Amy: Yeah, we’re so excited to chat with you. I think this is one of the most important sides of foster care to discuss is the lived experience. So would you just introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about your story? Carlos: My name’s Carlos Rios-Redd shred. I grew up in foster care through the system about at a year old, and then lived through, 10 homes within 10 years and been adopted three different times. And, I guess left the system through adoption at the age of 14, but really never left because we always had kids coming into our home as well. So I was able to see both sides of the spectrum on, on the foster care system. Amy: Yeah. So you’ve been, had the lived experience and also had then youth come into your home as the permanent sibling, so that’s awesome. So tell us a little bit about, I think it’s very unusual and honestly unfortunate that you were adopted three different times. Are you able to tell us a little bit about that? Carlos: Sure. Yeah. So the first adoption was coming from California to Utah to Blanding where our family brought us over. And we were with them for about two years and there was a lot of abuse that happened within the home. And one day they decided that they didn’t want us anymore, my brother and I, and left us at the DCFS office. Our caseworker came in and said, Hey, we gotta find you a home by the end of the day for you guys to move into. We’re gonna go gather your things because these parents don’t want you at the home anymore. So we’re gonna try to figure things out. Amy: adopted at that Yeah. Carlos: Legally adopted. It was about two years with the so we made it from. it was about 2005 when we moved over to Blanding here in Utah. Amy: And then Okay. Carlos: it was Amy: 2007. So then what did that look like? Do you remember being at that? Do, you were young, but do you remember being at that office or do you Carlos: remember I do. Yeah. So specifically that day, the office, they have a like a child’s room where they have the TV and the toys or whatever, and our caseworker just said, Hey, go in here, we’re gonna talk with your parents. And in my head, it was one of just general meetings that they have after adoption just to make sure things are going good. And then the next thing you know, we get told we are moving to a different house. Amy: Holy. Carlos: cow. Amy: then you guys go to another foster home? Carlos: Yep. We go through another foster home and then another foster home. And then we landed in a place where we were there for about two and a half years. And that was probably the first time ever felt that a family loved my brother and I. And we got really close with them. And then unfortunately, the judge said, you’re taking too much time with these kids and we’re gonna remove them and put ’em in a different home. Amy: Oh my goodness. Okay. So that one wasn’t the foster family’s Carlos: No, that was the judge’s decision. Amy: Wow, Carlos: Yeah, and to my understanding is that it was just because the parents wanted to do a guardianship instead of a full adoption and the judge didn’t like that idea and so they removed us from the home. Amy: Oh my goodness. Okay, so then you’ve reentered foster care again. Carlos: So then we moved to a different home, which brought us up to Brigham City from the south east corner. So totally opposite ends of the state. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: Yes. We were only there for six months and then things weren’t going well there. Amy: They did? Carlos: No, it was very quick on how they did it and came and picked us up and brought us back down to Blanding after the six months. Amy: Holy cow. And is that where your permanent home? Carlos: No, that, No. Amy: oh my gosh. Carlos: And so then there was another home after that, which was with a previous family that we, or he had been with. Amy: Okay. Carlos: So we were familiar with them. And then came our second adoptive family. Which I, at the time was really good friends with one of their kids. Amy: Okay. Carlos: Okay. and they’re good people. So this isn’t anything to say they’re bad ’cause they’re not. Almost everyone that I’ve ever lived with, I am on very good terms with. Amy: That’s amazing. Carlos: So we went to their home and we’re with them. how old was I? I was probably about, I think I was 10. And we were with them for maybe a year to a year and a half, somewhere around there. And then they had the idea to reconnect us with our family in California. Amy: Okay. Carlos: And so we went down there for Christmas, I don’t recall the year, but for Christmas, and spent Christmas with them and was able to see my sister and my mom, and reconnect that way. And then they said, we would like for you guys to spend the rest of the school year there and we’ll come back in May, June, whenever the school year ends and bring you back home. Just so that way we could just have that relationship with your biological family. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: And then things would’ve fallen out with that, with kind of some financial support or just in general just talking with them. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: And it’s sparked kind of an investigation or a curiosity with my brother and he got into my sister’s phone and saw messages that patients have seen. Yeah, that caused a lot of legal trouble for that family. Amy: For the adoptive family? Carlos: Yes. For the adoptive family. And they were getting charged with child neglect and child abandonment, because there was really no intention for them to come back and get us. Amy: Sure. Carlos: Which again, I haven’t been able to see the fully disclosed like the documents of the court which I’ve been trying to get, but the GRAMA request isn’t. Amy: I’m sure. Carlos: They’re being hard with that. But just speaking with several people was I don’t think their intentions were bad. I think the intentions was like, let’s get these kids back with their family if they’d like. But with the charges going on and them potentially facing jail time, my now family said these are good people. Don’t charge them. We’ll take the kids. Drop the charges. And that’s what they did. They dropped the charges and everything with that adoptive family and my brother, they came and picked us up June 4th of 2012, 6 in the morning. I remember I was staying with my sister. Six in the morning they picked us up and we drove all the way back in a day to Blanding and moved in with the Reds now, my adoptive family. And then after a little bit my brother returned to a previous family that we had lived with and was adopted by them. And so his last name is Black and my last name is Redd. Amy: That worked out. Carlos: it’s funny. I like to tell that. So a lot of stuff happened within all those families that we lived in. And again, like I said, I don’t have no hard feelings against any of the families that I’ve ever lived with. Amy: Yeah. Carlos: Which is really incredible because you really shouldn’t have been bounced around that much. Amy: Yeah. But unfortunately it is your life experience. Carlos: Yeah. I mean honestly, looking back, I would not give it up because I think it’s made me to who I am today. Amy: That’s amazing. That is an incredible perspective. So tell us a little bit about what it was like being with your biological family. How did that, like how was reconnecting with them initially when you were 10 or so years old? Carlos: It was weird to start off with. Amy: Because really they’re strangers, right? Carlos: Yeah. The last time I saw them was when I was five. I’m the baby of seven. Out of biological siblings I have half siblings and a couple full siblings. And I never really got reconnected with the two older siblings very much. I don’t, and I still don’t really know them very well. But the others I’m very cl

  8. Mar 10

    Reunification

    In Episode 69, Amy Smith sits down with longtime foster and adoptive mom Crystal Dukes for a heartfelt conversation about the real purpose of foster care: reunification. Crystal shares her family’s journey fostering more than 30 children, adopting through both private adoption and foster care, and developing deep, lasting relationships with biological families. This episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it truly means to support reunification even when it’s challenging, emotional, and full of unknowns. What We Discuss • Why reunification is the primary goal of foster care • Crystal’s early experiences as a new foster parent and the mindset shift she had to make • The story of two young brothers placed in her home and how their mother’s gratitude changed everything • Navigating a Safe Haven baby placement and ultimately adopting her youngest son • Maintaining meaningful relationships with biological families long after reunification • The emotional complexity of children moving between homes • How foster families can cheerlead, support, and build trust with parents • A multi‑year case that transformed into a true village of caregivers • Advice for new or prospective foster parents • Why openness, compassion, and connection benefit everyone involved Key Takeaways • Foster care works best when caregivers approach it as a team effort with biological families. • Kids thrive when they can remain connected to parents, grandparents, and others who love them. • Reunification can be challenging but often leads to beautiful, long‑term relationships. • Supporting parents and honoring their role makes the experience healthier for children. • The more people loving a child, the better. Resources Mentioned Learn more about foster care in Utah at: https://www.utahfostercare.org About Our Guest Crystal Dukes is a former foster parent, adoptive mom, and advocate for reunification. Over seven years she and her husband cared for approximately 30 children, building ongoing relationships with many of the families they supported. Her compassionate, connection‑driven approach provides valuable insight for anyone exploring foster care. Listen & Subscribe New episodes of Fostering Conversations are released regularly. Subscribe on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss a conversation that matters. Transcript: Speaker: On today’s episode, we’ll be talking to a former foster adoptive mom about reunification. The entire goal of foster care is to reunify the kids in our home join us. Amy: Welcome to Fostering Conversations. I’m your host, Amy Smith. Today we have Crystal Dukes, who is a foster and adoptive mom, and we are so glad to chat with her today. Thanks for being here, Crystal. Crystal: Thank you so much for having me. Amy: So we wanna just start off by letting our audience know who you are. So tell us a little bit about yourself. my name’s Crystal Jewkes like Amy said, and,My husband and I have been married for 27 years, and we have four kids of our own. We’ve had about 30 kids in and out of our homes, many of which we’re still, in contact with in one way or another. and it’s been a while. we were foster parents for seven years. our older kids actually are adopted and that’s what put got us, interested in foster care is to it, to go that route. Okay. Yeah. So you guys had adopted domestically or internationally? Privately, essentially. And then did foster care Crystal: an agency here. Yep. Amy: Okay. Okay, cool. So you’ve experienced both situations of adoption. That’s awesome. That’s really neat. So today’s podcast, we wanna focus on reunification. So we’ll start with that. The goal of foster care is to reunify these kids, right? We want them to go home, but what has your experience been while working towards reunification with the kids that have come through your home? Crystal: I actually absolutely love this topic because, we have to go into it that way, or it’s, makes it so much harder. And for everyone. And that is the number one most important thing, whether you’re open to adopting or just fostering, that is absolutely so important to understand. especially anyone who’s listening who is just interested in foster care, that’s the biggest thing. but to be honest, we got into it to adopt Amy: Yeah, which a lot of families do. Crystal: To be honest,we were newbies. We didn’t really know what we were. Doing, and we wanted more kids and wanted to adopt more kids. And we thought that, foster care would be a good way to do that. And so we were quickly told, that’s not what this is for. and Amy: Right. I said, okay. I said, okay, we’ll see. Yeah. Crystal: and we got a call fairly quickly about a week after, and, And asked if we would take two little boys, and they were ages three and four and barely three. He had just barely turned three. And so really it was, they were quite young. And they came and dropped him off at our house with a can of seven up in their hands with nothing else. And, but they were fine. They were. Came in and we went to a baseball game of my son’s that night, and I just getting to know ’em and feeding them and, it seemed like a play date for them, I think at Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and then we started really figuring things out and, That was a really, it was a tough time because they were adorable little boys, but they were really hard little boys. However, that first week, When we were gonna have a quick meeting with the, their mom and she was gonna have a visit. I took them to the store and I said, okay, pick your mom’s favorite drink and then pick your mom’s favorite candy bar. And so they picked something pink andI’m like, they told me it was your favorite. And Amy: Yeah, exactly. Crystal: But the moment, I was a little nervous. I didn’t know what I was gonna see on the other side of the door, and we walked in and she immediately got up and gave me a hug and said, thank you so much for taking care of my babies. and we, so we had brought her little gifts and I had brought her all the pictures I had taken and I had, had ’em, made them a little book for her so that she had some pictures of what we did that week, whether it was going to get an ice cream cone at McDonald’s or playing in the backyard or whatever. And just so she could see that they were being taken care of. Amy: And she, to this day, 13, 14 years later, she still tells that story and she te still tells me how grateful she was. and it really did break the ice for us. Crystal: made me instantly love her Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and it made me instantly Amy: And humanize her that these really are her kids. Crystal: they’re her, kids. Yes. And humanize her and be a cheerleader for her. So from then on we were. We actually grew quite close the whole time. with good boundaries, we were all safe. She did have a pretty good support system, with her family. But it had gotten to the point where we can’t save you anymore. You’ve gotta, hurt a little bit so your kids are going to foster care. Amy: Yeah. Crystal: and so we had them for nine months. And during that nine month or six, in six months into the nine months, we got another call. And this one was for, a Safe Haven baby that it was the first in 25 years Amy: Yeah. That’s very Crystal: in the county. And so everyone was standing around going, we don’t know what to do. Amy: Right? Crystal: And so they knew I was after that and our caseworker called and said, there’s a baby that’s been dropped off. And Amy: Wow. Crystal: so we, it was the day after Christmas actually, Amy: Oh wow. Crystal: and we went and we picked him up and he was totally healthy and. Great. and we adopted him. So he stayed with us and we don’t really know anything about his parentage or anything, but, we’ve done the DNA stuff and nothing yet, but we’ll Amy: yeah. Wow, that’s interesting. Crystal: So these cute little boys that we had, they, they still view him as their little brother because he Amy: I love that. Yes, Crystal: they were there. So it was cute. Amy: adorable. Crystal: It was really cute when they were there, but, I was so grateful for that experience because we were in it to foster, to adopt and be done. And after the fact, it was a wonderful reunion. the day they were, in fact, actually. I think this week is their anniversary of going home and after nine months they were, they went home in March and that court day was really special and she was so grateful. Amy: By the end she was having Sunday dinner with us I love that. Crystal: and and to this day we still have girls’ nights and her sisters and her and me, we go out and have dinner. Amy: That’s so awesome. Crystal: We see the boys every once in a while, but they’re, they, one of them just graduated. The other one is getting ready to graduate from high school. And so it’s, it was a really hard and great experience and I learned so much from her and what, my part really was in being a foster parent. And so after it was all over and we were like. we’re not ready to be done because we still love you and you still love us, so we’re gonna, Amy: Keep going. Crystal: have some, at least some communication and contact. But after my husband and I were talking and we were like, are we done? And after and after we adopted the baby, my youngest, we thought maybe we’d be done. And we’re like, it was such an amazing. Miraculous experience to be a part of putting another family, supporting and helping put another family back together that we decided to stay. we kept going and we did a lot of crisis and respite from then on. But,it’s so weird how this timing has happened because. Just the other night. we had a set of twins that were, a few months older than my youngest and they came to us when they were two. So I had like triplets, Amy: Ye

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Utah Foster Care guides real and raw conversations about parenting for bio, foster, adoptive or blended families to increase understanding of issues we all experience as families. Utah Foster Care's mission is to develop innovative strategies to help recruit, train, and retain foster families.

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