True Crimes Against Wine

Judge Topher, Judge Rachel, Champlify Media
  • 4.9 (19)
  • Comedy
  • Weekly

Celebrities can be talented, sure, but should they really be making wine? Join Judges Topher and Rachel as they use their oenological savvy and pop culture deep cuts to answer that very question. After drinking all the evidence and sorting their way through red herrings, they will determine whether some of Hollywood and music's biggest stars are, in fact, guilty of True Crimes Against Wine.

  1. 1d ago

    CASE 0605: I Vant to Drink Your Vine!

    DEFENDANT: Vampire Wine EVIDENCE: Vampire Pinot Noir SCENE OF THE CRIME: Napa, CA -- Hey friend — welcome to our cozy, slightly spooky corner where we pair pop-culture deep dives with a glass of something fun. In this episode Judge Topher and Judge Rachel uncork a California Pinot Noir called "Vampire" and take a gleeful, rambling tour through vampire lore, wine bottle capes, 80s rock-star winemakers (hello Lisa Dominique), and all the ways the undead have stalked global storytelling. Expect laughs, awkward confessions, ridiculous quizzes, and a whole lot of wine-fueled speculation about bats, fae, garlic, and whether Oprah might secretly be nocturnal. We sip, sniff, and debate tasting notes (raisinettes, anyone?), wardrobe vibes (leather pants + vampire choker = mood), and the many cultural versions of vampires from Transylvania to the Americas. Along the way: surprisingly sweet wine history, bizarre World Market shopping antics, the best vampire media to binge, and a spirited quiz that will test your knowledge of garlic, running water, and thorny roses. Pour yourself something nice, tuck under a blanket, and join us for a chat that’s equal parts spooky folklore class, wine tasting, and late-night friends’ gossip. Whether you’re a vampire scholar, a True Blood stan, or just here for the bottle with a cape, we promise chills, chuckles, and maybe a little bite of mystery.

  2. Oct 26

    Sidebar Ep. 147: Halloween Candy & Wine Pairings: Tips from True Crimes Against Wine

    Hey friend—grab a glass and let's talk Halloween candy and wine like this is just us on the couch. This episode of True Crimes Against Wine dives into fun, easy pairings for those classic treats parents (and secret candy-stealers) might sip while handing out goodies. We cover gummy sweets like Swedish Fish and gummy bears with a light, fruity Gamay; chocolatey-carameled bars like Snickers with a friendly Chardonnay; and icebox favorites like Three Musketeers with a soft, earthy Pinot Noir. For tart, chalky Smarties, try a zippy New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc; candy corn? Just drink whatever you love—no rules. Caramel apples get a nuanced pick (Chablis-style Chardonnay or a cozy Chenin Blanc depending on apple type), Reese’s calls for a bold Malbec, and surprisingly, rosé makes a playful companion for Tootsie Pops. There’s also nostalgic chat, sticky-finger confessions, and the kind of banter that makes you hungry—so maybe keep a snack handy. Hit us up with your candy dilemmas at TrueCrimesAgainstWine@gmail.com and we’ll send swag. Cheers and happy Halloween!

  3. Oct 19

    CASE 0604: Would You Drink Me? I'd Drink Me

    DEFENDANT: Hannibal Lecter EVIDENCE: Frescobaldi Castiglione Chianti DOCG SCENE OF THE CRIME: Chianti, Tuscany, IT -- Hey friend — grab a glass and pull up a chair. In this cozy, spooky episode of True Crimes Against Wine, Judge Topher and Judge Rachel uncork a breezy Chianti (Frescobaldi’s Castiglione DOCG) and take you on a trip through vineyards, vintage trivia, and one of cinema’s creepiest minds: Hannibal Lecter. We wander through Italian wine regions, decode what “Chianti” really means (it’s a place, not a grape), and chat about Sangiovese — the grape whose name literally translates to “blood of Jove.” We taste pomegranate, raspberry, and gentle tannins, debate decanting, and marvel at how much character can come from a $15–$20 bottle. Then the episode pivots into pop-culture mode: an affectionate, spoiler-rich deep dive into The Silence of the Lambs — Jodie Foster’s Clarice, Anthony Hopkins’ unnerving Hannibal, the iconic Buffalo Bill scene, and why the film still gives us chills. We toss in juicy behind-the-scenes bits (the director charming a singer in drag, casting what-ifs, and Ted Levine’s dance-prep), a playful Hannibal wardrobe breakdown, and a trivia quiz filled with booze-fueled misfires. It’s intimate, funny, and a little bit creepy — like a perfect Halloween hangout with old friends who love wine and true crime-adjacent pop culture. Come for the Chianti, stay for the chilling movie talk (and the questionable life choices). Cheers — and maybe don’t let strange men into your hatchback.

  4. Oct 12

    Sidebar Ep. 146: Sydney Sweeney’s Shockingly Salacious Sports Ad — Too Far or Just Marketing?

    Join us for a candid, no-filter breakdown of the recent Sydney Sweeney ad for a sports betting app — the one everyone's talking about. We dig into the ad’s over-the-top sexualization (yes, it looks like porn), the predatory nature of online sports gambling, and the hypocrisy of moral posturing from conservative corners. We also talk about how celebrities profit from male-gaze-focused branding, why this kind of content is alarming when it airs during family TV viewing, and the broader advertising culture that allows it to exist. It’s part critique, part bafflement, and a whole lot of "did that just happen?" Tune in as we vent, joke, and try to make sense of this rancid dumpster fire together.

  5. Oct 5

    CASE 0603: I See Empty Bottles

    DEFENDANT: M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense EVIDENCE: Michael David Winery 6th Sense Syrah SCENE OF THE CRIME: Lodi, CA --   Hey friend — pour yourself a glass and settle in. This episode of True Crimes Against Wine pairs a bold California Syrah called Sixth Sense with M. Night Shyamalan's classic twist-filled film, The Sixth Sense. We chat about the Michael David Joint Winery (the creative minds behind Freakshow), their Lodi sustainability rules, the wine’s ripe-plum, chocolate-cherry flavors, and that sneaky 15.5% alcohol that keeps things interesting. Then we dive into movie talk: wigs, red color cues, Toni Collette’s heartbreaking performance, Haley Joel Osment’s unforgettable presence, and how the film still holds up as more drama than horror. We trade ghost stories, dream up spooky-season outfits, debate whether ghosts are real or just our imaginations, and spill some ridiculous ideas — like a Sixth Sense musical and a Jane Austen crossover. Spoilers abound, vibes are cozy (even if it’s 96 degrees outside), and we get hilariously sidetracked by Halloween decor, husband behavior, and what kind of ghost we’d want to be. Come for the wine notes, stay for the grief, humor, and the endearing feel-good chills. Cheers!

  6. Sep 28

    Sidebar Ep. 145: When Heat Steals the Harvest: Wine's Wild Growing Season

    Hey — if you love wine (or just enjoy weather drama), this episode dives into how this summer's brutal heatwave upended vineyards around the globe. Short version: grapes ripened insanely fast. In places like Napa and Sonoma harvests wrapped in late August instead of October — some vines barely had a normal growing season because bud break happened late and then, boom, two months to harvest. That usually means riper fruit, higher sugars and alcohol, and a punchier, more "fruit bomb" style instead of subtle, old‑world finesse. Different regions will feel it differently: cooler spots like Willamette Valley, Burgundy or the Loire could be facing unfamiliar challenges, while winemakers in hotter regions (hello, parts of Australia) might have tips worth sharing. And don’t forget the southern hemisphere — their spring is just starting, so timing shifts there could ripple through next year’s bottles. The big worries: flavor shifts we might not fully understand for years; the staggering cost for small wineries if they have to relocate or replant; and an industry pushed toward quicker-turnover grapes, irrigation and climate-control tech, or even new stylistic directions. There’s a silver lining — this could spark more global collaboration and creative adaptation across the wine world — but it’s also anxiety‑inducing for anyone who cares about the craft. If you work at a vineyard and want to share what you’re seeing, send us the inside scoop at truecrimesagainstwine@gmail.com or find us on Instagram. We’ll send swag. Cheers.

  7. Sep 21

    CASE 0602: A Classic Unboxing

    DEFENDANT: Alexander Dumas EVIDENCE: Medley Rosé SCENE OF THE CRIME: Languedoc, France -- Hey — we’re starting Season 6 with boxed rosé, bad accents, and a whole lot of literary chaos. Join Judge Topher (beverage boss) and Judge Rachel (pop-culture prosecutor) as they unbox Medley’s Languedoc rosé, gush over the pool-friendly packaging, debate whether boxed wine counts as classy, and taste notes of apple, pear, and a cheeky finish of strawberry. Spoiler: it’s an easy, drinkable crowd-pleaser and perfect for pool days and boat trips.   Then we stumble through The Count of Monte Cristo — from Edmond Dantès’s naive beginnings and prison metamorphosis to a pirate-fueled treasure haul and one very dramatic revenge tour. There are detours into Napoleon-era politics, serialized 19th-century publishing, Henry Cavill’s youthful cameo, and too many accent attempts to count. Expect goofy banter, surprising historical tidbits (Dumas’ family history is wild), and a lot of laughs — plus a trivia quiz that goes off the rails in the best way.   Whether you love wine talk, classic revenge tales, or just want a podcast that feels like two friends riffing over a bottle, this episode’s your vibe. Pop a cork (or pull a bag tab), get comfy, and come for the rosé, stay for the drama.

  8. Sep 14

    People's Court Ep. 14: Funeral Crashers & Online Witch Hunts

    Hey friend — this episode is a wild, messy ride through gossip, revenge, and the limits of grieving. We dig into a story about a daughter who publicly outed her best friend for alleged cheating, only to learn she was wrong and ended up destroying her friend’s life — and possibly contributing to her early death. The moms weigh in, judgments fly, and the question becomes: does someone who caused that much pain still have the right to mourn? Think of this like a late-night chat with your nosy pals: we unpack motives (jealousy vs. trauma), community judgment, and whether warning the grieving family is the right move. Expect equal parts hilarity, righteous anger, and uncomfortable honesty as we decide who’s in the wrong and whether an apology—or an escort out of the funeral—would even matter. Grab your wine and brace yourself for some deliciously petty takes, heartfelt calls for accountability, and the kind of gossip that makes you squirm and shout at the same time. We’d honestly love to hear from Trina Tinsley if she’s listening… but maybe not at the funeral.

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4.9
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About

Celebrities can be talented, sure, but should they really be making wine? Join Judges Topher and Rachel as they use their oenological savvy and pop culture deep cuts to answer that very question. After drinking all the evidence and sorting their way through red herrings, they will determine whether some of Hollywood and music's biggest stars are, in fact, guilty of True Crimes Against Wine.

Information

  • Creator
    Judge Topher, Judge Rachel, Champlify Media
  • Years Active
    2021 - 2026
  • Episodes
    285
  • Rating
    Explicit
  • Copyright
    © Copyright 2021 All rights reserved.
  • Show Website
    True Crimes Against Wine