Salima Saxton on cancer, honesty, estrangement, and creative work in real life. Salima is Ben’s longtime friend, and they talk about her cancer diagnosis and what she calls an unexpected new “year of undoing”, a return to herself rather than a neat reinvention story. “Be the sky, not the weather. The weather passes through.” They discuss why the language of “brave” can feel wrong, why “What can I do?” often misses the mark, and what Salima means by being a “bad patient”. The conversation turns to Salima’s Substack essay “Builder Dad” on estrangement and what outsiders routinely misunderstand. “‘Blood is thicker than water’ is not advice I believe in.” Salima also shares the hardest things to write in memoir: telling the whole truth, including the parts that do not flatter you. The chat then touches on anti-heroine storytelling, friendship breakups, social media’s double edge, and what creative work looks like without romantic routines: write where you can, start small, “plod”, find mentors, and build community. “There’s never a perfect moment. Start with something tiny and plod.” A lighter finish includes an overrated/underrated game (champagne, dressing up, height, hustle culture, social media, coconut oil), Salima’s plan to audition again, and why dark humour matters when things get rough. “A sense of humour is absolutely vital. You either laugh or you crack.” Transcript and video: https://www.thendobetter.com/arts/2026/2/24/salima-saxton-cancer-bad-patient-honesty-estrangement-and-writing-without-waiting Contents: 00:00 30-year friendship, Himalayas, coconut oil01:23 Cancer diagnosis and a new “year of undoing”03:41 Returning to the 18-year-old self05:07 Illness clarifies relationships, energy is finite07:29 Why “brave” and “What can I do?” can land badly09:02 “Bad patient”: performing “good” on an overstretched NHS ward13:05 Honest female voices, dissonance, anti-heroine truth15:28 “Builder Dad”, estrangement, and searching for father figures17:57 What people get wrong about estrangement and friendship breakups21:29 Hypervigilance and the hidden inner life23:31 The hardest memoir scene: dad’s death and anger at mum26:15 Writing about mum: respect, friction, truth29:44 Childhood contradictions: hippie roots, no heating, love of glamour30:37 No perfect routine: writing around kids, work, real life33:09 Ditch the artist romance: money, time, and the true cost35:00 Tiny wins: one sentence still counts36:49 Bed writing, socks, and self-trickery38:06 Overrated/underrated game41:31 Social media love/hate and quiet communities43:59 2026 as the “year of saying yes”, auditions, dark humour46:37 Advice to creatives: start small, “plod”, mentors, community50:15 Long friendships and gratitude
