Resilient Kid: Therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens

Ashley Costello | TEDx Speaker | Author | Psychotherapist | Award Winner
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TEDx speaker, author, and award-winning psychotherapist Ashley Costello provides therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens. As the visionary founder of The Resilient Kid Franchise, Ashley shares professional psychotherapy and support for child mental health. Discover practical parenting strategies for every stage of your child's forming years. Access searchable expert advice for families and educators dedicated to building resilience. This show delivers vital tools for raising strong, capable young people, focusing on mental wellness, professional support, and expert-led tips.

  1. 6D AGO

    The Hidden Emotional Labour of School Staff (And Why It’s Breaking You)

    The Hidden Emotional Labour of School Staff (And Why It’s Breaking You)🎙️ The Hidden Emotional Labour of School Staff (And Why It’s Breaking You)Teachers and school staff are walking out of buildings every day completely exhausted — not because the day was dramatic, but because it was relentless. In this episode, Ashley explores the hidden emotional labour inside schools — the constant co-regulation, emotional containment, and nervous system management that rarely gets acknowledged but leaves staff mentally and physically depleted. If you’re a teacher, TA, SENCO, pastoral lead, or school-based professional who goes home emotionally drained and unable to switch off, this episode explains why — and what you can do about it. In this episode, we cover: What emotional labour in schools really means Why supporting dysregulated children drains your nervous system The difference between busy-tired and emotionally exhausted Why compassionate staff are most at risk of burnout The difference between empathy and absorbing Why burnout isn’t weakness — it’s sustained emotional outputWhy school staff feel so drainedSupporting children with behaviour, trauma, and regulation needs requires calm tone, steady presence, and emotional containment. Staff regulate multiple nervous systems before reaching their own. Without space to reset, this creates nervous system overload. This isn’t about resilience. It’s sustained emotional output without protection. Practical takeaways: Separate empathy from absorbing — ask “Is this mine or theirs?” Close emotional loops after difficult moments Use short nervous system resets between interactions Build one low-demand moment into your day Name the emotional load instead of suppressing it Create a transition ritual before going homeKey reminder:You are not burning out because you are weak. You are burning out because you care deeply in a system that rarely slows down. The goal isn’t to care less — it’s to protect yourself while you care. Who This Episode Is For: Teachers and teaching assistants SENCOs and pastoral leads School leaders School-based professionals working with childrenResources & SupportIf you’d like support with emotional regulation, nervous system tools, or CPD for your school, explore Ashley’s work at The Resilient Kid, including workshops, training, and the Resilient Kid Programme. Visit: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk If This Episode HelpedPlease consider sharing it with a teacher, TA, or school professional who may need to hear they’re not failing — they’re carrying a lot. 🎧 Share this episode with someone who walks out of school exhausted but still deeply cares. Spotify – YouTube – Time Stamps:00:00 Introduction and Apologies00:16 Understanding Emotional Labour in Schools02:29 The Impact on School Staff03:49 Recognising Burnout08:26 Managing Emotional Labour13:24 Transition Rituals17:57 Final Thoughts Find all the resources in our Listeners Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful LinksSign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareGet “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

    19 min

  2. JAN 28

    Why are so many nursery children not ready for school and what actually helps?

    More children are starting school without the skills they need to feel confident, settled, and ready to learn — and it’s not because parents don’t care. In this episode, Ashley explores why so many nursery-aged children are being described as “not school ready,” what professionals across early years and education are seeing, and how small, everyday changes at home can make a big difference. With warmth, honesty, and practical guidance, this episode covers speech and language development, independence, toileting, screen use, and the simple skills that truly prepare children for school — without panic, blame, or unrealistic expectations. In this episode, we cover: What “school readiness” really means (and what it doesn’t)Why more children are struggling with communication, regulation, and independenceThe rise in speech and language delays in nursery-aged childrenWhy toilet training is an important part of school readinessThe impact of screen use on communication and social skillsWhy iPads at the table don’t support language developmentHow independence, turn-taking, and conversation build confidenceWhat parents can do — practically and gently — to support readiness at homeWhy school readiness isn’t about pushing children faster, but building strong foundationsPractical takeaways: Create screen-free mealtimes to encourage conversationPractise turn-taking through games and everyday interactionsSupport toilet training with consistency and gentle leadershipBuild independence through everyday tasksReduce background noise and increase face-to-face interactionFocus on emotional coaching, not perfectionKey reminder: School readiness isn’t about academic ability — it’s about communication, connection, independence, and confidence. Small, consistent changes at home can make a powerful difference in helping children feel safe, capable, and ready for the transition to school. Who This Episode Is For: Parents of nursery and pre-school childrenEarly years practitioners and educatorsParents feeling unsure or worried about school readinessAnyone wanting practical, realistic guidance without judgementResources & Support If you’d like more support around emotional regulation, confidence, and helping children feel ready for big transitions, explore Ashley’s work at The Resilient Kid, including workshops, resources, and the Resilient Kid Programme for families and schools. Resources & Support If you need support, you can reach out via social media or email ashley@theresilientkid.co.uk. We have an Anxiety Workshop coming up in February for £25, which includes a 60-minute session and a 30-minute Q&A. Sign up here - https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/parent-workshop  Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction: The School Readiness Crisis 01:31 Understanding School Readiness 02:05 Communication and Emotional Regulation 02:29 The Role of Independence and Social Skills 03:06 Challenges in School Readiness 03:33 Impact of Screen Time on Development 06:16 Practical Tips for Reducing Screen Time 07:29 Building Independence in Daily Routines 10:23 Toilet Training: Overcoming the Challenges 16:33 Enhancing Speech and Language Skills 27:26 Final Thoughts and Encouragement 31:00 Conclusion and Resources Find all the resources in our Listeners Lounge https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful Links Sign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Get “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Pinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademy YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

    32 min

  3. JAN 21

    Low Mood in Kids: What Helps and What Doesn’t

    Low mood in children often shows up in ways that are easy to misinterpret — especially in January. In this Blue Monday week episode, Ashley explores what low mood can look like in children, what’s happening in the brain, and how parents and teachers can respond in ways that support recovery rather than add pressure. This episode is for anyone supporting children at home or in school. In this episode, we cover: How low mood in children often looks like irritability or withdrawal The difference between low mood and defiance How stress and reduced daylight affect children’s brains Why January increases vulnerability for many children How school and home responses can work together Practical takeaways: What genuinely helps children experiencing low mood How predictability and connection support emotional safety Why adjusting demand can be protective, not permissive What well-intentioned responses often make things harder When to keep an eye on things and seek extra support Key reminder: Low mood is information — not failure.And children recover best when the adults around them respond with steadiness, understanding, and connection. 🎧 Share this episode with a teacher or parent supporting a child who feels “not quite themselves” right now. Spotify – YouTube – Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction to Low Mood in Kids and Teens 00:30 Understanding January Blues 02:14 Recognising Low Mood Symptoms 03:35 Brain Science Behind Low Mood 07:14 Why January Exacerbates Low Mood 09:03 Effective Strategies for Parents and Educators 16:59 What Not to Do: Common Mistakes 19:03 When to Seek Help 20:20 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Find all the resources in our Listeners Lounge https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful Links Sign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareGet “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

    23 min

  4. JAN 14

    Resilient Mornings & Calmer Bedtimes After the Holidays

    Mornings and bedtimes often take the biggest hit after the holidays — and this episode explains why. Ashley breaks down what’s happening in children’s brains during transitions, why routines fall apart before they improve, and how parents and carers can support calmer starts and smoother evenings without constant battles. This is a practical, reassuring episode for families who are feeling stretched at the bookends of the day. In this episode, we cover: Why transitions are hard for children’s nervous systems What the prefrontal cortex needs to function well in the morning Why bedtime resistance increases when children are overtired The role of safety and predictability in sleep Why “trying harder” rarely helps tired brains Practical takeaways: How to build resilience into mornings without rushing or shouting Simple changes that reduce decision-fatigue Why protecting the wind-down matters more than bedtime itself Body-based strategies that help children settle at night Language that reduces pressure and supports sleep Key reminder: You don’t need perfect mornings or peaceful bedtimes.You need predictable cues, calmer rhythms, and fewer power struggles. 🎧 This episode is especially helpful after school holidays or periods of change. Link to buy weighted blankets Ashley spoke about – Kids weight: Weighted Blanket - Kids Teen & Adult Weight: Weighted Blanket - Teens Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction: Why Mornings and Bedtimes Go Off the Rails 00:29 Understanding the January Struggle 02:11 The Brain After the Holidays: Why Transitions Are Hard 04:31 Why Mornings Are So Hard 07:25 Building Resilient Mornings: Practical Tips 17:35 Why Bedtimes Fall Apart After the Holidays 19:25 Creating Calmer Bedtimes: Practical Tips 26:21 Final Thoughts and Encouragement for Parents Find all the resources in our Listeners Lounge https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful Links Sign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Get “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

    30 min

  5. JAN 7

    Why January Feels Harder Than It Should

    January is often sold as a “fresh start”, but for many families it feels anything but.In this episode, Ashley explores why January can be emotionally and behaviourally challenging for children, teens, and parents — and why this doesn’t mean anything has gone wrong. Using child development and brain science, this episode reframes January as a nervous-system recovery period, not a time for pressure or perfection. In this episode, we cover: Why children’s nervous systems don’t “reset” after the holidays How stress hormones and tired brains affect behaviour Why emotions often show up before words Why January is particularly tough for teens How adult expectations can unintentionally increase pressure Practical takeaways: How to spot when behaviour is coming from overload, not defiance Why gentler routines help children settle faster Simple ways to support emotional safety during transitions What parents can do when January feels heavy for everyone Key reminder: January isn’t a failure.It’s a biologically and developmentally demanding time for growing brains. 🎧 Share this episode with a parent who feels like they’re “behind” this month — they’re not. Time Stamps: 00:00 Introduction and New Year Greetings 00:51 Why January Feels Harder 02:00 The Myth of the Fresh Start 03:57 Brain Development and January Struggles 07:13 Why January Is Harder for Teens 11:02 Behavioural Changes and Communication 13:40 Supporting Kids and Teens in January 19:37 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Find all the resources in our Listeners Lounge https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful Links Sign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/shareGet “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid”: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkidukInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkidLinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkidPinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademyYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costelloWebsite: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk

    23 min

  6. 10/20/2025

    Staying Grounded

    How do we cultivate motivation at any age? In this episode of the Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley Costello explores how to foster motivation in children, teens, and adults. She dives into what drives motivation, including intrinsic and extrinsic factors, and offers strategies to create environments that inspire curiosity, play, identity, and belonging. Special attention is given to supporting neurodivergent minds and the role of community in keeping motivation alive. You’ll leave with practical tips to encourage purposeful action across all stages of life. You’ll HearThe difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivationHow motivation develops and changes from childhood through adulthoodPractical strategies for motivating younger childrenApproaches for supporting teens in finding purpose and engagementTips for adults to maintain drive and progress in personal and professional goalsHow neurodivergent minds experience motivation differentlyThe importance of community and connection in sustaining motivationReal-life examples and actionable tips for every age groupTimestamps00:00 – Introduction and Podcast Overview 01:10 – Understanding Motivation: A Recap 02:50 – Motivation Across Different Ages 03:08 – Motivating Younger Children 05:38 – Motivating Teens 09:42 – Motivation in Adults 12:02 – Neurodivergence and Motivation 24:35 – The Power of Community and Connection 28:12 – Real-Life Examples and Practical Tips 35:53 – Final Thoughts and Conclusion Find all the resources in our Listeners Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful LinksSign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Get “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid” Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Pinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademy YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk Join Our CommunityWe’re building a space where parents, teachers, and coaches can support each other and share tools to help kids thrive. Visit our Facebook group or reach out if you’d like to get involved in creating stronger, motivated communities for children, teens, and adults alike.

    37 min

  7. 10/13/2025

    Beating Procrastination

    Why do we put things off, even when we want to get them done? In this episode of the Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley Costello unpacks procrastination—what drives it, what’s really happening in the brain, and how to move from avoidance to action. You’ll learn why procrastination isn’t laziness but emotional resistance, and get practical tools to help kids, teens, and adults push past it with purpose and progress. You’ll HearWhy procrastination is emotional, not a sign of lazinessThe three emotional roots of procrastination: fear, overwhelm, and disconnectionHow the brain’s amygdala triggers avoidanceTools to break the cycle: chunking, the five-minute rule, the Pomodoro technique, and body doublingHow to connect tasks to your deeper “why” for lasting motivationReal-life stories from students and adults overcoming procrastinationA reflection exercise to help you and your kids take the next stepTimestamps00:00 – Why Procrastination Isn’t Laziness 01:00 – What Happens in the Brain When We Resist Tasks 02:00 – Emotional Roots: Fear, Overwhelm, and Lack of Connection 05:00 – Turning Resistance Into Action 06:00 – Tool 1: Chunking Big Tasks into Small Steps 07:00 – Tool 2: The Five-Minute Rule 08:00 – Tool 3: The Pomodoro Technique 10:00 – Tool 4: Body Doubling for Accountability 12:00 – Why “Finding Your Why” Matters 15:00 – Examples: Students, Professionals, and Parents Reconnecting with Purpose 19:00 – Lucy’s Story: From Paralysis to Progress 23:00 – Reflection Exercise: Write Your Why Statement 24:00 – Pairing Strategy with Purpose 25:00 – What’s Next: Motivation at Different Life Stages Find all the resources in our Listeners Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful LinksSign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Get “A Parent’s Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid” Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Pinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademy YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk Join Our CommunityWe’re building a space where parents, teachers, and coaches can support each other and share tools to help kids thrive. Visit our Facebook group or drop us a message if you’d like to get involved in reaching more children.

    25 min

  8. 10/02/2025

    Motivation - What Really Drives Kids/Teens and Adults

    What really drives us? In this episode of the Resilient Kid Podcast, Ashley Costello kicks off a mini-series on motivation. She explains what fuels motivation, what blocks it, and how kids, teens, and adults can build more of it in daily life. From brain science to practical tools, you’ll learn how motivation really works and how to support it at home, in school, and at work. You’ll HearThe difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivationWhy internal motivation lasts longer than external rewardsHow dopamine helps us feel progress and momentumThe three keys of self-determination theory: autonomy, competence, and relatednessReal-world examples for kids, teens, and adultsA story of how linking revision to a bigger purpose helped a teen thriveA reflection exercise to spot your own intrinsic motivatorsTimestamps00:00 – What Drives Us and Why Motivation Matters 01:00 – Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation 02:00 – Why Intrinsic Motivation is Stronger 03:00 – Dopamine and the Brain’s Role 04:00 – Self-Determination Theory Explained 06:00 – Autonomy: Having a Sense of Choice 07:00 – Competence: Building Skills and Confidence 10:00 – Relatedness: Connection and Support 15:00 – Why Some Environments Boost Motivation 16:00 – A Teen’s Story: From Bribes to Purpose 18:00 – Reflection Exercise to Find Your Motivators 19:00 – What’s Next in the Motivation Mini-Series Find all the resources in our Listeners Loungehttps://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk/lounge Useful LinksSign up to our newsletter: https://dashboard.mailerlite.com/forms/240667/93026367927485942/share Get “A Parents Guide To Raising A Resilient Kid” Book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/1739302605 Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/resilientkiduk Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theresilientkid LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/resilientkid Pinterest: https://za.pinterest.com/resilientacademy YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@theresilientkid957 Spotify: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/ashley-costello Website: https://www.theresilientacademy.co.uk Join Our CommunityWe’re building a space where parents, teachers, and coaches can support each other and share tools to help kids thrive. Visit our Facebook group or drop us a message if you’d like to get involved in reaching more children.

    21 min
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TEDx speaker, author, and award-winning psychotherapist Ashley Costello provides therapy and tips for raising strong kids and teens. As the visionary founder of The Resilient Kid Franchise, Ashley shares professional psychotherapy and support for child mental health. Discover practical parenting strategies for every stage of your child's forming years. Access searchable expert advice for families and educators dedicated to building resilience. This show delivers vital tools for raising strong, capable young people, focusing on mental wellness, professional support, and expert-led tips.

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