Show notes: Hi everyone. It's Tanya I'm back after a long hiatus of recording any episodes and my apologies. Life was, or has been completely overwhelming and hectic. And I know if anyone understands that it is the moms that are listening to this podcast. So I thank you for your understanding. I'm happy to get back to this and share what's been going on because life the last six months has definitely given many, many topics to talk about here. So what am I going to be talking about in this episode? The first episode back? Well, I've got to be talking about careers, motherhood, and autism, and all the good stuff that goes with it. Like, do you stay at work? Do you go back? All those things that I have personal experience to talk about. And so let's get to it. Hey, Courageous Mom. I want you to know that you are so brave raising those children and giving everything you have for everything that they need. I've been there and understand what it's like to feel like you're lost. To feel tired and so completely overwhelmed. Hi, I'm Tanya and an autism mom. This journey is not an easy one. It's been demanding and confusing, but it's also been massively life-changing in a great way and has brought me more joy and more laughs than I could ever imagine. You shouldn't walk alone. And that's why I felt called to create this community. Here, you'll laugh. Find joy. Hear inspiring stories along with support and some tough love to begin your journey back to you again. You have permission to take care of yourself, to go after your dreams and to be happy and fulfilled every day, even on those tough ones. So let's do this journey together, gracefully, boldly, and courageously. Transcription: All right. So let's get started. I have lots to tell you. So what I have been up to in the last almost six months is that I officially went back to work. And, you know, I have always been working to some capacity, but I'm talking about going back to finance, which is what I did prior to going on maternity leave with my son, who was my first child. After returning from maternity leave to that old position and company trying to juggle motherhood and just he from day one just required so much that it felt impossible to do a great job at work and to be the employee that my previous employer was used to. Just that woman that would stay till work was done, I would put in extra hours and often would go above and beyond. But obviously that changed when I became a mom. I am still doing the work that needed to get done, but those days of going above and beyond, I will admit they were gone because I had someone else that took priority. I, I was a mom now where before my career, that was really all I had to focus on. I mean, obviously I was a wife as well, but my husband, you know, he can take care of himself. Well, I can, most days I'm kidding. No kind of I'm joking kind of, but anyways, so becoming a mom, it was just a really big shift and it came to a point with my son where, when we tried to do the daycare, I would say he was about 16 months, that's when I really started to realize that something, you know, was just not right. It was like a month after dropping him off and I thought it would get easier, but it never did. So daycare was just not an option. He would just scream from beginning to the end of the day. The daycare providers at the center, they were great, but my heart would break every single time. And they would say, oh, just give it more time. But I knew that there was something else going on. So my husband and I basically were like, you know, passed the baton, just he would work the late night shift and I would work in early morning and leave around 2:30 , 3:00 come home. Literally, he would just pass my son to me and he'd go off. And that is how we operated for the first two years of my son's life. Well, almost two years, because I know that I made the tough decision to leave my job and my career at about, I want to say he was almost 18 months. So we were burnt out. We couldn't do it anymore, but I think we hung in as long as we did because financial reasons. And I think that's why a lot of people are stressed because it's not easy and feasible for every single person and couple to have one person stay at home and then there's the single moms out there that are doing it completely alone. And God bless you because I see you. And I know that you are doing both roles and you are working when you are just so exhausted and then you're coming home and trying to be everything to your child or children. And then on top of it, You have to worry about therapies and IP's and managing appointments and that's a full-time job in itself. And so for moms of children with special needs, that is a really hard job to do on top of working and having a career and trying to manage a household and your other child. Being a stay at home mom is just not for the faint of heart. I will always say that. I think that there is this misconception that stay at home moms, just, you know, lunch and have play dates. And yes, there is some of that, but when I decided that it was time for me to stay home, that wasn't what my life looked like at all. Especially as my son became a toddler and then a preschooler, and then I became pregnant with my daughter, and then we moved closer to getting a diagnosis for my son. There was just never a dull moment. There wasn't any downtime. It was just filled with complete chaos. And much of, it seems like a blur. And I often say that when I'm looking at pictures from when my son was a toddler and my daughter was first born. I feel like, of course I remember it, but I feel like I didn't enjoy it as much. And I wasn't as present because my mind always had 1,000,001 tabs open. And I know you get this. I know you get what I'm saying right now. And when I speak with other moms, I think, you know, we're all in the same boat and we've all experienced the same thing. We are sleep deprived when our children are young. And it's kind of impossible to completely enjoy the moment when you're sleep deprived and your cranky, you're hangry, because you're just living off of, you know, leftover chicken nuggets from your child or like pizza crust and you're not taking care of yourself. So you're giving your complete all to another individual and everybody else in your household. And basically, I mean, you aren't just barely surviving. Right? So I was fortunate to make the decision that I could put the job career on hold. And luckily I've had my real estate license for almost 20 years now. And I have always, done real estate to some capacity over the last two decades. So I have been very fortunate to have that, but real estate is obviously not a regular salary, right? So those regular paychecks were no longer coming in, and that was something that we really missed because we needed it. Especially when you have a child that needs extensive therapies. My husband has great insurance, but the copays, I mean, there were points where we were paying probably about $200 a week just in copays. And that was just in therapy for my son. Never mind the appointments for his neurologist, all his assessments and God forbid I get sick. My husband gets sick or my daughter gets sick. I mean, those are just all additional copays. I mean, we were just starting to see the bills rack up and if real estate was going well, then yeah, it was good. You know, I just keep charging everything on a credit card and then when a commission came in, I would pay it off, but what happened when business was slow? you know, I'd be showing house after house and writing offer after offer, but nothing was getting accepted, but you're putting in the time and you're working amongst everything else, but you're not getting paid. So those credit card bills are still racking up and you have nothing coming in to pay it off because luckily, my husband's salary was enough to obviously pay the essentials, like the roof over our head or utilities, food, those types of things. But you know, this is real life. So other things would pop up or go wrong or needed to be fixed within the house and we'd have to pay those. So then eventually you're falling behind on other things, you know, and it's always credit card credit cards. So we got to a point where the credit card debt was insane. And then, you know, I'd have a great year in real estate and then we'd get back on top and then it would not go so great. And the cycle was just never ending and it was just this up, down. And it completely consumed me because I was so exhausted from living like this. But going back to work back to the career that I had prior to be coming a mom and making the salary that I used to make it wasn't an option because there wasn't an employer out there that was going to allow me to have the flexibility that I needed to be the mother that I needed to be. And I mean, it is so unfortunate that was the case and probably just one of the very rare things that were great about the pandemic is the fact that it really has changed the way that, you know, a career looks and where you work and the remote options have obviously changed that and made it so much more possible for a mother like myself to get back to it. So that's what I've done. And the pandemic definitely with being home with the kids and just needing sort of a break from always being there and sitting by them when they were in their classes. Well, mostly my son, my daughter is very independent and did very well with doing the whole remote school thing, even though she much preferred to be at school in person, but I was just, I was tired and I wanted something else for myself. And yes, there are many other things that I love to do. Uh, none which have made me money yet, but doesn't mean that I won't pursue those things, but real lif
