I'M NOT* SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

Matt Holguin
  • 5.0 (3)
  • PERSONAL JOURNALS

“I’M NOT* SUPPOSED TO BE HERE” IS THE INTERSECTION OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND SELF-REALIZATION. A SAFE SPACE TO HAVE HONEST, MEANINGFUL, AUTHENTIC, CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS AROUND DIVERSITY, MENTAL HEALTH, REPRESENTATION, SELF-EXPRESSION, AND PERSEVERANCE.

  1. LESSONS IN MOTION - SEASON 3.14: DELA YADOR

    03/18/2025

    LESSONS IN MOTION - SEASON 3.14: DELA YADOR

    What does it mean to hold onto your joy no matter where life takes you? This week, I sit down with my friend Dela Yado, a creative strategist and storyteller who has lived many lives and learned to embrace every twist and turn along the way. From navigating career shifts to overcoming personal challenges, Dela shares how he has found purpose in every chapter and why keeping joy at the center of it all has been his greatest strength. We dive into what it means to trust the journey, even when the road feels uncertain, and how staying open to new possibilities can lead to unexpected opportunities. Dela reflects on lessons learned from his experiences in marketing, sports, and media, as well as the moments that shaped his mindset and helped him find clarity. This episode is about movement, taking steps forward even when doubt creeps in, and believing that every experience, good or bad, is shaping the person you are meant to be. If you have ever questioned where you are headed or felt like life was pulling you in different directions, this one is for you. We talk about the power of self-belief, the importance of finding joy in the process, and how every challenge is an opportunity to grow.

    41 min
  2. BOOT SCOOTIN' TOOTSIE - SEASON 3.13: DELLA ATHERTON

    02/04/2025

    BOOT SCOOTIN' TOOTSIE - SEASON 3.13: DELLA ATHERTON

    In this episode of I'm Not Supposed To Be Here, I sit down with my friend Della Atherton, an actress whose journey is a testament to resilience, reinvention, and embracing the unexpected. Growing up on a horse ranch in a tiny town, Della always had her sights set on Hollywood, but the path to pursuing her dreams was far from linear. From childhood acting gigs to navigating the unpredictable world of the entertainment industry, she has faced moments of doubt, imposter syndrome, and the weight of expectations. But Della’s story is about more than just perseverance, it’s about staying open to life’s detours and saying yes to opportunities that don’t always look like what you imagined. In a surprising twist, what started as a side hustle led her to working on a true crime investigation, where she helped solve a 30-year-old cold case. That experience not only changed her perspective on storytelling but also reinforced the idea that every experience, no matter how unexpected, can shape our journey in meaningful ways. We dive into the emotions behind feeling like you don’t belong, the power of pushing forward despite uncertainty, and the beauty of trusting the process even when the destination is unclear. Della’s story reminds us that no matter how many times we feel like we’re in the wrong place, we’re often exactly where we need to be. So if you’ve ever felt lost, uncertain, or like your dreams were slipping away, this episode is for you. Keep moving forward, embrace the unknown, and trust that the right doors will open. The future is bright, and sometimes the best opportunities are the ones we never see coming.

    32 min
  3. LEGACY IN MOTION - SEASON 3.12: YVETTE HOLLINGSWORTH

    01/29/2025

    LEGACY IN MOTION - SEASON 3.12: YVETTE HOLLINGSWORTH

    In this episode of I’m Not Supposed To Be Here, I sit down with someone whose story truly left me in awe, Yvette Hollingsworth. If her last name sounds familiar, that’s because she’s married to Tony Hollingsworth, one of my first-ever guests who shared his incredible journey early on this podcast. Now, it’s Yvette’s turn, and her story is just as inspiring. Yvette’s life began in a way that feels almost like the start of a novel. She was born on the same day as her father’s funeral, a moment filled with both loss and hope, and this has shaped how she views life, legacy, and the importance of making the most of your time. From growing up in North Carolina to taking a leap of faith and moving to New York City, Yvette’s journey is a masterclass in resilience and determination. We dive into how she found her footing in the competitive world of film and television, her battles with feeling like you don't belong, and how she is carving out her own legacy, not just professionally but personally. Yvette’s story is filled with grit, vulnerability, and the wisdom that comes from pushing past fear and uncertainty. Whether you’re chasing a dream, questioning where you belong, or looking for inspiration to take your next step, Yvette’s journey is a powerful reminder that the paths we take often lead us exactly where we’re meant to be. This is an episode you don’t want to miss.

    50 min
  4. WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR - SEASON 3.11: PAIGE DESJARDINS

    01/07/2025

    WHEN YOU WISH UPON A STAR - SEASON 3.11: PAIGE DESJARDINS

    Happy New Year! Welcome back to I’m Not Supposed To Be Here, the podcast that dives into those “wait, how did I get here?” moments and shows how they can lead to incredible growth. In this episode, I’m joined by the inspiring Paige Desjardins. We dig into Paige’s bold move to Los Angeles, her leap into children’s media, and how she found her voice writing for hit shows like Mickey Mouse Funhouse and Alice’s Wonderland Bakery. Paige shares the highs, the lows, and what it’s like to build a creative career in an industry full of uncertainty. Along the way, she’s faced imposter syndrome, embraced big challenges, and even found a surprising new audience on TikTok, where her account, @paigeeatsgood, has taken off with honest, witty food reviews that keep fans coming back for more. If you’ve ever wondered what it takes to follow your gut, reinvent yourself, or turn unexpected detours into incredible opportunities, Paige’s story is sure to resonate. This is a conversation about courage, creativity, and finding joy in the journey. Start your year with inspiration—tune in now!

    54 min
  5. FOOTBALL BARBIE - SEASON 3.10: ROB LAVIN

    11/19/2024

    FOOTBALL BARBIE - SEASON 3.10: ROB LAVIN

    In this episode of I'm Not Supposed To Be Here, I get to hang out with my good friend Rob Lavin, and trust me, you’re in for a treat! Rob's story is all about embracing the unexpected, taking big leaps, and figuring things out along the way. From moving across the country with no real plan to jumping headfirst into a brand new industry, Rob's journey is full of surprises, heartfelt moments, and a ton of laughs. Come join us as Rob shares what it's like to navigate uncertainty, conquer fears, and find joy in the process. This isn’t your typical success story—it’s messy, it's real, and it's incredibly inspiring. Rob’s way of turning challenges into opportunities, combined with his open and honest reflections on the ups and downs, makes this episode one you won’t want to miss. If you've ever felt unsure about your path, Rob’s story will remind you that sometimes the detours lead to the best adventures. So buckle up for an unforgettable ride! Rob's story is packed with honesty, humor, and inspiration that will leave you feeling ready to take on whatever comes next. If you’re someone who loves a good adventure and wants to find meaning in the unexpected, this episode is definitely for you.

    35 min
  6. MANY MANATEES - SEASON 3.9: ROBERT KELLNER

    11/15/2024 · BONUS

    MANY MANATEES - SEASON 3.9: ROBERT KELLNER

    In this episode of I'm Not Supposed To Be Here, I’m catching up with my good friend Robert Kellner—an absolute pro at jumping into new challenges headfirst. Growing up in a small town in Florida, Robert was that guy who was always up to something, whether it was on the baseball field, the theater stage, or out chasing big dreams across the country. When life threw him curveballs, he didn’t just dodge them—he pivoted, reinvented, and found a new path each time. We talk through all the unexpected twists: from his days as a singer-songwriter and commercial actor in LA, to his transition into fitness and boxing, and now, his new chapter in real estate (following in the footsteps of his dad, who was a developer). Through it all, Robert’s fearless attitude has kept him pushing forward, chasing fulfillment, and never settling. And perhaps his most meaningful role of all—fatherhood. Robert opens up about what it means to him to be a dad, especially in the midst of life’s constant changes. For him, being a father isn’t just a role; it’s a purpose. We dive into how fatherhood has brought new depth and perspective to his life, driving him to be the best version of himself for his kids. This conversation dives deep into the spirit of trying something new, embracing the unknown, and building a life where change is the only constant. If you’re craving a little motivation to take that next big leap, or if you just want to hear some wild stories about the journey, tune in—you won’t want to miss this one!

    1 min
  7. MANY MANATEES - SEASON 3.9: ROBERT KELLNER

    11/12/2024

    MANY MANATEES - SEASON 3.9: ROBERT KELLNER

    In this episode of I'm Not Supposed To Be Here, I’m catching up with my good friend Robert Kellner—an absolute pro at jumping into new challenges headfirst. Growing up in a small town in Florida, Robert was that guy who was always up to something, whether it was on the baseball field, the theater stage, or out chasing big dreams across the country. When life threw him curveballs, he didn’t just dodge them—he pivoted, reinvented, and found a new path each time. We talk through all the unexpected twists: from his days as a singer-songwriter and commercial actor in LA, to his transition into fitness and boxing, and now, his new chapter in real estate (following in the footsteps of his dad, who was a developer). Through it all, Robert’s fearless attitude has kept him pushing forward, chasing fulfillment, and never settling. And perhaps his most meaningful role of all—fatherhood. Robert opens up about what it means to him to be a dad, especially in the midst of life’s constant changes. For him, being a father isn’t just a role; it’s a purpose. We dive into how fatherhood has brought new depth and perspective to his life, driving him to be the best version of himself for his kids. This conversation dives deep into the spirit of trying something new, embracing the unknown, and building a life where change is the only constant. If you’re craving a little motivation to take that next big leap, or if you just want to hear some wild stories about the journey, tune in—you won’t want to miss this one!

    39 min
  8. JAB, CROSS, JAB - SEASON 3.8: AIKO DIMAYUGA

    10/29/2024

    JAB, CROSS, JAB - SEASON 3.8: AIKO DIMAYUGA

    On this episode of I’m Not Supposed To Be Here, I’m joined by the fearless and intuitive Aiko, who’s built her life on following her instincts and taking bold chances. Aiko shares what it’s been like to redefine her path in ways she never expected, from stepping away from academia to embracing the unpredictable world of acting and boxing. We dive into the highs, the hard pivots, and the strength it takes to trust the process—even when the road ahead is uncertain. This conversation is all about courage, reinvention, and the freedom that comes from acting on instinct. If you’ve ever wondered what it might be like to leave the familiar behind to chase something meaningful, this one’s for you.

    53 min
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Ratings & Reviews

5
out of 5
3 Ratings

About

“I’M NOT* SUPPOSED TO BE HERE” IS THE INTERSECTION OF SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND SELF-REALIZATION. A SAFE SPACE TO HAVE HONEST, MEANINGFUL, AUTHENTIC, CRUCIAL CONVERSATIONS AROUND DIVERSITY, MENTAL HEALTH, REPRESENTATION, SELF-EXPRESSION, AND PERSEVERANCE.

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