The Emil Show - All Things Relational

Emil Harker
  • 5.0 (11)
  • Self-Improvement

Get ready to transform your life through the power of relationship skills. The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships. But what is it that determines the strength or quality of relationships? For over 20 years Emil has been working in the trenches of relationship recovery and greatness. Developing his own unique conflict resolution style, he empowers people to take charge or their relationships and single handedly bring about desired outcomes. This show cuts through the fluffy stuff and gets to the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work. He teaches practical tools and principles to transform the important relationships in life and bring about greater satisfaction and fulfillment.

  1. Apr 24

    # 52 - "The Three Degrees of Marriage"

    In this powerful episode, Emil introduces a perspective that challenges how most people think about marriage: what if the quality of your relationship isn’t determined by who you married—but by the laws you live? Drawing on scripture, human behavior, and real-life therapy experiences, Emil breaks down The Three Levels of Marriage—Telestial, Terrestrial, and Celestial—as three distinct ways couples think, act, and relate to one another. These aren’t just abstract ideas; they are patterns that show up in everyday conversations, conflicts, and choices. The episode begins with a foundational truth: God operates by laws, not preferences. Just like the laws of physics determine whether a plane can fly, relational laws determine whether a marriage thrives. When couples understand and align with these laws, their efforts produce connection and stability. When they don’t, frustration and disconnection follow. Emil then walks through each level: Telestial Marriage (“Me First”) is driven by emotion, impulse, and self-focus. Partners react, defend, and blame. Conflict escalates quickly, and the relationship often feels chaotic and unstable. Terrestrial Marriage (“Fairness”) is more functional but still limited. It’s built on balance and scorekeeping—“If you do this, I’ll do that.” While there’s more control, connection is conditional, and resentment can quietly build over time. Celestial Marriage (“Becoming & Loving”) represents a higher way of relating. It’s rooted in growth, accountability, and love that is given—not earned. Instead of reacting, partners choose who they want to become. They take responsibility for their impact and prioritize connection, even in difficult moments. Through relatable examples, Emil shows how the same situation—like a frustrated or passive-aggressive comment—can lead to completely different outcomes depending on which “law” a person is living. These small moments, repeated over time, define the direction of a marriage. The episode also introduces Three Responsibilities of a Celestial Marriage: Compensate for weaknesses with patience and compassion Pursue personal growth to become a better partner Invite, don’t demand to create lasting, internal change A key insight: being right does not make it right. True strength in marriage comes from emotional maturity, humility, and intentional love. Emil leaves listeners with a simple but powerful question to guide their choices:  Is this response telestial, terrestrial, or celestial? This episode is an invitation to stop waiting for your partner to change and instead elevate how you show up. Because ultimately: Telestial marriage says, “I do what I want.”  Terrestrial marriage says, “I do what’s fair.”  Celestial marriage says, “I become someone greater through how I love you.” And that shift changes everything.  Support the show Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    59 min

  2. Apr 14

    Teen Series E 3. - "Why Trying To Control Your Teen Backfires?" TES E 51

    Are you struggling with a defiant teen, constant power struggles, or feeling like nothing you do is working as a parent? In this powerful episode of The Emil Show, Emil Harker sits down with parent coach Beth Hillman to break down one of the biggest hidden issues in parenting teens: enmeshment—when parents feel responsible for their child’s emotions, decisions, and outcomes. If you’ve ever thought:  “Why won’t my teen listen to me?”  “I know what’s best for them—why are they pushing back?”  “How do I stop the constant conflict in my home?” …this episode will give you practical, real-world tools that actually work. 🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode:  Why trying to control your teenager makes things worse The difference between control vs. influence in parenting How to break free from parent-teen enmeshment What healthy boundaries really look like (and how to enforce them)  How to respond when your teen is angry, disrespectful, or dysregulated The “My Part / Your Part” framework to stop emotional reactivity  How to stay calm and connected during intense conflict  When it might be time to consider wilderness therapy or residential treatmentBeth shares her personal journey as a parent navigating a struggling teen, combined with powerful coaching strategies that have helped hundreds of parents regain peace, confidence, and connection in their homes. “The more you figure yourself out as a parent, the better parent you become.” 🎯 Who This Is For:  Parents of struggling teens Families dealing with behavior issues, defiance, or substance use Therapists and professionals working with adolescents  Parents considering wilderness programs or RTCs Anyone who wants to reduce conflict and increase connection💡 Key Takeaway: You can’t control your teen—but you can change your influence. And that changes everything. 🔗 Resources Mentioned:  Beth Hillman Coaching  Parenting Post-Wilderness Podcast 📌 Keywords (SEO Boost): parenting teens, defiant teenager help, how to deal with a rebellious teen, parenting strategies for teenagers, teen behavior problems, parent coaching, enmeshment parenting, boundaries with teenagers, conflict resolution parenting, emotional regulation parenting, wilderness therapy, residential treatment center teens, parenting advice for difficult teens Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    48 min

  3. Apr 14

    Teen Series E 2 - "Your Teen Isn't Rebellious, They Are Scared!" TES E. 50

    Are you struggling with a defiant, anxious, or rebellious teen? You’re not alone—and you’re not doing it wrong. In this powerful episode of The Emil Show, Emil sits down with licensed marriage and family therapist Jonathan Sherman to unpack what’s really going on with teens today—and why traditional parenting approaches are falling short. Together, they dive deep into the hidden emotional world of teenagers, revealing a truth most parents miss: behind the rebellion, attitude, and resistance… is fear. Jonathan shares insights from over 30 years of experience working with teens and families, offering practical strategies to help parents and therapists move from power struggles to real connection and influence. 🔑 In this episode, you’ll learn: Why “defiance” isn’t what you think it is—and how to reframe it The #1 mistake parents make that pushes teens further away How fear, anxiety, and loneliness drive teen behavior Why connection—not control—is the key to lasting change How to break out of the parent-teen power struggle cycle Practical ways to build trust, even with the most resistant teens The surprising impact of social media and “dopamine without responsibility” Why parents need training—not more guilt 💡 A powerful takeaway: “There’s no such thing as a resistant teen—only resistance we don’t yet understand.” 👥 Who this is for: Parents of struggling or rebellious teens Therapists and professionals working with adolescents Anyone who wants to better understand teen behavior and build stronger relationships 🎯 Bottom line: If you feel overwhelmed, frustrated, or unsure how to help your teen—you’re not failing. You just haven’t been given the right tools yet. This episode will change how you see your teen—and give you a new path forward. 👉 Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with someone who needs this message. #ParentingTeens #TeenBehavior #ParentingHelp #FamilyTherapy #ConflictResolution #TheEmilShow Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    1h 5m

  4. Apr 14

    Teen Series E 1. "Stop Rescuing Your Teen! It's Backfiring!" TES E 49

    🚨 Why Helping Your Teen Too Much Might Be Hurting Them (And What to Do Instead) If you’re a parent of a struggling teen—or a professional working with adolescents—this conversation will challenge everything you think you know about helping kids succeed. In this episode of The Emil Show, Emil sits down with Mark Spalding (LCSW), co-founder of Live Strong House, to unpack what’s really going on with today’s teens—and why so many well-intentioned parenting strategies are actually backfiring. 👉 Why do teens lose motivation, confidence, and direction? 👉 How does “rescuing” your child quietly destroy their self-worth? 👉 What actually builds resilience, accountability, and real change? This episode goes deep into the psychology of adolescence, modern parenting traps, and a powerful alternative approach that is transforming lives. 🔥 What You’ll Learn in This Episode: Why over-helping your teen can create long-term resentment The hidden danger of “rescuing” vs. building resilience How social media and dopamine are rewiring teen motivation The concept of “maximizing influence” instead of controlling behavior A powerful parenting shift: 👉 “What am I doing that’s creating the behavior I don’t want?” How to build confidence, accountability, and emotional maturity Why consequences alone don’t create change The difference between behavior modification vs. value transformation 🧠 A Powerful Truth for Parents: “We steal our children’s confidence by trying to increase our own.” If your teen is: Struggling with motivation Using substances or escaping responsibility Emotionally shut down or defiant Resistant to therapy or structure …this episode will give you a completely new lens—and practical tools—to respond differently. 👥 Who This Is For: Parents of struggling teens Therapists, counselors, and RTC professionals Anyone working with adolescents Families navigating anxiety, defiance, or “failure to launch” 🔗 About the Guest: Mark Spalding is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 30+ years of experience working with adolescents and families. He is the co-founder of Live Strong House, a unique therapeutic program focused on real-life integration, accountability, and value-driven growth. 💬 Final Takeaway: Real change doesn’t come from controlling teens—it comes from changing how we show up as parents and leaders. 👍 If this resonates, like, subscribe, and share this with a parent or professional who needs it. #ParentingTeens #TeenMentalHealth #StrugglingTeens #ParentingAdvice #TherapyTools #EmilShow #AdolescentPsychology Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    45 min

  5. 10/10/2024

    #48 - The Passive Aggressive Response

    Dealing with passive aggressive comments are some of the hardest statements to respond to. Using the "translation" process it helps us protect our boundaries from these hurtful comments without creating a fight.  Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    25 min

  6. 06/17/2024

    #47 - Creating Connection

    What is emotional connection? Why does it often decrease over time in relationships and how can we get it back? Emotional connection or intimacy is sometimes hard to describe, but it's easy to know when it's gone. In this episode, Emil discusses the pattern of decreasing emotional investment in relationships and how to turn things around. Creating shared emotional experiences is the key to connection. Emotional intimacy is the attunement and resonation of our emotional experiences. When emotions are understood and validated, they become a shared experience. Below is an exercise to sharpen skills needed for emotional intimacy. Learn to share emotions: Identify an emotion. Use an emotions chart or feelings wheel to pick an emotion. Look up what that emotion means. Share a story that makes that emotion make sense.  Learn to identify the emotions of your partner: When your partner is speaking, look for the emotions they are expressing.Try to recognize the emotion in the story and then share with your partner. Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    23 min

  7. 06/03/2024

    #46 - Is Happiness a Choice?

    Is happiness really a choice? What role should your partner play in your happiness? In this episode, Emil describes the roles and responsibilities we have as individuals and as partners regarding happiness. He explains why taking responsibility for your partner’s happiness can lead to an amazing marriage.  But what if your partner is never happy regardless of your efforts?  What if they don’t try to make you happy?  Emil discusses the role of personal responsibility and when it may be time to change your circumstances.  Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    16 min

  8. 05/20/2024

    #45 - One Secret to Marital Bliss

    What is the secret to a great marriage?  This is the most frequent question that I receive. The answer is simple: seeking, receiving, and responding to feedback. In this episode, I share how feedback is the key to true closeness.  I explain why the purpose of marriage is growth and becoming our best selves, not comfort and convenience. Feedback Check-In 1.      I am working on __________. 2.      On a scale of 1-10, how am I doing on _________? 3.      What can I do to move that number closer to 10? 4.      What else can I do to make to make you (my partner) feel love and like a priority? For a copy of Emil’s Feedback Check-In handout, email him at emil@emilharker.com Get your own copy of  - You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness

    29 min
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5
out of 5
11 Ratings

About

Get ready to transform your life through the power of relationship skills. The quality of our lives depends on the quality of our relationships. But what is it that determines the strength or quality of relationships? For over 20 years Emil has been working in the trenches of relationship recovery and greatness. Developing his own unique conflict resolution style, he empowers people to take charge or their relationships and single handedly bring about desired outcomes. This show cuts through the fluffy stuff and gets to the nitty gritty of what makes a relationship work. He teaches practical tools and principles to transform the important relationships in life and bring about greater satisfaction and fulfillment.

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